{"id":302221,"date":"2011-02-21T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-02-21T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/aggressive-girls\/"},"modified":"2011-02-21T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-02-21T17:00:00","slug":"aggressive-girls","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/aggressive-girls\/","title":{"rendered":"Aggressive Girls"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why should courtship and dating be left up to the guys?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-21.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.35M","filesize_raw":"24481049","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2093],"tags":[4018,4798,2320],"podcast_series":[7790],"cwp_profile":[3160],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302221","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-women","tag-dating","tag-kids","tag-purity","podcast_series-girls-gone-wise","cwp_profile-mary-kassian","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302221\/aggressive-girls","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302221\/aggressive-girls","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"b1gKD9j4X4\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/aggressive-girls\/\">Aggressive Girls<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/aggressive-girls\/embed\/#?secret=b1gKD9j4X4\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Aggressive Girls&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"b1gKD9j4X4\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Mary Kassian is the mother of three sons.\u00a0 She\u2019s trying to raise them to follow Christ in a \u201cGirls Gone Wild\u201d culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was a young women and she was very seductively dressed and she kind of gave my young son that \u201cHey, I\u2019m interested, you come get me\u201d look as we walked\u00a0 past, which I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYou know, what kind of girl does that when a guy\u2019s walking with his mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 With his mom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 But anyway, I picked up on it, that I noticed it, and I said to my son, I said \u201cSo what do you think when you see a girl come on to you like that?\u201d\u00a0 And he thought for a moment and he said, \u201cYou know, Mom, it arouses the male in me but it does not attract that man in me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 21st.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, ladies, if you want to pursue godly womanhood, Mary Kassian says it\u2019s time to get your Bibles and wise up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know people who will use the word \u201cschool\u201d as a verb, right?\u00a0 Like \u201cBoy, I got schooled today out on the playground.\u201d\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, right\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That just means somebody shows you something that you thought you knew and you didn\u2019t know it as well as you thought you knew, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think we\u2019re going to get schooled?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we\u2019ve got some listeners who are going to get schooled today on the playground by Mary Kassian.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But not with a southern accent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our guest is from the north country, Canada.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 How\u2019s is going, hey?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hey!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 How\u2019s it going!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome back, Mary.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a number of years.\u00a0 When we had you on the broadcast before I turned to Bob and I said, \u201cShe is really good.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s the basis of Bob saying you\u2019re going to school a few of our listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn case our listeners don\u2019t know Mary, however, she is an author, a speaker.\u00a0 She\u2019s taught at a number of seminaries around the United States, been married since 1982 to her husband Brent and has three sons.\u00a0 Despite having three sons, she is all over the women\u2019s issue.\u00a0 You\u2019re looking out for the young lady who is going to get one of your sons, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know, one of them\u2019s been gotten so I have a daughter-in law, too.\u00a0 But I have two more sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, send pictures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Send pictures.\u00a0 My sons would say, \u201cYou know, that\u2019s a good thing to ask for!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You want a resume along with the picture!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 A resume.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You want to know if these girls have been schooled properly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do, I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well you\u2019ve written a book called <em>Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild<\/em>.\u00a0 As I was thinking about it, I was thinking what you\u2019ve really written about is Romans 12:1-2 where it challenges us to \u201cnot be conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of our mind through the scriptures\u201d so that our lives truly will be wise lives.\u00a0 But you\u2019re taking a look at young ladies today and you\u2019re saying there\u2019s a lot of pressure on them to conform and go wild.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is. We do live in a \u201cgirls gone wild\u201d culture.\u00a0 Girls Gone Wild is a phenomenon the last few years with the videographer going out onto the beaches during spring break and young girls exposing themselves for a T-shirt or a dare.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it really is way beyond that.\u00a0 That terminology has actually become the mark of a culture, that we live in a \u201cgirls gone wild\u201d culture where girls are forward and aggressive and brash and very sexual and willing to do all sorts of wild things.\u00a0 They think that is going to bring them the happiness that they so desperately desire.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur young women today are trained to be that way.\u00a0 We are bringing our girls up with a Hollywood model that wildness is a desirable thing to pursue, that women ought to be wild, that that\u2019s a good thing.\u00a0 And that really goes against what the Bible says.\u00a0 The Bible says that wisdom will bring us joy, not wildness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So is assertiveness and aggressiveness a part of being wild?