{"id":302240,"date":"2011-03-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-03-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-dating-years-she-needs-you\/"},"modified":"2011-03-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-03-21T15:00:00","slug":"the-dating-years-she-needs-you","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-dating-years-she-needs-you\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dating Years&#8211;She Needs You!"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The dating years can be brimming with heartbreak, confusion, and uncertainty.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-03-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.42M","filesize_raw":"24560213","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2836],"tags":[4018,2588],"podcast_series":[7516],"cwp_profile":[3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302240","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raising-girls","tag-dating","tag-teens","podcast_series-interviewing-your-daughters-date","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302240\/the-dating-years-she-needs-you","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302240\/the-dating-years-she-needs-you","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ErhcLxr8YR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-dating-years-she-needs-you\/\">The Dating Years&#8211;She Needs You!<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-dating-years-she-needs-you\/embed\/#?secret=ErhcLxr8YR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Dating Years&#8211;She Needs You!&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ErhcLxr8YR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-03-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-03-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is the time of year when a lot of school students start making plans for the big upcoming senior prom, or spring formal, or whatever the dance is called at your child\u2019s school.\u00a0 Now, if you are a dad and you have a daughter, listen carefully\u2014Dennis Rainey has an assignment for you, and it involves interviewing your daughter\u2019s date.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have to work against the voices that we hear whispering in our ears, or sometimes shouting in our ears, saying, \u201cYou can\u2019t do this.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have a right to do this.\u00a0 You are just a parent.\u00a0 You are not a professional.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know how to handle it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to tell you something, having done this more than 30 times, by the time we finish, we have to walk out shoulder to shoulder.\u00a0 It was like, \u201cYou know what, that wasn\u2019t so bad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 21st.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Dad, are you ready to take on the assignment of interviewing the young man who wants to take your daughter to the spring formal or the senior prom?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.\u00a0 I was at the bookstore the other day and saw a bunch of teenagers in the bookstore.\u00a0 You know what they were doing, don\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were they boycotting the bookstore?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 They were inside the bookstore.\u00a0 They were over at the display where your book has come out.\u00a0 They were actually turning the books so that they would face backwards so parents could not see the titles of the book or else they were hiding them over in the bargain book section\u2014just doing whatever they can to get rid of this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 It is likely there were Christian kids doing that, too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is a movement.\u00a0 You are a rabble-rouser!\u00a0 You are a trouble maker with this book of yours!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 I am not either.\u00a0 I am one who is attempting to give courage to dads and moms all across the country to protect their sons and daughters as they move into the dating arena.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but the sons and the daughters are saying, \u201cWe don\u2019t want this much protection.\u00a0 [laughter]\u00a0 We want a little more freedom than you are willing to give us.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 No doubt about it; but you know what, every generation before them has pushed back.\u00a0 That shouldn\u2019t keep us from being engaged as moms and dads in this whole process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You pushed back a little yourself when you were going through it, didn't you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did, Bob; but when I had taken a young lady out, I wished there had been a dad there who would have said, \u201cYoung man, come back here to the back room with me for just a few moments.\u00a0 I have a few questions for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You wish that now.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t wish it when you were 17.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I never had the thought when I was 17.\u00a0 I mean, you are totally self absorbed.\u00a0 Anything like that would have derailed the train.\u00a0 I am thinking that now as a dad.\u00a0 I think it is one of the most important things I have ever done as a dad for my daughters and, for that matter, for the young men who dated my daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have put the thoughts related to this in a book called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>.\u00a0 Your goal with this is to rally some husbands, some fathers, and some moms to be a little more involved in what is going on with their teenagers, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Bob, I wrote this book\u2014let me just tell you personally why I wrote it.\u00a0 I wrote it because nothing I have done as a daddy, as I have protected my daughters, has left me as satisfied as when I have walked off our back porch, having talked to a young man who just wanted to take my daughter out to get a Coke but who needed to talk to me first and have a little heart-to-heart about the value of my daughter and understand how important she was to me, and her dignity as a young lady, and how I wanted him to respect that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are having fun just even remembering.... \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am just telling you, one of my regrets on this whole deal\u2014I have to tell you is that I did not have t-shirts made that said, \u201cI survived Mr. Rainey\u2019s interview.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTruthfully, these young men who came to our home\u2014I suppose somewhere between 30 and 40 of them\u2014I had four daughters.