{"id":302210,"date":"2011-02-09T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-02-09T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/training-in-passion\/"},"modified":"2011-02-09T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-02-09T17:00:00","slug":"training-in-passion","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/training-in-passion\/","title":{"rendered":"Training in Passion"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Love is a verb, and needs to be expressed on a daily basis.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-09.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.67M","filesize_raw":"24822989","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4714],"podcast_series":[7786],"cwp_profile":[3389],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302210","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-romance","podcast_series-the-creators-guide-to-marital-intimacy","cwp_profile-daniel-akin","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302210\/training-in-passion","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302210\/training-in-passion","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"zrBkxTzCst\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/training-in-passion\/\">Training in Passion<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/training-in-passion\/embed\/#?secret=zrBkxTzCst\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Training in Passion&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"zrBkxTzCst\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Love is a verb, and needs to be expressed on a daily basis.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0 You've heard the old expression, \"When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy?\"\u00a0 Well, what do you do when Mama ain't happy?\u00a0 Danny Akin says at his house, he's had to train his boys on how to respond.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny: <\/strong>\u00a0 Because they love their mother, hopefully, having seen a little bit of that in the way their dad loves their mother.\u00a0 They cut her some space.\u00a0 They give her some time and because she is a godly lady, she works through those things, and we get on down the road with a big smile on our face.\u00a0 All of us need some time like that, and sometimes it's what Mom or the wife needs, and if we love them, we'll give it to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 9th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 How do you love your spouse when your spouse is hard to love?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Bob, what does love look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Love look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 As you think about love, and as you would attempt to bring up an image of what love might look like in a marriage and family relationship, what would you say it looks like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, the definition I've always used, if I'm talking to couples at a <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>conference or engaged couples, and we have those folks who come to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> as well, I've said love is a whole lot less about the emotional goo you sometimes feel, you know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0It's about commitment and self-sacrifice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those are the two things.\u00a0 So what does it look like?\u00a0 Well, it looks like commitment and self-sacrifice.\u00a0 I'll tell you what I think it looks like \u2013 do you remember the pastor we interviewed a number of years ago in Ohio?\u00a0 He'd gotten together with a group of guys and they would meet once a month.\u00a0 They were planning a big event for their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\"Men of the Titanic.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They called themselves \"The Men of the Titanic,\" and their whole idea was that the ship's going down, it's the men who are going down, you're going to save the women and the children, and they planned a big event, and here is how I knew it was real love with these guys.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey took ballroom dancing lessons, and they learned how to embroider napkins with their wives' names on them, and I said, \"It would only be a guy who really loves, who would take the ballroom dancing lessons and do the embroidery on the napkins.\"\u00a0 You know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do know what you mean.\u00a0 Well, all this week we've been talking about love from the perspective of God and specifically what God said about love in the book of Song of Solomon.\u00a0 We have Danny Akin joining us.\u00a0 Danny, you've been a big help this week in kind of helping us unravel this thing called romance and passion in marriage.\u00a0 I want to ask you \u2013 what comes to your mind as you think about a picture of love?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think it looks like 1 Corinthians 13, and I think that means that love is not an abstract idea.\u00a0 Love is an action word.\u00a0 It's interesting in that particular text, Paul doesn't really define love, he describes love, and he describes love with 16 verbs \u2013 all action words, all in a continuous action tense so that love is something you continually do again and again and again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's very concrete, it's very tangible.\u00a0 It is something that another person feels, hears, and sees.\u00a0 So it's an action word.\u00a0 It's an action word that embodies the beauty of, I think, the life of the Lord Jesus Christ as a person gives themself sacrificially and in commitment to another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I had somebody one time suggest that you take those four verses from 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4 through 7, and he said every place where it says \"Love is\" in that passage, just go through and insert your own name \u2013 \"Bob is patient, Bob is kind, Bob is not self-seeking.