\u00a0 Is that a good thing?\u00a0 Is that a bad thing?\u00a0 Help me understand what wild means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, with girls gone wild, in the book I actually take a look at a story of seduction out of the book of Proverbs, Proverbs 7.\u00a0 In that story it\u2019s a story of a girl gone wild, but there are all sorts of characteristics in this girl\u2019s live, in Proverbs, chapter seven, that are marks of wildness.\u00a0 The aggressive, the hyper-aggressiveness, is one of those marks.\u00a0 It\u2019s a characteristic of wildness.\u00a0 Actually Proverbs 7 describes her as she\u2019s loud and she\u2019s wayward.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo there\u2019s just this aggressiveness and loudness and clamorousness that goes along with being wild that\u2019s in marked contrast to what the Bible says is who God created women to be.\u00a0 In the New Testament we see that the Lord tells women that he wants them to have a demeanor that really is soft and is receptive and responsive and just is a gentle demeanor and not sort of this loud, brash forwardness that women today are encouraged to have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, Mary, a number of years ago I wrote a book called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>.\u00a0 I got a response I was not counting on.\u00a0 A number of listeners sent e-mails, called, wrote, and said, \u201cThis is fine, Dennis, to go interview the young man who takes out your daughter but what about these young ladies who are aggressively pursuing and preying upon our sons?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou undoubtedly have observed this as you\u2019ve raised three sons through adolescence.\u00a0 How did you see it manifesting itself as your sons went through those teenage years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really was a shock to me to see just the difference today in how young women relate to young men as opposed to twenty, thirty, forty years ago.\u00a0 There has been a substantial change.\u00a0 There is this sense of aggressiveness and I saw it for young girls that were pursuing my sons.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a girl who was, even before cell phones, phoning, phoning, phoning, and she wanted to get his attention and didn\u2019t like it that I didn\u2019t call him to the phone each time and took a message instead of calling my son to the phone at her request.\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 He\u2019ll get back to you when he chooses to get back to you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you did because we screened some of those calls, except it wasn\u2019t one girl, it was a dozen, who all of a sudden woke up one morning and saw one of our sons and said, \u201cLet\u2019s go after him!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHe looks good to me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 He looks good.\u00a0 He looks like a good piece of meat to me!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know there are a lot of parent who go \u201cI don\u2019t know if we should be doing that\u201d but I think we should.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It think we should.\u00a0 We actually ended up putting on a block when this young women didn\u2019t respond in a favorable way.\u00a0 But with the texting now it\u2019s crazy.\u00a0 My sons, where they are texted, sometimes dozens and dozens and dozens of times by young women and in every possible way trying to be aggressive in trying to get into a young man\u2019s life, Facebooking, texting.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are young girls nowadays who see nothing wrong and they\u2019ve been taught to believe that there\u2019s nothing wrong in the girls asking the guys out for dates and the girls initiating the relationship and the girls taking the lead in the relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see this happening in these relationships.\u00a0 I see this tendency in the young girls nowadays and the trouble is that I also see them five, ten years down the road when they\u2019re sitting there crying because they\u2019ve gotten married to these guys and \u201cOh, my husband is passive.\u00a0 He won\u2019t take any leadership.\u00a0 He just sits on the couch.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t take initiative in our family and in our home.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI kind of look at them and go \u201cWhat did you expect?\u00a0 You\u2019re the one who pursued him.\u00a0 You\u2019re the one who set the rules for the relationship.\u00a0 You\u2019re the one who initiated and pursued and you really made him into what you wanted him to be and now you\u2019re not content with him being passive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But Mary, you know what the young girls would say right back to you.\u00a0 \u201cIf I don\u2019t do what you\u2019re telling me not to do it\u2019s going to be a pretty lonely life for me because the girls who do that get the guys and the girls who don\u2019t stay home on Friday night and cry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 (Laughs)\u00a0 Well, I would say to that young girl who gives me that answer, \u201cYou don\u2019t want the kind of guy that you have to go out and pursue.\u00a0 You want the kind of guy who is going to be a good father, a good husband and is going to take leadership in your relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo number one, that is not the kind of guy you want to have anyway, the kind of guy that\u2019s going to respond to you pursuing him.\u00a0 And number two, you have to have a bigger view of who\u2019s in control and ultimately the Lord is in control.\u00a0 If you trust that God is in control, and that He has a plan and a purpose for your life and He has a guy for you that is going to be worth waiting for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara\u2019s been working on a book to women really about this issue of being a wife.\u00a0 The other day we were driving back from a speaking engagement and she said \u201cWhat\u2019s my response supposed to be to strong women who are married to weak men?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I hear you saying here is that if women buy into the lies of the culture, they could find themselves wrapped up in a permanent relationship called marriage to a man they were able to control at a point in their lives.\u00a0 Now he is a man who is not willing to be able to love and lead and serve and initiate and be purposeful in leading the family.\u00a0 To me the tragedy of what\u2019s happening to young ladies today is this lie is being permeated and perpetrated upon them by the culture and they\u2019re swallowing the bait, hook, line, and sinker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are swallowing the bait.