{"id":302203,"date":"2011-02-01T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-02-01T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/reaching-for-the-bigger-story\/"},"modified":"2011-02-01T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-02-01T17:00:00","slug":"reaching-for-the-bigger-story","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/reaching-for-the-bigger-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Reaching for the Bigger Story"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Who else is influencing your child&#8217;s spiritually?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-01.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.05M","filesize_raw":"27314564","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2881],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[7784],"cwp_profile":[9222],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302203","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-young-children","tag-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-parenting-beyond-your-capacity","cwp_profile-reggie-joiner","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302203\/reaching-for-the-bigger-story","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302203\/reaching-for-the-bigger-story","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"pRMa1081go\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/reaching-for-the-bigger-story\/\">Reaching for the Bigger Story<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/reaching-for-the-bigger-story\/embed\/#?secret=pRMa1081go\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Reaching for the Bigger Story&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"pRMa1081go\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-01.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-01.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 When bad things happen to you and your family\u2014things aren\u2019t going well, do you have a tendency to try to cover it up or gloss over it?\u00a0 Reggie Joiner says it is time for us to be honest, transparent, and authentic with each other.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No one in my family or your family ever planned in their picture for someone to get abused, or for someone to get cancer, or for someone to get divorced, or for all of these things that can somehow come out of nowhere from life to happen.\u00a0 But when they do happen, the best thing we can do as Christian families, and the best thing we can do as the Christian church, is to be authentic enough in our failure and our brokenness so the world outside of us that is broken can see God show up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 1<sup>st<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about the role the church, and particularly the youth ministry, can play in helping families through some of the really challenging times all of us face.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I must see if I can get you into some trouble right here at the beginning of today\u2019s program, okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Go for it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m just going to launch... \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Listen, the guest said that!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 He is egging you on...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He said, \u201cGo for it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Here...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He has only been on one broadcast\u2014he is already kind of...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Parents come to you, and they have a freshman in high school.\u00a0 They say, \u201cWe are trying to decide whether we should let our freshman son go to the youth group at church.\u00a0 You know.\u00a0 We are just not sure whether we should send him to the youth group.\u00a0 I mean...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why is that an issue?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Well, because\u2014you know\u2014pizza and volleyball.\u00a0 We are just not sure they embrace the values\u2014we heard about this youth pastor last year.\u00a0 Did you hear about what he did?\u00a0 He showed them a movie that we would not show our kids.\u00a0 He showed the whole youth group a movie that we would not show...\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I wonder if our guest on today\u2019s broadcast can answer that.\u00a0 He was a youth pastor for ten years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to hear your advice to this mom and dad?\u00a0 You raised six kids.\u00a0 Did your kids go to the youth group?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 They went, but it was not mindless.\u00a0 Bottom line\u2014we wanted our children to have all the godly influences they could have in their lives.\u00a0 This was not the only one, but this was an important one because, frankly, our youth group, overall, was headed in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But you know there are some parents who are going, \u201cI am not\u2014the youth group is the wrong environment.\u00a0 It is peer relationships.\u00a0 Kids are sneaking off and making out.\u00a0 We are just not going to send out...\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy are you laughing?\u00a0 Have you heard some of this before?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure!\u00a0 I have heard all of this before.\u00a0 You know, at the end of the day, the problem is a parent who is too \u201cinsulational\u201d or \u201cisolational\u201d with their kids will end up pushing their kids further into something that they shouldn\u2019t go into.\u00a0 At the end of the day, you really have to ask yourself some hard questions about, \u201cAm I trying to protect my kids or am I trying to launch my kids?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUltimately, I think, we are called to send our children into a world and into a culture to penetrate that culture\u2014to take the message of Christ into culture.\u00a0 If we won\u2019t let them go to the youth group, then I am not sure how they are ever going to be equipped to do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>See.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have to get in trouble.\u00a0 We just let the guest do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let him do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe voice you just heard is that of Reggie Joiner who had how many years in youth ministry?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was a youth pastor for almost 15 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you know a little bit about what is going on there.\u00a0 He has written a book called <em>Parenting Beyond Your Capacity:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Connect Your Family to a Wider Community<\/em>.\u00a0 What you are really talking about here, Reggie, is how a parent really doesn\u2019t see himself or herself as a team as being sufficient to do it by themselves.\u00a0 You are saying they need all the help they can get from the spiritual community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 The two balancing truths that we have to keep in focus create a tension that is a necessary tension for us to live in.\u00a0 One truth is that no one has the potential to influence a son or a daughter like a parent.\u00a0 The second is:\u00a0 A parent is not the only influence a child needs.\u00a0 It takes both.