{"id":302241,"date":"2011-03-22T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-03-22T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/preparing-your-daughter-for-dating\/"},"modified":"2011-03-22T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-03-22T15:00:00","slug":"preparing-your-daughter-for-dating","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/preparing-your-daughter-for-dating\/","title":{"rendered":"Preparing Your Daughter for Dating"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does your daughter know what to expect from a young man she&#8217;s dating?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-03-22.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"27.49M","filesize_raw":"28824010","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2836],"tags":[4018,2588],"podcast_series":[7516],"cwp_profile":[3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302241","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raising-girls","tag-dating","tag-teens","podcast_series-interviewing-your-daughters-date","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302241\/preparing-your-daughter-for-dating","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302241\/preparing-your-daughter-for-dating","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"tgIV96KlKz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/preparing-your-daughter-for-dating\/\">Preparing Your Daughter for Dating<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/preparing-your-daughter-for-dating\/embed\/#?secret=tgIV96KlKz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Preparing Your Daughter for Dating&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"tgIV96KlKz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-03-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-03-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Every little girl dreams of the day that her prince will come knocking at her door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 Once there was a princess.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was the princess you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 And she fell I love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was it hard to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was very easy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was he strong and handsome?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was he big and tall?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 There's nobody like him anywhere at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And every wise father knows it's not going to happen exactly like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[doorbell rings]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Boy:<\/strong>\u00a0 What's up?\u00a0 I like your daughter a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 [singing] Someday my prince will come \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Boy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dude, your daughter's, like, hot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[doorbell rings]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 [singing] And the birds will sing \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Boy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Define \u201ctouch.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 And wedding bells will ring \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, March 22nd.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Dad, we need to talk, because there\u2019s a young man who is about to show up at your door wanting to take your daughter out, and you\u2019d better know what to do when the doorbell rings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the birds will sing and wedding bells will ring \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0[doorbell]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0Someday when my dreams come true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 I have a very distinct memory of when my daughter was three or four years old, and she would come, and she'd climb up in my lap \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0You're talking about Amy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m talking about Amy.\u00a0 Or, I did this with Katy, too.\u00a0 The girls would come, and they'd climb up in my lap, and we'd cuddle, we'd hug, and then I would say, \"You know what, sweetheart, someday when you're older, a boy is going to want to take you on a date.\"\u00a0 And she'd look up at me and go, \"Huh?\"\u00a0 She doesn't know what a date means; she's three years old, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I'd go, \"And when he does, he's going to have to talk to your daddy first, isn't he?\"\u00a0 She'd go, \"Yes, he is.\"\u00a0 At age two or three, I was making sure that they understood what was ahead for them, even if they couldn't understand the words we were talking about, do you know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do, and I think you're really leading with an important principle there, and that is if you're going to be able to love, lead, protect, and guide your children when they're teenagers, especially your daughters, that means you need to do the work when they're younger to build a relationship with them and also create the expectation that as they move into these perilous years called the teenage years, you're going to be there. You're not just going to be a fixture, a disinterested fixture in their lives.\u00a0 You are going to be involved, and you're going to be checking out these guys, and you're going to be doing some interviewing of the boys who want to take your daughter out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0This is something you feel pretty strongly about.\u00a0 In fact, you've\u00a0 written a book called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date<\/em>, that is a pretty quick, easy-to-read book for men and for women to kind of give guys, particularly, a heads-up on how to be a dad when some young man comes knocking around your door and saying, \"Uh, is your daughter home?\u00a0 Uh, can I see her?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He probably won't talk that clearly.\u00a0 He'll probably stutter, stammer, and be a little nervous about the whole deal.\u00a0 I don't know that there is a dad alive when they place that first little girl in your arms, who is ready for the assignment of being her protector, her guardian, and the lover of her soul until she's old enough to be handed off to a young man at the altar.