\u00a0 They find themselves in marriages and then they\u2019ve entered into this relationship following a certain set of rules for the relationship.\u00a0 She sets the pace, she controls, and then all of a sudden she realized that that\u2019s not working so well and it\u2019s not very fulfilling.\u00a0 To have to work at changing the way the relationship works then desiring to see her husband change and to take her hands off that control that\u2019s a very difficult path to walk.\u00a0 So if young girls right off the bat were instructed the right way and began to approach relationships is the right way, they\u2019d save themselves a lot of grief down the road.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, a girl who has gone wild, is that someone who is sexually aggressive or can you be a wild girl without being sexually aggressive?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that there is wildness in each one of us and when you think of wildness, really, it goes back to the garden of Eden, the first girl gone wild, which was Eve.\u00a0 Really, to me, wildness is just a woman who relies on her own instincts and her own wisdom for knowing how to life rather than relying on who God says she is and relying on how God says she ought to live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWildness is really when we turn away from our creator and we just rely on ourselves.\u00a0 That is really the mark of many women today, and many women in the church, too.\u00a0 Wisdom is when we turn back to the Lord and figure out how He says we ought to live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things you say is that you can tell a lot about a woman in terms of how she relates to the man in her life, and I\u2019m assuming you\u2019re saying that of a woman who is married as well as the single women, how they relate to men.\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well; I believe that the Lord has created us women and created us with a womanly disposition.\u00a0 If you observe relationships and if you observe the way that a\u00a0 woman treats the men in her life, if she\u2019s respectful, if she honors them and respects them, if she interacts with them in a womanly way that really is responsive and in a way that is not the loud, defiant, controlling manipulative type way, you\u2019ll know that she is equipped with a lot of skills that will really help her in a marriage relationship and will really help to make a marriage work.\u00a0 So you can tell a lot by a woman in just the way that she interacts.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that with my daughter-in-law Jacquelyn I could tell a lot about her when I watched the way that she interacted with her dad and with her brother and then the way that she interacted with just her male friends and then the way that she interacted with my son.\u00a0 You could tell a lot about her character and about whether or not she had committed herself to following God\u2019s way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary, I\u2019m going to ask you a personal question here.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got two sons who aren\u2019t married.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say you begin to watch one of them date and get serious with a young lady who her behavior betrays where her heart is.\u00a0 It screams that she is a woman gone wild.\u00a0 What would you do in that situation, because you\u2019ve got adult sons now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do and that\u2019s not a theoretical question.\u00a0 That\u2019s a practical question.\u00a0 That\u2019s something that happened in my family.\u00a0 That happened with one of my sons where he was involved in a relationship with a girl who said that her heart was inclined towards Christ but really wasn\u2019t and where she really in control of the situation.\u00a0 She was texting him 24\/7.\u00a0 She was the one pursuing him.\u00a0 She was the one who was really pushing the relationship and wearing the pants, so to speak.\u00a0 My son wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe dealt with it.\u00a0 My husband and I dealt with it at the level of challenging our son to be the man that he needed to be and to make the decisions that he needed to make and pointing out things of concern in the relationship, but trying to do that in a way that\u2019s also full of grace because there\u2019s room for everybody to grow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look at my own life and I know that I have come a long way from when I was eighteen and nineteen and twenty and learning these lessons.\u00a0 So there are behavioral things where girls can grow.\u00a0 But the main thing is does this woman have a heart that\u2019s inclined to follow the Lord Jesus Christ?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you son didn\u2019t just go to her and say, \u201cHey, my mom wrote this book.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to read it?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not how that worked?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, he\u2019s been doing that a lot lately!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 I was having a conversation not long ago with my son and he had been watching a show on TV with a group of friends.\u00a0 In this show there are a couple of teenage characters and the young man wants to take the young woman to a music festival, out of town.\u00a0 The girl\u2019s parents say no and she decides \u201cI\u2019m not going to listen to my parents.\u201d\u00a0 So they\u2019re headed off to the music festival and that\u2019s when the young man finds out that she\u2019s going against her parents\u2019 will.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know that Mom and Dad had said no.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy son said, \u201cI started screaming at the TV and going \u2018Take her back home.\u00a0 If she\u2019s not going to honor her father, she\u2019ll never honor you!\u2019\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m saying, \u201cYou go, son!\u00a0 You go!\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cEverybody in the room kind of looked at me like \u2018what are you talking about?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 But he said he could see it very clearly and it\u2019s to your point.\u00a0 How a woman responds to the men in her life before marriage really sets a pattern for what that interaction is going to be like in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does set a pattern.\u00a0 That\u2019s why it\u2019s important that young women in relationships with young men, even friendships even, relate to them in a way that honors God\u2019s pattern and God\u2019s plan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But again I come back and you know I\u2019m just thinking like the young women who are listening and going \u201cOkay I hear all of this.