{"id":302254,"date":"2011-04-12T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-04-12T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/class-101-honoring-your-parents\/"},"modified":"2011-04-12T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-04-12T15:00:00","slug":"class-101-honoring-your-parents","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/class-101-honoring-your-parents\/","title":{"rendered":"Class 101: Honoring Your Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tim Muehlhoff explains how he helps students make peace with their past by teaching them to honor their parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-04-12.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"28.62M","filesize_raw":"30009942","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2825],"tags":[4527,4813],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3245],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302254","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-honoring-your-parents","tag-communication","tag-honoring-parents","cwp_profile-tim-muehlhoff","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302254\/class-101-honoring-your-parents","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302254\/class-101-honoring-your-parents","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"bU6XqfVZ05\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/class-101-honoring-your-parents\/\">Class 101: Honoring Your Parents<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/class-101-honoring-your-parents\/embed\/#?secret=bU6XqfVZ05\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Class 101: Honoring Your Parents&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"bU6XqfVZ05\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-04-12.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-04-12.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s key students who can get up and say, \u201cI\u2019m just not close to my dad.\u00a0 We just never connected.\u00a0 This was really hard for me.\u00a0 I struggled.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust this past semester, we had one student who could just barely do it.\u00a0 I said to him twice\u2014I said, \u201cYou know you don\u2019t\u2019 have to finish reading this.\u00a0 You really don\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cNo, I need to.\u201d\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t a dry eye in the place.\u00a0 I literally commended him.\u00a0 I said, \u201cThis was powerful.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes.\u00a0 I just needed to get it out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 12<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Tim Muehlhoff joins us today to talk about honoring Mom and Dad looks like in a college classroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if our listeners realize this; but back before you wrote the book, <em>The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents<\/em>, where you talked about honoring your parents and giving them a tribute, a written tribute, you used to teach this material every summer or every other summer, wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was every summer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019d meet with college students and talk about this principle of obeying the fifth commandment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, those students really taught me that this is one of the most important\u2014hate to say, one of the Ten Commandments is more important than another (because you can\u2019t really say that), but it really is one of the most important truths we need to be passing on to the next generation that we need to honor our parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you know, we\u2019ve talked about this with our speaker team that speaks at our <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>\u00a0marriage getaways.\u00a0 One of the speakers who speaks at our conferences is Tim Muehlhoff.\u00a0 He joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 There is a reason I\u2019ve asked Tim to come in and share a few stories.\u00a0 It is because of something he does at Biola University as a professor with the students there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim, I want to welcome you to the broadcast.\u00a0 Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tim is a dad of three, a husband of one.\u00a0 His wife, Noreen, they live in southern California.\u00a0 He has written a book called <em>Marriage Forecasting<\/em>.\u00a0 He\u2019s really a communication expert but also teaches a class on\u2014well, what is it a family communication class?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is called Family Communication.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Family Communication at Biola.\u00a0 There is a section of that class where you begin to talk to students about this subject or this theme of honoring your parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 The class is broken up into two parts.\u00a0 One is making peace with the past.\u00a0 The second part of the class is preparing for the future.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the first part, making peace with the past is coming to terms with key relationships in your life; and, obviously, the most important relationship being that with their parents.\u00a0 I often say to them, \u201cYou want to have a solid foundation in your future marriage and family.\u00a0 In order to do that, you want to learn and practice great habits of becoming obedient to God.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the most important ways to show this obedience is through His commandments.\u00a0 A key commandment being in Exodus: that we should honor our parents and that God commands this.\u00a0 So, I often ask them to combine academic excellence with practical outcomes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 When you start talking to students about their past and about their relationship with their parents, what generally begins to occur there in the students\u2019 lives?\u00a0 I mean, you probably have\u2014what?\u00a0 Twenty-five, thirty students in your class?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thirty-five students.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 How do they respond?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is usually broken into a seventy-thirty split.\u00a0 I would say seventy percent of them tend to have fairly good relationships with their parents.\u00a0 Thirty percent, though, tend to struggle and have awkward relationships with their parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, immediately, the thirty percent are fairly uneasy with where they see where this assignment is going to go.\u00a0 The seventy percent tend to feel a little bit convicted that they\u2019ve not done enough to really honor their parents or acknowledge what their parents have done in their lives to show appreciation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The thirty percent who feel the uneasiness you are talking about is it, \u201cI just don\u2019t want to go visit what is painful in my life?\u201d\u00a0 Is that what is causing them to pull back, do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve left home.\u00a0 I\u2019m now becoming slowly an adult, and I\u2019d really rather not look backward.