{"id":302222,"date":"2011-02-22T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-02-22T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-intentional-woman\/"},"modified":"2011-02-22T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-02-22T17:00:00","slug":"the-intentional-woman","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-intentional-woman\/","title":{"rendered":"The Intentional Woman"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you considered how your clothing and actions affects those around you?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.59M","filesize_raw":"24732083","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2093],"tags":[4283,4001],"podcast_series":[7790],"cwp_profile":[3160],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302222","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-women","tag-wisdom","tag-women","podcast_series-girls-gone-wise","cwp_profile-mary-kassian","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302222\/the-intentional-woman","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302222\/the-intentional-woman","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"gwdlbfN7zL\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-intentional-woman\/\">The Intentional Woman<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-intentional-woman\/embed\/#?secret=gwdlbfN7zL\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Intentional Woman&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"gwdlbfN7zL\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ladies, are you ever guilty of scheming?\u00a0 Mary Kassian says there is a difference being wily and being wise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary Kassian:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I love that word \u201cwily\u201d because it reminds me of Wily Coyote, you know, who always came up with a new scheme to get the bird.\u00a0 It\u2019s the same way that girls today always come up with a new scheme to get the guys.\u00a0 And girls\u2019 magazines nowadays, women\u2019s magazines, actually give women instruction on how to kind of give those \u201ccome get me\u201d signals, step-by-step instructions on how to be wild, really, is what the instructions are for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> for Tuesday, February 22<sup>nd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve ever thought that getting a relationship to go in the direction you want it to go may require a little scheming, then stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know why I liked this book right from the start, don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Of course.\u00a0 The song that Mary Kassian quotes at the beginning, and I knew as soon as I saw it.\u00a0 I thought , \u201cWe\u2019re probably going to begin the broadcast with Bob pulling out the guitar.\u00a0 You pick up a book and go all the way back to . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 1966.\u00a0 The Troggs.\u00a0 Wild thing.\u00a0 You make my heart sing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I told you you\u2019d do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you see the Troggs side by side with Ephesians chapter 5, I\u2019m going, \u201cThis is a book for me, right here, if you got that working.\u201d\u00a0 I love it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was actually thinking of the picture of the Troggs standing there.\u00a0 I was thinking, \u201cThey\u2019re singing about a wild thing, when they looked pretty weird.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They did.\u00a0 Ephesians 5, though, says \u201cLook carefully how you walk, not as unwise, or wild, but as wise.\u201d\u00a0 So it kind of fits the context here, doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\u00a0 And we have the author of the book <em>Girls Gone Wise<\/em>, Mary Kassian, joining us again on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Mary, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\u00a0 Good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary is from Canada.\u00a0 She is a long-time friend.\u00a0 She\u2019s been married since 1982, has three sons, speaks all over Canada and the United States, and really around the world, and has taught at seminary \u2013 actually a number of seminaries across North America.\u00a0 This book, as I was reading it, Mary, I was thinking there are a lot of topics that need to be addressed today, but this one is a must.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was at a mall the other day, and I was not prepared \u2013 I\u2019m sorry, I know I\u2019m getting older.\u00a0 My kids are now adults and I was not prepared for the lack of clothing by not one or two, but just a whole number of young ladies at the mall.\u00a0 When I got back with Barbara I said, \u201cIf they weren\u2019t prostitutes, I don\u2019t know what they were.\u201d\u00a0 They might as well have had a sign hung around their neck saying \u201cI\u2019m for sale.\u00a0 Buy me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s one of the marks of a wild woman.\u00a0 In Proverbs chapter 7 there are several characteristics of wildness that we see in women.\u00a0 And that\u2019s one of them, that she dresses like a prostitute.\u00a0 She\u2019s not a prostitute, she is not that, and yet she dresses herself to advertise that really she wants to attract men with her body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And she doesn\u2019t end up there by happenstance.\u00a0 She actually ends up there on purpose.\u00a0 You quote in the book Proverbs 5, talking about how a young lady like this, or a woman like this who is older, is actually being intentional about what they\u2019re doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think that they are not being intentional about walking in the way of God, which is what Proverbs 5 says.\u00a0 It says that \u201cHer ways wander.\u00a0 She does not ponder the path of life.\u201d\u00a0 So she\u2019s not thinking about the ways of God.\u00a0 Her ways wander and she does not know it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I think there is a need to be intentional nowadays, and particularly nowadays for young women to be intentional about figuring out how they ought to live as a Christian woman, and how God would have them conduct themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you know, you talk about being at the mall and seeing how these women were dressed.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had conversations with young women, and we\u2019ve talked about dress, and they\u2019ll look at me and go, \u201cOh, come on.\u00a0 You think what I\u2019m wearing might be immodest?\u00a0 Have you been on the streets lately?\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019ll say it\u2019s just your old-fashioned . . . .\u00a0 This is just a different age.\u00a0 It\u2019s a different . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m a fuddy-duddy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 They\u2019ll say, \u201cThis is no big deal.\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m not being provocative at all dressing this way, compared to the women who are all around me in the . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you can always find somebody to compare yourself with to feel good about yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know.\u00a0 I had a daughter who went to college in New York, and we\u2019d have these conversations.\u00a0 She said, \u201cDad, go walk down the street with your eyes open in New York and then come back and tell me whether I\u2019m dressing provocatively or not.\u201d\u00a0 And so, there\u2019s this whole issue of cultural standard, and women going, \u201cI\u2019m not being provocative if I\u2019m dressing this way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think that there is an issue of cultural standard, and you certainly do need to be aware of that.\u00a0 However, I do think that there is this wildness, and where you cross the line is when you dress in a way that you use your body, you expose the private parts of yourself in order to attract attention and in order to try and snag a guy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that\u2019s the thing with the wild thing of Proverbs chapter 7, where she was intentional.\u00a0 She wasn\u2019t intentional about walking in the ways of the Lord; she was intentional about using what she had to try and get a guy, and to try and get a guy to give her the kind of attention that she wanted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s be honest.\u00a0 When we dress, I mean, even on a given day, we dress with the desire to make some kind of a statement.\u00a0 I mean, you were coming down here to be on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 You packed your suitcase, and you thought before you came, \u201cWhat should I wear so that I will give the right appearance,\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Appearance is an important question for a woman to consider, and I think that more important than just, \u201cOh, how do I put myself together?\u00a0 How do I look beautiful but stay away from appearing seductive,\u201d I think that it\u2019s very important for a woman to understand the purpose of clothing and why we wear clothes in the first place.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScripture teaches us that we wear clothing, we cover our nakedness, to bear witness and testimony to the way that Jesus Christ covers our shame and covers our need for a Savior; that he covers us.\u00a0 He covers our sin, and that\u2019s why we are covered with clothes.\u00a0 It goes back to the story of Genesis.\u00a0 So talking about that \u2013 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then you do deal with real practical questions of what does that mean when I\u2019m standing in a dressing room and trying on that skirt, and if that skirt is too short or too tight.\u00a0 And it is very important.\u00a0 You know what, I\u2019m glad that you had those conversations with your daughter, because I think it\u2019s really important that fathers are looking at their daughters and saying, \u201cListen, sweetheart. You\u2019re not walking out the door like that because \u2013 because --\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not because I\u2019m your dad and I know . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Been there.\u00a0 Done that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Been there. Done that.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 But here\u2019s the deal, and Barbara and I felt the tension back in the 90s when we were raising teenage young ladies.\u00a0 Today it\u2019s even worse.\u00a0 The pressure on these young ladies who are not fully adult, so they\u2019re not totally mature.\u00a0 Their hearts from a full awareness of who Jesus Christ is and what he expects of them \u2013 they\u2019re in process, these young ladies.\u00a0 Our daughters were, at the time.\u00a0 But they\u2019re going to school and they\u2019re feeling odd, they\u2019re feeling weird.\u00a0 And the clothing today is getting tighter and less of it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI turned to Barbara the other day in another conversation; I said, \u201cI didn\u2019t think they could figure out new ways to accentuate a woman\u2019s body,\u201d but the fashion industry is clever.\u00a0 They\u2019re incredible.\u00a0 They\u2019re enticing young ladies to buy this clothing.\u00a0 How does a mom or a dad have a conversation with their daughter around this issue so that the dress truly reflects where their hearts ought to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think you need to start young.\u00a0 I think the key is to start at a very young age teaching her that she needs to dress in a way that is appropriate, that is feminine, and yet that is in a way that sends the right message.\u00a0 You know, this whole issue of being wild and of wildness and of women dressing and being very sexual \u2013 it really ties into the matter of the feminist movement.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWay back to the 1960s, we were taught in culture that women needed to grab power and to be powerful and to claim the right for themselves to define what their lives were all about.\u00a0 At that time, there was a real rebellion against feminine dress or even sexual dress.\u00a0 There was a big rebellion against the Miss America Pageant, saying \u201cOh, well that sexualizes women and that puts women as sex objects.\u00a0 Men are doing that, and so we\u2019re going to rebel against that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that whole thought of claiming power and that it\u2019s good for women to have power kind of lingered on, and in this new generation goes, \u201cWell, sex is power.\u00a0 My sexuality is powerful, and therefore I\u2019m going to use my body as a powerful weapon to be alluring to guys and to exert power over them that way.\u201d\u00a0 And so there\u2019s been this real interesting twist of girls going wild and seeing it as a form of power and a form of their personal empowerment and liberation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So is a girl who has gone wild, is that somebody who is sexually aggressive, or can you be a wild girl without being sexually aggressive?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that there\u2019s wildness in each one of us.\u00a0 When you think of wildness, really it goes back to the Garden of Eden, the first girl gone wild, which was Eve.\u00a0 Really to me, wildness is just a woman who relies on her own instincts and her own wisdom for knowing how to live, rather than relying on who God says she is, and relying on how God says she ought to live.\u00a0 So wildness is really when we turn away from our Creator and we just rely on ourselves.