{"id":302006,"date":"2010-04-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-04-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/binding-sibling-hearts-together\/"},"modified":"2010-04-05T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-04-05T15:00:00","slug":"binding-sibling-hearts-together","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/binding-sibling-hearts-together\/","title":{"rendered":"Binding Sibling Hearts Together"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Brett Johnston reveals the number one reason people give for not being connected with their siblings.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-04-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"23.06M","filesize_raw":"24182702","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856],"tags":[4388,4651],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3055],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-302006","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","tag-relationships","tag-siblings","cwp_profile-brett-johnston","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/302006\/binding-sibling-hearts-together","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/302006\/binding-sibling-hearts-together","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"LvjIaajd84\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/binding-sibling-hearts-together\/\">Binding Sibling Hearts Together<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/binding-sibling-hearts-together\/embed\/#?secret=LvjIaajd84\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Binding Sibling Hearts Together&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"LvjIaajd84\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Brett Johnston reveals the number one reason people give for not being connected with their siblings.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-04-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A lot of times people talk about, as a parent, we need to be there at the ballgames; we need to be there for the kids.\u00a0 Well, the No. 1 individual trait of families that produce the closest kids was siblings spending the time to support each other in extra-curricular activities, school activities, things like that.\u00a0 This says it is important for the siblings to be there, support those things, and cheer for whoever happens to be doing something at that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 5th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about brothers and sisters cheering one another on and other strategies for building strong sibling relationships.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, you shared a verse with me\u2014I don\u2019t know if I just never read this verse or if I just read past it.\u00a0 Some verses you come to and you just kind of read on past it, but I\u2019ll never forget you sharing III John verse 4 with me.\u00a0 It was one of those, again, which had never been on my radar screen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It could be what is written on my tombstone.\u00a0 Basically, it is this, \u201cI have no greater joy than this, than to know that my children are walking in the truth.\u201d\u00a0 I would add to that, although this is not in III John 4.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This isn\u2019t II Dennis 2?\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have no greater joy than if my children (yes) are obeying God and if they are living in harmony with one another.\u00a0 That is just a part of the fiber of every parent\u2019s soul.\u00a0 They want their kids to be able to get along.\u00a0 I want you to know, as a listener, I am excited about what we are about to bring to you here this week.\u00a0 We have a guest with us here in the studio, Brett Johnston, who joins us.\u00a0 I\u2019ll just say, \u201cHi, Brett.\u00a0 Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thanks Dennis.\u00a0 I can\u2019t say how excited I am to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He has written a book called <em>Close Kids:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Connect Your Children for Life<\/em>.\u00a0 Brett has an interesting story that you are going to benefit from because he talks about in this book how we as adults have relationships with our brothers and sisters.\u00a0 He has come upon some relevant research that I think is going to encourage you, whether you are a parent, grandparent, or have a brother or a sister.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBrett is married and has three children.\u00a0 Unfortunately, he is a Sooner.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor those of you who don\u2019t know, that is the wrong color of red.\u00a0 He is not for the Arkansas Razorbacks; he is for the University of Oklahoma.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has made a lot of good choices in his life; I don\u2019t know how this mistake happened, Brett.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 You know, we allow everyone one mistake here on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I can blame my brother.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s it!\u00a0 He did a good bit of medical research that ultimately led him to a discovery.\u00a0 I want you to explain, first of all, that meal that you had and how it kind of sent you off in a direction where you didn\u2019t really think you would ever go as a researcher.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 My wife and I were having dinner, just a casual meal with some really good friends of ours\u2014just two of them.\u00a0 The friend kept talking about this great relationship she had with her sister.\u00a0 On and on throughout the meal she would talk about it and bring it back again and say, \u201cWell, my sister and I are doing this,\u201d or \u201cMy sister and I are doing that.