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d rather wall-off\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014the pain that might be there and detach myself from it.\u00a0 They might come to you and say, \u201cDr. Muehlhoff, it says somewhere in the Bible forgetting what lies behind, I press on.\u00a0 So, why do I even need to deal with this?\u00a0 I mean, I just want turn my back and press on.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 In other words, they are just like us.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to deal with painful relationships.\u00a0 My college students are very much a representative of American culture.\u00a0 We move on very quickly.\u00a0 So, when I say to them, \u201cWe\u2019re actually going to go backwards.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to address, perhaps, the most important relationships of your lives and that\u2019s your parents.\u00a0 We are going to do it in a very systematic, very thoughtful way,\u201d I\u2019m putting a big speed bump in their path of moving on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you hear stories from some of them about not just painful pasts but horrific pasts that you\u2019d say, \u201cBoy, I can understand why you wouldn\u2019t want to go revisit that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some of them are resentful.\u00a0 They\u2019re resentful saying, \u201cOkay, why isn\u2019t my parent doing this?\u00a0 Why aren\u2019t they stopping and reflecting on our relationship?\u00a0 Why am I having to do this for crying out loud?\u00a0 Isn\u2019t this, their job as a parent?\u00a0 Why am I having to take the first step?\u00a0 I don\u2019t think this is my job.\u00a0 They should do it.\u201d\u00a0 So, it is kind of like this stare off a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me back you up, though, to the student who is struggling and saying, \u201cWhy do I need to do this?\u00a0 Can\u2019t I just seal that off, call it the past, and move on?\u00a0 Why do we have to revisit this?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the reasons I\u2019m so passionate about the tribute is that I struggled for years to write a tribute for my father.\u00a0 Precisely, for the reason, I didn\u2019t think he was worthy of the tribute.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, I heard you speaking on the tribute for year, after year, after year.\u00a0 Every time you\u2019d speak on the tribute, I could easily see writing one for my mom.\u00a0 It was my dad that was the sticking point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, one year I heard you say, \u201cWe want our kids to honor us, but are we honoring our parents?\u201d\u00a0 It was the Holy Spirit who just took a sledge hammer.\u00a0 It was at that moment I realized, \u201cYou know, I want my three boys to honor me, but I am not modeling that at all.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, that is an inherently American, pragmatic answer to the question.\u00a0 There\u2019s a more profound answer to the question.\u00a0 The answer is God commands it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy heavenly Father looks at me and says, \u201cListen, there is something I\u2019m going to ask you to do, and that is I want you to honor your parents because it is the right thing to do.\u00a0 I am asking you to do this.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a profound issue we all need to wrestle with.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I say to my students, \u201cBefore I give you the American answer to this question, let me give you the God answer: that is, that your heavenly Father, who loves you and knows deeply how human relationship work, has asked you to do something.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what He asks you to do: honor your parents.\u00a0 Now, you need to wrestle with whether you\u2019re going to do that or not.\u00a0 By the way, He is not making the qualifications: are your parents worthy of the honor?\u00a0 He is asking you to do this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what specifically do you assign the students?\u00a0 What\u2019s the project they have to do for your class?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s projects, not just one.\u00a0 The first project is they write this paper.\u00a0 It is applying a stress model to their parents.\u00a0 It is called ABCX Stress Model.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe A refers to a stressor event that happens.\u00a0 The B refers to the resources that a family has to actually deal with the stress.\u00a0 The C refers to the perception that you would have of the stress based on the resources.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, if a family gets in a car accident but actually has a lot of money (they are fairly well off), well, the car accident really doesn\u2019t mean that much because I have the financial resources to really deal with it.\u00a0 If I don\u2019t have a lot of resources, then getting into that accident is crippling because I cannot replace it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have any insurance to help me.\u00a0 The X refers to all three of those being taken together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I assign this assignment that they have to pick one stressor event that has happened in their history of their family that they feel like as a student caused the most stress in their family.\u00a0 Second, they have to call one of their parents and ask them, \u201cWhat\u2019s the biggest stressor that has happened during the life of the family?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the parent they\u2019ve selected is the parent they are eventually going to write the tribute for.\u00a0 I ask them, \u201cGo ahead and pick the parent that you feel like you have the least intimate relationship with.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you\u2019re flying right in the face of the challenge of the conflict to begin with, aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Calling them to some courageous action?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Step up to the plate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014to a step of faith, to trust God at His word and say, \u201cI\u2019m going to honor my dad.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to honor my mom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m giving them an opening to have a productive conversation; so that, they make the phone call.\u00a0 They say, \u201cHey, Mom, Dad, I have this class, Family Communication class, and I\u2019ve been given this assignment.\u00a0 I have to ask you, \u2018What do you think has been the most stressful event in the history of our family?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStudents will later respond to me, \u201cThat was the most adult conversation I\u2019ve ever had with my dad.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had a conversation like that.\u00a0 It was pretty amazing the things that my dad said to me.\u00a0 I was blown away.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, then, they have this really interesting conversation.\u00a0 Then, they write it up in a paper.\u00a0 Once the paper is completed, I then say to them, \u201cNow, I want you to write a tribute for that parent.\u00a0 I want the tribute to be completely finished, matted, framed; but it is between you and the Lord whether you actually give the tribute to the parent.\u201d\u00a0 I would never mandate that.