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So the parent who says, \u201cAlright, I\u2019m just not sure I want the 27-year-old youth pastor who has been married for two years\u2014doesn\u2019t have any kids...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Who may be only marginally more mature than the teenager...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One step ahead of the hounds.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not sure I want him to be that other influence in my son or daughter\u2019s life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But how many of us can think of people when we were 19, 18, or 17, that were 26 and 27 who inspired us, who influenced us, who motivated us in our faith.\u00a0 I think it takes a variety of adults in a son or daughter\u2019s life to influence them in the right direction.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, over and over and over again, we are going to say, \u201cIt is the family and it is the church working in sync together.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that doesn\u2019t mean that every family has their act together\u2014like all Christian leaders have their act together in the church\u2014because when we really get honest about it, the fact is there is as much dysfunction in the leaders of the church as there are parents in the family.\u00a0 But God likes to work through dysfunction.\u00a0 God loves to use that as a platform to demonstrate grace, forgiveness, all kinds of issues.\u00a0 At the end of the day, we can\u2019t argue with this, God chose the church\u2014God chose the family to nurture faith in the heart and life of an individual.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Reggie, if we got out of the studio and walked a few feet back into my office, after we kind of cleaned off my desk so you could see the picture, there is a picture of my family back there\u2014all 16 grandkids, all 13 adults.\u00a0 It is a wide-angled shot.\u00a0 It is a Christmas picture that I had blown up.\u00a0 I like to say when I show people that picture, \u201cYou can Photoshop a picture, but you can\u2019t Photoshop a family. \u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have a concept in your book called \u201cThe Stock Family Syndrome.\u201d\u00a0 I really like this because it is what I am saying when I am saying, \u201cYou know what, we are a family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are human beings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know what, we are not perfect.\u00a0 Yes, I am on the radio here and so is Bob; but I am going to tell you something.\u00a0 That does not make us have perfect families because we are human beings who all are in desperate need of a Savior and of being, not only redeemed with God, but also being saved from themselves on a daily basis.\u00a0 That really is what you are talking about it, isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 If I could only say one thing and then this is the only thing I would be remembered for in our ministry, it would be that there is a bigger story for every family, and every church, and every individual that sometimes when we create the wrong kind of pictures, we interfere with.\u00a0 I got \u201cThe Stock Family Syndrome\u201d idea from riding down the road one day.\u00a0 I saw a church billboard with this perfect family up on the billboard.\u00a0 It just looked great.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Cheesy grins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re a family-friendly church.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Are there candles burning?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I thought, \u201cIf I\u2019m a family riding down the road, knowing the mess and the baggage that exists sometimes in my family, and I look at that ideal picture, that could keep me from going to that church.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, I think, \u201cI can\u2019t live up to that so I\u2019m not sure how to get there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yearsago, I actually was involved with another national organization helping them in a creative meeting.\u00a0 We were talking about the solution for families in our country.\u00a0 The facilitator of the meeting wrote up on the screen or the board this phrase, \u201cFully-equipped man of God\u201d taken right out of the New Testament.\u00a0 He said, \u201cOur goal should be to get every man to become a fully-equipped man of God.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m sitting in that creative meeting; I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m bothered by this.\u00a0 I don\u2019t really know why; but I am looking at the phrase, \u2018Fully-equipped man of God,\u2019 and I\u2019m thinking, \u2018I\u2019ve got middle school kids at this time and I don\u2019t think I have time to become that before I can lead them.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, I don\u2019t remember my wife ever using the phrase \u2018Fully-equipped man of God\u2019 and my name in the same sentence.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I am thinking, \u201cIf we are trying to get every man to become that, then we are going to frustrate an entire generation of people who are looking at that picture and whatever lists we attach to that picture and they are going to think, \u2018We can\u2019t be that.\u00a0 It is going to take us time to become that.\u00a0 While we are trying to become that, our kids are going to grow up and walk away.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we really have understood over the last few years is that there is this wide spectrum of faith\u2014that parents are all over the map in.\u00a0 If we give them a picture that is unrealistic for them, we will basically shut them down and cause them to have less hope than more hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what I decided several years ago after working with a number of different families on this idea of, \u201cIs there a better picture or a bigger story?\u201d\u00a0 It is this:\u00a0 God is not interested in using perfect pictures.\u00a0 God is interested in using broken people.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRegardless of your baggage as a dad, or your baggage as a mom, or regardless of what family situation you came from, God has a desire to use you in a bigger story right now as a platform to demonstrate His message of restoration and redemption.\u00a0 The wrong picture doesn\u2019t give us that kind of focus.\u00a0 A bigger story gives us that kind of focus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The problem is, Reggie, because we have families\u2014you have one.\u00a0 We can look at the picture today\u2014what it looks like\u2014and that can be very discouraging.\u00a0 We can forget that there is a bigger story of God at work in this family.\u00a0 I want to say, \u201cThe older I get, the more the big picture story of what God is up to resonates in my heart because God takes broken, depraved, selfish human beings who are bent on their own way and redeems them, and gives them a message and puts them on a playing field for Him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have so many families who come up to me after we talk about the difference in having a bigger-story approach than a better-picture approach.\u00a0 They say things like\u2014a mother the other day said this to me, \u201cI\u2019ve got to go home and let my family off the hook.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cI have been trying to conform them into the image of my picture of what a family should look like for years.\u00a0 I have to go home and apologize.