\u00a0 I don't think there's a guy who has the foggiest idea of all the choices that are before him, as a man and as a father, to really help guide and protect that little girl as she grows up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote the book to help dads begin the process of knowing how to connect to their daughter's hearts and build that bridge into their lives so that when that day comes that you described with Amy, when a young man comes knocking at the door, she'll know what to expect, and you'll know what to do, because you promised her you're going to be involved in her life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0I want you to think about a dad who might have a two-year-old or a three-year-old, or a six- or a seven-year-old, somebody who is still in elementary school or younger, and they're thinking, \"Okay, I hear you, and when the time comes, I'll be ready.\"\u00a0 But my question is, aren't there some things they ought to be doing now so that they're not just waiting for the time to come?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 I think a dad must use this time, these younger years, as you're describing, Bob, to build a relationship with his daughter and, for that matter, with his sons as well.\u00a0 If you don't have a relationship with your child, you're not going to be able to perform your duties and responsibilities as a dad if you aren't connected to her heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, as a dad, one of the ways I did that was I took my daughters on dates.\u00a0 Now, I dated my sons, too, but we went to the deer woods, and we went fishing and to sporting events.\u00a0 For my daughters, it was usually dating, and as they got a little older, I'd take them hunting for clothing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0A different kind of hunting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 But when our daughters were little, I remember some great dates where I'd pull up in front of the house, and I'd walk up to the house and Barbara would come.\u00a0 She'd be prepped about this whole deal, and I'd take Ashley out or Rebecca or Deborah or Laura and I'd spoil them.\u00a0 We'd have chocolate milk and chocolate pudding and chocolate pie and chocolate ice cream and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And get a chocolate milk shake on the way home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right, and laugh about what Mom would say about the whole deal as we did it.\u00a0 You may not think this has anything to do with interviewing their dates later, but that's a mistake.\u00a0 What these dates are doing and being connected and involved in their lives does, is it builds a bridge from your heart to their heart.\u00a0 I can tell you, those dates still remain some of the greatest memories.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then as our daughters got older, you have to be careful, as they get older, that you don't allow them to push you out of their lives and, at that point, stop pursuing them and stop taking them on dates and become afraid of them because they grow up, and they mature.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, those are times when you need to pursue your daughter and have a date.\u00a0 You need to be opening the door for her, pulling the chair out, treating her with courtesies, talking about what she should expect from a young man who dates her, and then just as you did with your daughters when they were little, start talking to them about, you know, \"When you get old enough to go on a date, it's going to be good.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to know, as a dad, because I love you just like I love you right now, and I'm taking you on this date, I want to be able to talk to that young man.\u00a0 You can expect me, as a father, to want to talk to him and just have a little conversation with him to make sure he's the right guy, to make sure he has the right standards, to make sure that he's going to care for you properly just as your daddy has.\u00a0 Isn't that a good idea, sweetheart?\"\u00a0 And, of course, they're going to nod their heads when they're little.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's when they get older \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 they're not so sure \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 they're not so sure about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0When a child is five or six, and daddy says that, yes, that makes all the sense in the world.\u00a0 I think what you're saying is those chocolate milk dates you take a child on in those early years, when they do get older, and when they start to feel some resistance to what they want, there's a cognitive dissonance in the mind of a child, because the child is thinking, \"It seems like my parents are against me, but this is same guy who used to take me on chocolate milk dates. Now, what do I do with that as a teenager?\u00a0 Has my dad changed?\u00a0 Did he use to like me and now he doesn't?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don't wrestle with this consciously, but in the subconscious mind, they know dad loves me, dad cares about me, I know it from all those chocolate milk dates.\u00a0 I don't like what he's saying, but they've got to do something with the fact that they know it's coming from a heart of love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to tell two quick stories about my daughter Ashley that really illustrate this.\u00a0 When she was seven years old, I asked her one time, I said, \"Ashley, what communicates love to you?\"\u00a0 She thought a little bit, and she thought, \"Well, it's when you take me out on a date; secondly, it's when you spend time with me, and, third,\" she said, \"is when I know you pray for me,\" as a little girl.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to know, as a father and a daughter, Ashley and I had some sweet, sweet times, but that seven-year-old grew up.\u00a0 I can remember when she turned 13, 14 years of age, she wasn't making great grades, she wasn't real athletic, and she was going through puberty and wasn't developed yet fully, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a tough time of life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was just really hard, and she was asking the question, \"Does anybody like me, because I don't like myself.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was in that time when I came to her, and Barbara came to her and said, \"You know what?\u00a0 We like you.\"\u00a0\u00a0 It was also during this time, Bob, that we couldn't tell her anything.\u00a0 She pushed back about everything we said, and she didn't even believe us when we told her that we liked her, but it's during those times that the relationship, heart-to-heart, that bridge that I'm talking about, gets built.\u00a0 You don't give up on them when they begin moving into the teenage years.\u00a0 When they push you out, you do not let them succeed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re going to do two things, I just want you to know as a dad and as a mom of a teenager.\u00a0 They\u2019re going to try to push you out of their lives, or secondly, they\u2019re going to try to pull you into the emotional mud puddle.\u00a0\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to be out, and you don\u2019t want to be in.