{"id":302040,"date":"2010-05-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-all-important-image\/"},"modified":"2010-05-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-05-18T15:00:00","slug":"the-all-important-image","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-all-important-image\/","title":{"rendered":"The All Important Image"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>To a teen, appearance is everything.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.26M","filesize_raw":"22291441","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2870],"tags":[4928,4954,4953,2588,4817],"podcast_series":[7727],"cwp_profile":[9197],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302040","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tweens","tag-high-school","tag-junior-high","tag-middle-school","tag-teens","tag-tweens","podcast_series-season-of-change","cwp_profile-rebecca-ingram-powell","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302040\/the-all-important-image","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302040\/the-all-important-image","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"edMXoU7w15\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-all-important-image\/\">The All Important Image<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-all-important-image\/embed\/#?secret=edMXoU7w15\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The All Important Image&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"edMXoU7w15\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2026and Mimi\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes! Whatever Mimi is, okay? You\u2019re really not raising an emotionally and spiritually mature child because ultimately you must raise a child who by the time they\u2019re 17, 18, 19 somewhere in there they are learning to put their own faith in Christ. Make their own decisions. Be responsible and take care of themselves when mom and dad aren\u2019t there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is the challenge.\u00a0 If there developing that sense of independence which is good and right and healthy, they need to be their own person.\u00a0 Is that being influenced more by the crowd? We\u2019ve talked about that already this week.\u00a0 That there is such a peer influence that their sense of self is now determined by what their peer group is saying about them rather than what mom and dad have affirmed about them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the areas where this shows up big time is in the area of appearance.\u00a0 You asked me this week about middle school memories and the first thing I came up with was an appearance memory. Was the polka dot shirt that I wore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Some of our listeners are still emotionally scarred by that polka dot\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> ...With that visual image!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Thinking of you in that polka dot shirt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Appearance for girls particularly but for boys as well, this is a part of defining your style, your brand, who you are, isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 You know, what\u2019s interesting because we talked about yesterday my Nike shoes that I wanted when\u00a0 my mom read the manuscript from my book and she came clean with a confession of her own and she said she hadn\u2019t even realized how important those shoes were to me.\u00a0 She was like\u2026 my mom is so precious, she said\u201d well, we would have gotten you those shoes before Christmas!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was like, well it\u2019s okay mom. It\u2019s okay now but she had told me when she had been a teenager there was a beautiful raspberry sweater and a navy blue skirt that was in a store window that she pined away for thinking that that would change her life. It is age old for us females.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your not saying that a parent\u2019s responsibility is to be alert to what fashion accessory are going to keep you with the in crowd then to make sure your kids have got them, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh no. No but it is important to be involved and to know, of course, what your kids are experiencing.\u00a0 Today\u2019s girls are looking at\u2026 I mean I had Marcia Brady for a role model.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When I watch the Brady Bunch today in reruns I am aghast at how short their skirts were!\u00a0 I mean, they were shorter than some of the things that girls wear today, super short.\u00a0 So, I know that when moms are watching with their kids like Disney Channel or something like that.\u00a0 You have got to look at what those girls are wearing and say \u201cOkay, if I would not let my child wear those clothes why are we spending so much time watching these programs.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes but Rebecca it\u2019s not just the Disney Channel that are kids are watching.\u00a0 Our daughters are being influenced by their peer group that are watching MTV and that are texting all kinds of stuff back and forth to one another on their cell phones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The fashion magazines have got unbelievable stuff\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Unbelievable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, tell us how you navigated the issue of modesty with your daughter during these impressionable years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, my daughter is a beautiful girl.\u00a0 She has always been very conscience about the way that she dresses so from a personal view point that is one thing that I have really not had to make a big deal with my own daughter about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You\u2019re talking about modesty at this point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am talking about modesty.\u00a0 What we have done many times is talked with her friends.\u00a0 She has had to rake a stand with her friends to explain why she chooses to dress the way that she does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have to have had some influence in her making those choices in the middle school and senior high years.