\u00a0 \u201cSo, you\u2019re going to write this thing, frame it, mat it.\u00a0 It is going to look like a million bucks, but it is up to you whether to actually give it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, by the way, they all present it to each other in the class.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They read the tribute they wrote for a parent to one another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 They don\u2019t have to read it; but they summarize it, or they can choose to read it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to jump back to the thing that precedes the writing of the tribute, this diagnosis of the stressful moment.\u00a0 There has got to be some empathy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014that enters into the heart of a young person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014when you hear Mom or Dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014talk about stress because we all grow up thinking our parents\u2014well, they are parents.\u00a0 They\u2019re grown-ups.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They don\u2019t have to deal with stressful issues.\u00a0 So, when Dad says, \u201cWell, I was\u2014yes, I had a real stressful time when this happened.\u201d\u00a0 You start to thaw a little bit, don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, maybe, Bob, because a key part of the paper is the third section: did this produce empathy?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Why not?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of my students will say, \u201cI listened to my dad say, \u2018I did not handle that job loss very well.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 It hurt my family.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t treat Mom very well.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t around for you kids.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 It was really hard for me to lose that job.\u00a0 I did not act very well.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t a very good leader.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, then, I say, \u201cNow, did that produce empathy for you?\u201d\u00a0 It is amazing some of my students who say, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m kind of like, \u201cNo?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Reflect on that for me.\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t that produce empathy?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to say to my students, \u201cI read that.\u201d\u00a0 I think, \u201cOh, that poor guy!\u00a0 He lost his dream job, and kind of went into a downward spiral.\u00a0 I feel bad for him.\u00a0 You just reflected on your dad and said, \u2018Eh.\u2019\u00a0 Reflect on that with me.\u00a0 Why that \u2018Eh?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, that\u2019s just kind of a nice moment for the child to say, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I guess I\u2019m not very charitable towards my dad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a pretty big expectation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 What I have seen, as I\u2019ve interacted with students, is that really shows a lack of understanding, a lack of compassion as you\u2019ve mentioned.\u00a0 Ultimately, the big issue here (because Bob and I have interacted with this a bunch over the years) is they are unwilling to forgive their mom or dad.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Good.\u00a0 Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can\u2019t honor someone that you haven\u2019t forgiven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s really good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Basically, the reason why I think God\u2014one of the main reasons He\u2019s put this in the Ten Commandments is He puts the big goal out there: \u201cHonor your mother and father that it may go well with you.\u201d\u00a0 Why would it go well with you?\u00a0 Because you\u2019ve given up the right to punish them for those things and those ways that they hurt you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, when the students present their tributes, I\u2019ve got to imagine that class day or series of class days is just one mess after another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it is an interesting contrast.\u00a0 Some students can write the tribute on the backstroke because they love their parents.\u00a0 Those tributes are just funny, affirming.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s key students who can get up and say, \u201cI\u2019m just not close to my dad.\u00a0 We just never connected.\u00a0 This was really hard for me.\u00a0 I struggled and didn\u2019t want to do it.\u00a0 Yet, I knew I had to; and, well, here it is.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust this past semester, we had this one student who could just barely do it.\u00a0 I said to him twice\u2014I said, \u201cYou know you don\u2019t have to finish reading this.\u00a0 You really don\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cNo, I need to.\u201d\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t a dry eye in the place.\u00a0 I literally commended him.\u00a0 I said, \u201cThis was powerful.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes.\u00a0 I just needed to get it out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What stands out in your mind?\u00a0 You\u2019ve been doing this for four or five years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Probably, four years I\u2019ve been doing this assignment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What moments stand out?\u00a0 You just mentioned one.\u00a0 Are there others?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 One woman mentioned to her mom\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Wow!\u00a0 Didn\u2019t think that would happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re getting emotional now because the emotions, even in hearing another person\u2019s tribute\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014really are profound.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019d she share?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, her mom said to her that we don\u2019t have very many positive memories.\u00a0 She knew that.\u00a0 She recognized that.\u00a0 So, she bought a camera.\u00a0 She knew that her daughter was going to New York on a trip over spring break.\u00a0 She knew that her daughter wanted to the tribute for her but said, \u201cI\u2019ve not been a good mother; so, I can imagine it must be hard to do the tribute.\u00a0 So, take this camera.\u00a0 Have some fun.\u00a0 Just pretend that I\u2019m with you, and we\u2019re having fun together.\u00a0 Just pretend that we\u2019re having these fun moments.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, her tribute was filled with all these great photographs of New York; but then, she had one key photograph saying that she had found love with her mother during that week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 For you, Tim, you said you could easily honor your mother but found it difficult to write a tribute to your father.\u00a0 Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had breakthrough moment with my dad speaking with Tom Fortson.\u00a0 Tom, at our conferences, heard me give my dad talk and took me aside.