{"id":302138,"date":"2010-10-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-10-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/building-boundaries\/"},"modified":"2010-10-27T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-10-27T15:00:00","slug":"building-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"Building Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A fence keeps your kids safe while they play outdoors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-10-27.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.13M","filesize_raw":"25307185","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[2872,4466,4465,2588],"podcast_series":[7763],"cwp_profile":[3434],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302138","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-addiction","tag-alcohol","tag-drugs","tag-teens","podcast_series-talking-smack","cwp_profile-glenn-williams","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302138\/building-boundaries","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302138\/building-boundaries","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"DJF9BXAoRO\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-boundaries\/\">Building Boundaries<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-boundaries\/embed\/#?secret=DJF9BXAoRO\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Building Boundaries&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"DJF9BXAoRO\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-10-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-10-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Drugs and alcohol are a part of the adolescent culture, which is not to say that your son or daughter is using but they may be. As a parent should you snoop in their room?\u00a0 Here\u2019s counsel from Glenn Williams.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have a reason to snoop first.\u00a0 For example if there are indicators or signs and symptoms that I have seen maybe my son is getting more moody, maybe it\u2019s become apparent that his grades at school are dropping, maybe behaviorally he is getting more aggressive at home, maybe more withdrawn, maybe he is getting late night phone calls.\u00a0 Money has gone missing in the house.\u00a0 There are other things that are indicating that there is a bit of an issue here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now if my child is at risk, if my child\u2019s life is at risk and he is going on a path that I know is destructive you know what?\u00a0 I have got every right to intervene.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, October 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 And I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about what you do as a parent if you find out that your son or daughter has experimented with or is using drugs or alcohol.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, what we have been talking about this week the subject of getting your kids educated on the issue of drugs and alcohol and the abuse of these substances this seems like it was almost a new issue when it emerged in our culture in the 60s.\u00a0 I guess it wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 I mean I guess drugs were around in the 30s and the 40s and the 50s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I assume that certainly alcohol was, but compared to how it used to be it was kid\u2019s play, back when you and I were teenagers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But then it seems like after it emerged in the 60s and 70s and was kind of out in the open and everybody was talking about it and some people were doing it then it seemed like it kind of ebbed and flowed, died off a little bit.\u00a0 I don\u2019t hear parents today talking about this issue the way I remember my parents talking about it with other parents back in the 60s and the 70s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have mentioned a key point about parents needing to talk to parents, let me introduce your guest and we will get to the subject here.\u00a0 We have the author of <em>Talking Smack<\/em> Glenn Williams with us again on <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Glenn welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Glenn worked at Focus on the Family for a number of years, has 3 children that are about to embark upon adolescents.\u00a0 So this is a very real subject for him as a father.\u00a0 You have written a book to really educate and equip parents to know how to engage.\u00a0 In this discussion what\u2019s Bob talking about parents talking to parents that\u2019s something you really feel strongly about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 If there is a subject where a lot of parents feel ill equipped, they feel ignorant about, they perhaps feel somewhat isolated, it\u2019s the issue of drugs and alcohol.\u00a0 How do I talk to my children about this?\u00a0 What age do I start?\u00a0 What do I say?\u00a0 How do I model this and so on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain the importance of parents being a resource for each other is absolutely critical.\u00a0 Often what you will find is there is a stigma attached to some subjects and drugs are one of those subjects where there is a bit of a stigma.\u00a0 So if there is a program being run or a workshop or a seminar some parents won\u2019t go because of what other parents might think about them.\u00a0 Oh so they have got a problem with their kids or one of their kids have got a problem or they are struggling with this parenting issue.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more that we can take away that stigma and where parents can be a resource to each other entirely comfortable with the subject material and just say, hey listen what did you do?\u00a0 How did you talk about this with your daughter?\u00a0 At what age did you find it to be most appropriate to engage in that conversation? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more parents can talk about this with each other than the greater the resource that parents have got to draw on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And as I hope to talk about later in the broadcast you maybe fearful that your child is using drugs.\u00a0 It maybe a conversation with another parent that gives you some tips of what to look for to determine if your child is on drugs or not but take us back to your home in Australia, you had a white picket fence\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Around your home that provided an illustration of what you see kids needing today to get from their parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I described this white picket fence, there was a great project.\u00a0 My father and I both worked on this together.\u00a0 Some people laugh at me when I tell them it took four months but that was kind of like we were doing you know part time on weekends.\u00a0\u00a0 At that time I had three really young children.\u00a0 My youngest was probably about 12 months old.\u00a0 Otherwise it was a front yard, it was backing on to a busy road but there were some advantages to putting this picket fence in place.\u00a0 It was to protect my kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was to prevent them from crawling or running out onto the road when a car was you know hurdling down the road.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was also to define my property.\u00a0 It defined what I was responsible for looking after.\u00a0 And then thirdly, it was to stop a whole of rubbish from blowing into the yard.\u00a0 My wife created this beautiful English garden and it was majestic.\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 Nothing messes up a garden more than having no fence and having a wind blowing every bit of trash you can think of into that yard and then needing to clean it up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I began to see this picket fence, this illustration, as being an example of what parenting is all about and the need to introduce boundaries into the life of their children, to protect them, to help them define their identity within that context.