{"id":302093,"date":"2010-08-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-08-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-ecstasy-and-the-agony-of-an-affair\/"},"modified":"2010-08-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-08-18T15:00:00","slug":"the-ecstasy-and-the-agony-of-an-affair","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-ecstasy-and-the-agony-of-an-affair\/","title":{"rendered":"The Ecstasy and the Agony of an Affair"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today on the broadcast, Dennis Rainey talks with Ron and Nancy Anderson, a couple whose marriage was rocked off its foundation by the sin of infidelity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-08-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.27M","filesize_raw":"22305690","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903],"tags":[4927,4993,4086,4926,4874,2877],"podcast_series":[7439],"cwp_profile":[8997],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302093","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","tag-challenges","tag-cheating","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-infidelity","tag-marriage","podcast_series-avoiding-the-greener-grass-syndrome","cwp_profile-nancy-and-ron-anderson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302093\/the-ecstasy-and-the-agony-of-an-affair","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302093\/the-ecstasy-and-the-agony-of-an-affair","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"7Cie7FV5tF\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-ecstasy-and-the-agony-of-an-affair\/\">The Ecstasy and the Agony of an Affair<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-ecstasy-and-the-agony-of-an-affair\/embed\/#?secret=7Cie7FV5tF\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Ecstasy and the Agony of an Affair&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"7Cie7FV5tF\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Today on the broadcast, Dennis Rainey talks with Ron and Nancy Anderson, a couple whose marriage was rocked off its foundation by the sin of infidelity.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-08-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I should have told somebody.\u00a0 I didn't tell girlfriends; I lied to them.\u00a0 I lied to my mother.\u00a0 I lied to anybody that I thought would stop it.\u00a0 The only person I told was a woman at work who I knew would agree with me because she had been divorced multiple times.\u00a0 And I said, \u201cI'm thinking of leaving my husband,\u201d and she said, \u201cWell, good for you.\u00a0 Life's too short to be unhappy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today:<\/em> for Wednesday, August 18th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll hear today how Nancy Anderson's marriage went from bad to worse and then how it came back again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 We're going to discuss a subject today, Dennis, that for anyone who has found themselves in the midst of this kind of a scenario, well, they know it can rock your marriage.\u00a0 It can rock your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yeah, we're going to talk about infidelity.\u00a0 \u201cNewsweek\u201d ran a cover story on this a number of months ago and it reported that 80 percent of Americans say that infidelity is wrong.\u00a0 Now compare that with the Scriptures, where infidelity is wrong 100 percent of the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe interesting thing is, it is estimated that somewhere between 50 to 60 percent of married men cheat on their wives and it's been as low as 10 to 15 percent of the women, but now has increased in recent years to somewhere between 30 to 40 percent of married women are now being unfaithful to their husbands.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the reason is, according to this \u201cNewsweek\u201d article, is because of the number of women who are in the workplace, who are now coming into contact with the opposite sex because every day they're going to work like their husbands used to where their husbands were tempted.\u00a0 Now they're being tempted, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we've got a couple who are joining us today who have examined this subject, not just to see what the Scriptures have to say about it and what the cultural perspective is, but it's been a part of their own experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It has.\u00a0 Ron and Nancy Anderson join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Ron, Nancy, welcome to our broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you very much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nancy is the author of a book called \u201cAvoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome\u201d and, in addition to her being a writer, she's a homeschool mom, has two children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you guys were married back in 1978 and when you started your journey together, Ron, you were 26, Nancy you were 22.\u00a0 You kind of thought you'd both meet each other's needs and it would be happily ever after.\u00a0 But that wasn't the case, was it, Nancy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, it wasn't the case.\u00a0 And we did get married with a premise that's wrong and that was that I thought that he should make me happy and he thought the same thing.\u00a0 So we just sat around waiting to be made happy and, of course, that doesn't work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And one of the key questions, I guess, at this point is: where was God in all this in your lives?\u00a0 I mean, if you started out rocky, was He in the picture in your marriage?\u00a0 Or did you start your marriage without Him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was a Christian.\u00a0 I had become a Christian, actually, while I was in high school during the Jesus Movement years in 1972 and I went to Bible college, even.\u00a0 So it wasn't that I didn't have the knowledge.