{"id":302061,"date":"2010-06-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-06-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/handling-sins-of-the-past\/"},"modified":"2010-06-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-06-21T15:00:00","slug":"handling-sins-of-the-past","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/handling-sins-of-the-past\/","title":{"rendered":"Handling Sins of the Past"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is your sexual past still haunting you today?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-21.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.48M","filesize_raw":"24623722","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4086,4926,2877,4714],"podcast_series":[7737],"cwp_profile":[],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302061","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","tag-romance","podcast_series-kiss-me-again","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302061\/handling-sins-of-the-past","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302061\/handling-sins-of-the-past","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"JFl69jwPy6\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/handling-sins-of-the-past\/\">Handling Sins of the Past<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/handling-sins-of-the-past\/embed\/#?secret=JFl69jwPy6\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Handling Sins of the Past&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"JFl69jwPy6\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>My view of sex was so warped from my past.\u00a0 I brought that into my marriage.\u00a0 I thought my husband was like all the other guys who had used me in my past.\u00a0 God had to start showing me those were the wounds that I brought in.\u00a0 I needed reverse with His Truth in healing those wounds.\u00a0 Then when that happened, all of that was gone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like all those negative associations were gone so it totally changed my view of sex\u2014my view of my husband.\u00a0 It has totally changed our marriage.\u00a0 It has totally brought life back into our marriage.\u00a0 It was so awesome to know that, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not a messed-up person.\u00a0 There was really a reason for this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, June 21st.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about how we can renew our minds around the subject of marriage, intimacy, and sexuality.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; thanks for joining us.\u00a0 As a part of a project that we are working on here at <em>FamilyLife, <\/em>I\u2019ve had the opportunity to visit with a number of folks over the last several weeks talking about husbands and wives and their struggle in the area of their relationship as it relates to intimacy.\u00a0 One of the questions I have asked, \u201cWhy do you think it is so many couples are struggling in this area?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Talking about sexual intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 The response I get, almost universally, is when you come to the marriage bed as couples do today with background scars, experience, sin\u2014as a part of that package\u2014you walk into something that you already have to do some repair work on at the moment that you get married.\u00a0 That is the condition in which most people find themselves as they begin their married life together.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are exactly right, Bob.\u00a0 In fact, as I was reading the book we are going to be talking about today, <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em> by Barbara Wilson, I just thought, \u201cWhat an age that we live in today that this subject needs to be addressed so thoroughly that it demands a book and several broadcasts.\u201d\u00a0 Unfortunately, it does.\u00a0 It needs a thorough, biblical explanation for how to handle sexual sins of the past, sexual abuse, or perhaps people who have been victimized by just sexual experiences growing up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think our guest on today\u2019s broadcast does a great job doing that.\u00a0 In fact, I just want to begin the broadcast with a verse because as Barbara shares in her book, she is quite honest about her own experiences in her own past.\u00a0 I am just grateful that honesty and transparency is there.\u00a0 In \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 15:10 Paul writes, \u201cBut by the grace of God, I am what I am.\u00a0 His grace toward me was not in vain.\u201d\u00a0 Barbara, that really is a great statement of your life, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That you made some mistakes growing up, but the grace of God that came to you and the forgiveness that you experienced was not in vain.\u00a0 In fact, you not only experienced that grace, you have passed it on to others as well.\u00a0 I want to welcome you to the broadcast.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you so much.\u00a0 It is so great to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara is speaker and author of the book <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>, as I mentioned earlier.\u00a0 She lives in Sacramento, California.\u00a0 She, along with her husband Eric, has been married since 1981.\u00a0 I just want to begin with a quote from your book, Barbara, and have you comment on it.\u00a0 You say, \u201cWhen wives say, \u2018No\u2019 to sex now, it is because they said, \u2018Yes,\u2019 earlier.\u201d\u00a0 Would you explain what you mean to our listeners around that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That was something that God began to show me because sex can be such a struggle in marriage anyway, even if you save sex for marriage.\u00a0 You have to learn and grow.\u00a0 There are all these changing dynamics.\u00a0 It can be complicated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs God began to show me and teach me about what it means to become one flesh, I began to realize that the bonds I created outside of marriage were what impacted my emotional and physical intimacy in marriage.\u00a0 Even though other things were coming in the way of sexual intimacy in marriage, this was a huge thing.\u00a0 This was the\u201d big elephant in the room\u201d that I was never even aware of.\u00a0 All of a sudden, God began to show me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It took a lot of courage for you to share your own mistakes in the past, but you did that so you could help others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, here I was\u2014I was born and raised in a Christian home\u2014my dad was a Baptist pastor.\u00a0 I gave my heart to Jesus when I was seven.\u00a0 I was going to serve Him with my whole life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I started making mistakes\u2014at the time\u2014nobody was talking to us about sex.\u00a0 So even though I knew I was supposed to save sex for marriage, I didn\u2019t know how to do it.\u00a0 It kind of snuck up on me.\u00a0 Here I was making choices that I never planned to make.\u00a0 I really thought that God would never be able to use me again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew about forgiveness; but, I think, I really didn\u2019t understand grace until God began to take me through my own healing.