{"id":302114,"date":"2010-09-28T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-28T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/reaching-a-childs-heart\/"},"modified":"2010-09-28T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-28T15:00:00","slug":"reaching-a-childs-heart","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/reaching-a-childs-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"Reaching a Child\u2019s Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is the goal of parenting?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-28.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.44M","filesize_raw":"26675850","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2852,2806],"tags":[4759,4798,2209],"podcast_series":[7758],"cwp_profile":[9213],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302114","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-discipline","category-spiritual-development","tag-discipline","tag-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-instructing-a-childs-heart","cwp_profile-tedd-and-margy-tripp","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302114\/reaching-a-childs-heart","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302114\/reaching-a-childs-heart","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"NxCspSDVdh\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/reaching-a-childs-heart\/\">Reaching a Child\u2019s Heart<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/reaching-a-childs-heart\/embed\/#?secret=NxCspSDVdh\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Reaching a Child\u2019s Heart&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"NxCspSDVdh\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What is the goal of parenting?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think a lot of times, as parents, we tend to zero in on reprove and correct and maybe ignore train and instruct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\u00a0 Because training and instructing mean that we show them the right way according to how God wants us to live.\u00a0 That is what the Bible is all about.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a couple with us today who have written a book that is really based on the biblical blueprints on how you instruct a child.\u00a0 It is entitled <em>Instructing a Child\u2019s Heart.<\/em>\u00a0 It is by Tedd and Margy Tripp.\u00a0 Margy, Tedd welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Margy:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Tedd is a pastor, an author, a conference speaker.\u00a0 Margy is a former principal.\u00a0 Together, they have three adult children, nine grandchildren.\u00a0 They have written a book called <em>Shepherding a Child\u2019s Heart<\/em>.\u00a0 That was how long ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> About fifteen years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This book I really like because you have followed this up with more of a focus around what Bob was talking about here.\u00a0 How the scripture was given by God to instruct us and what we are to do as parents is to instruct our kids in how to think, how to live, and how to ultimately grow up and become competent.\u00a0 You are talking about a formative instruction.\u00a0 Explain what you mean by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> What I mean by that is it is instruction that forms or shapes our children.\u00a0 We can think by way of analogy of a woodworker with a lathe.\u00a0 He is spinning this block of wood on the lathe.\u00a0 He is using his carving tools to give shape to that wood.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr a potter with a wheel, he is shaping the clay as the wheel spins.\u00a0 He is bringing that lifeless lump of clay to life with his skilled fingers.\u00a0 He is shaping it that is what we are doing.\u00a0 We are using instruction to shape our children, to shape and form the ways that they think.\u00a0 So, it is formative instruction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you talk about instructing, you are not simply talking about training them not to dump their spaghetti on the floor.\u00a0 It is not just these are the behaviors to do or not to do.\u00a0 You are talking about a bigger view of instruction that you can start with a young child to tell them about God and creation and the fall and redemption and the whole master plan for the scriptures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> Absolutely.\u00a0 We want to be giving them God\u2019s ways and God\u2019s truth from the earliest days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, Margie, if they do dump their spaghetti on the floor, obviously there is a discipline issue there.\u00a0 If I am going to train, I do not want them to dump their spaghetti on the floor; but I do not want to just teach them no we do not do that in our house, which is kind of the way most parents will default to.\u00a0 But I want to give it a bigger, grander perspective than no we do not do that in our house.\u00a0 How do I do that with something like dumping your spaghetti on the floor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Margy:<\/strong> Well, first of all, the way you respond to them dumping spaghetti on the floor is a huge training exercise because we all have things come to us in our life that are unexpected and unpleasant.\u00a0 For the parent to respond to the child in a way that is loving, forgiving, kind, gracious is an excellent start because we are always representing to our children what God is like.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we are harsh and unforgiving in our response to our children\u2019s childishness in that issue, then we are teaching them that, that is what God is like.\u00a0 So, the first training that is going on in that issue is how is mom responding.\u00a0 If I respond in loving and gracious and godly ways, the child will not resist me taking them to issues of responding appropriately to authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven over issues that are not moral or ethical issues like throwing the spaghetti on the floor, but issues of authority.\u00a0 Mommy has determined that this is not an appropriate thing for you to do or an appropriate time to be involved in childish behavior.\u00a0 God has called you to be a child who obeys mommy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe take them to Ephesians 6:1-3 that circle of blessing where things go well and we enjoy long life when we live under God\u2019s method and showing to them the paths of life.