\u00a0 I was just selfish and I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and I wasn't willing to sacrifice any of my needs to meet his.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0And also, she came from a very strong Christian background, both her mother and father and brothers.\u00a0 I became a Christian about a year before we got married.\u00a0 So I was fairly new.\u00a0 I wasn't a strong Christian and I think, looking back, obviously that was the beginning of the end, so to speak, because we were not building our relationship on godly principles at all.\u00a0 We were looking for reasons not to go to church.\u00a0 \u201cWell, let's sleep in,\u201d or \u201cWell, we were out late last night.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe weren't spending a lot of time with Christian friends.\u00a0 We weren't developing people that would hold us accountable as friends in that sense.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0You know, we really shouldn't skip past this fundamental premise that you talked about here too quickly, because I think, Dennis, a lot of couples are saying that the fundamental thing they're looking for in marriage is to have their needs met.\u00a0 We talk at the Weekend to Remember conference about getting married with a 50\/50 plan or a 50\/50 approach to marriage, which is, \u201cI'll do my part if you'll do your part.\u201d\u00a0 And that's always destined to destruction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is, because her part -- that is my wife, Barbara, of course--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara's part is never as much as my part and the reason is, is my fingers are on the scales on my side of the deal.\u00a0 I'm weighing what I've done and I know how much it costs me to do what I do and we don't-- we don't meet each other halfway.\u00a0 And it's out of this drama of two people feeling like they haven't met one another halfway that disappointment strikes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then if you have someone who's going to work, as Nancy was, who's meeting sharp, handsome, attractive men, all of a sudden you have the possibility for a chemical reaction, which is what happened with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's exactly what happened.\u00a0 Actually, I can tell you the exact moment that it went into the danger zone and that was we were at a sales meeting.\u00a0 We were co-workers on a sales team and the whole premise of a sales team is to build teamwork and work on projects and have these victories together.\u00a0 So we were in the midst of one of those meetings and he was sitting next to me and his leg moved slightly and bumped up against mine and I did not pull away.\u00a0 And I remember making the decision not to pull away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now do you think he did that on purpose?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don't know.\u00a0 He left it there on purpose, because usually, it would happen that you'd bump each other and then you'd both pull away.\u00a0 But we both left it and that sent the signal to him that I was unguarded.\u00a0 He later, in conversations, did remember that moment as a defining moment of our relationship, taking it from friends and co-workers into a physical -- though it was just our knees -- relationship and then it progressed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, I want to stop there, because I think some of the couples who are listening to this broadcast, specifically women at this point but also men, you need to realize that the opposite sex does go fishing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They do drop hooks--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 --baited hooks in the water and, really, if you dissect the word \u201ctemptation\u201d and what it means in the Bible, it means bait.\u00a0 And what he was doing is he was baiting you.\u00a0 He was-- he was going fishing to see how you would respond to that situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I have no idea, over a period of years in my marriage, how many times women have gone fishing for me, but I'll tell you, it can all turn in an instant if your eyes are allowed to linger too long.\u00a0 If, as you did, you allow your leg to stay there and not pull away and shoot a look like, \u201cWhat are you doing, buster?\u201d which is what you should have done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The people who are going fishing are looking for a green light.\u00a0 And what you need to be at that point is not a yellow light.\u00a0 You have to be a red light that says stop right here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the reasons you were vulnerable to that brushing of the leg was because your own marriage had deteriorated to the point where I think you and Ron were separated at the time, weren't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not at that time.\u00a0 It was later, because this relationship with the co-worker, then we started to sit next to each other at lunch and then we went to lunch alone.\u00a0 And then we went to dinner alone after work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually canceled a lunch with Ron, at one point--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 --to have lunch with Jake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was that when he took the picnic basket to the park?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's when he took the picnic basket.\u00a0 And my husband, to set this up, was not complimenting me.\u00a0 He was not kind.\u00a0 He was not doing the things-- like I talk about in the book, he was not watering me.\u00a0 He was not watering his own lawn, so that's why I went looking for greener grass.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm not excusing my behavior, it's absolutely wrong, but I was in need of watering and I went looking for it in all the wrong places and this man at work, obviously, knew what I needed and began to water me with compliments.