\u00a0 You want to be in their corner, pulling for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget when Rebecca was a teenager, and I\u2019ve shared this story on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>I know more than once, but she was 15 or 16 and she was pushing us out and she was also trying to pull us into the mud puddle, and guys were the issue.\u00a0 We were talking to her about \u201cYou know, Dad\u2019s going to interview these guys before you go out on a date.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget this conversation.\u00a0 We were upstairs in our bedroom, and I think we were actually sitting on the bed, or maybe sprawled out on the bed.\u00a0 You know, a lot of the best conversations with a teenager occur at the very latest hour of the day when you\u2019re nearly comatose.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I pointed to the bed and I said, \u201cRebecca, it\u2019s as though you\u2019re in that corner and you\u2019re putting us in that corner,\u201d and I pointed at one corner of the bed and then all the way across the bed to the other corner.\u00a0 I said, \u201cIt\u2019s like a boxing ring.\u00a0 You think we\u2019re in one corner and we\u2019re in the other and we\u2019re at war against one another.\u00a0 I want you to know, Rebecca, I\u2019m not in the opposite corner.\u00a0 I\u2019m in your corner.\u00a0 Your mom and I love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, you know, I can't tell you, Bob, how exhausting those conversations were.\u00a0 I grew so weary of dealing with teenage insecurities as a father, and Barbara did, too, and we wondered, \"Are any of our messages getting through?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe worked on building those relationships, but if you don't have the relationship in place, you're going to find it very difficult to be able to convince your teenager of anything let along be able to speak truth into her life.\u00a0 Then when it comes time to intersect her life, when she wants to go out on a date with the opposite sex, with a boy that maybe she shouldn't be going out with, I'm going to tell you something, if you don't have a relationship with her, it's going to be very difficult for you to say to her, \"You know, sweetheart, you shouldn't go out with him.\u00a0 This is not a young man that you need to be going out with.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we played some of those cards.\u00a0 We said some of those things to our teenage daughters, and I'm going to tell you, we were not popular.\u00a0 But because we had the relationship, the relationship will weather the storm, and you can endure.\u00a0 It's why the relationship needs to be built all the way through from when they're toddlers and preschoolers and elementary to junior high, and then into the teenage years.\u00a0 You've got to pursue your teenage daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Our daughter Amy is our oldest child, and I remember when she was in 9th grade, she went to spend the night at a friend's house, and the next day she came home, and I said, \"What did you guys do last night?\"\u00a0 She started telling me what they had done and included in what they had done, they had gone out and spent some time at a park in the neighborhood.\u00a0 I said, \"Well, what time did you guys get back home?\"\u00a0 And she said, \"Oh, around midnight.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the alarm bells went off in my head.\u00a0 Midnight?\u00a0 She's in the 9th grade.\u00a0 You shouldn't be out in a park at midnight in the 9th grade.\u00a0 Where were these parents?\u00a0 They weren't paying attention.\u00a0 What was going on here?\u00a0 And, all of a sudden, it dawned on both Mary Ann and me -- we had never had a conversation with Amy about curfew, because we'd never had an issue about curfew.\u00a0 It had just never come up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when Amy said she was out to this park until midnight, I said, \"Well, honey, we don't want you being out in a park until midnight.\"\u00a0 \"Well, why not?\"\u00a0 All of a sudden, here we were in the 9th grade in the middle of it introducing a new subject, a new restriction that she had heard nothing about for the first 15 years of her life because we'd never brought it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt taught me an important principle, and that is you don't wait until these issues pop up to begin to address them with your children.\u00a0 All the way through those younger years, you've got to be laying the groundwork for what's ahead for you and that child so that when it happens, they know what the family standards and the family rules are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that applies to things like what's going to happen around the subject of dating or boys or what's going to happen if a young man does want to take you out.\u00a0 How old do you have to be for that to happen?\u00a0 And can it happen?\u00a0 And when can it happen?\u00a0 And what happens when it happens, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And what's the process that's going to happen here at our house, because we're the parents?\u00a0 You're the young people, and you're growing up here, and you've been given to us as a responsibility to care for.\u00a0 All we're talking about here means that a parent needs to have that relationship with his or her daughter before these issues become a reality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEphesians, chapter 6, verse 1 admonishes fathers.\u00a0 It says, \"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.\"\u00a0 One of the things that makes our children angry is when they do not feel like they have heart share, where they have a share of their father's heart, where they have a relationship with their father.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe easiest thing for us to do, as dads, is to give them gifts and stuff and just take them places, but, bottom line, the way you build a relationship is you accept them, you communicate that acceptance with your words, through verbal affirmation.\u00a0 You stay involved in their lives as they face issues, and you let them fail, and you kneel down with them as they fail, and you help them pick up the pieces, and you comfort them just like you need comfort when you fail.\u00a0 And then you get busy all the way through, building memories, investing in the stock of your relationship with your daughter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMemories, I believe, are the real collateral of a relationship with our daughters.\u00a0 I'm speaking in male terminology here to dads, because dads, if we're going to interview our daughter's dates, we've got to have some of those shared memories so we can go to the bank on the relationship and put our arms around our daughter and say, \"You know, I'm going to need to interview that young man before you go out on a date.