{"id":302035,"date":"2010-05-13T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-13T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/staying-pure-during-the-engagement-period\/"},"modified":"2010-05-13T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-05-13T15:00:00","slug":"staying-pure-during-the-engagement-period","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-pure-during-the-engagement-period\/","title":{"rendered":"Staying Pure During the Engagement Period"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You&#8217;re engaged, and the finish line is almost in sight!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-13.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"18.54M","filesize_raw":"19442914","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2807],"tags":[4018,4822,5152],"podcast_series":[7726],"cwp_profile":[3048,9108],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302035","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-engagements-and-weddings","tag-dating","tag-engagement","tag-young-adult","podcast_series-more-than-a-wedding-a-closer-look","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","cwp_profile-various","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302035\/staying-pure-during-the-engagement-period","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302035\/staying-pure-during-the-engagement-period","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"0FxNsC8ao8\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-pure-during-the-engagement-period\/\">Staying Pure During the Engagement Period<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-pure-during-the-engagement-period\/embed\/#?secret=0FxNsC8ao8\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Staying Pure During the Engagement Period&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"0FxNsC8ao8\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s just a bunch of baloney.\u00a0 That\u2019s to be worked out in the marriage relationship.\u00a0 If sexual compatibility was a prerequisite for getting married, then I think God and heaven would have made that clear in scripture.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think that type of counsel has any place in a young person\u2019s life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, May 13<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about maintaining sexual purity during the engagement period and preparing for sexual intimacy after you say \u201cI do.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 This is one of those days when if there is something wrong with the hot water heater at your house, that\u2019s just fine.\u00a0 You are not going to need hot water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, you are now going to need a cold shower.\u00a0 We are going to turn it on and we are going to have three settings cubed, crushed, or glacial.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Something to turn the heat down because you don\u2019t have to do much to fire it up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, you really don\u2019t.\u00a0 In fact, you know the other day, Bob, I was just thinking about this, what an insane culture we have today!\u00a0 I mean on the internet, in music, on TV, on cable, in the movies, all of these shows and messages are about encouraging single people to shack up, have sex, and just go ahead and do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought are we crazy, I mean look at the number of sexually transmitted diseases today, they are now 50.\u00a0 Think of the emotional scars that people bring into a marriage relationship because they experiment it prior to marriage.\u00a0 Think of the issues of trust.\u00a0 I want to tell you something, this is a relevant message today and <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> doesn\u2019t exist to go along with the flow of the culture.\u00a0 We are all about getting single people some paddles so they an go against the current and swim upstream to have a real relationship with a real person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Andyou might think that a series \u2013 that actually we put most of these together more than a decade ago, you might think it would sound a little dated.\u00a0 But if anything, it's more relevant and more significant in the culture today than it was when we put this material together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, if you look at what's happening among single people today cohabiting is more or less expected.\u00a0 Over six million people today have given up on marriage and are just living together and a lot of them are under the age of 25-30.\u00a0 They are just shacking up.\u00a0 And you know what, that\u2019s not the way God designed it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And it's not healthy for the long-term success of a marriage relationship which is what we have been all about ever since the ministry began back in 1976.\u00a0 Pointing people back to what the scriptures have to say about God\u2019s design for marriage and it's what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> has been all about since we went on the air almost two decades ago now.\u00a0 And Dennis, you stop and think about almost 35 years of ministry that you have been involved with here at FamilyLife and almost two decades of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, it's because of a lot of friends who have joined with us that all of this has been possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right.\u00a0 Donors have made this ministry possible.\u00a0 We would not have gone on radio back in 1992 if we hadn\u2019t had some people step up and say you know what, I stand with you to make this message happen called <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to just picture right now, still listening to Bob and me, what if right now this spot on your dial was led by Howard Stern and his messages about sex?\u00a0 Would you support that?\u00a0 Let me tell you, somebody is to the tune of several hundred million dollars in his pocket.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you know what; I don\u2019t take a penny from this broadcast.