{"id":302063,"date":"2010-06-23T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-06-23T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/cleansing-the-soul\/"},"modified":"2010-06-23T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-06-23T15:00:00","slug":"cleansing-the-soul","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cleansing-the-soul\/","title":{"rendered":"Cleansing the Soul"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is shame, guilt, and regret over past sexual sin affecting your relationship with your husband?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-23.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.7M","filesize_raw":"24846817","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4086,4926,2877,4714],"podcast_series":[7737],"cwp_profile":[9124],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302063","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","tag-romance","podcast_series-kiss-me-again","cwp_profile-barbara-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302063\/cleansing-the-soul","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302063\/cleansing-the-soul","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"NkjHNkRt8Y\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cleansing-the-soul\/\">Cleansing the Soul<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/cleansing-the-soul\/embed\/#?secret=NkjHNkRt8Y\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Cleansing the Soul&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"NkjHNkRt8Y\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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freedom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The most important part of this whole journey is it draws you closer to God and gives you greater intimacy and trust in God.\u00a0 If you have been hurt in your past sometimes we wonder \u201cWell where was God in all of this?\u00a0\u00a0 Why did He allow this to happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo first, trust needs to be restored with God and as you trust Him in this journey, then when He starts saying to you, \u201cNow I want you to tell your husband,\u201d at first you might be going, \u201cThere\u2019s no way!\u201d\u00a0 But once you trust God, and you see some of the impact of His healing, you\u2019re willing to say yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 23<sup>rd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today, Barbara Wilson points us to the path that leads to freedom, and to restoring lost intimacy in marriage when there\u2019s been a background of sexual sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen the same statistics that I\u2019ve seen that say that those couples that are involved in faithful, monogamous sex in a marriage relationship, those who are regular church attendees who profess to be Christians; they\u2019re having the highest levels of marital satisfaction in their sexual relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But you\u2019ve also seen the mail that we get here from people who would say, \u201cI\u2019m \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tfrustrated,\u201d either, \u201cmy husband does not have the desire that I thought he would have,\u201d and that\u2019s been an increasing issue for us that we\u2019ve seen here at FamilyLife, or there\u2019s adultery going on in a relationship or just there\u2019s frustration; \u201cOur relationship isn\u2019t working well in the sexual arena.\u00a0 How do we get help for that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and I think, Bob, many folks today are divorcing the past from the present, and they don\u2019t realize how they\u2019re carrying about within them the consequences of past choices and they also don\u2019t realize there\u2019s help and hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest with us here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Barbara Wilson, who joins us again to talk about this really important subject in this sexually promotional and abusive culture that we\u2019re in.\u00a0 Barbara, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you, great to be here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara is an author of a number of books, including the one we\u2019re talking about, <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>.\u00a0 She lives in Sacramento, been married to Eric, her husband, since 1981, and we\u2019re really talking about how you can restore intimacy in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the people you talk about in the book is a young lady by the name of Sophia, who had her first sexual encounter when she was 14.\u00a0 Share with our listeners not only the encounter, but the impact it and on her marriage, <em>and <\/em>how she found hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Well she just went to a party with a group of friends and before she knew it, some acquaintance\u2014she didn\u2019t really know this person, a friend of a friend-was forcing himself on her, taking her back to a bedroom and it was her first exposure to sex, and you can imagine the trauma it was for her.\u00a0 That really just propelled her on a path of promiscuity after that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This was truly date-rape?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was she not shouting and screaming and saying, \u201cLeave me alone!\u201d and, \u201cLet go of me!\u201d and \u201cNo!\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You\u2019re in so much shock; you really don\u2019t know what\u2019s happening.\u00a0 So even if that could\u2019ve been happening, she was probably off in a room where no one was there.\u00a0 And then there\u2019s so much shame that you don\u2019t even want to tell anyone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara, you\u2019re ministering to women in small groups by the hundreds, now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How prevalent is date rape today with young ladies coming out of this culture?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m sorry to say it\u2019s more and more because of young people going to parties where there is drinking and whenever you bring any kind of substance abuse into it it lowers people\u2019s own ambitions.\u00a0 They do things or get exposed to things.\u00a0 It just breaks my heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hear so many stories of young girls innocently going to a party and then before they know it, someone is forcing them into a bedroom and forcing themselves on them, and that\u2019s their initiation into sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So what would you say to parents who are raising their sons?\u00a0 Because I know one of the things you talk about in the book is how men need to protect women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think we need to be talking straight to our sons that one of their responsibilities that they\u2019re charged with as young men is despite their sex drive being what it is as young men they need to be protectors of young ladies\u2019 innocence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I have three sons and I told them all that.\u00a0 I said, \u201cGod has made you the protector of young women\u2019s purity.\u201d\u00a0 Even when they were engaged, I said to them, \u201cIf you don\u2019t protect the sexual integrity of your future wife today, she may not say too much now, but later on in your marriage, she will turn around and resent you for that because you didn\u2019t protect her.