{"id":302039,"date":"2010-05-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/understanding-the-middle-school-years\/"},"modified":"2010-05-17T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-05-17T15:00:00","slug":"understanding-the-middle-school-years","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-the-middle-school-years\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding the Middle School Years"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you remember what it was like to be in Junior High School?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-17.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.27M","filesize_raw":"23348119","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2870],"tags":[4928,4954,4953,2588,4817],"podcast_series":[7727],"cwp_profile":[9197],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302039","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tweens","tag-high-school","tag-junior-high","tag-middle-school","tag-teens","tag-tweens","podcast_series-season-of-change","cwp_profile-rebecca-ingram-powell","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302039\/understanding-the-middle-school-years","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302039\/understanding-the-middle-school-years","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"zykYPwWuwH\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-the-middle-school-years\/\">Understanding the Middle School Years<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-the-middle-school-years\/embed\/#?secret=zykYPwWuwH\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Understanding the Middle School Years&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"zykYPwWuwH\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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School?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Even though technology has vastly changed the hearts of people haven\u2019t changed so when my daughter began to hit right around 11 years old the clicks and the you know you\u2019re not as good as we are, and what\u2019s wrong with your clothes, and your hair\u2019s funny and you know all that stuff just like I had and with those memories a lot of bitterness that I didn\u2019t realize was still there but it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 17.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 You remember some of those challenges you faced during the middle school years?\u00a0 Are you ready to help your sons and daughters face some of the same issues?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, what do you remember most from your\u2026 Well, they didn\u2019t have middle school back before the earth\u2019s crust hardened when you were in elementary school.\u00a0 But, back between you know the fifth grade, eighth grade what do you remember most about those years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I remember being just kind of unsure of where my place in the universe was you know?\u00a0 Just kind of not sure if I fit in anywhere and really wanting the affirmation.\u00a0 Here\u2019s what I remember.\u00a0 I remember the day this was sixth grade when I got dressed up with my corduroy bell bottom pants, and my green polka dot shirt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 I can picture it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes this was at a time for younger listeners people actually wore something like this.\u00a0 This was the late 60\u2019s, and this is what they were wearing on TV all right?\u00a0 So, I\u2019m dressed up in my polka dot shirt, my corduroy bell-bottoms\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And a big belt!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Big belt \u2013 that\u2019s right!\u00a0 I walked into class, and Tommy Langenbock \u2013 Tommy Langenbock looked up at me and he said, \u201cLippy\u201d \u2013 he called me Lippy. \u201cLippy\u2019s going mod.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why did he call you Lippy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well \u2013 Lepine \u2013 you know it\u2019s kind of short for Lepine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, oh Lepine okay!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, it was a corruption of Lepine.\u00a0 Lippy\u2019s going mod, and people kind of laughed at it.\u00a0 Well, I thought I was going to be the new fashion statement on the campus, and it turned out I was the subject of derision for the rest of the day.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I wore that polka dot shirt ever again in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think our listeners are laughing today even \u2013 even at the visual image of it.\u00a0 I remember going from fifth grade and maybe it was sixth grade - Mr. Greenstreet\u2019s class of trading pencils.\u00a0 He\u2019d find a pencil on the floor, and if it was a number three which was I think a soft lead \u2013 those were worth much, much more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He was trading pencils?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He was trading pencils.\u00a0 Hey, it was a poor area of the country that I grew up in okay?\u00a0 But, I remember how life was so simple in the sixth grade, but then by the time I got to junior high I\u2019d have to say there was a ton of emotional confusion around girls \u2013 around how I felt about them, and all of a sudden you know it\u2019s like once I was blind but now I see.\u00a0 I just didn\u2019t have anybody I was talking to about any of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One more quick story\u2014when I was in the seventh grade I was talking to these guys.\u00a0 We were listening to music together, and these guys were saying hey we\u2019re starting a band, and my ears perked up because I thought it would be so cool to be in a band you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, especially if your name\u2019s Lippy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, so I said so what kind of music do you guys play in your band?