{"id":302190,"date":"2011-01-06T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-01-06T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-raineys-answer-your-questions-about-parenting\/"},"modified":"2011-01-06T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-01-06T17:00:00","slug":"the-raineys-answer-your-questions-about-parenting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-raineys-answer-your-questions-about-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"The Raineys Answer Your Questions About Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Raineys Answer Your Questions About Marriage and Parenting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-01-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"31.1M","filesize_raw":"32609131","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3051],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302190","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","tag-kids","tag-parenting","cwp_profile-dennis-and-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302190\/the-raineys-answer-your-questions-about-parenting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302190\/the-raineys-answer-your-questions-about-parenting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"hJeGrjVYHK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-raineys-answer-your-questions-about-parenting\/\">The Raineys Answer Your Questions About Parenting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-raineys-answer-your-questions-about-parenting\/embed\/#?secret=hJeGrjVYHK\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Raineys Answer Your Questions About Parenting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"hJeGrjVYHK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-01-06.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-01-06.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now you know this, but it doesn\u2019t hurt to say it again.\u00a0 When it comes to romance, men and women are very different.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dennis Rainey:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Men and women spell romance with different words.\u00a0 Women spell romance how, men?\u00a0 Don\u2019t look at me like that guys.\u00a0 (Audience laughs)\u00a0 They want relational intimacy.\u00a0 Now ladies, how do men spell romance?\u00a0 Sex.\u00a0 Now why is it you knew the answer to that . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The women, yeah, kind of jumped right all over that one, didn\u2019t you ladies? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . . and the men.\u00a0 Yeah . . .\u00a0 Barbara said the guys are slow learners \u2013 is that it?\u00a0 (Audience laughter)\u00a0 Well, we are slow learners, but the point is God made us like this.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 You did not have to laugh out loud.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> for Thursday, January 6<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019ll spend some time today talking about the sometimes challenging, sometimes delightful differences between men and women when it comes to romance.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 Do you remember that night?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do. I do.\u00a0 Brings back some memories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was a fun night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Those guys just had a big question mark on their face.\u00a0 \u201cWould you give me a hint?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \u201cWoman, I\u2019m still trying to. . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cCan I call someone?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cPhone a friend?\u00a0 I need a lifeline here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we are going to hear today some interaction that took place.\u00a0 We had, I guess \u2013 I don\u2019t know, three or four hundred people who came out for an evening \u2013 a little marriage refresher, some questions and answers that took place.\u00a0 This all happened in Seattle, and it was a couple of years ago that we were up there for this event, but it was a great evening with <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, talking about marriage.\u00a0 We talked a little bit about parenting, but most of what we focused in on was how to keep your marriage healthy and fresh and pointed in the right direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no, no, no.\u00a0 We were talking about how to keep romance alive and sexual intimacy occurring in your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a big . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You kind of beat around the bush on that, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a big part of what we did talk about . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As we were up there that evening.\u00a0 And really it\u2019s a big part of what we\u2019re focused on here in the new year.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking about the video series that is getting ready to premiere five weeks from now.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 There are hundreds of locations that have signed up all around the country that are going to be hosting a Friday night and Saturday event for couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s hosted by individual couples or an individual person who said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I\u2019ve had enough of the breakdown of marriage and family today in my community, and I want to do something.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what Bob Lepine did, was he created a six-session video experience where you can have this delivered to your church or to a place where you want to host this.\u00a0 I know some that are actually holding these events in lake houses and in basements and in their neighborhoods, on their flat screen TV, inviting friends over, and kind of making it a weekend to learn about marriage and family.\u00a0 And you\u2019re going to learn about communication, about conflict, about the husband\u2019s role, how a wife can fulfill her job description and responsibilities, about legacy and about what we just talked about here \u2013 sexual intimacy and romance in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me just point out, if you want to attend one of these <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> events, you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and look on our website.\u00a0 You type in your zip code; we\u2019ll tell you where there is one being hosted near where you live.\u00a0 And if there\u2019s not one being hosted near where you live, you can still host one.\u00a0 There is still time to pull it off \u2013 to get the DVDs and the manuals together.\u00a0 You probably want to have at least four or five couples getting together, so it\u2019s not just you and your spouse.\u00a0 You want to invite a few other folks to come along.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 By the way, you can go online to theartofmarriage.com and you can click on the \u2013 it\u2019s like a movie trailer \u2013 and you can see in three-and-a-half minutes that this is a fresh, edgy approach, meant to reach this generation with practical, biblical resources that are going to strengthen their marriage and family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Make sure you go to <u>the<\/u>artofmarriage.com \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- in order to see the trailer and to find out where the events are being held near where you live.\u00a0 As you said, we tackle all kinds of subjects in this video event.