{"id":302109,"date":"2010-09-09T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-09T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-flicker-of-hope\/"},"modified":"2010-09-09T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-09T15:00:00","slug":"a-flicker-of-hope","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-flicker-of-hope\/","title":{"rendered":"A Flicker of Hope"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>She should have died, but she was alive.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-09.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.64M","filesize_raw":"23742275","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873],"tags":[4932,2216],"podcast_series":[7753],"cwp_profile":[9211],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302109","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-difficulty","tag-suffering","podcast_series-life-in-spite-of-me","cwp_profile-kristen-jane-anderson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302109\/a-flicker-of-hope","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302109\/a-flicker-of-hope","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"It1tOdrrgP\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-flicker-of-hope\/\">A Flicker of Hope<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-flicker-of-hope\/embed\/#?secret=It1tOdrrgP\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Flicker of Hope&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"It1tOdrrgP\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-09.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-09.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 When she was 17 years old, Kristen Jane Anderson sought to end her life by lying across a railroad track as the train was approaching.\u00a0 Miraculously, she survived; although her legs were severed.\u00a0 She was soon to realize that God had a purpose for her life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Three months after I lost my legs, I was out of the hospital.\u00a0 We went back to church that Sunday.\u00a0 A woman came up to me who had heard about what happened to me.\u00a0 She told me that I would have gone to hell if I died.\u00a0 It was very difficult at the time, but I am very grateful that she was that bold at the time because it helped me see my need for Him.\u00a0 It helped me think about where I would have gone eternally.\u00a0 \u201cIf I had died, where would I go?\u201d\u00a0 I had never thought about it more than at that time in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 9th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Kristen Jane Anderson joins us today to share a story of beauty from ashes and redemption from tragedy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I have read the statistics about teenage suicide, about teens who overdose on a handful of pills from the medicine cabinet or who do violence to themselves in some way to take their own lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that I have ever heard a story like the one we are hearing this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 We have a guest with us this week who is willing to tell a profound story, quite a drama.\u00a0 Kristen Jane Anderson joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Kristen, you have written a book called <em>Life, In Spite of Me<\/em>.\u00a0 As our listeners heard earlier, that really is an understatement.\u00a0 A lot of things had taken place in your life that had left you hopeless, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 A lot of things happened.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Your father was struggling from depression as you grew up as a little girl and as a teenager.\u00a0 You had three friends, as a teenager, who lost their lives\u2014one to suicide.\u00a0 You had a couple of guys stalking you\u2014one who raped you.\u00a0 You were hopeless and no one knew it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 My family especially knew something was wrong with me because it wasn\u2019t in my character to not come home when I was supposed to.\u00a0 I had started drinking and smoking and things like that.\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t anything I had done before.\u00a0 I also stopped playing soccer.\u00a0 That was something that I loved to do, and so they knew something was wrong with me.\u00a0 They just didn\u2019t know how much was wrong inside and how I was feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You say they knew something was wrong.\u00a0 If you were to look back and say, \u201cThere had been something going back in my heart and soul for a month...three months...six months.\u201d\u00a0 What?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think that it was a lot going on that whole period of time, but I think the last six months before my attempt were the worst.\u00a0 I think I just kind of died inside.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t care about my life or anything anymore.\u00a0 I drove around hoping somebody would hit me.\u00a0 I wanted my life to end.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to take it, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople would ask me how I was doing.\u00a0 I would say, \u201cI\u2019m here.\u2019\u00a0 Kind of like, \u201cIsn\u2019t that good enough?\u201d\u00a0 I had just a much more negative and a little bit of a bitter attitude.\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t my normal demeanor, but at the same time I still had a smile on my face.\u00a0 So people really were confused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here it is the second day of the New Millennium, January 2, 2000.\u00a0 It is a cold day.\u00a0 You left the house, sitting in a park, just thinking about life.\u00a0 The impulse\u2014really\u2014it was an impulse hits you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I want to make a comment about that because I have read this before that a number of suicides that occur among young people are done, not in a sense of really thinking it through, but just deciding at the spur of the moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 For me, it was.\u00a0 I could never have made that as a rational decision.\u00a0 If I was going to do it, it would have had to be impulsive.\u00a0 I think that most people would think that way.\u00a0 I think most kids, especially.\u00a0 They know that suicide is wrong.\u00a0 They can never rationalize it enough to think it is okay or it is right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You didn\u2019t think about writing a note saying, \u201cIt\u2019s all over.\u201d\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have time and I wasn\u2019t worried about other people.\u00a0 I was in a very selfish place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you went and laid across the railroad tracks with a train coming.\u00a0 Did the conductor see you dive across the tracks?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 The police report says that the conductor said to the engineer, \u201cDid you see that yellow flash?\u201d\u00a0 The engineer said to the conductor, \u201cYes. I think we just hit someone.\u201d\u00a0 The yellow flash that they saw was this yellow jacket that I had on\u2014my winter coat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a new coat that you had just gotten for Christmas was it, or was that the jeans you had gotten?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 The coat was new; the shoes were new.\u00a0 All of it was new actually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you dove across the tracks.\u00a0 The conductor, the engineer said, \u201cI think we just hit somebody.