\u00a0 And there will be distress and it will create problems in your marriage one day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor young women, now I bring in this whole concept of be wise about people that you hang out with, and it is okay to say no.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s okay to speak up.\u00a0 If somebody has hurt you or wounded you or abused you or forced sex on you, tell someone right away.\u00a0 Get healing right away.\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to go away; in fact, it\u2019s going to cause you to make sinful choices that are going to hurt you.\u00a0 <strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me go back to Sophia.\u00a0 After she had had this experience at 14, did you say that opened the door for promiscuity in her life throughout her teenage years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely, because she didn\u2019t tell anyone so she lives with this shame and guilt.\u00a0 And let\u2019s bring up the fact, too, that once you open that sexual pathway, that God says in Songs of Solomon, you know, \u201cDon\u2019t arouse or awaken it, because once you\u2019ve opened it, it is easier to fall into that temptation.\u201d\u00a0 So here she is out partying with guys and she feels so lousy about herself.\u00a0 Now she\u2019s drinking and then it\u2019s easier to have sex and how to very promiscuous culture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, she was a Christian.\u00a0 She was raised in a Christian home.\u00a0 Eventually she met and married her husband, who wasn\u2019t like all the other guys.\u00a0 He was a really good guy and treated her well.\u00a0 Well within a few years of her marriage, she began to resort back to her promiscuity and for about five years, was having multiple affairs without her husband knowing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sexual promiscuity really is somewhat of a predictor of unfaithfulness in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Actually, it is.\u00a0 In fact, I quote some studies in here that show that people who have had sex outside of marriage have a greater chance of being unfaithful in their marriage and also a greater chance of divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, as I have said to couples at our Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage conferences, because we get with the engaged couples, and I just look them straight in the eye and say, \u201cLook, if your fianc\u00e9e is having sex with you today, the one thing you both know about the other person is that you are people who will have sex with somebody you\u2019re not married to.\u00a0 You know that.\u00a0 The reason you know that is because you are having sex with somebody you\u2019re not married to!\u00a0 Now what makes you think that post-the alter that will change?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 You got to trust each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right, and you can watch these couples, you can see the wheels start to spin, and they go, \u201cI never thought about it quite like that,\u201d but we see the effects of that in married couples and you saw it in Sophia\u2019s life, so she\u2019s having multiple affairs.\u00a0 Did her husband finally learn of this or did she talk to you before he found out?\u00a0 What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, during that time she had an experience with God when He really showed her, \u201cokay, do you really want to be doing this?\u201d\u00a0 She kind of had a 180 turn and stopped.\u00a0 So eight years later now she is still struggling with this shame and impact of her past and also the promiscuity in her marriage.\u00a0 It was to the point where she was saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to go to the grave with this.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to tell anyone.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to tell my husband.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was impacting their emotional and physical intimacy.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t having sex.\u00a0 In fact, she says, \u201cI could barely look my husband in the eye because I always felt like he has to know.\u201d\u00a0 When you\u2019re filled with shame you feel like it\u2019s on the outside and everyone can see it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until she read my first book <em>Invisible Bond<\/em> that she realized she needed healing for this.\u00a0 It was impacting her marriage, and so she came to our study.\u00a0 Even before the study began she knew that God wanted her to share it with her husband, so that\u2019s how she came into the study.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And did she do that eventually?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, she did.\u00a0 In fact, about halfway through the study, she had it really confirmed and God shared with her that in order for her to have complete healing, and in order for her and her husband to have complete intimacy that she wanted, God said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to expose this.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to share it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Is this one of the first things you confront women with as you sit down with them and take them through this study?\u00a0 The fact that all of this is going to have to come out in the open?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I try not to scare them right off the bat, you know what I\u2019m saying? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause sometimes that could be a deal-breaker.\u00a0 Like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to tell anyone!\u201d\u00a0 We lead them gently to that point.\u00a0 We start with you need to get healthy and you need to get healed. Because really part of this whole journey, the most important part is that it draws you closer to God and gives you greater intimacy and trust in God, because if you\u2019ve been hurt in your past, sometimes we go, \u201cWell where was God in all of this?\u00a0 Why did He allow this to happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo first, trust needs to be restored with God.\u00a0 And as you trust Him in this journey, then when He starts saying to you, \u201cNow I want you to tell your husband.\u201d\u00a0 At first you might be going, \u201cThere\u2019s no way!\u201d\u00a0 But once you trust God, and you see some of the impact of his healing, you\u2019re willing to say yes, and that\u2019s what happened with Sophie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You talked about this in your book as \u201ccleaning house.\u201d\u00a0 I was recently with a guy, who was laughing about this, but his garage had collected just tons of stuff, and he hadn\u2019t cleaned his garage in years!\u00a0 Hadn\u2019t had his car in the garage in years.\u00a0 He was surrounded in the neighborhood by everybody who had clean garages and their doors were always left open to show off how clean their garage is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Can we stay on subject?\u00a0 I\u2019m not liking where you\u2019re taking this!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know where we\u2019re going here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And finally, the guy broke down, and he called a friend and said, \u201cBring some buddies over here.\u00a0 Let\u2019s clean the garage and let\u2019s deal with it.\u201d\u00a0 He had it on a yearly plan for years!\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t done it.\u00a0 So, a bunch of guys, over a dozen guys, came over.