\u00a0 By the way, I had some young men who called me up and said, \u201cMr. Rainey, I don\u2019t want to take any of your daughters out, but I would like the interview.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, yes.\u00a0 We had young men who said, \u201cI just feel the need to talk to an older man about this thing.\u00a0 You know what, I don\u2019t want to take your daughter out to do it.\u00a0 Would you sit down and interview me?\u201d\u00a0 Yes, there were a handful of guys who did that.\u00a0 I actually had some sons who brought their dads.\u00a0 I had some young men who brought their brothers.\u00a0 Oh, yes, it was a cool deal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began to experience around this, Bob, is that there is a generation of young men today who know in their chest that they need to step up as young men.\u00a0 In order to do that, they have to have an older man step up in front of them to reach down and say, \u201cCome on, it is okay up here; but let me talk to you straight about what it means to be a young man and how you care for a young lady,\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI put these experiences down in a very short book that is about 100 pages long.\u00a0 Basically, I wanted it to be big print so the guys would read it.\u00a0 They could read it in an hour, hour and a half, and it would really do three things, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, it would appeal to a man's chest, to his heart, to give him the courage to go do what every man knows he needs to go do.\u00a0 In fact, let me just read something as I begin the book, because I think men are like this -- I say, \"There was a day that doesn't seem too long ago when this dating stuff was the furthest thing from her mind.\u00a0 Back when her only plans for Saturday night were for us to run barefoot together in the mowed grass and playing freeze tag and catching fireflies.\u00a0 But now it's turned out I wasn't the only one who would discover how much fun she is to be around.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I write a little bit later on in that same chapter, \"Dads, what I'm calling you to do is to give your daughter the same strength that once kept you treading water at the base of a diving board; the same sense of protection that kept your hand on the back of her bicycle seat; the same love that pulled her toward you when her friends were mean-spirited, when her hopes were dashed, when life was big but to her you, as her daddy, were bigger.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there's something about a man who is listening to me right now, Bob, who knows exactly what I'm talking about.\u00a0 If you have a daughter, you know you have a little extra responsibility for her than you do for those sons of yours.\u00a0 There's a certain sense with the sons where, you know, you tell them about the facts of life, you give them the boundaries, you give them the instruction, and then you've got to kind of push them out there and let them learn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, yes, you do seek to protect their innocence and guard them and guide them, but there is something different about a daddy's love for his daughter, something different about his protection of her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you wrote this with those dads in mind just to say, \"Come on, you can do this.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I mean, this is not a guilt-producing book.\u00a0 This is really a very quick read for guys to say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 We're all in this thing together.\u00a0 Just begin to pump this thought into the mind of your daughter, that as she gets old enough to date, you are going to be her daddy to protect her in this process, and you're going to want to talk to the young men who take her out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there's a second thing, Bob, what I wanted to do in writing this book is I wanted to just give guys the basic skills.\u00a0 You know, to give them the courage is one thing, but then guys, you can even see it in their eyes, they're going, \"Dennis, I don't know what to say.\u00a0 I'm not sure what to do.\u00a0 What's the process?\u00a0 How do you go about this?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I've found, Bob, as I've written about this is there are a lot more guys doing this around the country than we realize.\u00a0 You and I were on a bus together with a bus driver in Virginia and I was talking about this book; and he said, \"Oh, I interview my daughter's dates,\" and I think he even interviewed some of his god-daughter's dates.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he talked about this checklist that he has, and he's come up with that he walks young men through before he lets them go out with his daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Didn't he say he checks their credit report?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We'll talk about this later in the series, Bob, when we give them the actual steps of interviewing, but, yes, he does a credit report -- not exactly like a credit union would do, but he checks out their reputation in the community, what the teachers say about him, the coaches, even calls their parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a guy who, he and his wife run an inner city ministry, and he understands the statistics.\u00a0 He knows the need there is within that community for strong young men of high character who stand for something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this book is designed to share skills -- skills that I've learned, skills that other men have practiced in how you go about talking to your daughter about this whole process of interviewing her dates and then actually how you sit down with a young men or a number of young men over a number of years and how you actually take them through the interview.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, you introduced this subject, and a lot of us flash back to television shows we saw in the '50s or the '60s, reruns we've seen where there's a nervous young man on the couch, and there's a stern father with a pipe in his hand, and he goes, \"Now, son,\" and we kind of think of it, \"Well, this is something that happened a generation or two ago, but come on, this is the 21st Century we're in.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, and you know what?\u00a0 That's exactly why I wrote the book, because we've reasoned and rationalized our way out of the picture so that our daughters and their dates end up going out without the natural boundaries that a daddy -- it's the \u201cDaddy Factor\u201d -- that he can provide in the dating relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm going to tell you, I've found, as a result of talking to these guys, it does make a difference in how they think about our daughters.