{"id":302095,"date":"2010-08-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-08-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/growing-affair-proof-hedges\/"},"modified":"2010-08-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-08-20T15:00:00","slug":"growing-affair-proof-hedges","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/growing-affair-proof-hedges\/","title":{"rendered":"Growing Affair-Proof Hedges"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you want to know if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, just ask someone who&#8217;s been there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-08-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.92M","filesize_raw":"28225422","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903],"tags":[4927,4993,4086,4926,4874,2877],"podcast_series":[7439],"cwp_profile":[8997],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302095","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","tag-challenges","tag-cheating","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-infidelity","tag-marriage","podcast_series-avoiding-the-greener-grass-syndrome","cwp_profile-nancy-and-ron-anderson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302095\/growing-affair-proof-hedges","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302095\/growing-affair-proof-hedges","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"bvKPd3zVEh\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/growing-affair-proof-hedges\/\">Growing Affair-Proof Hedges<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/growing-affair-proof-hedges\/embed\/#?secret=bvKPd3zVEh\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Growing Affair-Proof Hedges&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"bvKPd3zVEh\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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there.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-08-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you ever faced down the temptation to be unfaithful in your marriage?\u00a0 Are you dealing with it right now?\u00a0 Here's Nancy Anderson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know how you feel.\u00a0 I know what you're thinking.\u00a0 You're thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.\u00a0 But I can tell you from experience, having climbed over it myself, that it's a lie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, August 20<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you find yourself tempted by infidelity, heed the warning of those who have been there before and who wish they could somehow undo the past.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.\u00a0 There's weeds and thorns and destruction and it will kill you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, there are some events in a marriage that tear open a hole so wide that couples pull back and look and think, we don't know if this can heal.\u00a0 And infidelity, adultery, is one of those events that couples pull back from and go I don't know if we can make our marriage work after that.\u00a0 And yet, as we've heard over and over again, Dennis, it's not only possible, but God will honor your efforts and will give you something better than you could have imagined.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have a couple who have been with us this week who have-- well, they've given us the privilege of peering into the pain and that gaping hole you're talking about.\u00a0 But you know what, that hole can be surgery where God does a little repair work on maybe some systemic issues in your marriage and that's what happened to Ron and Nancy Anderson.\u00a0 Ron, Nancy, thank you guys for sharing your story with us this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you, Dennis, for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's our privilege.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Ron and Nancy went through a period of suffering in their marriage that came about as a result of Nancy's infidelity, the second year into their marriage.\u00a0 They went about to-- to see their marriage rescued, as we heard earlier this week, by Nancy's parents who stepped into her life and reminded her of the truth, the real truth and nothing but the truth, that she was loved, that Jesus Christ was pursuing her and that as He said in John, chapter 8, \u201cGo and sin no more.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, as a result of that experience, Nancy has written a book called, <em>Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow an Affair-Proof Hedge Around Your Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 Nancy, we shared earlier just about that phone call from your parents and the impact that had on you as they confronted you with the reality that you couldn't divorce Ron.\u00a0 What we didn't hear, Ron, was one additional thing that Nancy's dad said to her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Well, going back a little bit, talking about how the Lord intervenes, she was not supposed to be home that night to get that phone call.\u00a0 Because by then we were fighting over the VCRs, the TVs, the sofas, the 8-track tapes, all of that stuff.\u00a0 And in my disgust of the whole situation as I was leaving town, I called her and I said, \u201cTake whatever you want.\u00a0 The keys are under the floor mat.\u00a0 I don't care.\u00a0 Take whatever you want.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd she was going to come over that Sunday.\u00a0 Instead, she decided during dinner with her friends to come over that night.\u00a0 She walked in the door.\u00a0 That's when she got the phone call from her mother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer father made her commit to staying one more time to talk to Ron one last time. I had left town for the weekend.\u00a0 I was not going to back that night or the night after or the night after.\u00a0 I was with a friend at a theater while we were at a convention and halfway through the show, I just started crying and the Lord said-- [choking up] the Lord said, \u201cGo home now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I asked my friend if he would take me home.\u00a0 Naturally he says, \u201cHey, we were supposed to be here for three days.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're out of town?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'm out of town.\u00a0 I'm about an hour away from where we live and I was going to stay at this convention all weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you asked him to take you back?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I said, \u201cCan you take me home?\u201d\u00a0 And, of course, he said, \u201cWe're supposed to be here for three days.\u201d\u00a0 But he said, \u201cOkay, I'll take you home.\u201d\u00a0 So he brought me home.\u00a0 We pulled into the driveway and I saw Nancy's car.\u00a0 And he said, \u201cWould you like me to go in with you?\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cNo, it's going to be all right.