\u00a0 Cause and effect\u2014why do we do this?\u00a0 Because we want to teach our kids that there are certain consequences of decisions that they make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know as kids get into Junior High and High School years and they start, get the car keys and they are our with their friends I mean those picket fences get uprooted pretty quickly and you can\u2019t follow your kids around all the time and say what\u2019s going on here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And that\u2019s true but at the same time Bob I challenge that by saying at that point if you have done your job as a parent kids are making more informed decisions.\u00a0 They know that there is a consequence.\u00a0 For some that\u2019s going to be a negative consequence and for others there will be a positive result.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t control the lives of your kids.\u00a0 You can give them skills and the ability to make good choices.\u00a0 And that\u2019s hard.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s one of the most difficult things as a parent is to be able to let go and let our kids make choices that would be different to the ones that we would make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And the reality is we can do our best as parents, we can talk with our kids, have the conversations, educate them, and some of them are still going to make bad choices, aren\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Again it\u2019s important that even in that context your child knows that you are going to be there for them even if they make a bad choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, let\u2019s talk about the practical boundaries of the picket fence around your little home.\u00a0 I am talking about the boundaries around drug and alcohol use.\u00a0 What are some age appropriate boundaries that you and Natalie, your wife, established for your children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well again introduced a concept of boundaries in a very practical way to begin with.\u00a0 For example, with my children they know that they are not allowed to use certain words around the house, well actually at all for that matter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are not allowed to put somebody down.\u00a0 They are not allowed to call their brother or sister an idiot.\u00a0 They are not allowed to call them stupid.\u00a0 They are not allowed to express demeaning terms when they are referencing their siblings.\u00a0 We communicate that because we say this is all about respect.\u00a0 Right now you may not like your brother all that much but you will show respect by not using a derogatory term.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so we call that communication boundaries.\u00a0 We have made it very clear that if you are upset about something it\u2019s hard for me to understand what you are upset about if all you are doing is screaming and yelling and getting angry at each other.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot easier for me to sit down and address the situation if you talk to me properly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, a part of your family are boundaries around all kinds of issues?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When it came to the subject of drugs and alcohol what were some of the boundaries there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the boundaries that we set right now and again in the context of drugs and alcohol, we have a place a medicine cabinet where we keep tablets and things.\u00a0 Chloe, my daughter, has asthma and she understands that this is something that she takes to combat the asthma that she has. She also realizes that that is something that is not healthy for her brothers to have and her brothers realize that this is probably not healthy for me to take this because I am not sick.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have asthma or this is something that could be negative or detrimental to my health.\u00a0 I only take something when I am sick.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd again we have talked about that in the context of you know their dad, me.\u00a0 I have hereditary or genetic high blood pressure and I have made it very clear that this tablet is something that regulates my blood pressure on a day-to-day basis.\u00a0 It\u2019s incredibly dangerous for somebody to take that particularly for a child to take that, because it\u2019s not a condition that you have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talk about what some of those consequences might be.\u00a0 So you don\u2019t take a tablet, you don\u2019t go to the medicine cabinet to take something of anything without mom and dad knowing and making sure that\u2019s appropriate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Most kids aren\u2019t looking at asthma medicine and saying hey there is something we can get high using asthma medicine or high blood pressure medicine.\u00a0 The prescription drugs that are being abused by children today, are there a handful that are the big culprits in terms of abuse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Certainly pain killers are something that have become a huge issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Things like OxyContin and drugs like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So if mom and dad have pain killers that have been prescribed for some reason that is something you don\u2019t just keep laying around the house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not at all and particularly some of the stronger ones\u2014codeine and so on.\u00a0 Again taking in large doses particularly for a child it can be incredibly dangerous.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How are you preparing Ben, who is now 11 or 12, for adolescence?\u00a0 What boundaries are you helping him establish in advance of the issues he is going to face?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 We have established a bit of an informal family charter.\u00a0 There are a few principles, 3 or 4 that we often reinforce for Ben and for Ryan and Chloe for that matter.\u00a0 We haven\u2019t written them down anywhere but they are in a book I think.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all trust. You have got to be trustworthy, Ben.\u00a0 Make your word your word.\u00a0 Your words need to be reliable.\u00a0 When you say you are going to do something then you go ahead and do that.\u00a0 When you say you are not going to do something well then don\u2019t do that.\u00a0 The more that you are trustworthy the more people can count to depend and rely on you and people will appreciate that you are a trustworthy person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second one is that of respect.\u00a0 You have got to respect who you are.\u00a0 You respect that God has gifted you incredibly uniquely.\u00a0 Ben, you are very special boy.\u00a0 You have got a great heart.\u00a0 You care deeply about people.\u00a0 That\u2019s a gift the Lord has given you, cultivate that. There is that whole thing of respecting yourself and respecting others. Respecting others in authority over you and just respecting people in general.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third one we often communicate to our kids is look out for the little guy.\u00a0 Ben, there is typically going to be somebody in your class or maybe somebody you bump into at lunch time at school and they don\u2019t have a lot of friends and they are out there on their own. They are very isolated.\u00a0 They feel like nobody likes them and nobody wants to play with them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, then you know what, Ben?