\u00a0 Really, it is an occasion to show them the spaghetti is not the issue, living as a child in God\u2019s way under parental authority is the issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here is what happened in the Rainey household.\u00a0 The child got the instruction.\u00a0 The child got this little cheesy grin on his face, looked at mommy or looked at daddy, then slowly took the spaghetti and pushed it to the edge of the tray and off onto the floor.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You had those kind of children at your house?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, Bob. I know none of our listeners have children like that, and I know the Tripp\u2019s did not have children that pushed back.\u00a0 What do you do in that situation?\u00a0 You have instructed.\u00a0 The child looks right at you, and it is, I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Showdown.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In your book you said you got to know a child\u2019s heart.\u00a0 It does not take a rocket scientist at this point to recognize defiance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> You have to face that rebellion head on in terms of corrective discipline for that child who has defied you in that way.\u00a0 Depending on his age, that is going to determine exactly what that correction will look like.\u00a0 I think that Margy\u2019s point too is that I want to be giving him a worldview that is attractive\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> That calls him away from that kind of defiant behavior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And this is a daily\u2014I was going to say tireless, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> Tiring is what it is.\u00a0 It is exhausting sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is.\u00a0 I think this is what moms and dads have got to recognize you just some days you just go I\u2019m exhausted doing this.\u00a0 What God is calling us to is everyday having that as our agenda.\u00a0 I\u2019m in the middle of a training session that is going to go on for years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Barbara called a mom the other day\u2014a mom of a bunch of preschoolers.\u00a0 She said you could hear it in her voice, she was overwhelmed.\u00a0 She said \u201cI knew exactly how she felt\u201d because when you have six children in ten years you get a lot of life coming at you.\u00a0 You get urgent in terms of addressing certain issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, what we have in the listening audience just outside of the studio is a dad who came in to listen to these broadcasts because he had a couple of issues that were pressing on him.\u00a0 We will let his name be anonymous.\u00a0 But\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We will just call him Todd.\u00a0 How is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We will call him Todd.\u00a0 Todd will work.\u00a0 Todd tells us the ages of your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> We have a six, four, three, and a two month old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What is your first question Todd?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong> My first question was that our oldest, our six year old is a perfectionist by nature, how do we help that child learn to give themselves grace and at the same time manage their frustration?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here we are on instructing.\u00a0 How do you instruct a child who\u2014you would not think of perfectionism as being a sinful tendency or pattern.\u00a0 It sounds like you are trying to be good, but there can be a whole self righteous root that is caught up in this perfectionism.\u00a0 So, Margy, how do you handle this perfectionist six year old?\u00a0 How do you train them to adjust their expectations?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Margy:<\/strong> A wonderful place to go, I believe, is what are God\u2019s expectations of us and giving formative instruction that brings to a child that wonderful understanding that you see in passages like Colossians 3.\u00a0 It reads \u201cwhatever you do work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for men since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.\u00a0 It is the Lord Christ you are serving.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA person who is a perfectionist\u2014often the roots that are in the heart, the why of the perfectionism have a great of deal to do with many things: a sense of insecurity, a desire to please man, all kinds of things that hide in the heart.\u00a0 Teaching that child to trust God rather than himself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Margy, if I say to my perfectionist six year old \u2018now you need to do your work heartily as unto the Lord\u2019, isn\u2019t that just going to ratchet them to a higher \u2026.\u00a0\u00a0 If I\u2019m doing this for the Lord, then it has to be even better than perfect.\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Margy:<\/strong> I believe that if you go to the passage in Matthew 25, I think it is the parable of the talents.\u00a0 You see that the lord, the master, gave each of his servants according to their ability.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTeaching a child to be content with what God has made them able to do and not expecting of themselves more than God expects of them, I think is a key issue.\u00a0 Their work is as unto the Lord.\u00a0 It is not for themselves.\u00a0 It is not for others.\u00a0 I think key to all of that also is that when God looks at us, as we trust in God through Christ, He sees the Lord Jesus.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t see us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So for that child to know that their relationship with God, His love for them is not tied up with how much they achieve or how well they achieve, that is when they can start to relax and rest a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I think having a child see that God accepts me and loves me because God accepts me and loves me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is not based on performance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> Exactly.\u00a0 It is not based on performance.\u00a0 It is not based on things in me.\u00a0 It is based on the mystery of the large heart of God which we cannot possibly understand.\u00a0 Helping children see that is very important.