\u00a0 Like, do you play <em>Worst That Could Happen<\/em> by the Brooklyn Bridge, which was a song that was on pop.\u00a0 You remember (singing) It\u2019s The Worst That Could Happen to Me!\u00a0 Do you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay I got that big song on pop radio.\u00a0 The Brooklyn Bridge part I can\u2019t remember \u2013 I\u2019m sorry!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They looked at me like oh man, how uncool are you if you\u2019re still listening to The Brooklyn Bridge.\u00a0 No, we\u2019re playing Steppenwolf and Cream.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, I\u2019m familiar with that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had never heard of Steppenwolf, and Cream.\u00a0 I was uncool at the time!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have seen you perform Steppenwolf, as an adult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But, the point is there\u2019s this universe and it defines what acceptable is and every middle school student is trying to figure out where that is and how do I get into it because if I\u2019m not in there life is going to be bad for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You\u2019re really breaking out of the age of innocence into a time of where an individual identity does begin to emerge.\u00a0 We have a guest here who\u2019s been\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, there\u2019s a reason we\u2019re talking about middle school memories.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is!\u00a0 She\u2019s been very gracious!\u00a0 Rebecca Ingram Powell joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Rebecca, you\u2019ve been very gracious even to keep from laughing out loud even as Bob\u2019s been singing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s really been an experience!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Rebecca has written a book that I\u2019m going to recommend to our listeners especially for those of you who are about to parent a middle schooler, or those of you who are already in the thick of it.\u00a0 It\u2019s called:\u00a0 <em>Season of Change.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRebecca is a writer, a speaker, she equips Mom\u2019s in every season of parenting, she and her husband Rich live near Nashville.\u00a0 I like how you start the book and you share some of your own experience.\u00a0 So, now that Bob and I have talked about our own ridiculous experience around the middle school years what do you remember most?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, thankfully I don\u2019t remember ever being called Lippy so that\u2019s a good thing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But, you know I\u2019m just a little bit younger than you guys so by the time that I reached those years sixth grade was middle school, and so elementary school ended in the fifth grade.\u00a0 For me it ended in some different ways because my family moved so when I entered middle school it was a new town, it was all new people, it was a new culture just about it.\u00a0 So, for me that sixth grade year was so pivotal because everything had changed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the fifth grade everybody was friends.\u00a0 In the sixth grade especially during that summer between fifth and sixth grade when for a lot of kids the bodies start to develop there\u2019s a whole different hierarchy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>All kinds of clicks begin to form!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Clicks began to form, and I certainly didn\u2019t have anywhere to fit in.\u00a0 I wanted friends of course so badly but it was evident from the very first day who the \u201cin crowd\u201d was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And, you had a girl you idolized whose name was Lindy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She had something that just set her apart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Lindy was the most popular girl in the school and I didn\u2019t know what it was.\u00a0 I was a smart kid and I figured there was an answer for everything.\u00a0 So, I really studied her just trying to figure out what is it that makes you popular?\u00a0 Because whatever it is I\u2019m going to create it, recreate it so I can be popular too.\u00a0 Well, about the only thing that I could come up with that Lindy and her friends had\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She listened to Brooklyn Bridge is that it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>(singing) It\u2019s the worst that could happen to me!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That wasn\u2019t it though was it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 The only thing that I could figure out that Lindy and her friends had that I didn\u2019t have was this certain pair of Nike tennis shoes \u2013 they all had the same pair.\u00a0 So, I thought if I could just get my hands on those shoes than I would be popular, too.\u00a0 So, now I come from a pastor\u2019s family\u2014Daddy\u2019s a preacher, my Momma was a teacher, and I just wasn\u2019t even going to ask them for those shoes because I knew they were pretty expensive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, when Christmas rolled around I found the shoes.\u00a0 They were on sale on a clearance rack and they were on sale because they were about to be last year\u2019s shoes.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know that.\u00a0 I just thought this was my chance to get a bargain on the shoes so I asked for them for Christmas.\u00a0 I got them, and I wore them to school after the break, and all those girls had on brand new spankin\u2019 tennis shoes and I had last years.