\u00a0 Make sure you can bring them and get them involved with your friends.\u00a0 They don\u2019t want to play with your friends, fine.\u00a0 Or your friends don\u2019t want to play with that person you can play with them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd again the fourth one was never give up.\u00a0 The whole spirit of perseverance.\u00a0 There are sometimes when people are going to put you under pressure to do things that you don\u2019t want to do but you know what, son, stick to your principles and have that spirit of perseverance and commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, Glenn most of the folks are listening to you right now expected you to spell out some dos and don\u2019ts around boundaries, around drug and alcohol use.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You went to more of the standards of how we as human beings relate to other people, being trustworthy, speaking with respect, etc.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t go to the other, is there a reason why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes absolutely.\u00a0 I think in our culture what you see is that typically when we think about boundaries we tend to think of constraints.\u00a0 We tend to think of rules.\u00a0 Let\u2019s be honest.\u00a0 Some of us don\u2019t like rules particularly and we don\u2019t like being constrained by these rules and told that we have to behave a certain way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you can communicate boundaries in the context of releasing somebody, releasing them to experience life as God intended for them.\u00a0 Release them in the context of what gifts has God given you that you can use to benefit others and benefit your family and your friends and so on.\u00a0 What do people like about you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have found that if you can take the concept of boundaries and communicate that more as a releasing people into the potential that they have rather than constraining and restricting.\u00a0 Kids tend to be a lot more receptive to that particularly in their teens.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, Ben\u2019s almost 12 years old right now.\u00a0 I am going to take you out 7 years.\u00a0 He is a senior in high school.\u00a0 He is starting to demonstrate some erratic behavior that makes you suspicious.\u00a0 Something is going on in his life.\u00a0 What would you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let me just say the tendency is to want to overreact and jump in straightaway.\u00a0 Having seen that occur many, many times in working with families and it\u2019s not actually helpful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing I would do is just to settle down and then just pull back and say okay this is the situation.\u00a0 I realize that Ben more than likely is using or at least I suspect that he is using.\u00a0 I need to think very, very carefully.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne, think of some reasons why he might be using and again there maybe some indicators there of why.\u00a0 He is not doing terribly well at school.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t feel like anybody likes him so he maybe feeling some pressure just to be part or to belong to a group.\u00a0 But it\u2019s good for me to sit back and reflect on why I think he might be using.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo, I would be talking to a friend.\u00a0 I would be talking to another parent.\u00a0 We talked about earlier about the importance of using parents as a resource.\u00a0 So seek out a parent who may have walked a very similar road that I know of and ask how did you deal with this?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I think there comes a point then you sit down obviously with Ben.\u00a0 Again choose the right moment, the right opportunity, and the right place.\u00a0 Deciding to broach the subject when you are at public restaurant is probably not the best way to do that. Broaching the subject just before he is about to leave for school the next morning is not the right time to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 So find the right place and the right moment to have that discussion.\u00a0 Then say hey listen, Ben can I just share with you some concerns that I have?\u00a0 I realize you probably don\u2019t want to talk about it, but, son, this is a safe place to talk about this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I guess what I am really concerned about right now is how much this is hurting you.\u00a0 I would be very honest and very transparent in having that discussion and putting on the table exactly what you suspect and ask him to just respond to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And in that situation if a child lies to you and you don\u2019t know you want to believe the best you want to show him I will trust you, but you don\u2019t know.\u00a0 They say no I am not using anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And you still wonder well then what explains the behavior?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, and some parents are really going to blanch at this word, but you really feel like you need to snoop.\u00a0 How do you feel about parents snooping?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 It\u2019s a great question and every parent has a different value that they would attach to that.\u00a0 Some would say it\u2019s fine.\u00a0 Some would say it\u2019s not.\u00a0 I guess that\u2019s a personal decision for parents to make.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPersonally for me I would have a reason to snoop first.\u00a0 For example, if there are indicators or signs and symptoms that I have seen.\u00a0 As you said maybe my son is getting more moody, maybe it\u2019s become apparent that his grades at school are dropping, maybe behaviorally he is getting more aggressive at home, maybe more withdrawn, maybe he is getting late night phone calls, and money has gone missing in the house things like that. There are other things that are indicating that there is a bit of an issue here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that then gives me an opportunity to say listen I need to make sure or see whether or not other things are going on his life that I am not aware of.\u00a0 I think to snoop without being aware of any signs or symptoms I think personally I would have a different issue with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you see these symptoms and you are not snooping you are not trying to find out what\u2019s going on, what parent would allow their child to march off into a battlefield where they are not going to comeback alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes and honestly there are some people who would say well you can\u2019t do that because you are infringing on the rights of the child and so on.\u00a0 My thing is yes, but right now if my child is at risk, if my child\u2019s life is at risk and he is going down a path that I know is destructive.\u00a0 I have got every right to intervene because I love my child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there is one other thing I just want to add to your list of how you would approach it.\u00a0 Make sure you and your spouse are singing off the same song sheet.\u00a0 You can\u2019t go into this divided.\u00a0 As a couple your game plan needs to be agreed upon in advance of how you are going to do it, who is going to be the person who is the spokesperson and it maybe the spouse who has the best relationship with that child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was going to raise exactly the same point.\u00a0 I think you need to understand who has the closest relationship, who is your child more likely to listen to.\u00a0 Sometimes it maybe okay for dad or mom to not so much be heavy but to be more confronting.