\u00a0 That is really the mark of many women today, and many women in the church too.\u00a0 Wisdom is when we turn back to the Lord and figure out how he says we ought to live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things you say is that you can tell a lot about a woman in terms of how she relates to the man in her life.\u00a0 I\u2019m assuming you\u2019re saying that of a woman who is married as well as the single women, how they relate to men.\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I believe that the Lord has created us women and created us with a womanly disposition.\u00a0 If you observe relationships,\u00a0 if you observe the way that a woman treats the men in her life, if she\u2019s respectful, if she honors them and respects them, if she interacts with them in a womanly way, in a way that really is responsive and in a way that is not the loud, defiant, controlling, manipulative type way, you\u2019ll know that she\u2019s equipped with a lot of skills that will really help her in a marriage relationship and will really help her to make a marriage work.\u00a0 So you can tell a lot by a woman in just the way that she interacts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that with my daughter-in-law, Jacqueline, I could tell a lot about her when I watched the way that she interacted with her dad and with her brother, and then the way she interacted just with her male friends, and then the way she interacted with my son.\u00a0 You could tell a lot about her character and about whether or not she had committed herself to following God\u2019s way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I couldn\u2019t agree more.\u00a0 Earlier we talked about Proverbs 7.\u00a0 That\u2019s a woman who realized how powerful she was sexually, and she used her looks -- I\u2019m talking about her appearance \u2013 but also the twinkle in her eye, the twisting of the beads, her speech.\u00a0 So it\u2019s more than just dress.\u00a0 It\u2019s her behavior, her attitude, what she projects.\u00a0 As we train young women today to know how to truly be Christ followers, moms and dads have got to be intentional about letting them know when their behavior is sending the wrong signal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because I don\u2019t think these young ladies always understand it.\u00a0 If they did, you\u2019d have to say \u201cWell, then why are you dressing that way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you list some questions in the book that I think are just helpful, practical questions in this area.\u00a0 Does what I\u2019m wearing fit with who I am as a child of God?\u00a0 Does it fit with Christ likeness?\u00a0 Does it fit and flatter my body?\u00a0 And you\u2019d say that\u2019s appropriate, for it to fit right and flatter your body, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Does it fit and flatter my femininity?\u00a0 Does it fit my age and my stage of life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait a second.\u00a0 I\u2019m still back at the one where you said you think it is appropriate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is appropriate for a woman to dress in a womanly fashion that is flattering her as a woman, but not to use her body in a way that is seductive, not to use it as \u2013 you know where you\u2019re hanging out the \u201cI\u2019m available\u201d type sign.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So it\u2019s okay to allow your femininity to \u2013 I hate to use the word \u201cbe on display.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 But to dress in a way that says \u201cI\u2019m a woman.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing wrong with that, is there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a very good thing.\u00a0 God wants his daughters to look like his daughters, and to be different than his sons.\u00a0 So dressing in a way that honors Christ is dressing in a feminine manner and in an attractive manner, but not in a sexually seductive manner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think somebody reads \u201cDoes it fit and flatter my body?\u201d and the first thing they think of is \u201cOh, that means \u2018Does it put my sexuality on display?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s not what you\u2019re talking about there, is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not at all, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Does this fit my age and stage of life?\u00a0 Does this fit my wardrobe?\u00a0 Does it fit my budget?\u00a0 Does it fit my needs?\u00a0 Does it fit the occasion?\u00a0 Does it fit the place I intend to wear it?\u00a0 I mean, just good practical questions to go, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m going to wear something today.\u00a0 I ought to think about that and think, \u2018Does this honor the Lord and does it fit what I\u2019m doing?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You also have an entire chapter dedicated to the other part we were just talking about earlier \u2013 body language or non-verbal behavior.\u00a0 You quote a couple of passages:\u00a0 Proverbs 6:25 \u2013 I\u2019ve already even talked about this.\u00a0 \u201cShe captures him with her eyelashes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, any girl could tell you, any woman could tell you that there\u2019s \u201cthe look,\u201d right?\u00a0 There\u2019s the \u201ccome get me\u201d look that girls grow into.\u00a0 It\u2019s really interesting.\u00a0 Brent and I were watching \u2013 or my daughter-in-law and I were watching just a little bit of a television show that just happened to be on as we were waiting for him to plug in a move, and it was one of those shows where they had these very young beauty pageants, you know, five years old.\u00a0 The mom was teaching the daughter how to walk seductively and how to give that seductive look.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what was really interesting was when my husband Brent walked into the room and he caught a glimpse of this, and he was angry.\u00a0 It was like this righteous anger came up in him, and he said, \u201cHow dare they do that to those little girls?\u00a0 Don\u2019t they know what message that is sending?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 And there are different passages in Scripture where body language of women is addressed.\u00a0 One of the reasons that the Lord was upset and brought judgment on the nation of Israel at one point in time was because the women were walking around with mincing steps and wiggling hips and they were all about the way that they looked and seduction.\u00a0 They were not honoring God with their womanhood; they were just all about getting the guy and putting themselves on display in a very sexual way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that was the wild thing of Proverbs chapter 7.\u00a0 She did that.