\u00a0 There had to be something\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2026 you guys were doing to help reinforce what appropriate clothing ought to look like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Where we have always gone is to the word of God and to our children\u2019s hearts and saying \u201cOkay, your body is really not for you and it\u2019s definitely not for all these people around you but it is for your future spouse.\u201d So, in saying that God has given you this gift then we need to be very careful what we expose and how much we let other people see.\u00a0 We have always gone at from this is a heart issue and I learned early on from an abstinence teacher that I heard speak on it one time Marilynn Morris. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There are three reasons why a girl would choose to dress immodestly. The first one is that she just doesn\u2019t know.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t understand what her body and the exposure of her body does to a male. No one has ever taken the time to teach her.\u00a0 The second thing is that the reason she is dressing that way is that she is a tease.\u00a0 She knows what she is doing.\u00a0 She knows she is getting guys attention.\u00a0 She knows that she is causing them to have sexual thoughts about her and she is okay with that because she is not going to let them do anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, there is something in her little heart that hungers for that kind of attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right, for that attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Then the third reason that a girl would dress immodestly would be to say I am available.\u00a0 So, with my daughter early on I said\u201d Here is what you\u2019re saying to boys and here is what they\u2019re thinking, even the godly Christian guy. It\u2019s the way they\u2019re wired.\u00a0 They don\u2019t mean to, they don\u2019t want to. You know a Christian boy isn\u2019t even going to hang around you if you dress that way because he doesn\u2019t want to be tempted.\u00a0 So, here is the way you need to dress.\u201d<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She got it<strong>.<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now wait, Rebecca.\u00a0 Now wait.\u00a0 You have got to tell me that you\u2019ve never had a run in with your preteen or early teenage daughter around modest dress all the way through junior high and high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 I haven\u2019t, so do we want to talk about something else?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 No, but there are a lot of moms who want you to come to their house and have whatever the magic rub off.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Could your daughter come and\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s who you need to have on the show!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, mentor to my daughter because we have a ton of moms who are listening right now and are going\u201d This is numero uno issue!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What are they going to wear to school every day and then on the weekends? Unbelievably, what are they going to wear to church?\u00a0 I mean it\u2019s a battle!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is.\u00a0 It is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know?\u00a0 Your fortunate God gave you a child who got it quickly and didn\u2019t need to test the limits.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It goes back to that heart relationship that my daughter has with the Lord.\u00a0 Now you know, everybody makes choices and decisions and I am not going to say she is always going to be that way.\u00a0 I pray she always is very close to the Lord.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s critical that our kids understand that it\u2019s about them and Jesus and that\u2019s who they answer to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s what\u2019s driving her choices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly!\u00a0 Even with boys, my youngest the other day when we went to go get a pair of jeans for him.\u00a0 The jeans were designed in such a way that they had a bandana hanging out of the back pocket.\u00a0 Well now, we minister to an inner city church and I said\u201d that looks funny there is that a new style?\u201d\u00a0 My son informed me\u201d well, that\u2019s how the guys in gangs wear their jeans. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat reflects what their color is.\u201d\u00a0 So, we didn\u2019t buy the jeans.\u00a0 I could have bought them and taken that out but to me and my son and I discussed it, if we did that we\u2019d be telling manufacturer who wouldn\u2019t know that we altered the jeans at home that that was a good style.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have a kid who has actually been a part of our church who is now in Juvenile for getting involved in a gang.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to support that.\u00a0 So, for boys too what they wear says something about who they are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Talk a little bit about that because whenever we get into the subject particularly about modesty or appearance it does kind of seem to separate into girls need to do this so that boys will be okay.\u00a0 But it is both a boy issue and a girl issue.\u00a0 What we\u2019re wearing and how to respond to what other people are wearing. If you\u2019re raising a preteen boy, what kind of heart issues are you trying to address with that young man about the choices he is going to make in what he wears?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>On what he is wearing or what he is looking at?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s talk about what he is wearing first and then what he\u2019s looking at beyond that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think for boys, they have it so much easier than girls because their styles are jeans and t-shirts. Girls we just have total fashion psycho with all the different choices for us.\u00a0 Young men a lot of times will wear t-shirts with different slogans and things on them or endorsing certain companies that they might just think is cool but again it\u2019s saying something about who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, they need to be careful with what they wear, like different bands.