\u201d\u00a0 And at that moment, the Lord just showed me that it was going to be all right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I walked in the door and there's Nancy and that's when she said, \u201cI have something to tell you.\u201d\u00a0 That's when she told me that her parents had called.\u00a0 She confessed to me that she was having an affair with a man at work, which knocked the wind out of my stomach.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's the first time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was the first time, that night.\u00a0 The Lord brought me back to hear that message.\u00a0 I was empty.\u00a0 I was angry.\u00a0 I felt as a failure.\u00a0 My ego was shattered and all of those things were just spinning through my head as I'm listening to this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd kind of like Nancy explained earlier, you kind of feel like you're out over here watching all of this happening.\u00a0 That was kind of the emotion. But we gathered our thoughts and we stayed up all night to talk.\u00a0 And it was the first time in two years we actually talked at a reasonable volume.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next morning-- well, actually, we didn't go to sleep that night.\u00a0 We literally talked 'til 10 o'clock the next morning.\u00a0 At that point, Nancy called the president of the company that she worked for and explained that she had been involved in an affair and that she's not coming back to work.\u00a0 Take everything on her desk, throw it in the trash.\u00a0 She's never coming back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And he said, \u201cYou're doing the right thing.\u00a0 No job is as important as your marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it was the best job I'd ever had.\u00a0 I was very successful at it.\u00a0 But he encouraged me and then he connected me to Jake and Ron and I both spoke to him and said that I would not be seeing him again, ever.\u00a0 And another important point is that I said, \u201cYou know, Jake, my feelings for you have not changed, but my decision about our relationship has and so I will not be seeing you anymore.\u00a0 It doesn't mean that I don't love you.\u00a0 I still feel like I love you, but I will never see you again.\u00a0 I have made a decision to love my husband.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now I've got to unpack that a little bit here, because, obviously, that's huge.\u00a0 I was thinking about the previous 12 hours, 15 hours, from the phone call with your parents 'til this moment when you're talking with Jake.\u00a0 You're making a decision to turn off the attention and affection of a guy who packs picnic baskets and takes you to the park for lunch to remain married to a guy who's been cussing you out and who's been angry and who's been demeaning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 And who throws frozen pork chops at you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 We had a terrible marriage, but I had hope that if I was obedient to my part, that Ron would then become obedient to his part and I can't change him, but I can change me.\u00a0 And I knew that I had to be the best wife that I could be and then pray and hope that he would become the best husband he could be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Proverb 28:26, \u201cHe who trusts in his own heart is a fool.\u201d\u00a0 I'm going to read that again, because we've got a listener right now who's exactly where you were, Nancy.\u00a0 Maybe female, maybe male, totally mesmerized by the opposite sex and it's not their spouse.\u00a0 \u201cHe who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were delivered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I absolutely was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You took a step toward God and toward His plan, which warns us about adultery.\u00a0 It says the man who is committing adultery is taking fire into his chest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And he'll be burned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's like a bird getting into a snare.\u00a0 He's going to be caught.\u00a0 He's going to be roasted.\u00a0 You took a step away from the snare, the fire, and took a step toward God in faith, even though your marriage, at that point, for all practical purposes, was dead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And your emotions for Jake hadn't changed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it took a long time for them to change and it slowly began to change for my husband, as well, because I didn't-- we were not in love and I didn't even particularly like him, my own husband.\u00a0 But I made a decision to begin to look at myself and to look at my selfishness and to look at who I had become and I had become unlovable to him.\u00a0 I was critical and complaining and controlling him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd as I self-examined, I realized that, how could I have expected him to be a good husband when I was such a horrible wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Could I ask you, Nancy, to speak to Jake right now, not the guy you had the affair with, but to a man who's having an affair with another woman, to a woman who is the Jake in that relationship.\u00a0 What would you say to that woman, to that man?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say that I know how you feel.\u00a0 I know what you're thinking.\u00a0 You're thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.\u00a0 But I can tell you from experience, having climbed over it myself, that it's a lie, that there's weeds and thorns and destruction and that it will kill you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I would say to go home, to water your own lawn, to take that energy that you were pouring into someone else and pour it into your wife, pour it into your own husband.\u00a0 Because then that will grow.\u00a0 Then that will be green.\u00a0 And the satisfaction you will feel in having no guilt in your life, having no shame in your life, living a life that's true and examinable by anybody is an amazingly freeing thing, to be open, to be honest, to be vulnerable, and to have no secrets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And as you plant that new lawn and water that new lawn, put some hedges--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 --some hedges around that lawn.\u00a0 You all build your book around Mark 12:1, which says, \u201cA man planted a vineyard and set a hedge around it.\u201d\u00a0 A hedge was a fence to keep the critters out.\u00a0 In this case, it's to keep temptations out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you take the word \u201chedges\u201d and you break it down.\u00a0 H is for hearing, E is for encouraging, D is for dating, G is for guarding, E is educating, S, satisfying.\u00a0 That's some good direction for a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you had just one of those letters to pick out, Ron, Nancy, pick one of those letters out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 For me, it's hearing.