{"id":302062,"date":"2010-06-22T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-06-22T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/owning-up-to-our-sexual-sin\/"},"modified":"2010-06-22T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-06-22T15:00:00","slug":"owning-up-to-our-sexual-sin","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/owning-up-to-our-sexual-sin\/","title":{"rendered":"Owning Up to Our Sexual Sin"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you feel remorse over your sexual past?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.04M","filesize_raw":"26256694","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4086,4926,2877,4714],"podcast_series":[7737],"cwp_profile":[9124],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302062","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","tag-romance","podcast_series-kiss-me-again","cwp_profile-barbara-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302062\/owning-up-to-our-sexual-sin","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302062\/owning-up-to-our-sexual-sin","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"JiJ2aQ2tAF\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/owning-up-to-our-sexual-sin\/\">Owning Up to Our Sexual Sin<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/owning-up-to-our-sexual-sin\/embed\/#?secret=JiJ2aQ2tAF\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Owning Up to Our Sexual Sin&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"JiJ2aQ2tAF\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara Wilson looked back on her past with a lot of regret.\u00a0 She had been sexually active prior to marriage.\u00a0 She\u2019d had an abortion; she\u2019d been married and divorced.\u00a0 For years she found herself in bondage to her past sins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>For 25 years I kept all of this a secret and I just tried to deal with it on my own.\u00a0 I was asking God to forgive me over and over and over again.\u00a0 I kept wondering why don\u2019t I feel forgiven.\u00a0 Why do I still trigger shame and regret and guilt?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod showed me that my repentance in the past had been worldly.\u00a0 It had been about me.\u00a0 I just felt bad for what I\u2019d done, and I wanted to feel better.\u00a0 But, God wanted me to experience godly sorrow, and see it from His perspective.\u00a0 Part of that process of godly sorrow is what led to real repentance which is what set me free from my shame and my pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, June 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you look back on your past with some regret over sexual sin, have you experienced godly sorrow that leads to real repentance?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about what that means today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I sometimes wish we could go back a hundred years and have a conversation with married couples, and just try to get a picture of what sexual intimacy was like for couples then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What issues they were facing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes. Whether the problems that many couples are experiencing when it comes to their sexual intimacy today, are vastly different than the problems that those couples faced a hundred years ago, or whether there are similarities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, you remember a guest we had here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of years ago, Bob, who talked about what the Puritans did to help keep their sons and daughters pure.\u00a0 I\u2019m chuckling because of the visual nature of this.\u00a0 But, they bundled them.\u00a0 They wrapped them up in blankets.\u00a0 The boy was mummified and so was the girl.\u00a0 Then they\u2019d leave them to have conversations.\u00a0 Now think about that for a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I also remember that when those young people got married in those Puritan days, a part of the reception was for the boy and the girl to go up to the loft and come back down having consummated their marriage relationship.\u00a0 Everybody knew who was downstairs eating the chicken wings or whatever they had at the reception, everybody knew what was going on and when they came down, everybody cheered for them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Talk about pressure.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A very different day than in our day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No doubt about it, our day is one of sexual promotion, sexual promiscuity, sexual abuse, date rape.\u00a0 I mean, there are just a number of traps impacting our young people today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I guess most people don\u2019t have buffalo wings at the reception.\u00a0 So\u2026 (laughs)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was picturing buffalo wings with the Puritans.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was just thinking of the ideal reception.\u00a0 In my mind they\u2019d have some buffalo wings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I thought about asking you about buffalo wings and Puritans but you probably had some kind of inside track.\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s introduce our guest, Barbara Wilson on our broadcast today.\u00a0 Barbara welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you, great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara is a speaker.\u00a0 She\u2019s an author.\u00a0 She lives along with her husband Eric in Sacramento, California.\u00a0 She has spoken before committees and groups at the United Nations.\u00a0 She\u2019s written a number of books.\u00a0 The latest is called <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>, which is restoring lost intimacy in marriage.\u00a0 Barbara you\u2019ve been leading groups of women through a recovery process that restores hope, allows them to move from shame to forgiveness and grace to finally being able to move into their marriage with hope and expectancy and passion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou made a statement before we came on the air that a number of these women that are in your groups have found their way to promiscuity because they were first sexually abused, or had some kind of sexual experience before they were married.\u00a0 Will you explain what you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I think in our culture that there\u2019s so much pressure for the girls to have sex.\u00a0 So, they\u2019re being forced or pressured into sex.\u00a0 Maybe not even really understanding what\u2019s happening.\u00a0 Then they feel like, \u201cOkay, I was going to save sex for marriage and now that\u2019s over, that dream or that goal is over\u2026\u201d So they feel like they\u2019re damaged goods.\u00a0 Then they go, \u201cWell, what\u2019s the big deal now?\u00a0 I might as well have sex.\u201d\u00a0 I know so many of the women are struggling with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, are you saying that for a young woman, once she has crossed a line, once virginity has been surrendered, instead of thinking, \u201cI never want to do that again.