{"id":302108,"date":"2010-09-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-08T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/on-the-edge-of-hopelessness\/"},"modified":"2010-09-08T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-08T15:00:00","slug":"on-the-edge-of-hopelessness","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/on-the-edge-of-hopelessness\/","title":{"rendered":"On the Edge of Hopelessness"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On the outside she looked like a typical teen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-08.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.65M","filesize_raw":"27947364","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873],"tags":[4932,2216],"podcast_series":[7753],"cwp_profile":[9211],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302108","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-difficulty","tag-suffering","podcast_series-life-in-spite-of-me","cwp_profile-kristen-jane-anderson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302108\/on-the-edge-of-hopelessness","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302108\/on-the-edge-of-hopelessness","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"fZGrIhrvUw\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/on-the-edge-of-hopelessness\/\">On the Edge of Hopelessness<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/on-the-edge-of-hopelessness\/embed\/#?secret=fZGrIhrvUw\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;On the Edge of Hopelessness&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"fZGrIhrvUw\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-08.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-08.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Kristen Jane Anderson was 17 years old and was ready for life\u2026to be over.\u00a0 When she heard a \u2018Freight Train\u2019 approaching at the park where she was sitting; she decided to lay her body across the tracts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen<\/strong>:\u00a0 When the train stopped I wasn\u2019t sure if I was alive or dead.\u00a0 I remember just opening my eyes and unclenching my fists and starting to look around because I didn\u2019t know what to think.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what it was like to die!\u00a0 Obviously I just had no idea what to think. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When I was looking around, I looked behind me; to my right\u2026and I saw my legs about 10 feet behind me on my right.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 8<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 Kristen Jane Anderson joins with us today to share a remarkable story of survival and of faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamiyLife Today<\/em>!\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We are going to hear a remarkable story today.\u00a0 A story of where there is hope!\u00a0\u00a0 Actually to start things off, I want to read a Bible verse.\u00a0 This is one of my favorite Bible verses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would feel better if you had a real Bible opened; I mean, instead of reading it off your iphone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I love carrying this around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do!\u00a0 You really do!\u00a0 You get a grin on your face when you scroll down to the passage\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is a little awkward when I am up front in my church reading from my iphone, but it is\u2026.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do it there too? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah!\u00a0 This is the way I read my Bible now.\u00a0 And I love it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Okay! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 1 Peter 2:9 says, \u201cYou are a chosen race a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession \u2026. \u2018(And this is the part that I love)\u2019 \u2026\u2026.that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the story we are going to hear about this week is one of those out of darkness into marvelous light stories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you are right, Bob, and I think that our listeners; regardless if they are dealing with something troubling or challenging in their lives right now or rather if things are going well, they need to hear this story.\u00a0 It is the story of a young lady who joins us on <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em><strong><em>,<\/em><\/strong> Kristen Jane Anderson, joins us today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Kristen, welcome to the broadcast!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you for having me on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Kristen is a graduate of Moody, almost; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Almost a graduate of Moody Bible Institute!\u00a0 She is a popular speaker to college students and women\u2019s events all around the country.\u00a0 She has been featured on Oprah, which we had some fun talking about before we came on the air here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She was comparing you and Oprah \u2026wasn\u2019t she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 She was!\u00a0 She was! She was\u2026. And you actually asked her, \u201cwhich was a bigger treat, to be on our broadcast \u2026\u2026 or her (Oprah) TV program?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And let\u2019s move on shall we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She has written a book called, <em>Life In Spite of Me<\/em>.\u00a0 I am just going to cut right to the chase here.\u00a0\u00a0 Kristen, I am going to ask you to take us to January 2.\u00a0 You were in a park and it was dark and it was icy cold there and it was the most dramatic day of your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I was at the park and I was there because I didn\u2019t feel like I could go home.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to go home.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to get in trouble and I thought I was going to disappoint my parents again.\u00a0 I was at the park just kind of trying to waste time and to figure out what I was going to do next and I was swinging on the swings and as I was there I started to think about why I was there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy did I feel like I couldn\u2019t go home?\u00a0 Why did I feel the way that I did inside?\u00a0 I was struggling and then I remembered that in the park that I was in that you were supposed to be out of the park after the sun goes down.\u00a0 I knew that the police come and patrol the park and if you\u2019re in the park after dark they make you leave.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason I was there is that I didn\u2019t want to go home, so I looked around to see where else I could go and I saw that there had been a set of train cars parked on the edge of the park.\u00a0 I knew that they had been there for about 3 weeks.\u00a0 I walked over to the train cars and I sat on one of them.\u00a0 Then I started to think about a thought process that I had had about 3 months beforehand.\u00a0 It was after one of my friends had taken his life.