\u00a0 Well, the first thing they did was take everything out of the garage in total, so much so that people were stopping on the road asking if it was a garage sale!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he said it was only after everything was out there that we began to see, \u201cMan!\u00a0 Most of that stuff doesn\u2019t belong out there!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And then, with the garage that was clean, they then began to put a structure in place to be able to store stuff and put things away.\u00a0 In a sense, that\u2019s really what you\u2019re calling women to do at this point is clean your house, move everything out, and park it in its ugliness for God to see and for you to take a look at and to ultimately grieve it, but that\u2019s where they begin, when they confess their sins.\u00a0 1John 1:9:\u00a0 \u201cIf we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what people really need is they need a washing.\u00a0 They need a cleansing in their soul.\u00a0 In fact that verse concludes, \u201cIf we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from <em>all<\/em> unrighteousness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But let me ask you:\u00a0 Is it possible because I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve had women who will get to this point, they get the garage clean, and it\u2019s all out there where God can see it.\u00a0 They confess.\u00a0 They repent, but now we\u2019re talking about, \u201cDo I tell my husband?\u201d\u00a0 They go, \u201cI just cannot!\u00a0 I want what you\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 I want the cleansing and the healing.\u00a0 I want the emotional intimacy, the sexual intimacy to be all that God wants it to be, but I can\u2019t do that.\u201d\u00a0 So here\u2019s my question:\u00a0 Is it possible for them to have what they want and not tell her husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Is it possible to be healed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not completely.\u00a0 Because whenever we keep secrets the enemy is allowed to torment us over and over and keep that shame and wounds alive.\u00a0 I believe just reading scripture and knowing more and more about God that He doesn\u2019t like secrets.\u00a0 He keeps talking about bringing things into the open and the things that we\u2019re hiding He\u2019s going to disclose.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to bring them into the open, and my experience is the first step is bringing it all out into the open and allowing God to show you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just love your analogy of the garage.\u00a0 It\u2019s perfect because with our wounds, they accumulate, too!\u00a0 We kind of don\u2019t even notice, but, you know, you\u2019re applying your experience, relationship, they accumulate, and they\u2019re all kind of stuck in the garage of our hearts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And so what do you do?\u00a0 It\u2019s all in the front lawn, you\u2019ve got it out there\u2026what does a woman do now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And that\u2019s the first step, just bringing it out and allowing God to show you, okay, what happened here in your life.\u00a0 How did that impact your view of sex or your view of God or men?\u00a0 How has that hurt you?\u00a0 How did that experience back here, maybe when you were 12, maybe someone exposed himself to you or someone pushed themselves physically on you, how did that cause you to make other choices? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So when you bring it all out, we get them to write out their story, which is kind of like the part of cleaning your house, and God shows you cause and effect.\u00a0 How experiences in your past led to other choices.\u00a0 It\u2019s a great way of God bringing truth, and that allows that grieving process to start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But I got to come back her to this telling your husband part, because I know that a lot of women listening going, \u201cI could never do that!\u00a0 Here\u2019s what they think.\u00a0 \u201cIf I did that he\u2019ll either leave me, he\u2019ll say, \u2018I have grounds now.\u00a0 You are unfaithful, so I have biblical grounds to divorce, so I\u2019m out of here!\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr he\u2019ll say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not out of here, but I could never be with you again.\u00a0 Ignorance is better than\u2026\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019ll just try to patch this one together because if he knew, it would be the end.\u00a0 We\u2019d never have the kind of emotional intimacy in a relationship that I\u2019m longing to have.\u00a0 It will just send us back to our corners!\u201d\u00a0 What would you say to them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, in every case where a wife has told their husband, it has been the opposite.\u00a0 The husband who loves his wife will want to work that out, and it has made the marriage stronger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ve got two comments on this.\u00a0 First, and I can\u2019t say this unequivocally because I\u2019m not experienced this, but the husband already knows something\u2019s up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They often do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He may not know there\u2019s an affair, but he senses a sense of disconnectedness.\u00a0 I hate to put it in these terms but he may be relieved to find out what the truth is and what is going on.\u00a0 So as a man you can begin to address it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As I was telling you, often when women are getting ready to tell their husbands, the husbands will start saying things like, \u201cI had a dream last night that you had an affair.\u201d\u00a0 And it\u2019s like God is preparing their hearts to hear that news.\u00a0 I see that over and over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I agree.\u00a0 The second thing I\u2019d like to say is that God calls to take steps of faith.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t ask us to run ahead and solve all the problems at the same time.\u00a0 Take the first step:\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 John 1:9 says, \u201cStart with God.\u00a0 Confess your sins.\u00a0 Name them before Him so he can cleanse you from all unrighteousness.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of times our sin has control over us: the shame, the guilt, all that paralyzes us from being able to do anything with our spouse.\u00a0 That kind of transparency with God gives us courage with our spouses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And then James 5 says \u201cConfess your sins one to another...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>So that\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201c\u2026so that you may be healed.\u201d\u00a0 And you got to take that scripture at face value, don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 In fact, that is one of the scriptures that we use as a foundation for our ministry and working together and sharing in a group the healing process.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You go on to talk about the need for grieving that sin.\u00a0 You say there\u2019s anger that we experience because of our sin?\u00a0 Are we angry at ourselves, angry at other people?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s say someone has hurt you in the past sexually or forced themselves upon you or you just made that choice.