\u201d\u00a0 She thinks, \u201cWell, I guess I\u2019ve lost that.\u00a0 Now, I might as well have it all the time.\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s the thing.\u00a0 It\u2019s just like when Eve took that first bite of the apple.\u00a0 The Bible says her eyes were opened and then she saw she was naked.\u00a0 Then she had shame.\u00a0 I think for young people I say to them, you think that sex is not this big deal, until you have it.\u00a0 Until you have it that first time, then it\u2019s like your eyes are opened and you realize, \u2018Oh, my goodness, this was something so special, so divine and I\u2019ve just given it away.\u2019\u00a0 So you feel all this shame, you feel cheap, you feel damaged and wounded, and it\u2019s no big deal anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you remember feeling remorse, regret, and emptiness after you had your first sexual experience?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, I felt a little bit lost and shocked and I felt violated a little bit.\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 But, at the time there are all of these weird emotions.\u00a0 Because, I loved this person, I thought he loved me, we were in this relationship, and I wanted to marry him.\u00a0 I thought he was the one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what happens is, after that relationship broke up, you get into a new relationship and what happens is, now that you\u2019ve opened that pathway, you\u2019re going to have sex even sooner in the next relationship.\u00a0 That\u2019s what happened for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Would you say that first experience for you, you look back on it and say, \u201cI was sexually abused.\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I guess there\u2019s different terminology, I felt like it wasn\u2019t consensual.\u00a0 So, yes it can also be termed as abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, when you talk about the process of sexual abuse leading to increased promiscuity, you\u2019re including that broader definition of a non-consensual young woman being pressured by her boyfriend.\u00a0 Maybe she says no, maybe she doesn\u2019t say no, but she isn\u2019t going into this with her whole heart saying, \u201cLet\u2019s do this.\u201d<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I talk to a lot of women who really do want to save sex for marriage.\u00a0 But yet, they feel like if they don\u2019t have sex, their boyfriend is going to leave them, or if they don\u2019t have sex it creates all kinds of tension.\u00a0 So they\u2019re trying to preserve this relationship.\u00a0 It has a lot to do with emotional intimacy for women too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually share in your book about a young lady by the name of Arlene who had her first sexual encounter at the unbelievable age of\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Twelve.\u00a0 And, it was with a 15 year old boy in her youth group.\u00a0 He was like a predator with her.\u00a0 He targeted her, but made her feel special, and made her feel older than she was.\u00a0 It was a gradual thing but eventually he trapped her into this sexual relationship.\u00a0 He had her parents tricked.\u00a0 He would say, \u201cI\u2019ll pick your daughter up and take her to youth group,\u201d then take her to somewhere and have sex with her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo she felt this weird trapping, she felt special but she also knew there was something very wrong about it.\u00a0 This happened when she was twelve-year-old. So, for three years this went on.\u00a0 He broke up with her.\u00a0 Then that led her into this very promiscuous lifestyle when she got into college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wanted to make a comment about something we just flew by there.\u00a0 That\u2019s the relentless pursuit of a teenage boy.\u00a0 When his sex drive is at its peak, he really can be a predator.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some who are listening to you and saying, \u201cNow, wait a second.\u00a0 You sounded like or felt like you were taken advantage of, yet you were a participant.\u201d\u00a0 But if you understand a young man at this age, the nature of his pursuit, if he doesn\u2019t have something, a set of beliefs, spiritual values, a walk with God and Christ that keeps his passion under control, he really can pressure and press and in a predatory manner, pursue a girl to such a point that she\u2019s in a corner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Don\u2019t just presume that because he\u2019s going to the youth group, that he has those spiritual convictions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And can be trusted as a result.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Of course, as I mentioned, a lot of young people are doing things and they don\u2019t think they\u2019re having sex.\u00a0 Girls are being pushed to go farther and farther physically, but the guy keeps saying, \u201cWell, we\u2019re not having sex, so you\u2019re fine.\u00a0 You\u2019re still a virgin.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, as I\u2019m out speaking to youth groups now, since I\u2019m on the other end and doing the healing piece and helping women and hearing their stories, I\u2019m always talking to the young people and saying, \u201cThis may have already happened to you.\u00a0 Maybe you\u2019ve been pressured, or you\u2019re being abused by someone, or molested by someone\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Every time now I just feel the Holy Spirit saying, \u201cYou need to talk about this because it\u2019s happening.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo often we tell our young people, \u201cdon\u2019t have sex, don\u2019t have sex,\u201d but we\u2019re forgetting about so many of the young women; their first experience is pressured, or they\u2019ve become a victim or in this case with Arlene and many other women whose stories I share in the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s go back to Arlene and talk about the impact in Arlene\u2019s marriage as a thirty-year-old woman, she was struggling.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and she loved her husband.\u00a0 They had a great relationship, two children, yet she talks about how she felt like she had this big black rubber band around her heart that was keeping her from giving herself completely to her husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really came down to negative association with sex in the past, how she\u2019d been victimized and how then she had become promiscuous, and shame, regret, but then also because of past wounding, you can\u2019t trust as well, so there\u2019s this lack of trust.\u00a0 Even though you\u2019re in this marriage, you\u2019re supposed to trust this guy, but you\u2019re a little afraid to trust him.\u00a0 She was describing in a great way how many women feel when they get into a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, what you\u2019re describing is:\u00a0 She\u2019s just shutting down any time there\u2019s even a hint of a spark of interest or arousal, something shuts her down?