\u00a0 He had taken his life by hanging himself in the cemetery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were 17 years of age?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right!\u00a0 I had no idea how to handle it and I didn\u2019t understand it.\u00a0 I remember thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know how he could ever do that.\u00a0 How could he ever take his life?\u201d\u00a0 And then I thought, \u201cI don\u2019t know how he could do it the way that he did it, especially that way.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then my thought process changed and I started to think, \u201cWell if I was ever going to do it, how would I do it?\u201d\u00a0 I went through a lot of different things in my mind that I had heard about in school or on TV; different ways people try to end their lives and none of them seemed like they would work or be good enough, until I heard the train go by my parent\u2019s house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I heard the whistle blow and I felt the house just kind of shake.\u00a0 I could feel the power of the train and I thought, \u201cThat is one way that I would never live through it.\u201d\u00a0 It just kind of snapped in my mind and I never thought about it again until sitting on the train that day.\u00a0 And that is when I started to consider suicide, by train, as the answer to my pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 So, at that point what did you do?\u00a0\u00a0 I mean, how long did you have in advance warning that the train was coming?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 I saw it coming; I probably had a minute before it got to me.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know how long it would be before the next train came and it was freezing out and I knew I couldn\u2019t stay outside much longer.\u00a0 So, right before it got to me, I made the impulsive decision to lay down on the tracks.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t something I had decided before it started coming.\u00a0 I made the decision right before it got to me to lay down on the tracks.\u00a0 I got off the train that I was on.\u00a0 I walked down the rocks that those tracks were on.\u00a0 I walked up the tracks that the other train was on.\u00a0\u00a0 And I laid down right before the train \u2026got to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you lay across the track? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 I lay between the tracks.\u00a0 My head and my body were between the tracks and my legs were hanging over.\u00a0 I closed my eyes.\u00a0 I clenched my fists and I turned my head in the opposite direction that the train was coming.\u00a0 I just tried to push down all the fear and the shame and I just laid there.\u00a0 I mean, it was only a fraction of a second \u2026 before it ran over me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you could see it coming and you just laid down on the tracks with it coming?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I have got the picture in my mind at this point\u2026 Here is a 17 year old girl who is hopeless.\u00a0 Who has really lost hope about her life and you are going to end it in, as you said, an impulsive decision; to lie down on the tracks in front of a train.\u00a0 Was the ground shaking as it \u2026?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I felt the ground shaking.\u00a0 I felt the tracks shaking.\u00a0 I felt the wind of the train and I heard it roaring over me.\u00a0 I felt it begin to suck me upward almost into itself which is really what should have happened, because 33 Freight Train cars went over me at 55 MPH.\u00a0 So, I should have been sucked up into the train and basically torn to pieces.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess that\u2019s what happens normally when a train is going that fast with the way that I was positioned.\u00a0 I felt my body begin to rise upward and I then I felt it begin to be pushed down into the ground; like there was this tremendous weight or force or wind beginning to push me down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know\u2026I have 4 daughters\u2026., I know that as a teenager, young ladies can; as Bob said earlier, can believe those voices.\u00a0 And that there is really a battle going on for the souls and for the lives of young people today.\u00a0 I have never, ever talked \u2026.to a young lady, however, who\u2026 acted on those and obviously, today is alive \u2026.to be able to tell the story of what took place.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is more to this story that we want to share, but I want to take our listeners back to the home you grew up in.\u00a0 Just talk about the spiritual condition of that home, what you learned about God, what you believed about God, and your relationship with your parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 How you got to where you got.\u00a0 I mean, was there any spiritual background in your home growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I grew up going to church.\u00a0 I remember going to youth group and things like that, but I didn\u2019t know the difference that God can make in my life.\u00a0 When things started to go wrong I had lost about 3 friends and my grandmother within a year \u00bd of time.\u00a0 I lost one friend in a motorcycle accident.\u00a0 I lost one in a car accident.\u00a0 I lost one to suicide and I lost my grandma just because of her age.\u00a0 Also, in that period of time I was being stalked by 2 young men and I was raped by another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh man! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I had no idea how to handle that.\u00a0 I had a really hard time believing it.\u00a0 I kind of tried to forget about most of it, I just didn\u2019t know how to handle any of it and I felt like everyone else was handling everything fine.\u00a0 My family, my friends, they just all seemed fine.\u00a0 I remember asking my mom one time, \u201cHow do you do it?\u201d\u00a0 I remember her telling me, \u201cYou just do it;\u201d because I didn\u2019t know how to handle it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 There was also something occurring in your family that you have not mentioned here that was adding to your despair; and that was what your dad was going through.\u00a0\u00a0 I mean from the time you were a little girl, your daddy was under a dark cloud of depression.\u00a0 Can you comment on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was in about 5<sup>th<\/sup> grade when I found out that my dad was diagnosed with depression.\u00a0 He was grateful when he found out because he knew something was wrong with him.\u00a0 He was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and depression, but I did not know what that meant.\u00a0 I remember thinking, \u201cWell you are not sad all the time, why are you depressed?\u201d\u00a0 I remember thinking, \u201cEven being sad a little bit, why he would be sad, because he had us \u2013 we had our family.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But I didn\u2019t understand the struggle that he was in.\u00a0 I remember in high school I would come home and he would be sleeping; I remember that he just wasn\u2019t there for me.\u00a0 I knew that he loved me and that he was present, but I didn\u2019t have much of a relationship with him.