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWould you mind a little critique?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when the Vice President of Promise Keepers asks if you\u2019d like a little critique, you know, what are you supposed to say?\u00a0 So, I said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cHere\u2019s my observation: you\u2019re judging your dad with your generation\u2019s love language.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYour generation\u2019s love language is going in the backyard and throwing the football around.\u00a0 Your generation\u2019s love language is wrestling on the carpet in the living room.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes, \u201cWhat do you think your dad\u2019s generations love language was?\u00a0 I think it\u2019s not leaving your mother and working double shifts to provide for you.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cDid your dad ever leave your mom?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cNope.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cDid he provide for you?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI think he loved you.\u201d\u00a0 It was honestly like the Holy Spirit turned on a switch.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember getting my varsity jacket for wrestling as a freshman.\u00a0 My dad says, \u201cPut it on.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m like, \u201cDad, it is the middle of August.\u201d\u00a0 He goes, \u201cPut it on.\u201d\u00a0 So, I put on my varsity jacket.\u00a0 We\u2019re driving with the windows down because it is incredibly hot.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got my hand out the window.\u00a0 My dad just looked at me and said, \u201cYou look good.\u201d\u00a0 That was it.\u00a0 That was my first memory on my tribute.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I put that down, things just came to mind.\u00a0 Working triple shifts sometimes at General Motors, not a great job.\u00a0 One summer he got me a job at General Motors.\u00a0 It was brutal.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cMy dad did this for thirty plus years.\u201d\u00a0 I often say to my students, \u201cI think you\u2019ll be surprised once you start to put them down on a piece of paper.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did it go with the factory worker from GM when his son came and said, \u201cI\u2019m going to read you a tribute?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, it was funny.\u00a0 My mom cried like a baby.\u00a0 Just, you know, the classic.\u00a0 My dad didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 I was not verbally expressive at all.\u00a0 I was a pain in the neck towards him.\u00a0 I never affirmed him, ever.\u00a0 So, this was like a double shot gun to the chest of affirmation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 So, I remember driving in the car with him, and he looked at me and said, \u201cThank you.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget it.\u201d\u00a0 It hung up on the wall \u2018til the day he died.\u00a0 When I spoke at his funeral, I simply took down the tribute and read it.\u00a0 Kind of nice that the tribute came a year and a half before he died.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say to my students, \u201cYou\u2019re thinking you have all this time to do this.\u201d\u00a0 The book of James is very clear you have today.\u00a0 It is a fool who says I have tomorrow.\u00a0 I said, \u201cNo.\u00a0 You need to take care of business now.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s really powerful to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exodus 20:12 \u201cHonor your father and your mother that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what the application is for every listener.\u00a0 I think the same freedom you gave your class is the one I want to give our listener.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re supposed to do; but whatever God is asking you to do, might be a good idea to do it.\u00a0 Thanks, Tim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 You bet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can imagine that some of our listeners are going to need to get a copy of your book, <em>The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents<\/em>, to help guide them in this process.\u00a0 The book really does a great job of helping an adult think through how to express honor, particularly, if you\u2019ve had a hard situation like some of your students had.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf our listeners are interested and maybe thinking about something special they want to do Mother\u2019s Day or Father\u2019s Day this year, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and ask for a copy of the book, <em>The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents<\/em>.\u00a0 We also have links online to articles and past programs where we\u2019ve talked about this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you want to dive in and listen to a little bit more or read some articles that are available online, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information.\u00a0 Or call us toll free at 1-800-FL-Today, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- F as in \u201cfamily\u201d, L as in \u201clife\u201d, then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 We can send a copy of Dennis\u2019s book out to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say a quick word of thanks today to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with donations and contributions from time to time.\u00a0 Also, want to say thank you to those of you who are new Legacy Partners, monthly donors to this ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate your financial support.\u00a0 It\u2019s what helps keep this ministry on the air in this community and on our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 So, we do appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, if you can help with a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d like to send you as a thank you gift a movie called <em>Magdalena: Through Her Eyes<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s the story of the life of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene.\u00a0 It is an eighty-two minute long feature film.\u00a0 It is powerfully done.\u00a0 Great for a family to watch together, especially as Easter comes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the nice things about the DVD is that the film is also over dubbed in Spanish, Portuguese, French, Mandarin, Korean, Arabic, Russian.\u00a0 So, if you know somebody who is a native speaker of one of these languages, you can watch the DVD and then pass it on to them.\u00a0 They can hear the story of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene in their own language.\u00a0 Very powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe DVD is our thank you gift to you when you help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this month.\u00a0 All you have to do is type \u201cMAGDVD\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 That\u2019s \u201cM-A-G-D-V-D\u201d.\u00a0 So, that we know to send you a copy of this film.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call us at 800-FL-Today, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- F as in \u201cfamily\u201d, L as in \u201clife\u201d, then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, just let us know that you\u2019d like the <em>Magdalena<\/em> DVD.