\u00a0 She put herself on display, just the way she dressed, her body language, and she was also intent on capturing a guy, just with her behavior.\u00a0 It says that she was wily, and so she was manipulative, she was intent on being the one who made the relationship work her way and to get the guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love that word, \u201cwily,\u201d because it reminds me of Wily Coyote, who always came up with a new scheme to get the bird.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Uh huh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it\u2019s the same way that girls today always come up with a new scheme to get the guys.\u00a0 And girls\u2019 magazines nowadays, women\u2019s magazines, actually give women instruction on how to have the right body language, how to send those messages, how to kind of give those \u201ccome get me\u201d signals, how to talk, step-by-step instruction on how to be wild, really, is what the instructions are for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so, if you had a daughter, and again, you had three sons, but if you were coaching a mom right now who has a daughter who perhaps she\u2019s just a little too charming in the wrong sense of the word, you know?\u00a0 Her charm is, as it speaks of in the Scriptures, deadly.\u00a0 What would you coach that mom to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I would actually challenge the mom and the dad, because I think that having a dad speak into your life is really important and really effective.\u00a0 Tell that girl what kinds of messages are being sent with her behavior, and with her dress.\u00a0 I think that sometimes girls are just na\u00efve to it, and unaware of it.\u00a0 Perhaps they just follow the lead of culture and they really don\u2019t know how it affects the guys, so they need to hear that.\u00a0 They need to hear how their behavior, how the way they dress, their body language, the way that they position themselves and move really does affect men, and why it is problematic for them to be presenting themselves in that fashion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I want to turn it in the other direction, though.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say we\u2019re talking right now to a 23-year-old single woman and she\u2019s going, \u201cOkay, I don\u2019t want to give off that \u2018come get me\u2019 look, but I would like to know how to give off the \u2018I\u2019d like to talk to you and get to know you\u2019 look.\u201d\u00a0 So what\u2019s the difference between \u2018come get me\u2019 and \u2018I might be interested?\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, most girls know the difference in terms of their body language, when they\u2019re just smiling to be friendly and when it\u2019s the toss-the-hair-over-the-shoulder, seductive, capturing-him-with-the-eyelashes, come-get-me look.\u00a0 So one is entirely appropriate and the other crosses the line into wild behavior that God would not have for his daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so, Mary, would you coach a 23-year-old young lady to flirt?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think that I would ever coach a 23-year-old lady how to flirt.\u00a0 I think that I would give her instruction on how to be friendly, how to engage in a good conversation, how to just be approachable, and how to develop her personality and her communication skills.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you have a distinction between being friendly and flirting.\u00a0 What is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the distinction is when you are flirting you are sending messages, you are hinting at impropriety.\u00a0 You are hinting that you want to have the kind of attention that isn\u2019t appropriate for you to have at that point in your relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo a 23-year-old woman who is single, I would not encourage her to flirt.\u00a0 But now I\u2019m going to say something pretty radical \u2013 or maybe not:\u00a0 If that 23-year-old woman was married, I would tell her, \u201cYou ought to learn how to flirt with your husband.\u00a0 You ought to send those messages where you are inviting sexual contact.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason flirting is inappropriate is because you are hinting at, or inviting, or sending the message that you are wanting the kind of connection that is inappropriate for a single person to have, whereas it\u2019s appropriate when you\u2019re married because you have made a covenant commitment.\u00a0 That kind of sexual invitation towards your husband is quite appropriate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to thank you for saying that so Bob and I didn\u2019t have to say that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was a great piece of advice.\u00a0 There are a lot of men who turned the radio up a little bit.\u00a0 In fact they\u2019re going to call their wives and say, \u201cYou need to go online . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary Kassian says that if you\u2019re married you need to learn how to flirt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. No, no, no.\u00a0 If they\u2019re a wise man, they will not quote you.\u00a0 No, they will not.\u00a0 They\u2019ll send them to the broadcast at FamilyLifeToday.com, and listen to the broadcast \u201call the way to the end, sweetheart.\u00a0 All the way . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cYou need to hear the whole show.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThe whole show.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And if they want, they can go online and make a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and we\u2019ll send them the CDs.\u00a0 How\u2019s that?\u00a0 And you can give the CDs to your wife.\u00a0 Say, \u201cHere, I got these from FamilyLife and thought they would be good for both of us to listen to.\u201d\u00a0 Because along with the CD of not just this program but our entire conversation this week with Mary, we\u2019re also including a CD that has a conversation with Carolyn McCulley on her book, <em>Radical Womanhood.<\/em>\u00a0 So it\u2019s a great opportunity for you to give a gift to your wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake a donation to FamilyLife and we\u2019ll send you the CDs and you can pass them along to your wife.\u00a0 Or ladies, you can order them for yourselves.\u00a0 Again, that\u2019s if you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this week.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com and, if you want the CDs, type the word \u201dWISE\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form, or call 1-800-FLTODAY and just ask for the CDs of the program that you are listening to, and we\u2019ll get that sent out to you as well.\u00a0 Thanks for helping to support the ministry.