\u00a0 And if there has ever been a time, if there has ever been an age, if there has ever been a generation of teenagers that needed the \u201cDaddy Factor,\u201d it's today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe've got MTV, we've got a generation of peer pressure and of lowered standards, almost to unbelievable levels, and the question is , \u201cWho is going to raise the standard?\u00a0 The youth pastor?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, he's doing all he can do.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cIs it going to be church?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, the church isn't quite sure how to relate to the next generation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the person who is most gifted to do this and has been placed there by God with the responsibility to do this, is good ol' dad.\u00a0 All he needs is a little heart and some skills and you know what?\u00a0 You can do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0The culture has changed, and I think you bring up a very valid point -- the standards, morality--are very different today than they were a generation or two ago.\u00a0 This is a hooking-up culture, this is a pornography-over-the-internet culture, this is a highly-sexualized culture we live in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the human heart hasn't changed that much, and what is in the human heart of a teenage boy, or for that matter, a teenage girl in our culture today is probably not that much different than it was a generation or two ago.\u00a0 It is just like someone poured gasoline on the fire and said, \u201cNo limits; no boundaries.\u201d\u00a0 That is the era in which kids are growing up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I think this is a generation of parents that is hungry to know how to combat this combustible experiment we are talking about here when the opposite sexes get together in this sexually-energized, compressed culture that we live in.\u00a0 Yet, as I mentioned earlier, they don\u2019t know how to engage.\u00a0 Just at the time when our teenagers need us to be pressing in, they end up pushing us out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a lot of parents are doing is\u2014they are letting their teenagers push them out of their lives in an era when, frankly, if they knew what was best for them, which they don\u2019t, but if they did know what was best for them, they would be inviting their parents into this area of their lives because they are immature emotionally; spiritually they are growing up\u2014they may even be in church and know what is right\u2014but they still are not ready to make many of these choices.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is why as parents, we need to be careful not to wait for our teenagers to invite us in.\u00a0 Instead, we have to have the courage to step into our kids\u2019 lives when they have both hands up, pushing us out, saying, \u201cNo, no, no, no, no!\u00a0 You are going to make me look weird; you are going to make me look strange.\u00a0 I am going to be the outcast of the school.\u00a0 This is going to be horrible for me!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have probably heard every excuse you can imagine from our four daughters.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t always appreciate it.\u00a0 The question is, \u201cHow else are you going to really protect your daughters as they begin this dating adventure?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The challenge is that it seems so countercultural today that your teenagers are saying, \"I don't want to be as weird as you're asking me to be,\" and, frankly, I think there are some parents who are saying, \"I'm not sure I want to be that weird, and I'm, frankly, kind of nervous having the young man come over and sit down.\u00a0 He doesn't want to, and I don't want to, so let's just move on.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, the easiest thing to do today, Bob, is nothing.\u00a0 There is no resistance against doing nothing.\u00a0 It's the easiest thing to do.\u00a0 It's what we see a lot of parents doing, and it's why we have, as a result, a whole generation of young people who have sexually- transmitted diseases.\u00a0 They're experiencing sex before marriage, which is not how God intended it, and so they're going to carry that baggage into their marriages and their families, and they're going to feel disqualified that they can't speak about it with their children, and so we're perpetuating a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what has to happen right now is we have to work against the voices that we hear whispering in our ears or sometimes shouting in our ears to say, \"You can't do this.\u00a0 You don't have a right to do this.\u00a0 You're just a parent.\u00a0 You're not a professional.\u00a0 You don't know how to handle it.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I want to tell you something -- having done this more than 30 times, I want you to know I was always nervous.\u00a0 I never knew exactly what I was going to say before I sat down, even though I had an eight-point checklist that I talk about in this book.\u00a0 But every one of those young men was different, and I treated them with respect and with dignity and also treated them differently.\u00a0 I sought to connect with them relationally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I have to tell you, at the end of the interview, every time, by the time we'd finished, even though at a point in the conversation, the young man could not look me in the eye.\u00a0 I mean, it was tough, because we're talking about gritty stuff older man to younger man, stuff that younger men need to hear from older men, even though they had lost eye contact at a point in the conversation, when we walked out, we kind of walked out shoulder-to-shoulder.\u00a0 Both kind of pumped up with our muscles and adrenaline flowing, and it was, like, \u201cThat wasn't so bad.\u00a0 I did that.\u00a0 I survived that.\u00a0 You know what, and, yeah, when I become a daddy, I might just do that with a young man who will want to take my daughter out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's coming a long ways from being scared to death, going out on the back porch with me; but it happened, Bob, and it happened over and over again.\u00a0 And the interesting thing is today, and I know I'm speaking to a bunch of parents who have a hard time believing me, but this week you're going to hear some audio from my daughters who are now in their 20s.\u00a0 They are on the other side of the teenage years, and one of my daughters that you'll hear from is married, the other one isn't married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you're going to hear how they view this thing and how they viewed it as they were growing up and what they were thinking about as I interviewed those young men on the back porch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Some of our listeners are wondering why we're even talking about this subject because we've interviewed Joshua Harris, who wrote the book, <em>I Kissed Dating Goodbye<\/em>.\u00a0 What were your daughters doing dating in the first place, you know?