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You just don\u2019t even have the desire, so you tend to avoid having sex.\u00a0 Or, if you\u2019re having sex but you\u2019re shut down even emotionally, so your body is there, but you\u2019re not there mentally.\u00a0 But also, it can come up as anger in women.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s anger from the past, and you don\u2019t understand why you\u2019re always getting angry at your husband, or kind of going into a rage so there\u2019s different impacts from the past, the wounding.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, that was the first time, at 30 years old\u2014in fact, she might have been 35\u2014when she realized that what had happened to her at 12 years old was abuse.\u00a0 All these years, she had assumed that she was responsible for that; she was to blame because she didn\u2019t stop it, she didn\u2019t tell anyone. So, she had carried that shame, and that blame.\u00a0 That then comes in between the intimacy with your husband too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, how did you counsel her?\u00a0 How did you help her?\u00a0 What did you say to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The first thing is just the truth.\u00a0 \u201cThat was abuse.\u00a0 You were abused and you need healing from that.\u201d\u00a0 I talk to so many women, they don\u2019t understand, they think \u201cOkay that\u2019s in the past; I just need to get over that.\u00a0 Just forget it, just move on.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the thing I tell them.\u00a0 Because of that wounding, we talked about that verse with sexual sin; it wounds us to the core.\u00a0 We need healing from those wounds; we need to go through a process of allowing the grieving for what\u2019s happened in our past.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we\u2019re young we have all these dreams of how God\u2019s maybe going to use us, and what\u2019s going to happen in our lives.\u00a0 When those things don\u2019t happen, we deny that we ever even wanted them.\u00a0 We think we didn\u2019t deserve it.\u00a0 We made choices now, so we don\u2019t deserve God to bless us.\u00a0 We need to grieve that.\u00a0 Once they understand and they\u2019re willing to go through the healing process, God takes over and does his amazing work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But, to that point, they have to bring whatever the sexual sin or abuse or experience, whatever it was they have to bring it out into the light.\u00a0 It has to be named.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 That\u2019s the hardest step, just acknowledging your past or acknowledging what\u2019s happened to you.\u00a0 Naming it and acknowledging the choices that you\u2019ve made.\u00a0 That was the beginning step for me.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been dealing with this internally, now it\u2019s time to bring it out and name it, and talk about it, and let me show you how that has wounded you and impacted you.\u00a0 That was the beginning step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You may have also been victimized, but at some point, you have to step up and say, I\u2019m not just a victim. But, I\u2019m a participant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 My own sin is a part of this.\u00a0 Now, when I say that, what I\u2019m acknowledging is that, guess what, you\u2019re like the rest of us.\u00a0 We all bring our package of sin, whatever it looks like, to the same place, to the foot of the cross.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m not saying you have to name your own sin with an eye toward condemnation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but with this subject, there\u2019s something about it.\u00a0 It\u2019s so private, so sacred, it\u2019s so difficult to name.\u00a0 Even before God, let alone other people.\u00a0 But, you actually with your groups that you lead, you actually name what you did.\u00a0 Would you mind doing that here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>My past, do you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 Yes\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I took sex outside of God\u2019s plan, I had sex outside of marriage, and I\u2019ve even had an abortion.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been married before, I\u2019ve been divorced.\u00a0 So, part of the process is just naming that.\u00a0 But, also seeing it from God\u2019s perspective so He can show you the truth.\u00a0 Part of God\u2019s perspective is what I call godly sorrow.\u00a0 Being sorry for it from God\u2019s perspective.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod talks about godly sorrow and worldly sorrow.\u00a0 Here was a big light-bulb for me when I realized that for 25 years, I kept all of this a secret, and I was trying to deal with it on my own.\u00a0 I was asking God to forgive me over and over and over again.\u00a0 I kept wondering, why don\u2019t I feel forgiven?\u00a0 Why do I still trigger shame and regret and guilt?\u00a0 God showed me that my repentance in the past had been worldly.\u00a0 It has been about me.\u00a0 I just felt bad for what I\u2019d done, and I wanted to feel better.\u00a0 I wanted to be done with it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, God wanted me to experience godly sorrow, see it from His perspective, and show me how I had hurt others, and how I\u2019d hurt him.\u00a0 Part of that process of godly sorrow is what led to real repentance which is what set me free from my shame and my pain.\u00a0 So, part of the exercise we have in the book about acknowledging your past, writing your sexual history list.\u00a0 All gives God an opportunity to show you your sin and what\u2019s happened to you from His perspective so you can have godly sorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, when David writes his Psalm of repentance in Psalm 51, this is David dealing with his own sexual sin.\u00a0 He had violated God\u2019s law, he had seen Bathsheba, he had been immoral with her, and he had had her husband killed.\u00a0 In Psalm 51 he goes to God and he says\u2014and this is amazing\u2014He says, \u201cAgainst you and you only have I sinned.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I read that and I go, \u201cWell, hang on David.\u00a0 I think you sinned against Bathsheba, I think you sinned against the nation.\u00a0 There are a lot of people and yet David comes to realize that until I acknowledge that my primary sin was not a sin against another person, it was a sin against God.\u00a0 You haven\u2019t really gotten to repentance until you get to that place. Have you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s interesting that you bring up David, because, that was kind of a beginning step for me.\u00a0 When I read about David and his sin, he was a murderer and adulterer, that\u2019s when God said to me, Barb, that\u2019s what you are.\u00a0 You are a murderer, you took your child\u2019s life, and you are an adulterer, you were having sex outside of marriage.\u00a0 Talk about naming it, I remember that was a pivotal thing where I said, \u201cOh my goodness, I\u2019m a murderer and I\u2019m an adulterer.