\u00a0 I had a very close relationship with my mom, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 And you know I am listening, Kristen, to the emotions that are coming back that are a decade old.\u00a0 This was a traumatic time in your life and having to deal with trying to sort through\u2026 suicides, deaths, rape, and even your father\u2019s inability to connect with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did your family know about the rape?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen<\/strong>:\u00a0 No! They didn\u2019t!\u00a0\u00a0 I didn\u2019t tell anyone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you are processing a lot of this just locked down inside yourself?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right!\u00a0 That is one of the things my mom mostly talks about; she wishes she would have known.\u00a0 They were trying to get me help.\u00a0 They knew something was wrong, but they didn\u2019t really know what had happened or what was bothering me so much.\u00a0 They asked me, but I wanted to be tough; I didn\u2019t want to have problems, so I didn\u2019t talk about my problems.\u00a0 I tried to be the person that helped everybody else \u2026.and I kept all my problems to myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were how old at the time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was 16!\u00a0 It was the summer of my 16<sup>th<\/sup> birthday.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And your response to that; I am sure you have found out now after sharing your story on college campuses,\u00a0 is not out of the ordinary.\u00a0 There is a lot of this occurring, and there is a lot of secrets being kept in the closet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 There are! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Because of shame and fear and what might happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But to stuff all of that inside a 16 year old soul and with all that you were going through, it is no surprise that it erupted.\u00a0 I mean, looking back on it now, and I mention the demonic influence and we can\u2019t discount that, but the life\u2019s circumstances and again, it all getting kind of compressed and pushed down.\u00a0 You can see where somebody gets to a point where they go, \u201cwhy stay?\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 It just ate away at me.\u00a0 I had held on to hope, but it was getting less and less and less.\u00a0\u00a0 And, that one moment was the moment that I had lost hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have a faith in Christ at that point to process all the evil that was occurring to you and around you and to your friends.\u00a0 So, there was no ability to interpret and to make sense and to have understanding at that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right!\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t even trying to do it myself because I couldn\u2019t make any sense of it.\u00a0 If I would have had a relationship with God, I know that I would have went to Him for understanding.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even know that He offered understanding or comfort or wisdom or strength in difficult times.\u00a0 So, I just tried to stuff it down and to handle it all myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And to the parent, right now, who is listening and they are saying, \u201cMan, I wonder if this is taking place in my daughter or possibly my son?\u201d\u00a0 What would you say to a mom, a dad; who has maybe sensing something is up, something has happened, but can\u2019t break through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen<\/strong>:\u00a0 I would tell them to talk to their son and daughter and actually specifically if they have had suicidal thoughts.\u00a0 Ask them on a scale of 1 \u2013 10, how much hope they have.\u00a0 Ask very specific questions because when you ask kids how they are doing, they are usually going to tell you they are fine.\u00a0 Or they are going to tell you on a surface level, but if you ask the tough questions they will tell you how they are really doing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that it is really important that parents listen and they don\u2019t judge them and they don\u2019t react in an extreme way.\u00a0 They need to be very, very understanding.\u00a0 I know that most of the adults and youths that talk to me; talk to me because they know that I understand.\u00a0 I think kids need their parents to understand, they need their grace and they need them to pray with them and model a relationship with Christ for them.\u00a0 Help them know how they can go to God for strength and for comfort and for understanding in difficult times.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Kristen, as you were laid out across those railroad tracks, your legs dangling out off the tracks, train is coming; did you remain conscious through the entire point of impact?\u00a0 You said it was 33 cars at 55 mile per hour; there must have been a couple of minutes that the train \u2026..\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I was conscious the whole time.\u00a0 I remember it all completely!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Were you thinking, \u201cWell, I must be about to die soon?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0\u00a0 I was waiting to die.\u00a0 I thought it \u2013 \u201cAny minute now\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Actually when the train stopped I wasn\u2019t sure if I were alive or dead.\u00a0\u00a0 I remember just opening my eyes and unclenching my fists and starting to look around because I didn\u2019t know what to think.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what it was like to die!\u00a0\u00a0 Obviously I just had no idea what to think.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was looking around, I looked behind me; to my right and I saw my legs about 10 feet behind me on my right.\u00a0\u00a0 I knew they were my legs because they have these brand new bright white tennis shoes on them that I had just gotten for Christmas.\u00a0 But, it just seemed like it wasn\u2019t real, this couldn\u2019t be happening, this had to be a horrible nightmare \u2013 and this couldn\u2019t be happening.\u00a0\u00a0 I kind of tried to gather myself and I crawled out from underneath the train.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked down at my legs to see if they were actually gone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn that moment this tremendous peace just came over me and I started hearing this song, \u201cAmazing Grace,\u201d playing over and over in my head and I just thought, \u201cI must be dying!\u00a0 I must be going to heaven!\u00a0 That could only be music from heaven!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I feel like God was doing is just meeting me in that moment and showing me, \u201cKristen, you don\u2019t need your mom, you just need Me!\u00a0 You don\u2019t need your mom, you just need ME!\u00a0 I am the only ONE who can help you in this circumstance!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I remember just resting in that peace though.\u00a0 I think I might have started to lose consciousness because the next thing I remember is feeling a Firefighter take my hair off of my face and pull it behind my ear.