\u00a0 Theoretically it sounds fine and practically it means I\u2019m a lonely girl for a long time. \u201c\u00a0 You know.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got women coming up and saying that to you.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m trying to do this, Mary, and the boys aren\u2019t pursuing and the guys are ignoring me and I\u2019m a lonely person.\u00a0 And that\u2019s sad.\u00a0 So do I just stay after it and hope and pray?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well that\u2019s a good question and there are a lot of young women asking that question.\u00a0 \u201cSo how do I get their attention?\u201d Or \u201chow do I engage with them?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that my sons would tell you that if you are friendly and open and if you put yourselves in situations, in group situations, and you engage in a friendly way, that women who are actually seeking to pursue God\u2019s pattern are very, very attractive to young men.\u00a0 Young men who are godly men aren\u2019t interested in the women who dress seductively, who put themselves out in a very forward way, or sexually aggressive, or relationally aggressive.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce I was walking in the mall with my son, when he was about seventeen years old. We were walking and there was a young woman who passed by and she was very seductively dressed.\u00a0 She kind of gave my young son that \u201cHey, I\u2019m interested, you come get me\u201d look as we walked past which, you know, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat kind of girl does that when a guy\u2019s walking with his mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 With his mom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, anyway, I picked up on it.\u00a0 I noticed and I said to my son, I said, \u201cSo what do you think when you see a girl come on to you like that?\u201d\u00a0 He thought for a moment, he thought now how do I answer this question with my mom?\u201d\u00a0 But he thought for a moment and he said, \u201cDo you know, Mom?\u00a0 It arouses the male in me but it does not attract the man in me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a great statement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s an incredible statement.\u00a0 So in a sense it\u2019s easy to get a guy\u2019s attention, visually, sexually.\u00a0 But she\u2019s not getting the kind of attention she wants.\u00a0 If she wants to attract him as a man, as a potential suitor, as a potential husband and father, then she needs to be sending out very different signals.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, she does.\u00a0 In fact, if there are young ladies who are listening, and for that matter women, I think they have to ask themselves the question, \u201cDo they want to turn heads or do they want to turn hearts?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what your son was articulating.\u00a0 His heart, the real man in him, was looking for a woman who was made in the image of God following Jesus Christ.\u00a0 If you\u2019re raising a daughter you need to raise a daughter who knows the difference between a wise and a wild woman and know how to spot them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeginning in sixth grade, maybe beginning as early as fifth grade, junior high, I\u2019m telling you, the peer pressure is big time.\u00a0 And as a parent, if you\u2019ve not equipped your daughters to be able to know the difference, they\u2019re going to be tripped up and it\u2019s back to Romans 12:1- 2.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.\u201d\u00a0 That comes from the scripture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, one last group I want to speak to and that\u2019s the parents who are raising the sons who need to know the difference between a girl gone wild and a girl who\u2019s gone wise.\u00a0 He needs to listen to his parents very carefully.\u00a0 I know that\u2019s easy for us to sit here in this studio as Bob\u2019s almost an empty nester here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when you raise adult children you\u2019ve got to step back and you\u2019ve got to take those moments when you challenge them to really consider their actions and what they\u2019re doing in a relationship.\u00a0 You have to take it very seriously and you have to carefully weight your words in terms of saying something to them..\u00a0 But our sons need to be trained to know the difference between what is a Proverbs 31 woman and what is a Proverbs 7 woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The culture\u2019s not holding up a whole lot of models of the virtuous woman and saying \u201cOh, look.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t this great?\u00a0 Here\u2019s what you want to imitate\u201d but they are throwing at us a lot of images of the Proverbs 7 woman and saying this is what womanhood ought to look like.\u00a0 If we\u2019re going to train our sons and our daughters, we better have something that is counter-cultural and that is what I think Mary\u2019s book is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>It\u2019s called <em>Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild<\/em> and we\u2019ve got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com and request a copy of the book.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or call toll free at 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think this material is so critical that this week.\u00a0 If you want to get a copy of the CDs of our conversation with Mary Kassian packaged together with a CD from Carolyn McCulley in a conversation we had with her about her book, <em>Radical Womanhood<\/em>, we\u2019re making those CDs available to those who can help us with a donation of any amount this week.\u00a0 Go online and make a donation online at FamilyLifeoday.com and type the word \u201cWISE\u201d into the key code box.\u00a0 Or call 1-800FLTODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make a donation over the phone and just ask for the CDs on <em>Girls Gone Wise<\/em> and <em>Radical Womanhood<\/em> and we\u2019ll send those out to you.\u00a0 Again, that\u2019s our way of saying thank you for helping to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Your donations are what keep us on this station and our network of stations all across the country and we appreciate your financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So again if you\u2019re looking for the book go to FamilyLIfeToday.com and you can order a copy.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like us to send you the CDs of this message along with the radical Womanhood CDs, call us and make a donation or go online and make a donation and make sure you put the word \u201cWISE\u201d in the online key code box.