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\"Well, what are you going to say, Dad?\"\u00a0 \"Well, we'll talk about that, honey, but I can promise you, I\u2019m looking out for your best interests, just like I always have.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have a particular dad in mind, a dad who is not sure he can pull this off because of what's happened in his relationship with his daughter in the past, but before I ask you about that, let me let our listeners know how they can get a copy of your new book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's called <em>Interviewing<\/em> <em>Your Daughter's Date<\/em>, and, in fact, one of the things we're hoping is that our listeners will not only call and get a single copy of this book, but we would like to see some dads -- maybe business owners or guys who are on the PTA at a school, guys who would step up and say, \"I'm not just going to get one copy.\u00a0 I'm going to get multiple copies of this book, because I think this needs to be passed around among the dads in our youth group or among the dads at the school where our kids go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we need to create a culture where this is not abnormal, but this is normal.\u00a0 So we have made multiple copies of the book available at a discounted price, and if you'd like more information on either getting a single copy for yourself or a whole box of books to pass around, go to our website, FamilyLife.com, to place your order.\u00a0 Or call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY, and we\u2019ll make arrangements to get the books that you\u2019d like sent out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cToday,\u201d and again, we\u2019ll make arrangements to get what you\u2019re looking for sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention that this week, for those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation to help keep us on this station and on our network of stations all across the country, we are making available as a thank you gift the audio book of <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if you\u2019d like to get a copy of that, make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type the word \u2018DATE\u2019 into the key code box when you make your online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, make a donation over the phone, and just ask for the audio book of <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em> and we\u2019ll send that out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say how much we appreciate your financial support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We could not do what we do without your support, and we\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, back to what we were talking about here just a minute ago.\u00a0 As we\u2019ve been talking about this idea of interviewing your daughter\u2019s dates and today talking about the importance of having a relationship established with your daughter and communicating the family values ahead of time so that this does not take her by surprise when the time comes.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking about dads I know who would say, \u201cYou know, I didn\u2019t do all that.\u00a0 I have a daughter who is 15 \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or 17, or 18.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- and I wasn\u2019t there, and I didn\u2019t take them out for chocolate milk dates, and now life is kind of spinning and when I try to step back in, it\u2019s like I have no platform to stand on.\u00a0 Is there anything I can do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Christianity is really all about second chances, and God fortunately forgave us and is in the process of continuing to forgive us when we fail because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross.\u00a0 And what we have to do is say, \"You know what?\u00a0 Maybe I wasn't there as I needed to be, but now is a fresh day, and today is an opportunity that I have to begin to build that bridge into my daughter's heart,\" and maybe to go to her and perhaps ask for forgiveness for not doing some of that earlier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then say, \"You know what?\u00a0 Regardless of what the past has, I'm going to attempt to be the father you need me to be.\u201d\u00a0 Now, if your daughter is teachable, and there are a number of teenagers who are very teachable and don't go through a deep rebellion toward their parents.\u00a0 Well, you're probably in good shape.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if your daughter really pushes back, really gets angry, really rebels or is in a current state of rebellion, you've got your work cut out for you to be able to, first of all, pursue her relationally and go after her heart.\u00a0 See how you can win her and how you can love her, to communicate to her, \u201cI not only want a relationship with you, but you know what?\u00a0 I want to be your guardian.\u00a0 I want to be your protector.\u00a0 I want to be the man you need me to be so you don't make one of the biggest mistakes you've ever made in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, you know, this is not an exact science.\u00a0 We're talking about dealing with a teenager here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, we can't guarantee the results, can we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We can't, we really can't.\u00a0 They may continue to rebel, and you may feel like you're about to lose them, but some of that, Bob, I determined as -- we were raising teenagers who weren't always perfect.\u00a0 In those moments of rebellion, what they're doing as teenagers is they're asking you to prove that you really do love them enough to put up with their antics that they don't even believe.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, it's interesting now to go back to our adult children and say, \"You know when you used to pitch a fit?\u00a0 What were you thinking?\"\u00a0 They'll smile with a little sly grin, and they'll say, \"I didn't really believe it, either.\"\u00a0 And it was, like, \"You rascal.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right, \"Why did you put me through all of that?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \"Why did you do that to me?\"\u00a0 But almost to a child, they all played that card with us because they knew it set us, as parents, back on our heels and put us in a defensive posture.\u00a0 As parents, you need to realize God's given us the privilege and the responsibility, and I have to say after having interviewed about\u00a0 35 or 40 young men, because I had four daughters who dated a good bit.\u00a0 I have to say that one of the greatest privileges God gave me was, as a dad, being able to invite a young man to step out back on the back porch with me and look him in the eye and have a heart-to-heart talk with him about what I believe are some of life's weightiest matters.