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have had dads who have come up to me and have said, \u201cYou know what, I just assumed because my picture of a family didn\u2019t become or didn\u2019t turn out the way I wanted it to turn out, that I could never be a better father.\u00a0 I just kind of leaned into that dysfunction and thought, \u2018I can\u2019t change.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there is so much disillusionment we get from a better-picture approach than a bigger-story approach.\u00a0 You are right, the bigger-story approach gives us hope; it gives us energy.\u00a0 Yesterday we talked a little bit about people dropping out of faith.\u00a0 That is because sometimes we have invited them into an ideal they can\u2019t live up to instead of a story that is ongoing and never-ending that is always about redemption and restoration, regardless of what happens.\u00a0 You invite them into the story, there adventure there, there is risk there, there is romance there in a way we can\u2019t even imagine or talk about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And there is failure there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There has to be failure\u2014if there isn\u2019t failure, then we don\u2019t understand the love and the grace of God in the way that we understand it.\u00a0 It is all a part of the story.\u00a0 I think, in our churches, we are notorious, even in our books and what we do, we are notorious for giving a world lists that they have to live up to instead of inviting them into a story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure.\u00a0 You know, Reggie, I am nodding my head, \u201cThat\u2019s right; that\u2019s right.\u201d\u00a0 I am saying, \u201cGet off my soapbox.\u00a0 This is usually reserved for me to get on my soapbox here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is just because we are both old now.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not that old!\u00a0 I think a question could be asked at this point, \u201cWhat is the big story all about?\u00a0 Why does the family exist?\u201d\u00a0 I know you believe the same thing we do.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t about existing for self.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is about a capital B capital S:\u00a0 Big Story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 It is.\u00a0 The Story is the story of God showing up in your world and my world and redeeming us to Himself.\u00a0 At the end of the day, the most powerful thing that can happen in our families and our churches is that we are living demonstrations of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo one in my family or your family ever planned in their picture for someone to get abused or for someone to get cancer, or for someone to get divorced, or for all of these things that can somehow come out of nowhere from life to happen.\u00a0 But when they do happen, there is a very real God sitting on the sidelines saying, \u201cI want to be a part of your life.\u00a0 I want to restore and redeem in a way that only I can.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe best thing we can do as Christian families, and the best thing we can do as the Christian church, is to be authentic enough in our failure and our brokenness so the world outside of us that is broken can see God show up.\u00a0 If God can show up in our world in that way then maybe God can do something for them.\u00a0 Instead of holding up our pictures and saying, \u201cThis is the way you need to try to become,\u201d\u2014a Christian or church\u2014we let them into our authentic story and see what God is doing.\u00a0 One way it kind of points to us; the other way, it points to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You just said the reason a family exists\u2014again it is a very religious term\u2014but it is to glorify God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>To show God off.\u00a0 It is to reflect Who He is\u2014what His love is like\u2014what His forgiveness is like\u2014what His mercy is like\u2014to a world that doesn\u2019t know Him.\u00a0 Now, I want to go back to the billboard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So what kind of picture do you want on the billboard?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me just say, \u201cThose people you saw on that billboard\u2014they are not even related to one another.\u00a0 They are models.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are right. It is a stock family.\u00a0 If they were related to each other, the picture wouldn\u2019t tell the story.\u00a0 I mean, the father probably has his own issues related to he is a pharmaceutical rep and he is hooked on Ambien,\u00a0 The mother\u2014she is in debt up to her eyes; but they are smiling.\u00a0 The little son\u2014he is ADHD.\u00a0 There are all these issues going on, but they don\u2019t show up in the picture.\u00a0 Pictures create an illusion that is not real.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think everybody who has listened to us talk today celebrates the idea of God doing a redemptive work in the lives of individuals.\u00a0 Wait a second, \u201cI don\u2019t want my teenager to go out and start getting drunk and using marijuana so that God can do a redemptive work in my teenager\u2019s life.\u00a0 I would rather have him grow up to be a good, godly kid who quotes Bible verses and never goes down that path.\u201d\u00a0 You don\u2019t want that for your kids do you?\u00a0 Do you want them out there in the ditch?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know what, no father and no mother wants their kid to endure that kind of pain.\u00a0 No father and no mother wants their children to have to go through those circumstances and situations; but I think as a younger parent, I made the mistake of thinking my job was to protect them so that they could be happy.\u00a0 My job was to insulate them so that they could be happy.\u00a0 Somehow I bought into this myth that as a parent, my greatest dream in life was just for my kids to be happy when there is something so far greater than their happiness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is for them to be fully alive and for them to be engaged in a story that God has designed them to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember there was a point in my life when one of my daughters went through something horrific.\u00a0 I was struggling with it.\u00a0 I walked into the office.\u00a0 I looked at every book that had been written about parenting.\u00a0 I was trying to figure out, \u201cWhat do I do with this and how do I fix this?\u00a0 What is the solution for this?\u201d\u00a0 It was almost as if I was trying to be God in her life in that moment.\u00a0 I don\u2019t hear God speak audibly, but that day I sat down at the desk and I wrote this down because it was like God was saying this to me about my daughter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is just what I wrote down.\u00a0 \u201cI am not trying to make them happy.\u00a0 I want them to really live.\u00a0 In the middle of their pain, I can be a better friend than anyone\u2014even you.\u00a0 I am the only one who can love them unconditionally, forgive them forever, and be a perfect Father.\u00a0 Maybe you just need to trust Me enough so they can see Me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBesides, with all your issues, I think it is probably better for them to trust Me more than they trust you.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it more important for them to love Me more than they love you?\u00a0 I can heal their hearts; you can\u2019t.\u00a0 I can give them eternal life; you can\u2019t.\u00a0 I am God; you are not.