\u00a0 And I find that if I'm listening, like in 1st Peter, I'm starting to dwell with my wife in understanding.\u00a0 And that single-- doing that single task of learning to understand your wife and listen to her, will make your marriage 110 percent better.\u00a0 The intimacy will grow.\u00a0 The love will grow.\u00a0 The commitment toward each other will grow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd every comedian we've ever heard since the Ed Sullivan shows joked about how impossible it was to understand the woman or understand your wife and I'm saying that if the Word of God tells you that you can dwell with your wife in understanding, then you must be able to do that.\u00a0 So that became my mission was to learn what makes her tick and stop stepping on her toes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nancy, now wait, I'm not asking you for your letter yet.\u00a0 He changed from being a jerk?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 To being a man of understanding?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 He absolutely did.\u00a0 It was--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did he do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a process.\u00a0 But he did listen to me and when I would say something that was confusing to him, he would say, \u201cNow what did you mean by that?\u201d or \u201cexplain that further.\u201d\u00a0 And when I would hint at something, which was part of our problem in our relationship, I would hint at something, he'd miss the hint and then I'd be mad at him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Expecting him to read your mind, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then we'd argue 'til three in the morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 So now when he would miss the hint and I'd be disappointed, he'd say, but I didn't understand that that's what you meant.\u00a0 And so then we would go back and kind of re-live it and he would explain to me why he missed my hint.\u00a0 And he'd say, you know, \u201cYou need to tell me, can you do this by two o'clock?\u201d\u00a0 And then he would say, \u201cYes, I can,\u201d or \u201cNo, I can't.\u201d\u00a0 And then we took the vagueness out of our conversation.\u00a0 We learned to get very specific.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You built a relationship is what you did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, going back a little bit further, there's things that had to take place before we ever got that far ahead, but--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had to go to grade school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Grade school, junior high, high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back, back all the way to the beginning.\u00a0 After we talked to Jake and her boss, we called her parents and let them know we were going to try to work this out.\u00a0 In their wisdom, they set up an appointment with us for Monday night to meet with a couple that had been married 30 years, who had a successful marriage.\u00a0 And that evening meeting with them gave us hope\u2014hope that we can do this.\u00a0 This can be what we had dreamt it would be or could be in a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then that following week we went back to Minnesota and counseled with Nancy's parents.\u00a0 I mean, I have the most incredible in-laws.\u00a0 Unfortunately, some of you folks may not be as blessed as I am, but we flew back to Minnesota and talked to them, first a couple of days with just Nancy and them and then I flew back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first night at dinner that we're there, he said, \u201cThere's something that has to take place before you go any further.\u201d\u00a0 And boy, I'm telling you, God is good to give me a father-in-law and a mother-in-law like this.\u00a0 He says, \u201cThe first thing, Nancy, I know she's probably told you that she was sorry, but did she ask for your forgiveness?\u201d\u00a0 And at that point she had not asked for my forgiveness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he said, \u201cNancy, you need to think about this overnight and you need to ask your husband for forgiveness and, Ron, you need to decide if you're going to forgive her or not or if this is going to be your ace in the hole for every argument for the next 40 years that you pull out as your trump card.\u201d\u00a0 He says, \u201cBut I don't want an answer tonight.\u00a0 I want you to think about it overnight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next morning we got up and we went to breakfast with her father and mother and her father said, \u201cHave you given any thought to this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I did.\u00a0 I asked Ron to please forgive me.\u00a0 I didn't have any excuses.\u00a0 I didn't have any defense for my action.\u00a0 I laid myself bare before him and said, will you\u2014can you please forgive me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 [choking up]\u00a0 And when she reached across the table and grabbed my hand and asked for forgiveness--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 He made a decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I made a decision to forgive her.\u00a0 And the Lord at that moment in time gave me the ability to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I have to ask you, because you told us this week that there was a point where you connected, you touched knees with Jake, and that was the beginning of what became an affair.\u00a0 Was this moment at the breakfast table, was this the point where your heart started to soften and warm and you started to think, my obedience is going to bear fruit and I have hope for myself, for my future, for my marriage, for my husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 That's exactly what happened and when he forgave me, though I did not deserve forgiveness, I knew then that he really, really loved me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, stepping back a second, when I get emotional talking about forgiveness, for our listeners, it's not that I'm still feeling pain about the experience.\u00a0 I just get overwhelmed how the Lord honored that process and how he stepped in and gave us the ability to rebuild our relationship and that he gave me the ability to forgive her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause there's a big pride issue there and there's a big ego issue there and when I talk to my friends at basketball on the court about this, they kind of shake their heads and say, I don't know.\u00a0 You know, I don't know if I could forgive my wife if she did that.\u00a0 But in the Lord, you can.