\u00a0 I mean, why were you letting them go out with boys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, they didn't date much.\u00a0 In fact \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You had them read that book, didn't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 I thought that was a great book and, frankly, the older we got and the more teenagers we raised, really, the less attraction dating had for our sons and daughters.\u00a0 But the reality is, no matter how much sense it makes to us, more than likely, some way or another, they're going to date.\u00a0 They're going to figure out a way to get with the opposite sex, and the key thing is if they're going to do that, then you know what?\u00a0 I'm going to have a talk with the young man.\u00a0 I want to be able to interact with him.\u00a0 I want to be able to look eyeball-to-eyeball and let him know that you know what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy daughter, Laura, is special.\u00a0 I expect him to treat her as a quality woman, and that she's not just another young lady, she is a young lady made in the image of God.\u00a0 I'm counting on him to take good care of her, because I've been working for the past -- well, with Laura, over 22 years taking care of her, and I expect him to do the same, whether he goes out with her one time or whether he takes her out for 50 times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI go on to spell out what that looks like in terms of taking care of her, and, I promise you, it's more than just opening the door for her or sliding out a chair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we did have an opportunity a few weeks ago, when your daughter, Laura, was in town, we asked her to come in, and we just wanted the straight scoop from her about what she thought of this whole procedure at her house, of having to bring boys by and get them interviewed by dad.\u00a0 And you weren't here, you didn't get a chance to listen to her.\u00a0 Did you even coach her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is just straight from \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I promise you, knowing Laura, this is the unvarnished truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We asked her; we said, \"What was it like when you were in high school and you knew, if you were going out with somebody, they had to go through your dad's interview?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong>\u00a0 Honestly, whenever I was younger in high school I thought it was stupid, \"This is ridiculous,\" you know, I'd go back, \u201cBlah blah blah,\u201d because I wasn't, like, dating.\u00a0 We didn't go out on\u2014in high school you don't go out on dates very often.\u00a0 You're either boyfriend and girlfriend, which my parents never really grasped that in high school.\u00a0 Like, \u201cYou're going steady?\u00a0 Did he give you your class ring, because that's what we did,\u201d and I'm, like, \"No,\" you know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo high school\u2014it was just totally different, which I thought it was stupid but, at the same time, they were trying to protect me because the majority of high school relationships don't last, and you don't marry your high school sweetheart.\u00a0 Yes, there are people that do marry their high school sweetheart; but most of the time, it doesn't happen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for a high-schooler it is appropriate for the dad to step in and not necessarily put boundaries for their dating relationship but just kind of be a presence in their relationship.\u00a0 I think that's what Dad was trying to do, and it's really for protection just because they don't really last.\u00a0 I'm definitely not going to marry the guy I dated in high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Just listening to that, she's a little wiser today than she was back in the midst of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my goodness, she was not easy to lead when she was a teenager in her junior and senior year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you interview some of her dates?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely, every one of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And was she excited to bring the boys by?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, every one of our daughters, because we started talking about it early on before they were even old enough to date, kind of understood, it didn't matter what their attitude was.\u00a0 It was going to happen regardless, and so it was kind of like gravity, you know, it's there; it's going to happen \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Deal with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you think there were some guys who either didn't ask your daughters out or once they found out what the test was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, it scared all kinds of undesirables away.\u00a0 Our daughters, later on, told me, \"Oh, Dad, you saved us enormous heartache by keeping the bad guys away.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, one of the clips we'll play later on is a clip from Ashley talking about how she called me from college and said, \"Daddy, could you come over here to the University of Mississippi and interview some of these guys because, man, they don't cut it.\u00a0 I mean, there are some real jerks over here.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, and, you know, if a dad is going to be able to pull that off or even have his daughter call and want that to happen when she's in college, he's going to have to start early.\u00a0 This is not something that you spring on your daughters when they turn 17 and have them go, \"Oh, I was hoping you'd want to step in and do this.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to really build a family culture where this is a part of what's understood, and I think a great first step for a lot of dads is going to be to get a copy of your book, which is called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date<\/em>.\u00a0 If you would like to get a copy or if you would like to get multiple copies and pass them along to other dads you know, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can order copies from us online.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800- FL-TODAY (1-800-358-6329).\u00a0 You can ask for a copy of the book by Dennis Rainey called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>.\u00a0 If you are interested in the audio book, this week we are making it available to those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Make your donation online and type the word, \u201cDATE,\u201d into the key code box or make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Just mention you would like the audio book of <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date.<\/em>\u00a0 That is our thank-you gift to you when you help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate your partnership with us and couldn\u2019t do what we do if it weren\u2019t for those donations.