\u00a0 One of them that we tackle is the subject of romance and intimacy, which is the same subject that we were tackling when we got together with listeners up in the Pacific Northwest a few years back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and Barbara and I had a chance to interact with listeners about romance and passion in marriage \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mm hmm.\u00a0 We did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What makes it work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The audience was pretty lively, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They were.\u00a0 In fact, let\u2019s listen to some of the conversation that took place that night, and I think it will be helpful for all of us to get a refresher in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Well, hey, it\u2019s great to be in Seattle, in the Pacific Northwest.\u00a0 We\u2019ve really looked forward to coming up here because of the Cheesecake Factory and for other reasons, too.\u00a0 Some people want to visit every major league ballpark in America, and I think that\u2019s fine, but I\u2019m thinking \u2013 You\u2019ve seen Jared for Subway?\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking I could be that for the Cheesecake Factory.\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, Bob wrote the Cheesecake Factory telling them that he\u2019d been to \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 At that point, 25.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- 25, and they said, \u201cWrite us when you\u2019ve been to a few more.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Get a little closer to your goal.\u00a0 I was kind of put out by that, but I\u2019m still going for it today.\u00a0 I think a lot of couples, married couples, look at romance in marriage kind of the way we look at dessert.\u00a0 It's fun, and it's great, but it's not necessarily something you have to have \u2013 it's not broccoli, you know what I'm saying?\u00a0 It's not \u2013 there are not a whole lot of nutrients in romance.\u00a0 So if e can have a well-balanced meal \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is your relationship with Mary Ann like broccoli?\u00a0 Is that what you're saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0No, and I'm wondering if there's something about food being the metaphor I go to more often.\u00a0 Do you think there's something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you're really saying that if we're going to have a well-balanced marriage, romance is not dessert, it's broccoli, it's the minerals and the fiber is there, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Someone has said that romance is friendship set on fire.\u00a0 I think we get married because of romance \u2013 at least that's the initial attraction that two people go through that they're attracted to one another, and that begins the relationship.\u00a0 And yet, for many, the high point of their \"relationship\" is early marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey enter into a phase of marriage \u2013 and I want Barbara to comment on this \u2013they enter into a phase of marriage that many couples never get out of, and they don't realize they were meant to graduate and mature and move through that second phase of marriage into a more mature, satisfying love relationship, and it can be like an hors d'oeuvre, the main course, and dessert all wrapped up in one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 All couples also eventually run into what we call \"disappointed love,\" because everyone hits reality, and everyone runs into things about the other person, either that we weren't expecting, we aren\u2019t prepared to deal with, or we\u2019re surprised by.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re disappointed, frankly, and disappointed love is not what any of us got married for, and we're usually caught off guard by that.\u00a0 So, as Dennis was saying, too many couples stay there.\u00a0 They stay in disappointed love, and they decide that romance was just something for the beginning, and it's not for now, and they treat it, like Bob was saying, like dessert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Eat your vegetables.\u00a0 Yeah, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 And they figure it's not for them anymore, and they end up living in disappointed love for a long time and too many, then, eventually split because they find that they're nothing more than roommates. So the goal is, when you hit disappointment to move beyond it to commitment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDisappointment is not something that just happens once, sadly.\u00a0 I wish it were true, but it isn't.\u00a0 You hit disappointment in marriage over and over and over again.\u00a0 But if you work through it each time, the commitment becomes greater, stronger, deeper, more lasting, and therefore the relationship is better.\u00a0 So it's a process of dealing with the disappointment and moving through to commitment in order to maintain and sustain the romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Most folks, when they get to disappointment, think, \"How can we get back to how it was at the beginning?\"\u00a0 And yet you're saying that shouldn't be the goal \u2013 to get back to how it was at the beginning, but to get to something that's even better than what we had at the beginning.\u00a0 This mature love you're talking about is really a deeper, more profound, more substantive kind of love than the infatuation and the heavy, passionate romance we had at first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's really true, Bob, because what we had at first is the hope of that kind of relationship.\u00a0 Once we move through disappointed love to the commitment kind of love then we realize that the hope can actually happen.\u00a0 Therefore, it's more fulfilling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our relationship, for instance, I know that we're committed to one another, and I've experienced that acceptance over and over and over again in lots of situations that weren't what I expected and that weren't pleasant.\u00a0 And if I was hoping for what we had in the beginning, it would be so shallow.\u00a0 But what we have now is far better. It's worth fighting through the disappointment that's going to happen over and over again, to commitment, and that's what sustains real romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0So if we all want romance, we all want that kind of connection and that kind of love, and yet we experience disappointment, but we all want what's on the other side of that, how come it's so hard?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, because we spell romance differently.\u00a0 Men and women spell romance with different words with a different dictionary.\u00a0 Women spell romance, how, men?\u00a0 Relationship, friendship \u2013 don't look at me like that, guys.\u00a0 One of them said \u201ctalking\u201d\u2013 well, that's part of a relationship. They want intimacy, and they want relational intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, ladies, how do men spell romance?\u00a0 Sex.\u00a0 Now, why is it you knew the answer to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 yeah, kind of jumped right all over that one, didn't you, ladies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara said the guys are slow learners, is that it?\u00a0 Well, we are slow learners, you know, but the point is God made us like this.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 You did not have to laugh that loud.\u00a0 He did make us like this, and he made a woman with a need for a relationship, and he made a man with a need for physical intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat's happened in our culture today is, in many regards, we've blessed the woman's need for a relationship and have cursed the man's need for physical intimacy.