{"id":302032,"date":"2010-05-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/making-the-decision-moving-from-do-i-to-i-do\/"},"modified":"2010-05-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-05-11T15:00:00","slug":"making-the-decision-moving-from-do-i-to-i-do","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/making-the-decision-moving-from-do-i-to-i-do\/","title":{"rendered":"Making the Decision:  Moving From &#8220;Do I?&#8221; to &#8220;I Do&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you know when to marry?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"20.59M","filesize_raw":"21588091","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2807],"tags":[4018,4822,5152],"podcast_series":[7726],"cwp_profile":[3048,9108],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302032","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-engagements-and-weddings","tag-dating","tag-engagement","tag-young-adult","podcast_series-more-than-a-wedding-a-closer-look","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","cwp_profile-various","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302032\/making-the-decision-moving-from-do-i-to-i-do","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302032\/making-the-decision-moving-from-do-i-to-i-do","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Ukm84hdfDZ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/making-the-decision-moving-from-do-i-to-i-do\/\">Making the Decision:  Moving From &#8220;Do I?&#8221; to &#8220;I Do&#8221;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/making-the-decision-moving-from-do-i-to-i-do\/embed\/#?secret=Ukm84hdfDZ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Making the Decision:  Moving From &#8220;Do I?&#8221; to &#8220;I Do&#8221;&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Ukm84hdfDZ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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great deal to her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing I told her was that could you believe God could give you someone else that you could love more than Randy?\u00a0 She paused and thought about that and realized that maybe perhaps God could give her someone else in the future.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing I told her I told her in the form of a parable about a little boy by the name of Johnny.\u00a0 Johnny was about 4 and a half or 5 years old and he was playing out in the front lawn of his house one day when his uncle drove up.\u00a0 His uncle kind of bent down on one knee and said, \u201cJohnny boy, I will give you a dollar next week or a dime today, which would you rather have?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe held up the dime and he said, \u201cI will give you this today\u201d and he held up the crisp greenback and said, \u201cI will give you this next week.\u00a0 Which would you rather have?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, little Johnny he thought let\u2019s see that would be a package of a potato chips today or a rubber ball next week.\u00a0 Now this was back when a dime would buy a package of potato chips.\u00a0 And he was struck with that hunger pain so he reached up with his grubby dirty hands and took the dime and went out and bought the package of potato chips and wolfed it down.\u00a0 They were delicious.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next week rolled around and guess what?\u00a0 Everybody on Johnny\u2019s block had a rubber ball and they were bouncing their rubber balls.\u00a0 And of course the moral of the story is as I told this young lady that I was counseling her, can you believe that my best buddy may be a dime and that God has got a dollar for you later on if you\u2019ll but wait on him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat made a lot of sense to the young lady and she decided that that young man was not a dollar but was indeed a dime and she went her own way and began the healing process of getting over that relationship.\u00a0 Well I didn\u2019t realize that at that time and it\u2019s a true story.\u00a0 But one year and approximately two months later that woman would become my wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter) That\u2019s right you are looking at her dollar right here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Tuesday, May 11<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to hear some of Dennis\u2019s counsel on how we moved from \u201cdo I?\u201d to \u201cI do\u201d during the engagement period that\u2019s coming up next.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t even know those cassettes were still around anymore, did you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I didn\u2019t, kind of fun to listen to that youthful voice back then.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well as a matter of fact, folks are going to hear a little more youthful voice today because what we are featuring this week is some classic material on the engagement period.\u00a0 You know this is an issue that actually when you go back to the beginning of FamilyLife this was your focus back at the beginning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, the reason we started FamilyLife back in 1976 was all about engaged people or those who were contemplating getting engaged.\u00a0 And frankly I still think it\u2019s one of the best things we do Bob is to take and equip them for what I believe is the second most important commitment in life.\u00a0 Who you select as a marriage partner and how you are going to build your marriage and family in the future.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 You just want to sober them up a little bit, get the stars out of their eyes, and help them to see reality a little better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well think about for a moment.\u00a0 We spend so little in terms of money, time, energy really getting prepared to live a lifetime with another imperfect person.\u00a0 I mean it\u2019s a setup for the divorce rate today.\u00a0 And it\u2019s why we do what we do here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We are all about equipping listeners and their marriages, their families with the biblical blueprints.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well and you mentioned things got started back in 1976 almost 35 years now and the only way that\u2019s been possible is because there have been friends of the ministry who have helped support it and make it possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well in 1992 we hired you and you helped start <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and it was all about broadening our coverage, equipping more people with the biblical blueprints for building a godly marriage and family.