\u00a0 The fact that He would love me, forgive me, and be able to use me in spite of, or even because of, all the things that had happened in the past and the choices I had made was beyond amazing to me.\u00a0 I am so grateful to Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When you got married, your husband knew about your sexual past\u2014the fact that you had been sexually active before marriage.\u00a0 You had actually been married a first time.\u00a0 It was a year or two that you were married to your first husband?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 It was about two years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did your husband understand what all of that meant in terms of what you were bringing into marriage and into the marriage bed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 Neither one of us did.\u00a0 I think\u2014here we have had over 40 years of sexual promiscuity\u2014and the only things that you hear about as consequences are, \u201cYou might get pregnant and what are you going to...\u201d or, \u201cYou might get a STD.\u201d\u00a0 I think that the understanding that we bring all the past with us into marriage was not even a concept to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until about seven years ago that God began to take me through the healing.\u00a0 In fact, we were just coming up to our 23rd anniversary when God began to show me that the struggles we were having in our marriage, emotionally and physically, had to do with my past.\u00a0 It was the first thought of this even being possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As I read your book, I thought, \u201cWe have such a sexually promotional culture today...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We sure do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201con these young people.\u201d\u00a0 It was there when I was a young person but nothing like it is today.\u00a0 We are not talking about any of the consequences.\u00a0 Frankly, as I was reading your book, it made me angry as I thought, \u201cWe are giving over a generation of young people to the messages of the soaps, of movies, of the internet that are promoting sex without consequences\u2014hooking up\u2014just having sex like it is a handshake or something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is so promotional.\u00a0 We are really abusing an entire generation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Media totally glamorizes sex and the free market profits from it in every way, but no one is talking about the damage and the wounds that it causes.\u00a0 That is what I get to do now as God has taken me through healing\u2014now being able to offer that healing to countless other women\u2014and, you know, it ripples into the men\u2019s lives in marriages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHearing the stories of the wounds, the shame, and the pain that women carry for decades and decades and not understanding, \u201cWhy am I still struggling with this?\u201d\u00a0 Women who have been abused or victimized never tell anyone because there is so much shame.\u00a0 They just bury it, and yet they are living with the consequences and struggles every day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was on an airplane recently, and the woman in the seat next to me was reading through the magazine she had brought on the plane.\u00a0 I glanced over, and she was reading the latest issue of <em>Cosmo<\/em>.\u00a0 I just started reading what was on the cover of that latest issue of <em>Cosmo<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That can be dangerous.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I thought to myself, \u201cThis young woman\u2014does she realize what she is feeding on?\u00a0 Is she trying to emulate what the magazine?\u00a0 This magazine is discipling her sexually.\u201d\u00a0 They do it because they know she will buy the magazine if they offer this kind of content.\u00a0 She has no idea what seeds are being sown in her life if she is living out the \u201c<em>Cosmo<\/em> dream.\u201d\u00a0 <em>Cosmo<\/em> is certainly not saying, \u201cHere is what you need to be concerned about if you follow our \u201cprescription for happiness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 There is no consequence.\u00a0 There is so much pressure, I think, on men and women in our culture, to live up to what the media says is, \u201cGreat sex,\u201d or \u201cHow to be sexy,\u201d or \u201cHow to be hot.\u201d\u00a0 I was actually speaking at the UN last week.\u00a0 One of the workshops that was put on by...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wait\u2014you have to explain.\u00a0 You were speaking at the UN?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not to the main session, the delegation; but I came with a group called Women for Life, NGO, which is a non-governmental organization that comes to help educate the delegates as they are writing policy for their countries.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the workshops was put on by Planned Parenthood.\u00a0 They are an organization that is promoting sex amongst young people and trying to sexualize young women.\u00a0 They put out this brochure\u2014they actually had a closed meeting.\u00a0 They wouldn\u2019t allow adults into their meeting; it could only be adolescent girls.\u00a0 They put out this brochure called, \u201cHot, Healthy, and Happy.\u201d\u00a0 It is all about how to experiment sexually, \u201cSex is okay at any age.\u00a0 It is all about you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe pressure in our culture\u2014we bring that into marriage; and we wonder, \u201cWhy are we struggling?\u00a0 Why is this an issue?\u00a0 Why is there so much pain associated with sex?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t9It is not at all what God intended.\u00a0 It perverts our view of what God intended sex to be.\u00a0 We wonder why we are struggling.\u00a0 It is because we are living out of this world view of what sex is.\u00a0 It is so far from what God designed it to be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want you to give us the essence of how sexual involvement outside of marriage damages us and how it impacts us.\u00a0 Before I do that, I want to read a passage.\u00a0 1 Corinthians 6:18\u2014Paul says, \u201cFlee from sexual immorality.\u201d\u00a0 Listen carefully to what he warns.\u00a0 He says, \u201cEvery other sin a person commit is outside the body, but the sexually-immoral person sins against his own body.\u201d\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that an interesting statement?\u00a0 All other sin, he says, is out there; but this is the sin that you carry internally.\u00a0 That really is true, isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Not only are you wounding that other person, but the wounds come back on you.\u00a0 When God talks about becoming one, He talks about that in marriage.\u00a0 Then also in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 6:16 it talks about we become one with a prostitute.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it is more than just saying, \u201cI do,\u201d at the altar and signing the marriage license. God is saying that sexual union is what creates oneness, not only physically, but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.\u00a0 Then even chemically as science is, catching up to where God has always been, and finding out that we really create this amazing bond.