\u00a0 And compliments are like magnets and I was very attracted to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0Ron, give your perspective on what was going on in the midst of this.\u00a0 Were you even aware that--?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0No, I hadn't-- I mean, I was-- first of all, I was not a very good husband.\u00a0 I was a horrible husband.\u00a0 I frequently made Nancy the brunt of my jokes in a party environment and then we would end up fighting 'til three o'clock in the morning over that not being as funny I thought it was at her expense.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI used-- now, you've got to remember, we're both Christians at this point, but I'd resort to useing profanity in the relationship as my ace in the hole when I really wanted to make a point or really wanted to hurt her.\u00a0 So I was doing everything wrong that a husband could do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, you know, we jokingly say that she would come home and the first one that got home got to prepare their argument.\u00a0 So when the next one walked in the door, whatever the argument was going to be that night, we could start the chaos.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But conflict was pretty much a daily occurrence?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Conflict--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was our life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, that was our life.\u00a0 It was-- we were always picking at each other.\u00a0 And I, you know, half jokingly, here's a guy that's bringing her flowers to work, that tells her she's adorable.\u00a0 He's taking her to the park for lunch--\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 With a picnic basket, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 --with a picnic.\u00a0 I kind of jokingly say, I would have dated him.\u00a0 Of course, not, but I mean, how could you not be attracted to that when you come home and then you have a fellow that is just a creep and I was a creep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were either of you saying to one another, we need some help for our marriage?\u00a0 Let's go to a counselor.\u00a0 Let's talk to a pastor.\u00a0 You were talking to your parents and saying, \u201cMom, Dad, help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wasn't.\u00a0 I was attracted to this other man and I was making just horrific choices.\u00a0 I knew that my parents would stop me, so I just lied.\u00a0 Adultery and lies are all in the same.\u00a0 Every adulterer is a liar and I got really good at it and the more lies you tell, the more lies you have to keep telling to cover up the lie you told yesterday.\u00a0 And so it became this cycle, this secret, that kept me in a prison where I couldn't even ask for help, because then I would have to give up Jake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Early in our marriage\u2014and I know I\u2019ve shared this on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> before but it\u2019s such a great illustration of what a woman ought to do in a situation like this where a man goes fishing.\u00a0 I was leading bible study and there was a man coming into our home for this bible study who went fishing for Barbara.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInitially she felt complimented.\u00a0 Not that another married man was seeking after her, but she enjoyed his attention.\u00a0 She began to fight a little internal battle over a couple of days, saying \u201cWhat should I do?\u00a0 Should I tell my husband?\u00a0 That seems silly.\u201d\u00a0 But before the next bible study occurred, she told me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, at the moment she told me even thought she felt foolish for even mentioning it, at that point she felt that its hold, or whatever lure it had over her, or a spell\u2014you actually call it a spell in you book, <em>The Greener Grass Syndrome<\/em>\u2014that spell was no longer cast over her and all of a sudden it was revealed for what it was.\u00a0 Not a silly temptation, but a real temptation that could have gotten a foothold if she\u2019d kept it a secret.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's so key.\u00a0 I had a co-worker in another setting come to me at one point and he said, \u201cI just need some help and some accountability.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cI have found myself becoming attracted to a co-worker in our place,\u201d and he said, \u201cAnd I just know this is wrong and I need some accountability.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we had the opportunity to talk about that and to pray about it and I provided some accountability, but he told me, months later, when we were talking about this, he said, \u201cIt was-- it was like as soon as I told you, I didn't have the temptation as strong as it had been.\u201d\u00a0 As soon as it was out in the light -- and that's what we talked about.\u00a0 We talked about how you leave it in the darkness and it grows, you bring it into the light and somehow the power gets drained out of it, doesn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, exactly.\u00a0 And that's what I did not do.\u00a0 And looking back, I think, other than pull my leg away at the first instance, I should have told somebody.\u00a0 I didn't tell girlfriends; I lied to them.\u00a0 I lied to my mother.\u00a0 I lied to anybody that I thought would stop it.\u00a0 The only person I told was a woman at work who I knew would agree with me because she had been divorced multiple times.\u00a0 And I said, \u201cI'm thinking of leaving my husband,\u201d and she said, \u201cWell, good for you.\u00a0 Life's too short to be unhappy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, there's an action point for some folks who are listening, Dennis, because they're saying, I haven't gone there, but I've thought of where there is and I've wanted to go there and the action point is, it's time to not only run, but to bring somebody else in.\u00a0 Don't keep it in the dark.