{"id":302172,"date":"2010-12-07T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-12-07T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/being-intentional\/"},"modified":"2010-12-07T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-12-07T17:00:00","slug":"being-intentional","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-intentional\/","title":{"rendered":"Being Intentional"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you audition for the role of  \u201cspouse&#8221;?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-12-07.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"27.07M","filesize_raw":"28383670","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2807],"tags":[4018,4822,4186],"podcast_series":[7773],"cwp_profile":[3228],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302172","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-engagements-and-weddings","tag-dating","tag-engagement","tag-getting-married","podcast_series-marry-well","cwp_profile-steve-and-candice-watters","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302172\/being-intentional","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302172\/being-intentional","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ihhQcKAp82\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-intentional\/\">Being Intentional<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/being-intentional\/embed\/#?secret=ihhQcKAp82\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Being Intentional&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ihhQcKAp82\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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what she\u2019s looking for in a future husband, so to really have a clear-headedness about assessing the men you\u2019re choosing between:\u00a0 Is he going to be a godly leader?\u00a0 Am I going to be able to submit to this guy?\u00a0 What will that look like?\u00a0 Will he be a good and tender and loving father who can raise up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord?\u00a0 This is some pretty important stuff, but if you choose poorly, it can be a catastrophe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 7<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Marrying well is not something that just happens.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to be intentional.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, would you like to know Samson\u2019s way of looking for a woman?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember it.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of my favorite verses in the Bible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He comes back from visiting a foreign country and he goes to his mommy and daddy and says, \u201cMan, go get her for she looks good to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Looks good to me.\u00a0 I remember reading that and going, \u201cI can relate to ol\u2019 Samson there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What a criteria for selecting.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t marry her, I don\u2019t think, did he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 He did wind up with a few other unsavory women along the way, but I was thinking about this whole issue of getting married, because you know when I graduated from college and it came time to look for a job, I had to get serious.\u00a0 I had to get regimented; I had to send out resumes.\u00a0 I got busy in the pursuit of a job because that was what was next.\u00a0 When it came to finding a wife, I just kind of expected that it would happen . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So were you pretty passive about this then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I wasn\u2019t passive \u2013 I mean I was looking around, I was paying attention, but in the pursuit of a job and in the pursuit of a wife I had two very different mindsets about one.\u00a0 One you go out and get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that was kind of Samson\u2019s idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other one though was just kind of supposed to happen more mysteriously with less initiative.\u00a0 You know, you didn\u2019t send out a resume to ten different girls and say, \u201cYou got anything open at your place?\u201d\u00a0 You just expected to kind of meet and get to . . . and I\u2019m wondering now (actually, it worked out pretty well for me), but I\u2019m just wondering if the generation coming up needs to be as intentional about pursuing marriage as they are about pursuing other aspects of their life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you said it worked out well, by the way, if Mary Ann is listening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Before we talk to Steve and Candice Watters about this subject of marrying well today, I just want to talk to our listeners about standing with us in what has become the largest matching gift in the history of our ministry here in the month of December.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have come along and they have put together a matching gift fund of now a little more than $2 million.\u00a0 So every donation we receive during December is being matched on a dollar for dollar basis.\u00a0 We\u2019re asking listeners to make as generous a donation as you can so we can take full advantage of this matching gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 And if you want to keep <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on this station on an ongoing basis, then we just need you to step up and do what you can to stand with us right now.\u00a0 You know, Bob, more people than ever are downloading our broadcasts on their iPhones, their iPads, their Droids.\u00a0 They\u2019re experiencing the benefits of this broadcast, and we really need some of them to step up and say, \u201cWe want to keep this broadcast coming and able to be downloaded for free, so that we can enjoy the benefits of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want you to know as a listener, what we\u2019re all about here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is bringing the timeless truths of Scripture to your home, to your life, to your family, in an authentic way, and helping you as best we can know how to apply them to win in life\u2019s most important commitments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation, or you can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone.\u00a0 We just want to say in advance, thanks for your support and your partnership.\u00a0 We appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, what about this issue of being intentional about pursuing someone in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think this next generation of single folks needs to be trained and they need to have a biblical perspective about being single and about following Christ, and then how to make the selection of who they\u2019re going to marry.\u00a0 We have a couple with us whose lives and ministry are all about marrying well.\u00a0 Steve and Candice Watters join us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Steve, Candice, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Steve and Candice have four children, been married since 1997, and have a ministry called <em>Marry Well<\/em>, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And a website by the same name, marrywell.org, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re all about helping singles be equipped to make this choice.\u00a0 Where should they start if they\u2019re going to marry well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do they need to put a resume together like I\u2019m talking about here?\u00a0 Get it circulated?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Get it online and get a head hunter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Get some references.