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Mary Kassian on what wise womanhood looks like.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about the schemer, the wily woman who works her schemes and how that conflicts with a biblical model of womanhood.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider f to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.35M"],"filesize_raw":["24481049"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302221.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302221.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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should courtship and dating be left up to the guys?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Mary Kassian is the mother of three sons.\u00a0 She\u2019s trying to raise them to follow Christ in a \u201cGirls Gone Wild\u201d culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 There was a young women and she was very seductively dressed and she kind of gave my young son that \u201cHey, I\u2019m interested, you come get me\u201d look as we walked\u00a0 past, which I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYou know, what kind of girl does that when a guy\u2019s walking with his mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 With his mom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 But anyway, I picked up on it, that I noticed it, and I said to my son, I said \u201cSo what do you think when you see a girl come on to you like that?\u201d\u00a0 And he thought for a moment and he said, \u201cYou know, Mom, it arouses the male in me but it does not attract that man in me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 21st.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, ladies, if you want to pursue godly womanhood, Mary Kassian says it\u2019s time to get your Bibles and wise up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know people who will use the word \u201cschool\u201d as a verb, right?\u00a0 Like \u201cBoy, I got schooled today out on the playground.\u201d\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, right\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That just means somebody shows you something that you thought you knew and you didn\u2019t know it as well as you thought you knew, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think we\u2019re going to get schooled?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we\u2019ve got some listeners who are going to get schooled today on the playground by Mary Kassian.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But not with a southern accent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our guest is from the north country, Canada.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 How\u2019s is going, hey?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Hey!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 How\u2019s it going!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome back, Mary.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a number of years.\u00a0 When we had you on the broadcast before I turned to Bob and I said, \u201cShe is really good.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s the basis of Bob saying you\u2019re going to school a few of our listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn case our listeners don\u2019t know Mary, however, she is an author, a speaker.\u00a0 She\u2019s taught at a number of seminaries around the United States, been married since 1982 to her husband Brent and has three sons.\u00a0 Despite having three sons, she is all over the women\u2019s issue.\u00a0 You\u2019re looking out for the young lady who is going to get one of your sons, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know, one of them\u2019s been gotten so I have a daughter-in law, too.\u00a0 But I have two more sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, send pictures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Send pictures.\u00a0 My sons would say, \u201cYou know, that\u2019s a good thing to ask for!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You want a resume along with the picture!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 A resume.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You want to know if these girls have been schooled properly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do, I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well you\u2019ve written a book called <em>Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild<\/em>.\u00a0 As I was thinking about it, I was thinking what you\u2019ve really written about is Romans 12:1-2 where it challenges us to \u201cnot be conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of our mind through the scriptures\u201d so that our lives truly will be wise lives.\u00a0 But you\u2019re taking a look at young ladies today and you\u2019re saying there\u2019s a lot of pressure on them to conform and go wild.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is. We do live in a \u201cgirls gone wild\u201d culture.\u00a0 Girls Gone Wild is a phenomenon the last few years with the videographer going out onto the beaches during spring break and young girls exposing themselves for a T-shirt or a dare.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it really is way beyond that.\u00a0 That terminology has actually become the mark of a culture, that we live in a \u201cgirls gone wild\u201d culture where girls are forward and aggressive and brash and very sexual and willing to do all sorts of wild things.\u00a0 They think that is going to bring them the happiness that they so desperately desire.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur young women today are trained to be that way.\u00a0 We are bringing our girls up with a Hollywood model that wildness is a desirable thing to pursue, that women ought to be wild, that that\u2019s a good thing.\u00a0 And that really goes against what the Bible says.\u00a0 The Bible says that wisdom will bring us joy, not wildness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So is assertiveness and aggressiveness a part of being wild?\u00a0 Is that a good thing?\u00a0 Is that a bad thing?\u00a0 Help me understand what wild means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, with girls gone wild, in the book I actually take a look at a story of seduction out of the book of Proverbs, Proverbs 7.\u00a0 In that story it\u2019s a story of a girl gone wild, but there are all sorts of characteristics in this girl\u2019s live, in Proverbs, chapter seven, that are marks of wildness.\u00a0 The aggressive, the hyper-aggressiveness, is one of those marks.\u00a0 It\u2019s a characteristic of wildness.\u00a0 Actually Proverbs 7 describes her as she\u2019s loud and she\u2019s wayward.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo there\u2019s just this aggressiveness and loudness and clamorousness that goes along with being wild that\u2019s in marked contrast to what the Bible says is who God created women to be.