\u00a0 We are listener supported and depend on those donations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also encourage you to get a copy of the book that Mary has written called <em>Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild.<\/em>\u00a0 You can request that when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY and order it by phone.\u00a0 Again, the book is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call toll-free 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow we\u2019re going to continue talking about what wise womanhood looks like on tomorrow\u2019s program.\u00a0 Mary Kassian is going to be back with us; hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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you considered how your clothing and actions affects those around you?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ladies, are you ever guilty of scheming?\u00a0 Mary Kassian says there is a difference being wily and being wise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary Kassian:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I love that word \u201cwily\u201d because it reminds me of Wily Coyote, you know, who always came up with a new scheme to get the bird.\u00a0 It\u2019s the same way that girls today always come up with a new scheme to get the guys.\u00a0 And girls\u2019 magazines nowadays, women\u2019s magazines, actually give women instruction on how to kind of give those \u201ccome get me\u201d signals, step-by-step instructions on how to be wild, really, is what the instructions are for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> for Tuesday, February 22<sup>nd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve ever thought that getting a relationship to go in the direction you want it to go may require a little scheming, then stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know why I liked this book right from the start, don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Of course.\u00a0 The song that Mary Kassian quotes at the beginning, and I knew as soon as I saw it.\u00a0 I thought , \u201cWe\u2019re probably going to begin the broadcast with Bob pulling out the guitar.\u00a0 You pick up a book and go all the way back to . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 1966.\u00a0 The Troggs.\u00a0 Wild thing.\u00a0 You make my heart sing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I told you you\u2019d do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you see the Troggs side by side with Ephesians chapter 5, I\u2019m going, \u201cThis is a book for me, right here, if you got that working.\u201d\u00a0 I love it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was actually thinking of the picture of the Troggs standing there.\u00a0 I was thinking, \u201cThey\u2019re singing about a wild thing, when they looked pretty weird.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They did.\u00a0 Ephesians 5, though, says \u201cLook carefully how you walk, not as unwise, or wild, but as wise.\u201d\u00a0 So it kind of fits the context here, doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\u00a0 And we have the author of the book <em>Girls Gone Wise<\/em>, Mary Kassian, joining us again on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Mary, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\u00a0 Good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary is from Canada.\u00a0 She is a long-time friend.\u00a0 She\u2019s been married since 1982, has three sons, speaks all over Canada and the United States, and really around the world, and has taught at seminary \u2013 actually a number of seminaries across North America.\u00a0 This book, as I was reading it, Mary, I was thinking there are a lot of topics that need to be addressed today, but this one is a must.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was at a mall the other day, and I was not prepared \u2013 I\u2019m sorry, I know I\u2019m getting older.\u00a0 My kids are now adults and I was not prepared for the lack of clothing by not one or two, but just a whole number of young ladies at the mall.\u00a0 When I got back with Barbara I said, \u201cIf they weren\u2019t prostitutes, I don\u2019t know what they were.\u201d\u00a0 They might as well have had a sign hung around their neck saying \u201cI\u2019m for sale.\u00a0 Buy me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s one of the marks of a wild woman.\u00a0 In Proverbs chapter 7 there are several characteristics of wildness that we see in women.\u00a0 And that\u2019s one of them, that she dresses like a prostitute.\u00a0 She\u2019s not a prostitute, she is not that, and yet she dresses herself to advertise that really she wants to attract men with her body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And she doesn\u2019t end up there by happenstance.\u00a0 She actually ends up there on purpose.\u00a0 You quote in the book Proverbs 5, talking about how a young lady like this, or a woman like this who is older, is actually being intentional about what they\u2019re doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think that they are not being intentional about walking in the way of God, which is what Proverbs 5 says.\u00a0 It says that \u201cHer ways wander.\u00a0 She does not ponder the path of life.\u201d\u00a0 So she\u2019s not thinking about the ways of God.\u00a0 Her ways wander and she does not know it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I think there is a need to be intentional nowadays, and particularly nowadays for young women to be intentional about figuring out how they ought to live as a Christian woman, and how God would have them conduct themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you know, you talk about being at the mall and seeing how these women were dressed.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had conversations with young women, and we\u2019ve talked about dress, and they\u2019ll look at me and go, \u201cOh, come on.\u00a0 You think what I\u2019m wearing might be immodest?\u00a0 Have you been on the streets lately?\u201d\u00a0 They\u2019ll say it\u2019s just your old-fashioned . . . .\u00a0 This is just a different age.\u00a0 It\u2019s a different . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m a fuddy-duddy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 They\u2019ll say, \u201cThis is no big deal.\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019m not being provocative at all dressing this way, compared to the women who are all around me in the . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you can always find somebody to compare yourself with to feel good about yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know.\u00a0 I had a daughter who went to college in New York, and we\u2019d have these conversations.\u00a0 She said, \u201cDad, go walk down the street with your eyes open in New York and then come back and tell me whether I\u2019m dressing provocatively or not.