\u00a0 God designed our brains to release chemicals and hormones\u2014oxytocin in particular\u2014the hormone that creates this relational bond.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere we are\u2014in a sense in this culture\u2014every time we have sex with someone and move on, we have really just experienced marriage\u2014that one-flesh marriage and now we are divorcing when we break up.\u00a0 No wonder there are so many wounds.\u00a0 With oxytocin, even, some of the signs are showing when you have sex with someone and then move on to someone new, you actually release a little less oxytocin with each relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are inhibiting our ability to bond in relationships with each successive partner.\u00a0 No wonder when we have had sex in our past, we get married and wonder, \u201cWhy am I not feeling as attached to my husband?\u00a0 Why is it creating emotional distance?\u201d\u00a0 It is because we are not releasing as much oxytocin.\u00a0 All of those past bonds have impacted that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Your first book which was called <em>The Invisible Bond<\/em> talks about this process of bonding and how that happens in a sexual relationship.\u00a0 The second book\u2014<em>Kiss Me Again\u2014<\/em>What was the purpose in following up the first book with this one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The first book came out really as my story as God was teaching me about bonding and the healing journey that He took me through.\u00a0 After that book, the women\u2019s pastor at our church asked me if I would start a Bible study for sexual healing for our women.\u00a0 When I talk about sexual healing, we are looking at not only abuse and trauma as in rape or forced sex, but also in our own choices.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started this Bible study; I actually wrote the Bible study for that.\u00a0 I began to leads hundreds and hundreds of women through sexual healing the last few years.\u00a0 That is when God began to show me more specifically how sex from the past was impacting sex in marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe common element of these women who were in my study, who were married, had all had sex in their past.\u00a0 It was impacting their emotional and physical intimacy in their marriage\u2014their desire for sex, their desire for their husbands.\u00a0 Many of them hadn\u2019t had sex in years in their marriage.\u00a0 Yet, they loved their husbands.\u00a0 They felt bad that they didn\u2019t enjoy sex more.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t know why they were struggling with this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Are you saying literally had not had sex for years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>With a husband they love?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is a new brand of marriage that has been talked about a great deal\u2014called the sexless marriage.\u00a0 How prominent is that, even within Christian circles?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Very prominent.\u00a0 I just talked to someone last week who is an amazing woman of God and just sharing their struggles in intimacy.\u00a0 They hadn\u2019t had sex in months and months.\u00a0 Yes, it is very prevalent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Pardon me for interrupting here.\u00a0 You believe it is because of past sexual involvement that couples have brought into the marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is what God has revealed to me, not only in my own life.\u00a0 When I started going through healing, God showed me that, especially my first sexual encounter, and then some of the others that I had, had totally given me a negative association with sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy first encounter was with someone I really loved.\u00a0 We were making out for many months.\u00a0 Then all of a sudden, he decides, \u201cIt is time to have sex.\u201d\u00a0 We never talked about.\u00a0 It was something\u2014all of a sudden we were having sex and I felt out of control.\u00a0 I felt humiliated.\u00a0 I felt there was this great sense of loss, \u201cI was going to save sex for marriage.\u201d\u00a0 All of a sudden, I had all these negative associations with sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod began to show me my view of sex was so warped from my past.\u00a0 I brought that into my marriage.\u00a0 That is how I saw sex in marriage.\u00a0 It was humiliating.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t associate it with love.\u00a0 I thought my husband was like all the other guys who had used me in my past.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod had to start showing me those were the wounds that I brought in.\u00a0 I needed reverse with His Truth in healing those wounds.\u00a0 Then when that happened, all of that was gone.\u00a0 It was like all those negative associations were gone so it totally changed my view of sex\u2014my view of my husband.\u00a0 It made me feel more loved and close to my husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt changed my view of sex so that I wasn\u2019t trying to avoid sex all the time in my marriage.\u00a0 It has totally changed our marriage.\u00a0 It has totally brought life back into our marriage.\u00a0 It was so awesome to know that, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not a messed-up person.\u00a0 There was really a reason for this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I began to learn about the brain in sex\u2014okay, as you are releasing oxytocin, it creates trust in the relationship; it reduces fear and anxiety.\u00a0 If you have had negative experiences in your past, either abuse or your own choices, and you no longer are releasing as much oxytocin, what happens is, it creates more distrust, more fear and more anxiety in relationships.\u00a0 As women, we shut down emotionally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of that will impact our ability to be able to give ourselves sexually to our husbands.\u00a0 I was seeing this correlation, not only in my own life, but now in countless other women I have been working with.\u00a0 The same thing was happening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to talk more about this, but I want to bring some hope because you just shared that there was a transformation that occurred in you\u2014one of the first places you started to experience the grace of God.\u00a0 That is how we started this broadcast.\u00a0 I said I was reminded of that passage, \u201cI am who I am by the grace of God,\u201d his forgiveness.\u00a0 The shame is put away in those circumstances.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou began with a fierce inventory of all your sexual involvement.\u00a0 That is pretty broad today, given what young women are experiencing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you want to comment on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That was one of the steps that God used in my life.\u00a0 One of the steps in the book is asking God to show you everyone you have created a sexual bond with.\u00a0 What is interesting with that, in our culture today, we think that just intercourse is sex.\u00a0 In fact, I just read this in a survey\u201495 percent of people think that sex is only intercourse.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get all these women going, \u201cWell, I haven\u2019t had intercourse.