\u00a0 So, I continued to not be in the \u201cin crowd\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I could have given you a polka dot shirt to wear with those shoes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I would have been so mod!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know we\u2019re laughing about this but as kids go through the middle school years the choices that are being afforded them are life changing, life altering choices.\u00a0 There\u2019s issues of crime that begins to escalate, pornography, there are relationships with the opposite sex that begin to be forged and the one we\u2019ve already talked about \u2013 clicks begin to form.\u00a0 If your child falls into the wrong group that can begin to set the course for the entire high school experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the reasons we want to have this conversation today is to try to help parents understand the dynamics of these years because we get far removed from this.\u00a0 We go on with life, and everything moves along and we forget the traumas of fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth grade until somebody jogs our memory and says do you remember what this was like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know who\u2019s going to jog your memory is your child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Your middle schooler?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Because as soon as your child begins to go through those things, which even, though technology has vastly changed the hearts of people as we grow, and as we experience that coming of age \u2013 that hasn\u2019t changed.\u00a0 So, when my daughter began to hit right around eleven years old, and she confronted the mean girls which we home school \u2013 I thought we were going to avoid all that but yet there were mean girls at church, there were mean girls at the ballpark.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, she encountered the clicks and the you\u2019re not as good as we are, and what\u2019s wrong with your clothes, and your hair\u2019s funny.\u00a0 You know all that stuff just like I had, and man those memories came flooding back and with those memories a lot of bitterness that I didn\u2019t realize was still there but it was.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Well, what I want to do is I want to seat a mom who has let\u2019s say it\u2019s a fourth grader, fifth grader, and maybe she has two or three more children that are going to go right through the same gate into the same area of life.\u00a0 Give her the essence of what are going to be the major challenges she\u2019s going to face as she walks her kids through the middle school years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, they\u2019re going to be a little bit different for girls and boys.\u00a0 The common thing between those genders is going to be the choices of friendships.\u00a0 That is going to largely dictate how successful those growing up years will be.\u00a0 For girls \u2013 of course girls are focused on how they look, and our culture is focused on making that their focus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we need to really as moms be very careful that we help our daughters to know \u2013 it sounds like a clich\u00e9 but truly it\u2019s what\u2019s on the inside that counts.\u00a0 The girl with the most friends is going to be the girl who is the nicest one \u2013 the one who really cares about other people genuinely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen for our boys as they\u2019re growing up it\u2019s about power, and who\u2019s athletic, who\u2019s strong, and who gets the girls attention.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You really have to help your kids be ready to live outside of the approval of the peer group.\u00a0 Not that you want them to be anti social or want them to be outside of the group but if the approval of the group becomes so strong all of a sudden they can be lead in all kinds of directions.\u00a0 Not just what kind of Nike\u2019s are you wearing but what kind of behaviors are you embracing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well you know as Christian parents we\u2019re called to raise kids who are different.\u00a0 So, I think we get a lot of opportunities to do that even when they\u2019re very young.\u00a0 I can remember my husband and I made the very controversial decision not to celebrate Halloween in the traditional way, and we made that decision long before we ever had children not knowing the effect it would have on our children\u2019s grandparents but our kids started out understanding that we were going to be different in that area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt Christmas we never did Santa Claus.\u00a0 I mean we did gifts but Santa Claus was never a pretend truth at our house which that\u2019s an oxymoron so Santa Claus was not part of our celebration.\u00a0 So, our kids understood that they were different, and there was one occasion when in a Sunday school class the class was making jack-o-lanterns.\u00a0 When I said no Halloween, I meant anything evil looking and so jack-o-lanterns were out of the picture.\u00a0 So, my daughter who was just about six or seven she went to the teacher and said, \u201cI know that my mama would not want me to do this\u201d because she wasn\u2019t going to participate in that activity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe teacher said, \u201cWe\u2019ll then you\u2019ll have to go sit over there\u201d \u2013 totally dismissed her from the rest of the group, and she had to sit by herself while they did the activity.\u00a0 Of course I didn\u2019t know any of this was going on.