{"id":302208,"date":"2011-02-07T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-02-07T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/prelude-to-a-kiss\/"},"modified":"2011-02-07T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-02-07T17:00:00","slug":"prelude-to-a-kiss","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/prelude-to-a-kiss\/","title":{"rendered":"Prelude to a Kiss"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is romance a biblical requirement?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.65M","filesize_raw":"26895479","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4714],"podcast_series":[7786],"cwp_profile":[3389],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302208","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-romance","podcast_series-the-creators-guide-to-marital-intimacy","cwp_profile-daniel-akin","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302208\/prelude-to-a-kiss","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302208\/prelude-to-a-kiss","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"37FqnkcqfQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/prelude-to-a-kiss\/\">Prelude to a Kiss<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/prelude-to-a-kiss\/embed\/#?secret=37FqnkcqfQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Prelude to a Kiss&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"37FqnkcqfQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Is romance a biblical requirement?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Intimacy in marriage can be like a gauge on a dashboard in a car.\u00a0 If there is a problem that shows up on the dashboard, you may need to look deeper.\u00a0 Here is Danny Akin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 If your marriage is going well, the intimate part is about 10 percent of the marriage, and that's a reflection of it being kind of the thermometer that lets you know the health of the marriage.\u00a0 But if the rest of the marriage is crumbling or there is stress and difficulty, then this area suddenly becomes a great gauge on how is the rest of the\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\trelationship going?\u00a0 If it's not going well, it's about 90 percent of the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 7th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Is the warning light on on the dashboard of your relationship with your husband or wife?\u00a0 We'll help you do a little diagnostic work today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, back when you and your wife Barbara wrote the book, \"Rekindling the Romance,\" talking about a husband's and wife's relationship, I asked you the question at the time -- do you think that romance is a biblical imperative? Is it a requirement?\u00a0 Is it just an option for a married couple or is it something that God expects of us in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you told me you thought it's not optional; that it's a requirement for a married couple.\u00a0 Then you went and you said, \"In fact, I'm going to bring in a seminary professor who can vouch for my position on this.\"\u00a0 That's exactly what you've done here today, isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have.\u00a0 In fact, more than a seminary professor \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, that's right, he's president of the seminary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 President of the seminary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You went all the way to the top, didn't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I went all the way to Wake Forest to Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and nabbed the president of that seminary to bring him into buttress the argument that romance is not only biblical but a requirement for marriage. Isn't that right, Danny Akin?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would agree 100 percent, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go; you got the seminary stamp of approval on that one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You really do. Danny, in case our listeners have not met him before, he and his wife Charlotte have been married since 1978. He has four sons. He's been a pastor. He's been a seminary professor, as Bob has spoken -- academic dean of a seminary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, you are the only seminary president I've ever known to win a Newlywed Game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is correct, we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This wasn't the one on TV?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, no, this was the one that took place at our seminary when we were having a Valentine's banquet a couple of years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I thought this was the one way back when you started your marriage -- you were true newlyweds. But this actually occurred after several years of marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, actually, there were a number of professors that were involved. It should have been called the Oldiewed Game. So we were up there with three or four other couples and, I hate to say it, but we absolutely waxed them. We took them to task, and the key question that won it all was the bonus question -- what is your favorite book of the Bible? And every other couple missed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey came to me, and they said, \"Well, what is your favorite book of the Bible, and I grinned and said, \"Well, you're not going to believe this, but it is the Song of Solomon and, I promise you, my wife has that written on the card.\u00a0 Sure enough, she held up the Song of Solomon.\u00a0 The crowd went crazy, and the rest of the story is we walked away with the big victory.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But there was one other key question, I remember, in that Newlywed\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGame.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, there was -- what was the last thing you fixed in your home? And after wracking my brain, trying to think of anything, I had to be honest, and I said, \"Nothing.\" Again, the crowd exploded in applause, because she held up the card that said, \"Nothing.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Danny, you've written a book called <em>God on Sex.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you've actually taken your favorite book of the Bible, the Song of Solomon, and you've gone through it verse-by-verse, and you've just kind of shared with, in my opinion, a very needy audience across the country who needs to hear what God's perspective is on sex. If we could kind of roll back time and ask God why He would include this book in the Bible, why do you think He did that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think He did it because he knew that we needed instruction, especially men, in this area called romance and intimacy. There's a lot more to one's intimate sex life than just the two bodies coming together, and we need that kind of guidance and direction, and so He gives us an eight-chapter book that pretty much is dedicated to that single theme.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I've had a lot of people ask me over the years about that book \u2013 about the fact that it was written by a guy who wound up having 300 wives and 700 concubines.