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe most powerful thing that any parent can do, even if it involves risk, let their kids step out into the world and experience God in a way where God can prove to them that He is their perfect Father.\u00a0 A hundred years from now, two hundred years from now, it is not going to matter that I was the best possible father they could ever have.\u00a0 What is going to matter is their relationship with their heavenly Father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The problem, Reggie, I am just speaking from my own life\u2014not somebody else\u2014this is not theory.\u00a0 This has been my experience.\u00a0 Someone has described a child as the parent\u2019s heart walking around outside their body.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow.\u00a0 That is powerful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You get the news of the story of how your child is not doing well\u2014not merely in a point in time\u2014but it becomes a story\u2014a series of pictures.\u00a0 At that moment, as a parent, it is so easy to absorb how they are not doing well into your own failures of how you didn\u2019t do this; you ought to have done that; you didn\u2019t pray enough; you didn\u2019t read the Bible enough; you weren\u2019t Christ-like enough.\u00a0 There, undoubtedly, is a parent right now listening to our broadcast who is right there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the best thing we can do, before we close the broadcast today, is to ask you to pray for that parent because they haven\u2019t had the \u201cAh ha\u201d moment that you wrote about in your book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the hope:\u00a0 Christianity is about an empty tomb.\u00a0 Christ is alive!\u00a0 He isn\u2019t dead.\u00a0 He is capable of meeting us in our own journey\u2014in our own mess\u2014and He has.\u00a0 I want you to come back in a moment though and pray for that parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I will do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And Bob, I want you to share how a parent, a youth pastor, a pastor, an aunt, or an uncle or grandparent could get a copy of what Reggie has written here because what needs to happen is:\u00a0 parents need to huddle up around this and virally infect one another with this concept of community and Christian family and replace perhaps some of these phantom pictures of families with a more authentic biblical picture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 We have been talking today about how churches and families can work together in raising the next generation to love Christ.\u00a0 I think what you are hearing us talk about today is the need to re-calibrate the picture of what following Jesus looks like because it gets distorted in some settings.\u00a0 Reggie, you address that very well in your book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage parents to get a copy of the book.\u00a0 It is called <em>Parenting Beyond Your Capacity<\/em>.\u00a0 It talks about the need for churches and families to come together in a coordinated way to have an impact in the lives of our sons and our daughters.\u00a0 We have copies of the book <em>Parenting Beyond Your Capacity<\/em> in our FamilyLife TodayResource Center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get a copy of the book or you can call us toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY (1-800-358-6329).\u00a0 That is 1-800-F as in \u201cFamily,\u201d L as in \u201cLife,\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Ask for Reggie Joiner\u2019s book <em>Parenting Beyond Your Capacity<\/em>.\u00a0 We will make arrangements to send it to you; or, again, simply order it online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are grateful whenever we hear from listeners.\u00a0 We get emails and phone calls regularly from many of you who listen to the program with thoughts about what you have heard.\u00a0 Sometimes your thoughts are corrective; sometimes you suggest that maybe we should look at things from a different perspective.\u00a0 We appreciate that.\u00a0 Some of you write and tell us what God is doing in your life through this program, and that is a great encouragement to us and to our team.\u00a0 We appreciate any time you get in touch with us.\u00a0 I just wanted to let you know how encouraging that is for our staff.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose times when you are able to include a donation when you contact us, that is a great encouragement as well because the costs associated with producing and syndicating this radio program are covered by listeners who donate, who make contributions to help support us.\u00a0 That is what keeps us on this station and our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, if you can help us with a donation, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a four-CD set just in time for Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 There is a message in the CD series from Dennis that he calls <em>Romance in the Rain:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>How to Keep the Spark Going When You Are in the Rainy Season<\/em> in your marriage.\u00a0 Then three CD\u2019s that feature conversations we had with Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, the authors of a book called <em>Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Women Ask About Romance and Passion and Intimacy in Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would love to send you this four-CD series when you make a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this week.\u00a0 If you are donating online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type the word, \u201cROMANCE,\u201d in the online key code box.\u00a0 If you call 1-800-FLTODAY to make your donation, just ask for the Romance CD\u2019s.\u00a0 Again, they are our gift to you; and we do appreciate your partnership with us and your support of this ministry.\u00a0 It is always great to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as we have talked today about raising the next generation and how churches and families can work together in that process, Dennis, you asked our guest Reggie Joiner if he would pray for our listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I just mentioned, Reggie, I would like you to pray for those parents who are defeated\u2014they are discouraged\u2014disillusioned\u2014want to give up on a child\u2014on themselves\u2014and just need God to intersect their lives.\u00a0 Would you do that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ll do that.\u00a0 \u201cHeavenly Father, I pray for every parent, every grandparent who might be listening to this today.\u00a0 Parenting has a way of reminding us how imperfect we are.\u00a0 In the middle of that sense of imperfection, guilt, and just helplessness, sometimes we feel\u2014we will recognize that You didn\u2019t design us to be a perfect father\u2014that You are the One Who is the perfect Heavenly Father and that we would just be reminded today that You have this desire for us to understand Your unconditional love\u2014to use our stories as parents\u2014our stories as families as a platform to demonstrate to us and to our children and to the generations who come after us Your story of restoration and redemption.