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, you know, every once in a while I'd look through the window back into the house, and I'd see my teenage daughter sneaking a peek, to see if the guy had fainted, I guess.\u00a0 But, actually, I can say to you almost unequivocally, even though there were times when they didn't like it, all of them felt the protective care of a father's heart, and that's what you want your daughter to feel.\u00a0 You want them to feel that bridge of love from your heart to theirs, and you need them to know that \u201cI'm going to be your daddy no matter what.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["27.49M"],"filesize_raw":["28824010"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302241.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302241.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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your daughter know what to expect from a young man she's dating?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-03-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Every little girl dreams of the day that her prince will come knocking at her door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 Once there was a princess.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was the princess you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 And she fell I love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was it hard to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was very easy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was he strong and handsome?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was he big and tall?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 There's nobody like him anywhere at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And every wise father knows it's not going to happen exactly like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[doorbell rings]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Boy:<\/strong>\u00a0 What's up?\u00a0 I like your daughter a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 [singing] Someday my prince will come \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Boy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dude, your daughter's, like, hot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[doorbell rings]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 [singing] And the birds will sing \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Boy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Define \u201ctouch.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 And wedding bells will ring \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, March 22nd.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Dad, we need to talk, because there\u2019s a young man who is about to show up at your door wanting to take your daughter out, and you\u2019d better know what to do when the doorbell rings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the birds will sing and wedding bells will ring \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0[doorbell]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Girl:<\/strong>\u00a0Someday when my dreams come true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 I have a very distinct memory of when my daughter was three or four years old, and she would come, and she'd climb up in my lap \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0You're talking about Amy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m talking about Amy.\u00a0 Or, I did this with Katy, too.\u00a0 The girls would come, and they'd climb up in my lap, and we'd cuddle, we'd hug, and then I would say, \"You know what, sweetheart, someday when you're older, a boy is going to want to take you on a date.\"\u00a0 And she'd look up at me and go, \"Huh?\"\u00a0 She doesn't know what a date means; she's three years old, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I'd go, \"And when he does, he's going to have to talk to your daddy first, isn't he?\"\u00a0 She'd go, \"Yes, he is.\"\u00a0 At age two or three, I was making sure that they understood what was ahead for them, even if they couldn't understand the words we were talking about, do you know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do, and I think you're really leading with an important principle there, and that is if you're going to be able to love, lead, protect, and guide your children when they're teenagers, especially your daughters, that means you need to do the work when they're younger to build a relationship with them and also create the expectation that as they move into these perilous years called the teenage years, you're going to be there. You're not just going to be a fixture, a disinterested fixture in their lives.\u00a0 You are going to be involved, and you're going to be checking out these guys, and you're going to be doing some interviewing of the boys who want to take your daughter out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0This is something you feel pretty strongly about.\u00a0 In fact, you've\u00a0 written a book called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date<\/em>, that is a pretty quick, easy-to-read book for men and for women to kind of give guys, particularly, a heads-up on how to be a dad when some young man comes knocking around your door and saying, \"Uh, is your daughter home?\u00a0 Uh, can I see her?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He probably won't talk that clearly.\u00a0 He'll probably stutter, stammer, and be a little nervous about the whole deal.\u00a0 I don't know that there is a dad alive when they place that first little girl in your arms, who is ready for the assignment of being her protector, her guardian, and the lover of her soul until she's old enough to be handed off to a young man at the altar.\u00a0 I don't think there's a guy who has the foggiest idea of all the choices that are before him, as a man and as a father, to really help guide and protect that little girl as she grows up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote the book to help dads begin the process of knowing how to connect to their daughter's hearts and build that bridge into their lives so that when that day comes that you described with Amy, when a young man comes knocking at the door, she'll know what to expect, and you'll know what to do, because you promised her you're going to be involved in her life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0I want you to think about a dad who might have a two-year-old or a three-year-old, or a six- or a seven-year-old, somebody who is still in elementary school or younger, and they're thinking, \"Okay, I hear you, and when the time comes, I'll be ready.\"\u00a0 But my question is, aren't there some things they ought to be doing now so that they're not just waiting for the time to come?