\u00a0 I thought I was a virgin when I got married.\u201d\u00a0 Yet, they have done everything else.\u00a0 It might be with people that you didn\u2019t necessarily have sex all the way with, or mental images, pornography, all of those things that we can create a sexual bond with that we wouldn\u2019t even think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Even romance novels.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\u00a0 In fact, graphic, explicit romance novels are kind of a women\u2019s pornography, so to speak\u2014images in the mind.\u00a0 I did that.\u00a0 God will bring to mind people, events, faces\u2014it is amazing how we can try to stuff them away; but when we really bring it God, He will bring it to mind.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just started writing down names if I knew them.\u00a0 If I didn\u2019t know names, I just remembered the events.\u00a0 God led me through a prayer of severing, asking Him to sever that bond.\u00a0 I really believe that the Bible is clear about how God is the One who joins us together and creates this spiritual bond just like when we become one with Him.\u00a0 That is why He says it is such a mystery\u2014this oneness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think it is just a physical thing; but it is so much more.\u00a0 I really believe God is the only One who can completely separate those bonds that we have created.\u00a0 That is one of the steps that God used in a significant way to begin my healing.\u00a0 It was part of the healing process, but it was a significant step.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One other area I just want to mention because these are areas parents need to be aware of\u2014this whole hooking-up culture that we are in.\u00a0 You actually had a quote from, I believe, a young lady who said that holding hands was more of a public demonstration of love and commitment than private intercourse was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Like having sex with somebody is less intimate.\u00a0 They are more willing to do that than to actually walk sober on campus, holding someone\u2019s hand.\u00a0 That creates a greater sense of commitment and intimacy than just having sex with them the night before.\u00a0 Hooking up means, \u201cI don\u2019t even want to know your name.\u00a0 There is no commitment at all.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wait a second.\u00a0 They are saying they don\u2019t even want to know your name?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 That is what hooking up is.\u00a0 It can be any form of sex.\u00a0 Seriously, there is no commitment.\u00a0 Girls think\u2014they are hoping there is going to be some commitment\u2014but basically, you will see that person the next day on campus and they will act like they don\u2019t even know you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what I want the moms and dads to hear as you raise your daughters and your sons.\u00a0 We have moved from a sexual promotional culture to now adding the dimension of sexual abuse at levels we never thought we could ever imagine in this culture.\u00a0 What we have to do with our sons and daughters is\u2014we can\u2019t go somewhere in Montana and live, and just pull the blinds down in the house, and try to run it away from it all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are in America; and it is there because of TV, media, internet, etc.\u00a0 We have to do a good job of protecting our children and also educating them of the dangers.\u00a0 Back to what I read in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 6\u2014this is a sin that you do carry with you the rest of your life\u2014into your marriage.\u00a0 This is really one of the great tragedies that I believe is happening among our youth today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Mom and Dad may also be experiencing some challenges of their own in their own relationship with one another that they don\u2019t understand why they have these problems and never thought that they would and don\u2019t know how to talk to anybody about them.\u00a0 They stay silent, suffer, and are frustrated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think if they get a copy of your book <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>, and start to read it\u2014maybe read it together\u2014although it is probably going to be one person reading it first and then saying, \u201cYou know, maybe we ought to go through this together.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe there are issues that involve both of them or maybe they both have a past history.\u00a0 Again, I think you have provided a great help for folks who really want to deal with the issue of past sexual sin once and for all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book we are talking about is <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em> by our guest Barbara Wilson.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get a copy of the book.\u00a0 Again, it is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have in our FamilyLifeResource Center Barbara\u2019s book called<em> The Invisible Bond <\/em>that helps people understand why your past sin has power over present relationships.\u00a0 Again, information on both books can be found online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The website is FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY (1-800-358-6329).\u00a0 That is 1-800 F as in \u201cFamily\u201d L as in \u201cLife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, someone on the team can let you know how you can get either or both of Barbara\u2019s books sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a minute and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those folks who not only listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> but to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Most of the programs you hear on the station\u2014like <em>FamilyLife Today\u2014<\/em>we are all listener-supported.\u00a0 When you hear a program, you listen for a while, and God uses that program in your life, we are hoping that you will consider helping support the ministry by making a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is those donations that make it possible for us to continue on with this station.\u00a0 We know for some of you finances are tough.\u00a0 Even thinking about making a $10-donation just seems out of the question right now.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to put any pressure on anybody; but we do hope that those of you who could send $10, $20, $50, or $100 to help support the ministry\u2014we are hoping you will consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com and making a donation or call \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800-FL-TODAY and help support the ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you do this month, we would like to send you a copy of a book by Truett Cathy\u2014a book called <em>It Is Better to Build Boys than Mend Men<\/em>.\u00a0 If you would like to get a copy of that book, as a thank-you gift for your donation, just type the word, \u201cBOYS,\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for a copy of the book on building boys.\u00a0 Again, we are happy to send it out to you, and we so much appreciate whatever you are able to do in support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We really appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you will be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Barbara Wilson is going to be here.