\u00a0 So you get couples locked up with one another who have moved from new love into disappointed love who are spelling romance how they want it spelled, and so he's trying to communicate love to her physically, and she's trying to communicate love to him relationally, and they're missing each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat has to happen is we have to realize, first of all, God is not playing a cruel joke on His creation.\u00a0 He made us different for a purpose.\u00a0 He wanted to teach men self-denial, self-sacrifice, to pursue Christ, and to die to self on behalf of our wives.\u00a0 And He also called women to move on to their husband's agenda to meet their needs as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think in this dance of romance that we go through in marriage we're really in need of a Christian perspective, a perspective that goes to the Song of Solomon.\u00a0 I mean, God didn't stutter.\u00a0 He put that book right smack in the middle of the Bible so we wouldn't miss it.\u00a0 And it's right in the middle of literature that exalts who God is, and I think the Song of Solomon exalts who God is, because our God is a passionate God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe's a romantic God.\u00a0 God pursues us.\u00a0 He is after us with His love, and that love chased me down when I was a 19, 20-year-old young man at the University of Arkansas, and I believe our God is a God of romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Barbara, you\u2019ll hear from couples all the time.\u00a0 A wife is frustrated because she feels like all her husband is interested in is having his needs met, and he\u2019s not interested in pursuing a relationship at all.\u00a0 Or the two of you may hear from a man who says, \u201cI\u2019m trying to be a loving, relational husband.\u00a0 My wife is not interested in what I\u2019m hungry for in a relationship.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s hard for us to love one another in the midst of that and to sacrifice and keep giving if we feel like the other person isn\u2019t paying any attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re talking to a wife who says, \u201cMy husband just seems tuned out on the need that I have for relationship, for communication, for companionship, to be a friend,\u201d how would you counsel her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, in very few marriage are both spouses, are the husband and the wife both have the same level of need.\u00a0 In other words, it seems like couples are feeling opposite in one side or the other:\u00a0 either the wife is more interested or the husband is more interested.\u00a0 There didn\u2019t seem to be too many relationships where they felt that their needs were totally balanced and that they were both doing a good job meeting one another\u2019s needs.\u00a0 Did I explain that well?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was an interesting statistic, because it\u2019s not just the women who feel like their husbands are not talking, and it\u2019s not just the men who feel like the women are not interested.\u00a0 It was really both, and that was interesting to see that that was true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Both the husband and the wife ought to become a student of one another.\u00a0 When you become a student of your spouse you begin to recognize what it is that communicates romance to Barbara.\u00a0 For a number of years I would reach over to Barbara and I would massage her shoulders and her neck, like this.\u00a0 And with some degree of regularity she would say, \u201cWould you please quit that?\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019d go, \u201cBut it feels good, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow guess who does like to have his neck massaged and rubbed.\u00a0 What was I doing?\u00a0 I was communicating my need for romance and how I would like to be loved through my own grid to her.\u00a0 What communicates romance to her is me helping with the dishes, putting the kids to bed, helping pick up the house, going for a walk with her, even times when we\u2019re not even talking but just interacting together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We want to throw things open to you all.\u00a0 I know some of you may have questions on your own about romance, about marriage.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s not about romance but it\u2019s about some other aspect of marriage.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s about kids, parenting.\u00a0 Okay, who\u2019ve we got?\u00a0 Right down here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, my question is this for my friend because we\u2019re not married yet, so it doesn\u2019t apply, but they have three daughters, nine, seven and five.\u00a0 They will not leave their bedroom.\u00a0 So what can I take to her to say\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You say the kids are sleeping in mom and dad\u2019s room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong>\u00a0 On the floor, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 On the floor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong>\u00a0 They put them to bed.\u00a0 Then they\u2019re coming down \u2013 \u201cWe\u2019re scared\u201d you know, and they let them sleep on the floor.\u00a0 It\u2019s totally affecting their intimate life\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0There is actually a parenting philosophy that says this is a good thing.\u00a0 Barbara, do you want to talk about the family bed?\u00a0 Do you agree with that idea?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don't think we should get into that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0You don't want to get into the family bed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, we didn't practice the family bed, I can answer that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What would you do if the kids were on the floor and wouldn\u2019t leave?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 We didn\u2019t let our kids sleep in our room unless they were sick or something was wrong.\u00a0 I mean, when we had bad thunderstorms or something they would come in.\u00a0 We would let them come in and we prayed with them and taught them that they had to trust God, and that they needed to trust him, and that we would protect them and that nobody was going to get them and all those things that kids worry about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s a real value decision and I know that it\u2019s something that you as a couple need to talk through.\u00a0 We did not think that that was healthy for us and healthy for our marriage.\u00a0 I think that the children need to be trained, if that\u2019s a problem for them, they need to be trained to stay in their rooms and disciplined if necessary to stay out.\u00a0 Do you want to add to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I would like to add to that.\u00a0 Here is what they need to do, and I really agree with what Barbara said.\u00a0 Number one, the husband and wife need to go out on a date, and they need to get their powder dry.\u00a0 They need to get a game plan for how they're going to handle this.\u00a0 The game plan might sound something like this: they get their game plan together, and they call a little family meeting with the nine, seven, and five \u2013 is that right?\u00a0 Right there at the dinner table and says, \"Okay, there's a new ball game in town.\u00a0 Tonight you're going to go to bed in your bedroom; you're going to sleep in your bed.\u00a0 There will not be any tolerance for this.\u00a0 Here is going to be what happens if you get up once; here is what will happen if you come in twice.\u00a0 The bedroom for mom and dad is off limits.\u00a0 Am I clear about this?