\u00a0 I have to say that over the years, God has supplied and he supplied through legacy partners those who give monthly and he has also supplied with people who make a donation to FamilyLife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this month frankly we are coming to our listeners saying we need your help.\u00a0 As you know we have been in a recession for some time and non-profits have been hit really hard.\u00a0 We run a lean ship here at FamilyLife, but right now we are running behind.\u00a0 And in this month, the month of May, your gift is going to be matched dollar for dollar all the way up to more than $300,000 and that\u2019s really why I am coming to you today to say if you can give right now would be a very good time to write out a check or call and make a pledge to give to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number to call or you can make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com and as Dennis said your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar thanks to some friends who have made pledges to match those funds as long as we hear from <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners they will take care of the matching part.\u00a0 So we hope to hear from you.\u00a0 Again if you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation it would be timely and we just want to say thanks in advance for whatever you are able to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes and I just want to say thanks to the listeners for listening.\u00a0 You and I run into listeners all over the country and it\u2019s an honor to meet you and it\u2019s an honor to do this broadcast to help you, your marriage, your family and your legacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well and speaking of legacies there are a lot of new legacies going to get started here I guess during the month of May and June, those are the big wedding months so we thought it would be timely to make our focus this week on the premarital preparation period and what couples ought to be focusing on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are featuring some classic material from <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>this week and actually what listeners are going to hear is we got started today is you dragging out an old newspaper clipping.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What is that the <em>Arkansas Gazette<\/em> from what date?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Look at the date on it, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Sunday, January 9<sup>th<\/sup>, 1977, that\u2019s the bridal section.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 It is the People &amp; Events section and on this page there are close to 15 brides.\u00a0 This was the first year of FamilyLife was in existence and I kept this as an illustration because of those 15 brides how many of them do you think are still married?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 That would be interesting to find out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 It would be interesting to know.\u00a0 This page is now broken in half statistically most likely half of those marriages are no longer in place.\u00a0 What\u2019s interesting is in that same paper Bob you can turn back over to the divorce section and you will find a long list of names.\u00a0 They don\u2019t take pictures when you get a divorce.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMarriage was intended to be for keeps.\u00a0 It was meant to be two people committed to God and to one another to make this relationship called marriage last a lifetime.\u00a0 And yet we are not doing a very good job even within the Christian community of making our marriages work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about it.\u00a0 We spent 16 years in formal education, a lot of people who are your college graduates before we take a job.\u00a0 We spend months sometimes reading <em>Consumer Reports<\/em> about the dishwasher we are going to buy, the automobile, and the stereo system.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 The toaster you know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes and we are wondering which one is the best and yet you go back to marriage and all of a sudden you get two people who are romantically enthralled with one another and we think hey, it will always be like this.\u00a0 And yet it\u2019s not always like this.\u00a0 That newspaper I just held up with the long list of people getting a divorce points out that people are not being successful today when it comes to making their covenant a lifetime commitment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 But you know there are folks who go through the workbook and still walk away and go I am just not sure.\u00a0 I am having a hard time making up my mind on this, it is a lifetime decision.\u00a0 I mean I don\u2019t want to make the wrong decision.\u00a0 How can I know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I have probably counseled 500 pre-marriages who have been fence-sitters who have been afraid of making the commitment.\u00a0 These fears begin to take over.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s the fear of saying you are going to spend the rest of your life with just one person.\u00a0 The fear of being known, taking the risk of allowing another person to know you and maybe it\u2019s the fear of being hurt.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s the fear that you are not going to be able to fulfill your assignment in the marriage relationship.\u00a0 All of these fears begin to take their toll and that\u2019s why you need to get godly counsel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe passage that I take an individual to who is dealing with fear is 1John 4 verse 18, \u201cthere is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.\u201d\u00a0 In other words when two people love each other with the love of Christ that love ought to begin to assassinate fear.\u00a0 It ought to cast it out of the other person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember when Barbara and I were dating we had tons of fears that all of a sudden began to surface in the relationship, but Bob none of the fears were fears that should have caused us to terminate the relationship or keep us from getting married.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 So if I am experiencing fear in trying to make a decision if I can\u2019t move ahead you are saying I should seek some godly counsel. Ask some other people to give me some advice in this and then I should ask the question are my fears intensifying or are they abating and if they are moving being assassinated like you mentioned then is that an indication that it\u2019s okay to move ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well not necessarily because it depends upon what the fears are.