\u00a0 There\u2019s a lot of repressed anger towards others.\u00a0 But we stuff it away and sometimes internalized anger comes out as depression and sadness and other physiological conditions.\u00a0 So we really walk the women through a grieving process for their past.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it starts with acknowledging other people\u2019s part in what has happened to you, but also in your choices, and expressing anger in a Godly, healthy way so that it\u2019s not abusive or unhealthy.\u00a0 Then walking through grief and then walking through forgiveness.\u00a0 So it\u2019s those three pieces of the grieving process that we walk through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And receiving the forgiveness of God is that what you\u2019re talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Forgiveness of God but also forgiving others is part of that process, and many times, forgiving ourselves.\u00a0 I hear lots of women say that \u201cI can forgive other people, but I just can never forgive myself,\u201d and so part of that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>After you move through this process, you then encourage women to say good bye to their sexual history.\u00a0 How do you say good bye to something\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>...that you\u2019ll never forget completely?\u00a0 I mean, you still remember your story?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, we can still have the memories, but we write out our sexual history list, pray and ask God to show us people that we\u2019ve created that bond sexually and then pray through it and ask God to sever that bond, emotionally, spiritually, physically.\u00a0 What I say is even though the memories completely don\u2019t go away the impact of the wounding form that past no longer triggers the same emotions for us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, even though I can still remember my past, when I remember it, it doesn\u2019t trigger shame.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t trigger the same wounds, the same pain, and those kinds of things.\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s what we bring into our marriage that keeps impacting how we react in our marriage, and so that\u2019s gone so that you\u2019re free completely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, as you were talking, Barbara, I thought of Romans 6:23.\u00a0 This is really what we\u2019ve been talking about, just how our sexual past can control us in our marriages today.\u00a0 Paul writes, \u201cFor the wages of sin is death.\u201d\u00a0 Now, the context here is spiritual separation from God.\u00a0 The result of our sin not only separates us from God, though, it also separates us in marriage, from our spouses.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the passage goes on to say, \u201c\u2026but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.\u201d\u00a0 Jesus Christ and the cross embody forgiveness.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all sinned.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all broken God\u2019s laws.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all failed numerous times, whether in act and in deed or in our imagination, in our fantasy worlds or emotionally.\u00a0 We\u2019re all in need of grace, forgiveness, and mercy and that really is the message of these broadcasts.\u00a0 That\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally there\u2019s no other world religion that offers a personal forgiveness through Jesus Christ.\u00a0 He\u2019s the one who comes to us and offers us forgiveness that not only allows us to be free from the past, but also to experience eternal life with God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank you for your courage to tell your story.\u00a0 You\u2019ve done that in a couple of books, and you\u2019ve done it on the broadcast here a couple of times.\u00a0 I just appreciate you being willing to go back some ugly moments and encourage others who have experienced the same thing.\u00a0 Thanks a bunch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and Dennis, there are, undoubtedly listeners, who, as they were hearing you talk about what God offers, that the gift of eternal life and what Christ has done for us.\u00a0 They thought, \u201cI\u2019m not sure I\u2019ve ever heard it explained that way or understood it the way you were explaining it.\u00a0 I want to know more about what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ve got a book we\u2019d like to send you called <em>Pursuing God<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s a free resource that helps walk you through what it means to experience forgiveness and to have an ongoing relationship with the God of the universe through His Son Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can request a copy of this book by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY, and we\u2019ll make arrangements to have a copy sent to you so that you can understand what it means to be a Christian, to be a follower of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Let me also encourage you.\u00a0 If sexual sin is a part of your past, and it\u2019s something that you\u2019ve never dealt with, call to get a copy of Barbara Wilson\u2019s book called <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>.\u00a0 Again, you can call us at the same number 1-800-FL-TODAY, or you can request a copy when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call our toll-free number 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY, and we\u2019ll let you know how you can get a copy of Barbara\u2019s book sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just again say a quick word of thanks to those folks who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 I\u2019ve told people before that it takes three groups of people for this program to be available on this station.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst, it takes our team here, working as hard as they do to help do all of the production and syndication, to get the program ready to be sent out to local radio stations.\u00a0 Then it takes your local radio station working in partnership with us to make the program available each day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd finally, it takes folks like you who help provide the funding to make all of that happen by donating to the ministry of FamilyLife.\u00a0 So, you\u2019re a very real part of the team when you help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this month, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a thank you gift, a copy of a book by Truett Cathy.\u00a0 He\u2019s the founder of Chick-fil-A restaurants.\u00a0 The book\u2019s called<em>, <\/em>and you can request a copy of that book when you make a donation this month of any amount for the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re making that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, just type the word \u201cBOYS\u201d in the key code box you\u2019ll find on the online donation form, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake a donation over the phone and just ask for a copy of the book on building boys.\u00a0 We\u2019ll get it out to you, and again we appreciate you joining with us and being a part of the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>possible in your city.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want you to be back with us tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear part one of a message from Jennifer Rothschild, who has lived with blindness now for almost three decades.