\u201d\u00a0 Come to find out, her sister actually lived in England; and she was in Oklahoma.\u00a0 You would never have known it by the way that she talked.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy wife and I have three kids, three girls.\u00a0 When we were driving home that night, I remember the conversation we had.\u00a0 We said, \u201cI want that for our kids when they grow up.\u201d\u00a0 We kind of slept on it.\u00a0 The next day, we got up and started doing a little bit of research on what was out there already.\u00a0 I figured that in this day and age the internet has everything we need to know about it.\u00a0 We started looking for \u201cclose kids\u201d articles and books and just never found anything.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, months went by; and I was sitting in a hotel room in Las Vegas when it hit me.\u00a0 \u201cLet\u2019s go out and find this information.\u00a0 If it is not out there, let\u2019s find a way to get it.\u201d\u00a0 My background is a medical person in that field, looking at all sorts of white papers and research that people try to do to prove one thing is better than another.\u00a0 It got me thinking, \u201cOkay, what would this look like to do for siblings?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt ended up being a huge survey sent out to over 10,000 people about their life when they were young.\u00a0 We knew we couldn\u2019t do a regular survey or a medical-grade research paper today because it would take 30 years to get the results.\u00a0 We wouldn\u2019t know until they were adults.\u00a0 It looked like an easier thing to do was go back and ask a lot of questions about siblings who were close and siblings who weren\u2019t and try to see what we could glean out of that.\u00a0 It was a big survey; it was 50 questions.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t something that someone could just check off a few boxes.\u00a0 It was a lot of information that came back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You must have gotten a lot of information because although this book is small (it is not a real large book, it can be read probably easily in an hour), it is just chalked full of all kinds of observations and conclusions you came to out of this survey.\u00a0 What did you find was the No. 1 reason for why siblings don\u2019t connect and don\u2019t have good relationships? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The No. 1 thing that people said was, \u201cTime.\u201d\u00a0 They said, \u201cWe don\u2019t have enough time to deal with each other, and talk with each other, and build time for each other.\u201d\u00a0 That is the thing that adults said that kept them from being close as adults.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay; but you and I know we make time for what matters to us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So time is one of those subterfuges.\u00a0 As you dug a little deeper, did you find that there was more under the surface than just time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did.\u00a0 Actually, there is a lot under the surface.\u00a0 If you had to say just one thing, it would be the word, \u201cAcceptance.\u201d\u00a0 There is no word that was used more often when people were describing a poor relationship.\u00a0 They just didn\u2019t feel accepted by their brothers and sisters and their parents for being different.\u00a0 One of the greatest things that I like about the book is, \u201cDon\u2019t be frustrated by the differences in your kids.\u00a0 Be amazed by them.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In other words, celebrate that they are different because when they are different, they may end up liking one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, if you have somebody who is a lot like you, they tend to be your \u201cirregular person.\u201d\u00a0 I mean, they kind of rub you the wrong way, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, the mere fact that your children are different could perhaps help them begin to connect with each other and like each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 If the way we look at it is not out of frustration that they are different, we will teach them to be accepting of who they are and see great things that their siblings are doing and be able to point that out and say, \u201cLook how neat that is that they like to go swimming when it is cold outside,\u201d and just different things that kids do.\u00a0 You guys were talking about just a few weeks ago that you can have these great plans for your kids, but they are going to end up going directions that you had no clue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 It is interesting today\u2014back to the time issue\u2014there is more technology and more access to one another\u2019s lives than perhaps at any point in the history of civilization.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you are Facebook friends, you can know what somebody had for breakfast this morning when you would never had known that before.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean, you can Twitter; you can text; you can call.\u00a0 Who would ever think of writing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean handwriting has to be extremely rare these days.\u00a0 They actually mention that technology mitigated against the relationship.\u00a0 How so?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, there is a Visa commercial not very long ago that looks at a family going on a family vacation together.\u00a0 The mom in the commercial keeps turning around and wanting to talk to her kids.\u00a0 One of them has an iPhone; one of them is listening to a movie; no one is communicating with each other at all.