\u00a0 In the New Testament we see that the Lord tells women that he wants them to have a demeanor that really is soft and is receptive and responsive and just is a gentle demeanor and not sort of this loud, brash forwardness that women today are encouraged to have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, Mary, a number of years ago I wrote a book called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>.\u00a0 I got a response I was not counting on.\u00a0 A number of listeners sent e-mails, called, wrote, and said, \u201cThis is fine, Dennis, to go interview the young man who takes out your daughter but what about these young ladies who are aggressively pursuing and preying upon our sons?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou undoubtedly have observed this as you\u2019ve raised three sons through adolescence.\u00a0 How did you see it manifesting itself as your sons went through those teenage years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really was a shock to me to see just the difference today in how young women relate to young men as opposed to twenty, thirty, forty years ago.\u00a0 There has been a substantial change.\u00a0 There is this sense of aggressiveness and I saw it for young girls that were pursuing my sons.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a girl who was, even before cell phones, phoning, phoning, phoning, and she wanted to get his attention and didn\u2019t like it that I didn\u2019t call him to the phone each time and took a message instead of calling my son to the phone at her request.\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 He\u2019ll get back to you when he chooses to get back to you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you did because we screened some of those calls, except it wasn\u2019t one girl, it was a dozen, who all of a sudden woke up one morning and saw one of our sons and said, \u201cLet\u2019s go after him!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHe looks good to me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 He looks good.\u00a0 He looks like a good piece of meat to me!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know there are a lot of parent who go \u201cI don\u2019t know if we should be doing that\u201d but I think we should.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It think we should.\u00a0 We actually ended up putting on a block when this young women didn\u2019t respond in a favorable way.\u00a0 But with the texting now it\u2019s crazy.\u00a0 My sons, where they are texted, sometimes dozens and dozens and dozens of times by young women and in every possible way trying to be aggressive in trying to get into a young man\u2019s life, Facebooking, texting.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are young girls nowadays who see nothing wrong and they\u2019ve been taught to believe that there\u2019s nothing wrong in the girls asking the guys out for dates and the girls initiating the relationship and the girls taking the lead in the relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see this happening in these relationships.\u00a0 I see this tendency in the young girls nowadays and the trouble is that I also see them five, ten years down the road when they\u2019re sitting there crying because they\u2019ve gotten married to these guys and \u201cOh, my husband is passive.\u00a0 He won\u2019t take any leadership.\u00a0 He just sits on the couch.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t take initiative in our family and in our home.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI kind of look at them and go \u201cWhat did you expect?\u00a0 You\u2019re the one who pursued him.\u00a0 You\u2019re the one who set the rules for the relationship.\u00a0 You\u2019re the one who initiated and pursued and you really made him into what you wanted him to be and now you\u2019re not content with him being passive.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But Mary, you know what the young girls would say right back to you.\u00a0 \u201cIf I don\u2019t do what you\u2019re telling me not to do it\u2019s going to be a pretty lonely life for me because the girls who do that get the guys and the girls who don\u2019t stay home on Friday night and cry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 (Laughs)\u00a0 Well, I would say to that young girl who gives me that answer, \u201cYou don\u2019t want the kind of guy that you have to go out and pursue.\u00a0 You want the kind of guy who is going to be a good father, a good husband and is going to take leadership in your relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo number one, that is not the kind of guy you want to have anyway, the kind of guy that\u2019s going to respond to you pursuing him.\u00a0 And number two, you have to have a bigger view of who\u2019s in control and ultimately the Lord is in control.\u00a0 If you trust that God is in control, and that He has a plan and a purpose for your life and He has a guy for you that is going to be worth waiting for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara\u2019s been working on a book to women really about this issue of being a wife.\u00a0 The other day we were driving back from a speaking engagement and she said \u201cWhat\u2019s my response supposed to be to strong women who are married to weak men?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I hear you saying here is that if women buy into the lies of the culture, they could find themselves wrapped up in a permanent relationship called marriage to a man they were able to control at a point in their lives.\u00a0 Now he is a man who is not willing to be able to love and lead and serve and initiate and be purposeful in leading the family.\u00a0 To me the tragedy of what\u2019s happening to young ladies today is this lie is being permeated and perpetrated upon them by the culture and they\u2019re swallowing the bait, hook, line, and sinker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are swallowing the bait.\u00a0 They find themselves in marriages and then they\u2019ve entered into this relationship following a certain set of rules for the relationship.\u00a0 She sets the pace, she controls, and then all of a sudden she realized that that\u2019s not working so well and it\u2019s not very fulfilling.\u00a0 To have to work at changing the way the relationship works then desiring to see her husband change and to take her hands off that control that\u2019s a very difficult path to walk.\u00a0 So if young girls right off the bat were instructed the right way and began to approach relationships is the right way, they\u2019d save themselves a lot of grief down the road.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, a girl who has gone wild, is that someone who is sexually aggressive or can you be a wild girl without being sexually aggressive?