\u201d\u00a0 And so, there\u2019s this whole issue of cultural standard, and women going, \u201cI\u2019m not being provocative if I\u2019m dressing this way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think that there is an issue of cultural standard, and you certainly do need to be aware of that.\u00a0 However, I do think that there is this wildness, and where you cross the line is when you dress in a way that you use your body, you expose the private parts of yourself in order to attract attention and in order to try and snag a guy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that\u2019s the thing with the wild thing of Proverbs chapter 7, where she was intentional.\u00a0 She wasn\u2019t intentional about walking in the ways of the Lord; she was intentional about using what she had to try and get a guy, and to try and get a guy to give her the kind of attention that she wanted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s be honest.\u00a0 When we dress, I mean, even on a given day, we dress with the desire to make some kind of a statement.\u00a0 I mean, you were coming down here to be on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 You packed your suitcase, and you thought before you came, \u201cWhat should I wear so that I will give the right appearance,\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Appearance is an important question for a woman to consider, and I think that more important than just, \u201cOh, how do I put myself together?\u00a0 How do I look beautiful but stay away from appearing seductive,\u201d I think that it\u2019s very important for a woman to understand the purpose of clothing and why we wear clothes in the first place.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScripture teaches us that we wear clothing, we cover our nakedness, to bear witness and testimony to the way that Jesus Christ covers our shame and covers our need for a Savior; that he covers us.\u00a0 He covers our sin, and that\u2019s why we are covered with clothes.\u00a0 It goes back to the story of Genesis.\u00a0 So talking about that \u2013 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then you do deal with real practical questions of what does that mean when I\u2019m standing in a dressing room and trying on that skirt, and if that skirt is too short or too tight.\u00a0 And it is very important.\u00a0 You know what, I\u2019m glad that you had those conversations with your daughter, because I think it\u2019s really important that fathers are looking at their daughters and saying, \u201cListen, sweetheart. You\u2019re not walking out the door like that because \u2013 because --\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re not because I\u2019m your dad and I know . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Been there.\u00a0 Done that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Been there. Done that.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 But here\u2019s the deal, and Barbara and I felt the tension back in the 90s when we were raising teenage young ladies.\u00a0 Today it\u2019s even worse.\u00a0 The pressure on these young ladies who are not fully adult, so they\u2019re not totally mature.\u00a0 Their hearts from a full awareness of who Jesus Christ is and what he expects of them \u2013 they\u2019re in process, these young ladies.\u00a0 Our daughters were, at the time.\u00a0 But they\u2019re going to school and they\u2019re feeling odd, they\u2019re feeling weird.\u00a0 And the clothing today is getting tighter and less of it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI turned to Barbara the other day in another conversation; I said, \u201cI didn\u2019t think they could figure out new ways to accentuate a woman\u2019s body,\u201d but the fashion industry is clever.\u00a0 They\u2019re incredible.\u00a0 They\u2019re enticing young ladies to buy this clothing.\u00a0 How does a mom or a dad have a conversation with their daughter around this issue so that the dress truly reflects where their hearts ought to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think you need to start young.\u00a0 I think the key is to start at a very young age teaching her that she needs to dress in a way that is appropriate, that is feminine, and yet that is in a way that sends the right message.\u00a0 You know, this whole issue of being wild and of wildness and of women dressing and being very sexual \u2013 it really ties into the matter of the feminist movement.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWay back to the 1960s, we were taught in culture that women needed to grab power and to be powerful and to claim the right for themselves to define what their lives were all about.\u00a0 At that time, there was a real rebellion against feminine dress or even sexual dress.\u00a0 There was a big rebellion against the Miss America Pageant, saying \u201cOh, well that sexualizes women and that puts women as sex objects.\u00a0 Men are doing that, and so we\u2019re going to rebel against that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that whole thought of claiming power and that it\u2019s good for women to have power kind of lingered on, and in this new generation goes, \u201cWell, sex is power.\u00a0 My sexuality is powerful, and therefore I\u2019m going to use my body as a powerful weapon to be alluring to guys and to exert power over them that way.\u201d\u00a0 And so there\u2019s been this real interesting twist of girls going wild and seeing it as a form of power and a form of their personal empowerment and liberation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So is a girl who has gone wild, is that somebody who is sexually aggressive, or can you be a wild girl without being sexually aggressive?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that there\u2019s wildness in each one of us.\u00a0 When you think of wildness, really it goes back to the Garden of Eden, the first girl gone wild, which was Eve.\u00a0 Really to me, wildness is just a woman who relies on her own instincts and her own wisdom for knowing how to live, rather than relying on who God says she is, and relying on how God says she ought to live.\u00a0 So wildness is really when we turn away from our Creator and we just rely on ourselves.\u00a0 That is really the mark of many women today, and many women in the church too.\u00a0 Wisdom is when we turn back to the Lord and figure out how he says we ought to live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things you say is that you can tell a lot about a woman in terms of how she relates to the man in her life.\u00a0 I\u2019m assuming you\u2019re saying that of a woman who is married as well as the single women, how they relate to men.\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I believe that the Lord has created us women and created us with a womanly disposition.