\u00a0 After church that day my daughter told me what had happened, and I said, \u201cYou know what Danya when you\u2019re older and somebody wants you to do what they\u2019re doing like smoke a cigarette or drink a beer I know that you\u2019re going to be able to be different and say no, I\u2019m not going to do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now a little girl at age seven can do that without really being all that concerned.\u00a0 She can kind of be content to sit over there it\u2019s not like it\u2019s going to ruin her world.\u00a0 Get to eleven or twelve why is it that all of a sudden the choice to stand up and do what you\u2019ve been taught is the right thing to do is a huger deal than it was when you were seven?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If I can answer that question!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, let me make a pass at it because we all know what we\u2019re talking about here.\u00a0 It is like there is a new set of gravities that begin to impact a child:\u00a0 A gravitational pull towards acceptance, toward being liked, toward being in the \u201cin crowd.\u201d\u00a0 You know for you it was studying this girl named Lindy who had Nike shoes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And when you were seven you cared a little bit more about Mom and Dad\u2019s acceptance than you might care about when you are eleven or twelve?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, your own identity hasn\u2019t truly emerged at that point and when you become eleven, twelve, and thirteen that\u2019s a big part of growing up in those years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right and we become so self focused at those ages.\u00a0 I mean that\u2019s when there\u2019s so much going on in us.\u00a0\u00a0 Brain development, and body development and the hormones are going all over the place.\u00a0 Where I think the enemy really trips up our kids is in that we think I\u2019m the only one who is experiencing this.\u00a0 I\u2019m the only one going through this.\u00a0 I\u2019m the only one who thinks that I\u2019m not good enough.\u00a0 That I\u2019m not pretty enough.\u00a0 That I\u2019m not smart enough when really it\u2019s a whole generation that\u2019s going through it, and we have to go through it in order to get to the other side.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know the thing I like about what we\u2019re talking about here is it\u2019s really important for a parent as you said earlier to remain the parent, and to be the adult, and to be mature, and to have a goal in mind and to think you know what we\u2019re guiding our child into what is going to become some of the most treacherous years he or she will ever face:\u00a0 Adolescence!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow you start preparing them during these pre-adolescent years \u2013 the middle school years really sets the tone I think for what kind of relationship you\u2019re going to have with him or her as you go through those years but also the kind of convictions you help build into that child\u2019s life so that they have begun to make some choices to set themselves apart from the herd because that gravitational pull of peers that Bob was talking about \u2013 it\u2019s so overpowering, so compelling that a lot of kids just completely cave in and they even surprise themselves at how they give up on their convictions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As parents I think one of the best things that we can do that will help in that compelling pull is to help our kids understand who they are by helping them to focus on the gifts that God has given them.\u00a0 You know a lot of times we have our little kids in the things that we like to do whether it\u2019s baseball or dance or music lessons.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen they get around ten and eleven years old we really need to reassess what we\u2019re paying for and what we\u2019re truly investing in.\u00a0 So that our kids then can tell us well I do like this and I want to continue doing this whether it\u2019s music or dance.\u00a0 But, if there\u2019s something that they don\u2019t like to do then we need to steer them toward where they\u2019re really gifted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think when they know who they are\u2014I\u2019m a dancer, or I\u2019m a baseball player that can really help in that peer environment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And fundamentally they need to know who they are in Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If they know Christ, if they\u2019ve trusted Christ they need to understand what it means to have an identity as a child of God and find their meaning, and their purpose in that because they may be a baseball player today and three years from now baseball\u2019s the last thing on their mind but it\u2019s their relationship with Christ that\u2019s going to define them all the way through the rest of their lives right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right and they need to understand that God has a plan, and a purpose for them and it\u2019s going to be unique to who they are, and how he\u2019s gifted them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, if you\u2019re getting ready to launch a child \u2013 let\u2019s say you have a nine year old, ten year old \u2013 the middle school era is just right around the corner for you \u2013 what\u2019s the goal?\u00a0 Are you just trying to get through, and survive, or what are the primary things you ought to be thinking about as a parent to be proactive as you approach these years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I think there are two things:\u00a0 I think first of all we need to really be setting the example of a love for God.\u00a0 And then we need to be setting an example of a love for people because middle school is very unlovable.\u00a0 There are a lot of unlovely people!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we can get our children to understand who they are in Christ, and that God loves those people at their school.