\u00a0 I have talked to some boys before about \u201cWhy are you wearing that bands name on your body?\u00a0 You\u2019re displaying that when you wear that.\u00a0 People are going to think your okay with that band?\u201d \u201cWell it was the only thing clean\u201d\u201d Well but then don\u2019t wear that!\u00a0 You are endorsing it.\u00a0 You are saying I approve of this band.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 When a young man does see girls some of them are dressed really cute.\u00a0 I mean you see those girls and there are the cute girls and then there are the kind of doughty looking girls and your kind of more attractive to the cute ones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 I have two boys 15 and 12 and my fifteen year old and I have had a lot of different talks about this.\u00a0 One of the things we talked about doing is called an \u201cI Bounce\u201d where you bounce your eyes away.\u00a0 There was a girl in our church that asked me once, she said\u201d Why doesn\u2019t David ever hang around me?\u201d and I told her that it was because of the way that she was dressing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Fortunately, I had a relationship with her and I could tell her that and I could explain that to her.\u00a0 She finally connected the dots and she said \u201cOh!\u00a0 Now that you\u2019re telling me that, I remember that time I wore such and such and you know he didn\u2019t even say hello!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>So, it\u2019s just helping them to understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wouldn\u2019t even look at me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>With a young man have you had conversations with your boys during again those middle school years around pornography?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely!\u00a0 In fact they remember a conversation I had with them this time last year in the middle of Best Buy.\u00a0 They have teased me about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is mom having the conversation with the boys in Best Buy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They had teased me about it afterward but I actually got a phone call from a lady who had just discovered some things on her son\u2019s computer and she was just very upset, of course and torn up about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was her son a friend of your sons?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, actually it was someone that I had met in another state.\u00a0 She had called me.\u00a0 When I got off the phone with her we were in Best Buy looking for Christmas gifts and I said \u201cboys come over here.\u201d\u00a0 I just got them together and I said, \u201cokay, let\u2019s go over this again\u201d because I talk to them regularly about pornography and what a poison it is.\u00a0 Just like you are going to talk to your kids about drugs, you\u2019re going to talk to them about alcohol; you\u2019ve got to have a pornography talk.\u00a0 We talked about it more than once because I\u2019ve told my boys every time you turn on the computer you are going to be making a choice.\u00a0 Every time something pops up it\u2019s a choice.\u00a0 You\u2019re successful that first time you make a great choice; okay Satan is going to pop up that choice again.\u00a0 You are going to have to make the right choice over and over and over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0I am glad you delineated between having a conversation one time, kind of like an inoculation of a shot where you get it once.\u00a0 That\u2019s it for a lifetime you don\u2019t need any more conversations from us.\u00a0 In this day and age it\u2019s not a matter of having a birds and bees\u00a0\u00a0 conversation with a child when they\u2019re six, seven, eight years old so they know the very basics of sex education.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is a repeated revisiting of their bodies, their lives as their own sexuality emerges and as their attraction for the opposite sex occurs.\u00a0 We got to enter in to those discussions and have that conversation with them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know you can jump start some of that when you use the resource that we created that I\u2019ve already mentioned this week the<em> Passport to Purity<\/em> material: which gives moms and dads an opportunity to get away with a son or a daughter right before those middle school years kick in, to start talking about peer pressure and talking about being friends with members of the opposite sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat dating is all about and any number of issues that are going to crop up during the middle school years.\u00a0 There is information on our website FamilyLifeToday.com about <em>Passport to Purity<\/em> and there is also information about Rebecca\u2019s very helpful book which is called <em>Season of Change<\/em>.\u00a0 You can order that from us as well.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com or call calling 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Again it\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know we are more than halfway through the month of May into the home stretch of the month and we want to thank those of you who have gone online or who have called to make a donation this month to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We have a matching gift fund that was established this month.\u00a0 We have had a number of folks who have pledged to match every dollar we receive from listeners on a dollar for dollar basis up to a total of now more than $300,000 that\u2019s been pledged to that matching gift fund. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are hoping that before the end of the month we will have heard from enough listeners that we can take full advantage of what these others have pledged to do.\u00a0 So far we have been very encouraged by the response we are getting from folks but we still have a long way to go.\u00a0 I say we are half way through the month but I don\u2019t think we\u2019re halfway yet to our goal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, can we ask you to consider going online on FamilyLifeToday.com or calling 1-800-FL-TODAYand being as generous as you can be make a donation of any amount.