{"id":302170,"date":"2010-12-03T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-12-03T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/clinging-to-the-truth\/"},"modified":"2010-12-03T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-12-03T17:00:00","slug":"clinging-to-the-truth","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/clinging-to-the-truth\/","title":{"rendered":"Clinging to the Truth"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When is fear an appropriate response?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-12-03.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.11M","filesize_raw":"26334949","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[7772],"cwp_profile":[3332],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302170","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","tag-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-moving-from-fear-to-freedom","cwp_profile-grace-fox","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302170\/clinging-to-the-truth","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302170\/clinging-to-the-truth","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"GEEdtS90AV\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/clinging-to-the-truth\/\">Clinging to the Truth<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/clinging-to-the-truth\/embed\/#?secret=GEEdtS90AV\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Clinging to the Truth&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"GEEdtS90AV\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"When is fear an appropriate response?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-12-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s one thing to be afraid when you hear a strange noise in the night in your house or when a copperhead snake slithers across your path.\u00a0 But it\u2019s something altogether different to be afraid of what people are going to think about you.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Grace Fox.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 The fear of man can be something that can really hold us captive, because that can really dictate how we look at ourselves and how we respond to life and we\u2019re afraid of rejection with that, right?\u00a0 What if they reject me, if I\u2019m honest with somebody about what I\u2019ve been?\u00a0 But you know, God is so merciful and he is so good, where he will look at those things from our past and see how he can use them to help somebody else who is still struggling in the same way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, December 3<sup>rd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about how we can renew our minds so that we\u2019re not held captive to a fear of man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, some fears are irrational. It\u2019s just a fear that -- you really shouldn\u2019t be afraid of it; it\u2019s just an irrational fear.\u00a0 But there are fears that come into our lives that it makes sense to be a little afraid of the circumstances around us.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, absolutely.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget going fly-fishing one time in the Rockies and I was wearing my waders and I was walking up a trail that was covered with weeds about two-and-a-half feet high and lying across the path was a rattler.\u00a0 It would have been stupidity, foolishness to have not screamed and yelled and jumped like I did.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t keep going up the trail.\u00a0 Fishing is wonderful, but you know what?\u00a0 That fear is the kind of self-preservation that says, \u201cStay out of the street.\u00a0 Don\u2019t go in that dangerous place.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Fear is not all bad, is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It isn\u2019t.\u00a0 It is a God-given emotion that like a red light on a dashboard of a car tells you that something is wrong.\u00a0 It\u2019s how we respond to it and what we do at that point.\u00a0 We have a guest with us, Grace Fox, who has written a book, <em>Moving From Fear to Freedom,<\/em> who joins us for another day.\u00a0 Thank you, Grace, for coming back.\u00a0 Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am so thrilled to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She is from the grand country of Canada.\u00a0 She and her husband head up a ministry there.\u00a0 She has been married since 1982 and has three children and three grandchildren.\u00a0 I want to take you back, Grace, to a time when you were in college and you skipped a senior retreat by faking illness.\u00a0 Why\u2019d you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 It took me years to be able to figure out why I did that, but I\u2019ll tell you what happened.\u00a0 I had been engaged to be married to somebody else, and that person decided that he became attracted to a different woman and so I was engaged and I got dumped, and I was going through all of that rejection stuff.\u00a0 So, for months I\u2019d been processing that, and I never told anybody of the pain that I was feeling inside about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the senior retreat came around in the springtime and it was a big deal at that place.\u00a0 The biggest event of the senior year and my girlfriends were all so excited about going and planning all the fun that they were going to have, and I faked illness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI checked into the infirmary, and I remember my best friend saying, \u201cGrace, just come.\u00a0 You can rest there.\u201d\u00a0 I just said, \u201cI\u2019m so sick.\u00a0 I just feel so sick.\u00a0 I just can\u2019t go.\u201d\u00a0 So that\u2019s where I spent the weekend of the senior retreat, in the infirmary, faking illness, because I was afraid of being rejected again.\u00a0 I just didn\u2019t want to put myself into a social setting where there could be a possibility of being rejected in any kind of way at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Who would reject you at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 You see, I think I was so stuck in my emotions that I didn\u2019t even process that, but I think I was just thinking, \u201cI\u2019m not good enough.