\u201d\u00a0 They put on the brakes, brought the train to a stop?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Then they called 911.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And came back finding you lying on the tracks, legs severed\u2014one below the knee and the other...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They didn\u2019t come to find me, but the paramedics found me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but with my legs severed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have already shared with us this week that you were in record-time taken to the nearest hospital in your area\u2014wheeled into surgery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Still wanting to die.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And still thinking that was probably where you were headed.\u00a0 What is the next thing that you remember?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The next thing I remember was waking up in Intensive Care.\u00a0 I was in surgery all night long.\u00a0 The next thing I remember was waking up\u2014opening my eyes, trying to figure out where I was.\u00a0 I saw my mother, my dad, my brother, my sister, and my brother-in-law all in the room, their arms crossed and their faces looking down at the floor.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t understand where I was or why everyone looked so unhappy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen my mom ran to the side of my bed.\u00a0 She said, \u201cHoney, we are so glad you are okay.\u201d\u00a0 I remembered what had happened the night before.\u00a0 I said, \u201cMom, they cut my clothes and they cut my coat.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cOh, honey.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay.\u00a0 We are just glad you are here.\u00a0 We can get you new ones.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about that.\u201d\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t believe that I said that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also wasn\u2019t thinking about the fact that I had lost my legs.\u00a0 In that moment I hadn\u2019t really understood the reality of it yet.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were you angry at that point that you were alive?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was interesting because at this point everyone was so happy to see me, and they were so happy I was alive.\u00a0 I had mixed emotions.\u00a0 I was beginning to be a little bit grateful that I lived, but I was still hoping that I would maybe slip away.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Even in that moment, your desire to die\u2014the thing that had propelled you onto the tracks\u2014the thing that was still with you when the paramedics found you\u2014now you are recovered; your family is there.\u00a0 They are saying, \u201cWe are just so glad you are here;\u201d and you are still thinking, \u201cI just want to go.\u00a0 I just want to be done with this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the things they have told me since then is that they were worried.\u00a0 If I didn\u2019t want to live my life with my legs, how was I going to want to live my life without my legs?\u00a0 That is kind of the place I was in.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to live my life with all my other problems and now I didn\u2019t have my legs!\u00a0 How was I going to do that?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think I could do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So the despair that had kind of come upon you impulsively was now gripping you in terms of just wanting it all to be over and life to end.\u00a0 There was still no sense of any kind of hope for the future for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was small.\u00a0 It was very small.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what the future held, and because I was on a lot of medication\u2014my emotions were very numb, which was good and bad at the time.\u00a0 It caused me not to think a lot\u2014not to feel a lot; but I had hope, more than anything, in people.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy hope was because people told me, \u201cThere is a reason you are here.\u00a0 God kept you here for a reason.\u00a0 There is something you are supposed to do here.\u201d\u00a0 That was really encouraging to me.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know why He kept me here or what I was supposed to do here; but I kind of held on to that because I realized that because of how much blood I lost and because of how many cars had run over me as fast as they did\u2014all the scientific details\u2014I knew I should have died; but I was alive.\u00a0 That did speak some volume to me about God and His faithfulness and His goodness and His love for me.\u00a0 I had a small hope that was growing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is one more emotion that you undoubtedly had to experience because you mentioned earlier that what kind of propelled you onto the tracks was you were really thinking about yourself.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t write a letter to your family members say, \u201cGoodbye.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 I thought about them on the tracks.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cThey will get over me,\u201d or things like that.\u00a0 I was worried how they would feel, but I was more consumed with my own pain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When you finally kind of came to, and the drugs began to wear off, undoubtedly you began to experience some shame.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And some embarrassment at what you tried to accomplish but didn\u2019t.\u00a0 I mean, you were alive!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And even though God was at work in your soul, how did you handle that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a really hard for thing for me.\u00a0 I actually didn\u2019t remember laying on the tracks for a long time.\u00a0 People told me that the police report said it was an attempted suicide and everyone assumed it was, but I didn\u2019t remember doing it.\u00a0 I had a really hard time accepting that for a long time, but I began having flashbacks.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEventually I had a full flashback where I remembered laying on the tracks.\u00a0 That was devastating for me because I did not want to believe that I would do something like that; but it brought me closer to God because I started crying out for Him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew\u2014I just felt so broken\u2014I was so full of shame\u2014I was so embarrassed.\u00a0 I was so overwhelmed, but I had started to work through some of the stuff that had happened before my attempted suicide in counseling so now I started to work through my actual attempted suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You said that you grew up in a home that was a church-going home and that you had been in church but you had not really heard about a personal relationship with Christ.\u00a0 In these times of despair and dealing with the circumstances you lived with, what were the influences that were drawing you in the direction of God?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Three months after I lost my legs, I was out of the hospital on a weekend visit before my next surgery.\u00a0 We went back to church that Sunday.\u00a0 A woman came up to me, who I didn\u2019t know, who had heard what had happened to me; and she told me I would have gone to hell if I had died.