\"\u00a0 He said you'll get some places where you find you're not telling the truth anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You get a lump in your throat at certain places, because you know that's not who I am, and yet that's who I ought to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Danny, you and your wife Charlotte have celebrated your Silver Anniversary; you're now going for the gold.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have four sons.\u00a0 You guys have been through a few things together.\u00a0 You've modeled love in that relationship for those boys of yours, and undoubtedly in all of your years of pastoring and teaching at seminary and ministering to folks all over the country and around the world, you've undoubtedly seen some great illustrations of love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, Dennis, in the book there is a story that's a true story related to me by the lady that's actually mentioned in it when she contracted breast cancer.\u00a0 And it was of such a severe nature she had to have surgery immediately.\u00a0 She lost one of her breasts.\u00a0 She was given very little chance of a long-term survival.\u00a0 The cancer had even moved into other parts of her body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe shares that in the hospital, she had not become aware of how she looked.\u00a0 Her hair was matted, she had no makeup, she had swollen up from some of the reaction to antibiotics, and when her husband came in, she just burst into tears.\u00a0 And he said, \"Well, sweetheart, I understand this is all too much,\" and she said, \"But you don't understand.\u00a0 Look at what I look like.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe'd seen her reflection in a desk mirror.\u00a0 And there had been a number of people who had come by to see her the previous day, and she said, \"This is what they saw,\" and she says, \"I know it could have been taken as vanity, but I just didn't recognize myself, and I was nothing at all of what I really look like.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer husband immediately left the room and came back in with a cart of shampoo and cream and lotions.\u00a0 He picked his wife up, carried her over to a sink, set her down in his lap, put her head into the sink, and began to wash her hair.\u00a0 He finished washing her hair, he blow-dried it; he then combed it.\u00a0 He then put makeup on her \u2013 lipstick and then she looked at herself in the mirror, and as she says in the story, she was herself again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe then burst into tears, and her husband began to say, \"Oh, honey, don't cry, you'll mess up my makeup job.\"\u00a0 But as she shares, she was crying, not because of the surgery.\u00a0 She was crying because of the love of a man that had become so evident to her in those very crucial moments when her world was just crumbling all around her.\u00a0 Yet she says of all the things she thinks about over her marriage, there was never more tender or precious time than those few moments in that hospital room when her husband loved her in a way that any woman would have understood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Ephesians, chapter 5, commands husbands to love our wives as Christ loved the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And gave Himself for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I wonder sometimes if, as husbands, we become so shortsighted about our wives, we tend to look at them sort of one-dimensionally and kind of see them having life all together, and we don't understand what our real assignment is.\u00a0 On more than one occasion, Barbara has had to remind me.\u00a0 She said, \"You know, I don't have life quite wired together as well as you think I do.\u00a0 I really need your love.\u00a0 I need your help.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And sometimes it has to be a tragedy along these lines before a man, unfortunately, gets the wakeup call, and wouldn't it be wonderful if we would get the call a bit sooner, realizing that that is, indeed, what's going on underneath the surface.\u00a0 That's just who they are, it's how God wired them together.\u00a0 It makes them both absolutely wonderful and mysterious and exciting.\u00a0 But, on the other hand, there is a vulnerability there, there's a tenderness there.\u00a0 Thank God that it is there, because we certainly would be worse off without having that kind of mate brought alongside of us in or marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You're talking about principles from the book of Song of Solomon about passion and romance and sex in marriage, and as we mentioned earlier, has to do with a relationship.\u00a0 And, really, what we're talking about here is training husbands to know how to meet their wife's needs.\u00a0 That may mean putting the kids to bed, washing the dishes, turning off the TV, putting down the newspaper.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLast night I picked up a good book, which usually puts me right to sleep before I go to sleep, and I picked it up and started reading, and the voice from across the bed of my wife said, \"If you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to put down the book, and I'd like for you and I to say a few more words than just 10 that we've had all day together.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And so \u2026\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Is that how she said it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She really did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Just like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Just about like that \u2013 she said \u2013 I don't think she'd truly counted all the words \u2013 it might have been 12 or 13, but I closed the book, reached over \u2013 and her light was still on.