\u00a0 We are going to continue talking about sexual sin in the past and how we deal with that.\u00a0 Tomorrow we are going to talk about what real repentance looks like and why it is so important.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.48M"],"filesize_raw":["24623722"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302061.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302061.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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your sexual past still haunting you today?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-06-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>My view of sex was so warped from my past.\u00a0 I brought that into my marriage.\u00a0 I thought my husband was like all the other guys who had used me in my past.\u00a0 God had to start showing me those were the wounds that I brought in.\u00a0 I needed reverse with His Truth in healing those wounds.\u00a0 Then when that happened, all of that was gone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like all those negative associations were gone so it totally changed my view of sex\u2014my view of my husband.\u00a0 It has totally changed our marriage.\u00a0 It has totally brought life back into our marriage.\u00a0 It was so awesome to know that, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not a messed-up person.\u00a0 There was really a reason for this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, June 21st.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about how we can renew our minds around the subject of marriage, intimacy, and sexuality.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; thanks for joining us.\u00a0 As a part of a project that we are working on here at <em>FamilyLife, <\/em>I\u2019ve had the opportunity to visit with a number of folks over the last several weeks talking about husbands and wives and their struggle in the area of their relationship as it relates to intimacy.\u00a0 One of the questions I have asked, \u201cWhy do you think it is so many couples are struggling in this area?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Talking about sexual intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 The response I get, almost universally, is when you come to the marriage bed as couples do today with background scars, experience, sin\u2014as a part of that package\u2014you walk into something that you already have to do some repair work on at the moment that you get married.\u00a0 That is the condition in which most people find themselves as they begin their married life together.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are exactly right, Bob.\u00a0 In fact, as I was reading the book we are going to be talking about today, <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em> by Barbara Wilson, I just thought, \u201cWhat an age that we live in today that this subject needs to be addressed so thoroughly that it demands a book and several broadcasts.\u201d\u00a0 Unfortunately, it does.\u00a0 It needs a thorough, biblical explanation for how to handle sexual sins of the past, sexual abuse, or perhaps people who have been victimized by just sexual experiences growing up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think our guest on today\u2019s broadcast does a great job doing that.\u00a0 In fact, I just want to begin the broadcast with a verse because as Barbara shares in her book, she is quite honest about her own experiences in her own past.\u00a0 I am just grateful that honesty and transparency is there.\u00a0 In \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 15:10 Paul writes, \u201cBut by the grace of God, I am what I am.\u00a0 His grace toward me was not in vain.\u201d\u00a0 Barbara, that really is a great statement of your life, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That you made some mistakes growing up, but the grace of God that came to you and the forgiveness that you experienced was not in vain.\u00a0 In fact, you not only experienced that grace, you have passed it on to others as well.\u00a0 I want to welcome you to the broadcast.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you so much.\u00a0 It is so great to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara is speaker and author of the book <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>, as I mentioned earlier.\u00a0 She lives in Sacramento, California.\u00a0 She, along with her husband Eric, has been married since 1981.\u00a0 I just want to begin with a quote from your book, Barbara, and have you comment on it.\u00a0 You say, \u201cWhen wives say, \u2018No\u2019 to sex now, it is because they said, \u2018Yes,\u2019 earlier.\u201d\u00a0 Would you explain what you mean to our listeners around that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That was something that God began to show me because sex can be such a struggle in marriage anyway, even if you save sex for marriage.\u00a0 You have to learn and grow.\u00a0 There are all these changing dynamics.\u00a0 It can be complicated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs God began to show me and teach me about what it means to become one flesh, I began to realize that the bonds I created outside of marriage were what impacted my emotional and physical intimacy in marriage.\u00a0 Even though other things were coming in the way of sexual intimacy in marriage, this was a huge thing.\u00a0 This was the\u201d big elephant in the room\u201d that I was never even aware of.\u00a0 All of a sudden, God began to show me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It took a lot of courage for you to share your own mistakes in the past, but you did that so you could help others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, here I was\u2014I was born and raised in a Christian home\u2014my dad was a Baptist pastor.\u00a0 I gave my heart to Jesus when I was seven.\u00a0 I was going to serve Him with my whole life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I started making mistakes\u2014at the time\u2014nobody was talking to us about sex.\u00a0 So even though I knew I was supposed to save sex for marriage, I didn\u2019t know how to do it.\u00a0 It kind of snuck up on me.\u00a0 Here I was making choices that I never planned to make.\u00a0 I really thought that God would never be able to use me again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI knew about forgiveness; but, I think, I really didn\u2019t understand grace until God began to take me through my own healing.\u00a0 The fact that He would love me, forgive me, and be able to use me in spite of, or even because of, all the things that had happened in the past and the choices I had made was beyond amazing to me.\u00a0 I am so grateful to Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When you got married, your husband knew about your sexual past\u2014the fact that you had been sexually active before marriage.\u00a0 You had actually been married a first time.\u00a0 It was a year or two that you were married to your first husband?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 It was about two years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did your husband understand what all of that meant in terms of what you were bringing into marriage and into the marriage bed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 Neither one of us did.