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 We appreciate very much your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I hope you can be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 We are going to hear Part One of a message from Dennis on the subject of surrender.\u00a0 What does it mean when God calls us to surrender our lives to Him?\u00a0 Dennis will answer that question tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.62M"],"filesize_raw":["30009942"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302254.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302254.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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Muehlhoff explains how he helps students make peace with their past by teaching them to honor their parents.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-04-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s key students who can get up and say, \u201cI\u2019m just not close to my dad.\u00a0 We just never connected.\u00a0 This was really hard for me.\u00a0 I struggled.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust this past semester, we had one student who could just barely do it.\u00a0 I said to him twice\u2014I said, \u201cYou know you don\u2019t\u2019 have to finish reading this.\u00a0 You really don\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cNo, I need to.\u201d\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t a dry eye in the place.\u00a0 I literally commended him.\u00a0 I said, \u201cThis was powerful.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes.\u00a0 I just needed to get it out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 12<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Tim Muehlhoff joins us today to talk about honoring Mom and Dad looks like in a college classroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if our listeners realize this; but back before you wrote the book, <em>The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents<\/em>, where you talked about honoring your parents and giving them a tribute, a written tribute, you used to teach this material every summer or every other summer, wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was every summer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019d meet with college students and talk about this principle of obeying the fifth commandment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Actually, those students really taught me that this is one of the most important\u2014hate to say, one of the Ten Commandments is more important than another (because you can\u2019t really say that), but it really is one of the most important truths we need to be passing on to the next generation that we need to honor our parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you know, we\u2019ve talked about this with our speaker team that speaks at our <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae <\/em>\u00a0marriage getaways.\u00a0 One of the speakers who speaks at our conferences is Tim Muehlhoff.\u00a0 He joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 There is a reason I\u2019ve asked Tim to come in and share a few stories.\u00a0 It is because of something he does at Biola University as a professor with the students there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTim, I want to welcome you to the broadcast.\u00a0 Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tim is a dad of three, a husband of one.\u00a0 His wife, Noreen, they live in southern California.\u00a0 He has written a book called <em>Marriage Forecasting<\/em>.\u00a0 He\u2019s really a communication expert but also teaches a class on\u2014well, what is it a family communication class?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is called Family Communication.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Family Communication at Biola.\u00a0 There is a section of that class where you begin to talk to students about this subject or this theme of honoring your parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 The class is broken up into two parts.\u00a0 One is making peace with the past.\u00a0 The second part of the class is preparing for the future.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the first part, making peace with the past is coming to terms with key relationships in your life; and, obviously, the most important relationship being that with their parents.\u00a0 I often say to them, \u201cYou want to have a solid foundation in your future marriage and family.\u00a0 In order to do that, you want to learn and practice great habits of becoming obedient to God.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the most important ways to show this obedience is through His commandments.\u00a0 A key commandment being in Exodus: that we should honor our parents and that God commands this.\u00a0 So, I often ask them to combine academic excellence with practical outcomes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 When you start talking to students about their past and about their relationship with their parents, what generally begins to occur there in the students\u2019 lives?\u00a0 I mean, you probably have\u2014what?\u00a0 Twenty-five, thirty students in your class?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thirty-five students.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 How do they respond?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is usually broken into a seventy-thirty split.\u00a0 I would say seventy percent of them tend to have fairly good relationships with their parents.\u00a0 Thirty percent, though, tend to struggle and have awkward relationships with their parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, immediately, the thirty percent are fairly uneasy with where they see where this assignment is going to go.\u00a0 The seventy percent tend to feel a little bit convicted that they\u2019ve not done enough to really honor their parents or acknowledge what their parents have done in their lives to show appreciation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The thirty percent who feel the uneasiness you are talking about is it, \u201cI just don\u2019t want to go visit what is painful in my life?\u201d\u00a0 Is that what is causing them to pull back, do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve left home.\u00a0 I\u2019m now becoming slowly an adult, and I\u2019d really rather not look backward.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d rather wall-off\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014the pain that might be there and detach myself from it.\u00a0 They might come to you and say, \u201cDr. Muehlhoff, it says somewhere in the Bible forgetting what lies behind, I press on.\u00a0 So, why do I even need to deal with this?\u00a0 I mean, I just want turn my back and press on.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 In other words, they are just like us.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to deal with painful relationships.\u00a0 My college students are very much a representative of American culture.\u00a0 We move on very quickly.\u00a0 So, when I say to them, \u201cWe\u2019re actually going to go backwards.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to address, perhaps, the most important relationships of your lives and that\u2019s your parents.