\u00a0 If you are afraid of whether that other person is going to be a spiritual leader.\u00a0 A spiritual person in that marriage relationship and whether or not they are going to remain committed to you for a lifetime then that fear is worth, well that\u2019s worthy of throwing an anchor overboard and slowing this ship down a bit and saying hold on I think we need to address something here with a third party.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well you talk about a fear, the fear of breaking an engagement is a huge fear especially if the invitations are out, that gifts are coming in and you think you don\u2019t know what this will do to my mom if I cancel the engagement.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Tremendous embarrassment, I will never forget a young man who came to me for advice who was thinking about breaking off this engagement with a young lady.\u00a0 And unfortunately, I wasn\u2019t mature enough or strong enough in my own Christian walk to give him the advice he needed to hear.\u00a0 The issues he was raising were substantial.\u00a0 In other words they should not have gotten married, but I wasn\u2019t a mature Christian.\u00a0 I was just a fellow struggler at that point, I wasn\u2019t even married myself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, less than 10 years later that marriage ended in a divorce and it involved a couple of kids.\u00a0 If he had gone to an older person who would have heard him express his doubts at that point that older person would have been able to have clearly heard what it was at stake here and said you know what?\u00a0 Let\u2019s slow this thing down a bit.\u00a0 Let\u2019s put off this marriage for a while and maybe even send out some notes to people saying this engagement has been put on hold.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Ultimately though to break off an engagement whatever embarrassment or shame there is there does not compare to the hurt that man experienced 10 years down the road when his marriage dissolved.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 No but when you are about to make a commitment to another person that clearly goes against scripture.\u00a0 You are headed for heartache.\u00a0 You are headed for trouble and it\u2019s just a matter of time before that decision that is made outside the will of God because the scripture is the revealed will of God to us.\u00a0 It tells us we should not marry a person who is not a Christian.\u00a0 We should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Alright let me tell me about a friend of mine whose name was Lisa and after years of not receiving a whole lot of male attention she started to get some male attention from a young man who she fell for who was not a believer.\u00a0 I had the opportunity to caution her, to warn her, to let her know that she shouldn\u2019t pursue a relationship here, but she kind of pressed ahead.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe came to work one morning, we worked together and she walked in and said well it happened last night.\u00a0 We were up until about 2 in the morning talking about spiritual issues and he finally prayed the prayer.\u00a0 And in her mind all the lights that had been yellow or even red had now just flashed green.\u00a0 Should she have felt comfortable pressing ahead with this young man at that point?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, not until that young man had show even of a track record spiritually speaking to give her confidence that he could be the spiritual leader of that relationship especially if she was the one who lead him to Christ.\u00a0 I think there have been a lot of young men make church commitments in the midst of dating an attractive young lady.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn other words, there are young men who would stoop so low as to fake a spiritual commitment to be able to get the person they love the most into a permanent relationship called marriage.\u00a0 And that may sound cruel, that may sound like it\u2019s manipulative and it is but it happens.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 If marriage is a spiritual relationship and if it is dependent upon two people who are independently being obedient to Jesus Christ and submitting to his authority and to the authority of God\u2019s word, then what is the hope of achieving a great marriage if you don\u2019t have two people who are pressing on towards spiritual maturity individually.\u00a0 The hope of any marriage to be all that God intended must find him at the center and that does not happen overnight.\u00a0 That is a trained, learned, developed discipline that should be evident in a person\u2019s life before they walk down the wedding aisle.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 So if you have been acquainted with somebody, but not dating them and they make a spiritual commitment and now you think okay maybe the water is safe to go in how long do you watch?\u00a0 What do you look for to know that you can in fact move toward marriage with somebody?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I would say a couple of years.\u00a0 Now that may sound cruel but frankly what\u2019s the rest of your life worth?\u00a0 Over in Galatians 5 it says \u201cbut the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow the key word there is fruit.\u00a0 The fruit of the Spirit takes time to mature and to develop.\u00a0 And I say to the young lady or the young man who is in a relationship with a new believer give them time to mature.\u00a0 You stand to gain far more than you stand to lose.\u00a0 If you rush ahead though you stand to lose a great deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>(Creative piece from \u201cA Catered Affair\u201d a Broadway musical)<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Speaker<\/strong>:\u00a0 You\u2019re sure that\u2019s what you want, get married at City Hall?\u00a0 I am sure, because getting a good start, that\u2019s the trick of it to make a good start.\u00a0 Jane.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jane<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Speaker<\/strong>:\u00a0 Janie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jane<\/strong>:\u00a0 What?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Speaker<\/strong>:\u00a0 It\u2019s a big thing, getting married.\u00a0 You got to look before you leap.\u00a0 You got to pick somebody to keep so that when his hair is mostly gone and your waist is not so slim, you will still be with him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jane<\/strong>:\u00a0 Ma, I have known Ralph over 2 years now.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Speaker<\/strong>:\u00a0 I am not saying you don\u2019t know him.\u00a0 And I am not saying he don\u2019t care, but still you got to prepare.