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, your website actually \u2013 what you\u2019re recommending for singles as they come to your website \u2013 that they bring a pastor, a mentor, someone who has discipled them.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 You know, it is a larger picture.\u00a0 It does start with asking, \u201cWhat is marriage, and what is marriage all about?\u201d\u00a0 Because obviously there are plenty of opportunities for companionship and dating.\u00a0 When you talk about marriage, people know it\u2019s something different, and so you start with, \u201cWhat is the biblical job description for marriage?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very different from Hollywood marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think probably one of the biggest concerns we have is that a lot of good, well-intentioned Christian people are waiting for God to write their Hollywood love story. They are waiting for something to fall in their laps, and even the model they have of what they\u2019re waiting for has a little bit of God in it, but has a whole lot of the last movie they saw, and a lot of what they are reading and seeing around them.\u00a0 That\u2019s not necessarily what God designed for marriage, and they are the ones that are often the most frustrated, the most bitter at God because he\u2019s not delivering that for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Candice, you know I talk about, kind of tongue-in-cheek, do you apply for a spouse the same way you apply for a job, but I think there is this other side to it where we just think that we\u2019re going to wander through life and at some point Cupid with the arrow is going to hit us and the other person simultaneously, and there\u2019s going to be the spark and we\u2019re going to know this is what life is supposed to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Well you know the emotional aspect of falling in love is an important part of the process, but I think we\u2019ve made it the only part of the process.\u00a0 It\u2019s all we focus on, and we need to be aware of what we bring to a marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA young woman needs to know what are the benefits she\u2019s going to bring to this relationship.\u00a0 What are her strengths, what are her skills?\u00a0 She also needs to know what she\u2019s looking for.\u00a0 What benefits and strengths and skills is she looking for in a future husband?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so, to really have a clear-headedness about assessing the men you\u2019re choosing between.\u00a0 Is he going to be . . .\u00a0 Not just is he attractive and do I get the excitement in my heart when I\u2019m with him?\u00a0 You know, does he make me tingly or nervous or butterflies in my belly?\u00a0 Is he going to be a godly leader?\u00a0 Am I going to be able to submit to this guy?\u00a0 What will that look like?\u00a0 Will he be a good and tender and loving father who can raise up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord?\u00a0 I mean this is some pretty important stuff.\u00a0 Like Steve said last time, if you choose well this can be the catalyst to great fruitfulness for the kingdom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt.\u00a0 No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 But if you choose poorly, it can be a catastrophe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Candice, I\u2019m listening to you and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYes, you\u2019ve been married thirteen years.\u00a0 You\u2019ve made the choice, you\u2019ve sealed the deal.\u201d\u00a0 How clear in your thinking were you as a single woman about these matters before you started dating Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was pretty clear about what I was going to bring to the table, Dennis.\u00a0 I at one point actually sat down with Steve when I was thinking we should be together and we weren\u2019t, and I said, talking about another guy who decided he didn\u2019t want to date me, I said to Steve, \u201cI don\u2019t understand why he walked away.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to be a good wife, and I\u2019m a good cook,\u201d and I started kind of listing. . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had your resume right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s embarrassing now.\u00a0 He laughs about it, but I really did have a sense of I want this, and I hope to have it and I hope God blesses me with it, but I didn\u2019t have a whole lot of clarity. I just prayed every day.\u00a0 And when I met a guy that I was attracted to I think I threw up some prayers and said, \u201cOh, Lord, please let it happen.\u201d\u00a0 I went into it na\u00efve, I think.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I\u2019m so glad my parents prayed all those years for a good match, and I think this is why the prayers of parents matter, because when you\u2019re the twenty-something, and in this culture you\u2019re just kind of going with the flow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Steve, if you were sitting with a young man today and he was saying, \u201cBoy this girl.\u00a0 She \u2013 ahhh \u2013 she makes my heart flutter.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 And there were some red flags in the relationship, you would say, \u201cDown boy.\u00a0 Even though she makes your heart flutter, those red flags ought to be a concern.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me turn it around.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say you\u2019re sitting with this guy and he\u2019s going, \u201cShe\u2019s a great gal.\u00a0 She can cook and she can do this and she can do that, and she\u2019s everything Candice had on her resume, but she doesn\u2019t make my heart flutter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cSo, do I pursue that because it\u2019s a good match up here even though there\u2019s not an emotional spark?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Obviously emotions matter, and it gives you a good rocket booster, if you will, to get into a relationship.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve seen in my relationship with Candice and a lot of other guys, love can grow if you build it on a foundation of solid friendship and of people who have a shared passion for God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Life-long commitment, where that relationship feels secure and safe to be real and fail and get forgiven and be loved in spite of.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So would you say to the guy when he says \u201cShe\u2019s a great match but there\u2019s no spark,\u201d \u201cGo ahead and pursue it.\u00a0 The spark will come.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say, \u201cSee if it can cultivate.\u00a0 Love can grow on that kind of foundation.\u201d\u00a0 Now, probably what\u2019s worse is where there\u2019s a spark but no foundation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Am I mixing my metaphors?\u00a0 Is that bad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we all have seen spark and no foundation and how that can lead to ruin.\u00a0 I\u2019m just curious about good foundation and no spark.\u00a0 What would you say to the guy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve actually encouraged women at different points and men, \u201cHey look.\u00a0 I know you don\u2019t feel it yet, but we observe objectively you guys are a good match, and we think you should at least give it a shot.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ve advised people to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 We advise them to let it cultivate and if after a period of time there\u2019s still nothing there . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 There does need to be some kind of cultivation to build a life on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So \u201cgive it a shot\u2019 means hang out together, spend some time getting to know one another, and just see if some of that quiver in the liver starts to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll tell you that . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Quiver in the liver!\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 Where did that come from?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve had that, haven\u2019t you?\u00a0 A quiver?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 What you don\u2019t want to do is encourage them to spend time together and start to be sexual or physical to see if those emotions kick in, because then you create a disaster.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 You start with where the connections are.\u00a0 I mean, Candice and I had a shared passion and that\u2019s what we built from.\u00a0 We encourage people, even if they don\u2019t feel a romantic spark, to say, \u201cWere you brought together because you both enjoyed serving in the children\u2019s ministry?\u00a0 Was it because you both enjoyed a certain author or artist?\u201d\u00a0 Start with that.\u00a0 Start with the thing that you do have a shared passion with.\u00a0 See if that grows.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And again, we\u2019ve said it many ways here, but remember that the order in which you become one is leave, cleave and become one.\u00a0 Most singles today start the relationship becoming one.\u00a0 They start with the sexual dimension and sharing intimacies that should only be reserved for the committed relationship of marriage.\u00a0 When you do that, as Bob says, the liver . . .\u00a0 How did you say it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The quiver in the liver.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The quiver in the liver may occur at that point, but it\u2019s not going to be a great foundation for the marriage, because most of marriage is lived outside of the quiver.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean, love, in my opinion, is not a feeling.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Love is a commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the great lie of Hollywood is that love\u2019s first a feeling and then maybe it\u2019s a commitment, and if a commitment at all, it\u2019s a temporal commitment, or a conditional commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve had the opportunity in recent days to be coaching a young man who is in his late teens, and he\u2019s looking at relationships and kind of evaluating them.\u00a0 I\u2019ve said to him, \u201cWhen a relationship becomes exclusive and romantic, when those two dimensions click in in a relationship, you better be headed toward marriage and both of you understanding that, or you\u2019re headed toward trouble \u2013\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c-- either a bad break up down the way or temptation you don\u2019t want to face.\u201d\u00a0 But I said, \u201cWhen it becomes exclusive or when it becomes romantic, those are course-setting things \u2013\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c\u2014and you shouldn\u2019t allow your heart to go to either one of those until you\u2019re ready to say, \u2018If this proceeds the way I think it might be proceeding, I\u2019m ready to get married.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I\u2019ve heard from so many twenty-something women who will be with a guy \u2013 he\u2019s a good friend of her\u2019s \u2013 and she\u2019s thinking this could go to marriage, and she\u2019ll kind of maybe ask the question, \u201cWhere is this headed?\u00a0 What are your intentions?\u201d\u00a0 And the guy will say, \u201cWell, I just want to protect your heart, so we\u2019re just not going to go there.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say to her, \u201cYou have already gone there and so has he, and he\u2019s defrauding you.\u201d\u00a0 You know, these women and young men, they get together and they act like they\u2019re married.\u00a0 They may not be having sex, although statistically a lot of them are, but even if that piece is not there, they are still at a level of intimacy in their friendship that . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s emotional fornication going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 I think this whole idea that a young man will say, \u201cWell I just want to protect your heart\u201d-- I want to say to him, \u201cYou need to be strong and courageous.\u00a0 The way you protect her heart is by marrying her.\u00a0 Make an honest woman of her.\u00a0 Form a family.\u00a0 Do all this for God\u2019s glory, and just watch what God does in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 What we\u2019ve found though is that those couples tend to have the most confusion.\u00a0 They\u2019re trying to figure out, \u201cWhy does this seem so confusing?\u201d\u00a0 What we\u2019ve found is almost every time a single or a couple that\u2019s been dating feels confused about relationships, there\u2019s already been unnecessary physical connection.\u00a0 Their bodies are already bonding, even though they haven\u2019t decided if this is the person I want to be bonded with.\u00a0 And then, oftentimes they\u2019re doing this totally off the reservation from community, from their church, from their mentors, from their parents, from people who can objectively look in and give counsel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what we\u2019ve found is that relationships will always be mysterious.\u00a0 There\u2019s something about it, of all the things in our Christian walk, there will be things about dating relationships and marriage that we\u2019ll never understand.\u00a0 Men will never quite understand women.\u00a0 But, there is no reason that we should layer on the unnecessary mystery because we\u2019ve been prematurely physical, because we\u2019re not bringing in counsel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking about your website, marrywell.org, where there is an opportunity for people to meet one another and to kind of get to know one another, view profiles, and I\u2019m thinking about Amazon where, at the bottom, you\u2019ve got \u201ccustomers who like this person also might like . . .\u201d\u00a0 I just wonder if you\u2019ve got that built in.\u00a0 \u201cIf you like this guy, you might check out these three as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Or \u201cadd to cart.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, the thing that I\u2019ve seen in single men, especially after the age of 28 or 29, somewhere in there, this fear that you\u2019re talking about doesn\u2019t just increase with interest.\u00a0 It\u2019s like it exponentially increases as they approach 30 and after 30 and \u201cthe decision\u201d and \u201cthe commitment\u201d becomes so huge, so large, so scary, so frightening, that many of them recoil from it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 I know there was some great commentary back when Prince William was considering marriage in his 20s.\u00a0 One of the pieces of commentary was, \u201cYou know, there\u2019s something about the valor of our 20s, that when men are young there\u2019s a risk taking, there\u2019s a willingness to get out there and have courage that into your 30s turns into calculation and care and carefulness.\u00a0 Things that are good for married men who no longer need to be out there pushing the edges and taking as bold of a risk.\u201d\u00a0 But that\u2019s a bad thing if you haven\u2019t made the leap yet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember my wedding day, thinking to myself.\u00a0 I was 23, Mary Ann was twenty \u2013 I\u2019m not going to say how old she was.