\u00a0 We are going to do it in a very systematic, very thoughtful way,\u201d I\u2019m putting a big speed bump in their path of moving on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you hear stories from some of them about not just painful pasts but horrific pasts that you\u2019d say, \u201cBoy, I can understand why you wouldn\u2019t want to go revisit that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some of them are resentful.\u00a0 They\u2019re resentful saying, \u201cOkay, why isn\u2019t my parent doing this?\u00a0 Why aren\u2019t they stopping and reflecting on our relationship?\u00a0 Why am I having to do this for crying out loud?\u00a0 Isn\u2019t this, their job as a parent?\u00a0 Why am I having to take the first step?\u00a0 I don\u2019t think this is my job.\u00a0 They should do it.\u201d\u00a0 So, it is kind of like this stare off a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me back you up, though, to the student who is struggling and saying, \u201cWhy do I need to do this?\u00a0 Can\u2019t I just seal that off, call it the past, and move on?\u00a0 Why do we have to revisit this?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the reasons I\u2019m so passionate about the tribute is that I struggled for years to write a tribute for my father.\u00a0 Precisely, for the reason, I didn\u2019t think he was worthy of the tribute.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis, I heard you speaking on the tribute for year, after year, after year.\u00a0 Every time you\u2019d speak on the tribute, I could easily see writing one for my mom.\u00a0 It was my dad that was the sticking point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, one year I heard you say, \u201cWe want our kids to honor us, but are we honoring our parents?\u201d\u00a0 It was the Holy Spirit who just took a sledge hammer.\u00a0 It was at that moment I realized, \u201cYou know, I want my three boys to honor me, but I am not modeling that at all.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, that is an inherently American, pragmatic answer to the question.\u00a0 There\u2019s a more profound answer to the question.\u00a0 The answer is God commands it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy heavenly Father looks at me and says, \u201cListen, there is something I\u2019m going to ask you to do, and that is I want you to honor your parents because it is the right thing to do.\u00a0 I am asking you to do this.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a profound issue we all need to wrestle with.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I say to my students, \u201cBefore I give you the American answer to this question, let me give you the God answer: that is, that your heavenly Father, who loves you and knows deeply how human relationship work, has asked you to do something.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what He asks you to do: honor your parents.\u00a0 Now, you need to wrestle with whether you\u2019re going to do that or not.\u00a0 By the way, He is not making the qualifications: are your parents worthy of the honor?\u00a0 He is asking you to do this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what specifically do you assign the students?\u00a0 What\u2019s the project they have to do for your class?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s projects, not just one.\u00a0 The first project is they write this paper.\u00a0 It is applying a stress model to their parents.\u00a0 It is called ABCX Stress Model.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe A refers to a stressor event that happens.\u00a0 The B refers to the resources that a family has to actually deal with the stress.\u00a0 The C refers to the perception that you would have of the stress based on the resources.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, if a family gets in a car accident but actually has a lot of money (they are fairly well off), well, the car accident really doesn\u2019t mean that much because I have the financial resources to really deal with it.\u00a0 If I don\u2019t have a lot of resources, then getting into that accident is crippling because I cannot replace it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have any insurance to help me.\u00a0 The X refers to all three of those being taken together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I assign this assignment that they have to pick one stressor event that has happened in their history of their family that they feel like as a student caused the most stress in their family.\u00a0 Second, they have to call one of their parents and ask them, \u201cWhat\u2019s the biggest stressor that has happened during the life of the family?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the parent they\u2019ve selected is the parent they are eventually going to write the tribute for.\u00a0 I ask them, \u201cGo ahead and pick the parent that you feel like you have the least intimate relationship with.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you\u2019re flying right in the face of the challenge of the conflict to begin with, aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Calling them to some courageous action?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Step up to the plate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014to a step of faith, to trust God at His word and say, \u201cI\u2019m going to honor my dad.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to honor my mom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m giving them an opening to have a productive conversation; so that, they make the phone call.\u00a0 They say, \u201cHey, Mom, Dad, I have this class, Family Communication class, and I\u2019ve been given this assignment.\u00a0 I have to ask you, \u2018What do you think has been the most stressful event in the history of our family?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStudents will later respond to me, \u201cThat was the most adult conversation I\u2019ve ever had with my dad.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had a conversation like that.\u00a0 It was pretty amazing the things that my dad said to me.\u00a0 I was blown away.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, then, they have this really interesting conversation.\u00a0 Then, they write it up in a paper.\u00a0 Once the paper is completed, I then say to them, \u201cNow, I want you to write a tribute for that parent.\u00a0 I want the tribute to be completely finished, matted, framed; but it is between you and the Lord whether you actually give the tribute to the parent.\u201d\u00a0 I would never mandate that.\u00a0 \u201cSo, you\u2019re going to write this thing, frame it, mat it.\u00a0 It is going to look like a million bucks, but it is up to you whether to actually give it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, by the way, they all present it to each other in the class.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They read the tribute they wrote for a parent to one another?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 They don\u2019t have to read it; but they summarize it, or they can choose to read it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to jump back to the thing that precedes the writing of the tribute, this diagnosis of the stressful moment.