\u201d\u00a0 Naming my sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother good point you bring out is that what God showed me was how I\u2019d sinned against Him. Here I\u2019d gone to all these guys to validate me, to make me feel special, to make me feel loved.\u00a0 God said, \u201cYou never came to Me.\u00a0 I should have been the one that you came to, in order make you feel loved and special.\u00a0 Yet, you took that question, that need to others.\u00a0 In the process, you\u2019ve not only hurt Me, you hurt them, and you\u2019ve hurt yourself.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You worshiped idols. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You saw these other guys as the ones who would fill the need that God said He would fill. You went there to worship instead of going to God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 And, that\u2019s a really powerful piece of healing, seeing it from God\u2019s perspective.\u00a0 That\u2019s what we help walk women through.\u00a0 Helping them get to that place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I just feel a need to read this passage that Paul wrote.\u00a0 He said, \u201cDon\u2019t be deceived, neither sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers nor swindlers will inherit the Kingdom of God.\u00a0 And, such were some of you.\u00a0 But, you were washed you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and by the Spirit of our God.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know Barbara; I have to believe we\u2019re talking to adulterers, murderers, people who have done all sorts of things who, right now, before they do anything with any other person in terms of asking for forgiveness, or even their own healing with their spouse, who need to receive the grace of God through Jesus Christ.\u00a0 This is why Christ went to the cross. He did this so that his forgiveness could be manifested in our lives if we will but surrender to Him and place our faith in Him as the one who died on the cross for our sins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just say to you as a listener right now, if you identify with Barbara, and with what she\u2019s talking about here, or the list I just read from, 1 Corinthians chapter six.\u00a0 You\u2019re realizing you need forgiveness, just like Bob said; you have to do what David did.\u00a0 \u201cAgainst you, and you only I have sinned, God.\u201d\u00a0 And you confess that sin, and you come to God and you ask Jesus Christ to become your lord, your master, your savior, your redeemer.\u00a0 You know what, it\u2019s not a spiritual equation; this is a relationship with Almighty God through the person of Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just encourage you right now, don\u2019t let another five minutes pass without knowing you\u2019ve received forgiveness, grace, and that redemption that Christ came to offer.\u00a0 There are a lot of people who are playing church today in American Christianity.\u00a0 People going to church who need to make a relationship with Christ their priority.\u00a0 This is where it begins, with a surrender to Christ and His finished work on the cross.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m wondering about those who are listening today who heard Barbara name her sin, abortion is murder, promiscuity is adultery or fornication, and those words have pierced them, the Spirit of God has taken those words and said, like Nathan said to David, \u201cYou are the man.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe it has brought a brokenness to their lives that was not there before, and they feel bad.\u00a0 You start to feel bad and what you want to do is stop feeling bad.\u00a0 It may be that you need to go ahead and feel bad for a while in order to eventually be healed.\u00a0 Rather than running from the pain, step into it and weep and grieve.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And, let the pain press you against the cross of Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right, to take you there.\u00a0 I would just encourage a listener, if you don\u2019t know Jesus, if you don\u2019t have a vital relationship with Him, where through prayer and through His word, and through the fellowship of others, you\u2019re connected with Him each day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may need to get a copy of a book that we\u2019d love to send you for free.\u00a0 A book called <em>Pursuing God: A Seeker\u2019s Guide.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s a book that explains to you how to become a disciple of Christ, how to become a follower of Jesus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like a copy of the book, if you don\u2019t know Christ, and you\u2019d like to find out what it means to know him, call 1-800-FL-TODAY, get a copy of the book <em>Pursuing God<\/em>, we\u2019ll send it out to you and our prayer is that this book will be a tool that God will use to lead you into the kind of relationship with Him that brings forgiveness, and transformation and hope to your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you do know Christ, but as we\u2019ve talked today about a past of sexual sin, you find yourself broken as we\u2019ve talked about.\u00a0 Call to get a copy of Barbara Wilson\u2019s book.\u00a0 Or, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The book is called, <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>.\u00a0 It lays out a path for dealing with the brokenness that comes from a past of sexual sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the title of the book is <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out how you can get a copy.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or call, 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, we\u2019ll let you know how you can get a copy of Barbara\u2019s book sent to you.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, by the way, say thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You make it possible for us, not only to be on this station, but for us to respond to folks who will call us today and say, \u201cI want to know what it means to be a Christian.\u201d\u00a0 Thank you for helping provide the funds necessary so that we can respond to those folks, and send out literature and make this daily radio program available, and make our website, FamilyLifeToday.com available.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month if you\u2019re able to help with a donation of any amount, we\u2019d like to say thank you by sending you a copy of a book by Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-fil-A.\u00a0 He wrote a book called <em>It\u2019s Better To Build Boys, Than Mend Men.<\/em>\u00a0 It\u2019s a great book on raising sons to be godly young men.\u00a0 It\u2019s our gift to you when you support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this month with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 If you make that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type the word \u201cBOYS\u201d in the key-code box on the online donation form, and we\u2019ll send you a copy of Truett\u2019s book.\u00a0 Or, call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329, you can make your donation over the phone and just ask for the book on building boys and we\u2019ll send it to you.