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'd make them articulate back to me what I just said \u2013 all three of them.\u00a0 And then back it up, because all three will most likely test you the first five nights.\u00a0 But after five nights it will be a habit.\u00a0 That issue will be all over, whether it\u2019s a kid crying through the night at twelve months of age, two years of age.\u00a0 The child finds a way to manipulate the parents and make good on it, and the children are better students of us than we are of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It will be a miserable five nights \u2013 it will be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They'll make you pay the price.\u00a0 But Mom and Dad have to be together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 And they have to win.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0All of our kids went through a phase where they would come into our room and want to get in bed after we'd put them to bed in their bed.\u00a0 They'd wake up an hour later; they'd come and want to get in bed with Mom and Dad.\u00a0 Here's your little five-year-old, \"I'm scared, could I get in bed?\"\u00a0 And, you know, you don't want to be the ogre and, \"No, go back to your\" \u2013 so we'd bring them in bed and cuddle with them for a little bit, and then we'd take them back to their bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, they'd keep coming in.\u00a0 Well, I remember, with my boys, saying to them, as I put them to bed at night, I'd say, \"You know how you've been coming into Mom and Dad's room the last couple of nights?\"\u00a0 \"Uh-huh.\"\u00a0 \"Well, tonight I don't want you to do that.\u00a0 And if you wake up, and you're scared, here is what I want you to remember \u2013 if you can sleep in your bed all night, I'm going to give you a quarter in the morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Laughter] I'll bribe you.\u00a0 I'll give you a quarter in the morning.\u00a0 Now, if you're really scared, and you want to come in, that's okay, but you won't get the quarter.\u00a0 But if you wake up, and you're not that scared, I'll give you a quarter in the morning.\"\u00a0 A quarter was a big deal, you know, at the right age.\u00a0 And so 75 cents \u2013 I had the thing licked, all right, you know?\u00a0 That's what it took for me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut\u00a0 the challenge for these parents is they've let the pattern build for so long that it's going to take an establishment \u2013 as Dennis said \u2013 new ballgame in town, new way of dealing with this, five nights of pain, and you should be able to get it turned around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And I'll just say here I'm glad those days are over, you know?\u00a0 Nobody\u2019s coming and knocking on the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was just smiling \u2013 I was thinking, if you did that now, it would cost you 25 bucks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, you couldn't bribe them for a quarter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A quarter wouldn't work anymore.\u00a0 But you know what we're talking about here is making your marriage a priority above your family, and it's so easy to make your marriage very child-centered.\u00a0 Trust me, we've been there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara and I raised six \u2013 we had six in 10 years and, frankly, had to fight the current to make our marriage and our relationship with Christ the real source of strength for our family.\u00a0 If you make that family the strength, and a little thing like allowing kids to control your life by sleeping in the same bed as you, can really begin to drive a wedge between a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 And you talk about fighting against the current, the same thing is true when it comes to romance and marriage.\u00a0 As you were saying that evening, the current does not lead you toward a more romantic marriage.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to be intentional; you\u2019re going to have to paddle upstream to get there and do things that build in to your relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It seems like the longer you paddle, the swifter the current.\u00a0 And frankly, Bob, it\u2019s why I\u2019m excited about offering this new video conference, a six-session video experience, to our listeners, so that they can bring this to their community.\u00a0 Several hundred people have already signed up for February 11, 2011, and bringing <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> to their community.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s going to be their romantic banquet, instead of, you know, some chicken at a dinner that\u2019s not very good \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not very romantic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- and not very entertaining.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell you something:\u00a0 Bring this video conference to your community.\u00a0 You will not be sorry you did.\u00a0 In fact, I think what\u2019s going to happen, Bob, is I think literally tens of thousands of people are going to be exposed to this, and they are going to decide that they want to bring it to their neighborhoods, their communities, their churches, and we\u2019re going to see this spawn literally hundreds and thousands of conferences all across the country in the coming months this year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is launching on Valentine\u2019s weekend, which is February 11<sup>th<\/sup> and 12<sup>th<\/sup>; that\u2019s Friday night and Saturday, two sessions on Friday night, four sessions on Saturday.\u00a0 You can be flexible with how you want to put it together because it\u2019s your event.\u00a0 We just provide you with the materials so you can host an event like this in your community or in your church.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might say, \u201cI don\u2019t think we can host one.\u201d\u00a0 Actually, you can go online right now and look and see if there is one of these events happening near you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got radio station partners that are helping to promote these events.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got local churches that are doing events, we\u2019ve got couples who have stepped up and said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to do it in our community.\u201d\u00a0 You just go type in your zip code and you can find out where an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event is happening near you, and then the two of you can go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe audiences who have seen this in previous settings have really given great feedback, and so, let me encourage you:\u00a0 Go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link for <em>The Art of Marriage.<\/em>\u00a0 You can find out where an event is being held near where you live.\u00a0 If there\u2019s not one being held near where you live or you want to add another one to the list, you can sign on and together you can host an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event in your community, at your local church, or in whatever setting looks right for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more by going to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link you find there to <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019re pretty excited about the hundreds of locations that are already registered, and looking forward to the launch on February 11<sup>th<\/sup> and 12<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if that weekend doesn\u2019t work for you in your setting, if you want to do one in March or April or May or June or whenever, find out more.