\u00a0 There has got to be some empathy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014that enters into the heart of a young person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014when you hear Mom or Dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014talk about stress because we all grow up thinking our parents\u2014well, they are parents.\u00a0 They\u2019re grown-ups.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They don\u2019t have to deal with stressful issues.\u00a0 So, when Dad says, \u201cWell, I was\u2014yes, I had a real stressful time when this happened.\u201d\u00a0 You start to thaw a little bit, don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, maybe, Bob, because a key part of the paper is the third section: did this produce empathy?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Why not?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of my students will say, \u201cI listened to my dad say, \u2018I did not handle that job loss very well.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 It hurt my family.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t treat Mom very well.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t around for you kids.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 It was really hard for me to lose that job.\u00a0 I did not act very well.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t a very good leader.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, then, I say, \u201cNow, did that produce empathy for you?\u201d\u00a0 It is amazing some of my students who say, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m kind of like, \u201cNo?\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Reflect on that for me.\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t that produce empathy?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to say to my students, \u201cI read that.\u201d\u00a0 I think, \u201cOh, that poor guy!\u00a0 He lost his dream job, and kind of went into a downward spiral.\u00a0 I feel bad for him.\u00a0 You just reflected on your dad and said, \u2018Eh.\u2019\u00a0 Reflect on that with me.\u00a0 Why that \u2018Eh?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, that\u2019s just kind of a nice moment for the child to say, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0 I guess I\u2019m not very charitable towards my dad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a pretty big expectation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 What I have seen, as I\u2019ve interacted with students, is that really shows a lack of understanding, a lack of compassion as you\u2019ve mentioned.\u00a0 Ultimately, the big issue here (because Bob and I have interacted with this a bunch over the years) is they are unwilling to forgive their mom or dad.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Good.\u00a0 Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can\u2019t honor someone that you haven\u2019t forgiven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s really good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Basically, the reason why I think God\u2014one of the main reasons He\u2019s put this in the Ten Commandments is He puts the big goal out there: \u201cHonor your mother and father that it may go well with you.\u201d\u00a0 Why would it go well with you?\u00a0 Because you\u2019ve given up the right to punish them for those things and those ways that they hurt you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, when the students present their tributes, I\u2019ve got to imagine that class day or series of class days is just one mess after another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it is an interesting contrast.\u00a0 Some students can write the tribute on the backstroke because they love their parents.\u00a0 Those tributes are just funny, affirming.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s key students who can get up and say, \u201cI\u2019m just not close to my dad.\u00a0 We just never connected.\u00a0 This was really hard for me.\u00a0 I struggled and didn\u2019t want to do it.\u00a0 Yet, I knew I had to; and, well, here it is.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust this past semester, we had this one student who could just barely do it.\u00a0 I said to him twice\u2014I said, \u201cYou know you don\u2019t have to finish reading this.\u00a0 You really don\u2019t.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cNo, I need to.\u201d\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t a dry eye in the place.\u00a0 I literally commended him.\u00a0 I said, \u201cThis was powerful.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes.\u00a0 I just needed to get it out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What stands out in your mind?\u00a0 You\u2019ve been doing this for four or five years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Probably, four years I\u2019ve been doing this assignment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What moments stand out?\u00a0 You just mentioned one.\u00a0 Are there others?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 One woman mentioned to her mom\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Wow!\u00a0 Didn\u2019t think that would happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re getting emotional now because the emotions, even in hearing another person\u2019s tribute\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2014really are profound.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019d she share?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, her mom said to her that we don\u2019t have very many positive memories.\u00a0 She knew that.\u00a0 She recognized that.\u00a0 So, she bought a camera.\u00a0 She knew that her daughter was going to New York on a trip over spring break.\u00a0 She knew that her daughter wanted to the tribute for her but said, \u201cI\u2019ve not been a good mother; so, I can imagine it must be hard to do the tribute.\u00a0 So, take this camera.\u00a0 Have some fun.\u00a0 Just pretend that I\u2019m with you, and we\u2019re having fun together.\u00a0 Just pretend that we\u2019re having these fun moments.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, her tribute was filled with all these great photographs of New York; but then, she had one key photograph saying that she had found love with her mother during that week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 For you, Tim, you said you could easily honor your mother but found it difficult to write a tribute to your father.\u00a0 Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had breakthrough moment with my dad speaking with Tom Fortson.\u00a0 Tom, at our conferences, heard me give my dad talk and took me aside.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWould you mind a little critique?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when the Vice President of Promise Keepers asks if you\u2019d like a little critique, you know, what are you supposed to say?\u00a0 So, I said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cHere\u2019s my observation: you\u2019re judging your dad with your generation\u2019s love language.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cYour generation\u2019s love language is going in the backyard and throwing the football around.\u00a0 Your generation\u2019s love language is wrestling on the carpet in the living room.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes, \u201cWhat do you think your dad\u2019s generations love language was?\u00a0 I think it\u2019s not leaving your mother and working double shifts to provide for you.