\u00a0 I raise my own personal support to work here and we need to come to you today to say you know what, if you believe in a biblical message on marriage and family for today\u2019s single people, today\u2019s married people, and families today, then would you stand alongside us right now, because honestly, Bob, you know what the financial condition of the ministry is, we run a very thrifty operation here.\u00a0 But right now, we need our listeners to step up and stand with us financially with a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was going to ask you if you had any of those dreams with thin cows in them like Joseph had because it was seven years for them, I just wondered how long you think this\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I hope this doesn\u2019t last seven years the cows could get pretty skinny.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are hoping to take full advantage of a matching gift that has been made available to us here at FamilyLife during the month of May.\u00a0 Some friends have come along and they have pledged more than $300,000 in matching funds.\u00a0 They said, \u201cIf you can raise the money, we\u2019ll match it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we are asking folks to do whatever you can do.\u00a0 If you can give $10 or $20 or $50 or $100 or $500 or $1,000, go online at FamilylifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Your donation will be matched dollar for dollar and it couldn\u2019t come at a better time.\u00a0 So, if you can help us out, 1-800-FL-TODAY, or go online at FamilylifeToday.com and be as generous as you can be and let me just say \u201cthanks\u201d in advance for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I agree with that and I want to say thanks to the listeners for listening because you are why we do what we do here.\u00a0 We are all about helping you in your marriage, in your family, and helping you build it according to God\u2019s blueprints.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Alright, let's talk about purity during the engagement period, time to get the cold water running and set the temperature to icy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have never met a couple who just don\u2019t know how to kiss.\u00a0 I have met several couples who do not know how to establish a relationship.\u00a0 It's natural to kiss and to quickly get in the stream that takes you towards the falls of intercourse.\u00a0 It is like paddling upstream to get to know another person, fighting through misunderstood statements, unmet expectations, disappointments, the realities of the life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Learning to resolve conflict.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yeah, that\u2019s the real stuff of life, and you know what, that\u2019s where engaged couples need to be focusing and majoring.\u00a0 They need to be taking these passions that so want to be expressed physically in finding other avenues, other ways, and there are lots of ways, where you can begin to express your love for that person that you now adore and so want to meet all their needs.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will never forget traveling across the country on an airplane and I was somewhere between Dallas and Southern California, Bob, and the young man seated to my right found out what I did.\u00a0 He asked me the question that a lot of single people are asking today, \u201cHow can I know if the woman that I am dating is the one?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I heard him unfold the story, he just rolled right by the fact that they have been living together for three years like water off a duck's back.\u00a0 After he told the story, I came back to him and I said, \u201cJim, let me ask you a question.\u00a0 How do you figure you are going to hear God\u2019s voice when he has commanded us to abstain from any form of sexual immorality?\u00a0 How do you figure he is hearing your prayer to know if she is the right one?\u00a0 \u201cWell, I have never thought about that,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible is clear on this, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 First Thessalonians 4 verse 3, \u201cFor this is the will of God, your sanctification, that is that you abstain from sexual immorality.\u201d\u00a0 Now, what's unclear about that?\u00a0 I mean it's pretty clear.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe lie and the defeat of a sexual revolution tells us that you can be involved, that\u2019s a form of commitment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>First Corinthian 6, 18 - 20, \u201cFlee immorality.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can express yourself to another person, get to know another person sexually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 \u201cEvery sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.\u00a0 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you whom you have from God, and that you are not your own for you have been bought with the price, therefore, glorify God in your body.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so as we date in junior high, high school, college with single people, before a commitment to another person has ever been made verbally, we are making commitments physically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Matthew 5 verses 27 - 28, Jesus warned that if we even look after a woman with adultery in our hearts, we have committed adultery already.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the lie from the pit of hell is that you can enjoy these dimensions of the sexual relationship without having consequences.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t happen that way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst Thessalonians 4 verse 3, \u201cFor this is the will of God, your sanctification.\u201d\u00a0 And it's interesting here, he says, \u201cThe will of God is that we be sanctified,\u201d that means being made like Christ, being made holy by the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 He goes on to explain what does that look like?\u00a0 He says, \u201cThat is that you abstain from sexual immorality.\u201d\u00a0 The word \u201csexual immorality\u201d there literally means fornication.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that the phrase here that is so clear is the word \u201cabstain.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a strong verb.\u00a0 It means to avoid, it means to stay clear off.