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>(END)<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Do you remember when you and Barbara were dating and you had a short dating period and short engagement didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 We did.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Do you remember asking the Lord is it okay for me to pursue this woman and to marry her?\u00a0 How did you hear the voice of God clearly?\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t audible, was it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And there was no fleece on the backyard that was dry the next morning when everything else was wet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 No, none of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 So how did you wake up one morning and know it\u2019s okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well first of all biblically we weren\u2019t betraying any scriptural mandate.\u00a0 We weren\u2019t going against any biblical advise, biblical commands or biblical imperatives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And that\u2019s where couples who are involved sexually with one another they have kind of taken themselves out of the loop for knowing God\u2019s will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well it says, in the psalms if I regard iniquity in my heart the Lord will not hear me.\u00a0 To me that\u2019s a frightening promise of scripture as well as a warning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing it was true was our relationship was built around a shared spiritual mission.\u00a0 We had spiritual experiences that we were involved with as a couple and in our particular case it was around Explo \u201872 which was a rally in the Cotton Bowl in 1972 where nearly a 100,000 high school, college students and adults came together to be trained and how they could share their faith.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA third thing that I think was true is we had a growing friendship.\u00a0 We liked each other.\u00a0 We connected with each other.\u00a0 There was a kindred spirit.\u00a0 There was an enjoyment in being together.\u00a0 And some of our listeners may say, \u201cGosh, now aren\u2019t you getting a little basic at that point.\u201d\u00a0 Well you know I have counseled couples who are so desperate to be married, they are about to marry somebody they don\u2019t like.\u00a0 That\u2019s not the direction to head.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFourth, there were several mature Christians who encouraged us in our relationship.\u00a0 There were no red lights, lot of green lights from godly counselors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then finally fifth, as I prayed about it and as Barbara prayed about it and as we thought about it and as we talked about it with one another and continued to pray about it before God, we felt like God was leading us in that direction.\u00a0 So we made a decision not on the basis of sight but on a basis of faith.\u00a0 In other words we believed God was leading us together as a couple.\u00a0 We made that decision and as a result of the decision God\u2019s peace came.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, I think this is so important because some couples when they make this decision there is no peace.\u00a0 There is doubt.\u00a0 There is increased fear.\u00a0 There is a troubled heart.\u00a0 I am saying if those are increasing in your life after you have made the decision by faith in the trustworthiness of God and his word to move towards marriage.\u00a0 If those things fear, doubt, turmoil are true of your life then you need to slow down or you need to break off the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well it certainly would seem that going through a process together like walking through the <em>Preparing for Marriage<\/em> workbook that should help couples clarify issues and gain a sense of peace about their decision.\u00a0 And if they are able to do it with a mentor couple, that is all the better because they will have godly advice steering them in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 This workbook was designed to aid a couple in not only securing that decision but of beginning their marriage on the very best foundation possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, and I think the enhancements that have been made, the revisions and the updating that is been done recently by our team makes something that has always been good even better and even easier for a mentor couple to use as they engage with a younger couple.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage listeners go to our website <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> and there is information available there on how you can get a copy of the <em>Preparing for Marriage<\/em> workbook or how you an get multiple copies so there is one for you, one for your fianc\u00e9, maybe a copy or two for the mentor couple that\u2019s going to take you through the material.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> for more information on how you can order copies of this workbook or call toll free 1-800-358-6329 that\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need to say a quick word of thanks to the listeners that we have heard from already this month who have been responding to the matching gift challenge that we have talked about here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We had some friends of the ministry who came along and offered to match every donation that we receive during the month of May on a dollar for dollar basis and the matching gift fund that they have established has now more than $300,000 worth of pledges in the fund.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we are going to take advantage of those pledges and cash it on them we need as many of our listeners as possible to go online or to call 1-800-FL-TODAY, make a donation to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and again when you do your donation is doubled.\u00a0 So if you say well I can\u2019t do much, we could maybe give $10 that is going to be a $20 by the time it\u2019s done.\u00a0 So if you say we can give $50 or $100 whatever you can do, that donation will be doubled as long as there are still funds in the matching gift fund and as I said it is up over $300,000 at this point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo can we encourage you to go online at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and help support this ministry, help keep us on the air on this station and on our entire network of stations all across the country by making a donation during the month of May.\u00a0 Again you can donate online at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and we do appreciate your financial partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to invite you back tomorrow.