\u00a0 At the end of the commercial, you see them all jump into a swimming pool together; and that is when the party starts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are things, computers, and all sorts of things that divert attention away from kids being interactive with each other.\u00a0 If you look\u2014what is really interesting\u2014the survey broke out the data by age.\u00a0 The closest group by age is 60 and over, of siblings.\u00a0 The second closest group is 25-34.\u00a0 Somewhere in the middle we lose people; or they come back and say, \u201cYou know, that was important to me.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go back\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201c\u2026and fix some of this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201cand fix something.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you think maybe after you have lived six decades, you have run the gambit of other relationships that necessarily haven\u2019t worked out with friends and perhaps we come back to our family to say, \u201cYou know what, I kind of started out with you\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201cMaybe I ought to figure out how to make this work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think absolutely.\u00a0 I think there is also, \u201cPeople shouldn\u2019t give up if they are not close together,\u201d because you see these people coming back together late in life.\u00a0 It can be done.\u00a0 I think, too, if you look at some of the things that people wrote when they were in their 60\u2019s when they took this survey, they didn\u2019t have much entertainment outside of each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey usually had pretty large families\u2014which in the survey, we can prove that the more kids in a family, the closer they are as adults\u2014which is kind of interesting.\u00a0\u00a0 If you look back years and years ago, Mom used to just kick you outside and say, \u201cSee you at dinnertime.\u201d\u00a0 The entertainment they found was not in a TV or not in a video game, but it was in each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 All these various distractions demand that we get creative and find a way to make relationships work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, it is interesting that you should say that, too, Dennis, because if you look at what people said kept them apart\u2014which was time and not being able to connect to each other\u2014 when you look at a statistical distance of how far apart people live, it had no relation to how close they were as adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am reminded of what the former governor of Arkansas said, and it is not the one you are thinking about right now.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 His name was Gov. Frank White.\u00a0 He was a personal friend of mine.\u00a0 I was having breakfast with him one morning in a Bible study I was leading.\u00a0 He made a statement to me.\u00a0 He said, \u201cTo say you don\u2019t have enough time is not a statement of truth; it is a statement of value.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have enough time to do what we truly value.\u00a0 For adult siblings to say to one another, \u201cWe can\u2019t seem to find enough time to get together,\u201d really is a statement of not valuing that relationship; otherwise, they would indeed find a way to get together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me take this back though to what originally got this project fueled in the first place.\u00a0 You were looking at adult siblings who were getting along; and you were saying, \u201cWe\u2019d like our kids to be like that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I guess my question is, \u201cWhat did you learn from adult siblings who are getting along about what happened in the family early on?\u201d; or \u201cHow did it cause you to modify the parenting of your daughters to say, \u2018If we want that to be the goal, here is what we need to be doing as moms and dads today?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There is actually two ways that we looked at it.\u00a0 No. 1:\u00a0 The biggest overall thing that you can do for your kids is give them the gift of a great childhood.\u00a0 We really measured two things.\u00a0 We measured, \u201cHow close are you with your adult siblings?\u201d and \u201cHow good was your childhood?\u201d\u00a0 Those are two separate, complete things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are very specific things you can do for your kids such as the No. 1 thing\u2014the No. 1 individual trait\u2014is siblings spending the time to support each other in extra-curricular activities, school activities, things like that.\u00a0 That was the No. 1 individual trait that families did that produces the closest kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow we have changed that\u2014if I have one of my girls with a homework project or she needs to read, I\u2019ll let the older one see if she can help her with it first.\u00a0 That shows support that her sister is coming to her aid; \u201cWait a minute, my sister does know something.\u201d\u00a0 There are so many things that that does.\u00a0 We have made that change.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it doesn\u2019t work, then we\u2019ll step in as parents would and help.\u00a0 A lot of times people talk about, as parents, we need to be there at the ballgames; we need to be there for the kids.\u00a0 This kind of says it is important for the siblings to be there and support those things and cheer for whoever happens to be doing something at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, my wife must have known this instinctively because through the years as our kids have been involved in all different activities--there would be ballgames or piano recitals\u2014I think of piano recitals.