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You said it took you years to figure out why you\u2019d done it.\u00a0 When you were doing it, were you just thinking, \u201cI just don\u2019t want to be with people?\u201d\u00a0 I mean you were faking it, you knew you were faking it \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you thinking, \u201cI just don\u2019t have the energy to do it, I\u2019m . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there was still so much pain in my life that I had never shared with anybody, and I think again, the fear of rejection:\u00a0 \u201cIf I talk to people about how I\u2019m feeling, what are they going to think of me?\u00a0 I\u2019m not a woman who has it all together.\u201d\u00a0 At that immediate point when I checked myself into the infirmary I think it was more putting up a wall of protection around me.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not going to get hurt again; I\u2019m just not going to put myself in a position of possibly being hurt in any possible way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you surveyed women as you were out speaking at women\u2019s retreats, and you talked to more than 350 women about fears, did this fear of rejection pop up as one of the issues?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely it popped up!\u00a0 Over and over again women would say, \u201cI\u2019m afraid that my husband is going to stop loving me at some point.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m afraid my husband is going to find somebody else who he will find more attractive or more interesting.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019m afraid of spending the rest of my life alone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even if he\u2019s a good guy and has never given any indication that he\u2019s going to stop loving you, is this one of these irrational fears I was talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 It probably is, but to the woman who\u2019s mucked in that emotion, she doesn\u2019t see it as irrational at all.\u00a0 There\u2019s this subconscious thing of \u201cMaybe I\u2019m not going to be good enough, maybe I\u2019m not going to . . .\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA husband might say, \u201cI love you, I love you, I love you\u201d as many times as he wants, but if a woman has been hurt in the past like that, and she has that sense inside of not being good enough and \u201cI got burned once, I might get burned again,\u201d then it\u2019s going to take a long time for her to truly trust again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve really described Barbara when we first married.\u00a0 She had some old tapes playing \u2013 that was back when there were tapes -- tapes that played . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you sure these weren\u2019t 45\u2019s playing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Uh, they weren\u2019t 45\u2019s.\u00a0 They were tapes.\u00a0 It could have been . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Eight tracks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> . . . eight track tapes, but . . . .\u00a0 You know, we\u2019re laughing about it, but for her, just exactly like you described, Grace, she really wondered and was really afraid, would I stop loving her?\u00a0 Over the next fifteen years in our marriage, that really became a theme of our marriage:\u00a0 Did I love her?\u00a0 Did I accept her?\u00a0 Would I reject her?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually a message came out of that in our marriage.\u00a0 We wrote a book together called <em>Building Your Mate\u2019s Self-Esteem.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Barbara did a lot of building in my life in areas where I felt deficient and I needed to be believed in and built-up and encouraged and have the truth spoken to me by her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I also loved her and loved some of that fear out of her enough to be able to put a book together and talk about twelve building blocks that, really a husband and a wife, if they properly understand, can begin to build into their spouse\u2019s lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of them was unconditional acceptance.\u00a0 It was communicating \u201cI love you even though;\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI love you in spite of;\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI am committed to you.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not going anywhere.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d marry you all over again.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but see, Mary Ann would say, \u201cI know you\u2019re not going anywhere and I know you\u2019re committed to me, but what I want to know is not are you here because you\u2019re stuck.\u00a0 I want to know are you here because you want to be?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 \u201cDo I have value?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think those are the tapes that play:\u00a0 \u201cAm I worthless?\u00a0 I\u2019ve been rejected in the past.\u00a0 Do I have value?\u00a0 Am I a person that is esteemed?\u201d\u00a0 The concept of building another person\u2019s self-esteem today is not a buzz word but it is still a core human need to feel like you truly are loved because of who you are and in spite of who you aren\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That you have worth and value.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Well, I can totally relate to what you were just saying about Barbara because years into our marriage I had that sense that maybe my husband would find somebody else and replace me.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s because that had happened to me before.\u00a0 My husband never gave me any reason to doubt his integrity, ever, ever, ever.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe issue was with me, and that I was afraid to look back and to acknowledge what had happened in my past and the hurt that I had experienced because it was so hurtful to look back and to admit that to anybody that \u201cI was rejected.\u00a0 Boy, maybe there\u2019s something wrong with me.