\u00a0 I was 23, she was a different age, and I remember thinking, \u201cThis is forever.\u00a0 How do you know?\u201d\u00a0 There was this song on the radio at the time, \u201cIt\u2019s sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, that \u2013 you know \u2013 buyer\u2019s remorse is a huge fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m about to say \u2018yes\u2019 forever.\u00a0 What if I meet the \u2018one\u2019 next week?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 But see, that\u2019s totally counter to the biblical mindset that says, \u201cWhen you say \u2018I do,\u2019 that <em>is<\/em> the one.\u201d\u00a0 Case closed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember thinking that day, \u201cHow does anybody make this decision?\u201d\u00a0 and ultimately you make it by faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You step up and say, \u201cBy faith I receive you as the one for me,\u201d and if I meet somebody next week and think, \u201cBoy, maybe she was the right . . . .\u201d\u00a0 No, she wasn\u2019t the right one.\u00a0 You met the right one right here and by faith you sealed the deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it goes back to the fact that in a consumer-minded culture you think all the work is on the front end:\u00a0 You make the perfect match and then you coast in marriage.\u00a0 The reality is, on the front end you ask some good questions, you seek counsel, you pray, but then you make a commitment, and that\u2019s when the real work starts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and in fact, as we\u2019ve talked about the job description, that\u2019s where I\u2019d really tell people to start.\u00a0 If you look at a job description you\u2019re always looking at how much experience the person has had that you\u2019re getting ready to hire.\u00a0 In this particular situation, I would encourage single people to not look at the other person\u2019s resume and history of their work performance in preparation for marriage, but look first at their own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s your experience with God?\u00a0 How long have you been committed to him?\u00a0 What\u2019s been your commitment to your character, and what\u2019s been the track record of your character?\u00a0 How have you managed money?\u00a0 How have you handled debt?\u00a0 Are you running up tons of credit card bills and thinking that doesn\u2019t matter; you can carry those over into a marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, finally, the commitment to self- denial \u2013 It\u2019s at the heart of becoming a following of Christ, but I promise you, it is also at the heart of developing a great marriage.\u00a0 Marriage is not about \u2018me.\u2019\u00a0 It\u2019s about \u2018us.\u2019\u00a0 It\u2019s about \u2018you.\u2019\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSteve and Candice, I just want to thank you for your lives, your track record, your ministry, your heart for singles.\u00a0 I\u2019m thrilled you guys are helping singles today.\u00a0 I think there\u2019s a real battleground and I think they need some good folks like you coming alongside them.\u00a0 Thanks for being on the broadcast, and thanks for what you do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And thanks for what you put together here, too, in <em>A Guy\u2019s Guide to Marrying Well <\/em>and <em>A Girl\u2019s Guide to Marrying Well<\/em> \u2013 a collection of articles from folks like Gary Thomas and Josh Harris and Suzanne Hadley and Michael Lawrence and others.\u00a0 These are both free downloads, electronically published downloadable e-books: <em>\u00a0<\/em><em>A Guy\u2019s Guide to Marrying Well, A Girl\u2019s Guide to Marrying Well.<\/em>\u00a0 You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and we\u2019ve got the link that will take you right where you need to go so you can download either or both of these books.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of downloads, the MP3 of today\u2019s program is available for download.\u00a0 You can download yesterday and today\u2019s program \u2013 either listen back to them or pass them along to a friend \u2013 listen to them on your own schedule.\u00a0 Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and download these programs for free.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course, we\u2019ve got Candice\u2019s book, <em>Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen<\/em> in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 If you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com you can get a copy of that, or call us toll free at 1-800-FL-TODAY and we can arrange to have the book sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s called <em>Get Married:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>What Women Can Do to Help It Happen<\/em>.\u00a0 Call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request a copy or go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 We\u2019ve also got a link to the website we\u2019ve talked about today, marrywell.org, so while you\u2019re on the website you can click over and see what you guys have put together at marrywell.org.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then finally, Dennis, you were talking about the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em>.\u00a0 I was just out in San Antonio here a week and a half ago with a great group of folks.\u00a0 We had a great weekend at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and a number of the folks who came to that conference bought gift certificates to send to friends as Christmas gifts.\u00a0 I think some of them got them so they can come back again next year, and they\u2019ve already made t heir reservation, as it were.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are interested in a gift certificate to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> <em>Marriage Getaway<\/em>, and we have a number of them coming up this spring, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and you can order a <em>Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway<\/em> gift certificate.\u00a0 You can find out more about when the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is going to be in a city near where you live.\u00a0 Again, the website:\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tw\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tQuickly I want to remind our regular listeners of what Dennis mentioned at the beginning of today\u2019s program.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had some friends of FamilyLife who have come together and have issued a matching gift challenge, and the amount is up a little more than $2 million right now.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we are coming to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners and saying, \u201cCan you help us take advantage of this matching gift?\u201d\u00a0 We want to make sure that we take full advantage of the match, so we\u2019re asking you to make as generous a donation as you can make during the month of December.\u00a0 Every donation you make is going to be matched dollar for dollar with funds from the matching gift.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEither go online atFamilyLifeToday.com or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a $20 or a $30 or a $50 or a $100 or a $500 or a $1000 donation, and that donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar.\u00a0 Let me just say how grateful we are for those of you who have supported us in the past.\u00a0 We appreciate it and we hope if God is using the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in your life that you\u2019ll consider making a year-end contribution to support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope that you\u2019re going to be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Anne Dirks is going to join us.