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> link, or call us toll-free:\u00a0 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY,\u201d and we can answer any questions you have about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> or we can get you registered for an event over the phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow Chuck Colson is going to join us and we are going to spend some time talking about how God is using average folks, everyday folks like, well, like you and me, to accomplish his purposes in a whole variety of areas, not only here in America, but all around the world.\u00a0 That\u2019s coming up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["31.1M"],"filesize_raw":["32609131"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302190.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302190.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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Raineys Answer Your Questions About Marriage and Parenting.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2011-01-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now you know this, but it doesn\u2019t hurt to say it again.\u00a0 When it comes to romance, men and women are very different.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dennis Rainey:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Men and women spell romance with different words.\u00a0 Women spell romance how, men?\u00a0 Don\u2019t look at me like that guys.\u00a0 (Audience laughs)\u00a0 They want relational intimacy.\u00a0 Now ladies, how do men spell romance?\u00a0 Sex.\u00a0 Now why is it you knew the answer to that . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The women, yeah, kind of jumped right all over that one, didn\u2019t you ladies? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 . . . and the men.\u00a0 Yeah . . .\u00a0 Barbara said the guys are slow learners \u2013 is that it?\u00a0 (Audience laughter)\u00a0 Well, we are slow learners, but the point is God made us like this.\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 You did not have to laugh out loud.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> for Thursday, January 6<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019ll spend some time today talking about the sometimes challenging, sometimes delightful differences between men and women when it comes to romance.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 Do you remember that night?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do. I do.\u00a0 Brings back some memories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was a fun night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Those guys just had a big question mark on their face.\u00a0 \u201cWould you give me a hint?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \u201cWoman, I\u2019m still trying to. . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cCan I call someone?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cPhone a friend?\u00a0 I need a lifeline here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we are going to hear today some interaction that took place.\u00a0 We had, I guess \u2013 I don\u2019t know, three or four hundred people who came out for an evening \u2013 a little marriage refresher, some questions and answers that took place.\u00a0 This all happened in Seattle, and it was a couple of years ago that we were up there for this event, but it was a great evening with <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, talking about marriage.\u00a0 We talked a little bit about parenting, but most of what we focused in on was how to keep your marriage healthy and fresh and pointed in the right direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, no, no, no.\u00a0 We were talking about how to keep romance alive and sexual intimacy occurring in your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a big . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You kind of beat around the bush on that, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s a big part of what we did talk about . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As we were up there that evening.\u00a0 And really it\u2019s a big part of what we\u2019re focused on here in the new year.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking about the video series that is getting ready to premiere five weeks from now.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 There are hundreds of locations that have signed up all around the country that are going to be hosting a Friday night and Saturday event for couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s hosted by individual couples or an individual person who said, \u201cYou know what?\u00a0 I\u2019ve had enough of the breakdown of marriage and family today in my community, and I want to do something.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what Bob Lepine did, was he created a six-session video experience where you can have this delivered to your church or to a place where you want to host this.\u00a0 I know some that are actually holding these events in lake houses and in basements and in their neighborhoods, on their flat screen TV, inviting friends over, and kind of making it a weekend to learn about marriage and family.\u00a0 And you\u2019re going to learn about communication, about conflict, about the husband\u2019s role, how a wife can fulfill her job description and responsibilities, about legacy and about what we just talked about here \u2013 sexual intimacy and romance in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me just point out, if you want to attend one of these <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> events, you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and look on our website.\u00a0 You type in your zip code; we\u2019ll tell you where there is one being hosted near where you live.\u00a0 And if there\u2019s not one being hosted near where you live, you can still host one.\u00a0 There is still time to pull it off \u2013 to get the DVDs and the manuals together.\u00a0 You probably want to have at least four or five couples getting together, so it\u2019s not just you and your spouse.\u00a0 You want to invite a few other folks to come along.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 By the way, you can go online to theartofmarriage.com and you can click on the \u2013 it\u2019s like a movie trailer \u2013 and you can see in three-and-a-half minutes that this is a fresh, edgy approach, meant to reach this generation with practical, biblical resources that are going to strengthen their marriage and family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Make sure you go to <u>the<\/u>artofmarriage.com \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- in order to see the trailer and to find out where the events are being held near where you live.\u00a0 As you said, we tackle all kinds of subjects in this video event.\u00a0 One of them that we tackle is the subject of romance and intimacy, which is the same subject that we were tackling when we got together with listeners up in the Pacific Northwest a few years back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and Barbara and I had a chance to interact with listeners about romance and passion in marriage \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mm hmm.\u00a0 We did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What makes it work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The audience was pretty lively, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They were.\u00a0 In fact, let\u2019s listen to some of the conversation that took place that night, and I think it will be helpful for all of us to get a refresher in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 Well, hey, it\u2019s great to be in Seattle, in the Pacific Northwest.