\u00a0 If you observe relationships,\u00a0 if you observe the way that a woman treats the men in her life, if she\u2019s respectful, if she honors them and respects them, if she interacts with them in a womanly way, in a way that really is responsive and in a way that is not the loud, defiant, controlling, manipulative type way, you\u2019ll know that she\u2019s equipped with a lot of skills that will really help her in a marriage relationship and will really help her to make a marriage work.\u00a0 So you can tell a lot by a woman in just the way that she interacts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that with my daughter-in-law, Jacqueline, I could tell a lot about her when I watched the way that she interacted with her dad and with her brother, and then the way she interacted just with her male friends, and then the way she interacted with my son.\u00a0 You could tell a lot about her character and about whether or not she had committed herself to following God\u2019s way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I couldn\u2019t agree more.\u00a0 Earlier we talked about Proverbs 7.\u00a0 That\u2019s a woman who realized how powerful she was sexually, and she used her looks -- I\u2019m talking about her appearance \u2013 but also the twinkle in her eye, the twisting of the beads, her speech.\u00a0 So it\u2019s more than just dress.\u00a0 It\u2019s her behavior, her attitude, what she projects.\u00a0 As we train young women today to know how to truly be Christ followers, moms and dads have got to be intentional about letting them know when their behavior is sending the wrong signal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because I don\u2019t think these young ladies always understand it.\u00a0 If they did, you\u2019d have to say \u201cWell, then why are you dressing that way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you list some questions in the book that I think are just helpful, practical questions in this area.\u00a0 Does what I\u2019m wearing fit with who I am as a child of God?\u00a0 Does it fit with Christ likeness?\u00a0 Does it fit and flatter my body?\u00a0 And you\u2019d say that\u2019s appropriate, for it to fit right and flatter your body, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Does it fit and flatter my femininity?\u00a0 Does it fit my age and my stage of life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait a second.\u00a0 I\u2019m still back at the one where you said you think it is appropriate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is appropriate for a woman to dress in a womanly fashion that is flattering her as a woman, but not to use her body in a way that is seductive, not to use it as \u2013 you know where you\u2019re hanging out the \u201cI\u2019m available\u201d type sign.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So it\u2019s okay to allow your femininity to \u2013 I hate to use the word \u201cbe on display.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 But to dress in a way that says \u201cI\u2019m a woman.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing wrong with that, is there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a very good thing.\u00a0 God wants his daughters to look like his daughters, and to be different than his sons.\u00a0 So dressing in a way that honors Christ is dressing in a feminine manner and in an attractive manner, but not in a sexually seductive manner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think somebody reads \u201cDoes it fit and flatter my body?\u201d and the first thing they think of is \u201cOh, that means \u2018Does it put my sexuality on display?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s not what you\u2019re talking about there, is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not at all, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Does this fit my age and stage of life?\u00a0 Does this fit my wardrobe?\u00a0 Does it fit my budget?\u00a0 Does it fit my needs?\u00a0 Does it fit the occasion?\u00a0 Does it fit the place I intend to wear it?\u00a0 I mean, just good practical questions to go, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m going to wear something today.\u00a0 I ought to think about that and think, \u2018Does this honor the Lord and does it fit what I\u2019m doing?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You also have an entire chapter dedicated to the other part we were just talking about earlier \u2013 body language or non-verbal behavior.\u00a0 You quote a couple of passages:\u00a0 Proverbs 6:25 \u2013 I\u2019ve already even talked about this.\u00a0 \u201cShe captures him with her eyelashes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, any girl could tell you, any woman could tell you that there\u2019s \u201cthe look,\u201d right?\u00a0 There\u2019s the \u201ccome get me\u201d look that girls grow into.\u00a0 It\u2019s really interesting.\u00a0 Brent and I were watching \u2013 or my daughter-in-law and I were watching just a little bit of a television show that just happened to be on as we were waiting for him to plug in a move, and it was one of those shows where they had these very young beauty pageants, you know, five years old.\u00a0 The mom was teaching the daughter how to walk seductively and how to give that seductive look.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what was really interesting was when my husband Brent walked into the room and he caught a glimpse of this, and he was angry.\u00a0 It was like this righteous anger came up in him, and he said, \u201cHow dare they do that to those little girls?\u00a0 Don\u2019t they know what message that is sending?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 And there are different passages in Scripture where body language of women is addressed.\u00a0 One of the reasons that the Lord was upset and brought judgment on the nation of Israel at one point in time was because the women were walking around with mincing steps and wiggling hips and they were all about the way that they looked and seduction.\u00a0 They were not honoring God with their womanhood; they were just all about getting the guy and putting themselves on display in a very sexual way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that was the wild thing of Proverbs chapter 7.\u00a0 She did that.\u00a0 She put herself on display, just the way she dressed, her body language, and she was also intent on capturing a guy, just with her behavior.\u00a0 It says that she was wily, and so she was manipulative, she was intent on being the one who made the relationship work her way and to get the guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love that word, \u201cwily,\u201d because it reminds me of Wily Coyote, who always came up with a new scheme to get the bird.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Uh huh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it\u2019s the same way that girls today always come up with a new scheme to get the guys.