\u00a0 We are going to talk about what couples can do during the engagement period.\u00a0 What kinds of things they can be focused on to help them get better prepared for what comes after you say \u201cI do.\u201d\u00a0 We will talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host Dennis Rainey and I am Bob Lepine, we will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["20.59M"],"filesize_raw":["21588091"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-302032.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-302032.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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do you know when to marry?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-05-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 And so he asked that the relationship be off again.\u00a0 It was on and off, hot and cold and she was really fearful and upset and wasn\u2019t quite sure about the relationship.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t know what was going on.\u00a0 So she came to me for counsel and I told her two things that she said meant a great deal to her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing I told her was that could you believe God could give you someone else that you could love more than Randy?\u00a0 She paused and thought about that and realized that maybe perhaps God could give her someone else in the future.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing I told her I told her in the form of a parable about a little boy by the name of Johnny.\u00a0 Johnny was about 4 and a half or 5 years old and he was playing out in the front lawn of his house one day when his uncle drove up.\u00a0 His uncle kind of bent down on one knee and said, \u201cJohnny boy, I will give you a dollar next week or a dime today, which would you rather have?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe held up the dime and he said, \u201cI will give you this today\u201d and he held up the crisp greenback and said, \u201cI will give you this next week.\u00a0 Which would you rather have?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, little Johnny he thought let\u2019s see that would be a package of a potato chips today or a rubber ball next week.\u00a0 Now this was back when a dime would buy a package of potato chips.\u00a0 And he was struck with that hunger pain so he reached up with his grubby dirty hands and took the dime and went out and bought the package of potato chips and wolfed it down.\u00a0 They were delicious.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next week rolled around and guess what?\u00a0 Everybody on Johnny\u2019s block had a rubber ball and they were bouncing their rubber balls.\u00a0 And of course the moral of the story is as I told this young lady that I was counseling her, can you believe that my best buddy may be a dime and that God has got a dollar for you later on if you\u2019ll but wait on him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat made a lot of sense to the young lady and she decided that that young man was not a dollar but was indeed a dime and she went her own way and began the healing process of getting over that relationship.\u00a0 Well I didn\u2019t realize that at that time and it\u2019s a true story.\u00a0 But one year and approximately two months later that woman would become my wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter) That\u2019s right you are looking at her dollar right here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Tuesday, May 11<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to hear some of Dennis\u2019s counsel on how we moved from \u201cdo I?\u201d to \u201cI do\u201d during the engagement period that\u2019s coming up next.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t even know those cassettes were still around anymore, did you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I didn\u2019t, kind of fun to listen to that youthful voice back then.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well as a matter of fact, folks are going to hear a little more youthful voice today because what we are featuring this week is some classic material on the engagement period.\u00a0 You know this is an issue that actually when you go back to the beginning of FamilyLife this was your focus back at the beginning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, the reason we started FamilyLife back in 1976 was all about engaged people or those who were contemplating getting engaged.\u00a0 And frankly I still think it\u2019s one of the best things we do Bob is to take and equip them for what I believe is the second most important commitment in life.\u00a0 Who you select as a marriage partner and how you are going to build your marriage and family in the future.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 You just want to sober them up a little bit, get the stars out of their eyes, and help them to see reality a little better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well think about for a moment.\u00a0 We spend so little in terms of money, time, energy really getting prepared to live a lifetime with another imperfect person.\u00a0 I mean it\u2019s a setup for the divorce rate today.\u00a0 And it\u2019s why we do what we do here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We are all about equipping listeners and their marriages, their families with the biblical blueprints.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well and you mentioned things got started back in 1976 almost 35 years now and the only way that\u2019s been possible is because there have been friends of the ministry who have helped support it and make it possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well in 1992 we hired you and you helped start <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and it was all about broadening our coverage, equipping more people with the biblical blueprints for building a godly marriage and family.\u00a0 I have to say that over the years, God has supplied and he supplied through legacy partners those who give monthly and he has also supplied with people who make a donation to FamilyLife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd this month frankly we are coming to our listeners saying we need your help.\u00a0 As you know we have been in a recession for some time and non-profits have been hit really hard.\u00a0 We run a lean ship here at FamilyLife, but right now we are running behind.\u00a0 And in this month, the month of May, your gift is going to be matched dollar for dollar all the way up to more than $300,000 and that\u2019s really why I am coming to you today to say if you can give right now would be a very good time to write out a check or call and make a pledge to give to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number to call or you can make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com and as Dennis said your donation is going to be matched dollar for dollar thanks to some friends who have made pledges to match those funds as long as we hear from <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners they will take care of the matching part.