\u00a0 Thanks again for helping to support this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to join us back tomorrow when Barbara Wilson is going to be with us again.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to continue to talk about how we can address issues from our past and heal relationships in our present today that have been marred by past choices.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. 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you feel remorse over your sexual past?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara Wilson looked back on her past with a lot of regret.\u00a0 She had been sexually active prior to marriage.\u00a0 She\u2019d had an abortion; she\u2019d been married and divorced.\u00a0 For years she found herself in bondage to her past sins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>For 25 years I kept all of this a secret and I just tried to deal with it on my own.\u00a0 I was asking God to forgive me over and over and over again.\u00a0 I kept wondering why don\u2019t I feel forgiven.\u00a0 Why do I still trigger shame and regret and guilt?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod showed me that my repentance in the past had been worldly.\u00a0 It had been about me.\u00a0 I just felt bad for what I\u2019d done, and I wanted to feel better.\u00a0 But, God wanted me to experience godly sorrow, and see it from His perspective.\u00a0 Part of that process of godly sorrow is what led to real repentance which is what set me free from my shame and my pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, June 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you look back on your past with some regret over sexual sin, have you experienced godly sorrow that leads to real repentance?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about what that means today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I sometimes wish we could go back a hundred years and have a conversation with married couples, and just try to get a picture of what sexual intimacy was like for couples then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What issues they were facing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes. Whether the problems that many couples are experiencing when it comes to their sexual intimacy today, are vastly different than the problems that those couples faced a hundred years ago, or whether there are similarities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, you remember a guest we had here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of years ago, Bob, who talked about what the Puritans did to help keep their sons and daughters pure.\u00a0 I\u2019m chuckling because of the visual nature of this.\u00a0 But, they bundled them.\u00a0 They wrapped them up in blankets.\u00a0 The boy was mummified and so was the girl.\u00a0 Then they\u2019d leave them to have conversations.\u00a0 Now think about that for a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I also remember that when those young people got married in those Puritan days, a part of the reception was for the boy and the girl to go up to the loft and come back down having consummated their marriage relationship.\u00a0 Everybody knew who was downstairs eating the chicken wings or whatever they had at the reception, everybody knew what was going on and when they came down, everybody cheered for them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Talk about pressure.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A very different day than in our day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No doubt about it, our day is one of sexual promotion, sexual promiscuity, sexual abuse, date rape.\u00a0 I mean, there are just a number of traps impacting our young people today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I guess most people don\u2019t have buffalo wings at the reception.\u00a0 So\u2026 (laughs)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was picturing buffalo wings with the Puritans.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was just thinking of the ideal reception.\u00a0 In my mind they\u2019d have some buffalo wings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I thought about asking you about buffalo wings and Puritans but you probably had some kind of inside track.\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s introduce our guest, Barbara Wilson on our broadcast today.\u00a0 Barbara welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you, great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara is a speaker.\u00a0 She\u2019s an author.\u00a0 She lives along with her husband Eric in Sacramento, California.\u00a0 She has spoken before committees and groups at the United Nations.\u00a0 She\u2019s written a number of books.\u00a0 The latest is called <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>, which is restoring lost intimacy in marriage.\u00a0 Barbara you\u2019ve been leading groups of women through a recovery process that restores hope, allows them to move from shame to forgiveness and grace to finally being able to move into their marriage with hope and expectancy and passion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou made a statement before we came on the air that a number of these women that are in your groups have found their way to promiscuity because they were first sexually abused, or had some kind of sexual experience before they were married.\u00a0 Will you explain what you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I think in our culture that there\u2019s so much pressure for the girls to have sex.\u00a0 So, they\u2019re being forced or pressured into sex.\u00a0 Maybe not even really understanding what\u2019s happening.\u00a0 Then they feel like, \u201cOkay, I was going to save sex for marriage and now that\u2019s over, that dream or that goal is over\u2026\u201d So they feel like they\u2019re damaged goods.\u00a0 Then they go, \u201cWell, what\u2019s the big deal now?\u00a0 I might as well have sex.\u201d\u00a0 I know so many of the women are struggling with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, are you saying that for a young woman, once she has crossed a line, once virginity has been surrendered, instead of thinking, \u201cI never want to do that again.\u201d\u00a0 She thinks, \u201cWell, I guess I\u2019ve lost that.\u00a0 Now, I might as well have it all the time.\u201d?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s the thing.\u00a0 It\u2019s just like when Eve took that first bite of the apple.\u00a0 The Bible says her eyes were opened and then she saw she was naked.\u00a0 Then she had shame.\u00a0 I think for young people I say to them, you think that sex is not this big deal, until you have it.\u00a0 Until you have it that first time, then it\u2019s like your eyes are opened and you realize, \u2018Oh, my goodness, this was something so special, so divine and I\u2019ve just given it away.\u2019\u00a0 So you feel all this shame, you feel cheap, you feel damaged and wounded, and it\u2019s no big deal anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you remember feeling remorse, regret, and emptiness after you had your first sexual experience?