\u00a0 We\u2019ve really looked forward to coming up here because of the Cheesecake Factory and for other reasons, too.\u00a0 Some people want to visit every major league ballpark in America, and I think that\u2019s fine, but I\u2019m thinking \u2013 You\u2019ve seen Jared for Subway?\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking I could be that for the Cheesecake Factory.\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, Bob wrote the Cheesecake Factory telling them that he\u2019d been to \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 At that point, 25.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- 25, and they said, \u201cWrite us when you\u2019ve been to a few more.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Get a little closer to your goal.\u00a0 I was kind of put out by that, but I\u2019m still going for it today.\u00a0 I think a lot of couples, married couples, look at romance in marriage kind of the way we look at dessert.\u00a0 It's fun, and it's great, but it's not necessarily something you have to have \u2013 it's not broccoli, you know what I'm saying?\u00a0 It's not \u2013 there are not a whole lot of nutrients in romance.\u00a0 So if e can have a well-balanced meal \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is your relationship with Mary Ann like broccoli?\u00a0 Is that what you're saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0No, and I'm wondering if there's something about food being the metaphor I go to more often.\u00a0 Do you think there's something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you're really saying that if we're going to have a well-balanced marriage, romance is not dessert, it's broccoli, it's the minerals and the fiber is there, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Someone has said that romance is friendship set on fire.\u00a0 I think we get married because of romance \u2013 at least that's the initial attraction that two people go through that they're attracted to one another, and that begins the relationship.\u00a0 And yet, for many, the high point of their \"relationship\" is early marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey enter into a phase of marriage \u2013 and I want Barbara to comment on this \u2013they enter into a phase of marriage that many couples never get out of, and they don't realize they were meant to graduate and mature and move through that second phase of marriage into a more mature, satisfying love relationship, and it can be like an hors d'oeuvre, the main course, and dessert all wrapped up in one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 All couples also eventually run into what we call \"disappointed love,\" because everyone hits reality, and everyone runs into things about the other person, either that we weren't expecting, we aren\u2019t prepared to deal with, or we\u2019re surprised by.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re disappointed, frankly, and disappointed love is not what any of us got married for, and we're usually caught off guard by that.\u00a0 So, as Dennis was saying, too many couples stay there.\u00a0 They stay in disappointed love, and they decide that romance was just something for the beginning, and it's not for now, and they treat it, like Bob was saying, like dessert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Eat your vegetables.\u00a0 Yeah, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 And they figure it's not for them anymore, and they end up living in disappointed love for a long time and too many, then, eventually split because they find that they're nothing more than roommates. So the goal is, when you hit disappointment to move beyond it to commitment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDisappointment is not something that just happens once, sadly.\u00a0 I wish it were true, but it isn't.\u00a0 You hit disappointment in marriage over and over and over again.\u00a0 But if you work through it each time, the commitment becomes greater, stronger, deeper, more lasting, and therefore the relationship is better.\u00a0 So it's a process of dealing with the disappointment and moving through to commitment in order to maintain and sustain the romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Most folks, when they get to disappointment, think, \"How can we get back to how it was at the beginning?\"\u00a0 And yet you're saying that shouldn't be the goal \u2013 to get back to how it was at the beginning, but to get to something that's even better than what we had at the beginning.\u00a0 This mature love you're talking about is really a deeper, more profound, more substantive kind of love than the infatuation and the heavy, passionate romance we had at first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's really true, Bob, because what we had at first is the hope of that kind of relationship.\u00a0 Once we move through disappointed love to the commitment kind of love then we realize that the hope can actually happen.\u00a0 Therefore, it's more fulfilling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our relationship, for instance, I know that we're committed to one another, and I've experienced that acceptance over and over and over again in lots of situations that weren't what I expected and that weren't pleasant.\u00a0 And if I was hoping for what we had in the beginning, it would be so shallow.\u00a0 But what we have now is far better. It's worth fighting through the disappointment that's going to happen over and over again, to commitment, and that's what sustains real romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0So if we all want romance, we all want that kind of connection and that kind of love, and yet we experience disappointment, but we all want what's on the other side of that, how come it's so hard?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, because we spell romance differently.\u00a0 Men and women spell romance with different words with a different dictionary.\u00a0 Women spell romance, how, men?\u00a0 Relationship, friendship \u2013 don't look at me like that, guys.\u00a0 One of them said \u201ctalking\u201d\u2013 well, that's part of a relationship. They want intimacy, and they want relational intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, ladies, how do men spell romance?\u00a0 Sex.\u00a0 Now, why is it you knew the answer to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 yeah, kind of jumped right all over that one, didn't you, ladies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara said the guys are slow learners, is that it?\u00a0 Well, we are slow learners, you know, but the point is God made us like this.\u00a0 [Laughter]\u00a0 You did not have to laugh that loud.\u00a0 He did make us like this, and he made a woman with a need for a relationship, and he made a man with a need for physical intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat's happened in our culture today is, in many regards, we've blessed the woman's need for a relationship and have cursed the man's need for physical intimacy.\u00a0 So you get couples locked up with one another who have moved from new love into disappointed love who are spelling romance how they want it spelled, and so he's trying to communicate love to her physically, and she's trying to communicate love to him relationally, and they're missing each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat has to happen is we have to realize, first of all, God is not playing a cruel joke on His creation.\u00a0 He made us different for a purpose.\u00a0 He wanted to teach men self-denial, self-sacrifice, to pursue Christ, and to die to self on behalf of our wives.\u00a0 And He also called women to move on to their husband's agenda to meet their needs as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think in this dance of romance that we go through in marriage we're really in need of a Christian perspective, a perspective that goes to the Song of Solomon.