\u00a0 So we hope to hear from you.\u00a0 Again if you can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation it would be timely and we just want to say thanks in advance for whatever you are able to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes and I just want to say thanks to the listeners for listening.\u00a0 You and I run into listeners all over the country and it\u2019s an honor to meet you and it\u2019s an honor to do this broadcast to help you, your marriage, your family and your legacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well and speaking of legacies there are a lot of new legacies going to get started here I guess during the month of May and June, those are the big wedding months so we thought it would be timely to make our focus this week on the premarital preparation period and what couples ought to be focusing on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are featuring some classic material from <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>this week and actually what listeners are going to hear is we got started today is you dragging out an old newspaper clipping.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What is that the <em>Arkansas Gazette<\/em> from what date?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Look at the date on it, Bob.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Sunday, January 9<sup>th<\/sup>, 1977, that\u2019s the bridal section.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 It is the People &amp; Events section and on this page there are close to 15 brides.\u00a0 This was the first year of FamilyLife was in existence and I kept this as an illustration because of those 15 brides how many of them do you think are still married?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 That would be interesting to find out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 It would be interesting to know.\u00a0 This page is now broken in half statistically most likely half of those marriages are no longer in place.\u00a0 What\u2019s interesting is in that same paper Bob you can turn back over to the divorce section and you will find a long list of names.\u00a0 They don\u2019t take pictures when you get a divorce.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMarriage was intended to be for keeps.\u00a0 It was meant to be two people committed to God and to one another to make this relationship called marriage last a lifetime.\u00a0 And yet we are not doing a very good job even within the Christian community of making our marriages work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about it.\u00a0 We spent 16 years in formal education, a lot of people who are your college graduates before we take a job.\u00a0 We spend months sometimes reading <em>Consumer Reports<\/em> about the dishwasher we are going to buy, the automobile, and the stereo system.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 The toaster you know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes and we are wondering which one is the best and yet you go back to marriage and all of a sudden you get two people who are romantically enthralled with one another and we think hey, it will always be like this.\u00a0 And yet it\u2019s not always like this.\u00a0 That newspaper I just held up with the long list of people getting a divorce points out that people are not being successful today when it comes to making their covenant a lifetime commitment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 But you know there are folks who go through the workbook and still walk away and go I am just not sure.\u00a0 I am having a hard time making up my mind on this, it is a lifetime decision.\u00a0 I mean I don\u2019t want to make the wrong decision.\u00a0 How can I know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I have probably counseled 500 pre-marriages who have been fence-sitters who have been afraid of making the commitment.\u00a0 These fears begin to take over.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s the fear of saying you are going to spend the rest of your life with just one person.\u00a0 The fear of being known, taking the risk of allowing another person to know you and maybe it\u2019s the fear of being hurt.\u00a0 Maybe it\u2019s the fear that you are not going to be able to fulfill your assignment in the marriage relationship.\u00a0 All of these fears begin to take their toll and that\u2019s why you need to get godly counsel.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe passage that I take an individual to who is dealing with fear is 1John 4 verse 18, \u201cthere is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.\u201d\u00a0 In other words when two people love each other with the love of Christ that love ought to begin to assassinate fear.\u00a0 It ought to cast it out of the other person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember when Barbara and I were dating we had tons of fears that all of a sudden began to surface in the relationship, but Bob none of the fears were fears that should have caused us to terminate the relationship or keep us from getting married.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 So if I am experiencing fear in trying to make a decision if I can\u2019t move ahead you are saying I should seek some godly counsel. Ask some other people to give me some advice in this and then I should ask the question are my fears intensifying or are they abating and if they are moving being assassinated like you mentioned then is that an indication that it\u2019s okay to move ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well not necessarily because it depends upon what the fears are.\u00a0 If you are afraid of whether that other person is going to be a spiritual leader.\u00a0 A spiritual person in that marriage relationship and whether or not they are going to remain committed to you for a lifetime then that fear is worth, well that\u2019s worthy of throwing an anchor overboard and slowing this ship down a bit and saying hold on I think we need to address something here with a third party.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well you talk about a fear, the fear of breaking an engagement is a huge fear especially if the invitations are out, that gifts are coming in and you think you don\u2019t know what this will do to my mom if I cancel the engagement.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Tremendous embarrassment, I will never forget a young man who came to me for advice who was thinking about breaking off this engagement with a young lady.