\u00a0 He loves those kids just as much as He loves them then they\u2019re going to become a channel of love.\u00a0 When they can understand God loves me so I can love you, and there\u2019s not a competition between us because there\u2019s a level playing field at the foot of the cross.\u00a0 When they can understand that, I think it\u2019s going to be a lot easier for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the things I did in my sixth grade Sunday school class near the end after I taught the class all year was I talked about the need to go into junior high, and high school with a mission.\u00a0 That\u2019s what you\u2019re really talking about is sending your child into these middle school years with the idea that you know what?\u00a0\u00a0 Life doesn\u2019t revolve around you.\u00a0 God wants to use you to encourage other people, and to be a really an expression of His love for those people.\u00a0 So, if you can begin to encourage your child to think of others, and not just himself or herself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI look back on those years in my life.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if there was ever a time in my life when I was more self-absorbed and more insecure than what we would call today the middle school years.\u00a0 It was a perilous time in my life, and I didn\u2019t know who I was.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t know if you know this Rebecca but for years we have been encouraging Mom\u2019s and Dad\u2019s to take a weekend sometime right before the middle school years \u2013 get away with your son, with your daughter.\u00a0 We\u2019ve created a resource called:\u00a0 <em>Passport to Purity<\/em>.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t just address the purity issues although that\u2019s a big part of what we talk about.\u00a0 It addresses peer pressure, and it addresses purpose.\u00a0 That kind of pro-activity just jump-starts the whole process in a dramatic way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It gives the parents a common vocabulary with their child to begin to talk about it so when these things that we\u2019re talking about here begin to pop up you have an experience that you\u2019ve shared together over a weekend\u2014Friday night, all day Saturday with your child.\u00a0 You can revisit and talk about how this is an illustration of what you talked about previously.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, in fact for a parent to get a copy of your book Rebecca and read through it before the kids head off to middle school, and then to get <em>The Passport to Purity <\/em>material and plan a weekend where they can get away and go through this material really is going to put them miles ahead as they get ready to launch a son or a daughter into what is a critical time in a young person\u2019s life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of Rebecca\u2019s book <em>Season of Change <\/em>in our FamilyLife Today resource center and we have of course <em>The Passport to Purity <\/em>material.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 There\u2019s more information about these resources available there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can listen back to today\u2019s program, or read a transcript, or comment about it online if you\u2019d like.\u00a0 Again the website FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY \u2013 1-800-358-6329 \u2013 that\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us we\u2019ll let you know how you can get any of the resources you need sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know we have been encouraged this month as a number of our listeners have gotten in touch with us.\u00a0 They\u2019ve heard about the matching gift opportunity that has been made available to us.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had some friends who have stepped forward and pledged toward a matching gift fund agreeing to match dollar for dollar every donation we raise during the month of May.\u00a0 The pledge amount is up past $300,000 at this point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not sure exactly how many donations we have received but it\u2019s been encouraging to see listeners who have gone online at FamilyLifeToday.com or who have called 1-800-FLTODAY and made donations already.\u00a0 I know we still have a ways to go to get to the $300,000 plus number that we\u2019re aiming for here but we are thankful for those of you who have already called and contributed.\u00a0 I just want to remind listeners it\u2019s not too late to go to FamilyLifeToday.com or to call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake a $25 donation and it automatically becomes a $50 donation.\u00a0 We\u2019re hoping that you will help us take full advantage of these matching gift pledges.\u00a0 We can\u2019t take advantage of them unless we hear from you.\u00a0 So, would you call 1-800-FLTODAY and be as generous as you can be.\u00a0 Again it\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Let me just say, thanks in advance for your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage you to be back with us tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk more about how as parents we can have our sons and daughters ready for the middle school years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302039","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302039"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302039"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302039"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302039"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302039"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302039"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302039"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}