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, I felt a little bit lost and shocked and I felt violated a little bit.\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 But, at the time there are all of these weird emotions.\u00a0 Because, I loved this person, I thought he loved me, we were in this relationship, and I wanted to marry him.\u00a0 I thought he was the one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what happens is, after that relationship broke up, you get into a new relationship and what happens is, now that you\u2019ve opened that pathway, you\u2019re going to have sex even sooner in the next relationship.\u00a0 That\u2019s what happened for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Would you say that first experience for you, you look back on it and say, \u201cI was sexually abused.\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I guess there\u2019s different terminology, I felt like it wasn\u2019t consensual.\u00a0 So, yes it can also be termed as abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, when you talk about the process of sexual abuse leading to increased promiscuity, you\u2019re including that broader definition of a non-consensual young woman being pressured by her boyfriend.\u00a0 Maybe she says no, maybe she doesn\u2019t say no, but she isn\u2019t going into this with her whole heart saying, \u201cLet\u2019s do this.\u201d<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I talk to a lot of women who really do want to save sex for marriage.\u00a0 But yet, they feel like if they don\u2019t have sex, their boyfriend is going to leave them, or if they don\u2019t have sex it creates all kinds of tension.\u00a0 So they\u2019re trying to preserve this relationship.\u00a0 It has a lot to do with emotional intimacy for women too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually share in your book about a young lady by the name of Arlene who had her first sexual encounter at the unbelievable age of\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Twelve.\u00a0 And, it was with a 15 year old boy in her youth group.\u00a0 He was like a predator with her.\u00a0 He targeted her, but made her feel special, and made her feel older than she was.\u00a0 It was a gradual thing but eventually he trapped her into this sexual relationship.\u00a0 He had her parents tricked.\u00a0 He would say, \u201cI\u2019ll pick your daughter up and take her to youth group,\u201d then take her to somewhere and have sex with her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo she felt this weird trapping, she felt special but she also knew there was something very wrong about it.\u00a0 This happened when she was twelve-year-old. So, for three years this went on.\u00a0 He broke up with her.\u00a0 Then that led her into this very promiscuous lifestyle when she got into college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wanted to make a comment about something we just flew by there.\u00a0 That\u2019s the relentless pursuit of a teenage boy.\u00a0 When his sex drive is at its peak, he really can be a predator.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some who are listening to you and saying, \u201cNow, wait a second.\u00a0 You sounded like or felt like you were taken advantage of, yet you were a participant.\u201d\u00a0 But if you understand a young man at this age, the nature of his pursuit, if he doesn\u2019t have something, a set of beliefs, spiritual values, a walk with God and Christ that keeps his passion under control, he really can pressure and press and in a predatory manner, pursue a girl to such a point that she\u2019s in a corner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Don\u2019t just presume that because he\u2019s going to the youth group, that he has those spiritual convictions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And can be trusted as a result.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Of course, as I mentioned, a lot of young people are doing things and they don\u2019t think they\u2019re having sex.\u00a0 Girls are being pushed to go farther and farther physically, but the guy keeps saying, \u201cWell, we\u2019re not having sex, so you\u2019re fine.\u00a0 You\u2019re still a virgin.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, as I\u2019m out speaking to youth groups now, since I\u2019m on the other end and doing the healing piece and helping women and hearing their stories, I\u2019m always talking to the young people and saying, \u201cThis may have already happened to you.\u00a0 Maybe you\u2019ve been pressured, or you\u2019re being abused by someone, or molested by someone\u2026\u201d\u00a0 Every time now I just feel the Holy Spirit saying, \u201cYou need to talk about this because it\u2019s happening.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo often we tell our young people, \u201cdon\u2019t have sex, don\u2019t have sex,\u201d but we\u2019re forgetting about so many of the young women; their first experience is pressured, or they\u2019ve become a victim or in this case with Arlene and many other women whose stories I share in the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s go back to Arlene and talk about the impact in Arlene\u2019s marriage as a thirty-year-old woman, she was struggling.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and she loved her husband.\u00a0 They had a great relationship, two children, yet she talks about how she felt like she had this big black rubber band around her heart that was keeping her from giving herself completely to her husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really came down to negative association with sex in the past, how she\u2019d been victimized and how then she had become promiscuous, and shame, regret, but then also because of past wounding, you can\u2019t trust as well, so there\u2019s this lack of trust.\u00a0 Even though you\u2019re in this marriage, you\u2019re supposed to trust this guy, but you\u2019re a little afraid to trust him.\u00a0 She was describing in a great way how many women feel when they get into a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, what you\u2019re describing is:\u00a0 She\u2019s just shutting down any time there\u2019s even a hint of a spark of interest or arousal, something shuts her down?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You just don\u2019t even have the desire, so you tend to avoid having sex.\u00a0 Or, if you\u2019re having sex but you\u2019re shut down even emotionally, so your body is there, but you\u2019re not there mentally.\u00a0 But also, it can come up as anger in women.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s anger from the past, and you don\u2019t understand why you\u2019re always getting angry at your husband, or kind of going into a rage so there\u2019s different impacts from the past, the wounding.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, that was the first time, at 30 years old\u2014in fact, she might have been 35\u2014when she realized that what had happened to her at 12 years old was abuse.\u00a0 All these years, she had assumed that she was responsible for that; she was to blame because she didn\u2019t stop it, she didn\u2019t tell anyone. So, she had carried that shame, and that blame.