\u00a0 I had not heard him come up to me, but when he did that I opened my eyes and looked\u00a0 up at him and he kind of stumbled back because he\u2026. wasn\u2019t expecting me to be alive.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember just feeling anger and fear rise up in me because I didn\u2019t want anyone to see me like this.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want anyone to help me or save me.\u00a0 I was embarrassed too!\u00a0 I just didn\u2019t know what to think or feel or do, but he radioed to all the other medical personnel of my location, my status, and they tried to call \u2026Flight-For-Life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they couldn\u2019t bring in Flight-For-Life\u2026 because the weather was too bad, so they did something that they had never done since; that wasn\u2019t protocol that they had never done before.\u00a0 They blocked all of the intersections and roads from where I was to the closest hospital that could take me.\u00a0 That was normally a 45 minute drive, but the police report says they got me there in 8 minutes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHmmmm\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I think, I can only attribute that kind of speed to God!\u00a0 I definitely see Him in those details!\u00a0\u00a0 When I got to the hospital, the doctors and nurses were kind of in shock because I had lost 8 pints of blood; and scientifically you are supposed to die after you lose 5.\u00a0 Not only was I alive, I was talking.\u00a0 I knew my mom and dad\u2019s phone number and my sister\u2019s phone number; things like that and they were writing them down so they could tell them what had happened to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember looking up to the man in the white coat next to me who I assumed to be the doctor and asking him if he thought I would l live.\u00a0 I remember him telling me, \u201che didn\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 He says that he said that because he knew that I needed to fight\u2026 I could die\u2026 but that to live I needed to fight \u2026because I shouldn\u2019t have been alive and \u2026..Nobody knew how much time I had left.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you still thinking at that time, \u201cWell, I guess I will die soon?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was hoping that I would die in surgery.\u00a0 Or something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am listening to your story here and I am seeing you smile; I am also seeing you cry.\u00a0 And it is because in the midst of this trauma you found \u2026the God of the universe and you found\u2026 redemption and you found that personal relationship with Christ and instead of hearing a song about, \u201cAmazing Grace,\u201d you now sing it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah!\u00a0 And you have found the ONE who did bring hope!\u00a0 We want to share more of that story later with our listeners.\u00a0 I am just wondering, Bob, if there is a person now, who doesn\u2019t know Christ and where they are.\u00a0 I would just encourage them to give us a call and let us put some literature in your hands so that you can come into a personal relationship with Christ.\u00a0 There just may be somebody listening right now who may be on the precipice of what you were doing and I don\u2019t want them to have to go through the trauma that you went through to find Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The reality is that there are circumstances that come in life that lead us to despair.\u00a0 I think Dennis, about the book of \u201cPsalms\u201d and the times that David the psalmist found himself in those moments where he cried out with the kind of desperate anguish that you described, Kristen.\u00a0 The kind of hopelessness that he felt and that you felt.\u00a0 And yet, the message of the gospel is a message of hope in the midst of despair; that the circumstances of this life are not the defining reality that shapes our existence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to encourage listeners if you are at a point of hopelessness and despair and you don\u2019t have settled in your own heart the reality that there is God who loves you, who is in control of life, and who knows what He is doing; and who walks with you through the valley and brings you out on the other side.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you don\u2019t know that God; if you don\u2019t have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I want to encourage you to call us at 1800-FLTODAY and ask for a copy of the book, <em>Pursuing God<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 It is a book that we will send you, at no cost and that will introduce you to what it means to have a vital relationship with Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, call 1-800-FLTODAY and ask for a copy of the book, <em>Pursuing God<\/em>, and we will send it to you at no cost and we pray that God will use this book to bring hope and help in the midst of whatever circumstances you find yourself in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then let me encourage you to go online at FamilyLifeToday.com; to find out more about Kristen\u2019s book, <em>Life in Spite of Me<\/em>.\u00a0 It is her story and it is an extraordinary story of hope after of what she intended as a fatal choice!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; for more information about Kristen\u2019s book.\u00a0 There is also information about other resources that we have on depression and on suicide.\u00a0 You will find it on FamilyLifeToday.com; or if it is easier to call us toll-free, 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Do that, call 1800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 And we can make arrangements to have the resources you need sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me just mention to you that we have heard from many of our listeners\u00a0 over the last week who have gotten in touch with us to get more information about our\u00a0 Valentine\u2019s week Love Like You Mean It\u00a0 cruise that we are going to be taking February 14-18, 2011.\u00a0 Dennis and Barbara, Crawford and Karen Loritts are going to be on the cruise with us; along with Kirk Cameron and Shaunti Feldhahn, Big Daddy Weave, Selah, Point of Grace.\u00a0 It is going to be a great week-long cruise for couples.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Last week and again this week we have been letting <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners\u00a0 know that you can sign up for the cruise ; and we have got a limited\u00a0 number of cabins still available, but you can sign up basically for half-price.\u00a0 It is Buy-One-Get-One free.\u00a0 Your stateroom is half-price when you sign up this week.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to take advantage of this special offer for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, when you sign up you have to type, my name, \u201cBOB\u201d\u2026in the promo-code box on the online registration form.\u00a0 Get more information when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link to the LoveLike You Mean It cruise and then\u00a0 make plans to join us Valentine\u2019s week, February 14-18, 2011 for the FamilyLife \u2013 Love Like You Mean It cruise; again more information online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, be sure to join us back tomorrow.