\u00a0 I turned my light off and turned and faced her, and I said, \"Okay, where do you want to start?\"\u00a0 So she said, \"Give me a rundown on your day.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, typically, what a wife is looking for is something more than the <em>Readers' Digest<\/em> 15-second cable news network version of a man's day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a typical day, you know, nothing really much happened, like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, right, grunt and, you know, you've breezed your way through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And pick your book back up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Instead, I began to start in the morning, and I went through every meeting, every conversation, and took what I felt like was a long time and probably four minutes later \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You'd poured yourself out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Finished my day, you know?\u00a0\u00a0 Then I turned to her and asked her for the same and, you know, it took a little longer than four minutes for her.\u00a0 But, you know, that was a good time of conversation, and then we had prayer together and went to sleep.\u00a0 But I think our wives are looking for a relationship.\u00a0 For some men the real sacrifice may be in turning the TV off, putting the paper down, closing their book, and turning and facing their wives \u2013 or going for a walk together.\u00a0 But the point is, our wives need our love, and that's what we were commanded to do by the Savior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, we're commanded to live with our wives in an understanding way.\u00a0 That's what Peter exhorts us to in 1 Peter, chapter 3, right?\u00a0 And you've had to learn a little bit about how to live with your wife in an understanding way, haven't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely, and, you know, to be fair to these ladies, even godly women who love the Lord sometimes have bad days.\u00a0 My poor wife, bless her heart, was condemned to a male dormitory.\u00a0 There are four sons and me, and she says, basically, she has raised five men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn her less than warm-and-fuzzy moments, she has said that she is convinced that men will do things a dog won't do.\u00a0 I'm not sure that that's true, but I can't argue with her because she has a lot of experience in that area.\u00a0 But in our home we used to playfully say that when Mom seemed to be having a bad day, Mom's got that look in her eye.\u00a0 There was just something about the way that \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, you and the guys would \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, yes, it was not shared with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This was kind of insider language between the sons and the dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This was a male dormitory code word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Code language.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, sir.\u00a0 And, actually, I came home one day when we were living in Wake Forest, North Carolina; my four sons met me on the front porch \u2013 \"Stop, Daddy, stop.\u00a0 We have got to talk,\" and Timothy, my youngest, who was about seven or eight said, \"Dad, the look is back, and it's back big time this time, and you've got to do something.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I went into the house, checked things out, came back out and said, \"Guys, you're right.\u00a0 I've seen this look before, and so here's Dad's counsel \u2013 every man for himself.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, wait a second.\u00a0 What did you actually see when you walked in the house?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I walked in, Dennis, and she was to the back wall working at the sink, and so all I could see was Charlotte from the back side, but you know, there's sometimes the way a woman is conducting business by her body language.\u00a0 You don't have to see her eyes.\u00a0 She had the look.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She was focused?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, was she focused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She was intense.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Intense is not an adequate word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She was on mission, whatever the mission was for the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and we were not a part of it at that particular moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And so you told the guys to scatter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I said, \"Every man for himself.\u00a0 I've seen this look.\u00a0 You leave her alone for about two hours; I think she'll be fine.\u00a0 I'm going to leave her alone.\u00a0 If you cross her path, don't call for me.\u00a0 I'm not coming.\u00a0 We're all on our own.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So your instruction to the young guys was to understand what she needs right now the most is not you to come engage her in conversation or attempt to have a relationship.\u00a0 She just needs some space.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And you know what's neat?\u00a0 They have come to see that in recent years as young men, and, on a day or two, they have said, \"Mom seems a little \u2013 the look's kind of there today, isn't it?\"\u00a0 I said, \"Yes, she's got a lot going on,\" and they have learned how to relate to her \u2013 not to push an issue, not to demand something.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause they love their mother, hopefully, having seen a little bit of that in the way their dad loves their mother, they cut her some space.\u00a0 They give her some time, and because she is a godly lady, she works through those things.\u00a0 We get on down the road with a big smile on our face.