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to go one step back from that.\u00a0 I would say to every young couple starting out their marriage together, as you get your pre-marriage counseling, talk about this issue.\u00a0 I want our marriage to be a safe place, to be able to bring that to light and talk about so that it can be defused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it's interesting, because we'll get e-mails -- you know this -- from folks who write and say I am extremely jealous of my husband.\u00a0 He gets attention from other women.\u00a0 Is the jealousy my issue?\u00a0 He--you know, I do trust him.\u00a0 I don't think there's anything going on, but I just-- I find myself getting very jealous.\u00a0 What does a wife do if she finds herself in that situation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think in some of those situations, you've got to talk to your husband or if it's your wife who's flirting, you have to be able to have the conversation to say, \u201cYou know, your behavior in these situations is sending a signal that you're not a stop person, you're a green light person.\u201d\u00a0 And I've had these conversations with these women who are married to men who women pay a lot of attention to.\u00a0 There's a reason why those women pay attention to them, because those guys are flirting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Those guys are sending out signals.\u00a0 They're fishing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and Nancy, I think, would admit that she was a world-class flirt, even while we were dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was.\u00a0 I dated a lot of boys in high school and a lot of boys in college and I took pleasure in the fact that I could reel them in and then they'd fall in love with me and then I'd move on.\u00a0 And yet I had not grown up.\u00a0 I had not matured in my faith.\u00a0 I had not matured in my relationship skills and those secrets are tantalizing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wanted to live in the secret world until the world all fell apart for me.\u00a0 And then, when I did finally confess, of course, and opened the door and let the light in, the light of truth and the light of the Lord, that's when our marriage started to turn around.\u00a0 But my secrets kept me in prison.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Would you say in your relationship with Jake, after the time that you brushed knees, were you pursuing him harder than he was pursuing you?\u00a0 Or was it equal?\u00a0 Or were you responding to what he was doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would say it was equal.\u00a0 Now he was married and had two children, so it was a different thing on his part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were married with no children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'd say it was equal.\u00a0 We both called each other; we both had our secrets.\u00a0 He had already told his wife that he was leaving her.\u00a0 He had actually moved out of the house.\u00a0 So he-- we were planning on being together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 She had told me that she wanted a divorce.\u00a0 Now it started out as, \u201cWell, you know, I just need a little time on my own.\u00a0 Can I just go away for a couple days?\u201d\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 You know, I didn't know.\u00a0 And then, all of a sudden, she calls back and says, \u201cWell, I need another week.\u201d\u00a0 And then by the fourth phone call, it's, \u201cI want a divorce.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You never thought, in the midst of all of that, there's another guy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I-- I was an idiot.\u00a0 I had no-- I just thought I-- I knew I wasn't a good husband and I thought that was the catalyst for it, because I wasn't, but I had no idea that she was having an affair with another man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You had no idea you were in real competition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was in big trouble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Real competition for the soul of your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you husbands that are listening, [choking up] you may think you've had a bad day when you didn't get a raise, but when your sweetheart comes home and tells you she wants a divorce, there's no amount of begging, pleading that is going to change her mind, because now you're talking to a woman you've never met before, you're talking to a wall.\u00a0 She's turned off the emotional faucet and doesn't care any more.\u00a0 Then you've had a bad day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, as we visit, a situation that certainly no person who gets married would ever think they would end up there.\u00a0 Proverbs, chapter 14, the first couple of verses, Solomon gives some great advice.\u00a0 He says, \u201cThe wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.\u00a0 He who walks in uprightness, fears the Lord, but he who is crooked in his ways, despises Him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, you know, I just can't underscore enough that marriage is a spiritual institution.\u00a0 It is a spiritual relationship.\u00a0 Your choices are going to be based upon some kind of spiritual value system, either one that's based on the Scripture or a spiritual value system of the world that's nonsense.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou're going to base your marriage on something and if you have the wrong foundation, if you don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ and if you're not in the Scripture, building your house according to the Biblical blueprints, you're not only not exempt from a story like what we've heard today, you're setting yourself up for someone to go fishing for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause it's just a matter of time until you get disappointed, the hurt goes deep enough and your heart grows cold like the wall that Ron was speaking of where you're speaking to a woman you don't know or to a husband you don't know.