\u00a0 I mean, God didn't stutter.\u00a0 He put that book right smack in the middle of the Bible so we wouldn't miss it.\u00a0 And it's right in the middle of literature that exalts who God is, and I think the Song of Solomon exalts who God is, because our God is a passionate God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe's a romantic God.\u00a0 God pursues us.\u00a0 He is after us with His love, and that love chased me down when I was a 19, 20-year-old young man at the University of Arkansas, and I believe our God is a God of romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Barbara, you\u2019ll hear from couples all the time.\u00a0 A wife is frustrated because she feels like all her husband is interested in is having his needs met, and he\u2019s not interested in pursuing a relationship at all.\u00a0 Or the two of you may hear from a man who says, \u201cI\u2019m trying to be a loving, relational husband.\u00a0 My wife is not interested in what I\u2019m hungry for in a relationship.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s hard for us to love one another in the midst of that and to sacrifice and keep giving if we feel like the other person isn\u2019t paying any attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re talking to a wife who says, \u201cMy husband just seems tuned out on the need that I have for relationship, for communication, for companionship, to be a friend,\u201d how would you counsel her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, in very few marriage are both spouses, are the husband and the wife both have the same level of need.\u00a0 In other words, it seems like couples are feeling opposite in one side or the other:\u00a0 either the wife is more interested or the husband is more interested.\u00a0 There didn\u2019t seem to be too many relationships where they felt that their needs were totally balanced and that they were both doing a good job meeting one another\u2019s needs.\u00a0 Did I explain that well?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was an interesting statistic, because it\u2019s not just the women who feel like their husbands are not talking, and it\u2019s not just the men who feel like the women are not interested.\u00a0 It was really both, and that was interesting to see that that was true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Both the husband and the wife ought to become a student of one another.\u00a0 When you become a student of your spouse you begin to recognize what it is that communicates romance to Barbara.\u00a0 For a number of years I would reach over to Barbara and I would massage her shoulders and her neck, like this.\u00a0 And with some degree of regularity she would say, \u201cWould you please quit that?\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019d go, \u201cBut it feels good, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow guess who does like to have his neck massaged and rubbed.\u00a0 What was I doing?\u00a0 I was communicating my need for romance and how I would like to be loved through my own grid to her.\u00a0 What communicates romance to her is me helping with the dishes, putting the kids to bed, helping pick up the house, going for a walk with her, even times when we\u2019re not even talking but just interacting together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We want to throw things open to you all.\u00a0 I know some of you may have questions on your own about romance, about marriage.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s not about romance but it\u2019s about some other aspect of marriage.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s about kids, parenting.\u00a0 Okay, who\u2019ve we got?\u00a0 Right down here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, my question is this for my friend because we\u2019re not married yet, so it doesn\u2019t apply, but they have three daughters, nine, seven and five.\u00a0 They will not leave their bedroom.\u00a0 So what can I take to her to say\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You say the kids are sleeping in mom and dad\u2019s room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong>\u00a0 On the floor, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 On the floor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong>\u00a0 They put them to bed.\u00a0 Then they\u2019re coming down \u2013 \u201cWe\u2019re scared\u201d you know, and they let them sleep on the floor.\u00a0 It\u2019s totally affecting their intimate life\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0There is actually a parenting philosophy that says this is a good thing.\u00a0 Barbara, do you want to talk about the family bed?\u00a0 Do you agree with that idea?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don't think we should get into that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0You don't want to get into the family bed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, we didn't practice the family bed, I can answer that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What would you do if the kids were on the floor and wouldn\u2019t leave?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 We didn\u2019t let our kids sleep in our room unless they were sick or something was wrong.\u00a0 I mean, when we had bad thunderstorms or something they would come in.\u00a0 We would let them come in and we prayed with them and taught them that they had to trust God, and that they needed to trust him, and that we would protect them and that nobody was going to get them and all those things that kids worry about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s a real value decision and I know that it\u2019s something that you as a couple need to talk through.\u00a0 We did not think that that was healthy for us and healthy for our marriage.\u00a0 I think that the children need to be trained, if that\u2019s a problem for them, they need to be trained to stay in their rooms and disciplined if necessary to stay out.\u00a0 Do you want to add to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I would like to add to that.\u00a0 Here is what they need to do, and I really agree with what Barbara said.\u00a0 Number one, the husband and wife need to go out on a date, and they need to get their powder dry.\u00a0 They need to get a game plan for how they're going to handle this.\u00a0 The game plan might sound something like this: they get their game plan together, and they call a little family meeting with the nine, seven, and five \u2013 is that right?\u00a0 Right there at the dinner table and says, \"Okay, there's a new ball game in town.\u00a0 Tonight you're going to go to bed in your bedroom; you're going to sleep in your bed.\u00a0 There will not be any tolerance for this.\u00a0 Here is going to be what happens if you get up once; here is what will happen if you come in twice.\u00a0 The bedroom for mom and dad is off limits.\u00a0 Am I clear about this?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'd make them articulate back to me what I just said \u2013 all three of them.\u00a0 And then back it up, because all three will most likely test you the first five nights.\u00a0 But after five nights it will be a habit.\u00a0 That issue will be all over, whether it\u2019s a kid crying through the night at twelve months of age, two years of age.\u00a0 The child finds a way to manipulate the parents and make good on it, and the children are better students of us than we are of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It will be a miserable five nights \u2013 it will be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They'll make you pay the price.\u00a0 But Mom and Dad have to be together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 And they have to win.