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear some of the lessons God has taught her about walking by faith and not by sight.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow and I hope you can be with us for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.7M"],"filesize_raw":["24846817"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302063.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302063.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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shame, guilt, and regret over past sexual sin affecting your relationship with your husband?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Most people who look back on a past that includes sexual sin, simply try to stuff down or repress the memory of those activities.\u00a0 Barbara Wilson says there is a different path you ought to look at taking, a path that leads to freedom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The most important part of this whole journey is it draws you closer to God and gives you greater intimacy and trust in God.\u00a0 If you have been hurt in your past sometimes we wonder \u201cWell where was God in all of this?\u00a0\u00a0 Why did He allow this to happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo first, trust needs to be restored with God and as you trust Him in this journey, then when He starts saying to you, \u201cNow I want you to tell your husband,\u201d at first you might be going, \u201cThere\u2019s no way!\u201d\u00a0 But once you trust God, and you see some of the impact of His healing, you\u2019re willing to say yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 23<sup>rd<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today, Barbara Wilson points us to the path that leads to freedom, and to restoring lost intimacy in marriage when there\u2019s been a background of sexual sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen the same statistics that I\u2019ve seen that say that those couples that are involved in faithful, monogamous sex in a marriage relationship, those who are regular church attendees who profess to be Christians; they\u2019re having the highest levels of marital satisfaction in their sexual relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But you\u2019ve also seen the mail that we get here from people who would say, \u201cI\u2019m \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tfrustrated,\u201d either, \u201cmy husband does not have the desire that I thought he would have,\u201d and that\u2019s been an increasing issue for us that we\u2019ve seen here at FamilyLife, or there\u2019s adultery going on in a relationship or just there\u2019s frustration; \u201cOur relationship isn\u2019t working well in the sexual arena.\u00a0 How do we get help for that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and I think, Bob, many folks today are divorcing the past from the present, and they don\u2019t realize how they\u2019re carrying about within them the consequences of past choices and they also don\u2019t realize there\u2019s help and hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest with us here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Barbara Wilson, who joins us again to talk about this really important subject in this sexually promotional and abusive culture that we\u2019re in.\u00a0 Barbara, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you, great to be here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara is an author of a number of books, including the one we\u2019re talking about, <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>.\u00a0 She lives in Sacramento, been married to Eric, her husband, since 1981, and we\u2019re really talking about how you can restore intimacy in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the people you talk about in the book is a young lady by the name of Sophia, who had her first sexual encounter when she was 14.\u00a0 Share with our listeners not only the encounter, but the impact it and on her marriage, <em>and <\/em>how she found hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Well she just went to a party with a group of friends and before she knew it, some acquaintance\u2014she didn\u2019t really know this person, a friend of a friend-was forcing himself on her, taking her back to a bedroom and it was her first exposure to sex, and you can imagine the trauma it was for her.\u00a0 That really just propelled her on a path of promiscuity after that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This was truly date-rape?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was she not shouting and screaming and saying, \u201cLeave me alone!\u201d and, \u201cLet go of me!\u201d and \u201cNo!\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You\u2019re in so much shock; you really don\u2019t know what\u2019s happening.\u00a0 So even if that could\u2019ve been happening, she was probably off in a room where no one was there.\u00a0 And then there\u2019s so much shame that you don\u2019t even want to tell anyone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara, you\u2019re ministering to women in small groups by the hundreds, now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How prevalent is date rape today with young ladies coming out of this culture?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m sorry to say it\u2019s more and more because of young people going to parties where there is drinking and whenever you bring any kind of substance abuse into it it lowers people\u2019s own ambitions.\u00a0 They do things or get exposed to things.\u00a0 It just breaks my heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hear so many stories of young girls innocently going to a party and then before they know it, someone is forcing them into a bedroom and forcing themselves on them, and that\u2019s their initiation into sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So what would you say to parents who are raising their sons?\u00a0 Because I know one of the things you talk about in the book is how men need to protect women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think we need to be talking straight to our sons that one of their responsibilities that they\u2019re charged with as young men is despite their sex drive being what it is as young men they need to be protectors of young ladies\u2019 innocence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I have three sons and I told them all that.\u00a0 I said, \u201cGod has made you the protector of young women\u2019s purity.\u201d\u00a0 Even when they were engaged, I said to them, \u201cIf you don\u2019t protect the sexual integrity of your future wife today, she may not say too much now, but later on in your marriage, she will turn around and resent you for that because you didn\u2019t protect her.\u00a0 And there will be distress and it will create problems in your marriage one day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor young women, now I bring in this whole concept of be wise about people that you hang out with, and it is okay to say no.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s okay to speak up.\u00a0 If somebody has hurt you or wounded you or abused you or forced sex on you, tell someone right away.\u00a0 Get healing right away.\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to go away; in fact, it\u2019s going to cause you to make sinful choices that are going to hurt you.\u00a0 <strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me go back to Sophia.