\u00a0 Thanks in advance for whatever you are able to do in support of the ministry.\u00a0 Again, if you would like a copy of the book, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order it.\u00a0 If you would like the audio book, make a donation online or give us a call and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we are going to talk more about the interview process\u2014how you get ready for it; what you say.\u00a0 We will kind of walk you through the whole thing.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright 2011 \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.42M"],"filesize_raw":["24560213"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302240.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302240.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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dating years can be brimming with heartbreak, confusion, and uncertainty.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-03-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is the time of year when a lot of school students start making plans for the big upcoming senior prom, or spring formal, or whatever the dance is called at your child\u2019s school.\u00a0 Now, if you are a dad and you have a daughter, listen carefully\u2014Dennis Rainey has an assignment for you, and it involves interviewing your daughter\u2019s date.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have to work against the voices that we hear whispering in our ears, or sometimes shouting in our ears, saying, \u201cYou can\u2019t do this.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have a right to do this.\u00a0 You are just a parent.\u00a0 You are not a professional.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know how to handle it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to tell you something, having done this more than 30 times, by the time we finish, we have to walk out shoulder to shoulder.\u00a0 It was like, \u201cYou know what, that wasn\u2019t so bad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 21st.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Dad, are you ready to take on the assignment of interviewing the young man who wants to take your daughter to the spring formal or the senior prom?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.\u00a0 I was at the bookstore the other day and saw a bunch of teenagers in the bookstore.\u00a0 You know what they were doing, don\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were they boycotting the bookstore?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 They were inside the bookstore.\u00a0 They were over at the display where your book has come out.\u00a0 They were actually turning the books so that they would face backwards so parents could not see the titles of the book or else they were hiding them over in the bargain book section\u2014just doing whatever they can to get rid of this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 It is likely there were Christian kids doing that, too.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is a movement.\u00a0 You are a rabble-rouser!\u00a0 You are a trouble maker with this book of yours!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 I am not either.\u00a0 I am one who is attempting to give courage to dads and moms all across the country to protect their sons and daughters as they move into the dating arena.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but the sons and the daughters are saying, \u201cWe don\u2019t want this much protection.\u00a0 [laughter]\u00a0 We want a little more freedom than you are willing to give us.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 No doubt about it; but you know what, every generation before them has pushed back.\u00a0 That shouldn\u2019t keep us from being engaged as moms and dads in this whole process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You pushed back a little yourself when you were going through it, didn't you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did, Bob; but when I had taken a young lady out, I wished there had been a dad there who would have said, \u201cYoung man, come back here to the back room with me for just a few moments.\u00a0 I have a few questions for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You wish that now.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t wish it when you were 17.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I never had the thought when I was 17.\u00a0 I mean, you are totally self absorbed.\u00a0 Anything like that would have derailed the train.\u00a0 I am thinking that now as a dad.\u00a0 I think it is one of the most important things I have ever done as a dad for my daughters and, for that matter, for the young men who dated my daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have put the thoughts related to this in a book called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>.\u00a0 Your goal with this is to rally some husbands, some fathers, and some moms to be a little more involved in what is going on with their teenagers, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Bob, I wrote this book\u2014let me just tell you personally why I wrote it.\u00a0 I wrote it because nothing I have done as a daddy, as I have protected my daughters, has left me as satisfied as when I have walked off our back porch, having talked to a young man who just wanted to take my daughter out to get a Coke but who needed to talk to me first and have a little heart-to-heart about the value of my daughter and understand how important she was to me, and her dignity as a young lady, and how I wanted him to respect that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are having fun just even remembering.... \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am just telling you, one of my regrets on this whole deal\u2014I have to tell you is that I did not have t-shirts made that said, \u201cI survived Mr. Rainey\u2019s interview.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTruthfully, these young men who came to our home\u2014I suppose somewhere between 30 and 40 of them\u2014I had four daughters.\u00a0 By the way, I had some young men who called me up and said, \u201cMr. Rainey, I don\u2019t want to take any of your daughters out, but I would like the interview.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, yes.\u00a0 We had young men who said, \u201cI just feel the need to talk to an older man about this thing.\u00a0 You know what, I don\u2019t want to take your daughter out to do it.\u00a0 Would you sit down and interview me?\u201d\u00a0 Yes, there were a handful of guys who did that.\u00a0 I actually had some sons who brought their dads.\u00a0 I had some young men who brought their brothers.\u00a0 Oh, yes, it was a cool deal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began to experience around this, Bob, is that there is a generation of young men today who know in their chest that they need to step up as young men.