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cFather, even in a greater sense than that, the families outside of our families\u2014the families that are outside of our churches\u2014that You have a desire to take what has happened to us\u2014to take the pain, the difficulty, the circumstances\u2014to weave it into a part of Your Story so that everyone who is looking on can see that You really are Who You say You are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGod, I pray for anyone who is listening today who, in the privacy in their own life and world, struggles with things they just feel they weren\u2019t able to do and accomplish according to some picture they had\u2014that they would just relax and invite You back into their story to do the work that only You can do in their life and to just remember that You are a God who will take all of this, knit it together for a purpose and a plan for Your glory and Kingdom.\u00a0 In Jesus\u2019 name; Amen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.05M"],"filesize_raw":["27314564"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302203.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302203.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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else is influencing your child's spiritually?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-02-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 When bad things happen to you and your family\u2014things aren\u2019t going well, do you have a tendency to try to cover it up or gloss over it?\u00a0 Reggie Joiner says it is time for us to be honest, transparent, and authentic with each other.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No one in my family or your family ever planned in their picture for someone to get abused, or for someone to get cancer, or for someone to get divorced, or for all of these things that can somehow come out of nowhere from life to happen.\u00a0 But when they do happen, the best thing we can do as Christian families, and the best thing we can do as the Christian church, is to be authentic enough in our failure and our brokenness so the world outside of us that is broken can see God show up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, February 1<sup>st<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about the role the church, and particularly the youth ministry, can play in helping families through some of the really challenging times all of us face.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I must see if I can get you into some trouble right here at the beginning of today\u2019s program, okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Go for it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m just going to launch... \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Listen, the guest said that!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 He is egging you on...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He said, \u201cGo for it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Here...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He has only been on one broadcast\u2014he is already kind of...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Parents come to you, and they have a freshman in high school.\u00a0 They say, \u201cWe are trying to decide whether we should let our freshman son go to the youth group at church.\u00a0 You know.\u00a0 We are just not sure whether we should send him to the youth group.\u00a0 I mean...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why is that an issue?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Well, because\u2014you know\u2014pizza and volleyball.\u00a0 We are just not sure they embrace the values\u2014we heard about this youth pastor last year.\u00a0 Did you hear about what he did?\u00a0 He showed them a movie that we would not show our kids.\u00a0 He showed the whole youth group a movie that we would not show...\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I wonder if our guest on today\u2019s broadcast can answer that.\u00a0 He was a youth pastor for ten years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to hear your advice to this mom and dad?\u00a0 You raised six kids.\u00a0 Did your kids go to the youth group?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 They went, but it was not mindless.\u00a0 Bottom line\u2014we wanted our children to have all the godly influences they could have in their lives.\u00a0 This was not the only one, but this was an important one because, frankly, our youth group, overall, was headed in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But you know there are some parents who are going, \u201cI am not\u2014the youth group is the wrong environment.\u00a0 It is peer relationships.\u00a0 Kids are sneaking off and making out.\u00a0 We are just not going to send out...\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy are you laughing?\u00a0 Have you heard some of this before?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure!\u00a0 I have heard all of this before.\u00a0 You know, at the end of the day, the problem is a parent who is too \u201cinsulational\u201d or \u201cisolational\u201d with their kids will end up pushing their kids further into something that they shouldn\u2019t go into.\u00a0 At the end of the day, you really have to ask yourself some hard questions about, \u201cAm I trying to protect my kids or am I trying to launch my kids?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUltimately, I think, we are called to send our children into a world and into a culture to penetrate that culture\u2014to take the message of Christ into culture.\u00a0 If we won\u2019t let them go to the youth group, then I am not sure how they are ever going to be equipped to do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>See.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have to get in trouble.\u00a0 We just let the guest do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let him do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe voice you just heard is that of Reggie Joiner who had how many years in youth ministry?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was a youth pastor for almost 15 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you know a little bit about what is going on there.\u00a0 He has written a book called <em>Parenting Beyond Your Capacity:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Connect Your Family to a Wider Community<\/em>.\u00a0 What you are really talking about here, Reggie, is how a parent really doesn\u2019t see himself or herself as a team as being sufficient to do it by themselves.\u00a0 You are saying they need all the help they can get from the spiritual community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 The two balancing truths that we have to keep in focus create a tension that is a necessary tension for us to live in.\u00a0 One truth is that no one has the potential to influence a son or a daughter like a parent.\u00a0 The second is:\u00a0 A parent is not the only influence a child needs.\u00a0 It takes both.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So the parent who says, \u201cAlright, I\u2019m just not sure I want the 27-year-old youth pastor who has been married for two years\u2014doesn\u2019t have any kids...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Who may be only marginally more mature than the teenager...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One step ahead of the hounds.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not sure I want him to be that other influence in my son or daughter\u2019s life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But how many of us can think of people when we were 19, 18, or 17, that were 26 and 27 who inspired us, who influenced us, who motivated us in our faith.\u00a0 I think it takes a variety of adults in a son or daughter\u2019s life to influence them in the right direction.