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cDid your dad ever leave your mom?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cNope.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cDid he provide for you?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI think he loved you.\u201d\u00a0 It was honestly like the Holy Spirit turned on a switch.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember getting my varsity jacket for wrestling as a freshman.\u00a0 My dad says, \u201cPut it on.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m like, \u201cDad, it is the middle of August.\u201d\u00a0 He goes, \u201cPut it on.\u201d\u00a0 So, I put on my varsity jacket.\u00a0 We\u2019re driving with the windows down because it is incredibly hot.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got my hand out the window.\u00a0 My dad just looked at me and said, \u201cYou look good.\u201d\u00a0 That was it.\u00a0 That was my first memory on my tribute.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I put that down, things just came to mind.\u00a0 Working triple shifts sometimes at General Motors, not a great job.\u00a0 One summer he got me a job at General Motors.\u00a0 It was brutal.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cMy dad did this for thirty plus years.\u201d\u00a0 I often say to my students, \u201cI think you\u2019ll be surprised once you start to put them down on a piece of paper.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did it go with the factory worker from GM when his son came and said, \u201cI\u2019m going to read you a tribute?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, it was funny.\u00a0 My mom cried like a baby.\u00a0 Just, you know, the classic.\u00a0 My dad didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 I was not verbally expressive at all.\u00a0 I was a pain in the neck towards him.\u00a0 I never affirmed him, ever.\u00a0 So, this was like a double shot gun to the chest of affirmation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 So, I remember driving in the car with him, and he looked at me and said, \u201cThank you.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget it.\u201d\u00a0 It hung up on the wall \u2018til the day he died.\u00a0 When I spoke at his funeral, I simply took down the tribute and read it.\u00a0 Kind of nice that the tribute came a year and a half before he died.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say to my students, \u201cYou\u2019re thinking you have all this time to do this.\u201d\u00a0 The book of James is very clear you have today.\u00a0 It is a fool who says I have tomorrow.\u00a0 I said, \u201cNo.\u00a0 You need to take care of business now.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s really powerful to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exodus 20:12 \u201cHonor your father and your mother that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what the application is for every listener.\u00a0 I think the same freedom you gave your class is the one I want to give our listener.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re supposed to do; but whatever God is asking you to do, might be a good idea to do it.\u00a0 Thanks, Tim.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tim:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 You bet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I can imagine that some of our listeners are going to need to get a copy of your book, <em>The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents<\/em>, to help guide them in this process.\u00a0 The book really does a great job of helping an adult think through how to express honor, particularly, if you\u2019ve had a hard situation like some of your students had.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf our listeners are interested and maybe thinking about something special they want to do Mother\u2019s Day or Father\u2019s Day this year, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and ask for a copy of the book, <em>The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents<\/em>.\u00a0 We also have links online to articles and past programs where we\u2019ve talked about this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you want to dive in and listen to a little bit more or read some articles that are available online, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information.\u00a0 Or call us toll free at 1-800-FL-Today, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- F as in \u201cfamily\u201d, L as in \u201clife\u201d, then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 We can send a copy of Dennis\u2019s book out to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say a quick word of thanks today to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with donations and contributions from time to time.\u00a0 Also, want to say thank you to those of you who are new Legacy Partners, monthly donors to this ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate your financial support.\u00a0 It\u2019s what helps keep this ministry on the air in this community and on our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 So, we do appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, if you can help with a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d like to send you as a thank you gift a movie called <em>Magdalena: Through Her Eyes<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s the story of the life of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene.\u00a0 It is an eighty-two minute long feature film.\u00a0 It is powerfully done.\u00a0 Great for a family to watch together, especially as Easter comes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the nice things about the DVD is that the film is also over dubbed in Spanish, Portuguese, French, Mandarin, Korean, Arabic, Russian.\u00a0 So, if you know somebody who is a native speaker of one of these languages, you can watch the DVD and then pass it on to them.\u00a0 They can hear the story of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene in their own language.\u00a0 Very powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe DVD is our thank you gift to you when you help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this month.\u00a0 All you have to do is type \u201cMAGDVD\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 That\u2019s \u201cM-A-G-D-V-D\u201d.\u00a0 So, that we know to send you a copy of this film.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call us at 800-FL-Today, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800- F as in \u201cfamily\u201d, L as in \u201clife\u201d, then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, just let us know that you\u2019d like the <em>Magdalena<\/em> DVD.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 We appreciate very much your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I hope you can be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 We are going to hear Part One of a message from Dennis on the subject of surrender.\u00a0 What does it mean when God calls us to surrender our lives to Him?\u00a0 Dennis will answer that question tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302254"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302254"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302254"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302254"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}