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what we found and everything else and then for the other parent to come in and say hey son, you know this is what we are really concerned about.\u00a0 We love you and so on.\u00a0 Kind of like a good cop and bad cop but I don\u2019t mean that quite in the wrong sense.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Your book ends with a very simple term, a word that\u2019s a powerful word if you have to confront someone who has failed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes it\u2019s simply the word \u201cgrace.\u201d\u00a0 For me it\u2019s one of the most important words in this journey as parents with their children.\u00a0 First of all there is often the need for parent to just receive the grace that the Lord offers to them.\u00a0 It\u2019s often as a parent you feel like you have messed up, you have failed.\u00a0 I could have done things better.\u00a0 You are forever beating up on yourself and that\u2019s not walking in grace.\u00a0 The Lord makes it really clear, look I have forgiven you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo first of all receiving God\u2019s grace for yourself is vital.\u00a0 Secondly, extending grace to your child or for that matter to a spouse who might be having a drug issue.\u00a0 You need to extend grace to the child knowing that they are going to fail.\u00a0 Your child needs to know that they can come back to you and that this is a safe place.\u00a0 Even if they fail, in the midst of that crisis this is a safe place for them to come back to and that you love them dearly as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And let\u2019s be clear here, grace doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that consequences are going to go away if something goes wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Grace doesn\u2019t mean you just turn and look the other way and say oh well.\u00a0 Grace is active, intervening, consequences may come to bear but it\u2019s also an acknowledgement that the relationship has not been permanently damaged because you messed up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 And in closing, for some kids it\u2019s also a matter of extending grace to their parent.\u00a0 Mom and dad you didn\u2019t tell me this or you didn\u2019t share enough with me or you didn\u2019t talk to me about this subject when I was younger.\u00a0 Or mom and dad you never took time to understand how I feel.\u00a0 Mom and dad you never engaged me in conversation.\u00a0 You never do anything with me.\u00a0 So and so always got the attention. Sometimes it is a matter of even for teens just saying I need to extend grace to my parents as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes and I am glad you started with the parent being the recipient of grace because I think the person who takes this the hardest at least initially is the parent who has really worked hard at trying to raise their son or daughter to adulthood without being damaged by this culture.\u00a0 You can understand how parent would be angry, would be self condemning, and it would be easy to turn that anger and the condemnation on the child.\u00a0 But the parent who receives the grace of God in his or her life has a better understanding of how they can grant forgiveness, love, and compassion.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt all goes back to really a theology of the Bible which is we are broken.\u00a0 Every one of us as human beings is broken.\u00a0 Not just our children and not just us all are broken but we have a redeemer in Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGlenn, I appreciate your faithfulness on behalf of families and your work on this in helping our listeners here on <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em> raise sons and daughters who are mature and know how to go through life and make right choices.\u00a0 Thanks for all you do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are welcome.\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 I think there are a lot of parents who are grateful for the fact that you took time to write the book <em>Talking Smack<\/em> and to take some of what we have talked about and give parents a tool that they can read through, go back to and use to engage with their sons and daughters around this subject.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this week we are making Glenn\u2019s book which is called <em>Talking Smack<\/em> available to any listener who will give a donation to support <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We are listener supported so we are asking listeners to help with the production and syndication costs for this program to help us keep it on this station and on our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make a donation this week we want you to feel free to ask for a copy of Glenn\u2019s book which is called <em>Talking Smack<\/em>.\u00a0 If you make your donation online at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">www.familylifetoday.com<\/a> as you fill out the online donation form you will see a keycode box just type the word \u201cTALK\u201d in there and we will know to send you a copy of Glenn\u2019s book or call 1800-FL-TODAY, make your donation over the phone and just mention that you would like a copy of the book on drugs or the book <em>Talking Smack<\/em> and we will send it out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say we are grateful for whatever you are able to do in terms of a donation to support the ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us and thanks for helping us keep the program on the air by making a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we are going to be joined by Dr. Wayne Grudem.\u00a0 We are going to have a conversation about the upcoming elections and about the political process and how do we engage as Christians?\u00a0 How do we take what the Bible teaches us and apply it when we head off to vote or when we decide to work for and promote a particular candidate or a particular issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Wayne Grudem:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are I think five wrong positions on this.\u00a0 One is what I call compel religion that is the government should compel people to go to certain churches or support certain belief systems.\u00a0 That is wrong because it violates the fact that genuine religious faith has to be voluntary it can\u2019t be compelled by force.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd number two, is the opposite view and that is exclude religion from the public square.\u00a0 Exclude religion from any influence on government.\u00a0 That is wrong because the Bible teaches about moral standards and the responsibilities of government.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is another view.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of a minority view that says government is evil and it\u2019s the area of a Satan\u2019s control and influence and Christians shouldn\u2019t be involved in it and shouldn\u2019t serve in government.\u00a0 That view is incorrect because Romans 13 says the civil authority is God\u2019s servant for your good, not Satan\u2019s servant, God\u2019s servant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fourth view is do evangelism not politics.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the last view isn't very common among Evangelicals and that is do politics not evangelism.\u00a0 Just transform society and that will bring heaven on earth or that\u2019s all God causes to do.\u00a0 And so those are five wrong views.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe right view I think is the sixth one and that is significant Christian influence on government.