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, Bob's always been fascinated by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What was going on there?\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Bob's not the only one fascinated there, and that really is an interesting question, and it causes a number of people to come to Song of Solomon with some different conclusions.\u00a0 Some actually have drawn the conclusion he didn't write it, and they would say that the first verse ought to be interpreted, \"A Song for Solomon,\" not by\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSolomon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOthers have said, and this was actually the view of the church and even the rabbinic tradition, Song of Solomon was written early in his life after his first true love, before he did, indeed, marry these many wives and bring into his family, his life, these concubines. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOthers have said what you have here perhaps is an ideal picture of what the intimate, romantic part of marriage ought to look like, and that Solomon, in many ways, with some regrets, is able, by the inspiration of the Spirit, to write a book that says when a man is being the man God created him and redeemed him to be, and a woman is being that same kind of lady, here is the kind of relationship that you will see exists from courtship to wedding night to moving on into the marriage as God designed it from the very beginning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Perhaps Solomon learned through some of his mistakes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I, unfortunately, as I look back over my life, my marriage, and my ministry, realize that many of my best messages have come out of my failures, not out of my successes.\u00a0 Now, let's go back to your marriage with Charlotte.\u00a0 You started out that marriage in 1978. Has this area been a real strength in your marriage from day one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 It was an area, obviously, that I had a great deal of interest, being a typical 21-year-old male, but it was an area where I certainly had a lot to learn, and that's one of the things I'm grateful about with the Song of Solomon and one of the things that caused me to become interested in it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife grew up in a children's home.\u00a0 She was born into a home with alcoholic parents that divorced when she was seven.\u00a0 She went to this children's home with her sister and brother when she was nine and lived there until she was 18. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we got married, one of the neat things was God gave me a wife that was determined she was not going to follow in the pattern of her family.\u00a0 It was going to be different.\u00a0 But she came into it with a lot of hurt, some real bruises, even some scars, but yet she was such a wonderful, loving mate.\u00a0 I determined that, before God, I would try to grow to be the man that God wanted me to be, and I came to understand very soon I had a lot to learn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When we talk about this subject at our <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em> conferences, we take an hour on Saturday, and we kind of peel back the curtain on what's going on in a marriage relationship around the area of sexuality.\u00a0 One of the statements that we make is that sex in a marriage is like a thermometer.\u00a0 It tells you whether everything is okay with the rest of the relationship.\u00a0 It may not tell you what's wrong, if there's something wrong, but it registers how the relationship is doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I hear you talk about even the issues you struggled with early in your marriage, it really is about how we relate to one another; how we learn to love one another; and the act of intimacy is just a symptom of how we're doing in all of these areas, isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 I came across a statement that said if your marriage is going well, the intimate part is about 10 percent of the marriage. If it's not going well, it's about 90 percent.\u00a0 And that's a reflection, as you said, of it being kind of the thermometer that lets you know the health of the marriage.\u00a0 If everything else is going well, this is going well also, but it's not that high-level issue.\u00a0 But if the rest of the marriage is crumbling, or there is stress and difficulty, then this area suddenly becomes a hot-button issue as well, and it really is a great gauge on how is the rest of the relationship going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's one of the things about the Song of Solomon.\u00a0 They're not engaged in intimacy all the way through.\u00a0 In fact, there is more about what's taking place outside of the bedroom than inside the bedroom in those eight chapters.\u00a0 I think that's also very instructive and something that, really, I learned in my teaching through the book several times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and you also mentioned in your book that if we're going to have a true love story, it has to begin with commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why is that so important today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dennis, I think that's the missing word in marriage today.\u00a0 And, of course, when we have so many people cohabiting, and it's not surprising that those who cohabit 50 to 100 percent don't stay with that particular person.\u00a0 Why? Because when it comes to that kind of relationship, there is no commitment.\u00a0 You're almost treating the relationship like leasing a car. If I really like it, maybe at the end of the lease, I'll buy it.\u00a0 If not, I trade this one in, pick up another one, and move on down the road.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you look at what the Bible has to say about marriage and family, commitment is evident all the way through.\u00a0 It's commitment that will help you work through those difficult times and, again, in the Song of Solomon, very interesting, right after their wedding night, they immediately have a problem.\u00a0 Rather than bailing on each other,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbeginning in chapter 5, verse 9, they immediately begin to take steps to reconcile that relationship, and the remainder of the book is a beautiful testimony first, of their reconciliation, and then how they move on into the various stages and chapters of marriage, again, as God intended.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's so realistic.\u00a0 The Song of Solomon is not painting a picture of marriage that we cannot identify with. It's exactly where we live day in and day out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And, Danny, I want to underscore what you said there, because it's from commitment that we work things out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 With the commitment in place, we can then move toward resolving disagreements and conflict and restore peace in the relationship.