\u00a0 I had never thought about that before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wait.\u00a0 Wait a second.\u00a0 You are talking about somebody at church came up to you and said you would go to hell?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How did that hit you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was very hard for me because I had never thought about whether or not I would have gone to hell if I had died.\u00a0 I thought about it a little bit, but not really, because everyone around me told me, \u201cKristen, you would have gone to heaven.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about it.\u201d\u00a0 They assured me of that, but I began to worry when she told me that there was a chance I could have gone to hell. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t just want to accept the \u201cfeel good\u201d answer or think naively about it.\u00a0 I wanted to know if I would have died, where I would have been.\u00a0 If I would have been in hell right then, I wanted to know it.\u00a0 So, that is when I really started asking God where I would have gone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVery shortly after that, a couple, who were friends with my sister, came over to have dinner with my parents and me just to encourage us after everything that had happened.\u00a0 I found out that the man was studying in seminary to be a pastor.\u00a0 I took that as my opportunity to ask someone if he thought I would have gone to hell if I had died.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe told me that every single one of us are created to be in a personal and intimate relationship with God, but because of our sin, because of the wrong things we have done, we are separated from Him eternally.\u00a0 But that is why Jesus died for us\u2014to pay the penalty for our sins\u2014to reunite us with God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGrowing up in church, I had heard\u2014I believed in God.\u00a0 I believed Jesus was the Son of God and I knew that He died for my sins, but I never knew that there was a choice I needed to make or that I was created to be in a personal, intimate relationship with Him.\u00a0 When this man told me this, I knew what he was telling me was truer than anything I had ever heard in my life, but I didn\u2019t want to just take his word for it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked him to show me in the Bible.\u00a0 He showed me a lot of different passages, but the verse that stood out to me the most was John 14:6.\u00a0 That is where Jesus says, \u201cI am the Way and the Truth and the Life.\u00a0 No one comes to the Father but by Me.\u201d\u00a0 I just knew that was exactly what I needed to know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew that the Father was in heaven\u2014I knew that is where I wanted to go, but I knew that I had never made a personal decision to accept Jesus into my heart or my life or become a Christian.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have a relationship with Him; so that night, sitting on the floor of my parents\u2019 dining room, I accepted Him into my heart and into my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrom that moment forward, I know that God was with me and the Holy Spirit was inside of me, working in many ways.\u00a0 He brought all these different people into my life.\u00a0 I ended up having a Christian counselor when I wasn\u2019t even seeking a Christian counselor.\u00a0 She spoke a lot of truth into my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to a community college at the time.\u00a0 I met this woman who just shined with more love and light and joy than anyone I had ever met in my life.\u00a0 I remember going back from meeting her one day and saying, \u201cGod, I want to know You the way that lady knows You.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I felt Him telling me was, \u201cKristen, you have to let me be your best friend.\u00a0 You have to start going to Me for everything.\u201d\u00a0 I was still going to my friends and my doctors and my parents before Him; but He was the One who created me.\u00a0 He was the One who knew me.\u00a0 He was the One who made me.\u00a0 He knew my problems more than I did or anyone else did, and He knew the answers more than anyone else did.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I started going to Him before everyone else.\u00a0 I started centering my life around Him, putting Him first.\u00a0 I got involved in a really good Christian church where I started to grow spiritually.\u00a0 The closer I got with Him, the more I began to experience the joy and peace and contentment\u2014just a love for life\u2014like I never had before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What is the timeframe from what we are talking about\u2014it was January when you attempted suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Then it was March when I became a Christian\u2014March of 2000.\u00a0 I still struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression for about three years.\u00a0 It was March 2003 when I started going to that church.\u00a0 So my relationship with Him was very immature, but I was growing in that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the biggest reasons I struggled in those three years with depression after my attempt is because I didn\u2019t know how important it was to be part of a Bible-believing, Gospel-preaching church\u2014be a part of the body of Christ.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know how much having Christian friends would help me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also didn\u2019t know how real Satan was and that it was his desire to destroy me and mess with my life.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t realize how important it was for me to read the Bible every single day.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t practicing a lot of things that I know would have been helpful for me in growing in my relationship with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I find it interesting that God would use a woman who came up to you and who told you that you were going to hell.\u00a0 Looking back on that, as offensive as that sounds here in this studio today, what are your thoughts about what that woman did and how God used that in your life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was very difficult at the time, but I am very grateful that she was that bold at the time because it helped me see my need for Him.\u00a0 It helped me think about where I would have gone eternally.\u00a0 If I died, I never thought about it more than at that time in my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was she loving as she said it, or was she condemning as she said it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She was just very frank.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You think of saying that to somebody who is three months\u2019 out of the hospital in a wheelchair, no legs; and just walking up and saying, \u201cYou know, it is a good thing you lived; because if had died, you would have gone to hell.\u201d\u00a0 It is bold.\u00a0 Some people would say it is insensitive to say that; but you are sitting here going, \u201cNo.\u00a0 It was sensitive to the real needs in my life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I needed to hear it.\u00a0 She could have said those words in a nicer way, but it was what I needed to hear\u2014regardless.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Kristen, the three years from when you trusted Christ in your parents\u2019 living room.\u00a0 I have to ask you about that.