\u00a0 It goes on to say that \u201cEach of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion like the gentiles who do not know God.\u00a0 And that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as I have told you before and solemnly warned you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cFor God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.\u201d\u00a0 And then this last verse here, verse 8 says, \u201cConsequently, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives his Holly Spirit to you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you might ask the question at that point, is it just sexual intercourse before marriage that is wrong?\u00a0 And I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 I think what God is warning us about here is stirring up passion its petting, its other forms of sexual involvement where what God intended to occur later on in marriage has been set in motion, and it frustrates you.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s what it means.\u00a0 Don\u2019t defraud your brother when it\u2019s commanding you in first Thessalonians Chapter 4.\u00a0 It means do not stir up desires in a relationship that cannot be righteously satisfied and those desires later on in marriage can be righteously satisfied by becoming one flesh.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSex is a commitment.\u00a0 Sex is a giving to another person.\u00a0 It is a part of the commitment but it occurs because of the commitment.\u00a0 Many couples listening to this broadcast who are engaged have made the commitment to marry another person.\u00a0 That commitment can create a problem.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause for Barbara and me, when we got married, both of us looked back some weeks later at the marriage ceremony and said, \u201cThat was anti-climactic.\u201d\u00a0 We really felt like the deal was sealed, the commitment was made when I asked her to marry me and she said, \u201cYes,\u201d that\u2019s when the commitment was made.\u00a0 And because the commitment was made then, that didn\u2019t make us married but it did make us feel like we had tied the knot.\u00a0 At that point, there is a natural progression that occurs, leave cleave.\u00a0 What happens after cleaving after commitment?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Becoming one flesh.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Becoming one flesh.\u00a0 And couples who have made this commitment to one another are not married, but they are wanting to consummate that marriage relationship.\u00a0 That is only natural.\u00a0 It\u2019s right, it\u2019s not wrong to feel that.\u00a0 But they are not married.\u00a0 Even though you may feel married at points, you are not married and, therefore, you do not have the right nor the privilege to engage in those things that were reserved only for those who have made the commitment public.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might ask the question, \u201cWhy is this so important to discuss?\u201d\u00a0 Well, if we avoid the discussion of this, we are setting up single people to lower their standards in an era where they ought to be challenged to raise their standards.\u00a0 What are you going to say to a single person today who is starting to date people?\u00a0 Keep your bar set on holiness.\u00a0 Don\u2019t drop an inch toward the world.\u00a0 But everything within the culture is challenging them to lower that standard and you know without some coaches, some people cheering them on, they are going to lower that standard.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you are talking about what\u2019s described as petting in a relationship?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are saying that that\u2019s below the holiness standard that God calls us to in a relationship?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, as we are going to look in just a few moments, in First Thessalonians 4, it says \u201cabstain from sexual immorality,\u201d when does immorality begin?\u00a0 The goal the Bible talks about is holiness.\u00a0 It\u2019s not being above average.\u00a0 You are not called just be a cut above the human herd.\u00a0 You are here called to be men and women of God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what does that look like in a dating relationship?\u00a0 Well, I am going to tell you some, it\u2019s not two people who are engaged spending time in an apartment in the bedroom or on the couch or in a car, and being involved in physical, sexual activity that God clearly reserved for marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I remember years ago when Elisabeth Elliot\u2019s book <em>Passion and Purity<\/em> came out and she talked in that book about a standard that was pretty high, not holding hands and not kissing until an engagement had occurred.\u00a0 I remember folks going, \u201cCan you believe what this woman is calling us to?\u201d\u00a0 And yet, she has released a sequel to that book where she talks about couples who honored her counsel and couples who failed to honor her counsel, and the disaster that came on those who are lowered at the bar and the blessing that attended those who maintained a high standard of holiness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those who criticized Elisabeth Elliot ought to be immediately asked, okay, you can criticize her for taking a strong stand, but I\u2019ve got a question for you, \u201cwhat\u2019s your standard?\u00a0 Where would you draw the line?\u201d\u00a0 Well, I don\u2019t want to be legalistic.\u00a0 It\u2019s not legalism; it\u2019s called \u201cconvictions.\u201d\u00a0 And the problem with the Christian community today is that we are quick to cast stones at someone who will hold to a public standard but not so quick to decide what we believe.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat do you believe?\u00a0 What is going to be your sexual purity standard?\u00a0 What\u2019s holiness?\u00a0 Not what is so near to the edge of the cliff that you figure it\u2019s okay, but what\u2019s so far away from the edge of the cliff that it\u2019s getting near the objective of becoming like Jesus Christ which is holiness.\u00a0 And when you set a standard of purity like that, that frees you up to know another person in the way that God designed us to know them prior to marriage, did you hear that, prior to marriage.