\u00a0 That would say the just as Daniel was an advisor to the most powerful government ruler on earth at that time, just as John the Baptist spoke to Herod and rebuked him for all the other evil things that he had done, just as Paul spoke to the Roman Governor Felix about righteousness and self control and the common judgment.\u00a0 I think we should follow those patterns and bring significant Christian influence to bear on government where there are issues on which the Bible speaks clearly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 We will talk with Dr. Grudem about that tomorrow, hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright 2010 \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.13M"],"filesize_raw":["25307185"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302138.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302138.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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fence keeps your kids safe while they play outdoors.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-10-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Drugs and alcohol are a part of the adolescent culture, which is not to say that your son or daughter is using but they may be. As a parent should you snoop in their room?\u00a0 Here\u2019s counsel from Glenn Williams.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have a reason to snoop first.\u00a0 For example if there are indicators or signs and symptoms that I have seen maybe my son is getting more moody, maybe it\u2019s become apparent that his grades at school are dropping, maybe behaviorally he is getting more aggressive at home, maybe more withdrawn, maybe he is getting late night phone calls.\u00a0 Money has gone missing in the house.\u00a0 There are other things that are indicating that there is a bit of an issue here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now if my child is at risk, if my child\u2019s life is at risk and he is going on a path that I know is destructive you know what?\u00a0 I have got every right to intervene.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, October 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 And I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about what you do as a parent if you find out that your son or daughter has experimented with or is using drugs or alcohol.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, what we have been talking about this week the subject of getting your kids educated on the issue of drugs and alcohol and the abuse of these substances this seems like it was almost a new issue when it emerged in our culture in the 60s.\u00a0 I guess it wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 I mean I guess drugs were around in the 30s and the 40s and the 50s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I assume that certainly alcohol was, but compared to how it used to be it was kid\u2019s play, back when you and I were teenagers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But then it seems like after it emerged in the 60s and 70s and was kind of out in the open and everybody was talking about it and some people were doing it then it seemed like it kind of ebbed and flowed, died off a little bit.\u00a0 I don\u2019t hear parents today talking about this issue the way I remember my parents talking about it with other parents back in the 60s and the 70s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have mentioned a key point about parents needing to talk to parents, let me introduce your guest and we will get to the subject here.\u00a0 We have the author of <em>Talking Smack<\/em> Glenn Williams with us again on <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Glenn welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Glenn worked at Focus on the Family for a number of years, has 3 children that are about to embark upon adolescents.\u00a0 So this is a very real subject for him as a father.\u00a0 You have written a book to really educate and equip parents to know how to engage.\u00a0 In this discussion what\u2019s Bob talking about parents talking to parents that\u2019s something you really feel strongly about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 If there is a subject where a lot of parents feel ill equipped, they feel ignorant about, they perhaps feel somewhat isolated, it\u2019s the issue of drugs and alcohol.\u00a0 How do I talk to my children about this?\u00a0 What age do I start?\u00a0 What do I say?\u00a0 How do I model this and so on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain the importance of parents being a resource for each other is absolutely critical.\u00a0 Often what you will find is there is a stigma attached to some subjects and drugs are one of those subjects where there is a bit of a stigma.\u00a0 So if there is a program being run or a workshop or a seminar some parents won\u2019t go because of what other parents might think about them.\u00a0 Oh so they have got a problem with their kids or one of their kids have got a problem or they are struggling with this parenting issue.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more that we can take away that stigma and where parents can be a resource to each other entirely comfortable with the subject material and just say, hey listen what did you do?\u00a0 How did you talk about this with your daughter?\u00a0 At what age did you find it to be most appropriate to engage in that conversation? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe more parents can talk about this with each other than the greater the resource that parents have got to draw on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And as I hope to talk about later in the broadcast you maybe fearful that your child is using drugs.\u00a0 It maybe a conversation with another parent that gives you some tips of what to look for to determine if your child is on drugs or not but take us back to your home in Australia, you had a white picket fence\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Around your home that provided an illustration of what you see kids needing today to get from their parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I described this white picket fence, there was a great project.\u00a0 My father and I both worked on this together.\u00a0 Some people laugh at me when I tell them it took four months but that was kind of like we were doing you know part time on weekends.\u00a0\u00a0 At that time I had three really young children.\u00a0 My youngest was probably about 12 months old.\u00a0 Otherwise it was a front yard, it was backing on to a busy road but there were some advantages to putting this picket fence in place.\u00a0 It was to protect my kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was to prevent them from crawling or running out onto the road when a car was you know hurdling down the road.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was also to define my property.\u00a0 It defined what I was responsible for looking after.\u00a0 And then thirdly, it was to stop a whole of rubbish from blowing into the yard.\u00a0 My wife created this beautiful English garden and it was majestic.\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 Nothing messes up a garden more than having no fence and having a wind blowing every bit of trash you can think of into that yard and then needing to clean it up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I began to see this picket fence, this illustration, as being an example of what parenting is all about and the need to introduce boundaries into the life of their children, to protect them, to help them define their identity within that context.\u00a0 Cause and effect\u2014why do we do this?\u00a0 Because we want to teach our kids that there are certain consequences of decisions that they make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know as kids get into Junior High and High School years and they start, get the car keys and they are our with their friends I mean those picket fences get uprooted pretty quickly and you can\u2019t follow your kids around all the time and say what\u2019s going on here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And that\u2019s true but at the same time Bob I challenge that by saying at that point if you have done your job as a parent kids are making more informed decisions.