\u00a0 It is a Saturday morning, and one of the kids is going to be in a piano recital.\u00a0 You go to the siblings; and you say, \u201cDo you want to go to John\u2019s piano recital?\u201d\u00a0 What is the universal response?\u00a0 \u201cNo, who wants to go to John\u2019s piano recital?\u201d\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way that I looked at it, \u201cIf the kids don\u2019t want to go hear their brother play piano\u2014frankly, I\u2019m not all that jazzed about it\u2014but I am the parent so I have to.\u201d\u00a0 Mary Ann would say, \u201cNo, I want all the kids to come and hear John.\u201d\u00a0 I would say, \u201cWell, they don\u2019t want to.\u201d\u00a0 She would say, \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 They need to come and hear John play the piano.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, over the years, whoever was playing the piano, it just got to be the standard practice.\u00a0 The kids knew if \u201cSo-and- So\u201d was having a piano recital, we would go to the piano recital, whether we liked it or not.\u00a0 I do think Mary Ann was on to something.\u00a0 That show of support is just one of the ways that they have felt closer and connected to one another and felt appreciated by their siblings.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, I think both of us out-married ourselves, Bob.\u00a0 Barbara stumbled on one of the findings that he came up with out of his research.\u00a0 She would read to the kids when they were little; and as they got older, too.\u00a0 I asked her\u2014in fact just this past weekend\u2014I asked her, \u201cWhat would you say is just one of your favorite, pristine moments as a mom?\u00a0 If you could just capture a certain scene at a certain time, with you as a mom, what would it be?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cOh, that is easy.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cIt would be the quiet time we had when I would give up my nap and I would read to the kids <em>Little House on the Prairie<\/em>.\u00a0 I took them there.\u00a0 We lived there in the midst of the winters on the plains there as <em>Little House on the Prairie<\/em> was written about.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cThey would sit in my arms and we would read that book for two hours.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you found that one of the things that cemented siblings together were these moments of reading together as a family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is true.\u00a0 It blew me away because there was a list of about 30 different individual traits.\u00a0 For reading together as a family to pop so close to the top\u2014as a matter of fact, one of the ways that you could calculate the data, it was No. 1.\u00a0 What I tried to do was two or three different calculations.\u00a0 The average of\u2014it wasn\u2019t No. 1\u2014but it was right there at the top.\u00a0 It was reading together as a family.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe try to do it every night.\u00a0 With little kids, it is not easy.\u00a0 I\u2019ll send a note out to whoever came up with blankies.\u00a0 I would like to put my arms around your neck and end your existence because blankies\u2014we look for blankies every single night.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 They are always gone.\u00a0 They, of course, have been around with us for nine years.\u00a0 We can\u2019t lose them\u2014we have left them in restaurants; we have left them at hotels; we have found them all over the place; but they never seem to be in the bed at night when it is time to read a story.\u00a0 We get through that.\u00a0 We try to sit down\u2014now we find as they are getting older, we find that the oldest one likes to read to the younger ones.\u00a0 We are still there, but we kind of pass that torch off to the next ones.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a pretty funny story about my four-year-old.\u00a0 <em>Marley &amp; Me<\/em> was a big movie a few months ago.\u00a0 We had the book <em>Marley &amp; Me<\/em>.\u00a0 My four-year-old couldn\u2019t read to save her life, but it was her turn to read to the family at night.\u00a0 So she stood up there with <em>Marley &amp; Me<\/em> and flipped the page.\u00a0 Every single sentence had the word \u201cdog\u201d in it.\u00a0 She thought that was the funniest thing in the world.\u00a0 She was reading that book.\u00a0 It was a moment for her to shine and to have the spotlight\u2014and we gave it to her\u2014and it was a lot of fun.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is the question I have been looking forward to asking you, \u201cDo you have any siblings?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do.\u00a0 I have one brother, an older brother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How did this affect your relationship with your older brother?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know what, my older brother and I don\u2019t have as good a relationship as I would like.\u00a0 Had we had a great relationship, I don\u2019t think we would be here talking today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Why do you say that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I just think I would never have processed the idea.\u00a0 I would just have assumed that all siblings were close.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, in other words, your lack of a relationship in terms of how you have studied it really prompted you to do this research in the first place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brett:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 We don\u2019t live that far apart.\u00a0 We just live separate lifestyles.