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think that there is wildness in each one of us and when you think of wildness, really, it goes back to the garden of Eden, the first girl gone wild, which was Eve.\u00a0 Really, to me, wildness is just a woman who relies on her own instincts and her own wisdom for knowing how to life rather than relying on who God says she is and relying on how God says she ought to live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWildness is really when we turn away from our creator and we just rely on ourselves.\u00a0 That is really the mark of many women today, and many women in the church, too.\u00a0 Wisdom is when we turn back to the Lord and figure out how He says we ought to live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the things you say is that you can tell a lot about a woman in terms of how she relates to the man in her life, and I\u2019m assuming you\u2019re saying that of a woman who is married as well as the single women, how they relate to men.\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well; I believe that the Lord has created us women and created us with a womanly disposition.\u00a0 If you observe relationships and if you observe the way that a\u00a0 woman treats the men in her life, if she\u2019s respectful, if she honors them and respects them, if she interacts with them in a womanly way that really is responsive and in a way that is not the loud, defiant, controlling manipulative type way, you\u2019ll know that she is equipped with a lot of skills that will really help her in a marriage relationship and will really help to make a marriage work.\u00a0 So you can tell a lot by a woman in just the way that she interacts.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that with my daughter-in-law Jacquelyn I could tell a lot about her when I watched the way that she interacted with her dad and with her brother and then the way that she interacted with just her male friends and then the way that she interacted with my son.\u00a0 You could tell a lot about her character and about whether or not she had committed herself to following God\u2019s way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mary, I\u2019m going to ask you a personal question here.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got two sons who aren\u2019t married.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say you begin to watch one of them date and get serious with a young lady who her behavior betrays where her heart is.\u00a0 It screams that she is a woman gone wild.\u00a0 What would you do in that situation, because you\u2019ve got adult sons now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do and that\u2019s not a theoretical question.\u00a0 That\u2019s a practical question.\u00a0 That\u2019s something that happened in my family.\u00a0 That happened with one of my sons where he was involved in a relationship with a girl who said that her heart was inclined towards Christ but really wasn\u2019t and where she really in control of the situation.\u00a0 She was texting him 24\/7.\u00a0 She was the one pursuing him.\u00a0 She was the one who was really pushing the relationship and wearing the pants, so to speak.\u00a0 My son wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe dealt with it.\u00a0 My husband and I dealt with it at the level of challenging our son to be the man that he needed to be and to make the decisions that he needed to make and pointing out things of concern in the relationship, but trying to do that in a way that\u2019s also full of grace because there\u2019s room for everybody to grow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look at my own life and I know that I have come a long way from when I was eighteen and nineteen and twenty and learning these lessons.\u00a0 So there are behavioral things where girls can grow.\u00a0 But the main thing is does this woman have a heart that\u2019s inclined to follow the Lord Jesus Christ?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you son didn\u2019t just go to her and say, \u201cHey, my mom wrote this book.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to read it?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s not how that worked?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, he\u2019s been doing that a lot lately!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 I was having a conversation not long ago with my son and he had been watching a show on TV with a group of friends.\u00a0 In this show there are a couple of teenage characters and the young man wants to take the young woman to a music festival, out of town.\u00a0 The girl\u2019s parents say no and she decides \u201cI\u2019m not going to listen to my parents.\u201d\u00a0 So they\u2019re headed off to the music festival and that\u2019s when the young man finds out that she\u2019s going against her parents\u2019 will.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t know that Mom and Dad had said no.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy son said, \u201cI started screaming at the TV and going \u2018Take her back home.\u00a0 If she\u2019s not going to honor her father, she\u2019ll never honor you!\u2019\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m saying, \u201cYou go, son!\u00a0 You go!\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cEverybody in the room kind of looked at me like \u2018what are you talking about?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 But he said he could see it very clearly and it\u2019s to your point.\u00a0 How a woman responds to the men in her life before marriage really sets a pattern for what that interaction is going to be like in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does set a pattern.\u00a0 That\u2019s why it\u2019s important that young women in relationships with young men, even friendships even, relate to them in a way that honors God\u2019s pattern and God\u2019s plan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But again I come back and you know I\u2019m just thinking like the young women who are listening and going \u201cOkay I hear all of this.\u00a0 Theoretically it sounds fine and practically it means I\u2019m a lonely girl for a long time. \u201c\u00a0 You know.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got women coming up and saying that to you.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m trying to do this, Mary, and the boys aren\u2019t pursuing and the guys are ignoring me and I\u2019m a lonely person.\u00a0 And that\u2019s sad.\u00a0 So do I just stay after it and hope and pray?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well that\u2019s a good question and there are a lot of young women asking that question.\u00a0 \u201cSo how do I get their attention?\u201d Or \u201chow do I engage with them?