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you touched on something too, though, a moment ago, Bob.\u00a0 For the parent of the six year old, you might think \u201cwhat issues of pride and heart idolatry might be there and how can I talk to this child about it in a constructive way\u201d?\u00a0 Not just at those moments of correction because those are never the moments we can make the most gains.\u00a0 Even in some non-confrontational time, how can I bring truth to this kid and help him to begin to identify those idols of the heart that he may be serving with the perfectionism?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Can I give you an illustration of this?\u00a0 I had dinner with my fifteen year old son the other night\u2014my wife was out of town.\u00a0 So, we just went out for dinner.\u00a0 This had been on my mind for awhile, and here we were having a nice dinner together enjoying it.\u00a0 I just said \u2018I have observed something with you that frankly I have seen in me, too\u2019.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is how I had the conversation.\u00a0 I said \u2018Here is what I observed you are a very relaxed, easy-going, adaptable, young man.\u2019\u00a0 I said \u2018I tend to be relaxed.\u00a0 In deference to others, we tend to be pleasers.\u00a0 Somebody will say what do you want to do?\u00a0 I just want to do whatever is going to make everybody else happy.\u2019\u00a0 I said \u2018You know, that is a good thing, but it can be a bad thing\u2019.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said \u2018Here is how it can be a bad thing.\u00a0 God is going to call you, at some point, to be in a relationship where you need to lead.\u00a0 If all you are doing is pleasing instead of leading, it is not going to go well with you.\u00a0 What you are going to be doing is assigning to your wife, at that point, the task of leading, and you are just there to make her happy.\u00a0 It won\u2019t go well.\u00a0 Trust me, I know.\u00a0 I have been down this path young man\u2019.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was not because of something.\u00a0 I was not even addressing a specific issue that I had seen.\u00a0 Just kind of a general sense of what is going on his life, and I was able to do it by talking about my own issues, my own short comings in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what you had learned\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We did not have any blow-ups.\u00a0 He did not get upset or offended.\u00a0 It was just a good time.\u00a0 As a parent, you walk away from of those moments going \u2018was he even paying attention?\u00a0 Did that even sink in?\u2019\u00a0 But if you are faithful to do what God has called you to do, it is amazing how they will come back to you six months later and go \u201cyou remember how we were talking about that, well, I\u2019m seeing it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> See what you did in that situation?\u00a0 Perhaps one of the reasons it went so well is that you were not correcting him at that moment.\u00a0 It was not \u201cI have seen you be a pleaser here, and you\u2019ve got to stop doing that\u201d because then he may very well have dug in his heels.\u00a0 All of us are defensive when we feel under attack.\u00a0 So, you have to look as a parent for those non-confrontational times to be giving the instruction that our kids need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to make two points here.\u00a0 First of all, what, Tedd, you and Margy have really calling parents to be and to do is to reflect a biblical viewpoint of how God made their children.\u00a0 We are like mirrors.\u00a0 It says in the Bible the Bible is a mirror we look into it, and we really get an idea of what God expects of us.\u00a0 So, parents need to know the scripture.\u00a0 They need to know that parable of the talents that you quoted Margy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing\u2014I don\u2019t want to use this as an escape hatch, but I do want to say this for Todd\u2014there are some issues that children battle that they begin to show up when they are two, three, four, five.\u00a0 This is just going to be that child\u2019s Achilles\u2019 heel.\u00a0 It is going to take instruction, coaching, prayer, help, cheerleading with that child\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A powerful move of the Spirit of God in that child\u2019s life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd: <\/strong>\u00a0All of that.\u00a0 I think also it may very well be something that at age 26, 36, 56 is still a tendency.\u00a0 That is okay God\u2019s grace is big for all of that.\u00a0 I do not think we have to look at it from the standpoint we have to fix this kid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is my point.\u00a0 I think some of the parenting that is taking place today is we are trying to create a little assembly line of cookie cutter kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Plastic extrusion press model is the way I describe it sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 With human beings, that is not going to work because they are different.\u00a0 We have time for one more question, Todd.\u00a0 It needs to be quick.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong>\u00a0 As a follow up to that question, where is the balance of allowing that child to vent her frustration, her anger?\u00a0 Where do they cross a line to where some discipline should be handed out and what should that discipline look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, this is a child who gets frustrated by the fact that she is not achieving at her own standards and that frustration shows up in unrighteous anger in the family.\u00a0 What do you do, Margy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Margy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I believe that you spend of time in passages of scripture like 1Corinthians 10:13, \u201cI won\u2019t tempt you beyond what you are able to bear, but with the temptation I provide a way of escape\u201d and the beautiful passages in Hebrews 2 and 4 where we are taught that Christ was made like His brothers in every way so that He could be a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChildren with these kinds of personality profiles that are not likely to change easily need a lot of grace.\u00a0 We do not really teach our children how to get better at living in God\u2019s world.\u00a0 What we can teach them, learning how to beat a path to the cross.