\u00a0 That then comes in between the intimacy with your husband too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, how did you counsel her?\u00a0 How did you help her?\u00a0 What did you say to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The first thing is just the truth.\u00a0 \u201cThat was abuse.\u00a0 You were abused and you need healing from that.\u201d\u00a0 I talk to so many women, they don\u2019t understand, they think \u201cOkay that\u2019s in the past; I just need to get over that.\u00a0 Just forget it, just move on.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the thing I tell them.\u00a0 Because of that wounding, we talked about that verse with sexual sin; it wounds us to the core.\u00a0 We need healing from those wounds; we need to go through a process of allowing the grieving for what\u2019s happened in our past.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we\u2019re young we have all these dreams of how God\u2019s maybe going to use us, and what\u2019s going to happen in our lives.\u00a0 When those things don\u2019t happen, we deny that we ever even wanted them.\u00a0 We think we didn\u2019t deserve it.\u00a0 We made choices now, so we don\u2019t deserve God to bless us.\u00a0 We need to grieve that.\u00a0 Once they understand and they\u2019re willing to go through the healing process, God takes over and does his amazing work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But, to that point, they have to bring whatever the sexual sin or abuse or experience, whatever it was they have to bring it out into the light.\u00a0 It has to be named.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 That\u2019s the hardest step, just acknowledging your past or acknowledging what\u2019s happened to you.\u00a0 Naming it and acknowledging the choices that you\u2019ve made.\u00a0 That was the beginning step for me.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been dealing with this internally, now it\u2019s time to bring it out and name it, and talk about it, and let me show you how that has wounded you and impacted you.\u00a0 That was the beginning step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You may have also been victimized, but at some point, you have to step up and say, I\u2019m not just a victim. But, I\u2019m a participant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 My own sin is a part of this.\u00a0 Now, when I say that, what I\u2019m acknowledging is that, guess what, you\u2019re like the rest of us.\u00a0 We all bring our package of sin, whatever it looks like, to the same place, to the foot of the cross.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m not saying you have to name your own sin with an eye toward condemnation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, but with this subject, there\u2019s something about it.\u00a0 It\u2019s so private, so sacred, it\u2019s so difficult to name.\u00a0 Even before God, let alone other people.\u00a0 But, you actually with your groups that you lead, you actually name what you did.\u00a0 Would you mind doing that here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>My past, do you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0 Yes\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I took sex outside of God\u2019s plan, I had sex outside of marriage, and I\u2019ve even had an abortion.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been married before, I\u2019ve been divorced.\u00a0 So, part of the process is just naming that.\u00a0 But, also seeing it from God\u2019s perspective so He can show you the truth.\u00a0 Part of God\u2019s perspective is what I call godly sorrow.\u00a0 Being sorry for it from God\u2019s perspective.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod talks about godly sorrow and worldly sorrow.\u00a0 Here was a big light-bulb for me when I realized that for 25 years, I kept all of this a secret, and I was trying to deal with it on my own.\u00a0 I was asking God to forgive me over and over and over again.\u00a0 I kept wondering, why don\u2019t I feel forgiven?\u00a0 Why do I still trigger shame and regret and guilt?\u00a0 God showed me that my repentance in the past had been worldly.\u00a0 It has been about me.\u00a0 I just felt bad for what I\u2019d done, and I wanted to feel better.\u00a0 I wanted to be done with it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, God wanted me to experience godly sorrow, see it from His perspective, and show me how I had hurt others, and how I\u2019d hurt him.\u00a0 Part of that process of godly sorrow is what led to real repentance which is what set me free from my shame and my pain.\u00a0 So, part of the exercise we have in the book about acknowledging your past, writing your sexual history list.\u00a0 All gives God an opportunity to show you your sin and what\u2019s happened to you from His perspective so you can have godly sorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, when David writes his Psalm of repentance in Psalm 51, this is David dealing with his own sexual sin.\u00a0 He had violated God\u2019s law, he had seen Bathsheba, he had been immoral with her, and he had had her husband killed.\u00a0 In Psalm 51 he goes to God and he says\u2014and this is amazing\u2014He says, \u201cAgainst you and you only have I sinned.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I read that and I go, \u201cWell, hang on David.\u00a0 I think you sinned against Bathsheba, I think you sinned against the nation.\u00a0 There are a lot of people and yet David comes to realize that until I acknowledge that my primary sin was not a sin against another person, it was a sin against God.\u00a0 You haven\u2019t really gotten to repentance until you get to that place. Have you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s interesting that you bring up David, because, that was kind of a beginning step for me.\u00a0 When I read about David and his sin, he was a murderer and adulterer, that\u2019s when God said to me, Barb, that\u2019s what you are.\u00a0 You are a murderer, you took your child\u2019s life, and you are an adulterer, you were having sex outside of marriage.\u00a0 Talk about naming it, I remember that was a pivotal thing where I said, \u201cOh my goodness, I\u2019m a murderer and I\u2019m an adulterer.\u201d\u00a0 Naming my sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother good point you bring out is that what God showed me was how I\u2019d sinned against Him. Here I\u2019d gone to all these guys to validate me, to make me feel special, to make me feel loved.\u00a0 God said, \u201cYou never came to Me.\u00a0 I should have been the one that you came to, in order make you feel loved and special.\u00a0 Yet, you took that question, that need to others.\u00a0 In the process, you\u2019ve not only hurt Me, you hurt them, and you\u2019ve hurt yourself.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You worshiped idols. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You saw these other guys as the ones who would fill the need that God said He would fill. You went there to worship instead of going to God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 And, that\u2019s a really powerful piece of healing, seeing it from God\u2019s perspective.\u00a0 That\u2019s what we help walk women through.