\u00a0 And you know what, it's at that moment you need help and God's ready to help you in that moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I think those couples who would find themselves in the early stages of a situation like this, they need to realize there is a strategy to protect yourself and to keep from falling into this sin.\u00a0 I also think, for those who would find themselves on the-- on the other side of an affair, God can put a marriage back together and can graft it together so that it's stronger than it was before.\u00a0 You guys are an example of that, you\u2019re a testimony to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The book that you\u2019ve written called, <em>Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome<\/em> gives couples hope that a marriage can recover from an extra-marital affair, but it\u2019s also a great warning to all of us that we need to make sure we have established appropriate boundaries.\u00a0 And we need to make sure that we continue to cultivate the kind of relationship that God wants us to have in marriage\u2014that we continue to love one another, and care for one another, even in the midst of what can be hard and challenging times for us as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get a copy of Nancy Anderson\u2019s book, <em>Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>How to grow affair-proof hedges around your marriage.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, you can also call us at 1-800-FLTODAY, if that\u2019s easier.\u00a0 1-800-FLTODAY, to ask about a copy of this book and we\u2019ll be happy to send it out to you and to help you however we can to strengthen and preserve your marriage, or to help you recover from a marital earthquake if one of those has occurred in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month, we want to offer you as a resource, a two-CD series featuring a conversation we had with Tim and Joy Downs.\u00a0 They are the authors of a book called <em>The Seven Conflicts of Marriage<\/em> where they talk about common areas of conflict that come into a marriage relationship.\u00a0 And they help us navigate how we can resolve those conflicts, and how we can live in harmony with one another.\u00a0 The CDs are a thank you gift to you this month if you\u2019re able to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere as the summer is drawing to a close, actually at FamilyLife we\u2019re taking a hard look at some of our expenses and wondering if we\u2019re going to have to do a little more pruning here at the ministry.\u00a0 Here in the last year and a half we\u2019ve had to go through and make some adjustments because of our financial situation and our commitment to live within our means.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re wondering here if we\u2019re going to have to make some further adjustments, and perhaps no longer be heard on some of the stations that are currently carrying <em>FamilyLife Today:<\/em>.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re hoping that as many of you who can, will go online or will call to help with a donation to support our ministry.\u00a0 When you make your donation, feel free to request the two CD series on The Seven Conflicts of Marriage.\u00a0 All you have to do is type the word \u201cseven\u201d into the key-code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLTODAY, make your donation over the phone and just ask for the CDs on conflict.\u00a0 Again we\u2019re happy to send those out to you as a way of saying thank you for your support.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never made a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>--maybe you\u2019ve listened for a while and you\u2019ve just never called or gone online to help support the ministry.\u00a0 We\u2019re hoping here during the month of August, that we can rally about 2500 new supporters--2500 of you who listen regularly but who have not made a donation.\u00a0 That would be about 100 people a day over the course of the month.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a graph on our website that will show what our progress is this month if you\u2019d like to check it out.\u00a0 But, we\u2019re asking if you\u2019ll consider being one of those 2500 this month and make a donation, request the CDs when you do, and we\u2019re happy to send those out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are making a first time donation, and if that donation is more than $100 this month, we want to send you a certificate so that you and your spouse can attend a Weekend to Remember\u00ae Marriage Getaway this fall or you can pass that certificate along to your son or your daughter so they can go with their spouse, whatever you\u2019d like to do.\u00a0 Again, all you have to do is be a first-time donor to FamilyLife, and make a donation of $100 or more.\u00a0 You can request that marriage conference certificate when you do that, and again, we want to say welcome aboard, thanks for your support and we\u2019re glad to have you as part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you\u2019ll be back with us tomorrow as we\u2019re going to continue talking with Ron and Nancy Anderson.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear about what happened in their marriage when the earthquake went off, and how they began the process of rebuilding.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for today, hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302093","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302093"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302093"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302093"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302093"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302093"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302093"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302093"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}