\u00a0 She was prettier than me,\u201d or whatever.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s obviously something wrong with me.\u201d\u00a0 So I carried that with me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one point about ten years into our marriage, I finally, at a weekend retreat for married couples, had to face that and I came to that point of being able to say to my husband, \u201cYou know, when you say you love me, I hear it, but I have a hard time absorbing that.\u00a0 So when I say \u2018I love you\u2019 back I\u2019m saying it but it takes me a little while to actually get those words out because I\u2019m afraid of getting hurt again, because somebody else said he loved me but he walked out on me.\u00a0 What\u2019s to prevent you from doing the same thing?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo to be able to really get that out and to finally acknowledge the hurt that I\u2019d experienced before, which was hurtful again to revisit that, but I believe that it\u2019s important when we\u2019ve been hurt in the past in some way to be able to get to that point of acknowledging it and what it did to our lives.\u00a0 That\u2019s often the first step in healing and moving forward past that fear of rejection again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is part of your assignment as a man or as a woman to love that other person\u2019s fears out of them.\u00a0 They may never be gone totally, but your assignment is, back to I John 4:\u00a0 \u201cPerfect love casts out all fear.\u201d\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t say \u201csome fear;\u201d it says \u201call fear.\u201d\u00a0 Now, God\u2019s love does that perfectly.\u00a0 Our assignment is to do that with another human being.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, didn\u2019t you ever find yourself though getting to the point where you\u2019re going, \u201cLook . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cGet over it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve told you I love you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 And that was one of the big deals, Bob.\u00a0 I actually had to say to Barbara one time, I said, \u201cLook, when you don\u2019t believe me when I tell you I love you, you need to realize I\u2019m feeling like you\u2019re questioning . . .\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re calling me a liar!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. \u201cYou\u2019re questioning whether I\u2019m telling you the truth.\u00a0 You can choose to believe it or not.\u201d\u00a0 That sounds cold and calculating, but at some point, and I don\u2019t remember if it was ten years, 15 years, but at some point in there the message does get through.\u00a0 It did get through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But there are a lot of guys who will just go, \u201cI\u2019m just going to quit saying it.\u00a0 I mean, I\u2019ve said it and I\u2019ve said it and I\u2019ve said it.\u00a0 I\u2019m just going to quit saying it if you\u2019re not going to believe it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s not the right thing to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, because the roots grow down deep and it takes a lot of pulling to get some of those roots out, doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say to the husbands, just be gentle with your wives.\u00a0 You know when Scripture says, \u201cWomen, respect your husbands and husbands love your wives, \u201cthat\u2019s what that loving is all about.\u00a0 Be persistent in that and keep assuring her that you value her through your actions, and your attitudes and your words.\u00a0 Find out what her love language is, and just keep applying that and applying that and applying that and be patient.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that the woman can do though, I mean there are things that we need to do as women as well if we\u2019re struggling in that area \u2013 the fear of rejection and inadequacy \u2013 is to stop believing the lies of the enemy, because the enemy is the one that is saying, \u201cYou\u2019re worth nothing.\u00a0 Somebody dumped you before so there\u2019s something wrong with you.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s the thing: there\u2019s something wrong with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or the enemy accuses you of your past and the mistakes you made in the past.\u00a0 When you married Gene, you actually made a choice on your wedding day that showed some of the emotion that you brought into your marriage to him, in the choice of your wedding dress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 Yes, I remember that, because I went out and bought my wedding dress and I bought it to be champagne-colored.\u00a0 I thought I didn\u2019t deserve a white dress because of some choices that I had made in my earlier dating days.\u00a0 Those are choices that I regretted so I thought, \u201cI don\u2019t deserve to wear white.\u201d\u00a0 So when people said to me, \u201cOh, a champagne-colored dress.\u00a0 That\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 Why didn\u2019t you choose white?\u201d\u00a0 I just said, \u201cWell, because I look better in champagne.\u201d\u00a0 So I lied about that, and dug my hole of guilt a little deeper by doing that yet as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So here you are standing on your wedding day in a dress that is the one your conscience would allow you to wear, and yet it\u2019s a statement in front of everybody that you\u2019re not wearing white.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and it\u2019s also a statement that she\u2019s not believing the truth that Jesus Christ died for all those sins and cleaned you up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 At that point, that was probably a picture of your soul, of where you were struggling with believing the truth about what God said about you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace: <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, totally. I grew up in a Christian home.\u00a0 I grew up knowing these truths in my head, but, you know, Sunday school theology just didn\u2019t line up with me in real life, I guess, as a young adult like that when I got married.