\u00a0 I think\u2014here we have had over 40 years of sexual promiscuity\u2014and the only things that you hear about as consequences are, \u201cYou might get pregnant and what are you going to...\u201d or, \u201cYou might get a STD.\u201d\u00a0 I think that the understanding that we bring all the past with us into marriage was not even a concept to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until about seven years ago that God began to take me through the healing.\u00a0 In fact, we were just coming up to our 23rd anniversary when God began to show me that the struggles we were having in our marriage, emotionally and physically, had to do with my past.\u00a0 It was the first thought of this even being possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As I read your book, I thought, \u201cWe have such a sexually promotional culture today...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We sure do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201con these young people.\u201d\u00a0 It was there when I was a young person but nothing like it is today.\u00a0 We are not talking about any of the consequences.\u00a0 Frankly, as I was reading your book, it made me angry as I thought, \u201cWe are giving over a generation of young people to the messages of the soaps, of movies, of the internet that are promoting sex without consequences\u2014hooking up\u2014just having sex like it is a handshake or something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is so promotional.\u00a0 We are really abusing an entire generation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Media totally glamorizes sex and the free market profits from it in every way, but no one is talking about the damage and the wounds that it causes.\u00a0 That is what I get to do now as God has taken me through healing\u2014now being able to offer that healing to countless other women\u2014and, you know, it ripples into the men\u2019s lives in marriages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHearing the stories of the wounds, the shame, and the pain that women carry for decades and decades and not understanding, \u201cWhy am I still struggling with this?\u201d\u00a0 Women who have been abused or victimized never tell anyone because there is so much shame.\u00a0 They just bury it, and yet they are living with the consequences and struggles every day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was on an airplane recently, and the woman in the seat next to me was reading through the magazine she had brought on the plane.\u00a0 I glanced over, and she was reading the latest issue of <em>Cosmo<\/em>.\u00a0 I just started reading what was on the cover of that latest issue of <em>Cosmo<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That can be dangerous.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I thought to myself, \u201cThis young woman\u2014does she realize what she is feeding on?\u00a0 Is she trying to emulate what the magazine?\u00a0 This magazine is discipling her sexually.\u201d\u00a0 They do it because they know she will buy the magazine if they offer this kind of content.\u00a0 She has no idea what seeds are being sown in her life if she is living out the \u201c<em>Cosmo<\/em> dream.\u201d\u00a0 <em>Cosmo<\/em> is certainly not saying, \u201cHere is what you need to be concerned about if you follow our \u201cprescription for happiness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 There is no consequence.\u00a0 There is so much pressure, I think, on men and women in our culture, to live up to what the media says is, \u201cGreat sex,\u201d or \u201cHow to be sexy,\u201d or \u201cHow to be hot.\u201d\u00a0 I was actually speaking at the UN last week.\u00a0 One of the workshops that was put on by...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wait\u2014you have to explain.\u00a0 You were speaking at the UN?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not to the main session, the delegation; but I came with a group called Women for Life, NGO, which is a non-governmental organization that comes to help educate the delegates as they are writing policy for their countries.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the workshops was put on by Planned Parenthood.\u00a0 They are an organization that is promoting sex amongst young people and trying to sexualize young women.\u00a0 They put out this brochure\u2014they actually had a closed meeting.\u00a0 They wouldn\u2019t allow adults into their meeting; it could only be adolescent girls.\u00a0 They put out this brochure called, \u201cHot, Healthy, and Happy.\u201d\u00a0 It is all about how to experiment sexually, \u201cSex is okay at any age.\u00a0 It is all about you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe pressure in our culture\u2014we bring that into marriage; and we wonder, \u201cWhy are we struggling?\u00a0 Why is this an issue?\u00a0 Why is there so much pain associated with sex?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t9It is not at all what God intended.\u00a0 It perverts our view of what God intended sex to be.\u00a0 We wonder why we are struggling.\u00a0 It is because we are living out of this world view of what sex is.\u00a0 It is so far from what God designed it to be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want you to give us the essence of how sexual involvement outside of marriage damages us and how it impacts us.\u00a0 Before I do that, I want to read a passage.\u00a0 1 Corinthians 6:18\u2014Paul says, \u201cFlee from sexual immorality.\u201d\u00a0 Listen carefully to what he warns.\u00a0 He says, \u201cEvery other sin a person commit is outside the body, but the sexually-immoral person sins against his own body.\u201d\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that an interesting statement?\u00a0 All other sin, he says, is out there; but this is the sin that you carry internally.\u00a0 That really is true, isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Not only are you wounding that other person, but the wounds come back on you.\u00a0 When God talks about becoming one, He talks about that in marriage.\u00a0 Then also in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 6:16 it talks about we become one with a prostitute.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it is more than just saying, \u201cI do,\u201d at the altar and signing the marriage license. God is saying that sexual union is what creates oneness, not only physically, but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.\u00a0 Then even chemically as science is, catching up to where God has always been, and finding out that we really create this amazing bond.\u00a0 God designed our brains to release chemicals and hormones\u2014oxytocin in particular\u2014the hormone that creates this relational bond.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere we are\u2014in a sense in this culture\u2014every time we have sex with someone and move on, we have really just experienced marriage\u2014that one-flesh marriage and now we are divorcing when we break up.\u00a0 No wonder there are so many wounds.\u00a0 With oxytocin, even, some of the signs are showing when you have sex with someone and then move on to someone new, you actually release a little less oxytocin with each relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are inhibiting our ability to bond in relationships with each successive partner.