\u00a0 In order to do that, they have to have an older man step up in front of them to reach down and say, \u201cCome on, it is okay up here; but let me talk to you straight about what it means to be a young man and how you care for a young lady,\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI put these experiences down in a very short book that is about 100 pages long.\u00a0 Basically, I wanted it to be big print so the guys would read it.\u00a0 They could read it in an hour, hour and a half, and it would really do three things, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, it would appeal to a man's chest, to his heart, to give him the courage to go do what every man knows he needs to go do.\u00a0 In fact, let me just read something as I begin the book, because I think men are like this -- I say, \"There was a day that doesn't seem too long ago when this dating stuff was the furthest thing from her mind.\u00a0 Back when her only plans for Saturday night were for us to run barefoot together in the mowed grass and playing freeze tag and catching fireflies.\u00a0 But now it's turned out I wasn't the only one who would discover how much fun she is to be around.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I write a little bit later on in that same chapter, \"Dads, what I'm calling you to do is to give your daughter the same strength that once kept you treading water at the base of a diving board; the same sense of protection that kept your hand on the back of her bicycle seat; the same love that pulled her toward you when her friends were mean-spirited, when her hopes were dashed, when life was big but to her you, as her daddy, were bigger.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there's something about a man who is listening to me right now, Bob, who knows exactly what I'm talking about.\u00a0 If you have a daughter, you know you have a little extra responsibility for her than you do for those sons of yours.\u00a0 There's a certain sense with the sons where, you know, you tell them about the facts of life, you give them the boundaries, you give them the instruction, and then you've got to kind of push them out there and let them learn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, yes, you do seek to protect their innocence and guard them and guide them, but there is something different about a daddy's love for his daughter, something different about his protection of her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you wrote this with those dads in mind just to say, \"Come on, you can do this.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I mean, this is not a guilt-producing book.\u00a0 This is really a very quick read for guys to say, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 We're all in this thing together.\u00a0 Just begin to pump this thought into the mind of your daughter, that as she gets old enough to date, you are going to be her daddy to protect her in this process, and you're going to want to talk to the young men who take her out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there's a second thing, Bob, what I wanted to do in writing this book is I wanted to just give guys the basic skills.\u00a0 You know, to give them the courage is one thing, but then guys, you can even see it in their eyes, they're going, \"Dennis, I don't know what to say.\u00a0 I'm not sure what to do.\u00a0 What's the process?\u00a0 How do you go about this?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I've found, Bob, as I've written about this is there are a lot more guys doing this around the country than we realize.\u00a0 You and I were on a bus together with a bus driver in Virginia and I was talking about this book; and he said, \"Oh, I interview my daughter's dates,\" and I think he even interviewed some of his god-daughter's dates.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he talked about this checklist that he has, and he's come up with that he walks young men through before he lets them go out with his daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Didn't he say he checks their credit report?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We'll talk about this later in the series, Bob, when we give them the actual steps of interviewing, but, yes, he does a credit report -- not exactly like a credit union would do, but he checks out their reputation in the community, what the teachers say about him, the coaches, even calls their parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a guy who, he and his wife run an inner city ministry, and he understands the statistics.\u00a0 He knows the need there is within that community for strong young men of high character who stand for something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this book is designed to share skills -- skills that I've learned, skills that other men have practiced in how you go about talking to your daughter about this whole process of interviewing her dates and then actually how you sit down with a young men or a number of young men over a number of years and how you actually take them through the interview.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, you introduced this subject, and a lot of us flash back to television shows we saw in the '50s or the '60s, reruns we've seen where there's a nervous young man on the couch, and there's a stern father with a pipe in his hand, and he goes, \"Now, son,\" and we kind of think of it, \"Well, this is something that happened a generation or two ago, but come on, this is the 21st Century we're in.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, and you know what?\u00a0 That's exactly why I wrote the book, because we've reasoned and rationalized our way out of the picture so that our daughters and their dates end up going out without the natural boundaries that a daddy -- it's the \u201cDaddy Factor\u201d -- that he can provide in the dating relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm going to tell you, I've found, as a result of talking to these guys, it does make a difference in how they think about our daughters.\u00a0 And if there has ever been a time, if there has ever been an age, if there has ever been a generation of teenagers that needed the \u201cDaddy Factor,\u201d it's today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe've got MTV, we've got a generation of peer pressure and of lowered standards, almost to unbelievable levels, and the question is , \u201cWho is going to raise the standard?\u00a0 The youth pastor?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, he's doing all he can do.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cIs it going to be church?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, the church isn't quite sure how to relate to the next generation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the person who is most gifted to do this and has been placed there by God with the responsibility to do this, is good ol' dad.\u00a0 All he needs is a little heart and some skills and you know what?