\u00a0 After she had had this experience at 14, did you say that opened the door for promiscuity in her life throughout her teenage years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely, because she didn\u2019t tell anyone so she lives with this shame and guilt.\u00a0 And let\u2019s bring up the fact, too, that once you open that sexual pathway, that God says in Songs of Solomon, you know, \u201cDon\u2019t arouse or awaken it, because once you\u2019ve opened it, it is easier to fall into that temptation.\u201d\u00a0 So here she is out partying with guys and she feels so lousy about herself.\u00a0 Now she\u2019s drinking and then it\u2019s easier to have sex and how to very promiscuous culture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, she was a Christian.\u00a0 She was raised in a Christian home.\u00a0 Eventually she met and married her husband, who wasn\u2019t like all the other guys.\u00a0 He was a really good guy and treated her well.\u00a0 Well within a few years of her marriage, she began to resort back to her promiscuity and for about five years, was having multiple affairs without her husband knowing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sexual promiscuity really is somewhat of a predictor of unfaithfulness in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Actually, it is.\u00a0 In fact, I quote some studies in here that show that people who have had sex outside of marriage have a greater chance of being unfaithful in their marriage and also a greater chance of divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, as I have said to couples at our Weekend to Remember\u00ae marriage conferences, because we get with the engaged couples, and I just look them straight in the eye and say, \u201cLook, if your fianc\u00e9e is having sex with you today, the one thing you both know about the other person is that you are people who will have sex with somebody you\u2019re not married to.\u00a0 You know that.\u00a0 The reason you know that is because you are having sex with somebody you\u2019re not married to!\u00a0 Now what makes you think that post-the alter that will change?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 You got to trust each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right, and you can watch these couples, you can see the wheels start to spin, and they go, \u201cI never thought about it quite like that,\u201d but we see the effects of that in married couples and you saw it in Sophia\u2019s life, so she\u2019s having multiple affairs.\u00a0 Did her husband finally learn of this or did she talk to you before he found out?\u00a0 What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, during that time she had an experience with God when He really showed her, \u201cokay, do you really want to be doing this?\u201d\u00a0 She kind of had a 180 turn and stopped.\u00a0 So eight years later now she is still struggling with this shame and impact of her past and also the promiscuity in her marriage.\u00a0 It was to the point where she was saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to go to the grave with this.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to tell anyone.\u00a0 I\u2019m not going to tell my husband.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was impacting their emotional and physical intimacy.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t having sex.\u00a0 In fact, she says, \u201cI could barely look my husband in the eye because I always felt like he has to know.\u201d\u00a0 When you\u2019re filled with shame you feel like it\u2019s on the outside and everyone can see it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until she read my first book <em>Invisible Bond<\/em> that she realized she needed healing for this.\u00a0 It was impacting her marriage, and so she came to our study.\u00a0 Even before the study began she knew that God wanted her to share it with her husband, so that\u2019s how she came into the study.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And did she do that eventually?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, she did.\u00a0 In fact, about halfway through the study, she had it really confirmed and God shared with her that in order for her to have complete healing, and in order for her and her husband to have complete intimacy that she wanted, God said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to have to expose this.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to share it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Is this one of the first things you confront women with as you sit down with them and take them through this study?\u00a0 The fact that all of this is going to have to come out in the open?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I try not to scare them right off the bat, you know what I\u2019m saying? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause sometimes that could be a deal-breaker.\u00a0 Like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to tell anyone!\u201d\u00a0 We lead them gently to that point.\u00a0 We start with you need to get healthy and you need to get healed. Because really part of this whole journey, the most important part is that it draws you closer to God and gives you greater intimacy and trust in God, because if you\u2019ve been hurt in your past, sometimes we go, \u201cWell where was God in all of this?\u00a0 Why did He allow this to happen?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo first, trust needs to be restored with God.\u00a0 And as you trust Him in this journey, then when He starts saying to you, \u201cNow I want you to tell your husband.\u201d\u00a0 At first you might be going, \u201cThere\u2019s no way!\u201d\u00a0 But once you trust God, and you see some of the impact of his healing, you\u2019re willing to say yes, and that\u2019s what happened with Sophie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You talked about this in your book as \u201ccleaning house.\u201d\u00a0 I was recently with a guy, who was laughing about this, but his garage had collected just tons of stuff, and he hadn\u2019t cleaned his garage in years!\u00a0 Hadn\u2019t had his car in the garage in years.\u00a0 He was surrounded in the neighborhood by everybody who had clean garages and their doors were always left open to show off how clean their garage is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Can we stay on subject?\u00a0 I\u2019m not liking where you\u2019re taking this!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know where we\u2019re going here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And finally, the guy broke down, and he called a friend and said, \u201cBring some buddies over here.\u00a0 Let\u2019s clean the garage and let\u2019s deal with it.\u201d\u00a0 He had it on a yearly plan for years!\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t done it.\u00a0 So, a bunch of guys, over a dozen guys, came over.\u00a0 Well, the first thing they did was take everything out of the garage in total, so much so that people were stopping on the road asking if it was a garage sale!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd he said it was only after everything was out there that we began to see, \u201cMan!\u00a0 Most of that stuff doesn\u2019t belong out there!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And then, with the garage that was clean, they then began to put a structure in place to be able to store stuff and put things away.\u00a0 In a sense, that\u2019s really what you\u2019re calling women to do at this point is clean your house, move everything out, and park it in its ugliness for God to see and for you to take a look at and to ultimately grieve it, but that\u2019s where they begin, when they confess their sins.