\u00a0 No wonder when we have had sex in our past, we get married and wonder, \u201cWhy am I not feeling as attached to my husband?\u00a0 Why is it creating emotional distance?\u201d\u00a0 It is because we are not releasing as much oxytocin.\u00a0 All of those past bonds have impacted that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Your first book which was called <em>The Invisible Bond<\/em> talks about this process of bonding and how that happens in a sexual relationship.\u00a0 The second book\u2014<em>Kiss Me Again\u2014<\/em>What was the purpose in following up the first book with this one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The first book came out really as my story as God was teaching me about bonding and the healing journey that He took me through.\u00a0 After that book, the women\u2019s pastor at our church asked me if I would start a Bible study for sexual healing for our women.\u00a0 When I talk about sexual healing, we are looking at not only abuse and trauma as in rape or forced sex, but also in our own choices.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started this Bible study; I actually wrote the Bible study for that.\u00a0 I began to leads hundreds and hundreds of women through sexual healing the last few years.\u00a0 That is when God began to show me more specifically how sex from the past was impacting sex in marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe common element of these women who were in my study, who were married, had all had sex in their past.\u00a0 It was impacting their emotional and physical intimacy in their marriage\u2014their desire for sex, their desire for their husbands.\u00a0 Many of them hadn\u2019t had sex in years in their marriage.\u00a0 Yet, they loved their husbands.\u00a0 They felt bad that they didn\u2019t enjoy sex more.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t know why they were struggling with this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Are you saying literally had not had sex for years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>With a husband they love?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is a new brand of marriage that has been talked about a great deal\u2014called the sexless marriage.\u00a0 How prominent is that, even within Christian circles?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Very prominent.\u00a0 I just talked to someone last week who is an amazing woman of God and just sharing their struggles in intimacy.\u00a0 They hadn\u2019t had sex in months and months.\u00a0 Yes, it is very prevalent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Pardon me for interrupting here.\u00a0 You believe it is because of past sexual involvement that couples have brought into the marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is what God has revealed to me, not only in my own life.\u00a0 When I started going through healing, God showed me that, especially my first sexual encounter, and then some of the others that I had, had totally given me a negative association with sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy first encounter was with someone I really loved.\u00a0 We were making out for many months.\u00a0 Then all of a sudden, he decides, \u201cIt is time to have sex.\u201d\u00a0 We never talked about.\u00a0 It was something\u2014all of a sudden we were having sex and I felt out of control.\u00a0 I felt humiliated.\u00a0 I felt there was this great sense of loss, \u201cI was going to save sex for marriage.\u201d\u00a0 All of a sudden, I had all these negative associations with sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod began to show me my view of sex was so warped from my past.\u00a0 I brought that into my marriage.\u00a0 That is how I saw sex in marriage.\u00a0 It was humiliating.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t associate it with love.\u00a0 I thought my husband was like all the other guys who had used me in my past.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod had to start showing me those were the wounds that I brought in.\u00a0 I needed reverse with His Truth in healing those wounds.\u00a0 Then when that happened, all of that was gone.\u00a0 It was like all those negative associations were gone so it totally changed my view of sex\u2014my view of my husband.\u00a0 It made me feel more loved and close to my husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt changed my view of sex so that I wasn\u2019t trying to avoid sex all the time in my marriage.\u00a0 It has totally changed our marriage.\u00a0 It has totally brought life back into our marriage.\u00a0 It was so awesome to know that, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m not a messed-up person.\u00a0 There was really a reason for this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I began to learn about the brain in sex\u2014okay, as you are releasing oxytocin, it creates trust in the relationship; it reduces fear and anxiety.\u00a0 If you have had negative experiences in your past, either abuse or your own choices, and you no longer are releasing as much oxytocin, what happens is, it creates more distrust, more fear and more anxiety in relationships.\u00a0 As women, we shut down emotionally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of that will impact our ability to be able to give ourselves sexually to our husbands.\u00a0 I was seeing this correlation, not only in my own life, but now in countless other women I have been working with.\u00a0 The same thing was happening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to talk more about this, but I want to bring some hope because you just shared that there was a transformation that occurred in you\u2014one of the first places you started to experience the grace of God.\u00a0 That is how we started this broadcast.\u00a0 I said I was reminded of that passage, \u201cI am who I am by the grace of God,\u201d his forgiveness.\u00a0 The shame is put away in those circumstances.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou began with a fierce inventory of all your sexual involvement.\u00a0 That is pretty broad today, given what young women are experiencing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you want to comment on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That was one of the steps that God used in my life.\u00a0 One of the steps in the book is asking God to show you everyone you have created a sexual bond with.\u00a0 What is interesting with that, in our culture today, we think that just intercourse is sex.\u00a0 In fact, I just read this in a survey\u201495 percent of people think that sex is only intercourse.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get all these women going, \u201cWell, I haven\u2019t had intercourse.\u00a0 I thought I was a virgin when I got married.\u201d\u00a0 Yet, they have done everything else.\u00a0 It might be with people that you didn\u2019t necessarily have sex all the way with, or mental images, pornography, all of those things that we can create a sexual bond with that we wouldn\u2019t even think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Even romance novels.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\u00a0 In fact, graphic, explicit romance novels are kind of a women\u2019s pornography, so to speak\u2014images in the mind.\u00a0 I did that.\u00a0 God will bring to mind people, events, faces\u2014it is amazing how we can try to stuff them away; but when we really bring it God, He will bring it to mind.