\u00a0 Were your parents sitting there as this seminary student is unveiling the gospel for you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What are they thinking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have no idea what they were thinking.\u00a0 I think they were all just focused on me.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t thinking for themselves; they were just thinking...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>...maybe this will help Kristen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In their presence, did you pray that night?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was after the couple left and after my parents were doing their own thing.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t know that I was accepting Christ as I sat on the floor that night.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did you say the next day, \u201cMom, Dad, I prayed last night to become a Christian\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I didn\u2019t tell them, but I told my best friend.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But you did tell somebody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The next three years you continued to battle, primarily because you didn\u2019t get plugged in.\u00a0 Is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes; definitely.\u00a0 I actually tried going to a number of churches, but they weren\u2019t wheel-chair accessible.\u00a0 I never felt like I fit in there for one reason or another, but I visited this church that I ended up going to once before I ended up going back.\u00a0 I knew that God wanted me to go there.\u00a0 It was a whole year in between when I went back.\u00a0 I knew that is where He wanted me to be finally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Kristen, in listening to your story\u2014the older I get, the more aware I am of how many people are hurting.\u00a0 You have already said how many people have read your book and written you and have given it to other people because there are a lot of hopeless people\u2014a lot of people who need to have hope born in their hearts, like He was born in your heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what I would like you to do is just to speak directly to that person who is listening who is pretty hopeless, who needs Christ.\u00a0 Maybe he or she has been going to church; maybe they haven\u2019t.\u00a0 Maybe they stumbled onto this broadcast, but they need to find the One who can redeem them from hell and from their sins and have hope born in their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you are struggling with pain in your life, or with suicidal thoughts, or with depression, I want you to know that there is a reason you are here.\u00a0 God created you for a purpose.\u00a0 No matter what you are going through, it is temporary.\u00a0 You are not alone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has tremendous plans for you.\u00a0 There is hope in Christ that surpasses anything in this world.\u00a0 He has so much hope for us.\u00a0 He has so many plans for us\u2014every single one of us.\u00a0 Nobody is an accident, including you.\u00a0 There is a reason you are here.\u00a0 I just want to encourage you to, \u201cHold on.\u00a0 Seek God with all of your heart.\u201d\u00a0 I know you will find Him.\u00a0 He will bring you out of the depths of despair like He has me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I just want to re-read that passage that was shared with you by that young man who was going through seminary, John14:6:\u00a0 \u201cJesus said to him, \u2018I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life.\u00a0 No one comes to the Father except through Me.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus Christ is the person at the center of Christianity.\u00a0 He is the One who makes it possible for us to have a relationship with God.\u00a0 He will meet you at your point of despair.\u00a0 There is nothing you are facing, nothing you are going through, that is bigger than the God Who loves you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy encouragement to that listener is to cry out to God in prayer\u2014a simple prayer.\u00a0 \u201cLord, be merciful to me, a sinner.\u00a0 I want to know Jesus Christ as my Lord, Master, and Savior.\u201d\u00a0 If you do that, I have it on the authority of this book, the Bible, that He will meet you there; and He will save you from your disappointments, your sin\u2014how you have offended God\u2014and bring you into a right relationship with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There are probably some things you need to do\u2014some next steps you need to take, as Kristen has talked about here today, so that you don\u2019t find yourself spiritually stagnant.\u00a0 Many of those steps are outlined in a book we would like to send you at no cost\u2014a book called <em>Pursuing God<\/em>.\u00a0 This is a book we send out to those who are considering what it means to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether you have been in church throughout your life or not, if the spiritual lights are just starting to come on in your life, call us at 1-800-FLTODAY and let us send you a copy of the book <em>Pursuing God<\/em> by Jim Elliff.\u00a0 It is our gift to you; and it is our hope that God will use this book in a powerful way to bring you into a relationship with Jesus and to help you walk in that relationship as His child, as you put your trust in Him.\u00a0 You can request a copy of the book by calling 1-800-FLTODAY; that is 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also encourage you to go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can get information there about Kristen Anderson\u2019s book <em>Life in Spite of Me<\/em>\u2014<em>extraordinary hope after a fatal choice<\/em>.\u00a0 There are also other books we have listed on the website that talk about the issue of depression and suicide.\u00a0 Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the resources we have available.\u00a0 You can order online if you would like; or again, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request the resources you have heard us talk about today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention that today and tomorrow are the last two days you have an opportunity to sign up and join us on the FamilyLife <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>cruise which we are going to be taking in February of 2011, actually Valentine\u2019s week, February 14-18.\u00a0 Dennis and Barbara Rainey are going to be on the cruise, along with Crawford and Karen Loritts, Kirk Cameron is going to be there, Shaunti Feldhahn is going to be there.\u00a0 We are going to have music from <em>Selah<\/em> and <em>Point of Grace<\/em> and <em>Big Daddy Weave<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is going to be a great week for couples.\u00a0 The FamilyLife <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise.\u00a0 The ship is almost full.\u00a0 We have a limited number of cabins still available.\u00a0 If you sign up by tomorrow, you can save 50 percent on your stateroom.\u00a0 It is a buy one; get one free arrangement for the cruise.\u00a0 All you have to do to take advantage of the special for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners is type my name\u2014type \u201cBOB\u201d\u2014in the promo code box on the online registration form.\u00a0 We hope you will get more information by going on FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise link, and we hope you will sign up and join us.\u00a0 We look forward to seeing you as we set sail next February on Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also encourage you to be back here tomorrow.