\u00a0 Kristen Anderson is going to be here again, and we are going to hear about the hope that followed the despair in her life.\u00a0 I hope you can be here with us for that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a9Copyright 2010\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t__________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.65M"],"filesize_raw":["27947364"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302108.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302108.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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the outside she looked like a typical teen.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-09-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Kristen Jane Anderson was 17 years old and was ready for life\u2026to be over.\u00a0 When she heard a \u2018Freight Train\u2019 approaching at the park where she was sitting; she decided to lay her body across the tracts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen<\/strong>:\u00a0 When the train stopped I wasn\u2019t sure if I was alive or dead.\u00a0 I remember just opening my eyes and unclenching my fists and starting to look around because I didn\u2019t know what to think.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what it was like to die!\u00a0 Obviously I just had no idea what to think. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When I was looking around, I looked behind me; to my right\u2026and I saw my legs about 10 feet behind me on my right.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 8<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0\u00a0 Kristen Jane Anderson joins with us today to share a remarkable story of survival and of faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamiyLife Today<\/em>!\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. We are going to hear a remarkable story today.\u00a0 A story of where there is hope!\u00a0\u00a0 Actually to start things off, I want to read a Bible verse.\u00a0 This is one of my favorite Bible verses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would feel better if you had a real Bible opened; I mean, instead of reading it off your iphone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I love carrying this around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do!\u00a0 You really do!\u00a0 You get a grin on your face when you scroll down to the passage\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is a little awkward when I am up front in my church reading from my iphone, but it is\u2026.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You do it there too? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah!\u00a0 This is the way I read my Bible now.\u00a0 And I love it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Okay! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 1 Peter 2:9 says, \u201cYou are a chosen race a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession \u2026. \u2018(And this is the part that I love)\u2019 \u2026\u2026.that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the story we are going to hear about this week is one of those out of darkness into marvelous light stories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you are right, Bob, and I think that our listeners; regardless if they are dealing with something troubling or challenging in their lives right now or rather if things are going well, they need to hear this story.\u00a0 It is the story of a young lady who joins us on <em>FamilyLife<\/em> <em>Today<\/em><strong><em>,<\/em><\/strong> Kristen Jane Anderson, joins us today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Kristen, welcome to the broadcast!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you for having me on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Kristen is a graduate of Moody, almost; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Almost a graduate of Moody Bible Institute!\u00a0 She is a popular speaker to college students and women\u2019s events all around the country.\u00a0 She has been featured on Oprah, which we had some fun talking about before we came on the air here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She was comparing you and Oprah \u2026wasn\u2019t she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 She was!\u00a0 She was! She was\u2026. And you actually asked her, \u201cwhich was a bigger treat, to be on our broadcast \u2026\u2026 or her (Oprah) TV program?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And let\u2019s move on shall we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She has written a book called, <em>Life In Spite of Me<\/em>.\u00a0 I am just going to cut right to the chase here.\u00a0\u00a0 Kristen, I am going to ask you to take us to January 2.\u00a0 You were in a park and it was dark and it was icy cold there and it was the most dramatic day of your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I was at the park and I was there because I didn\u2019t feel like I could go home.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to go home.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to get in trouble and I thought I was going to disappoint my parents again.\u00a0 I was at the park just kind of trying to waste time and to figure out what I was going to do next and I was swinging on the swings and as I was there I started to think about why I was there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy did I feel like I couldn\u2019t go home?\u00a0 Why did I feel the way that I did inside?\u00a0 I was struggling and then I remembered that in the park that I was in that you were supposed to be out of the park after the sun goes down.\u00a0 I knew that the police come and patrol the park and if you\u2019re in the park after dark they make you leave.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason I was there is that I didn\u2019t want to go home, so I looked around to see where else I could go and I saw that there had been a set of train cars parked on the edge of the park.\u00a0 I knew that they had been there for about 3 weeks.\u00a0 I walked over to the train cars and I sat on one of them.\u00a0 Then I started to think about a thought process that I had had about 3 months beforehand.\u00a0 It was after one of my friends had taken his life.\u00a0 He had taken his life by hanging himself in the cemetery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were 17 years of age?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right!\u00a0 I had no idea how to handle it and I didn\u2019t understand it.\u00a0 I remember thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know how he could ever do that.\u00a0 How could he ever take his life?\u201d\u00a0 And then I thought, \u201cI don\u2019t know how he could do it the way that he did it, especially that way.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then my thought process changed and I started to think, \u201cWell if I was ever going to do it, how would I do it?\u201d\u00a0 I went through a lot of different things in my mind that I had heard about in school or on TV; different ways people try to end their lives and none of them seemed like they would work or be good enough, until I heard the train go by my parent\u2019s house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I heard the whistle blow and I felt the house just kind of shake.