\u00a0 You aren\u2019t intended to know another person prior to marriage, sexually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd yet, in this culture, Bob, we have passed our bodies around like a lending library and we are wondering why we bring all this baggage into marriage.\u00a0 I have told too many stories around Elisabeth Elliot\u2019s book and around stories that I have in my own life and from others that I have counseled, and people today are longing for some champions.\u00a0 Some single people who will step up and step out and say, I am not going to behave anything like the world.\u00a0 I am not going to do it.\u00a0 I am going to draw a bold standard.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And there are some folks who have maintained a level of moral purity until engagement who now think, \u201cWe really are committed to one another.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a few weeks away, just a formality issue at this point.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t we go ahead and begin to enjoy what is promised to us once we are married?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Two reasons, #1 it\u2019s wrong, and #2 it involve a trust, a sacred trust.\u00a0 Marriage is maintained by two people who trust one another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor many who are listening to our voices today, you know what\u2019s right.\u00a0 You know what\u2019s right. You know what God\u2019s word says, abstain from sexual immorality.\u00a0 Flee youthful lusts.\u00a0 Some need to repent, some need to come clean.\u00a0 Others who have failed and have repented and have come clean and they have set some high standards need to go back to the scripture and realize yes Jesus Christ forgave you.\u00a0 There is abundant grace.\u00a0 There is abundant mercy for any failure, any mistake you have made.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd no matter how challenging we become here on the broadcast, I always want to share with people the ground around the cross at the foot of Jesus Christ is level.\u00a0 We are all on the same footing.\u00a0 We have all failed.\u00a0 There is none perfect.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t do it all right myself.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t today.\u00a0 But I would like to say to you if you have failed, you are feeling ashamed, you need forgiveness, Jesus Christ welcomes you to him right now.\u00a0 And it says in scripture he will remove your sin as far as the east from the west and he will cleanse you and make you as white as snow.\u00a0 That\u2019s a great promise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I think about the interview we did a number of years ago with Heather Jamison, who \u2013 she and her boyfriend were involved sexually prior to marriage.\u00a0 They got married when she became pregnant.\u00a0 The first years of their marriage were very difficult.\u00a0 And she ultimately came back to the fact that although she had been sorry for her sexual involvement prior to marriage, she had never repented like you have talked about.\u00a0 And in her book, <em>Reclaiming Intimacy<\/em>, she outlines the process that God took her husband and her through that brought them to a place to being able to live in that forgiveness that Christ offers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have got copies of that book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center if there are couples who are listening today who find themselves in that situation or if they are engaged couples who have been involved sexually and who recognize a need to address this issue prior to marriage.\u00a0 They can go to FamilylifeToday.com for more information about Heather Jamison\u2019s book and there is also information about the new <em>Preparing for Marriage<\/em> workbook that our team has put together.\u00a0 This workbook has been refreshed and updated and it\u2019s a great tool for an engaged couple to go through to help you address the issues that you need to get out on the table before you walk down the aisle.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to FamilylifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy of any of these books, again our Familylifetoday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 800-F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201cLife\u201d and then the word TODAY, and we can let you know how you can any of the resources we have talked about here sent out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know our goal here at FamilyLife is to provide the kind of practical biblical help for your marriage and your family that you hear on this program each day.\u00a0 That is because we want to see every home become a Godly home.\u00a0 And we very much appreciate those of you who help support all that we are trying to do by supporting this radio program, when you make a donation online at FamilylifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Those of you who spread the word about the Weekend to Remember conference when it comes to a city near where you live or you mention our resources to other when you hear about something on the air or when you go to our website FamilylifeToday.com.\u00a0 We appreciate the partnership we have with you and we are grateful for your passion for marriages and for families.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we want to ask you to consider helping to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with the donation of any amount.\u00a0 We have had some friends who have come along and they have contributed to a matching gift fund that was established, and the total amount of what they\u2019ve pledged so far is up over $300,000.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut in order for us to take advantage of those pledges, to cash in on those pledges, we need <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners here during the month of May to make a donation of any amount in support of the ministry.\u00a0 When you donate, your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar as long as those pledges remain in the fund.\u00a0 So can we encourage you go online at FamilylifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone?\u00a0 And let me just say in advance we do appreciate your support of the ministry and we want to say thanks for whatever you are able to do this month in making a contribution to the ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate you very much.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us tomorrow when we are going to talk about a whole bunch of things that need to be out on the table, just some of the conversations that you need to make sure you have had before you say \u201cI do.\u201d\u00a0 We will talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch, our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["18.54M"],"filesize_raw":["19442914"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302035.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302035.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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engaged, and the finish line is almost in sight!","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s just a bunch of baloney.\u00a0 That\u2019s to be worked out in the marriage relationship.\u00a0 If sexual compatibility was a prerequisite for getting married, then I think God and heaven would have made that clear in scripture.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think that type of counsel has any place in a young person\u2019s life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, May 13<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about maintaining sexual purity during the engagement period and preparing for sexual intimacy after you say \u201cI do.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 This is one of those days when if there is something wrong with the hot water heater at your house, that\u2019s just fine.\u00a0 You are not going to need hot water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, you are now going to need a cold shower.\u00a0 We are going to turn it on and we are going to have three settings cubed, crushed, or glacial.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Something to turn the heat down because you don\u2019t have to do much to fire it up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, you really don\u2019t.\u00a0 In fact, you know the other day, Bob, I was just thinking about this, what an insane culture we have today!\u00a0 I mean on the internet, in music, on TV, on cable, in the movies, all of these shows and messages are about encouraging single people to shack up, have sex, and just go ahead and do it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought are we crazy, I mean look at the number of sexually transmitted diseases today, they are now 50.\u00a0 Think of the emotional scars that people bring into a marriage relationship because they experiment it prior to marriage.\u00a0 Think of the issues of trust.\u00a0 I want to tell you something, this is a relevant message today and <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> doesn\u2019t exist to go along with the flow of the culture.\u00a0 We are all about getting single people some paddles so they an go against the current and swim upstream to have a real relationship with a real person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Andyou might think that a series \u2013 that actually we put most of these together more than a decade ago, you might think it would sound a little dated.\u00a0 But if anything, it's more relevant and more significant in the culture today than it was when we put this material together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, if you look at what's happening among single people today cohabiting is more or less expected.\u00a0 Over six million people today have given up on marriage and are just living together and a lot of them are under the age of 25-30.\u00a0 They are just shacking up.\u00a0 And you know what, that\u2019s not the way God designed it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And it's not healthy for the long-term success of a marriage relationship which is what we have been all about ever since the ministry began back in 1976.\u00a0 Pointing people back to what the scriptures have to say about God\u2019s design for marriage and it's what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> has been all about since we went on the air almost two decades ago now.\u00a0 And Dennis, you stop and think about almost 35 years of ministry that you have been involved with here at FamilyLife and almost two decades of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, it's because of a lot of friends who have joined with us that all of this has been possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right.\u00a0 Donors have made this ministry possible.\u00a0 We would not have gone on radio back in 1992 if we hadn\u2019t had some people step up and say you know what, I stand with you to make this message happen called <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to just picture right now, still listening to Bob and me, what if right now this spot on your dial was led by Howard Stern and his messages about sex?\u00a0 Would you support that?\u00a0 Let me tell you, somebody is to the tune of several hundred million dollars in his pocket.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you know what; I don\u2019t take a penny from this broadcast.\u00a0 I raise my own personal support to work here and we need to come to you today to say you know what, if you believe in a biblical message on marriage and family for today\u2019s single people, today\u2019s married people, and families today, then would you stand alongside us right now, because honestly, Bob, you know what the financial condition of the ministry is, we run a very thrifty operation here.\u00a0 But right now, we need our listeners to step up and stand with us financially with a donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was going to ask you if you had any of those dreams with thin cows in them like Joseph had because it was seven years for them, I just wondered how long you think this\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I hope this doesn\u2019t last seven years the cows could get pretty skinny.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are hoping to take full advantage of a matching gift that has been made available to us here at FamilyLife during the month of May.\u00a0 Some friends have come along and they have pledged more than $300,000 in matching funds.