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0All of our kids went through a phase where they would come into our room and want to get in bed after we'd put them to bed in their bed.\u00a0 They'd wake up an hour later; they'd come and want to get in bed with Mom and Dad.\u00a0 Here's your little five-year-old, \"I'm scared, could I get in bed?\"\u00a0 And, you know, you don't want to be the ogre and, \"No, go back to your\" \u2013 so we'd bring them in bed and cuddle with them for a little bit, and then we'd take them back to their bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, they'd keep coming in.\u00a0 Well, I remember, with my boys, saying to them, as I put them to bed at night, I'd say, \"You know how you've been coming into Mom and Dad's room the last couple of nights?\"\u00a0 \"Uh-huh.\"\u00a0 \"Well, tonight I don't want you to do that.\u00a0 And if you wake up, and you're scared, here is what I want you to remember \u2013 if you can sleep in your bed all night, I'm going to give you a quarter in the morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Laughter] I'll bribe you.\u00a0 I'll give you a quarter in the morning.\u00a0 Now, if you're really scared, and you want to come in, that's okay, but you won't get the quarter.\u00a0 But if you wake up, and you're not that scared, I'll give you a quarter in the morning.\"\u00a0 A quarter was a big deal, you know, at the right age.\u00a0 And so 75 cents \u2013 I had the thing licked, all right, you know?\u00a0 That's what it took for me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut\u00a0 the challenge for these parents is they've let the pattern build for so long that it's going to take an establishment \u2013 as Dennis said \u2013 new ballgame in town, new way of dealing with this, five nights of pain, and you should be able to get it turned around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0And I'll just say here I'm glad those days are over, you know?\u00a0 Nobody\u2019s coming and knocking on the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was just smiling \u2013 I was thinking, if you did that now, it would cost you 25 bucks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, you couldn't bribe them for a quarter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A quarter wouldn't work anymore.\u00a0 But you know what we're talking about here is making your marriage a priority above your family, and it's so easy to make your marriage very child-centered.\u00a0 Trust me, we've been there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara and I raised six \u2013 we had six in 10 years and, frankly, had to fight the current to make our marriage and our relationship with Christ the real source of strength for our family.\u00a0 If you make that family the strength, and a little thing like allowing kids to control your life by sleeping in the same bed as you, can really begin to drive a wedge between a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 And you talk about fighting against the current, the same thing is true when it comes to romance and marriage.\u00a0 As you were saying that evening, the current does not lead you toward a more romantic marriage.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to be intentional; you\u2019re going to have to paddle upstream to get there and do things that build in to your relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It seems like the longer you paddle, the swifter the current.\u00a0 And frankly, Bob, it\u2019s why I\u2019m excited about offering this new video conference, a six-session video experience, to our listeners, so that they can bring this to their community.\u00a0 Several hundred people have already signed up for February 11, 2011, and bringing <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> to their community.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s going to be their romantic banquet, instead of, you know, some chicken at a dinner that\u2019s not very good \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not very romantic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 -- and not very entertaining.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell you something:\u00a0 Bring this video conference to your community.\u00a0 You will not be sorry you did.\u00a0 In fact, I think what\u2019s going to happen, Bob, is I think literally tens of thousands of people are going to be exposed to this, and they are going to decide that they want to bring it to their neighborhoods, their communities, their churches, and we\u2019re going to see this spawn literally hundreds and thousands of conferences all across the country in the coming months this year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is launching on Valentine\u2019s weekend, which is February 11<sup>th<\/sup> and 12<sup>th<\/sup>; that\u2019s Friday night and Saturday, two sessions on Friday night, four sessions on Saturday.\u00a0 You can be flexible with how you want to put it together because it\u2019s your event.\u00a0 We just provide you with the materials so you can host an event like this in your community or in your church.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might say, \u201cI don\u2019t think we can host one.\u201d\u00a0 Actually, you can go online right now and look and see if there is one of these events happening near you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got radio station partners that are helping to promote these events.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got local churches that are doing events, we\u2019ve got couples who have stepped up and said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to do it in our community.\u201d\u00a0 You just go type in your zip code and you can find out where an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event is happening near you, and then the two of you can go.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe audiences who have seen this in previous settings have really given great feedback, and so, let me encourage you:\u00a0 Go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link for <em>The Art of Marriage.<\/em>\u00a0 You can find out where an event is being held near where you live.\u00a0 If there\u2019s not one being held near where you live or you want to add another one to the list, you can sign on and together you can host an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event in your community, at your local church, or in whatever setting looks right for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more by going to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link you find there to <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019re pretty excited about the hundreds of locations that are already registered, and looking forward to the launch on February 11<sup>th<\/sup> and 12<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if that weekend doesn\u2019t work for you in your setting, if you want to do one in March or April or May or June or whenever, find out more.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> link, or call us toll-free:\u00a0 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY,\u201d and we can answer any questions you have about <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> or we can get you registered for an event over the phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow Chuck Colson is going to join us and we are going to spend some time talking about how God is using average folks, everyday folks like, well, like you and me, to accomplish his purposes in a whole variety of areas, not only here in America, but all around the world.\u00a0 That\u2019s coming up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2011 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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