\u00a0 Kristen Anderson is going to join us again, and we are going to talk more about her life following her attempted suicide and about the hope that she has found.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock Arkansas \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a9 2010 FamilyLife\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t__________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.64M"],"filesize_raw":["23742275"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302109.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302109.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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should have died, but she was alive.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 When she was 17 years old, Kristen Jane Anderson sought to end her life by lying across a railroad track as the train was approaching.\u00a0 Miraculously, she survived; although her legs were severed.\u00a0 She was soon to realize that God had a purpose for her life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Three months after I lost my legs, I was out of the hospital.\u00a0 We went back to church that Sunday.\u00a0 A woman came up to me who had heard about what happened to me.\u00a0 She told me that I would have gone to hell if I died.\u00a0 It was very difficult at the time, but I am very grateful that she was that bold at the time because it helped me see my need for Him.\u00a0 It helped me think about where I would have gone eternally.\u00a0 \u201cIf I had died, where would I go?\u201d\u00a0 I had never thought about it more than at that time in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 9th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Kristen Jane Anderson joins us today to share a story of beauty from ashes and redemption from tragedy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I have read the statistics about teenage suicide, about teens who overdose on a handful of pills from the medicine cabinet or who do violence to themselves in some way to take their own lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that I have ever heard a story like the one we are hearing this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 We have a guest with us this week who is willing to tell a profound story, quite a drama.\u00a0 Kristen Jane Anderson joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Kristen, you have written a book called <em>Life, In Spite of Me<\/em>.\u00a0 As our listeners heard earlier, that really is an understatement.\u00a0 A lot of things had taken place in your life that had left you hopeless, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 A lot of things happened.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Your father was struggling from depression as you grew up as a little girl and as a teenager.\u00a0 You had three friends, as a teenager, who lost their lives\u2014one to suicide.\u00a0 You had a couple of guys stalking you\u2014one who raped you.\u00a0 You were hopeless and no one knew it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 My family especially knew something was wrong with me because it wasn\u2019t in my character to not come home when I was supposed to.\u00a0 I had started drinking and smoking and things like that.\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t anything I had done before.\u00a0 I also stopped playing soccer.\u00a0 That was something that I loved to do, and so they knew something was wrong with me.\u00a0 They just didn\u2019t know how much was wrong inside and how I was feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You say they knew something was wrong.\u00a0 If you were to look back and say, \u201cThere had been something going back in my heart and soul for a month...three months...six months.\u201d\u00a0 What?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think that it was a lot going on that whole period of time, but I think the last six months before my attempt were the worst.\u00a0 I think I just kind of died inside.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t care about my life or anything anymore.\u00a0 I drove around hoping somebody would hit me.\u00a0 I wanted my life to end.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to take it, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople would ask me how I was doing.\u00a0 I would say, \u201cI\u2019m here.\u2019\u00a0 Kind of like, \u201cIsn\u2019t that good enough?\u201d\u00a0 I had just a much more negative and a little bit of a bitter attitude.\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t my normal demeanor, but at the same time I still had a smile on my face.\u00a0 So people really were confused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here it is the second day of the New Millennium, January 2, 2000.\u00a0 It is a cold day.\u00a0 You left the house, sitting in a park, just thinking about life.\u00a0 The impulse\u2014really\u2014it was an impulse hits you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I want to make a comment about that because I have read this before that a number of suicides that occur among young people are done, not in a sense of really thinking it through, but just deciding at the spur of the moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 For me, it was.\u00a0 I could never have made that as a rational decision.\u00a0 If I was going to do it, it would have had to be impulsive.\u00a0 I think that most people would think that way.\u00a0 I think most kids, especially.\u00a0 They know that suicide is wrong.\u00a0 They can never rationalize it enough to think it is okay or it is right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You didn\u2019t think about writing a note saying, \u201cIt\u2019s all over.\u201d\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have time and I wasn\u2019t worried about other people.\u00a0 I was in a very selfish place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you went and laid across the railroad tracks with a train coming.\u00a0 Did the conductor see you dive across the tracks?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 The police report says that the conductor said to the engineer, \u201cDid you see that yellow flash?\u201d\u00a0 The engineer said to the conductor, \u201cYes. I think we just hit someone.\u201d\u00a0 The yellow flash that they saw was this yellow jacket that I had on\u2014my winter coat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a new coat that you had just gotten for Christmas was it, or was that the jeans you had gotten?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 The coat was new; the shoes were new.\u00a0 All of it was new actually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you dove across the tracks.\u00a0 The conductor, the engineer said, \u201cI think we just hit somebody.\u201d\u00a0 They put on the brakes, brought the train to a stop?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Then they called 911.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And came back finding you lying on the tracks, legs severed\u2014one below the knee and the other...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They didn\u2019t come to find me, but the paramedics found me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but with my legs severed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have already shared with us this week that you were in record-time taken to the nearest hospital in your area\u2014wheeled into surgery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Still wanting to die.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And still thinking that was probably where you were headed.\u00a0 What is the next thing that you remember?