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that my sons would tell you that if you are friendly and open and if you put yourselves in situations, in group situations, and you engage in a friendly way, that women who are actually seeking to pursue God\u2019s pattern are very, very attractive to young men.\u00a0 Young men who are godly men aren\u2019t interested in the women who dress seductively, who put themselves out in a very forward way, or sexually aggressive, or relationally aggressive.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce I was walking in the mall with my son, when he was about seventeen years old. We were walking and there was a young woman who passed by and she was very seductively dressed.\u00a0 She kind of gave my young son that \u201cHey, I\u2019m interested, you come get me\u201d look as we walked past which, you know, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat kind of girl does that when a guy\u2019s walking with his mother?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 With his mom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, anyway, I picked up on it.\u00a0 I noticed and I said to my son, I said, \u201cSo what do you think when you see a girl come on to you like that?\u201d\u00a0 He thought for a moment, he thought now how do I answer this question with my mom?\u201d\u00a0 But he thought for a moment and he said, \u201cDo you know, Mom?\u00a0 It arouses the male in me but it does not attract the man in me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a great statement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s an incredible statement.\u00a0 So in a sense it\u2019s easy to get a guy\u2019s attention, visually, sexually.\u00a0 But she\u2019s not getting the kind of attention she wants.\u00a0 If she wants to attract him as a man, as a potential suitor, as a potential husband and father, then she needs to be sending out very different signals.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, she does.\u00a0 In fact, if there are young ladies who are listening, and for that matter women, I think they have to ask themselves the question, \u201cDo they want to turn heads or do they want to turn hearts?\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s what your son was articulating.\u00a0 His heart, the real man in him, was looking for a woman who was made in the image of God following Jesus Christ.\u00a0 If you\u2019re raising a daughter you need to raise a daughter who knows the difference between a wise and a wild woman and know how to spot them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeginning in sixth grade, maybe beginning as early as fifth grade, junior high, I\u2019m telling you, the peer pressure is big time.\u00a0 And as a parent, if you\u2019ve not equipped your daughters to be able to know the difference, they\u2019re going to be tripped up and it\u2019s back to Romans 12:1- 2.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.\u201d\u00a0 That comes from the scripture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, one last group I want to speak to and that\u2019s the parents who are raising the sons who need to know the difference between a girl gone wild and a girl who\u2019s gone wise.\u00a0 He needs to listen to his parents very carefully.\u00a0 I know that\u2019s easy for us to sit here in this studio as Bob\u2019s almost an empty nester here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when you raise adult children you\u2019ve got to step back and you\u2019ve got to take those moments when you challenge them to really consider their actions and what they\u2019re doing in a relationship.\u00a0 You have to take it very seriously and you have to carefully weight your words in terms of saying something to them..\u00a0 But our sons need to be trained to know the difference between what is a Proverbs 31 woman and what is a Proverbs 7 woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The culture\u2019s not holding up a whole lot of models of the virtuous woman and saying \u201cOh, look.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t this great?\u00a0 Here\u2019s what you want to imitate\u201d but they are throwing at us a lot of images of the Proverbs 7 woman and saying this is what womanhood ought to look like.\u00a0 If we\u2019re going to train our sons and our daughters, we better have something that is counter-cultural and that is what I think Mary\u2019s book is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>It\u2019s called <em>Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild<\/em> and we\u2019ve got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com and request a copy of the book.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or call toll free at 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think this material is so critical that this week.\u00a0 If you want to get a copy of the CDs of our conversation with Mary Kassian packaged together with a CD from Carolyn McCulley in a conversation we had with her about her book, <em>Radical Womanhood<\/em>, we\u2019re making those CDs available to those who can help us with a donation of any amount this week.\u00a0 Go online and make a donation online at FamilyLifeoday.com and type the word \u201cWISE\u201d into the key code box.\u00a0 Or call 1-800FLTODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make a donation over the phone and just ask for the CDs on <em>Girls Gone Wise<\/em> and <em>Radical Womanhood<\/em> and we\u2019ll send those out to you.\u00a0 Again, that\u2019s our way of saying thank you for helping to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Your donations are what keep us on this station and our network of stations all across the country and we appreciate your financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So again if you\u2019re looking for the book go to FamilyLIfeToday.com and you can order a copy.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like us to send you the CDs of this message along with the radical Womanhood CDs, call us and make a donation or go online and make a donation and make sure you put the word \u201cWISE\u201d in the online key code box.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Mary Kassian on what wise womanhood looks like.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about the schemer, the wily woman who works her schemes and how that conflicts with a biblical model of womanhood.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider f to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302221","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302221"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302221"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302221"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302221"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302221"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302221"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302221"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}