\u00a0 They know that there is a consequence.\u00a0 For some that\u2019s going to be a negative consequence and for others there will be a positive result.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t control the lives of your kids.\u00a0 You can give them skills and the ability to make good choices.\u00a0 And that\u2019s hard.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s one of the most difficult things as a parent is to be able to let go and let our kids make choices that would be different to the ones that we would make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And the reality is we can do our best as parents, we can talk with our kids, have the conversations, educate them, and some of them are still going to make bad choices, aren\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Again it\u2019s important that even in that context your child knows that you are going to be there for them even if they make a bad choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, let\u2019s talk about the practical boundaries of the picket fence around your little home.\u00a0 I am talking about the boundaries around drug and alcohol use.\u00a0 What are some age appropriate boundaries that you and Natalie, your wife, established for your children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well again introduced a concept of boundaries in a very practical way to begin with.\u00a0 For example, with my children they know that they are not allowed to use certain words around the house, well actually at all for that matter.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are not allowed to put somebody down.\u00a0 They are not allowed to call their brother or sister an idiot.\u00a0 They are not allowed to call them stupid.\u00a0 They are not allowed to express demeaning terms when they are referencing their siblings.\u00a0 We communicate that because we say this is all about respect.\u00a0 Right now you may not like your brother all that much but you will show respect by not using a derogatory term.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so we call that communication boundaries.\u00a0 We have made it very clear that if you are upset about something it\u2019s hard for me to understand what you are upset about if all you are doing is screaming and yelling and getting angry at each other.\u00a0 It\u2019s a lot easier for me to sit down and address the situation if you talk to me properly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, a part of your family are boundaries around all kinds of issues?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When it came to the subject of drugs and alcohol what were some of the boundaries there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the boundaries that we set right now and again in the context of drugs and alcohol, we have a place a medicine cabinet where we keep tablets and things.\u00a0 Chloe, my daughter, has asthma and she understands that this is something that she takes to combat the asthma that she has. She also realizes that that is something that is not healthy for her brothers to have and her brothers realize that this is probably not healthy for me to take this because I am not sick.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have asthma or this is something that could be negative or detrimental to my health.\u00a0 I only take something when I am sick.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd again we have talked about that in the context of you know their dad, me.\u00a0 I have hereditary or genetic high blood pressure and I have made it very clear that this tablet is something that regulates my blood pressure on a day-to-day basis.\u00a0 It\u2019s incredibly dangerous for somebody to take that particularly for a child to take that, because it\u2019s not a condition that you have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talk about what some of those consequences might be.\u00a0 So you don\u2019t take a tablet, you don\u2019t go to the medicine cabinet to take something of anything without mom and dad knowing and making sure that\u2019s appropriate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Most kids aren\u2019t looking at asthma medicine and saying hey there is something we can get high using asthma medicine or high blood pressure medicine.\u00a0 The prescription drugs that are being abused by children today, are there a handful that are the big culprits in terms of abuse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Certainly pain killers are something that have become a huge issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Things like OxyContin and drugs like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So if mom and dad have pain killers that have been prescribed for some reason that is something you don\u2019t just keep laying around the house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not at all and particularly some of the stronger ones\u2014codeine and so on.\u00a0 Again taking in large doses particularly for a child it can be incredibly dangerous.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How are you preparing Ben, who is now 11 or 12, for adolescence?\u00a0 What boundaries are you helping him establish in advance of the issues he is going to face?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 We have established a bit of an informal family charter.\u00a0 There are a few principles, 3 or 4 that we often reinforce for Ben and for Ryan and Chloe for that matter.\u00a0 We haven\u2019t written them down anywhere but they are in a book I think.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst of all trust. You have got to be trustworthy, Ben.\u00a0 Make your word your word.\u00a0 Your words need to be reliable.\u00a0 When you say you are going to do something then you go ahead and do that.\u00a0 When you say you are not going to do something well then don\u2019t do that.\u00a0 The more that you are trustworthy the more people can count to depend and rely on you and people will appreciate that you are a trustworthy person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second one is that of respect.\u00a0 You have got to respect who you are.\u00a0 You respect that God has gifted you incredibly uniquely.\u00a0 Ben, you are very special boy.\u00a0 You have got a great heart.\u00a0 You care deeply about people.\u00a0 That\u2019s a gift the Lord has given you, cultivate that. There is that whole thing of respecting yourself and respecting others. Respecting others in authority over you and just respecting people in general.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third one we often communicate to our kids is look out for the little guy.\u00a0 Ben, there is typically going to be somebody in your class or maybe somebody you bump into at lunch time at school and they don\u2019t have a lot of friends and they are out there on their own. They are very isolated.\u00a0 They feel like nobody likes them and nobody wants to play with them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, then you know what, Ben?\u00a0 Make sure you can bring them and get them involved with your friends.\u00a0 They don\u2019t want to play with your friends, fine.\u00a0 Or your friends don\u2019t want to play with that person you can play with them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd again the fourth one was never give up.\u00a0 The whole spirit of perseverance.\u00a0 There are sometimes when people are going to put you under pressure to do things that you don\u2019t want to do but you know what, son, stick to your principles and have that spirit of perseverance and commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, Glenn most of the folks are listening to you right now expected you to spell out some dos and don\u2019ts around boundaries, around drug and alcohol use.