\u00a0 I could feel the power of the train and I thought, \u201cThat is one way that I would never live through it.\u201d\u00a0 It just kind of snapped in my mind and I never thought about it again until sitting on the train that day.\u00a0 And that is when I started to consider suicide, by train, as the answer to my pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 So, at that point what did you do?\u00a0\u00a0 I mean, how long did you have in advance warning that the train was coming?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 I saw it coming; I probably had a minute before it got to me.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know how long it would be before the next train came and it was freezing out and I knew I couldn\u2019t stay outside much longer.\u00a0 So, right before it got to me, I made the impulsive decision to lay down on the tracks.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t something I had decided before it started coming.\u00a0 I made the decision right before it got to me to lay down on the tracks.\u00a0 I got off the train that I was on.\u00a0 I walked down the rocks that those tracks were on.\u00a0 I walked up the tracks that the other train was on.\u00a0\u00a0 And I laid down right before the train \u2026got to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you lay across the track? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 I lay between the tracks.\u00a0 My head and my body were between the tracks and my legs were hanging over.\u00a0 I closed my eyes.\u00a0 I clenched my fists and I turned my head in the opposite direction that the train was coming.\u00a0 I just tried to push down all the fear and the shame and I just laid there.\u00a0 I mean, it was only a fraction of a second \u2026 before it ran over me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you could see it coming and you just laid down on the tracks with it coming?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I have got the picture in my mind at this point\u2026 Here is a 17 year old girl who is hopeless.\u00a0 Who has really lost hope about her life and you are going to end it in, as you said, an impulsive decision; to lie down on the tracks in front of a train.\u00a0 Was the ground shaking as it \u2026?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I felt the ground shaking.\u00a0 I felt the tracks shaking.\u00a0 I felt the wind of the train and I heard it roaring over me.\u00a0 I felt it begin to suck me upward almost into itself which is really what should have happened, because 33 Freight Train cars went over me at 55 MPH.\u00a0 So, I should have been sucked up into the train and basically torn to pieces.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI guess that\u2019s what happens normally when a train is going that fast with the way that I was positioned.\u00a0 I felt my body begin to rise upward and I then I felt it begin to be pushed down into the ground; like there was this tremendous weight or force or wind beginning to push me down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know\u2026I have 4 daughters\u2026., I know that as a teenager, young ladies can; as Bob said earlier, can believe those voices.\u00a0 And that there is really a battle going on for the souls and for the lives of young people today.\u00a0 I have never, ever talked \u2026.to a young lady, however, who\u2026 acted on those and obviously, today is alive \u2026.to be able to tell the story of what took place.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is more to this story that we want to share, but I want to take our listeners back to the home you grew up in.\u00a0 Just talk about the spiritual condition of that home, what you learned about God, what you believed about God, and your relationship with your parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 How you got to where you got.\u00a0 I mean, was there any spiritual background in your home growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I grew up going to church.\u00a0 I remember going to youth group and things like that, but I didn\u2019t know the difference that God can make in my life.\u00a0 When things started to go wrong I had lost about 3 friends and my grandmother within a year \u00bd of time.\u00a0 I lost one friend in a motorcycle accident.\u00a0 I lost one in a car accident.\u00a0 I lost one to suicide and I lost my grandma just because of her age.\u00a0 Also, in that period of time I was being stalked by 2 young men and I was raped by another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh man! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I had no idea how to handle that.\u00a0 I had a really hard time believing it.\u00a0 I kind of tried to forget about most of it, I just didn\u2019t know how to handle any of it and I felt like everyone else was handling everything fine.\u00a0 My family, my friends, they just all seemed fine.\u00a0 I remember asking my mom one time, \u201cHow do you do it?\u201d\u00a0 I remember her telling me, \u201cYou just do it;\u201d because I didn\u2019t know how to handle it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 There was also something occurring in your family that you have not mentioned here that was adding to your despair; and that was what your dad was going through.\u00a0\u00a0 I mean from the time you were a little girl, your daddy was under a dark cloud of depression.\u00a0 Can you comment on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was in about 5<sup>th<\/sup> grade when I found out that my dad was diagnosed with depression.\u00a0 He was grateful when he found out because he knew something was wrong with him.\u00a0 He was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and depression, but I did not know what that meant.\u00a0 I remember thinking, \u201cWell you are not sad all the time, why are you depressed?\u201d\u00a0 I remember thinking, \u201cEven being sad a little bit, why he would be sad, because he had us \u2013 we had our family.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But I didn\u2019t understand the struggle that he was in.\u00a0 I remember in high school I would come home and he would be sleeping; I remember that he just wasn\u2019t there for me.\u00a0 I knew that he loved me and that he was present, but I didn\u2019t have much of a relationship with him.\u00a0 I had a very close relationship with my mom, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 And you know I am listening, Kristen, to the emotions that are coming back that are a decade old.\u00a0 This was a traumatic time in your life and having to deal with trying to sort through\u2026 suicides, deaths, rape, and even your father\u2019s inability to connect with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did your family know about the rape?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen<\/strong>:\u00a0 No! They didn\u2019t!\u00a0\u00a0 I didn\u2019t tell anyone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you are processing a lot of this just locked down inside yourself?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right!\u00a0 That is one of the things my mom mostly talks about; she wishes she would have known.\u00a0 They were trying to get me help.\u00a0 They knew something was wrong, but they didn\u2019t really know what had happened or what was bothering me so much.