\u00a0 And it overwhelms me to think that my marriage was so far into death and here it is 25 years later and we rejoice every morning that we wake up and look at each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 We're crazy in love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 It just--it's just overwhelming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And if there's a theme to this, Dennis, it's the theme that obedience, no matter what you feel like, bears fruit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so much, the world is telling you to follow your heart, but there's a verse about the heart is exceedingly wicked.\u00a0 Who can know it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our hearts get us in trouble all the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Which is why we've got to guard our hearts and got to counsel our hearts with the wisdom from Scripture.\u00a0 It's why we need to be aware of the strategies of the Enemy who would see us divided and see our marriage falter.\u00a0 So, let me encourage you, go online FamilyLifeToday.com get a copy of the book <em>Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome<\/em>, by Nancy Anderson, \u201cHow to grow affair-proof hedges around your marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can order by calling 1-800-FL TODAY.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329, that's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, we\u2019ll make the arrangements to have a copy of Nancy\u2019s book sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also say a quick word of thanks to those of you who in past weeks and months have made a contribution to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We so much appreciate those of you who not only listen regularly, but who from time-to-time will go online or give us a call and make a donation.\u00a0\u00a0 Your financial support is what makes this program possible.\u00a0 It\u2019s what made today\u2019s program possible.\u00a0 We do appreciate your support.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, here at the end of the summer, we\u2019re having to look hard at whether we\u2019re going to have to make some adjustments, and perhaps do some pruning to our network of radio stations, because we\u2019ve seen a falloff in donations this summer.\u00a0 We\u2019re committed to living within our financial means as a ministry.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re asking listeners if you can help with a donation this month, we would appreciate you doing so.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact we\u2019d love to send you as a thank you gift, a two-CD set: A conversation with Tim and Joy Downs on the subject of conflict in marriage.\u00a0 They\u2019ve written a book called <em>The Seven Conflicts of Marriage<\/em>, and you can request a copy of the two-CD set when you make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Just type the word \u201cseven\u201d into the key-code box on the online donation form, or call 1-800-FL TODAY, make your donation by telephone and just mention that you\u2019d like the CDs on conflict and we\u2019ll send those out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never made a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019re hoping this month that we can rally from each of the 50 states where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard here in the United States.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to rally 50 new donors.\u00a0 So, a total of 2500 donors during the month of August.\u00a0 If you could be one of those, a regular listener who\u2019s never made a donation, and you\u2019re willing to step up this month and make a donation of any amount, we\u2019d love to have you join the team.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf that donation can be $100 or more, and again you\u2019re a first-time donor, we want you to feel free to request a certificate so you and your spouse can attend a Weekend to Remember\u00ae Marriage Getaway this fall.\u00a0 Or you can pass the certificate along to someone else you know who could attend.\u00a0 Again, this is for those of you who are making a first-time donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and we do hope to hear from you, and we want to say thanks in advance for whatever you\u2019re able to do in support of the ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate you listening and being a part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> family.\u00a0 Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, we've talked about all this week how infidelity can bring a marriage to the edge of a cliff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that there's life closer to the mountain, away from that cliff.\u00a0 I have a question for you though, Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, sir?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You said you forgave Nancy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Have you ever used the ace card?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Never once.\u00a0 Never once.\u00a0 You know, the Lord has healed that in my heart so much that that's why I feel so free to talk about it.\u00a0 I've come to grips with the fact that I was not a good husband that I bear part of the responsibility for this entire thing.\u00a0 And I've never used the ace card and I've never needed to use the ace card.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now wait a second.\u00a0 You're holding the cards in your hand and in a heated moment where she's claiming you just don't understand again--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and there are--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 --and your hand reaches on the card--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 --of her infidelity and you grab hold of the card in your mind.\u00a0 You're going, \u201cTake that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, it never has.\u00a0 The first two years of our marriage were peaks and valleys and 99 percent of the time we were down in the valleys.\u00a0 Every once in a while, we'd come up on the peak for about 15 seconds and like each other.\u00a0 Our marriage is like peaks and valleys now, but now we're always up there on the peak with the Lord.\u00a0 Once in a while, we go into the valley and we get mad at each other, we have a disagreement, but we're only in there for seconds and then the Lord helps us get right back up there.\u00a0 And no, I've used the trump card and never had a need to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nancy, you're an eye-witness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, he's a great guy.\u00a0 I mean, when I think what I almost lost and what I almost walked away from and what I walled myself from, the best guy in the world, and that I almost lost him, it breaks my heart to think what I almost walked away from.\u00a0 But I'm so grateful and so undeserving of his love and I'm just grateful every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I love you, Nancy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for today, hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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