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You went to more of the standards of how we as human beings relate to other people, being trustworthy, speaking with respect, etc.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t go to the other, is there a reason why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes absolutely.\u00a0 I think in our culture what you see is that typically when we think about boundaries we tend to think of constraints.\u00a0 We tend to think of rules.\u00a0 Let\u2019s be honest.\u00a0 Some of us don\u2019t like rules particularly and we don\u2019t like being constrained by these rules and told that we have to behave a certain way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you can communicate boundaries in the context of releasing somebody, releasing them to experience life as God intended for them.\u00a0 Release them in the context of what gifts has God given you that you can use to benefit others and benefit your family and your friends and so on.\u00a0 What do people like about you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have found that if you can take the concept of boundaries and communicate that more as a releasing people into the potential that they have rather than constraining and restricting.\u00a0 Kids tend to be a lot more receptive to that particularly in their teens.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, Ben\u2019s almost 12 years old right now.\u00a0 I am going to take you out 7 years.\u00a0 He is a senior in high school.\u00a0 He is starting to demonstrate some erratic behavior that makes you suspicious.\u00a0 Something is going on in his life.\u00a0 What would you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let me just say the tendency is to want to overreact and jump in straightaway.\u00a0 Having seen that occur many, many times in working with families and it\u2019s not actually helpful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing I would do is just to settle down and then just pull back and say okay this is the situation.\u00a0 I realize that Ben more than likely is using or at least I suspect that he is using.\u00a0 I need to think very, very carefully.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne, think of some reasons why he might be using and again there maybe some indicators there of why.\u00a0 He is not doing terribly well at school.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t feel like anybody likes him so he maybe feeling some pressure just to be part or to belong to a group.\u00a0 But it\u2019s good for me to sit back and reflect on why I think he might be using.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo, I would be talking to a friend.\u00a0 I would be talking to another parent.\u00a0 We talked about earlier about the importance of using parents as a resource.\u00a0 So seek out a parent who may have walked a very similar road that I know of and ask how did you deal with this?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I think there comes a point then you sit down obviously with Ben.\u00a0 Again choose the right moment, the right opportunity, and the right place.\u00a0 Deciding to broach the subject when you are at public restaurant is probably not the best way to do that. Broaching the subject just before he is about to leave for school the next morning is not the right time to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 So find the right place and the right moment to have that discussion.\u00a0 Then say hey listen, Ben can I just share with you some concerns that I have?\u00a0 I realize you probably don\u2019t want to talk about it, but, son, this is a safe place to talk about this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I guess what I am really concerned about right now is how much this is hurting you.\u00a0 I would be very honest and very transparent in having that discussion and putting on the table exactly what you suspect and ask him to just respond to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And in that situation if a child lies to you and you don\u2019t know you want to believe the best you want to show him I will trust you, but you don\u2019t know.\u00a0 They say no I am not using anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And you still wonder well then what explains the behavior?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, and some parents are really going to blanch at this word, but you really feel like you need to snoop.\u00a0 How do you feel about parents snooping?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 It\u2019s a great question and every parent has a different value that they would attach to that.\u00a0 Some would say it\u2019s fine.\u00a0 Some would say it\u2019s not.\u00a0 I guess that\u2019s a personal decision for parents to make.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPersonally for me I would have a reason to snoop first.\u00a0 For example, if there are indicators or signs and symptoms that I have seen.\u00a0 As you said maybe my son is getting more moody, maybe it\u2019s become apparent that his grades at school are dropping, maybe behaviorally he is getting more aggressive at home, maybe more withdrawn, maybe he is getting late night phone calls, and money has gone missing in the house things like that. There are other things that are indicating that there is a bit of an issue here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that then gives me an opportunity to say listen I need to make sure or see whether or not other things are going on his life that I am not aware of.\u00a0 I think to snoop without being aware of any signs or symptoms I think personally I would have a different issue with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you see these symptoms and you are not snooping you are not trying to find out what\u2019s going on, what parent would allow their child to march off into a battlefield where they are not going to comeback alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes and honestly there are some people who would say well you can\u2019t do that because you are infringing on the rights of the child and so on.\u00a0 My thing is yes, but right now if my child is at risk, if my child\u2019s life is at risk and he is going down a path that I know is destructive.\u00a0 I have got every right to intervene because I love my child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there is one other thing I just want to add to your list of how you would approach it.\u00a0 Make sure you and your spouse are singing off the same song sheet.\u00a0 You can\u2019t go into this divided.\u00a0 As a couple your game plan needs to be agreed upon in advance of how you are going to do it, who is going to be the person who is the spokesperson and it maybe the spouse who has the best relationship with that child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was going to raise exactly the same point.\u00a0 I think you need to understand who has the closest relationship, who is your child more likely to listen to.\u00a0 Sometimes it maybe okay for dad or mom to not so much be heavy but to be more confronting.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what we found and everything else and then for the other parent to come in and say hey son, you know this is what we are really concerned about.\u00a0 We love you and so on.\u00a0 Kind of like a good cop and bad cop but I don\u2019t mean that quite in the wrong sense.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Your book ends with a very simple term, a word that\u2019s a powerful word if you have to confront someone who has failed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes it\u2019s simply the word \u201cgrace.\u201d\u00a0 For me it\u2019s one of the most important words in this journey as parents with their children.