\u00a0 They asked me, but I wanted to be tough; I didn\u2019t want to have problems, so I didn\u2019t talk about my problems.\u00a0 I tried to be the person that helped everybody else \u2026.and I kept all my problems to myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were how old at the time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was 16!\u00a0 It was the summer of my 16<sup>th<\/sup> birthday.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And your response to that; I am sure you have found out now after sharing your story on college campuses,\u00a0 is not out of the ordinary.\u00a0 There is a lot of this occurring, and there is a lot of secrets being kept in the closet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 There are! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Because of shame and fear and what might happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But to stuff all of that inside a 16 year old soul and with all that you were going through, it is no surprise that it erupted.\u00a0 I mean, looking back on it now, and I mention the demonic influence and we can\u2019t discount that, but the life\u2019s circumstances and again, it all getting kind of compressed and pushed down.\u00a0 You can see where somebody gets to a point where they go, \u201cwhy stay?\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 It just ate away at me.\u00a0 I had held on to hope, but it was getting less and less and less.\u00a0\u00a0 And, that one moment was the moment that I had lost hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have a faith in Christ at that point to process all the evil that was occurring to you and around you and to your friends.\u00a0 So, there was no ability to interpret and to make sense and to have understanding at that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right!\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t even trying to do it myself because I couldn\u2019t make any sense of it.\u00a0 If I would have had a relationship with God, I know that I would have went to Him for understanding.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even know that He offered understanding or comfort or wisdom or strength in difficult times.\u00a0 So, I just tried to stuff it down and to handle it all myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And to the parent, right now, who is listening and they are saying, \u201cMan, I wonder if this is taking place in my daughter or possibly my son?\u201d\u00a0 What would you say to a mom, a dad; who has maybe sensing something is up, something has happened, but can\u2019t break through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen<\/strong>:\u00a0 I would tell them to talk to their son and daughter and actually specifically if they have had suicidal thoughts.\u00a0 Ask them on a scale of 1 \u2013 10, how much hope they have.\u00a0 Ask very specific questions because when you ask kids how they are doing, they are usually going to tell you they are fine.\u00a0 Or they are going to tell you on a surface level, but if you ask the tough questions they will tell you how they are really doing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that it is really important that parents listen and they don\u2019t judge them and they don\u2019t react in an extreme way.\u00a0 They need to be very, very understanding.\u00a0 I know that most of the adults and youths that talk to me; talk to me because they know that I understand.\u00a0 I think kids need their parents to understand, they need their grace and they need them to pray with them and model a relationship with Christ for them.\u00a0 Help them know how they can go to God for strength and for comfort and for understanding in difficult times.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Kristen, as you were laid out across those railroad tracks, your legs dangling out off the tracks, train is coming; did you remain conscious through the entire point of impact?\u00a0 You said it was 33 cars at 55 mile per hour; there must have been a couple of minutes that the train \u2026..\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I was conscious the whole time.\u00a0 I remember it all completely!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Were you thinking, \u201cWell, I must be about to die soon?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0\u00a0 I was waiting to die.\u00a0 I thought it \u2013 \u201cAny minute now\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Actually when the train stopped I wasn\u2019t sure if I were alive or dead.\u00a0\u00a0 I remember just opening my eyes and unclenching my fists and starting to look around because I didn\u2019t know what to think.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what it was like to die!\u00a0\u00a0 Obviously I just had no idea what to think.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was looking around, I looked behind me; to my right and I saw my legs about 10 feet behind me on my right.\u00a0\u00a0 I knew they were my legs because they have these brand new bright white tennis shoes on them that I had just gotten for Christmas.\u00a0 But, it just seemed like it wasn\u2019t real, this couldn\u2019t be happening, this had to be a horrible nightmare \u2013 and this couldn\u2019t be happening.\u00a0\u00a0 I kind of tried to gather myself and I crawled out from underneath the train.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked down at my legs to see if they were actually gone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn that moment this tremendous peace just came over me and I started hearing this song, \u201cAmazing Grace,\u201d playing over and over in my head and I just thought, \u201cI must be dying!\u00a0 I must be going to heaven!\u00a0 That could only be music from heaven!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I feel like God was doing is just meeting me in that moment and showing me, \u201cKristen, you don\u2019t need your mom, you just need Me!\u00a0 You don\u2019t need your mom, you just need ME!\u00a0 I am the only ONE who can help you in this circumstance!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I remember just resting in that peace though.\u00a0 I think I might have started to lose consciousness because the next thing I remember is feeling a Firefighter take my hair off of my face and pull it behind my ear.\u00a0 I had not heard him come up to me, but when he did that I opened my eyes and looked\u00a0 up at him and he kind of stumbled back because he\u2026. wasn\u2019t expecting me to be alive.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember just feeling anger and fear rise up in me because I didn\u2019t want anyone to see me like this.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want anyone to help me or save me.\u00a0 I was embarrassed too!\u00a0 I just didn\u2019t know what to think or feel or do, but he radioed to all the other medical personnel of my location, my status, and they tried to call \u2026Flight-For-Life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they couldn\u2019t bring in Flight-For-Life\u2026 because the weather was too bad, so they did something that they had never done since; that wasn\u2019t protocol that they had never done before.\u00a0 They blocked all of the intersections and roads from where I was to the closest hospital that could take me.