\u00a0 That donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar and we hope you\u2019ll help us out this month and help us continue to work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on this station and our network of stations all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY and let me just\u00a0\u00a0 say thanks in advance for whatever your able to do in support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about dating during the middle school years.\u00a0 Is it a good idea?\u00a0 What\u2019s the down side?\u00a0 What\u2019s the upside?\u00a0 We\u2019ll unpack some of that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our host Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["21.26M"],"filesize_raw":["22291441"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302040.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302040.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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a teen, appearance is everything.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2026and Mimi\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes! Whatever Mimi is, okay? You\u2019re really not raising an emotionally and spiritually mature child because ultimately you must raise a child who by the time they\u2019re 17, 18, 19 somewhere in there they are learning to put their own faith in Christ. Make their own decisions. Be responsible and take care of themselves when mom and dad aren\u2019t there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is the challenge.\u00a0 If there developing that sense of independence which is good and right and healthy, they need to be their own person.\u00a0 Is that being influenced more by the crowd? We\u2019ve talked about that already this week.\u00a0 That there is such a peer influence that their sense of self is now determined by what their peer group is saying about them rather than what mom and dad have affirmed about them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the areas where this shows up big time is in the area of appearance.\u00a0 You asked me this week about middle school memories and the first thing I came up with was an appearance memory. Was the polka dot shirt that I wore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Some of our listeners are still emotionally scarred by that polka dot\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> ...With that visual image!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Thinking of you in that polka dot shirt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Appearance for girls particularly but for boys as well, this is a part of defining your style, your brand, who you are, isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 You know, what\u2019s interesting because we talked about yesterday my Nike shoes that I wanted when\u00a0 my mom read the manuscript from my book and she came clean with a confession of her own and she said she hadn\u2019t even realized how important those shoes were to me.\u00a0 She was like\u2026 my mom is so precious, she said\u201d well, we would have gotten you those shoes before Christmas!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was like, well it\u2019s okay mom. It\u2019s okay now but she had told me when she had been a teenager there was a beautiful raspberry sweater and a navy blue skirt that was in a store window that she pined away for thinking that that would change her life. It is age old for us females.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your not saying that a parent\u2019s responsibility is to be alert to what fashion accessory are going to keep you with the in crowd then to make sure your kids have got them, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh no. No but it is important to be involved and to know, of course, what your kids are experiencing.\u00a0 Today\u2019s girls are looking at\u2026 I mean I had Marcia Brady for a role model.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When I watch the Brady Bunch today in reruns I am aghast at how short their skirts were!\u00a0 I mean, they were shorter than some of the things that girls wear today, super short.\u00a0 So, I know that when moms are watching with their kids like Disney Channel or something like that.\u00a0 You have got to look at what those girls are wearing and say \u201cOkay, if I would not let my child wear those clothes why are we spending so much time watching these programs.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes but Rebecca it\u2019s not just the Disney Channel that are kids are watching.\u00a0 Our daughters are being influenced by their peer group that are watching MTV and that are texting all kinds of stuff back and forth to one another on their cell phones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The fashion magazines have got unbelievable stuff\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Unbelievable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, tell us how you navigated the issue of modesty with your daughter during these impressionable years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, my daughter is a beautiful girl.\u00a0 She has always been very conscience about the way that she dresses so from a personal view point that is one thing that I have really not had to make a big deal with my own daughter about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You\u2019re talking about modesty at this point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am talking about modesty.\u00a0 What we have done many times is talked with her friends.\u00a0 She has had to rake a stand with her friends to explain why she chooses to dress the way that she does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have to have had some influence in her making those choices in the middle school and senior high years.\u00a0 There had to be something\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2026 you guys were doing to help reinforce what appropriate clothing ought to look like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Where we have always gone is to the word of God and to our children\u2019s hearts and saying \u201cOkay, your body is really not for you and it\u2019s definitely not for all these people around you but it is for your future spouse.\u201d So, in saying that God has given you this gift then we need to be very careful what we expose and how much we let other people see.\u00a0 We have always gone at from this is a heart issue and I learned early on from an abstinence teacher that I heard speak on it one time Marilynn Morris. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There are three reasons why a girl would choose to dress immodestly. The first one is that she just doesn\u2019t know.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t understand what her body and the exposure of her body does to a male. No one has ever taken the time to teach her.\u00a0 The second thing is that the reason she is dressing that way is that she is a tease.\u00a0 She knows what she is doing.\u00a0 She knows she is getting guys attention.\u00a0 She knows that she is causing them to have sexual thoughts about her and she is okay with that because she is not going to let them do anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact, there is something in her little heart that hungers for that kind of attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right, for that attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Then the third reason that a girl would dress immodestly would be to say I am available.\u00a0 So, with my daughter early on I said\u201d Here is what you\u2019re saying to boys and here is what they\u2019re thinking, even the godly Christian guy. It\u2019s the way they\u2019re wired.\u00a0 They don\u2019t mean to, they don\u2019t want to. You know a Christian boy isn\u2019t even going to hang around you if you dress that way because he doesn\u2019t want to be tempted.\u00a0 So, here is the way you need to dress.\u201d<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She got it<strong>.<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now wait, Rebecca.\u00a0 Now wait.\u00a0 You have got to tell me that you\u2019ve never had a run in with your preteen or early teenage daughter around modest dress all the way through junior high and high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 I haven\u2019t, so do we want to talk about something else?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 No, but there are a lot of moms who want you to come to their house and have whatever the magic rub off.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Could your daughter come and\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s who you need to have on the show!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, mentor to my daughter because we have a ton of moms who are listening right now and are going\u201d This is numero uno issue!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What are they going to wear to school every day and then on the weekends? Unbelievably, what are they going to wear to church?\u00a0 I mean it\u2019s a battle!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is.\u00a0 It is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know?\u00a0 Your fortunate God gave you a child who got it quickly and didn\u2019t need to test the limits.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It goes back to that heart relationship that my daughter has with the Lord.\u00a0 Now you know, everybody makes choices and decisions and I am not going to say she is always going to be that way.\u00a0 I pray she always is very close to the Lord.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s critical that our kids understand that it\u2019s about them and Jesus and that\u2019s who they answer to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s what\u2019s driving her choices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly!\u00a0 Even with boys, my youngest the other day when we went to go get a pair of jeans for him.\u00a0 The jeans were designed in such a way that they had a bandana hanging out of the back pocket.\u00a0 Well now, we minister to an inner city church and I said\u201d that looks funny there is that a new style?\u201d\u00a0 My son informed me\u201d well, that\u2019s how the guys in gangs wear their jeans. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat reflects what their color is.\u201d\u00a0 So, we didn\u2019t buy the jeans.\u00a0 I could have bought them and taken that out but to me and my son and I discussed it, if we did that we\u2019d be telling manufacturer who wouldn\u2019t know that we altered the jeans at home that that was a good style.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have a kid who has actually been a part of our church who is now in Juvenile for getting involved in a gang.\u00a0 We don\u2019t want to support that.\u00a0 So, for boys too what they wear says something about who they are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Talk a little bit about that because whenever we get into the subject particularly about modesty or appearance it does kind of seem to separate into girls need to do this so that boys will be okay.\u00a0 But it is both a boy issue and a girl issue.\u00a0 What we\u2019re wearing and how to respond to what other people are wearing. If you\u2019re raising a preteen boy, what kind of heart issues are you trying to address with that young man about the choices he is going to make in what he wears?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>On what he is wearing or what he is looking at?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s talk about what he is wearing first and then what he\u2019s looking at beyond that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think for boys, they have it so much easier than girls because their styles are jeans and t-shirts. Girls we just have total fashion psycho with all the different choices for us.\u00a0 Young men a lot of times will wear t-shirts with different slogans and things on them or endorsing certain companies that they might just think is cool but again it\u2019s saying something about who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, they need to be careful with what they wear, like different bands.\u00a0 I have talked to some boys before about \u201cWhy are you wearing that bands name on your body?\u00a0 You\u2019re displaying that when you wear that.\u00a0 People are going to think your okay with that band?\u201d \u201cWell it was the only thing clean\u201d\u201d Well but then don\u2019t wear that!\u00a0 You are endorsing it.\u00a0 You are saying I approve of this band.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 When a young man does see girls some of them are dressed really cute.\u00a0 I mean you see those girls and there are the cute girls and then there are the kind of doughty looking girls and your kind of more attractive to the cute ones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 I have two boys 15 and 12 and my fifteen year old and I have had a lot of different talks about this.