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 I think a dad must use this time, these younger years, as you're describing, Bob, to build a relationship with his daughter and, for that matter, with his sons as well.\u00a0 If you don't have a relationship with your child, you're not going to be able to perform your duties and responsibilities as a dad if you aren't connected to her heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, as a dad, one of the ways I did that was I took my daughters on dates.\u00a0 Now, I dated my sons, too, but we went to the deer woods, and we went fishing and to sporting events.\u00a0 For my daughters, it was usually dating, and as they got a little older, I'd take them hunting for clothing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0A different kind of hunting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right.\u00a0 But when our daughters were little, I remember some great dates where I'd pull up in front of the house, and I'd walk up to the house and Barbara would come.\u00a0 She'd be prepped about this whole deal, and I'd take Ashley out or Rebecca or Deborah or Laura and I'd spoil them.\u00a0 We'd have chocolate milk and chocolate pudding and chocolate pie and chocolate ice cream and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And get a chocolate milk shake on the way home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's right, and laugh about what Mom would say about the whole deal as we did it.\u00a0 You may not think this has anything to do with interviewing their dates later, but that's a mistake.\u00a0 What these dates are doing and being connected and involved in their lives does, is it builds a bridge from your heart to their heart.\u00a0 I can tell you, those dates still remain some of the greatest memories.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then as our daughters got older, you have to be careful, as they get older, that you don't allow them to push you out of their lives and, at that point, stop pursuing them and stop taking them on dates and become afraid of them because they grow up, and they mature.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, those are times when you need to pursue your daughter and have a date.\u00a0 You need to be opening the door for her, pulling the chair out, treating her with courtesies, talking about what she should expect from a young man who dates her, and then just as you did with your daughters when they were little, start talking to them about, you know, \"When you get old enough to go on a date, it's going to be good.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to know, as a dad, because I love you just like I love you right now, and I'm taking you on this date, I want to be able to talk to that young man.\u00a0 You can expect me, as a father, to want to talk to him and just have a little conversation with him to make sure he's the right guy, to make sure he has the right standards, to make sure that he's going to care for you properly just as your daddy has.\u00a0 Isn't that a good idea, sweetheart?\"\u00a0 And, of course, they're going to nod their heads when they're little.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's when they get older \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 they're not so sure \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 they're not so sure about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0When a child is five or six, and daddy says that, yes, that makes all the sense in the world.\u00a0 I think what you're saying is those chocolate milk dates you take a child on in those early years, when they do get older, and when they start to feel some resistance to what they want, there's a cognitive dissonance in the mind of a child, because the child is thinking, \"It seems like my parents are against me, but this is same guy who used to take me on chocolate milk dates. Now, what do I do with that as a teenager?\u00a0 Has my dad changed?\u00a0 Did he use to like me and now he doesn't?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don't wrestle with this consciously, but in the subconscious mind, they know dad loves me, dad cares about me, I know it from all those chocolate milk dates.\u00a0 I don't like what he's saying, but they've got to do something with the fact that they know it's coming from a heart of love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to tell two quick stories about my daughter Ashley that really illustrate this.\u00a0 When she was seven years old, I asked her one time, I said, \"Ashley, what communicates love to you?\"\u00a0 She thought a little bit, and she thought, \"Well, it's when you take me out on a date; secondly, it's when you spend time with me, and, third,\" she said, \"is when I know you pray for me,\" as a little girl.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to know, as a father and a daughter, Ashley and I had some sweet, sweet times, but that seven-year-old grew up.\u00a0 I can remember when she turned 13, 14 years of age, she wasn't making great grades, she wasn't real athletic, and she was going through puberty and wasn't developed yet fully, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a tough time of life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was just really hard, and she was asking the question, \"Does anybody like me, because I don't like myself.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was in that time when I came to her, and Barbara came to her and said, \"You know what?\u00a0 We like you.\"\u00a0\u00a0 It was also during this time, Bob, that we couldn't tell her anything.\u00a0 She pushed back about everything we said, and she didn't even believe us when we told her that we liked her, but it's during those times that the relationship, heart-to-heart, that bridge that I'm talking about, gets built.\u00a0 You don't give up on them when they begin moving into the teenage years.\u00a0 When they push you out, you do not let them succeed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re going to do two things, I just want you to know as a dad and as a mom of a teenager.\u00a0 They\u2019re going to try to push you out of their lives, or secondly, they\u2019re going to try to pull you into the emotional mud puddle.\u00a0\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to be out, and you don\u2019t want to be in.\u00a0 You want to be in their corner, pulling for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget when Rebecca was a teenager, and I\u2019ve shared this story on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>I know more than once, but she was 15 or 16 and she was pushing us out and she was also trying to pull us into the mud puddle, and guys were the issue.\u00a0 We were talking to her about \u201cYou know, Dad\u2019s going to interview these guys before you go out on a date.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget this conversation.\u00a0 We were upstairs in our bedroom, and I think we were actually sitting on the bed, or maybe sprawled out on the bed.