\u00a0 They said, \u201cIf you can raise the money, we\u2019ll match it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we are asking folks to do whatever you can do.\u00a0 If you can give $10 or $20 or $50 or $100 or $500 or $1,000, go online at FamilylifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Your donation will be matched dollar for dollar and it couldn\u2019t come at a better time.\u00a0 So, if you can help us out, 1-800-FL-TODAY, or go online at FamilylifeToday.com and be as generous as you can be and let me just say \u201cthanks\u201d in advance for whatever you are able to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I agree with that and I want to say thanks to the listeners for listening because you are why we do what we do here.\u00a0 We are all about helping you in your marriage, in your family, and helping you build it according to God\u2019s blueprints.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Alright, let's talk about purity during the engagement period, time to get the cold water running and set the temperature to icy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have never met a couple who just don\u2019t know how to kiss.\u00a0 I have met several couples who do not know how to establish a relationship.\u00a0 It's natural to kiss and to quickly get in the stream that takes you towards the falls of intercourse.\u00a0 It is like paddling upstream to get to know another person, fighting through misunderstood statements, unmet expectations, disappointments, the realities of the life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Learning to resolve conflict.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yeah, that\u2019s the real stuff of life, and you know what, that\u2019s where engaged couples need to be focusing and majoring.\u00a0 They need to be taking these passions that so want to be expressed physically in finding other avenues, other ways, and there are lots of ways, where you can begin to express your love for that person that you now adore and so want to meet all their needs.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will never forget traveling across the country on an airplane and I was somewhere between Dallas and Southern California, Bob, and the young man seated to my right found out what I did.\u00a0 He asked me the question that a lot of single people are asking today, \u201cHow can I know if the woman that I am dating is the one?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I heard him unfold the story, he just rolled right by the fact that they have been living together for three years like water off a duck's back.\u00a0 After he told the story, I came back to him and I said, \u201cJim, let me ask you a question.\u00a0 How do you figure you are going to hear God\u2019s voice when he has commanded us to abstain from any form of sexual immorality?\u00a0 How do you figure he is hearing your prayer to know if she is the right one?\u00a0 \u201cWell, I have never thought about that,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible is clear on this, isn\u2019t it?\u00a0 First Thessalonians 4 verse 3, \u201cFor this is the will of God, your sanctification, that is that you abstain from sexual immorality.\u201d\u00a0 Now, what's unclear about that?\u00a0 I mean it's pretty clear.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe lie and the defeat of a sexual revolution tells us that you can be involved, that\u2019s a form of commitment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>First Corinthian 6, 18 - 20, \u201cFlee immorality.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can express yourself to another person, get to know another person sexually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 \u201cEvery sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.\u00a0 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you whom you have from God, and that you are not your own for you have been bought with the price, therefore, glorify God in your body.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so as we date in junior high, high school, college with single people, before a commitment to another person has ever been made verbally, we are making commitments physically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Matthew 5 verses 27 - 28, Jesus warned that if we even look after a woman with adultery in our hearts, we have committed adultery already.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the lie from the pit of hell is that you can enjoy these dimensions of the sexual relationship without having consequences.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t happen that way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst Thessalonians 4 verse 3, \u201cFor this is the will of God, your sanctification.\u201d\u00a0 And it's interesting here, he says, \u201cThe will of God is that we be sanctified,\u201d that means being made like Christ, being made holy by the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 He goes on to explain what does that look like?\u00a0 He says, \u201cThat is that you abstain from sexual immorality.\u201d\u00a0 The word \u201csexual immorality\u201d there literally means fornication.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that the phrase here that is so clear is the word \u201cabstain.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a strong verb.\u00a0 It means to avoid, it means to stay clear off.\u00a0 It goes on to say that \u201cEach of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion like the gentiles who do not know God.\u00a0 And that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as I have told you before and solemnly warned you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cFor God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.\u201d\u00a0 And then this last verse here, verse 8 says, \u201cConsequently, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives his Holly Spirit to you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you might ask the question at that point, is it just sexual intercourse before marriage that is wrong?\u00a0 And I don\u2019t think so.\u00a0 I think what God is warning us about here is stirring up passion its petting, its other forms of sexual involvement where what God intended to occur later on in marriage has been set in motion, and it frustrates you.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s what it means.