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, over and over and over again, we are going to say, \u201cIt is the family and it is the church working in sync together.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that doesn\u2019t mean that every family has their act together\u2014like all Christian leaders have their act together in the church\u2014because when we really get honest about it, the fact is there is as much dysfunction in the leaders of the church as there are parents in the family.\u00a0 But God likes to work through dysfunction.\u00a0 God loves to use that as a platform to demonstrate grace, forgiveness, all kinds of issues.\u00a0 At the end of the day, we can\u2019t argue with this, God chose the church\u2014God chose the family to nurture faith in the heart and life of an individual.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Reggie, if we got out of the studio and walked a few feet back into my office, after we kind of cleaned off my desk so you could see the picture, there is a picture of my family back there\u2014all 16 grandkids, all 13 adults.\u00a0 It is a wide-angled shot.\u00a0 It is a Christmas picture that I had blown up.\u00a0 I like to say when I show people that picture, \u201cYou can Photoshop a picture, but you can\u2019t Photoshop a family. \u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have a concept in your book called \u201cThe Stock Family Syndrome.\u201d\u00a0 I really like this because it is what I am saying when I am saying, \u201cYou know what, we are a family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are human beings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know what, we are not perfect.\u00a0 Yes, I am on the radio here and so is Bob; but I am going to tell you something.\u00a0 That does not make us have perfect families because we are human beings who all are in desperate need of a Savior and of being, not only redeemed with God, but also being saved from themselves on a daily basis.\u00a0 That really is what you are talking about it, isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 If I could only say one thing and then this is the only thing I would be remembered for in our ministry, it would be that there is a bigger story for every family, and every church, and every individual that sometimes when we create the wrong kind of pictures, we interfere with.\u00a0 I got \u201cThe Stock Family Syndrome\u201d idea from riding down the road one day.\u00a0 I saw a church billboard with this perfect family up on the billboard.\u00a0 It just looked great.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Cheesy grins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re a family-friendly church.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Are there candles burning?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I thought, \u201cIf I\u2019m a family riding down the road, knowing the mess and the baggage that exists sometimes in my family, and I look at that ideal picture, that could keep me from going to that church.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, I think, \u201cI can\u2019t live up to that so I\u2019m not sure how to get there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yearsago, I actually was involved with another national organization helping them in a creative meeting.\u00a0 We were talking about the solution for families in our country.\u00a0 The facilitator of the meeting wrote up on the screen or the board this phrase, \u201cFully-equipped man of God\u201d taken right out of the New Testament.\u00a0 He said, \u201cOur goal should be to get every man to become a fully-equipped man of God.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m sitting in that creative meeting; I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m bothered by this.\u00a0 I don\u2019t really know why; but I am looking at the phrase, \u2018Fully-equipped man of God,\u2019 and I\u2019m thinking, \u2018I\u2019ve got middle school kids at this time and I don\u2019t think I have time to become that before I can lead them.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, I don\u2019t remember my wife ever using the phrase \u2018Fully-equipped man of God\u2019 and my name in the same sentence.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I am thinking, \u201cIf we are trying to get every man to become that, then we are going to frustrate an entire generation of people who are looking at that picture and whatever lists we attach to that picture and they are going to think, \u2018We can\u2019t be that.\u00a0 It is going to take us time to become that.\u00a0 While we are trying to become that, our kids are going to grow up and walk away.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we really have understood over the last few years is that there is this wide spectrum of faith\u2014that parents are all over the map in.\u00a0 If we give them a picture that is unrealistic for them, we will basically shut them down and cause them to have less hope than more hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what I decided several years ago after working with a number of different families on this idea of, \u201cIs there a better picture or a bigger story?\u201d\u00a0 It is this:\u00a0 God is not interested in using perfect pictures.\u00a0 God is interested in using broken people.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRegardless of your baggage as a dad, or your baggage as a mom, or regardless of what family situation you came from, God has a desire to use you in a bigger story right now as a platform to demonstrate His message of restoration and redemption.\u00a0 The wrong picture doesn\u2019t give us that kind of focus.\u00a0 A bigger story gives us that kind of focus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The problem is, Reggie, because we have families\u2014you have one.\u00a0 We can look at the picture today\u2014what it looks like\u2014and that can be very discouraging.\u00a0 We can forget that there is a bigger story of God at work in this family.\u00a0 I want to say, \u201cThe older I get, the more the big picture story of what God is up to resonates in my heart because God takes broken, depraved, selfish human beings who are bent on their own way and redeems them, and gives them a message and puts them on a playing field for Him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have so many families who come up to me after we talk about the difference in having a bigger-story approach than a better-picture approach.\u00a0 They say things like\u2014a mother the other day said this to me, \u201cI\u2019ve got to go home and let my family off the hook.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cI have been trying to conform them into the image of my picture of what a family should look like for years.\u00a0 I have to go home and apologize.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have had dads who have come up to me and have said, \u201cYou know what, I just assumed because my picture of a family didn\u2019t become or didn\u2019t turn out the way I wanted it to turn out, that I could never be a better father.\u00a0 I just kind of leaned into that dysfunction and thought, \u2018I can\u2019t change.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there is so much disillusionment we get from a better-picture approach than a bigger-story approach.\u00a0 You are right, the bigger-story approach gives us hope; it gives us energy.\u00a0 Yesterday we talked a little bit about people dropping out of faith.\u00a0 That is because sometimes we have invited them into an ideal they can\u2019t live up to instead of a story that is ongoing and never-ending that is always about redemption and restoration, regardless of what happens.