\u00a0 The gospel has to be central for this child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow is it ever appropriate for this child just to take time away from what is eating him alive in terms of his perfectionism?\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0\u00a0 There may be some occasions where it might be appropriate to even institute some stiffer type of consequence, but I think the bigger issue here is this child learning to live in the freedom as he learns to trust God and know God and to live in the freedom of who he is because of the work of the Lord Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0As the child gets older, one of things I would have a child like that do is memorize a scripture around an area of weakness.\u00a0 I believe it is Galatians 5:1that says \u201cit was for freedom, that Christ has set us free.\u201d\u00a0 A child can hide those words in his or her heart, and it can begin to help the way they think about himself or herself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or another passage John 8:36 \u201cIf the Son set you free, you shall be free indeed.\u201d\u00a0 You can even spend some time with that child in a Bible study, teasing out all the aspects of freedom: freedom to fail, freedom to disappoint myself, freedom and so forth\u2014that I am free in Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I am hearing something pretty major in what we are talking about.\u00a0 Mom and dad need to know God\u2019s word pretty well to be able to do this.\u00a0 I am thinking a lot of listeners who are going \u201cwell, how do you find those verses that you are talking about?\u201d\u00a0 So, Tedd, how do you find those verses?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tedd:<\/strong> Obviously, our own study of the scripture, we need to be working with God\u2019s word all the time ourselves.\u00a0 Even if it is just a matter of my own reading the Bible or listening to it on CD when I\u2019m in the car or listening to it on an MP3 player, but I am getting Bible input into myself if I am going to have truth that I am going to give to my kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI cannot just be talking out of my own head because I am not the fountainhead of wisdom, but Christ is.\u00a0 There is unending stores of insight and wisdom in God.\u00a0 I think we have got to bring God\u2019s word to ourselves all the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Margy:<\/strong> It is also wonderful opportunity to develop a child rearing concordance as we run across these problems that our children have not only have the discipline problems but the way sin has affected their personality and shaped their young lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to find the rich treasures in God\u2019s word that bring resolution to those things.\u00a0 We need to become well versed in them.\u00a0 We need to hang them on our walls or put them on 3X5 cards by the sink as we do the dishes or carry them in the car with us\u2014only at stop lights, of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of the question that was asked by Todd.\u00a0 Usually in a marriage between a husband and a wife there are opposites.\u00a0 I am wondering in his marriage who is the perfectionist and who is the one who is a little more free.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt could be that perfectionist in that marriage may need to go work in his or her own heart and then\u2014as we modeled here and talked about around the table\u2014share God\u2019s work and how God is at work in mommy\u2019s life or daddy\u2019s life to bring freedom to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think this where as parents we have got to understand our relationship with Christ: how we spend time in God\u2019s word, how we spend time in prayer, how we live our Christian lives.\u00a0 It is not just about us.\u00a0 It is about the children we are raising.\u00a0 If we are not spending time in God\u2019s word, if we are not growing spiritually, that is going to have an impact on our sons and daughters.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess I am saying if you are not motivated in your walk with Christ by the impact it will have on your life personally, I would hope you might be motivated by the impact it is going to have on the lives of your children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, you and Barbara wrote a book <em>Growing a Spiritually Strong Family<\/em>, and we did a four CD series on the themes from that book.\u00a0 We are making that CD series available this week to those folks who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 If folks would like more information on how to get those CD\u2019s, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request the CD\u2019s.\u00a0 Again, that is available for a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are making your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, just type the word \u201cSTRONG\u201d into the online key code box on the donation form.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 You can ask for a copy of that CD series on <em>Growing a Spiritually Strong Family<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you don\u2019t have a copy of Tedd\u2019s book <em>Shepherding a Child\u2019s Heart<\/em> that is a classic book that we have in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 You ought to get both <em>Shepherding a Child\u2019s Heart<\/em> and the new book <em>Instructing a Child\u2019s Heart<\/em>.\u00a0 There is more information about those resources online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call us toll free at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 We will let you know how you can get a copy of either or both of those books sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow Tedd and Margy Tripp will be back with us.\u00a0 We are going to continue talking about how we can help our children to think biblically as they grow.\u00a0 We will talk more about that tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can join us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t2010 Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302114","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302114"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302114"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302114"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302114"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302114"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302114"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}