\u00a0 Helping them get to that place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I just feel a need to read this passage that Paul wrote.\u00a0 He said, \u201cDon\u2019t be deceived, neither sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers nor swindlers will inherit the Kingdom of God.\u00a0 And, such were some of you.\u00a0 But, you were washed you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and by the Spirit of our God.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know Barbara; I have to believe we\u2019re talking to adulterers, murderers, people who have done all sorts of things who, right now, before they do anything with any other person in terms of asking for forgiveness, or even their own healing with their spouse, who need to receive the grace of God through Jesus Christ.\u00a0 This is why Christ went to the cross. He did this so that his forgiveness could be manifested in our lives if we will but surrender to Him and place our faith in Him as the one who died on the cross for our sins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just say to you as a listener right now, if you identify with Barbara, and with what she\u2019s talking about here, or the list I just read from, 1 Corinthians chapter six.\u00a0 You\u2019re realizing you need forgiveness, just like Bob said; you have to do what David did.\u00a0 \u201cAgainst you, and you only I have sinned, God.\u201d\u00a0 And you confess that sin, and you come to God and you ask Jesus Christ to become your lord, your master, your savior, your redeemer.\u00a0 You know what, it\u2019s not a spiritual equation; this is a relationship with Almighty God through the person of Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just encourage you right now, don\u2019t let another five minutes pass without knowing you\u2019ve received forgiveness, grace, and that redemption that Christ came to offer.\u00a0 There are a lot of people who are playing church today in American Christianity.\u00a0 People going to church who need to make a relationship with Christ their priority.\u00a0 This is where it begins, with a surrender to Christ and His finished work on the cross.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m wondering about those who are listening today who heard Barbara name her sin, abortion is murder, promiscuity is adultery or fornication, and those words have pierced them, the Spirit of God has taken those words and said, like Nathan said to David, \u201cYou are the man.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe it has brought a brokenness to their lives that was not there before, and they feel bad.\u00a0 You start to feel bad and what you want to do is stop feeling bad.\u00a0 It may be that you need to go ahead and feel bad for a while in order to eventually be healed.\u00a0 Rather than running from the pain, step into it and weep and grieve.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And, let the pain press you against the cross of Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right, to take you there.\u00a0 I would just encourage a listener, if you don\u2019t know Jesus, if you don\u2019t have a vital relationship with Him, where through prayer and through His word, and through the fellowship of others, you\u2019re connected with Him each day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may need to get a copy of a book that we\u2019d love to send you for free.\u00a0 A book called <em>Pursuing God: A Seeker\u2019s Guide.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s a book that explains to you how to become a disciple of Christ, how to become a follower of Jesus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like a copy of the book, if you don\u2019t know Christ, and you\u2019d like to find out what it means to know him, call 1-800-FL-TODAY, get a copy of the book <em>Pursuing God<\/em>, we\u2019ll send it out to you and our prayer is that this book will be a tool that God will use to lead you into the kind of relationship with Him that brings forgiveness, and transformation and hope to your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you do know Christ, but as we\u2019ve talked today about a past of sexual sin, you find yourself broken as we\u2019ve talked about.\u00a0 Call to get a copy of Barbara Wilson\u2019s book.\u00a0 Or, go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The book is called, <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>.\u00a0 It lays out a path for dealing with the brokenness that comes from a past of sexual sin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the title of the book is <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out how you can get a copy.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or call, 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, we\u2019ll let you know how you can get a copy of Barbara\u2019s book sent to you.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, by the way, say thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 You make it possible for us, not only to be on this station, but for us to respond to folks who will call us today and say, \u201cI want to know what it means to be a Christian.\u201d\u00a0 Thank you for helping provide the funds necessary so that we can respond to those folks, and send out literature and make this daily radio program available, and make our website, FamilyLifeToday.com available.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month if you\u2019re able to help with a donation of any amount, we\u2019d like to say thank you by sending you a copy of a book by Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-fil-A.\u00a0 He wrote a book called <em>It\u2019s Better To Build Boys, Than Mend Men.<\/em>\u00a0 It\u2019s a great book on raising sons to be godly young men.\u00a0 It\u2019s our gift to you when you support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this month with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 If you make that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type the word \u201cBOYS\u201d in the key-code box on the online donation form, and we\u2019ll send you a copy of Truett\u2019s book.\u00a0 Or, call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329, you can make your donation over the phone and just ask for the book on building boys and we\u2019ll send it to you.\u00a0 Thanks again for helping to support this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to join us back tomorrow when Barbara Wilson is going to be with us again.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to continue to talk about how we can address issues from our past and heal relationships in our present today that have been marred by past choices.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302062","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302062"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302062"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302062"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302062"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302062"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302062"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302062"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}