\u00a0 1John 1:9:\u00a0 \u201cIf we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what people really need is they need a washing.\u00a0 They need a cleansing in their soul.\u00a0 In fact that verse concludes, \u201cIf we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from <em>all<\/em> unrighteousness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But let me ask you:\u00a0 Is it possible because I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve had women who will get to this point, they get the garage clean, and it\u2019s all out there where God can see it.\u00a0 They confess.\u00a0 They repent, but now we\u2019re talking about, \u201cDo I tell my husband?\u201d\u00a0 They go, \u201cI just cannot!\u00a0 I want what you\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 I want the cleansing and the healing.\u00a0 I want the emotional intimacy, the sexual intimacy to be all that God wants it to be, but I can\u2019t do that.\u201d\u00a0 So here\u2019s my question:\u00a0 Is it possible for them to have what they want and not tell her husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Is it possible to be healed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not completely.\u00a0 Because whenever we keep secrets the enemy is allowed to torment us over and over and keep that shame and wounds alive.\u00a0 I believe just reading scripture and knowing more and more about God that He doesn\u2019t like secrets.\u00a0 He keeps talking about bringing things into the open and the things that we\u2019re hiding He\u2019s going to disclose.\u00a0 He\u2019s going to bring them into the open, and my experience is the first step is bringing it all out into the open and allowing God to show you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just love your analogy of the garage.\u00a0 It\u2019s perfect because with our wounds, they accumulate, too!\u00a0 We kind of don\u2019t even notice, but, you know, you\u2019re applying your experience, relationship, they accumulate, and they\u2019re all kind of stuck in the garage of our hearts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And so what do you do?\u00a0 It\u2019s all in the front lawn, you\u2019ve got it out there\u2026what does a woman do now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And that\u2019s the first step, just bringing it out and allowing God to show you, okay, what happened here in your life.\u00a0 How did that impact your view of sex or your view of God or men?\u00a0 How has that hurt you?\u00a0 How did that experience back here, maybe when you were 12, maybe someone exposed himself to you or someone pushed themselves physically on you, how did that cause you to make other choices? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So when you bring it all out, we get them to write out their story, which is kind of like the part of cleaning your house, and God shows you cause and effect.\u00a0 How experiences in your past led to other choices.\u00a0 It\u2019s a great way of God bringing truth, and that allows that grieving process to start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But I got to come back her to this telling your husband part, because I know that a lot of women listening going, \u201cI could never do that!\u00a0 Here\u2019s what they think.\u00a0 \u201cIf I did that he\u2019ll either leave me, he\u2019ll say, \u2018I have grounds now.\u00a0 You are unfaithful, so I have biblical grounds to divorce, so I\u2019m out of here!\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr he\u2019ll say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not out of here, but I could never be with you again.\u00a0 Ignorance is better than\u2026\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019ll just try to patch this one together because if he knew, it would be the end.\u00a0 We\u2019d never have the kind of emotional intimacy in a relationship that I\u2019m longing to have.\u00a0 It will just send us back to our corners!\u201d\u00a0 What would you say to them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, in every case where a wife has told their husband, it has been the opposite.\u00a0 The husband who loves his wife will want to work that out, and it has made the marriage stronger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ve got two comments on this.\u00a0 First, and I can\u2019t say this unequivocally because I\u2019m not experienced this, but the husband already knows something\u2019s up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They often do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He may not know there\u2019s an affair, but he senses a sense of disconnectedness.\u00a0 I hate to put it in these terms but he may be relieved to find out what the truth is and what is going on.\u00a0 So as a man you can begin to address it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As I was telling you, often when women are getting ready to tell their husbands, the husbands will start saying things like, \u201cI had a dream last night that you had an affair.\u201d\u00a0 And it\u2019s like God is preparing their hearts to hear that news.\u00a0 I see that over and over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I agree.\u00a0 The second thing I\u2019d like to say is that God calls to take steps of faith.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t ask us to run ahead and solve all the problems at the same time.\u00a0 Take the first step:\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 John 1:9 says, \u201cStart with God.\u00a0 Confess your sins.\u00a0 Name them before Him so he can cleanse you from all unrighteousness.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of times our sin has control over us: the shame, the guilt, all that paralyzes us from being able to do anything with our spouse.\u00a0 That kind of transparency with God gives us courage with our spouses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And then James 5 says \u201cConfess your sins one to another...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>So that\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201c\u2026so that you may be healed.\u201d\u00a0 And you got to take that scripture at face value, don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 In fact, that is one of the scriptures that we use as a foundation for our ministry and working together and sharing in a group the healing process.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You go on to talk about the need for grieving that sin.\u00a0 You say there\u2019s anger that we experience because of our sin?\u00a0 Are we angry at ourselves, angry at other people?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s say someone has hurt you in the past sexually or forced themselves upon you or you just made that choice.\u00a0 There\u2019s a lot of repressed anger towards others.\u00a0 But we stuff it away and sometimes internalized anger comes out as depression and sadness and other physiological conditions.\u00a0 So we really walk the women through a grieving process for their past.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it starts with acknowledging other people\u2019s part in what has happened to you, but also in your choices, and expressing anger in a Godly, healthy way so that it\u2019s not abusive or unhealthy.\u00a0 Then walking through grief and then walking through forgiveness.\u00a0 So it\u2019s those three pieces of the grieving process that we walk through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And receiving the forgiveness of God is that what you\u2019re talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Forgiveness of God but also forgiving others is part of that process, and many times, forgiving ourselves.