\u00a0 All of us need some time like that, and sometimes it's what Mom or the wife needs, and if we love them, we'll give it to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, I'm going to risk something that \u2013 well, I'm going to test the relationship we have with our female listening audience, all right?\u00a0 This is dangerous, I admit it, but Danny has a list in his book, <em>God on Sex.<\/em>\u00a0 And I'm counting on, Bob, you and me having enough relationship with our female listeners that they are not going to be offended by some cute humor that is entitled \"25 Essentials for a Fantastic Female.\"\u00a0 Now, what this is, this is \u2013 well, 25 kind of half-truths \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's fair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That men would give women about what would really make them effective as a wife and a woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And what would bless us on the other end.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>On the other end, and, again, I want to say don't take this literally.\u00a0 This is just kind of fun.\u00a0 We're just going to have some fun here for the next few moments, and since you wrote this, Danny, I'm going to ask you to read it, and I'm going to send the letters to you, if they come.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust go through there and \u2013 Bob and I may offer a comment or two as we go through here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, first of all, a man would say to a woman, \"Learn to work the toilet seat.\u00a0 If it's up, put it down.\u00a0 We need it up; you need it down.\u00a0 You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.\"\u00a0 And, number five, if you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you don't want to hear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, think about that one for a moment.\u00a0 That's what we give, as men \u2013 answers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That's the way we're wired, that's the way we're programmed, especially if we're asked a question.\u00a0 We tend to think that an answer is forthcoming and expected.\u00a0 Twenty-one \u2013 all men see in only 16 colors.\u00a0 Peach is a fruit, not a color.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, finally, most guys own three pairs of shoes.\u00a0 What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look good with your dress?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, guys, you're brave to put that before your female audience.\u00a0 I just hope they understand we're just playing.\u00a0 We're just trying to have fun, but yet I do agree \u2013 men come to some of these issues with a different perspective.\u00a0 If a wife will also work at understanding that, cutting us a little slack, I think she'll be really pleased at the kind of response she gets, because we appreciate it when they overlook some of our peculiarities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, we hear from guys from time to time who \u2013 they've heard us talking about the need to live with your wife in an understanding way, and we talk about conversation, and we talk about care and tenderness and all of the things a husband ought to do.\u00a0 They'll sometimes write and say, \"It sounds to us like you're saying guys need to be more feminine.\u00a0 It's just all a process of turning men into feminized males.\u00a0 We need to be more sensitive, and we need to be more accommodating to our wives, and it just feels like the burden is all on the husband.\u00a0 Doesn't my wife have any responsibility to nurture a relationship with me?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I'd say two things \u2013 one, we're not after feminized males; we're after genuine, masculine males.\u00a0 And a masculine man can be both a strong man and a gentle man all wrapped up in one.\u00a0 The greatest man who ever lived was the Lord Jesus Christ.\u00a0 He was a man's man, but He was also gracious, compassionate, and approachable.\u00a0 And being a man of steel and a man of velvet are not mutually exclusive.\u00a0 You can be, to quote a phrase today, the total package, all right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, having said that, no, it is a two-way street, and there are responsibilities that women have and, the fact is, women sometimes come up short as well in the area of romance, in the area of commitment, in the area of relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen need to understand men have a much more fragile ego than we ever let on, and the issue of a man's sense of self-worth and the fact that he feels that his wife admires him is of immense importance to him.\u00a0 It is true that men connect sexual intimacy with the fact that their wife cares for them; that she desires them; and a woman sometimes needs to be willing to make a sacrifice in this area out of love for her man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA man needs a place where he can rest.\u00a0 A man really does need \u2013 the phrase came into being because it's true \u2013 a man needs a home that is his castle.\u00a0 Well, that will happen if there is a queen in the home, and, by the way, it's interesting, in the Song of Solomon they refer to each other at times by kingly and queenly terminology.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realize he was the king, she was a queen, and yet later in Israel's history, often these songs were utilized in marriage ceremonies, and the groom was talked about as a king, the wife as a queen.\u00a0 When you treat your man like a king, he'll probably treat you like a queen.\u00a0 And when you treat, in reverse, your wife like a queen, you may expect the treatment of a king as well.\u00a0 There is something about giving to each other in that kind of loving, deferential kind of a way that naturally leads us through the power of Christ to give back to our mate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In Ephesians, chapter 5, wives are instructed to respect their husbands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And that's not something that we ever see in Scripture in the other direction.