\u00a0 First of all there is often the need for parent to just receive the grace that the Lord offers to them.\u00a0 It\u2019s often as a parent you feel like you have messed up, you have failed.\u00a0 I could have done things better.\u00a0 You are forever beating up on yourself and that\u2019s not walking in grace.\u00a0 The Lord makes it really clear, look I have forgiven you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo first of all receiving God\u2019s grace for yourself is vital.\u00a0 Secondly, extending grace to your child or for that matter to a spouse who might be having a drug issue.\u00a0 You need to extend grace to the child knowing that they are going to fail.\u00a0 Your child needs to know that they can come back to you and that this is a safe place.\u00a0 Even if they fail, in the midst of that crisis this is a safe place for them to come back to and that you love them dearly as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And let\u2019s be clear here, grace doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that consequences are going to go away if something goes wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Grace doesn\u2019t mean you just turn and look the other way and say oh well.\u00a0 Grace is active, intervening, consequences may come to bear but it\u2019s also an acknowledgement that the relationship has not been permanently damaged because you messed up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 And in closing, for some kids it\u2019s also a matter of extending grace to their parent.\u00a0 Mom and dad you didn\u2019t tell me this or you didn\u2019t share enough with me or you didn\u2019t talk to me about this subject when I was younger.\u00a0 Or mom and dad you never took time to understand how I feel.\u00a0 Mom and dad you never engaged me in conversation.\u00a0 You never do anything with me.\u00a0 So and so always got the attention. Sometimes it is a matter of even for teens just saying I need to extend grace to my parents as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes and I am glad you started with the parent being the recipient of grace because I think the person who takes this the hardest at least initially is the parent who has really worked hard at trying to raise their son or daughter to adulthood without being damaged by this culture.\u00a0 You can understand how parent would be angry, would be self condemning, and it would be easy to turn that anger and the condemnation on the child.\u00a0 But the parent who receives the grace of God in his or her life has a better understanding of how they can grant forgiveness, love, and compassion.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt all goes back to really a theology of the Bible which is we are broken.\u00a0 Every one of us as human beings is broken.\u00a0 Not just our children and not just us all are broken but we have a redeemer in Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGlenn, I appreciate your faithfulness on behalf of families and your work on this in helping our listeners here on <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em> raise sons and daughters who are mature and know how to go through life and make right choices.\u00a0 Thanks for all you do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Glenn:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are welcome.\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 I think there are a lot of parents who are grateful for the fact that you took time to write the book <em>Talking Smack<\/em> and to take some of what we have talked about and give parents a tool that they can read through, go back to and use to engage with their sons and daughters around this subject.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this week we are making Glenn\u2019s book which is called <em>Talking Smack<\/em> available to any listener who will give a donation to support <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We are listener supported so we are asking listeners to help with the production and syndication costs for this program to help us keep it on this station and on our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you make a donation this week we want you to feel free to ask for a copy of Glenn\u2019s book which is called <em>Talking Smack<\/em>.\u00a0 If you make your donation online at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">www.familylifetoday.com<\/a> as you fill out the online donation form you will see a keycode box just type the word \u201cTALK\u201d in there and we will know to send you a copy of Glenn\u2019s book or call 1800-FL-TODAY, make your donation over the phone and just mention that you would like a copy of the book on drugs or the book <em>Talking Smack<\/em> and we will send it out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say we are grateful for whatever you are able to do in terms of a donation to support the ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us and thanks for helping us keep the program on the air by making a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we are going to be joined by Dr. Wayne Grudem.\u00a0 We are going to have a conversation about the upcoming elections and about the political process and how do we engage as Christians?\u00a0 How do we take what the Bible teaches us and apply it when we head off to vote or when we decide to work for and promote a particular candidate or a particular issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Wayne Grudem:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are I think five wrong positions on this.\u00a0 One is what I call compel religion that is the government should compel people to go to certain churches or support certain belief systems.\u00a0 That is wrong because it violates the fact that genuine religious faith has to be voluntary it can\u2019t be compelled by force.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd number two, is the opposite view and that is exclude religion from the public square.\u00a0 Exclude religion from any influence on government.\u00a0 That is wrong because the Bible teaches about moral standards and the responsibilities of government.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is another view.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of a minority view that says government is evil and it\u2019s the area of a Satan\u2019s control and influence and Christians shouldn\u2019t be involved in it and shouldn\u2019t serve in government.\u00a0 That view is incorrect because Romans 13 says the civil authority is God\u2019s servant for your good, not Satan\u2019s servant, God\u2019s servant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fourth view is do evangelism not politics.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the last view isn't very common among Evangelicals and that is do politics not evangelism.\u00a0 Just transform society and that will bring heaven on earth or that\u2019s all God causes to do.\u00a0 And so those are five wrong views.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe right view I think is the sixth one and that is significant Christian influence on government.\u00a0 That would say the just as Daniel was an advisor to the most powerful government ruler on earth at that time, just as John the Baptist spoke to Herod and rebuked him for all the other evil things that he had done, just as Paul spoke to the Roman Governor Felix about righteousness and self control and the common judgment.\u00a0 I think we should follow those patterns and bring significant Christian influence to bear on government where there are issues on which the Bible speaks clearly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 We will talk with Dr. Grudem about that tomorrow, hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright 2010 \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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