\u00a0 It\u2019s taken me a long time to process all this.\u00a0 Part of writing the book was healing for me, I think, although I realized still how painful some of those things were for me in the past.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve had women say to me after retreats, \u201cYou know, I wore a champagne-colored dress too, and I didn\u2019t tell anybody else why I picked that color dress either.\u201d\u00a0 I realize that a lot of women are out there dealing with stuff from their past, and some deal with it in different ways.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing that I do at a retreat often when we speak of this whole issue of our past and feeling valued or whatever, not wanting to face those ghosts of our past because it\u2019s a frightening thing to have to revisit those things sometimes \u2013 often there will be a cross at the front.\u00a0 We\u2019ll have women write out some of those things that they\u2019re struggling with, the things that they don\u2019t want to revisit from the past that are hindering them from moving forward into emotional wholeness, and they will write things out on a piece of paper and then nail it to the cross.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, what\u2019s an interesting thing for me as many, many times the papers that they put on the cross are still folded over, which tells me that they know in their head that they are nailing this to the cross because Jesus took it to the cross for them once for all, but they still don\u2019t want anybody to find out.\u00a0 There\u2019s only been one retreat that I\u2019ve been at where I noticed that on that cross there were a number of those little papers that were nailed wide open.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t care if anybody saw what was written there, and I thought, \u201cThat tells me that they\u2019re okay with other people knowing, that they\u2019re not afraid of that fear of rejection any more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Which ultimately comes down to a fear of man.\u00a0 The Bible talks about fearing God and not man.\u00a0 It\u2019s one thing to be appropriate in what we share or in what context we share it, or who knows what, but when we are controlled by a fear of man, that\u2019s not a healthy place for us to be, is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would be an unhealthy fear, because that can really dictate how we look at ourselves and how we respond to life.\u00a0 Yes, the fear of man can be something that can really hold us captive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Again, we\u2019re afraid of rejection with that, right?\u00a0 What if they reject me, if I\u2019m honest with somebody about what I\u2019ve been?\u00a0 But you know, God is so merciful and he is so good, where he will look at those things from our past and see how he can use them to help somebody else who is still struggling in the same way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I\u2019m thinking just of where everybody is living today and we\u2019re talking about the fear of rejection and we\u2019re talking about the fear of dealing with our past and coming to grips with that, but Canada and America right now are going through a recession, some tough times economically, where almost ten percent of the population is unemployed.\u00a0 It\u2019s those moments that strike at the core of the heart of a woman who is all about security and in need of being reminded of God\u2019s provision and the truth about how he\u2019ll protect them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were these financial fears - was that one of the stacks in your living room as you sorted through the responses from women?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. Absolutely.\u00a0 I can totally relate to the fear of financial insecurity, because we are missionaries on faith support.\u00a0 We\u2019ve actually been on faith support for eighteen years.\u00a0 I feel like we\u2019ve been to the brink and back, at times wondering how we\u2019re going to make ends meet at the end of each month, but God has been faithful every month.\u00a0 We\u2019ve never been able to figure out his strategy.\u00a0 He\u2019s kept us guessing, but he\u2019s always been faithful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You tell a story in your book of a woman by the name of Ann who got a call while at work that her house was on fire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 She\u2019s a friend of mine, and they actually owned two homes.\u00a0 This was the place where they spent most of their summers in a cabin on a beautiful little island, but it was the only structure on this little, teeny, tiny island, so it was impossible for a fire engine to reach there.\u00a0 Any firefighting that would be done would be from a boat, and so by the time they got there everything was gone.\u00a0 Her husband is ill; he is not able to work, so she is responsible for the family business.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was an amazing story, how, she said, they went back to look at what remained afterwards:\u00a0 just charred embers still smoking.\u00a0 She found a little piece of paper lying on the rail of the kind of wharf that was there on this little dock that they had, and it said, \u201cCount your blessings.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cThat\u2019s right.\u00a0 These material things are gone, but we\u2019re still together as a family, we still have our health for the most part,\u201d and how that changed her focus from having this wonderful little home on the island to still having her family, and that\u2019s what really mattered most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ultimately it doesn\u2019t matter what the object of your fear is.\u00a0 It seems like the antidote to your fear keeps coming back to, \u201cWhat do we believe is true about God?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is, and where we let our thoughts go, because so often the enemy will come at us with the \u201cwhat if\u2019s,\u201d so if we\u2019re afraid for our child\u2019s well-being, it\u2019s \u201cWell, what if they get hurt?\u00a0 What if somebody beats them up on the playground?