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to meet a very energetic, passionate, excited grandmother and hear about what she did when all of her grandkids came to her house to spend a week.\u00a0 It was a blast.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow; I hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2010 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["27.07M"],"filesize_raw":["28383670"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302172.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302172.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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do you audition for the role of \u201cspouse\"?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-12-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A lot of young single women have got the list put together, right?\u00a0 The list of what they\u2019re looking for in a future husband.\u00a0 Candice Watters wants to know, is the right stuff on the list?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, a young woman needs to know what she\u2019s looking for in a future husband, so to really have a clear-headedness about assessing the men you\u2019re choosing between:\u00a0 Is he going to be a godly leader?\u00a0 Am I going to be able to submit to this guy?\u00a0 What will that look like?\u00a0 Will he be a good and tender and loving father who can raise up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord?\u00a0 This is some pretty important stuff, but if you choose poorly, it can be a catastrophe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 7<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Marrying well is not something that just happens.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to be intentional.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, would you like to know Samson\u2019s way of looking for a woman?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember it.\u00a0 It\u2019s one of my favorite verses in the Bible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He comes back from visiting a foreign country and he goes to his mommy and daddy and says, \u201cMan, go get her for she looks good to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Looks good to me.\u00a0 I remember reading that and going, \u201cI can relate to ol\u2019 Samson there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What a criteria for selecting.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t marry her, I don\u2019t think, did he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 He did wind up with a few other unsavory women along the way, but I was thinking about this whole issue of getting married, because you know when I graduated from college and it came time to look for a job, I had to get serious.\u00a0 I had to get regimented; I had to send out resumes.\u00a0 I got busy in the pursuit of a job because that was what was next.\u00a0 When it came to finding a wife, I just kind of expected that it would happen . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So were you pretty passive about this then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I wasn\u2019t passive \u2013 I mean I was looking around, I was paying attention, but in the pursuit of a job and in the pursuit of a wife I had two very different mindsets about one.\u00a0 One you go out and get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that was kind of Samson\u2019s idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other one though was just kind of supposed to happen more mysteriously with less initiative.\u00a0 You know, you didn\u2019t send out a resume to ten different girls and say, \u201cYou got anything open at your place?\u201d\u00a0 You just expected to kind of meet and get to . . . and I\u2019m wondering now (actually, it worked out pretty well for me), but I\u2019m just wondering if the generation coming up needs to be as intentional about pursuing marriage as they are about pursuing other aspects of their life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you said it worked out well, by the way, if Mary Ann is listening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Before we talk to Steve and Candice Watters about this subject of marrying well today, I just want to talk to our listeners about standing with us in what has become the largest matching gift in the history of our ministry here in the month of December.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have come along and they have put together a matching gift fund of now a little more than $2 million.\u00a0 So every donation we receive during December is being matched on a dollar for dollar basis.\u00a0 We\u2019re asking listeners to make as generous a donation as you can so we can take full advantage of this matching gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 And if you want to keep <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on this station on an ongoing basis, then we just need you to step up and do what you can to stand with us right now.\u00a0 You know, Bob, more people than ever are downloading our broadcasts on their iPhones, their iPads, their Droids.\u00a0 They\u2019re experiencing the benefits of this broadcast, and we really need some of them to step up and say, \u201cWe want to keep this broadcast coming and able to be downloaded for free, so that we can enjoy the benefits of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want you to know as a listener, what we\u2019re all about here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is bringing the timeless truths of Scripture to your home, to your life, to your family, in an authentic way, and helping you as best we can know how to apply them to win in life\u2019s most important commitments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation, or you can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone.\u00a0 We just want to say in advance, thanks for your support and your partnership.\u00a0 We appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, what about this issue of being intentional about pursuing someone in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think this next generation of single folks needs to be trained and they need to have a biblical perspective about being single and about following Christ, and then how to make the selection of who they\u2019re going to marry.\u00a0 We have a couple with us whose lives and ministry are all about marrying well.\u00a0 Steve and Candice Watters join us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Steve, Candice, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Steve and Candice have four children, been married since 1997, and have a ministry called <em>Marry Well<\/em>, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And a website by the same name, marrywell.org, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re all about helping singles be equipped to make this choice.\u00a0 Where should they start if they\u2019re going to marry well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do they need to put a resume together like I\u2019m talking about here?\u00a0 Get it circulated?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Get it online and get a head hunter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Get some references.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, your website actually \u2013 what you\u2019re recommending for singles as they come to your website \u2013 that they bring a pastor, a mentor, someone who has discipled them.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 You know, it is a larger picture.\u00a0 It does start with asking, \u201cWhat is marriage, and what is marriage all about?\u201d\u00a0 Because obviously there are plenty of opportunities for companionship and dating.