\u00a0 And unfortunately, I wasn\u2019t mature enough or strong enough in my own Christian walk to give him the advice he needed to hear.\u00a0 The issues he was raising were substantial.\u00a0 In other words they should not have gotten married, but I wasn\u2019t a mature Christian.\u00a0 I was just a fellow struggler at that point, I wasn\u2019t even married myself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, less than 10 years later that marriage ended in a divorce and it involved a couple of kids.\u00a0 If he had gone to an older person who would have heard him express his doubts at that point that older person would have been able to have clearly heard what it was at stake here and said you know what?\u00a0 Let\u2019s slow this thing down a bit.\u00a0 Let\u2019s put off this marriage for a while and maybe even send out some notes to people saying this engagement has been put on hold.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Ultimately though to break off an engagement whatever embarrassment or shame there is there does not compare to the hurt that man experienced 10 years down the road when his marriage dissolved.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 No but when you are about to make a commitment to another person that clearly goes against scripture.\u00a0 You are headed for heartache.\u00a0 You are headed for trouble and it\u2019s just a matter of time before that decision that is made outside the will of God because the scripture is the revealed will of God to us.\u00a0 It tells us we should not marry a person who is not a Christian.\u00a0 We should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Alright let me tell me about a friend of mine whose name was Lisa and after years of not receiving a whole lot of male attention she started to get some male attention from a young man who she fell for who was not a believer.\u00a0 I had the opportunity to caution her, to warn her, to let her know that she shouldn\u2019t pursue a relationship here, but she kind of pressed ahead.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe came to work one morning, we worked together and she walked in and said well it happened last night.\u00a0 We were up until about 2 in the morning talking about spiritual issues and he finally prayed the prayer.\u00a0 And in her mind all the lights that had been yellow or even red had now just flashed green.\u00a0 Should she have felt comfortable pressing ahead with this young man at that point?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, not until that young man had show even of a track record spiritually speaking to give her confidence that he could be the spiritual leader of that relationship especially if she was the one who lead him to Christ.\u00a0 I think there have been a lot of young men make church commitments in the midst of dating an attractive young lady.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn other words, there are young men who would stoop so low as to fake a spiritual commitment to be able to get the person they love the most into a permanent relationship called marriage.\u00a0 And that may sound cruel, that may sound like it\u2019s manipulative and it is but it happens.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 If marriage is a spiritual relationship and if it is dependent upon two people who are independently being obedient to Jesus Christ and submitting to his authority and to the authority of God\u2019s word, then what is the hope of achieving a great marriage if you don\u2019t have two people who are pressing on towards spiritual maturity individually.\u00a0 The hope of any marriage to be all that God intended must find him at the center and that does not happen overnight.\u00a0 That is a trained, learned, developed discipline that should be evident in a person\u2019s life before they walk down the wedding aisle.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 So if you have been acquainted with somebody, but not dating them and they make a spiritual commitment and now you think okay maybe the water is safe to go in how long do you watch?\u00a0 What do you look for to know that you can in fact move toward marriage with somebody?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I would say a couple of years.\u00a0 Now that may sound cruel but frankly what\u2019s the rest of your life worth?\u00a0 Over in Galatians 5 it says \u201cbut the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow the key word there is fruit.\u00a0 The fruit of the Spirit takes time to mature and to develop.\u00a0 And I say to the young lady or the young man who is in a relationship with a new believer give them time to mature.\u00a0 You stand to gain far more than you stand to lose.\u00a0 If you rush ahead though you stand to lose a great deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>(Creative piece from \u201cA Catered Affair\u201d a Broadway musical)<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Speaker<\/strong>:\u00a0 You\u2019re sure that\u2019s what you want, get married at City Hall?\u00a0 I am sure, because getting a good start, that\u2019s the trick of it to make a good start.\u00a0 Jane.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jane<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Speaker<\/strong>:\u00a0 Janie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jane<\/strong>:\u00a0 What?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Speaker<\/strong>:\u00a0 It\u2019s a big thing, getting married.\u00a0 You got to look before you leap.\u00a0 You got to pick somebody to keep so that when his hair is mostly gone and your waist is not so slim, you will still be with him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jane<\/strong>:\u00a0 Ma, I have known Ralph over 2 years now.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Speaker<\/strong>:\u00a0 I am not saying you don\u2019t know him.\u00a0 And I am not saying he don\u2019t care, but still you got to prepare.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>(END)<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Do you remember when you and Barbara were dating and you had a short dating period and short engagement didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 We did.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Do you remember asking the Lord is it okay for me to pursue this woman and to marry her?\u00a0 How did you hear the voice of God clearly?\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t audible, was it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And there was no fleece on the backyard that was dry the next morning when everything else was wet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 No, none of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 So how did you wake up one morning and know it\u2019s okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well first of all biblically we weren\u2019t betraying any scriptural mandate.