\u00a0 Don\u2019t defraud your brother when it\u2019s commanding you in first Thessalonians Chapter 4.\u00a0 It means do not stir up desires in a relationship that cannot be righteously satisfied and those desires later on in marriage can be righteously satisfied by becoming one flesh.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSex is a commitment.\u00a0 Sex is a giving to another person.\u00a0 It is a part of the commitment but it occurs because of the commitment.\u00a0 Many couples listening to this broadcast who are engaged have made the commitment to marry another person.\u00a0 That commitment can create a problem.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause for Barbara and me, when we got married, both of us looked back some weeks later at the marriage ceremony and said, \u201cThat was anti-climactic.\u201d\u00a0 We really felt like the deal was sealed, the commitment was made when I asked her to marry me and she said, \u201cYes,\u201d that\u2019s when the commitment was made.\u00a0 And because the commitment was made then, that didn\u2019t make us married but it did make us feel like we had tied the knot.\u00a0 At that point, there is a natural progression that occurs, leave cleave.\u00a0 What happens after cleaving after commitment?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Becoming one flesh.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Becoming one flesh.\u00a0 And couples who have made this commitment to one another are not married, but they are wanting to consummate that marriage relationship.\u00a0 That is only natural.\u00a0 It\u2019s right, it\u2019s not wrong to feel that.\u00a0 But they are not married.\u00a0 Even though you may feel married at points, you are not married and, therefore, you do not have the right nor the privilege to engage in those things that were reserved only for those who have made the commitment public.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might ask the question, \u201cWhy is this so important to discuss?\u201d\u00a0 Well, if we avoid the discussion of this, we are setting up single people to lower their standards in an era where they ought to be challenged to raise their standards.\u00a0 What are you going to say to a single person today who is starting to date people?\u00a0 Keep your bar set on holiness.\u00a0 Don\u2019t drop an inch toward the world.\u00a0 But everything within the culture is challenging them to lower that standard and you know without some coaches, some people cheering them on, they are going to lower that standard.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you are talking about what\u2019s described as petting in a relationship?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are saying that that\u2019s below the holiness standard that God calls us to in a relationship?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, as we are going to look in just a few moments, in First Thessalonians 4, it says \u201cabstain from sexual immorality,\u201d when does immorality begin?\u00a0 The goal the Bible talks about is holiness.\u00a0 It\u2019s not being above average.\u00a0 You are not called just be a cut above the human herd.\u00a0 You are here called to be men and women of God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what does that look like in a dating relationship?\u00a0 Well, I am going to tell you some, it\u2019s not two people who are engaged spending time in an apartment in the bedroom or on the couch or in a car, and being involved in physical, sexual activity that God clearly reserved for marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I remember years ago when Elisabeth Elliot\u2019s book <em>Passion and Purity<\/em> came out and she talked in that book about a standard that was pretty high, not holding hands and not kissing until an engagement had occurred.\u00a0 I remember folks going, \u201cCan you believe what this woman is calling us to?\u201d\u00a0 And yet, she has released a sequel to that book where she talks about couples who honored her counsel and couples who failed to honor her counsel, and the disaster that came on those who are lowered at the bar and the blessing that attended those who maintained a high standard of holiness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those who criticized Elisabeth Elliot ought to be immediately asked, okay, you can criticize her for taking a strong stand, but I\u2019ve got a question for you, \u201cwhat\u2019s your standard?\u00a0 Where would you draw the line?\u201d\u00a0 Well, I don\u2019t want to be legalistic.\u00a0 It\u2019s not legalism; it\u2019s called \u201cconvictions.\u201d\u00a0 And the problem with the Christian community today is that we are quick to cast stones at someone who will hold to a public standard but not so quick to decide what we believe.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat do you believe?\u00a0 What is going to be your sexual purity standard?\u00a0 What\u2019s holiness?\u00a0 Not what is so near to the edge of the cliff that you figure it\u2019s okay, but what\u2019s so far away from the edge of the cliff that it\u2019s getting near the objective of becoming like Jesus Christ which is holiness.\u00a0 And when you set a standard of purity like that, that frees you up to know another person in the way that God designed us to know them prior to marriage, did you hear that, prior to marriage.\u00a0 You aren\u2019t intended to know another person prior to marriage, sexually.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd yet, in this culture, Bob, we have passed our bodies around like a lending library and we are wondering why we bring all this baggage into marriage.\u00a0 I have told too many stories around Elisabeth Elliot\u2019s book and around stories that I have in my own life and from others that I have counseled, and people today are longing for some champions.\u00a0 Some single people who will step up and step out and say, I am not going to behave anything like the world.\u00a0 I am not going to do it.\u00a0 I am going to draw a bold standard.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And there are some folks who have maintained a level of moral purity until engagement who now think, \u201cWe really are committed to one another.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a few weeks away, just a formality issue at this point.