\u00a0 You know, a lot of the best conversations with a teenager occur at the very latest hour of the day when you\u2019re nearly comatose.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I pointed to the bed and I said, \u201cRebecca, it\u2019s as though you\u2019re in that corner and you\u2019re putting us in that corner,\u201d and I pointed at one corner of the bed and then all the way across the bed to the other corner.\u00a0 I said, \u201cIt\u2019s like a boxing ring.\u00a0 You think we\u2019re in one corner and we\u2019re in the other and we\u2019re at war against one another.\u00a0 I want you to know, Rebecca, I\u2019m not in the opposite corner.\u00a0 I\u2019m in your corner.\u00a0 Your mom and I love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, you know, I can't tell you, Bob, how exhausting those conversations were.\u00a0 I grew so weary of dealing with teenage insecurities as a father, and Barbara did, too, and we wondered, \"Are any of our messages getting through?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe worked on building those relationships, but if you don't have the relationship in place, you're going to find it very difficult to be able to convince your teenager of anything let along be able to speak truth into her life.\u00a0 Then when it comes time to intersect her life, when she wants to go out on a date with the opposite sex, with a boy that maybe she shouldn't be going out with, I'm going to tell you something, if you don't have a relationship with her, it's going to be very difficult for you to say to her, \"You know, sweetheart, you shouldn't go out with him.\u00a0 This is not a young man that you need to be going out with.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we played some of those cards.\u00a0 We said some of those things to our teenage daughters, and I'm going to tell you, we were not popular.\u00a0 But because we had the relationship, the relationship will weather the storm, and you can endure.\u00a0 It's why the relationship needs to be built all the way through from when they're toddlers and preschoolers and elementary to junior high, and then into the teenage years.\u00a0 You've got to pursue your teenage daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Our daughter Amy is our oldest child, and I remember when she was in 9th grade, she went to spend the night at a friend's house, and the next day she came home, and I said, \"What did you guys do last night?\"\u00a0 She started telling me what they had done and included in what they had done, they had gone out and spent some time at a park in the neighborhood.\u00a0 I said, \"Well, what time did you guys get back home?\"\u00a0 And she said, \"Oh, around midnight.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the alarm bells went off in my head.\u00a0 Midnight?\u00a0 She's in the 9th grade.\u00a0 You shouldn't be out in a park at midnight in the 9th grade.\u00a0 Where were these parents?\u00a0 They weren't paying attention.\u00a0 What was going on here?\u00a0 And, all of a sudden, it dawned on both Mary Ann and me -- we had never had a conversation with Amy about curfew, because we'd never had an issue about curfew.\u00a0 It had just never come up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when Amy said she was out to this park until midnight, I said, \"Well, honey, we don't want you being out in a park until midnight.\"\u00a0 \"Well, why not?\"\u00a0 All of a sudden, here we were in the 9th grade in the middle of it introducing a new subject, a new restriction that she had heard nothing about for the first 15 years of her life because we'd never brought it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt taught me an important principle, and that is you don't wait until these issues pop up to begin to address them with your children.\u00a0 All the way through those younger years, you've got to be laying the groundwork for what's ahead for you and that child so that when it happens, they know what the family standards and the family rules are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that applies to things like what's going to happen around the subject of dating or boys or what's going to happen if a young man does want to take you out.\u00a0 How old do you have to be for that to happen?\u00a0 And can it happen?\u00a0 And when can it happen?\u00a0 And what happens when it happens, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And what's the process that's going to happen here at our house, because we're the parents?\u00a0 You're the young people, and you're growing up here, and you've been given to us as a responsibility to care for.\u00a0 All we're talking about here means that a parent needs to have that relationship with his or her daughter before these issues become a reality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEphesians, chapter 6, verse 1 admonishes fathers.\u00a0 It says, \"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.\"\u00a0 One of the things that makes our children angry is when they do not feel like they have heart share, where they have a share of their father's heart, where they have a relationship with their father.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe easiest thing for us to do, as dads, is to give them gifts and stuff and just take them places, but, bottom line, the way you build a relationship is you accept them, you communicate that acceptance with your words, through verbal affirmation.\u00a0 You stay involved in their lives as they face issues, and you let them fail, and you kneel down with them as they fail, and you help them pick up the pieces, and you comfort them just like you need comfort when you fail.\u00a0 And then you get busy all the way through, building memories, investing in the stock of your relationship with your daughter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMemories, I believe, are the real collateral of a relationship with our daughters.\u00a0 I'm speaking in male terminology here to dads, because dads, if we're going to interview our daughter's dates, we've got to have some of those shared memories so we can go to the bank on the relationship and put our arms around our daughter and say, \"You know, I'm going to need to interview that young man before you go out on a date.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\"Well, what are you going to say, Dad?\"\u00a0 \"Well, we'll talk about that, honey, but I can promise you, I\u2019m looking out for your best interests, just like I always have.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have a particular dad in mind, a dad who is not sure he can pull this off because of what's happened in his relationship with his daughter in the past, but before I ask you about that, let me let our listeners know how they can get a copy of your new book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's called <em>Interviewing<\/em> <em>Your Daughter's Date<\/em>, and, in fact, one of the things we're hoping is that our listeners will not only call and get a single copy of this book, but we would like to see some dads -- maybe business owners or guys who are on the PTA at a school, guys who would step up and say, \"I'm not just going to get one copy.