\u00a0 You invite them into the story, there adventure there, there is risk there, there is romance there in a way we can\u2019t even imagine or talk about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And there is failure there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There has to be failure\u2014if there isn\u2019t failure, then we don\u2019t understand the love and the grace of God in the way that we understand it.\u00a0 It is all a part of the story.\u00a0 I think, in our churches, we are notorious, even in our books and what we do, we are notorious for giving a world lists that they have to live up to instead of inviting them into a story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure.\u00a0 You know, Reggie, I am nodding my head, \u201cThat\u2019s right; that\u2019s right.\u201d\u00a0 I am saying, \u201cGet off my soapbox.\u00a0 This is usually reserved for me to get on my soapbox here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is just because we are both old now.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not that old!\u00a0 I think a question could be asked at this point, \u201cWhat is the big story all about?\u00a0 Why does the family exist?\u201d\u00a0 I know you believe the same thing we do.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t about existing for self.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is about a capital B capital S:\u00a0 Big Story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 It is.\u00a0 The Story is the story of God showing up in your world and my world and redeeming us to Himself.\u00a0 At the end of the day, the most powerful thing that can happen in our families and our churches is that we are living demonstrations of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo one in my family or your family ever planned in their picture for someone to get abused or for someone to get cancer, or for someone to get divorced, or for all of these things that can somehow come out of nowhere from life to happen.\u00a0 But when they do happen, there is a very real God sitting on the sidelines saying, \u201cI want to be a part of your life.\u00a0 I want to restore and redeem in a way that only I can.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe best thing we can do as Christian families, and the best thing we can do as the Christian church, is to be authentic enough in our failure and our brokenness so the world outside of us that is broken can see God show up.\u00a0 If God can show up in our world in that way then maybe God can do something for them.\u00a0 Instead of holding up our pictures and saying, \u201cThis is the way you need to try to become,\u201d\u2014a Christian or church\u2014we let them into our authentic story and see what God is doing.\u00a0 One way it kind of points to us; the other way, it points to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You just said the reason a family exists\u2014again it is a very religious term\u2014but it is to glorify God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>To show God off.\u00a0 It is to reflect Who He is\u2014what His love is like\u2014what His forgiveness is like\u2014what His mercy is like\u2014to a world that doesn\u2019t know Him.\u00a0 Now, I want to go back to the billboard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So what kind of picture do you want on the billboard?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me just say, \u201cThose people you saw on that billboard\u2014they are not even related to one another.\u00a0 They are models.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are right. It is a stock family.\u00a0 If they were related to each other, the picture wouldn\u2019t tell the story.\u00a0 I mean, the father probably has his own issues related to he is a pharmaceutical rep and he is hooked on Ambien,\u00a0 The mother\u2014she is in debt up to her eyes; but they are smiling.\u00a0 The little son\u2014he is ADHD.\u00a0 There are all these issues going on, but they don\u2019t show up in the picture.\u00a0 Pictures create an illusion that is not real.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think everybody who has listened to us talk today celebrates the idea of God doing a redemptive work in the lives of individuals.\u00a0 Wait a second, \u201cI don\u2019t want my teenager to go out and start getting drunk and using marijuana so that God can do a redemptive work in my teenager\u2019s life.\u00a0 I would rather have him grow up to be a good, godly kid who quotes Bible verses and never goes down that path.\u201d\u00a0 You don\u2019t want that for your kids do you?\u00a0 Do you want them out there in the ditch?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know what, no father and no mother wants their kid to endure that kind of pain.\u00a0 No father and no mother wants their children to have to go through those circumstances and situations; but I think as a younger parent, I made the mistake of thinking my job was to protect them so that they could be happy.\u00a0 My job was to insulate them so that they could be happy.\u00a0 Somehow I bought into this myth that as a parent, my greatest dream in life was just for my kids to be happy when there is something so far greater than their happiness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is for them to be fully alive and for them to be engaged in a story that God has designed them to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember there was a point in my life when one of my daughters went through something horrific.\u00a0 I was struggling with it.\u00a0 I walked into the office.\u00a0 I looked at every book that had been written about parenting.\u00a0 I was trying to figure out, \u201cWhat do I do with this and how do I fix this?\u00a0 What is the solution for this?\u201d\u00a0 It was almost as if I was trying to be God in her life in that moment.\u00a0 I don\u2019t hear God speak audibly, but that day I sat down at the desk and I wrote this down because it was like God was saying this to me about my daughter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is just what I wrote down.\u00a0 \u201cI am not trying to make them happy.\u00a0 I want them to really live.\u00a0 In the middle of their pain, I can be a better friend than anyone\u2014even you.\u00a0 I am the only one who can love them unconditionally, forgive them forever, and be a perfect Father.\u00a0 Maybe you just need to trust Me enough so they can see Me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBesides, with all your issues, I think it is probably better for them to trust Me more than they trust you.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it more important for them to love Me more than they love you?\u00a0 I can heal their hearts; you can\u2019t.\u00a0 I can give them eternal life; you can\u2019t.\u00a0 I am God; you are not.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe most powerful thing that any parent can do, even if it involves risk, let their kids step out into the world and experience God in a way where God can prove to them that He is their perfect Father.\u00a0 A hundred years from now, two hundred years from now, it is not going to matter that I was the best possible father they could ever have.\u00a0 What is going to matter is their relationship with their heavenly Father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The problem, Reggie, I am just speaking from my own life\u2014not somebody else\u2014this is not theory.\u00a0 This has been my experience.\u00a0 Someone has described a child as the parent\u2019s heart walking around outside their body.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow.\u00a0 That is powerful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You get the news of the story of how your child is not doing well\u2014not merely in a point in time\u2014but it becomes a story\u2014a series of pictures.\u00a0 At that moment, as a parent, it is so easy to absorb how they are not doing well into your own failures of how you didn\u2019t do this; you ought to have done that; you didn\u2019t pray enough; you didn\u2019t read the Bible enough; you weren\u2019t Christ-like enough.\u00a0 There, undoubtedly, is a parent right now listening to our broadcast who is right there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the best thing we can do, before we close the broadcast today, is to ask you to pray for that parent because they haven\u2019t had the \u201cAh ha\u201d moment that you wrote about in your book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the hope:\u00a0 Christianity is about an empty tomb.\u00a0 Christ is alive!\u00a0 He isn\u2019t dead.\u00a0 He is capable of meeting us in our own journey\u2014in our own mess\u2014and He has.\u00a0 I want you to come back in a moment though and pray for that parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I will do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And Bob, I want you to share how a parent, a youth pastor, a pastor, an aunt, or an uncle or grandparent could get a copy of what Reggie has written here because what needs to happen is:\u00a0 parents need to huddle up around this and virally infect one another with this concept of community and Christian family and replace perhaps some of these phantom pictures of families with a more authentic biblical picture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 We have been talking today about how churches and families can work together in raising the next generation to love Christ.\u00a0 I think what you are hearing us talk about today is the need to re-calibrate the picture of what following Jesus looks like because it gets distorted in some settings.\u00a0 Reggie, you address that very well in your book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage parents to get a copy of the book.\u00a0 It is called <em>Parenting Beyond Your Capacity<\/em>.\u00a0 It talks about the need for churches and families to come together in a coordinated way to have an impact in the lives of our sons and our daughters.\u00a0 We have copies of the book <em>Parenting Beyond Your Capacity<\/em> in our FamilyLife TodayResource Center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get a copy of the book or you can call us toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY (1-800-358-6329).\u00a0 That is 1-800-F as in \u201cFamily,\u201d L as in \u201cLife,\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Ask for Reggie Joiner\u2019s book <em>Parenting Beyond Your Capacity<\/em>.\u00a0 We will make arrangements to send it to you; or, again, simply order it online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are grateful whenever we hear from listeners.\u00a0 We get emails and phone calls regularly from many of you who listen to the program with thoughts about what you have heard.\u00a0 Sometimes your thoughts are corrective; sometimes you suggest that maybe we should look at things from a different perspective.\u00a0 We appreciate that.\u00a0 Some of you write and tell us what God is doing in your life through this program, and that is a great encouragement to us and to our team.\u00a0 We appreciate any time you get in touch with us.\u00a0 I just wanted to let you know how encouraging that is for our staff.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose times when you are able to include a donation when you contact us, that is a great encouragement as well because the costs associated with producing and syndicating this radio program are covered by listeners who donate, who make contributions to help support us.\u00a0 That is what keeps us on this station and our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, if you can help us with a donation, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a four-CD set just in time for Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 There is a message in the CD series from Dennis that he calls <em>Romance in the Rain:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>How to Keep the Spark Going When You Are in the Rainy Season<\/em> in your marriage.\u00a0 Then three CD\u2019s that feature conversations we had with Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, the authors of a book called <em>Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Women Ask About Romance and Passion and Intimacy in Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would love to send you this four-CD series when you make a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this week.\u00a0 If you are donating online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type the word, \u201cROMANCE,\u201d in the online key code box.\u00a0 If you call 1-800-FLTODAY to make your donation, just ask for the Romance CD\u2019s.\u00a0 Again, they are our gift to you; and we do appreciate your partnership with us and your support of this ministry.\u00a0 It is always great to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as we have talked today about raising the next generation and how churches and families can work together in that process, Dennis, you asked our guest Reggie Joiner if he would pray for our listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I just mentioned, Reggie, I would like you to pray for those parents who are defeated\u2014they are discouraged\u2014disillusioned\u2014want to give up on a child\u2014on themselves\u2014and just need God to intersect their lives.\u00a0 Would you do that?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Reggie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ll do that.\u00a0 \u201cHeavenly Father, I pray for every parent, every grandparent who might be listening to this today.\u00a0 Parenting has a way of reminding us how imperfect we are.\u00a0 In the middle of that sense of imperfection, guilt, and just helplessness, sometimes we feel\u2014we will recognize that You didn\u2019t design us to be a perfect father\u2014that You are the One Who is the perfect Heavenly Father and that we would just be reminded today that You have this desire for us to understand Your unconditional love\u2014to use our stories as parents\u2014our stories as families as a platform to demonstrate to us and to our children and to the generations who come after us Your story of restoration and redemption.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cFather, even in a greater sense than that, the families outside of our families\u2014the families that are outside of our churches\u2014that You have a desire to take what has happened to us\u2014to take the pain, the difficulty, the circumstances\u2014to weave it into a part of Your Story so that everyone who is looking on can see that You really are Who You say You are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGod, I pray for anyone who is listening today who, in the privacy in their own life and world, struggles with things they just feel they weren\u2019t able to do and accomplish according to some picture they had\u2014that they would just relax and invite You back into their story to do the work that only You can do in their life and to just remember that You are a God who will take all of this, knit it together for a purpose and a plan for Your glory and Kingdom.\u00a0 In Jesus\u2019 name; Amen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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