\u00a0 When you talk about marriage, people know it\u2019s something different, and so you start with, \u201cWhat is the biblical job description for marriage?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s very different from Hollywood marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think probably one of the biggest concerns we have is that a lot of good, well-intentioned Christian people are waiting for God to write their Hollywood love story. They are waiting for something to fall in their laps, and even the model they have of what they\u2019re waiting for has a little bit of God in it, but has a whole lot of the last movie they saw, and a lot of what they are reading and seeing around them.\u00a0 That\u2019s not necessarily what God designed for marriage, and they are the ones that are often the most frustrated, the most bitter at God because he\u2019s not delivering that for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Candice, you know I talk about, kind of tongue-in-cheek, do you apply for a spouse the same way you apply for a job, but I think there is this other side to it where we just think that we\u2019re going to wander through life and at some point Cupid with the arrow is going to hit us and the other person simultaneously, and there\u2019s going to be the spark and we\u2019re going to know this is what life is supposed to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Well you know the emotional aspect of falling in love is an important part of the process, but I think we\u2019ve made it the only part of the process.\u00a0 It\u2019s all we focus on, and we need to be aware of what we bring to a marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA young woman needs to know what are the benefits she\u2019s going to bring to this relationship.\u00a0 What are her strengths, what are her skills?\u00a0 She also needs to know what she\u2019s looking for.\u00a0 What benefits and strengths and skills is she looking for in a future husband?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so, to really have a clear-headedness about assessing the men you\u2019re choosing between.\u00a0 Is he going to be . . .\u00a0 Not just is he attractive and do I get the excitement in my heart when I\u2019m with him?\u00a0 You know, does he make me tingly or nervous or butterflies in my belly?\u00a0 Is he going to be a godly leader?\u00a0 Am I going to be able to submit to this guy?\u00a0 What will that look like?\u00a0 Will he be a good and tender and loving father who can raise up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord?\u00a0 I mean this is some pretty important stuff.\u00a0 Like Steve said last time, if you choose well this can be the catalyst to great fruitfulness for the kingdom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt.\u00a0 No doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 But if you choose poorly, it can be a catastrophe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Candice, I\u2019m listening to you and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cYes, you\u2019ve been married thirteen years.\u00a0 You\u2019ve made the choice, you\u2019ve sealed the deal.\u201d\u00a0 How clear in your thinking were you as a single woman about these matters before you started dating Steve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was pretty clear about what I was going to bring to the table, Dennis.\u00a0 I at one point actually sat down with Steve when I was thinking we should be together and we weren\u2019t, and I said, talking about another guy who decided he didn\u2019t want to date me, I said to Steve, \u201cI don\u2019t understand why he walked away.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to be a good wife, and I\u2019m a good cook,\u201d and I started kind of listing. . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had your resume right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s embarrassing now.\u00a0 He laughs about it, but I really did have a sense of I want this, and I hope to have it and I hope God blesses me with it, but I didn\u2019t have a whole lot of clarity. I just prayed every day.\u00a0 And when I met a guy that I was attracted to I think I threw up some prayers and said, \u201cOh, Lord, please let it happen.\u201d\u00a0 I went into it na\u00efve, I think.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I\u2019m so glad my parents prayed all those years for a good match, and I think this is why the prayers of parents matter, because when you\u2019re the twenty-something, and in this culture you\u2019re just kind of going with the flow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Steve, if you were sitting with a young man today and he was saying, \u201cBoy this girl.\u00a0 She \u2013 ahhh \u2013 she makes my heart flutter.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 And there were some red flags in the relationship, you would say, \u201cDown boy.\u00a0 Even though she makes your heart flutter, those red flags ought to be a concern.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me turn it around.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say you\u2019re sitting with this guy and he\u2019s going, \u201cShe\u2019s a great gal.\u00a0 She can cook and she can do this and she can do that, and she\u2019s everything Candice had on her resume, but she doesn\u2019t make my heart flutter.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cSo, do I pursue that because it\u2019s a good match up here even though there\u2019s not an emotional spark?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Obviously emotions matter, and it gives you a good rocket booster, if you will, to get into a relationship.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve seen in my relationship with Candice and a lot of other guys, love can grow if you build it on a foundation of solid friendship and of people who have a shared passion for God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Life-long commitment, where that relationship feels secure and safe to be real and fail and get forgiven and be loved in spite of.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So would you say to the guy when he says \u201cShe\u2019s a great match but there\u2019s no spark,\u201d \u201cGo ahead and pursue it.\u00a0 The spark will come.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say, \u201cSee if it can cultivate.\u00a0 Love can grow on that kind of foundation.\u201d\u00a0 Now, probably what\u2019s worse is where there\u2019s a spark but no foundation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Am I mixing my metaphors?\u00a0 Is that bad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we all have seen spark and no foundation and how that can lead to ruin.\u00a0 I\u2019m just curious about good foundation and no spark.\u00a0 What would you say to the guy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, we\u2019ve actually encouraged women at different points and men, \u201cHey look.\u00a0 I know you don\u2019t feel it yet, but we observe objectively you guys are a good match, and we think you should at least give it a shot.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ve advised people to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 We advise them to let it cultivate and if after a period of time there\u2019s still nothing there . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 There does need to be some kind of cultivation to build a life on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So \u201cgive it a shot\u2019 means hang out together, spend some time getting to know one another, and just see if some of that quiver in the liver starts to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll tell you that . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Quiver in the liver!\u00a0 (Laughter)\u00a0 Where did that come from?