\u00a0 You can do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0The culture has changed, and I think you bring up a very valid point -- the standards, morality--are very different today than they were a generation or two ago.\u00a0 This is a hooking-up culture, this is a pornography-over-the-internet culture, this is a highly-sexualized culture we live in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the human heart hasn't changed that much, and what is in the human heart of a teenage boy, or for that matter, a teenage girl in our culture today is probably not that much different than it was a generation or two ago.\u00a0 It is just like someone poured gasoline on the fire and said, \u201cNo limits; no boundaries.\u201d\u00a0 That is the era in which kids are growing up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I think this is a generation of parents that is hungry to know how to combat this combustible experiment we are talking about here when the opposite sexes get together in this sexually-energized, compressed culture that we live in.\u00a0 Yet, as I mentioned earlier, they don\u2019t know how to engage.\u00a0 Just at the time when our teenagers need us to be pressing in, they end up pushing us out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a lot of parents are doing is\u2014they are letting their teenagers push them out of their lives in an era when, frankly, if they knew what was best for them, which they don\u2019t, but if they did know what was best for them, they would be inviting their parents into this area of their lives because they are immature emotionally; spiritually they are growing up\u2014they may even be in church and know what is right\u2014but they still are not ready to make many of these choices.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is why as parents, we need to be careful not to wait for our teenagers to invite us in.\u00a0 Instead, we have to have the courage to step into our kids\u2019 lives when they have both hands up, pushing us out, saying, \u201cNo, no, no, no, no!\u00a0 You are going to make me look weird; you are going to make me look strange.\u00a0 I am going to be the outcast of the school.\u00a0 This is going to be horrible for me!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have probably heard every excuse you can imagine from our four daughters.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t always appreciate it.\u00a0 The question is, \u201cHow else are you going to really protect your daughters as they begin this dating adventure?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The challenge is that it seems so countercultural today that your teenagers are saying, \"I don't want to be as weird as you're asking me to be,\" and, frankly, I think there are some parents who are saying, \"I'm not sure I want to be that weird, and I'm, frankly, kind of nervous having the young man come over and sit down.\u00a0 He doesn't want to, and I don't want to, so let's just move on.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, the easiest thing to do today, Bob, is nothing.\u00a0 There is no resistance against doing nothing.\u00a0 It's the easiest thing to do.\u00a0 It's what we see a lot of parents doing, and it's why we have, as a result, a whole generation of young people who have sexually- transmitted diseases.\u00a0 They're experiencing sex before marriage, which is not how God intended it, and so they're going to carry that baggage into their marriages and their families, and they're going to feel disqualified that they can't speak about it with their children, and so we're perpetuating a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what has to happen right now is we have to work against the voices that we hear whispering in our ears or sometimes shouting in our ears to say, \"You can't do this.\u00a0 You don't have a right to do this.\u00a0 You're just a parent.\u00a0 You're not a professional.\u00a0 You don't know how to handle it.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I want to tell you something -- having done this more than 30 times, I want you to know I was always nervous.\u00a0 I never knew exactly what I was going to say before I sat down, even though I had an eight-point checklist that I talk about in this book.\u00a0 But every one of those young men was different, and I treated them with respect and with dignity and also treated them differently.\u00a0 I sought to connect with them relationally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I have to tell you, at the end of the interview, every time, by the time we'd finished, even though at a point in the conversation, the young man could not look me in the eye.\u00a0 I mean, it was tough, because we're talking about gritty stuff older man to younger man, stuff that younger men need to hear from older men, even though they had lost eye contact at a point in the conversation, when we walked out, we kind of walked out shoulder-to-shoulder.\u00a0 Both kind of pumped up with our muscles and adrenaline flowing, and it was, like, \u201cThat wasn't so bad.\u00a0 I did that.\u00a0 I survived that.\u00a0 You know what, and, yeah, when I become a daddy, I might just do that with a young man who will want to take my daughter out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's coming a long ways from being scared to death, going out on the back porch with me; but it happened, Bob, and it happened over and over again.\u00a0 And the interesting thing is today, and I know I'm speaking to a bunch of parents who have a hard time believing me, but this week you're going to hear some audio from my daughters who are now in their 20s.\u00a0 They are on the other side of the teenage years, and one of my daughters that you'll hear from is married, the other one isn't married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you're going to hear how they view this thing and how they viewed it as they were growing up and what they were thinking about as I interviewed those young men on the back porch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Some of our listeners are wondering why we're even talking about this subject because we've interviewed Joshua Harris, who wrote the book, <em>I Kissed Dating Goodbye<\/em>.\u00a0 What were your daughters doing dating in the first place, you know?\u00a0 I mean, why were you letting them go out with boys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, they didn't date much.\u00a0 In fact \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You had them read that book, didn't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 I thought that was a great book and, frankly, the older we got and the more teenagers we raised, really, the less attraction dating had for our sons and daughters.\u00a0 But the reality is, no matter how much sense it makes to us, more than likely, some way or another, they're going to date.\u00a0 They're going to figure out a way to get with the opposite sex, and the key thing is if they're going to do that, then you know what?