\u00a0 If that commitment is not there, it's hard to move from strength to resolve anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, you know, a lot of young couples who are listening to us talk about the importance of commitment as a foundation for their intimate relationship \u2013 these are folks who haven't always followed a biblical grid for how they view romance and sex. They would say, \"Well, I don't get it. Back before we were fully committed, back before we were married, man, the passion was huge, it was high.\u00a0 We had our most intense sexual relationship before we got married.\u00a0 It seems like after we got married,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tonce we were committed, it just drained the life out of our passion.\"\u00a0 Why is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, part of what they have to understand is all relationships go through a honeymoon stage, and there is that excitement about the newness of sexual intimacy and physically giving yourself to another person.\u00a0 But if that is nurtured, and if that is protected, and if you continue to give that attention, it will not stay there.\u00a0 It can actually get better.\u00a0 And it gets better growing out of that commitment where there is the ability for a woman -- you see this in the Song of Solomon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe is initiating sex; she is aggressive in pursuing her husband; she can do that, though, because, as she says, \"My beloved is mine, and I am his.\"\u00a0 She has a confidence that this man is committed to her; he is sold out to her.\u00a0 As a result, she is free to give herself in lovemaking in a way she could never do if she was not certain as to the trustworthiness of this person that she's lying in bed with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, he was her friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, he was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it was from that relationship that she was motivated at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I tell folks when I speak on marriage and family that one of the things I become more and more aware of is through the days of marriage, you better remain not only lovers but friends.\u00a0 Actually, for a woman, especially, being a friend leads to his being a lover, and one cannot be separated from the other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The other night Barbara and I were just taking a walk, and she just turned to me, and she just said, \"You know, I just enjoy you as a friend.\" And that's taken us, now, nearly 32 years to really allow that friendship to develop.\u00a0 I want to say, because there are a number of young couples who are listening to us right now, I want to give them hope beyond the early years. I wouldn't trade what Barbara and I experience in terms of passionate love and romance today for what we had in our first five years of marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, were we younger?\u00a0 Were the flashes of fire hot and bright and exciting and exhilarating and new?\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 But there is something about being married to a friend \u2013 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>-- that makes the whole passionate side of the marriage relationship.\u00a0 It takes it to a whole other level. So I just want to affirm what you're saying.\u00a0 It really is the truth. It is attainable for couples if they'll start where you're talking about starting, which is commitment.\u00a0 If you don't have that in place, you'll never get to that satisfied love we're talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dennis, I have to say to folks, I loved my wife when I married her at the age of 21, but today I <em>really <\/em>love my wife at the age of 47. If I say to you I loved her then, I love her now, it does not communicate.\u00a0 I really did not know at that stage you could love someone like I love her now, but you can't get there unless, as you said, there is commitment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, there is a desire to build a growing friendship, and out of those two things alone, it's amazing what God is able to do because you are devoted to each other, not only as lovers but also as friends.\u00a0 And when you like being around that person, there is\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tsomething about the sparks of romance that just continually get rekindled.\u00a0 It may be in a different kind of a way, but they're there again and again and again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 I'll tell you how we got there.\u00a0 We got there not by just experiencing the mountaintop and the magnificent sunsets together.\u00a0 We got there by going through a lot of valleys together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me ask both of you: How would you respond to maybe a single guy who would say, \"I don't know what you're talking about.\u00a0 I don't see why commitment is essential for passionate intimacy, because, frankly,\" he would say, \"I've had some pretty passionate intimacy, and there's not been any commitment there.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would not deny that he has had some passionate intimacy, but I would argue that he hasn't even come close to approaching what he could have if he were in that covenant, committed relationship with another person.\u00a0 It is absolutely impossible, without there being commitment, for any person to give themselves 100 percent to another person, because you don't know that they're doing that for you; you're holding back yourself.\u00a0 And so I'm not denying that he could have some great, exciting, feel-good sex, but is he really making love to another person in the way that God designed and intended?\u00a0 He is not even close.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have really promoted a counterfeit in this culture, and too many people are buying the counterfeit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, the counterfeit is really in the shallow waters.\u00a0 If it's just pleasure you're looking for, you can splash in the water in the shallow end of the pool, but the real intimacy, the real knowing, and the real being known, is in the deep end of the pool, and you can't get there overnight.\u00a0 It's a lifetime together, and many times it's born out of\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tstruggle; it's born out of hardship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and if you spend time splashing around in the shallow end, and there's not the commitment that's there, you leave scars that will profoundly affect you throughout your life, won't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and you're running some tremendous risk.\u00a0 We share in the book, and many of our listeners know this, that sexually transmitted disease is \u2013 just taking one category \u2013 it has continued to explode exponentially, 15 million a year contracting one,\u00a0 one in four under the age of 20. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, again, in all of this was God trying to steal our fun or rain on our parade?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 He was trying to maximize your protection, your pleasure, your partnership.\u00a0 That only comes in a committed relationship.\u00a0 I don't wake up in the morning fearful that I will have to go to the doctor because I have an STD, because I am faithful to my wife, and she\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tis faithful to me.