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve had that, haven\u2019t you?\u00a0 A quiver?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 What you don\u2019t want to do is encourage them to spend time together and start to be sexual or physical to see if those emotions kick in, because then you create a disaster.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 You start with where the connections are.\u00a0 I mean, Candice and I had a shared passion and that\u2019s what we built from.\u00a0 We encourage people, even if they don\u2019t feel a romantic spark, to say, \u201cWere you brought together because you both enjoyed serving in the children\u2019s ministry?\u00a0 Was it because you both enjoyed a certain author or artist?\u201d\u00a0 Start with that.\u00a0 Start with the thing that you do have a shared passion with.\u00a0 See if that grows.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And again, we\u2019ve said it many ways here, but remember that the order in which you become one is leave, cleave and become one.\u00a0 Most singles today start the relationship becoming one.\u00a0 They start with the sexual dimension and sharing intimacies that should only be reserved for the committed relationship of marriage.\u00a0 When you do that, as Bob says, the liver . . .\u00a0 How did you say it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The quiver in the liver.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The quiver in the liver may occur at that point, but it\u2019s not going to be a great foundation for the marriage, because most of marriage is lived outside of the quiver.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean, love, in my opinion, is not a feeling.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Love is a commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the great lie of Hollywood is that love\u2019s first a feeling and then maybe it\u2019s a commitment, and if a commitment at all, it\u2019s a temporal commitment, or a conditional commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve had the opportunity in recent days to be coaching a young man who is in his late teens, and he\u2019s looking at relationships and kind of evaluating them.\u00a0 I\u2019ve said to him, \u201cWhen a relationship becomes exclusive and romantic, when those two dimensions click in in a relationship, you better be headed toward marriage and both of you understanding that, or you\u2019re headed toward trouble \u2013\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c-- either a bad break up down the way or temptation you don\u2019t want to face.\u201d\u00a0 But I said, \u201cWhen it becomes exclusive or when it becomes romantic, those are course-setting things \u2013\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201c\u2014and you shouldn\u2019t allow your heart to go to either one of those until you\u2019re ready to say, \u2018If this proceeds the way I think it might be proceeding, I\u2019m ready to get married.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I\u2019ve heard from so many twenty-something women who will be with a guy \u2013 he\u2019s a good friend of her\u2019s \u2013 and she\u2019s thinking this could go to marriage, and she\u2019ll kind of maybe ask the question, \u201cWhere is this headed?\u00a0 What are your intentions?\u201d\u00a0 And the guy will say, \u201cWell, I just want to protect your heart, so we\u2019re just not going to go there.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say to her, \u201cYou have already gone there and so has he, and he\u2019s defrauding you.\u201d\u00a0 You know, these women and young men, they get together and they act like they\u2019re married.\u00a0 They may not be having sex, although statistically a lot of them are, but even if that piece is not there, they are still at a level of intimacy in their friendship that . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There\u2019s emotional fornication going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 I think this whole idea that a young man will say, \u201cWell I just want to protect your heart\u201d-- I want to say to him, \u201cYou need to be strong and courageous.\u00a0 The way you protect her heart is by marrying her.\u00a0 Make an honest woman of her.\u00a0 Form a family.\u00a0 Do all this for God\u2019s glory, and just watch what God does in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 What we\u2019ve found though is that those couples tend to have the most confusion.\u00a0 They\u2019re trying to figure out, \u201cWhy does this seem so confusing?\u201d\u00a0 What we\u2019ve found is almost every time a single or a couple that\u2019s been dating feels confused about relationships, there\u2019s already been unnecessary physical connection.\u00a0 Their bodies are already bonding, even though they haven\u2019t decided if this is the person I want to be bonded with.\u00a0 And then, oftentimes they\u2019re doing this totally off the reservation from community, from their church, from their mentors, from their parents, from people who can objectively look in and give counsel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what we\u2019ve found is that relationships will always be mysterious.\u00a0 There\u2019s something about it, of all the things in our Christian walk, there will be things about dating relationships and marriage that we\u2019ll never understand.\u00a0 Men will never quite understand women.\u00a0 But, there is no reason that we should layer on the unnecessary mystery because we\u2019ve been prematurely physical, because we\u2019re not bringing in counsel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking about your website, marrywell.org, where there is an opportunity for people to meet one another and to kind of get to know one another, view profiles, and I\u2019m thinking about Amazon where, at the bottom, you\u2019ve got \u201ccustomers who like this person also might like . . .\u201d\u00a0 I just wonder if you\u2019ve got that built in.\u00a0 \u201cIf you like this guy, you might check out these three as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Or \u201cadd to cart.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, the thing that I\u2019ve seen in single men, especially after the age of 28 or 29, somewhere in there, this fear that you\u2019re talking about doesn\u2019t just increase with interest.\u00a0 It\u2019s like it exponentially increases as they approach 30 and after 30 and \u201cthe decision\u201d and \u201cthe commitment\u201d becomes so huge, so large, so scary, so frightening, that many of them recoil from it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 I know there was some great commentary back when Prince William was considering marriage in his 20s.\u00a0 One of the pieces of commentary was, \u201cYou know, there\u2019s something about the valor of our 20s, that when men are young there\u2019s a risk taking, there\u2019s a willingness to get out there and have courage that into your 30s turns into calculation and care and carefulness.\u00a0 Things that are good for married men who no longer need to be out there pushing the edges and taking as bold of a risk.\u201d\u00a0 But that\u2019s a bad thing if you haven\u2019t made the leap yet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember my wedding day, thinking to myself.\u00a0 I was 23, Mary Ann was twenty \u2013 I\u2019m not going to say how old she was.\u00a0 I was 23, she was a different age, and I remember thinking, \u201cThis is forever.\u00a0 How do you know?\u201d\u00a0 There was this song on the radio at the time, \u201cIt\u2019s sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, that \u2013 you know \u2013 buyer\u2019s remorse is a huge fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m about to say \u2018yes\u2019 forever.\u00a0 What if I meet the \u2018one\u2019 next week?