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The next thing I remember was waking up in Intensive Care.\u00a0 I was in surgery all night long.\u00a0 The next thing I remember was waking up\u2014opening my eyes, trying to figure out where I was.\u00a0 I saw my mother, my dad, my brother, my sister, and my brother-in-law all in the room, their arms crossed and their faces looking down at the floor.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t understand where I was or why everyone looked so unhappy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen my mom ran to the side of my bed.\u00a0 She said, \u201cHoney, we are so glad you are okay.\u201d\u00a0 I remembered what had happened the night before.\u00a0 I said, \u201cMom, they cut my clothes and they cut my coat.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cOh, honey.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay.\u00a0 We are just glad you are here.\u00a0 We can get you new ones.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about that.\u201d\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t believe that I said that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also wasn\u2019t thinking about the fact that I had lost my legs.\u00a0 In that moment I hadn\u2019t really understood the reality of it yet.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were you angry at that point that you were alive?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was interesting because at this point everyone was so happy to see me, and they were so happy I was alive.\u00a0 I had mixed emotions.\u00a0 I was beginning to be a little bit grateful that I lived, but I was still hoping that I would maybe slip away.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Even in that moment, your desire to die\u2014the thing that had propelled you onto the tracks\u2014the thing that was still with you when the paramedics found you\u2014now you are recovered; your family is there.\u00a0 They are saying, \u201cWe are just so glad you are here;\u201d and you are still thinking, \u201cI just want to go.\u00a0 I just want to be done with this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the things they have told me since then is that they were worried.\u00a0 If I didn\u2019t want to live my life with my legs, how was I going to want to live my life without my legs?\u00a0 That is kind of the place I was in.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to live my life with all my other problems and now I didn\u2019t have my legs!\u00a0 How was I going to do that?\u00a0 I didn\u2019t think I could do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So the despair that had kind of come upon you impulsively was now gripping you in terms of just wanting it all to be over and life to end.\u00a0 There was still no sense of any kind of hope for the future for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was small.\u00a0 It was very small.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what the future held, and because I was on a lot of medication\u2014my emotions were very numb, which was good and bad at the time.\u00a0 It caused me not to think a lot\u2014not to feel a lot; but I had hope, more than anything, in people.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy hope was because people told me, \u201cThere is a reason you are here.\u00a0 God kept you here for a reason.\u00a0 There is something you are supposed to do here.\u201d\u00a0 That was really encouraging to me.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know why He kept me here or what I was supposed to do here; but I kind of held on to that because I realized that because of how much blood I lost and because of how many cars had run over me as fast as they did\u2014all the scientific details\u2014I knew I should have died; but I was alive.\u00a0 That did speak some volume to me about God and His faithfulness and His goodness and His love for me.\u00a0 I had a small hope that was growing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is one more emotion that you undoubtedly had to experience because you mentioned earlier that what kind of propelled you onto the tracks was you were really thinking about yourself.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t write a letter to your family members say, \u201cGoodbye.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 I thought about them on the tracks.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cThey will get over me,\u201d or things like that.\u00a0 I was worried how they would feel, but I was more consumed with my own pain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When you finally kind of came to, and the drugs began to wear off, undoubtedly you began to experience some shame.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And some embarrassment at what you tried to accomplish but didn\u2019t.\u00a0 I mean, you were alive!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And even though God was at work in your soul, how did you handle that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was a really hard for thing for me.\u00a0 I actually didn\u2019t remember laying on the tracks for a long time.\u00a0 People told me that the police report said it was an attempted suicide and everyone assumed it was, but I didn\u2019t remember doing it.\u00a0 I had a really hard time accepting that for a long time, but I began having flashbacks.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEventually I had a full flashback where I remembered laying on the tracks.\u00a0 That was devastating for me because I did not want to believe that I would do something like that; but it brought me closer to God because I started crying out for Him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew\u2014I just felt so broken\u2014I was so full of shame\u2014I was so embarrassed.\u00a0 I was so overwhelmed, but I had started to work through some of the stuff that had happened before my attempted suicide in counseling so now I started to work through my actual attempted suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You said that you grew up in a home that was a church-going home and that you had been in church but you had not really heard about a personal relationship with Christ.\u00a0 In these times of despair and dealing with the circumstances you lived with, what were the influences that were drawing you in the direction of God?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Three months after I lost my legs, I was out of the hospital on a weekend visit before my next surgery.\u00a0 We went back to church that Sunday.\u00a0 A woman came up to me, who I didn\u2019t know, who had heard what had happened to me; and she told me I would have gone to hell if I had died.\u00a0 I had never thought about that before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wait.\u00a0 Wait a second.\u00a0 You are talking about somebody at church came up to you and said you would go to hell?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How did that hit you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was very hard for me because I had never thought about whether or not I would have gone to hell if I had died.\u00a0 I thought about it a little bit, but not really, because everyone around me told me, \u201cKristen, you would have gone to heaven.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about it.\u201d\u00a0 They assured me of that, but I began to worry when she told me that there was a chance I could have gone to hell. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t just want to accept the \u201cfeel good\u201d answer or think naively about it.\u00a0 I wanted to know if I would have died, where I would have been.