\u00a0 And girls\u2019 magazines nowadays, women\u2019s magazines, actually give women instruction on how to have the right body language, how to send those messages, how to kind of give those \u201ccome get me\u201d signals, how to talk, step-by-step instruction on how to be wild, really, is what the instructions are for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so, if you had a daughter, and again, you had three sons, but if you were coaching a mom right now who has a daughter who perhaps she\u2019s just a little too charming in the wrong sense of the word, you know?\u00a0 Her charm is, as it speaks of in the Scriptures, deadly.\u00a0 What would you coach that mom to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I would actually challenge the mom and the dad, because I think that having a dad speak into your life is really important and really effective.\u00a0 Tell that girl what kinds of messages are being sent with her behavior, and with her dress.\u00a0 I think that sometimes girls are just na\u00efve to it, and unaware of it.\u00a0 Perhaps they just follow the lead of culture and they really don\u2019t know how it affects the guys, so they need to hear that.\u00a0 They need to hear how their behavior, how the way they dress, their body language, the way that they position themselves and move really does affect men, and why it is problematic for them to be presenting themselves in that fashion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I want to turn it in the other direction, though.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say we\u2019re talking right now to a 23-year-old single woman and she\u2019s going, \u201cOkay, I don\u2019t want to give off that \u2018come get me\u2019 look, but I would like to know how to give off the \u2018I\u2019d like to talk to you and get to know you\u2019 look.\u201d\u00a0 So what\u2019s the difference between \u2018come get me\u2019 and \u2018I might be interested?\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, most girls know the difference in terms of their body language, when they\u2019re just smiling to be friendly and when it\u2019s the toss-the-hair-over-the-shoulder, seductive, capturing-him-with-the-eyelashes, come-get-me look.\u00a0 So one is entirely appropriate and the other crosses the line into wild behavior that God would not have for his daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so, Mary, would you coach a 23-year-old young lady to flirt?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t think that I would ever coach a 23-year-old lady how to flirt.\u00a0 I think that I would give her instruction on how to be friendly, how to engage in a good conversation, how to just be approachable, and how to develop her personality and her communication skills.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you have a distinction between being friendly and flirting.\u00a0 What is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, the distinction is when you are flirting you are sending messages, you are hinting at impropriety.\u00a0 You are hinting that you want to have the kind of attention that isn\u2019t appropriate for you to have at that point in your relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo a 23-year-old woman who is single, I would not encourage her to flirt.\u00a0 But now I\u2019m going to say something pretty radical \u2013 or maybe not:\u00a0 If that 23-year-old woman was married, I would tell her, \u201cYou ought to learn how to flirt with your husband.\u00a0 You ought to send those messages where you are inviting sexual contact.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason flirting is inappropriate is because you are hinting at, or inviting, or sending the message that you are wanting the kind of connection that is inappropriate for a single person to have, whereas it\u2019s appropriate when you\u2019re married because you have made a covenant commitment.\u00a0 That kind of sexual invitation towards your husband is quite appropriate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to thank you for saying that so Bob and I didn\u2019t have to say that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was a great piece of advice.\u00a0 There are a lot of men who turned the radio up a little bit.\u00a0 In fact they\u2019re going to call their wives and say, \u201cYou need to go online . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary Kassian says that if you\u2019re married you need to learn how to flirt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No. No, no, no.\u00a0 If they\u2019re a wise man, they will not quote you.\u00a0 No, they will not.\u00a0 They\u2019ll send them to the broadcast at FamilyLifeToday.com, and listen to the broadcast \u201call the way to the end, sweetheart.\u00a0 All the way . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cYou need to hear the whole show.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThe whole show.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And if they want, they can go online and make a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and we\u2019ll send them the CDs.\u00a0 How\u2019s that?\u00a0 And you can give the CDs to your wife.\u00a0 Say, \u201cHere, I got these from FamilyLife and thought they would be good for both of us to listen to.\u201d\u00a0 Because along with the CD of not just this program but our entire conversation this week with Mary, we\u2019re also including a CD that has a conversation with Carolyn McCulley on her book, <em>Radical Womanhood.<\/em>\u00a0 So it\u2019s a great opportunity for you to give a gift to your wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake a donation to FamilyLife and we\u2019ll send you the CDs and you can pass them along to your wife.\u00a0 Or ladies, you can order them for yourselves.\u00a0 Again, that\u2019s if you make a donation to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this week.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com and, if you want the CDs, type the word \u201dWISE\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form, or call 1-800-FLTODAY and just ask for the CDs of the program that you are listening to, and we\u2019ll get that sent out to you as well.\u00a0 Thanks for helping to support the ministry.\u00a0 We are listener supported and depend on those donations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also encourage you to get a copy of the book that Mary has written called <em>Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild.<\/em>\u00a0 You can request that when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY and order it by phone.\u00a0 Again, the book is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call toll-free 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow we\u2019re going to continue talking about what wise womanhood looks like on tomorrow\u2019s program.\u00a0 Mary Kassian is going to be back with us; hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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