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just started writing down names if I knew them.\u00a0 If I didn\u2019t know names, I just remembered the events.\u00a0 God led me through a prayer of severing, asking Him to sever that bond.\u00a0 I really believe that the Bible is clear about how God is the One who joins us together and creates this spiritual bond just like when we become one with Him.\u00a0 That is why He says it is such a mystery\u2014this oneness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think it is just a physical thing; but it is so much more.\u00a0 I really believe God is the only One who can completely separate those bonds that we have created.\u00a0 That is one of the steps that God used in a significant way to begin my healing.\u00a0 It was part of the healing process, but it was a significant step.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One other area I just want to mention because these are areas parents need to be aware of\u2014this whole hooking-up culture that we are in.\u00a0 You actually had a quote from, I believe, a young lady who said that holding hands was more of a public demonstration of love and commitment than private intercourse was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Like having sex with somebody is less intimate.\u00a0 They are more willing to do that than to actually walk sober on campus, holding someone\u2019s hand.\u00a0 That creates a greater sense of commitment and intimacy than just having sex with them the night before.\u00a0 Hooking up means, \u201cI don\u2019t even want to know your name.\u00a0 There is no commitment at all.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wait a second.\u00a0 They are saying they don\u2019t even want to know your name?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 That is what hooking up is.\u00a0 It can be any form of sex.\u00a0 Seriously, there is no commitment.\u00a0 Girls think\u2014they are hoping there is going to be some commitment\u2014but basically, you will see that person the next day on campus and they will act like they don\u2019t even know you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what I want the moms and dads to hear as you raise your daughters and your sons.\u00a0 We have moved from a sexual promotional culture to now adding the dimension of sexual abuse at levels we never thought we could ever imagine in this culture.\u00a0 What we have to do with our sons and daughters is\u2014we can\u2019t go somewhere in Montana and live, and just pull the blinds down in the house, and try to run it away from it all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are in America; and it is there because of TV, media, internet, etc.\u00a0 We have to do a good job of protecting our children and also educating them of the dangers.\u00a0 Back to what I read in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 6\u2014this is a sin that you do carry with you the rest of your life\u2014into your marriage.\u00a0 This is really one of the great tragedies that I believe is happening among our youth today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Mom and Dad may also be experiencing some challenges of their own in their own relationship with one another that they don\u2019t understand why they have these problems and never thought that they would and don\u2019t know how to talk to anybody about them.\u00a0 They stay silent, suffer, and are frustrated.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think if they get a copy of your book <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em>, and start to read it\u2014maybe read it together\u2014although it is probably going to be one person reading it first and then saying, \u201cYou know, maybe we ought to go through this together.\u201d\u00a0 Maybe there are issues that involve both of them or maybe they both have a past history.\u00a0 Again, I think you have provided a great help for folks who really want to deal with the issue of past sexual sin once and for all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book we are talking about is <em>Kiss Me Again<\/em> by our guest Barbara Wilson.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to get a copy of the book.\u00a0 Again, it is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have in our FamilyLifeResource Center Barbara\u2019s book called<em> The Invisible Bond <\/em>that helps people understand why your past sin has power over present relationships.\u00a0 Again, information on both books can be found online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The website is FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY (1-800-358-6329).\u00a0 That is 1-800 F as in \u201cFamily\u201d L as in \u201cLife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us, someone on the team can let you know how you can get either or both of Barbara\u2019s books sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a minute and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those folks who not only listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> but to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Most of the programs you hear on the station\u2014like <em>FamilyLife Today\u2014<\/em>we are all listener-supported.\u00a0 When you hear a program, you listen for a while, and God uses that program in your life, we are hoping that you will consider helping support the ministry by making a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is those donations that make it possible for us to continue on with this station.\u00a0 We know for some of you finances are tough.\u00a0 Even thinking about making a $10-donation just seems out of the question right now.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to put any pressure on anybody; but we do hope that those of you who could send $10, $20, $50, or $100 to help support the ministry\u2014we are hoping you will consider going to FamilyLifeToday.com and making a donation or call \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800-FL-TODAY and help support the ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you do this month, we would like to send you a copy of a book by Truett Cathy\u2014a book called <em>It Is Better to Build Boys than Mend Men<\/em>.\u00a0 If you would like to get a copy of that book, as a thank-you gift for your donation, just type the word, \u201cBOYS,\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for a copy of the book on building boys.\u00a0 Again, we are happy to send it out to you, and we so much appreciate whatever you are able to do in support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We really appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you will be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Barbara Wilson is going to be here.\u00a0 We are going to continue talking about sexual sin in the past and how we deal with that.\u00a0 Tomorrow we are going to talk about what real repentance looks like and why it is so important.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302061","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302061"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302061"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302061"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302061"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302061"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302061"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302061"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}