\u00a0 We weren\u2019t going against any biblical advise, biblical commands or biblical imperatives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And that\u2019s where couples who are involved sexually with one another they have kind of taken themselves out of the loop for knowing God\u2019s will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well it says, in the psalms if I regard iniquity in my heart the Lord will not hear me.\u00a0 To me that\u2019s a frightening promise of scripture as well as a warning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing it was true was our relationship was built around a shared spiritual mission.\u00a0 We had spiritual experiences that we were involved with as a couple and in our particular case it was around Explo \u201872 which was a rally in the Cotton Bowl in 1972 where nearly a 100,000 high school, college students and adults came together to be trained and how they could share their faith.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA third thing that I think was true is we had a growing friendship.\u00a0 We liked each other.\u00a0 We connected with each other.\u00a0 There was a kindred spirit.\u00a0 There was an enjoyment in being together.\u00a0 And some of our listeners may say, \u201cGosh, now aren\u2019t you getting a little basic at that point.\u201d\u00a0 Well you know I have counseled couples who are so desperate to be married, they are about to marry somebody they don\u2019t like.\u00a0 That\u2019s not the direction to head.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFourth, there were several mature Christians who encouraged us in our relationship.\u00a0 There were no red lights, lot of green lights from godly counselors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then finally fifth, as I prayed about it and as Barbara prayed about it and as we thought about it and as we talked about it with one another and continued to pray about it before God, we felt like God was leading us in that direction.\u00a0 So we made a decision not on the basis of sight but on a basis of faith.\u00a0 In other words we believed God was leading us together as a couple.\u00a0 We made that decision and as a result of the decision God\u2019s peace came.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, I think this is so important because some couples when they make this decision there is no peace.\u00a0 There is doubt.\u00a0 There is increased fear.\u00a0 There is a troubled heart.\u00a0 I am saying if those are increasing in your life after you have made the decision by faith in the trustworthiness of God and his word to move towards marriage.\u00a0 If those things fear, doubt, turmoil are true of your life then you need to slow down or you need to break off the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well it certainly would seem that going through a process together like walking through the <em>Preparing for Marriage<\/em> workbook that should help couples clarify issues and gain a sense of peace about their decision.\u00a0 And if they are able to do it with a mentor couple, that is all the better because they will have godly advice steering them in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 This workbook was designed to aid a couple in not only securing that decision but of beginning their marriage on the very best foundation possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, and I think the enhancements that have been made, the revisions and the updating that is been done recently by our team makes something that has always been good even better and even easier for a mentor couple to use as they engage with a younger couple.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage listeners go to our website <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> and there is information available there on how you can get a copy of the <em>Preparing for Marriage<\/em> workbook or how you an get multiple copies so there is one for you, one for your fianc\u00e9, maybe a copy or two for the mentor couple that\u2019s going to take you through the material.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> for more information on how you can order copies of this workbook or call toll free 1-800-358-6329 that\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need to say a quick word of thanks to the listeners that we have heard from already this month who have been responding to the matching gift challenge that we have talked about here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We had some friends of the ministry who came along and offered to match every donation that we receive during the month of May on a dollar for dollar basis and the matching gift fund that they have established has now more than $300,000 worth of pledges in the fund.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we are going to take advantage of those pledges and cash it on them we need as many of our listeners as possible to go online or to call 1-800-FL-TODAY, make a donation to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and again when you do your donation is doubled.\u00a0 So if you say well I can\u2019t do much, we could maybe give $10 that is going to be a $20 by the time it\u2019s done.\u00a0 So if you say we can give $50 or $100 whatever you can do, that donation will be doubled as long as there are still funds in the matching gift fund and as I said it is up over $300,000 at this point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo can we encourage you to go online at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and help support this ministry, help keep us on the air on this station and on our entire network of stations all across the country by making a donation during the month of May.\u00a0 Again you can donate online at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and we do appreciate your financial partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to invite you back tomorrow.\u00a0 We are going to talk about what couples can do during the engagement period.\u00a0 What kinds of things they can be focused on to help them get better prepared for what comes after you say \u201cI do.\u201d\u00a0 We will talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host Dennis Rainey and I am Bob Lepine, we will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/302032","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=302032"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=302032"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=302032"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=302032"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=302032"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=302032"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=302032"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}