\u00a0 Now, that doesn't mean we should be disrespectful of our wives, it just seems to me that God is saying there's a strong need on the part of a man to feel he is admired and respected.\u00a0 That's even affirmed in Scripture, and wives are called upon to meet that need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely, and I think, again, too many women fail to understand what a great need that is in the life of a man.\u00a0 Again, as we've said previously, you find the things they do well; you magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses, and you will build in that man a confidence as well as a desire to even become better in those other areas where perhaps he does struggle and does not do quite so well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Whether you're a husband or a wife, all of us need to be equipped better in terms of knowing how to romantically love and meet the needs of our spouse.\u00a0 If you haven't been to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> Marriage Conferences, I want to encourage you to go online to our website at FamilyLife.com and click on a location near you and find out how you can become a better student of your spouse.\u00a0 The whole weekend is really about equipping you to better meet the needs of your spouse, and that begins as we understand them and know how to meet them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0I've talked to couples who are actually surprised that the Bible has as much to say about a marriage relationship as it has to say.\u00a0 Couples who know their Bible pretty well may know that Ephesians, chapter 5, talks about marriage, but they don't realize that there is a whole lot more in the Bible about how we relate to one another; how we express love to one another, and over the course of two-and-a-half days at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> conference, we have an opportunity to unpack a whole ton of biblical truth and to do it in a way that's fun.\u00a0 Couples enjoy it.\u00a0 They laugh.\u00a0 They have a great time and they come away with a more solid understanding of how they can live out what God's calling you to in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow this weekend we are kicking off our spring season of <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to be hosting these in cities all around the country this spring, and if you\u2019d like to find out when one of these marriage getaways is happening in a city near where you live go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and type in your zip code, and find out when getaways are happening near where you live.\u00a0 Or you can get a complete list of all of the cities where these getaways are going to be taking place this spring.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is also a link to <em>The Art of Marriage <\/em>website.\u00a0 If you want to find out where this new video event is going to be premiering this weekend, -- again, it may be in a city near where you live -- click on <em>The Art of Marriage <\/em>link on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You may want to make plans to spend Valentine\u2019s weekend at one of these video events happening near where you live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course, you can get a copy of Danny Akin\u2019s book, <em>God on Sex,<\/em> when you go to our website as well.\u00a0 The website again is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or you can contact us by phone if that\u2019s easier, 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 If you have questions about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway or about our <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> video events, or if you\u2019d like to get a copy of Danny Akin\u2019s book, <em>God on Sex, <\/em>call 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY,\u201d and we can answer any questions you have or make arrangements to get the resources you need sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, a quick word of thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> through donations.\u00a0 Whether you are a regular monthly supporter of the ministry or somebody who makes a donation from time to time, we appreciate whatever you\u2019re able to do in supporting this ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, if you could make a donation we\u2019d love to say thank you by sending you a four-CD series on romance.\u00a0 There\u2019s a message from Dennis included in that collection and you\u2019ll hear a conversation we had, an extended conversation, with Linda Dillow and Lorrane Pintus on a book they wrote called <em>Intimate Issues: Questions Women Ask Most Frequently About Romance and Passion and Intimacy and Sex in Marriage.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you make a donation this month, feel free to request those CDs.\u00a0 If you donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, be sure to write the word \u201cROMANCE\u201d in the online key code box.\u00a0 If you\u2019re donating by phone, when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY just ask for the CDs on romance after you make your donation.\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re happy to send them out to you, and we very much appreciate your partnership and your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to encourage you to be back with us tomorrow, when we\u2019re going to have a friend of Dr. Akin\u2019s joining us.\u00a0 Tom Elliff and his wife, Jeannie will be here to talk about questions husbands and wives ought to be asking one another regularly, at least once a year.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow; I hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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