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 But see, that\u2019s totally counter to the biblical mindset that says, \u201cWhen you say \u2018I do,\u2019 that <em>is<\/em> the one.\u201d\u00a0 Case closed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember thinking that day, \u201cHow does anybody make this decision?\u201d\u00a0 and ultimately you make it by faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You step up and say, \u201cBy faith I receive you as the one for me,\u201d and if I meet somebody next week and think, \u201cBoy, maybe she was the right . . . .\u201d\u00a0 No, she wasn\u2019t the right one.\u00a0 You met the right one right here and by faith you sealed the deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it goes back to the fact that in a consumer-minded culture you think all the work is on the front end:\u00a0 You make the perfect match and then you coast in marriage.\u00a0 The reality is, on the front end you ask some good questions, you seek counsel, you pray, but then you make a commitment, and that\u2019s when the real work starts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and in fact, as we\u2019ve talked about the job description, that\u2019s where I\u2019d really tell people to start.\u00a0 If you look at a job description you\u2019re always looking at how much experience the person has had that you\u2019re getting ready to hire.\u00a0 In this particular situation, I would encourage single people to not look at the other person\u2019s resume and history of their work performance in preparation for marriage, but look first at their own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What\u2019s your experience with God?\u00a0 How long have you been committed to him?\u00a0 What\u2019s been your commitment to your character, and what\u2019s been the track record of your character?\u00a0 How have you managed money?\u00a0 How have you handled debt?\u00a0 Are you running up tons of credit card bills and thinking that doesn\u2019t matter; you can carry those over into a marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, finally, the commitment to self- denial \u2013 It\u2019s at the heart of becoming a following of Christ, but I promise you, it is also at the heart of developing a great marriage.\u00a0 Marriage is not about \u2018me.\u2019\u00a0 It\u2019s about \u2018us.\u2019\u00a0 It\u2019s about \u2018you.\u2019\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSteve and Candice, I just want to thank you for your lives, your track record, your ministry, your heart for singles.\u00a0 I\u2019m thrilled you guys are helping singles today.\u00a0 I think there\u2019s a real battleground and I think they need some good folks like you coming alongside them.\u00a0 Thanks for being on the broadcast, and thanks for what you do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Candice:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And thanks for what you put together here, too, in <em>A Guy\u2019s Guide to Marrying Well <\/em>and <em>A Girl\u2019s Guide to Marrying Well<\/em> \u2013 a collection of articles from folks like Gary Thomas and Josh Harris and Suzanne Hadley and Michael Lawrence and others.\u00a0 These are both free downloads, electronically published downloadable e-books: <em>\u00a0<\/em><em>A Guy\u2019s Guide to Marrying Well, A Girl\u2019s Guide to Marrying Well.<\/em>\u00a0 You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and we\u2019ve got the link that will take you right where you need to go so you can download either or both of these books.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of downloads, the MP3 of today\u2019s program is available for download.\u00a0 You can download yesterday and today\u2019s program \u2013 either listen back to them or pass them along to a friend \u2013 listen to them on your own schedule.\u00a0 Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and download these programs for free.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course, we\u2019ve got Candice\u2019s book, <em>Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen<\/em> in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 If you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com you can get a copy of that, or call us toll free at 1-800-FL-TODAY and we can arrange to have the book sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s called <em>Get Married:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>What Women Can Do to Help It Happen<\/em>.\u00a0 Call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request a copy or go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 We\u2019ve also got a link to the website we\u2019ve talked about today, marrywell.org, so while you\u2019re on the website you can click over and see what you guys have put together at marrywell.org.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then finally, Dennis, you were talking about the <em>Weekend to Remember\u00ae<\/em>.\u00a0 I was just out in San Antonio here a week and a half ago with a great group of folks.\u00a0 We had a great weekend at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and a number of the folks who came to that conference bought gift certificates to send to friends as Christmas gifts.\u00a0 I think some of them got them so they can come back again next year, and they\u2019ve already made t heir reservation, as it were.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are interested in a gift certificate to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> <em>Marriage Getaway<\/em>, and we have a number of them coming up this spring, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com and you can order a <em>Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway<\/em> gift certificate.\u00a0 You can find out more about when the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is going to be in a city near where you live.\u00a0 Again, the website:\u00a0 FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tw\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tQuickly I want to remind our regular listeners of what Dennis mentioned at the beginning of today\u2019s program.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had some friends of FamilyLife who have come together and have issued a matching gift challenge, and the amount is up a little more than $2 million right now.\u00a0 That\u2019s why we are coming to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners and saying, \u201cCan you help us take advantage of this matching gift?\u201d\u00a0 We want to make sure that we take full advantage of the match, so we\u2019re asking you to make as generous a donation as you can make during the month of December.\u00a0 Every donation you make is going to be matched dollar for dollar with funds from the matching gift.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEither go online atFamilyLifeToday.com or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a $20 or a $30 or a $50 or a $100 or a $500 or a $1000 donation, and that donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar.\u00a0 Let me just say how grateful we are for those of you who have supported us in the past.\u00a0 We appreciate it and we hope if God is using the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in your life that you\u2019ll consider making a year-end contribution to support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope that you\u2019re going to be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Anne Dirks is going to join us.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to meet a very energetic, passionate, excited grandmother and hear about what she did when all of her grandkids came to her house to spend a week.\u00a0 It was a blast.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow; I hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2010 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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