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t we go ahead and begin to enjoy what is promised to us once we are married?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Two reasons, #1 it\u2019s wrong, and #2 it involve a trust, a sacred trust.\u00a0 Marriage is maintained by two people who trust one another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor many who are listening to our voices today, you know what\u2019s right.\u00a0 You know what\u2019s right. You know what God\u2019s word says, abstain from sexual immorality.\u00a0 Flee youthful lusts.\u00a0 Some need to repent, some need to come clean.\u00a0 Others who have failed and have repented and have come clean and they have set some high standards need to go back to the scripture and realize yes Jesus Christ forgave you.\u00a0 There is abundant grace.\u00a0 There is abundant mercy for any failure, any mistake you have made.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd no matter how challenging we become here on the broadcast, I always want to share with people the ground around the cross at the foot of Jesus Christ is level.\u00a0 We are all on the same footing.\u00a0 We have all failed.\u00a0 There is none perfect.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t do it all right myself.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t today.\u00a0 But I would like to say to you if you have failed, you are feeling ashamed, you need forgiveness, Jesus Christ welcomes you to him right now.\u00a0 And it says in scripture he will remove your sin as far as the east from the west and he will cleanse you and make you as white as snow.\u00a0 That\u2019s a great promise.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I think about the interview we did a number of years ago with Heather Jamison, who \u2013 she and her boyfriend were involved sexually prior to marriage.\u00a0 They got married when she became pregnant.\u00a0 The first years of their marriage were very difficult.\u00a0 And she ultimately came back to the fact that although she had been sorry for her sexual involvement prior to marriage, she had never repented like you have talked about.\u00a0 And in her book, <em>Reclaiming Intimacy<\/em>, she outlines the process that God took her husband and her through that brought them to a place to being able to live in that forgiveness that Christ offers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we have got copies of that book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center if there are couples who are listening today who find themselves in that situation or if they are engaged couples who have been involved sexually and who recognize a need to address this issue prior to marriage.\u00a0 They can go to FamilylifeToday.com for more information about Heather Jamison\u2019s book and there is also information about the new <em>Preparing for Marriage<\/em> workbook that our team has put together.\u00a0 This workbook has been refreshed and updated and it\u2019s a great tool for an engaged couple to go through to help you address the issues that you need to get out on the table before you walk down the aisle.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to FamilylifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy of any of these books, again our Familylifetoday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 800-F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201cLife\u201d and then the word TODAY, and we can let you know how you can any of the resources we have talked about here sent out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know our goal here at FamilyLife is to provide the kind of practical biblical help for your marriage and your family that you hear on this program each day.\u00a0 That is because we want to see every home become a Godly home.\u00a0 And we very much appreciate those of you who help support all that we are trying to do by supporting this radio program, when you make a donation online at FamilylifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Those of you who spread the word about the Weekend to Remember conference when it comes to a city near where you live or you mention our resources to other when you hear about something on the air or when you go to our website FamilylifeToday.com.\u00a0 We appreciate the partnership we have with you and we are grateful for your passion for marriages and for families.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we want to ask you to consider helping to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with the donation of any amount.\u00a0 We have had some friends who have come along and they have contributed to a matching gift fund that was established, and the total amount of what they\u2019ve pledged so far is up over $300,000.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut in order for us to take advantage of those pledges, to cash in on those pledges, we need <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners here during the month of May to make a donation of any amount in support of the ministry.\u00a0 When you donate, your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar as long as those pledges remain in the fund.\u00a0 So can we encourage you go online at FamilylifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone?\u00a0 And let me just say in advance we do appreciate your support of the ministry and we want to say thanks for whatever you are able to do this month in making a contribution to the ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate you very much.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us tomorrow when we are going to talk about a whole bunch of things that need to be out on the table, just some of the conversations that you need to make sure you have had before you say \u201cI do.\u201d\u00a0 We will talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch, our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302035","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302035"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302035"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302035"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302035"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302035"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302035"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302035"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}