\u00a0 One of the things we talked about doing is called an \u201cI Bounce\u201d where you bounce your eyes away.\u00a0 There was a girl in our church that asked me once, she said\u201d Why doesn\u2019t David ever hang around me?\u201d and I told her that it was because of the way that she was dressing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Fortunately, I had a relationship with her and I could tell her that and I could explain that to her.\u00a0 She finally connected the dots and she said \u201cOh!\u00a0 Now that you\u2019re telling me that, I remember that time I wore such and such and you know he didn\u2019t even say hello!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>So, it\u2019s just helping them to understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wouldn\u2019t even look at me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>With a young man have you had conversations with your boys during again those middle school years around pornography?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely!\u00a0 In fact they remember a conversation I had with them this time last year in the middle of Best Buy.\u00a0 They have teased me about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is mom having the conversation with the boys in Best Buy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They had teased me about it afterward but I actually got a phone call from a lady who had just discovered some things on her son\u2019s computer and she was just very upset, of course and torn up about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was her son a friend of your sons?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, actually it was someone that I had met in another state.\u00a0 She had called me.\u00a0 When I got off the phone with her we were in Best Buy looking for Christmas gifts and I said \u201cboys come over here.\u201d\u00a0 I just got them together and I said, \u201cokay, let\u2019s go over this again\u201d because I talk to them regularly about pornography and what a poison it is.\u00a0 Just like you are going to talk to your kids about drugs, you\u2019re going to talk to them about alcohol; you\u2019ve got to have a pornography talk.\u00a0 We talked about it more than once because I\u2019ve told my boys every time you turn on the computer you are going to be making a choice.\u00a0 Every time something pops up it\u2019s a choice.\u00a0 You\u2019re successful that first time you make a great choice; okay Satan is going to pop up that choice again.\u00a0 You are going to have to make the right choice over and over and over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0I am glad you delineated between having a conversation one time, kind of like an inoculation of a shot where you get it once.\u00a0 That\u2019s it for a lifetime you don\u2019t need any more conversations from us.\u00a0 In this day and age it\u2019s not a matter of having a birds and bees\u00a0\u00a0 conversation with a child when they\u2019re six, seven, eight years old so they know the very basics of sex education.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is a repeated revisiting of their bodies, their lives as their own sexuality emerges and as their attraction for the opposite sex occurs.\u00a0 We got to enter in to those discussions and have that conversation with them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know you can jump start some of that when you use the resource that we created that I\u2019ve already mentioned this week the<em> Passport to Purity<\/em> material: which gives moms and dads an opportunity to get away with a son or a daughter right before those middle school years kick in, to start talking about peer pressure and talking about being friends with members of the opposite sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat dating is all about and any number of issues that are going to crop up during the middle school years.\u00a0 There is information on our website FamilyLifeToday.com about <em>Passport to Purity<\/em> and there is also information about Rebecca\u2019s very helpful book which is called <em>Season of Change<\/em>.\u00a0 You can order that from us as well.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com or call calling 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Again it\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know we are more than halfway through the month of May into the home stretch of the month and we want to thank those of you who have gone online or who have called to make a donation this month to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We have a matching gift fund that was established this month.\u00a0 We have had a number of folks who have pledged to match every dollar we receive from listeners on a dollar for dollar basis up to a total of now more than $300,000 that\u2019s been pledged to that matching gift fund. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are hoping that before the end of the month we will have heard from enough listeners that we can take full advantage of what these others have pledged to do.\u00a0 So far we have been very encouraged by the response we are getting from folks but we still have a long way to go.\u00a0 I say we are half way through the month but I don\u2019t think we\u2019re halfway yet to our goal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, can we ask you to consider going online on FamilyLifeToday.com or calling 1-800-FL-TODAYand being as generous as you can be make a donation of any amount.\u00a0 That donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar and we hope you\u2019ll help us out this month and help us continue to work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on this station and our network of stations all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY and let me just\u00a0\u00a0 say thanks in advance for whatever your able to do in support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about dating during the middle school years.\u00a0 Is it a good idea?\u00a0 What\u2019s the down side?\u00a0 What\u2019s the upside?\u00a0 We\u2019ll unpack some of that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn behalf of our host Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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