\u00a0 That was normally a 45 minute drive, but the police report says they got me there in 8 minutes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cHmmmm\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, I think, I can only attribute that kind of speed to God!\u00a0 I definitely see Him in those details!\u00a0\u00a0 When I got to the hospital, the doctors and nurses were kind of in shock because I had lost 8 pints of blood; and scientifically you are supposed to die after you lose 5.\u00a0 Not only was I alive, I was talking.\u00a0 I knew my mom and dad\u2019s phone number and my sister\u2019s phone number; things like that and they were writing them down so they could tell them what had happened to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember looking up to the man in the white coat next to me who I assumed to be the doctor and asking him if he thought I would l live.\u00a0 I remember him telling me, \u201che didn\u2019t know.\u201d\u00a0 He says that he said that because he knew that I needed to fight\u2026 I could die\u2026 but that to live I needed to fight \u2026because I shouldn\u2019t have been alive and \u2026..Nobody knew how much time I had left.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you still thinking at that time, \u201cWell, I guess I will die soon?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was hoping that I would die in surgery.\u00a0 Or something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am listening to your story here and I am seeing you smile; I am also seeing you cry.\u00a0 And it is because in the midst of this trauma you found \u2026the God of the universe and you found\u2026 redemption and you found that personal relationship with Christ and instead of hearing a song about, \u201cAmazing Grace,\u201d you now sing it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kristen:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah!\u00a0 And you have found the ONE who did bring hope!\u00a0 We want to share more of that story later with our listeners.\u00a0 I am just wondering, Bob, if there is a person now, who doesn\u2019t know Christ and where they are.\u00a0 I would just encourage them to give us a call and let us put some literature in your hands so that you can come into a personal relationship with Christ.\u00a0 There just may be somebody listening right now who may be on the precipice of what you were doing and I don\u2019t want them to have to go through the trauma that you went through to find Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The reality is that there are circumstances that come in life that lead us to despair.\u00a0 I think Dennis, about the book of \u201cPsalms\u201d and the times that David the psalmist found himself in those moments where he cried out with the kind of desperate anguish that you described, Kristen.\u00a0 The kind of hopelessness that he felt and that you felt.\u00a0 And yet, the message of the gospel is a message of hope in the midst of despair; that the circumstances of this life are not the defining reality that shapes our existence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to encourage listeners if you are at a point of hopelessness and despair and you don\u2019t have settled in your own heart the reality that there is God who loves you, who is in control of life, and who knows what He is doing; and who walks with you through the valley and brings you out on the other side.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you don\u2019t know that God; if you don\u2019t have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I want to encourage you to call us at 1800-FLTODAY and ask for a copy of the book, <em>Pursuing God<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0 It is a book that we will send you, at no cost and that will introduce you to what it means to have a vital relationship with Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, call 1-800-FLTODAY and ask for a copy of the book, <em>Pursuing God<\/em>, and we will send it to you at no cost and we pray that God will use this book to bring hope and help in the midst of whatever circumstances you find yourself in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then let me encourage you to go online at FamilyLifeToday.com; to find out more about Kristen\u2019s book, <em>Life in Spite of Me<\/em>.\u00a0 It is her story and it is an extraordinary story of hope after of what she intended as a fatal choice!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; for more information about Kristen\u2019s book.\u00a0 There is also information about other resources that we have on depression and on suicide.\u00a0 You will find it on FamilyLifeToday.com; or if it is easier to call us toll-free, 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Do that, call 1800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 And we can make arrangements to have the resources you need sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me just mention to you that we have heard from many of our listeners\u00a0 over the last week who have gotten in touch with us to get more information about our\u00a0 Valentine\u2019s week Love Like You Mean It\u00a0 cruise that we are going to be taking February 14-18, 2011.\u00a0 Dennis and Barbara, Crawford and Karen Loritts are going to be on the cruise with us; along with Kirk Cameron and Shaunti Feldhahn, Big Daddy Weave, Selah, Point of Grace.\u00a0 It is going to be a great week-long cruise for couples.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Last week and again this week we have been letting <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners\u00a0 know that you can sign up for the cruise ; and we have got a limited\u00a0 number of cabins still available, but you can sign up basically for half-price.\u00a0 It is Buy-One-Get-One free.\u00a0 Your stateroom is half-price when you sign up this week.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to take advantage of this special offer for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, when you sign up you have to type, my name, \u201cBOB\u201d\u2026in the promo-code box on the online registration form.\u00a0 Get more information when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link to the LoveLike You Mean It cruise and then\u00a0 make plans to join us Valentine\u2019s week, February 14-18, 2011 for the FamilyLife \u2013 Love Like You Mean It cruise; again more information online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, be sure to join us back tomorrow.\u00a0 Kristen Anderson is going to be here again, and we are going to hear about the hope that followed the despair in her life.\u00a0 I hope you can be here with us for that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a9Copyright 2010\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t__________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302108","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302108"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302108"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302108"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302108"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302108"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302108"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302108"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}