\u00a0 I hear lots of women say that \u201cI can forgive other people, but I just can never forgive myself,\u201d and so part of that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>After you move through this process, you then encourage women to say good bye to their sexual history.\u00a0 How do you say good bye to something\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>...that you\u2019ll never forget completely?\u00a0 I mean, you still remember your story?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, we can still have the memories, but we write out our sexual history list, pray and ask God to show us people that we\u2019ve created that bond sexually and then pray through it and ask God to sever that bond, emotionally, spiritually, physically.\u00a0 What I say is even though the memories completely don\u2019t go away the impact of the wounding form that past no longer triggers the same emotions for us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, even though I can still remember my past, when I remember it, it doesn\u2019t trigger shame.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t trigger the same wounds, the same pain, and those kinds of things.\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s what we bring into our marriage that keeps impacting how we react in our marriage, and so that\u2019s gone so that you\u2019re free completely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, as you were talking, Barbara, I thought of Romans 6:23.\u00a0 This is really what we\u2019ve been talking about, just how our sexual past can control us in our marriages today.\u00a0 Paul writes, \u201cFor the wages of sin is death.\u201d\u00a0 Now, the context here is spiritual separation from God.\u00a0 The result of our sin not only separates us from God, though, it also separates us in marriage, from our spouses.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the passage goes on to say, \u201c\u2026but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.\u201d\u00a0 Jesus Christ and the cross embody forgiveness.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all sinned.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all broken God\u2019s laws.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all failed numerous times, whether in act and in deed or in our imagination, in our fantasy worlds or emotionally.\u00a0 We\u2019re all in need of grace, forgiveness, and mercy and that really is the message of these broadcasts.\u00a0 That\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally there\u2019s no other world religion that offers a personal forgiveness through Jesus Christ.\u00a0 He\u2019s the one who comes to us and offers us forgiveness that not only allows us to be free from the past, but also to experience eternal life with God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank you for your courage to tell your story.\u00a0 You\u2019ve done that in a couple of books, and you\u2019ve done it on the broadcast here a couple of times.\u00a0 I just appreciate you being willing to go back some ugly moments and encourage others who have experienced the same thing.\u00a0 Thanks a bunch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and Dennis, there are, undoubtedly listeners, who, as they were hearing you talk about what God offers, that the gift of eternal life and what Christ has done for us.\u00a0 They thought, \u201cI\u2019m not sure I\u2019ve ever heard it explained that way or understood it the way you were explaining it.\u00a0 I want to know more about what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d\u00a0 We\u2019ve got a book we\u2019d like to send you called <em>Pursuing God<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s a free resource that helps walk you through what it means to experience forgiveness and to have an ongoing relationship with the God of the universe through His Son Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can request a copy of this book by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY, and we\u2019ll make arrangements to have a copy sent to you so that you can understand what it means to be a Christian, to be a follower of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Let me also encourage you.\u00a0 If sexual sin is a part of your past, and it\u2019s something that you\u2019ve never dealt with, call to get a copy of Barbara Wilson\u2019s book called <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>.\u00a0 Again, you can call us at the same number 1-800-FL-TODAY, or you can request a copy when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call our toll-free number 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY, and we\u2019ll let you know how you can get a copy of Barbara\u2019s book sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just again say a quick word of thanks to those folks who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 I\u2019ve told people before that it takes three groups of people for this program to be available on this station.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst, it takes our team here, working as hard as they do to help do all of the production and syndication, to get the program ready to be sent out to local radio stations.\u00a0 Then it takes your local radio station working in partnership with us to make the program available each day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd finally, it takes folks like you who help provide the funding to make all of that happen by donating to the ministry of FamilyLife.\u00a0 So, you\u2019re a very real part of the team when you help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this month, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, we\u2019d like to send you a thank you gift, a copy of a book by Truett Cathy.\u00a0 He\u2019s the founder of Chick-fil-A restaurants.\u00a0 The book\u2019s called<em>, <\/em>and you can request a copy of that book when you make a donation this month of any amount for the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re making that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, just type the word \u201cBOYS\u201d in the key code box you\u2019ll find on the online donation form, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake a donation over the phone and just ask for a copy of the book on building boys.\u00a0 We\u2019ll get it out to you, and again we appreciate you joining with us and being a part of the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>possible in your city.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want you to be back with us tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear part one of a message from Jennifer Rothschild, who has lived with blindness now for almost three decades.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear some of the lessons God has taught her about walking by faith and not by sight.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow and I hope you can be with us for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302063","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302063"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302063"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302063"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302063"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302063"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302063"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302063"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}