\u00a0 I'm going to have a talk with the young man.\u00a0 I want to be able to interact with him.\u00a0 I want to be able to look eyeball-to-eyeball and let him know that you know what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy daughter, Laura, is special.\u00a0 I expect him to treat her as a quality woman, and that she's not just another young lady, she is a young lady made in the image of God.\u00a0 I'm counting on him to take good care of her, because I've been working for the past -- well, with Laura, over 22 years taking care of her, and I expect him to do the same, whether he goes out with her one time or whether he takes her out for 50 times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI go on to spell out what that looks like in terms of taking care of her, and, I promise you, it's more than just opening the door for her or sliding out a chair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we did have an opportunity a few weeks ago, when your daughter, Laura, was in town, we asked her to come in, and we just wanted the straight scoop from her about what she thought of this whole procedure at her house, of having to bring boys by and get them interviewed by dad.\u00a0 And you weren't here, you didn't get a chance to listen to her.\u00a0 Did you even coach her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is just straight from \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I promise you, knowing Laura, this is the unvarnished truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We asked her; we said, \"What was it like when you were in high school and you knew, if you were going out with somebody, they had to go through your dad's interview?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong>\u00a0 Honestly, whenever I was younger in high school I thought it was stupid, \"This is ridiculous,\" you know, I'd go back, \u201cBlah blah blah,\u201d because I wasn't, like, dating.\u00a0 We didn't go out on\u2014in high school you don't go out on dates very often.\u00a0 You're either boyfriend and girlfriend, which my parents never really grasped that in high school.\u00a0 Like, \u201cYou're going steady?\u00a0 Did he give you your class ring, because that's what we did,\u201d and I'm, like, \"No,\" you know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo high school\u2014it was just totally different, which I thought it was stupid but, at the same time, they were trying to protect me because the majority of high school relationships don't last, and you don't marry your high school sweetheart.\u00a0 Yes, there are people that do marry their high school sweetheart; but most of the time, it doesn't happen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for a high-schooler it is appropriate for the dad to step in and not necessarily put boundaries for their dating relationship but just kind of be a presence in their relationship.\u00a0 I think that's what Dad was trying to do, and it's really for protection just because they don't really last.\u00a0 I'm definitely not going to marry the guy I dated in high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Just listening to that, she's a little wiser today than she was back in the midst of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my goodness, she was not easy to lead when she was a teenager in her junior and senior year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you interview some of her dates?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely, every one of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And was she excited to bring the boys by?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, every one of our daughters, because we started talking about it early on before they were even old enough to date, kind of understood, it didn't matter what their attitude was.\u00a0 It was going to happen regardless, and so it was kind of like gravity, you know, it's there; it's going to happen \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Deal with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you think there were some guys who either didn't ask your daughters out or once they found out what the test was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, it scared all kinds of undesirables away.\u00a0 Our daughters, later on, told me, \"Oh, Dad, you saved us enormous heartache by keeping the bad guys away.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, one of the clips we'll play later on is a clip from Ashley talking about how she called me from college and said, \"Daddy, could you come over here to the University of Mississippi and interview some of these guys because, man, they don't cut it.\u00a0 I mean, there are some real jerks over here.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, and, you know, if a dad is going to be able to pull that off or even have his daughter call and want that to happen when she's in college, he's going to have to start early.\u00a0 This is not something that you spring on your daughters when they turn 17 and have them go, \"Oh, I was hoping you'd want to step in and do this.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to really build a family culture where this is a part of what's understood, and I think a great first step for a lot of dads is going to be to get a copy of your book, which is called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter's Date<\/em>.\u00a0 If you would like to get a copy or if you would like to get multiple copies and pass them along to other dads you know, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can order copies from us online.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800- FL-TODAY (1-800-358-6329).\u00a0 You can ask for a copy of the book by Dennis Rainey called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>.\u00a0 If you are interested in the audio book, this week we are making it available to those of you who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Make your donation online and type the word, \u201cDATE,\u201d into the key code box or make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Just mention you would like the audio book of <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date.<\/em>\u00a0 That is our thank-you gift to you when you help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate your partnership with us and couldn\u2019t do what we do if it weren\u2019t for those donations.\u00a0 Thanks in advance for whatever you are able to do in support of the ministry.\u00a0 Again, if you would like a copy of the book, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order it.\u00a0 If you would like the audio book, make a donation online or give us a call and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we are going to talk more about the interview process\u2014how you get ready for it; what you say.\u00a0 We will kind of walk you through the whole thing.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright 2011 \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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