\u00a0 I'm going to get multiple copies of this book, because I think this needs to be passed around among the dads in our youth group or among the dads at the school where our kids go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we need to create a culture where this is not abnormal, but this is normal.\u00a0 So we have made multiple copies of the book available at a discounted price, and if you'd like more information on either getting a single copy for yourself or a whole box of books to pass around, go to our website, FamilyLife.com, to place your order.\u00a0 Or call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY, and we\u2019ll make arrangements to get the books that you\u2019d like sent out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cToday,\u201d and again, we\u2019ll make arrangements to get what you\u2019re looking for sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention that this week, for those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation to help keep us on this station and on our network of stations all across the country, we are making available as a thank you gift the audio book of <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if you\u2019d like to get a copy of that, make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type the word \u2018DATE\u2019 into the key code box when you make your online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, make a donation over the phone, and just ask for the audio book of <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em> and we\u2019ll send that out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say how much we appreciate your financial support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We could not do what we do without your support, and we\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, back to what we were talking about here just a minute ago.\u00a0 As we\u2019ve been talking about this idea of interviewing your daughter\u2019s dates and today talking about the importance of having a relationship established with your daughter and communicating the family values ahead of time so that this does not take her by surprise when the time comes.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking about dads I know who would say, \u201cYou know, I didn\u2019t do all that.\u00a0 I have a daughter who is 15 \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or 17, or 18.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- and I wasn\u2019t there, and I didn\u2019t take them out for chocolate milk dates, and now life is kind of spinning and when I try to step back in, it\u2019s like I have no platform to stand on.\u00a0 Is there anything I can do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Christianity is really all about second chances, and God fortunately forgave us and is in the process of continuing to forgive us when we fail because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross.\u00a0 And what we have to do is say, \"You know what?\u00a0 Maybe I wasn't there as I needed to be, but now is a fresh day, and today is an opportunity that I have to begin to build that bridge into my daughter's heart,\" and maybe to go to her and perhaps ask for forgiveness for not doing some of that earlier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then say, \"You know what?\u00a0 Regardless of what the past has, I'm going to attempt to be the father you need me to be.\u201d\u00a0 Now, if your daughter is teachable, and there are a number of teenagers who are very teachable and don't go through a deep rebellion toward their parents.\u00a0 Well, you're probably in good shape.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if your daughter really pushes back, really gets angry, really rebels or is in a current state of rebellion, you've got your work cut out for you to be able to, first of all, pursue her relationally and go after her heart.\u00a0 See how you can win her and how you can love her, to communicate to her, \u201cI not only want a relationship with you, but you know what?\u00a0 I want to be your guardian.\u00a0 I want to be your protector.\u00a0 I want to be the man you need me to be so you don't make one of the biggest mistakes you've ever made in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, you know, this is not an exact science.\u00a0 We're talking about dealing with a teenager here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, we can't guarantee the results, can we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We can't, we really can't.\u00a0 They may continue to rebel, and you may feel like you're about to lose them, but some of that, Bob, I determined as -- we were raising teenagers who weren't always perfect.\u00a0 In those moments of rebellion, what they're doing as teenagers is they're asking you to prove that you really do love them enough to put up with their antics that they don't even believe.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, it's interesting now to go back to our adult children and say, \"You know when you used to pitch a fit?\u00a0 What were you thinking?\"\u00a0 They'll smile with a little sly grin, and they'll say, \"I didn't really believe it, either.\"\u00a0 And it was, like, \"You rascal.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right, \"Why did you put me through all of that?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \"Why did you do that to me?\"\u00a0 But almost to a child, they all played that card with us because they knew it set us, as parents, back on our heels and put us in a defensive posture.\u00a0 As parents, you need to realize God's given us the privilege and the responsibility, and I have to say after having interviewed about\u00a0 35 or 40 young men, because I had four daughters who dated a good bit.\u00a0 I have to say that one of the greatest privileges God gave me was, as a dad, being able to invite a young man to step out back on the back porch with me and look him in the eye and have a heart-to-heart talk with him about what I believe are some of life's weightiest matters.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, you know, every once in a while I'd look through the window back into the house, and I'd see my teenage daughter sneaking a peek, to see if the guy had fainted, I guess.\u00a0 But, actually, I can say to you almost unequivocally, even though there were times when they didn't like it, all of them felt the protective care of a father's heart, and that's what you want your daughter to feel.\u00a0 You want them to feel that bridge of love from your heart to theirs, and you need them to know that \u201cI'm going to be your daddy no matter what.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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