\u00a0 We have 100-percent certainty that is never going to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, guys, we all know some of these diseases are incurable, some of them\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\trender you sterile and, as we all too well know, some of them are fatal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can't get over the fact and, Dennis, you and I talked about this several years ago on the telephone, there are now 12 million AIDS orphans in sub-Sahara Africa.\u00a0 Both mom and dad are dead as a result of not doing sex God's way.\u00a0 That's a tragedy that could have been avoided if we would simply follow our Creator's guidelines for how love and\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tintimacy and romance are to be enjoyed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Danny, I couldn't agree with you more, and the book of Song of Solomon is loaded with practical instruction at how non-romantic guys can become more romantic and all kinds of insight for wives who want to grow in this area of their relationship.\u00a0 I want to talk more about this in the coming interviews we do with you, but I just want to tease just a little bit of what you talk about here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou speak of the importance of a passionate kiss.\u00a0 I don't know, Bob, out of all the people we've interviewed, the only other person we've interviewed that has talked about the length of a kiss being meaningful was Steven Curtis Chapman, when he talked about an 8-second kiss.\u00a0 Well, Danny Akin has taken this to a new level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, eight seconds is \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Eight seconds is\u2026it's little league.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 We're talking about some major league kissing coming up here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's little league. Now, if you want to be in the majors, I'm about to introduce you to the Babe Ruth\u2014 the Babe Ruth of kissing.\u00a0 I almost want to call his wife on the phone and see if this is really real \u2013 if she really likes to kiss him or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're talking about the guy who wrote the book, <em>God on Sex<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We've got copies of that book available in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I want him to comment on this in just a second.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, hang on.\u00a0 I\u2019m just imagining that we have listeners who would like to order the book right now, if the kissing is all it\u2019s cracked up to be here.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can order from us online or you can call 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we can get a copy of Dr. Danny Akin\u2019s book <em>God on Sex<\/em> sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you might imagine, we have other books and resources that deal with this aspect of the marriage relationship that you can get more information about while you\u2019re on our website as well.\u00a0\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com, or call toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY and ask about some of the resources we have available and we\u2019ll get them sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we\u2019re on the subject, we\u2019re also making available this month to those folks who help support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation, a four-CD bundle where we continue to look at this subject.\u00a0 There\u2019s a message in there from you, Dennis, on how you keep romance a priority in your marriage, even when life is busy and things aren\u2019t feeling particularly romantic.\u00a0 How do you rekindle the spark?\u00a0 And then there are CDs that feature a dialogue we had with Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, the authors of a book called <em>Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Women Ask Most Often About Intimacy and Sex.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re making these CDs available as a thank you gift to those folks who help support the ministry this month with a donation.\u00a0 You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, and if you do that, type the word \u201cROMANCE\u201d in the online key code box.\u00a0 Or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329, 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you make your donation over the phone, just ask for the romance CDs and we\u2019ll get those sent out to you.\u00a0 Again, thanks for supporting the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow we\u2019ve been talking to the President of a prestigious seminary, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.\u00a0 Are you ready to pick this back up where you left off?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we've had fun today talking about God's perspective of sex with Danny Akin, and I just threw down the \u2013 well, the gauntlet that you have in your book that you've created the ultimate passionate kiss.\u00a0 I mean, the French are going to come looking for what you've done here, Danny.\u00a0 Share with our listeners what you describe as a passionate kiss.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, actually, I didn't come up with it, guys, Solomon did.\u00a0 It is Solomon who talks about finding the honey under the tongue of his wife and, as I say in the book, the French did not come up with this particular style of kissing.\u00a0 The deep, wet, passionate kissing.\u00a0 It's right there in the Word of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, but, is it eight seconds long?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, no, no, you need to be striving at least toward a minute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sixty seconds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sixty seconds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you make some claims about the 60-second kiss here in your book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I just simply point out that several of the marriage experts out there say that one of the first telltale signs that your marriage is in trouble is not the decrease of your sexual activity, but the decreasing of passionate kissing.\u00a0 And when that goes, you need to take notice something's wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, you, as a listener, I'm turning to you now in our listening audience.\u00a0 You know that Bob and I are here daily to equip you with practical, biblical principles.\u00a0 Song of Solomon, I believe, well, I don't know what chapter it is\u2013chapter 4.\u00a0 \"May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth\" is that right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Danny:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Your application as a married tonight is the Danny Akin 60-second kiss, all right?\u00a0 Write us and tell us \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How it went?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I started thinking about that.\u00a0 Maybe that's not a good idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No, probably not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 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