\u201d\u00a0 Or \u201cWhat if my daughter dates an unbeliever,\u201d or whatever that might be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it\u2019s the fear of facing the ghosts of our past and admitting the pain that we\u2019ve had, the enemy will say, \u201cWell, what if somebody finds out what you\u2019ve done?\u00a0 They\u2019re not going to love you anymore,\u201d or \u201cThey\u2019re not going to want to have anything to do with you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinances is, \u201cWell, what if you don\u2019t have enough to make ends meet?\u00a0 Maybe you need to go get a second job.\u201d\u00a0 We might even put our family life at risk because of that fear of financial insecurity.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a matter of saying, \u201cWait a minute.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just stop here and say \u2018What voice am I listening to?\u00a0 Where is my focus?\u00a0 What am I thinking about?\u00a0 Whose voice is this anyways?\u2019\u201d and then go back to the truth and say, \u201cWhat does the truth of God\u2019s Word say?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe that so long as we\u2019re warm and breathing we will never be without fearful situations.\u00a0 It just isn\u2019t going to happen because that\u2019s the world we live in.\u00a0 But it\u2019s what we do with those fearful thoughts when they come to mind that makes all the difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 (Singing) When I am afraid, I will trust in You . . .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\u00a0 I just say, \u201cWrite out promises on 3 x 5 cards and put them all around your house if you have to.\u201d\u00a0 You know, I\u2019ve had them on my fridge.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had them by the kitchen sink.\u00a0 I\u2019ve put them by the computer monitor.\u00a0 When I was driving my kids here and there everywhere I taped it to the dashboard of our vehicle because when those fearful thoughts were there I needed to know how to respond, and so I had the truth written out so I could go to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, here\u2019s a verse that a listener can write out on one of those 3 x 5 cards:\u00a0 Isaiah 41:9-10.\u00a0 I\u2019ve often read this passage and quite honestly, need to be reminded of it from time to time.\u00a0 This is God speaking.\u00a0 He says, \u201cYou are my servant.\u00a0 I have chosen you and not cast you off.\u00a0 Fear not, for I am with you.\u00a0 Be not dismayed, for I am your God.\u00a0 I will strengthen you.\u00a0 I will help you.\u00a0 I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow if a human being said that to another human being, that\u2019d be a nice promise, but that wasn\u2019t said by a person.\u00a0 That was almighty God, firmly stating from the throne in heaven, \u201cFear not.\u00a0 I am your God.\u00a0 I am with you.\u00a0 I will help you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know what our listeners are facing today, but the broadcast and what we\u2019ve talked about, dealing with fear, undoubtedly has an application to your marriage, your family, your life today.\u00a0 The question is, what is God calling you to do?\u00a0 Believe his Word, trust in him, and cling to that truth, cling to that Word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGrace, I just appreciate you and your ministry.\u00a0 Keep speaking, I pray, at those conferences in Canada, the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> up there, and may God\u2019s favor be upon your ministry.\u00a0 I appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grace:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And thanks for helping us think through this subject as well.\u00a0 I think it has been good for us to take a little time this week and think about where we are being paralyzed by fear and to look at what the Scriptures have to say about how we are to respond to fear in our lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope a lot of our listeners will go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to get a copy of the book, <em>Moving From Fear to Freedom:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Woman\u2019s Guide to Peace in Every Situation<\/em>, by Grace Fox.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can also order by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY, that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329, that's 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 Ask about Grace Fox\u2019s book, <em>Moving From Fear to Freedom<\/em> and we\u2019ll arrange to have a copy sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow let me wrap up the week by reminding you about the special matching gift opportunity that has been presented to us here during the month of December.\u00a0 We\u2019re excited about this, but I\u2019ve got to tell you, we realize it\u2019s going to take everybody if we\u2019re going to be able to take full advantage of this matching gift.\u00a0 So we\u2019re asking you to do what you can do.\u00a0 Go online, make a donation of any amount, and you might think, \u201cWell, all I can do is donate $10.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s fine, because with the matching gift your $10 donation is going to be doubled; it\u2019s going to become a $20 donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we\u2019re just asking everybody to do whatever you can do so we can take full advantage of the match.\u00a0 Donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 We hope to hear from you and we just want to say thanks in advance for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 Thanks for praying for us, too, that God will supply our needs in this matching gift opportunity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about marrying well.\u00a0 What can you do during the years that you\u2019re single to prepare yourself and to have the right focus so that when it\u2019s time to get married you marry well?\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that on Monday with Steve and Candace Waters.\u00a0 Hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2010 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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