\u00a0 If I would have been in hell right then, I wanted to know it.\u00a0 So, that is when I really started asking God where I would have gone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVery shortly after that, a couple, who were friends with my sister, came over to have dinner with my parents and me just to encourage us after everything that had happened.\u00a0 I found out that the man was studying in seminary to be a pastor.\u00a0 I took that as my opportunity to ask someone if he thought I would have gone to hell if I had died.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe told me that every single one of us are created to be in a personal and intimate relationship with God, but because of our sin, because of the wrong things we have done, we are separated from Him eternally.\u00a0 But that is why Jesus died for us\u2014to pay the penalty for our sins\u2014to reunite us with God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGrowing up in church, I had heard\u2014I believed in God.\u00a0 I believed Jesus was the Son of God and I knew that He died for my sins, but I never knew that there was a choice I needed to make or that I was created to be in a personal, intimate relationship with Him.\u00a0 When this man told me this, I knew what he was telling me was truer than anything I had ever heard in my life, but I didn\u2019t want to just take his word for it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked him to show me in the Bible.\u00a0 He showed me a lot of different passages, but the verse that stood out to me the most was John 14:6.\u00a0 That is where Jesus says, \u201cI am the Way and the Truth and the Life.\u00a0 No one comes to the Father but by Me.\u201d\u00a0 I just knew that was exactly what I needed to know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew that the Father was in heaven\u2014I knew that is where I wanted to go, but I knew that I had never made a personal decision to accept Jesus into my heart or my life or become a Christian.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t have a relationship with Him; so that night, sitting on the floor of my parents\u2019 dining room, I accepted Him into my heart and into my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrom that moment forward, I know that God was with me and the Holy Spirit was inside of me, working in many ways.\u00a0 He brought all these different people into my life.\u00a0 I ended up having a Christian counselor when I wasn\u2019t even seeking a Christian counselor.\u00a0 She spoke a lot of truth into my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to a community college at the time.\u00a0 I met this woman who just shined with more love and light and joy than anyone I had ever met in my life.\u00a0 I remember going back from meeting her one day and saying, \u201cGod, I want to know You the way that lady knows You.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I felt Him telling me was, \u201cKristen, you have to let me be your best friend.\u00a0 You have to start going to Me for everything.\u201d\u00a0 I was still going to my friends and my doctors and my parents before Him; but He was the One who created me.\u00a0 He was the One who knew me.\u00a0 He was the One who made me.\u00a0 He knew my problems more than I did or anyone else did, and He knew the answers more than anyone else did.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I started going to Him before everyone else.\u00a0 I started centering my life around Him, putting Him first.\u00a0 I got involved in a really good Christian church where I started to grow spiritually.\u00a0 The closer I got with Him, the more I began to experience the joy and peace and contentment\u2014just a love for life\u2014like I never had before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What is the timeframe from what we are talking about\u2014it was January when you attempted suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Then it was March when I became a Christian\u2014March of 2000.\u00a0 I still struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression for about three years.\u00a0 It was March 2003 when I started going to that church.\u00a0 So my relationship with Him was very immature, but I was growing in that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the biggest reasons I struggled in those three years with depression after my attempt is because I didn\u2019t know how important it was to be part of a Bible-believing, Gospel-preaching church\u2014be a part of the body of Christ.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know how much having Christian friends would help me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also didn\u2019t know how real Satan was and that it was his desire to destroy me and mess with my life.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t realize how important it was for me to read the Bible every single day.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t practicing a lot of things that I know would have been helpful for me in growing in my relationship with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I find it interesting that God would use a woman who came up to you and who told you that you were going to hell.\u00a0 Looking back on that, as offensive as that sounds here in this studio today, what are your thoughts about what that woman did and how God used that in your life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was very difficult at the time, but I am very grateful that she was that bold at the time because it helped me see my need for Him.\u00a0 It helped me think about where I would have gone eternally.\u00a0 If I died, I never thought about it more than at that time in my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was she loving as she said it, or was she condemning as she said it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She was just very frank.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You think of saying that to somebody who is three months\u2019 out of the hospital in a wheelchair, no legs; and just walking up and saying, \u201cYou know, it is a good thing you lived; because if had died, you would have gone to hell.\u201d\u00a0 It is bold.\u00a0 Some people would say it is insensitive to say that; but you are sitting here going, \u201cNo.\u00a0 It was sensitive to the real needs in my life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I needed to hear it.\u00a0 She could have said those words in a nicer way, but it was what I needed to hear\u2014regardless.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Kristen, the three years from when you trusted Christ in your parents\u2019 living room.\u00a0 I have to ask you about that.\u00a0 Were your parents sitting there as this seminary student is unveiling the gospel for you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What are they thinking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have no idea what they were thinking.\u00a0 I think they were all just focused on me.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t thinking for themselves; they were just thinking...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>...maybe this will help Kristen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In their presence, did you pray that night?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It was after the couple left and after my parents were doing their own thing.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t know that I was accepting Christ as I sat on the floor that night.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did you say the next day, \u201cMom, Dad, I prayed last night to become a Christian\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I didn\u2019t tell them, but I told my best friend.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But you did tell somebody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The next three years you continued to battle, primarily because you didn\u2019t get plugged in.\u00a0 Is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes; definitely.\u00a0 I actually tried going to a number of churches, but they weren\u2019t wheel-chair accessible.\u00a0 I never felt like I fit in there for one reason or another, but I visited this church that I ended up going to once before I ended up going back.\u00a0 I knew that God wanted me to go there.\u00a0 It was a whole year in between when I went back.\u00a0 I knew that is where He wanted me to be finally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Kristen, in listening to your story\u2014the older I get, the more aware I am of how many people are hurting.\u00a0 You have already said how many people have read your book and written you and have given it to other people because there are a lot of hopeless people\u2014a lot of people who need to have hope born in their hearts, like He was born in your heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what I would like you to do is just to speak directly to that person who is listening who is pretty hopeless, who needs Christ.\u00a0 Maybe he or she has been going to church; maybe they haven\u2019t.\u00a0 Maybe they stumbled onto this broadcast, but they need to find the One who can redeem them from hell and from their sins and have hope born in their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you are struggling with pain in your life, or with suicidal thoughts, or with depression, I want you to know that there is a reason you are here.\u00a0 God created you for a purpose.\u00a0 No matter what you are going through, it is temporary.\u00a0 You are not alone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has tremendous plans for you.\u00a0 There is hope in Christ that surpasses anything in this world.\u00a0 He has so much hope for us.\u00a0 He has so many plans for us\u2014every single one of us.\u00a0 Nobody is an accident, including you.\u00a0 There is a reason you are here.\u00a0 I just want to encourage you to, \u201cHold on.\u00a0 Seek God with all of your heart.\u201d\u00a0 I know you will find Him.\u00a0 He will bring you out of the depths of despair like He has me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I just want to re-read that passage that was shared with you by that young man who was going through seminary, John14:6:\u00a0 \u201cJesus said to him, \u2018I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life.\u00a0 No one comes to the Father except through Me.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus Christ is the person at the center of Christianity.\u00a0 He is the One who makes it possible for us to have a relationship with God.\u00a0 He will meet you at your point of despair.\u00a0 There is nothing you are facing, nothing you are going through, that is bigger than the God Who loves you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy encouragement to that listener is to cry out to God in prayer\u2014a simple prayer.\u00a0 \u201cLord, be merciful to me, a sinner.\u00a0 I want to know Jesus Christ as my Lord, Master, and Savior.\u201d\u00a0 If you do that, I have it on the authority of this book, the Bible, that He will meet you there; and He will save you from your disappointments, your sin\u2014how you have offended God\u2014and bring you into a right relationship with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There are probably some things you need to do\u2014some next steps you need to take, as Kristen has talked about here today, so that you don\u2019t find yourself spiritually stagnant.\u00a0 Many of those steps are outlined in a book we would like to send you at no cost\u2014a book called <em>Pursuing God<\/em>.\u00a0 This is a book we send out to those who are considering what it means to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether you have been in church throughout your life or not, if the spiritual lights are just starting to come on in your life, call us at 1-800-FLTODAY and let us send you a copy of the book <em>Pursuing God<\/em> by Jim Elliff.\u00a0 It is our gift to you; and it is our hope that God will use this book in a powerful way to bring you into a relationship with Jesus and to help you walk in that relationship as His child, as you put your trust in Him.\u00a0 You can request a copy of the book by calling 1-800-FLTODAY; that is 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also encourage you to go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can get information there about Kristen Anderson\u2019s book <em>Life in Spite of Me<\/em>\u2014<em>extraordinary hope after a fatal choice<\/em>.\u00a0 There are also other books we have listed on the website that talk about the issue of depression and suicide.\u00a0 Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the resources we have available.\u00a0 You can order online if you would like; or again, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request the resources you have heard us talk about today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention that today and tomorrow are the last two days you have an opportunity to sign up and join us on the FamilyLife <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>cruise which we are going to be taking in February of 2011, actually Valentine\u2019s week, February 14-18.\u00a0 Dennis and Barbara Rainey are going to be on the cruise, along with Crawford and Karen Loritts, Kirk Cameron is going to be there, Shaunti Feldhahn is going to be there.\u00a0 We are going to have music from <em>Selah<\/em> and <em>Point of Grace<\/em> and <em>Big Daddy Weave<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is going to be a great week for couples.\u00a0 The FamilyLife <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise.\u00a0 The ship is almost full.\u00a0 We have a limited number of cabins still available.\u00a0 If you sign up by tomorrow, you can save 50 percent on your stateroom.\u00a0 It is a buy one; get one free arrangement for the cruise.\u00a0 All you have to do to take advantage of the special for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners is type my name\u2014type \u201cBOB\u201d\u2014in the promo code box on the online registration form.\u00a0 We hope you will get more information by going on FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Click on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise link, and we hope you will sign up and join us.\u00a0 We look forward to seeing you as we set sail next February on Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also encourage you to be back here tomorrow.\u00a0 Kristen Anderson is going to join us again, and we are going to talk more about her life following her attempted suicide and about the hope that she has found.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock Arkansas \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a9 2010 FamilyLife\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t__________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302109","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302109"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302109"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302109"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302109"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302109"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302109"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302109"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}