\u00a0 It is sad for me to think, \u201cYou know, I am going to have a relationship with him longer than anyone in my life.\u201d\u00a0 That is something I didn\u2019t really realize until I started writing this book.\u00a0 The sibling relationship is most likely the longest relationship any of us will have with anyone other than God.\u00a0 It is an important relationship.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t given up hope on any of that.\u00a0 I still want to reach out.\u00a0 We talk about electronics\u2014he and I have been talking more on Facebook lately.\u00a0 There is good and bad with everything.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to bash electronics because there are some great things that they can do, too.\u00a0 They can keep us connected.\u00a0 We have been doing that.\u00a0 My hope is that we can continue to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What you are talking about here in your book <em>Close Kids<\/em> is really what, as we began the program today, what every parent longs for.\u00a0 You are raising your kids and you go through all the sibling rivalry; and as I was reading your book, I was reflecting maybe Barbara and I were a little too much on the defensive in terms of correcting sibling rivalry and teaching them to forgive each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPerhaps, if we had had your book, we might have been a little more proactive about taking some of these things about creating great family times, more times to read together, cheering one another on when one of their brothers or sisters succeed and really proactively anticipating, \u201cYou know, one of these days you kids are going to grow up.\u00a0 You guys are going to be great friends.\u00a0 You really are going to be friends for the rest of your lives.\u201d\u00a0 I think that is what parents long for\u2014they really do.\u00a0 They do want their children to walk together in the truth of God\u2019s Word.\u00a0 A part of that truth is to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are saying that as a parent, we can cast a vision with our kids for what we hope will be a reality in their lives.\u00a0 I think part of what we talked about today is that as an addition to casting that kind of vision, there are strategies we can employ as parents that will help make that a reality.\u00a0 Brett, in your book, you have listed those strategies, outlined them for moms and dads.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of the book <em>Close Kids<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about Brett\u2019s book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The name of the book is <em>Close Kids:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Connect Your Children for Life<\/em>.\u00a0 You can also call to request a copy at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 That is 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Let me also mention\u2014we have a resource that we designed for families.\u00a0 Really, its purpose is to build and promote the kind of interaction that we have been talking about today.\u00a0 It is a resource we call <em>Just Add Family<\/em>.\u00a0 It gives moms and dads some simple ideas, some simple ways that they can initiate fun times that engage your children around passages from the Scripture, helping them to understand more who God is, His purposes, His plan for us, about who we are, about the nature of redemption.\u00a0 All of that is in this resource we have developed called <em>Just Add Family<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information about that on our website as well\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request that resource from us.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; the phone number 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think folks who have listened to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for any length of time are aware that really what we are all about here at FamilyLife is trying to see every home a godly home.\u00a0 We want to do what we can to equip husbands and wives and moms and dads to have strong relationships inside the home.\u00a0 The way to do that is really to have those relationships centered in your relationship with God through Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was a number of years ago that we came up with a study guide for couples to help them build a stronger marriage.\u00a0 That first HomeBuilders\u00ae study guide later grew into an entire series of studies that has gone on to be the best-selling series on marriage and family that has ever been produced.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have just recently revised and updated our HomeBuilders study guides.\u00a0 This month, for those of you who are able to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount, we would love to send you two of the brand-new, revised HomeBuilders studies, <em>Building Your Marriage to Last<\/em>.\u00a0 We send you two of them because there is a guide for the husband and a guide for the wife.\u00a0 You can do this together as a couple\u2014take a date night or just set aside some time once a week and go through this HomeBuilders study guide together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven more than that, we would love to have you invite three or four other couples to come over to the house for a potluck and start going through the HomeBuilders study guide material with these other couples and help strengthen their marriage relationship as well.\u00a0 Again, we want to send you these two study guides as our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d this month when you help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation.\u00a0 As you fill out the form, just write the word, \u201cBUILD\u201d into the key code box that you see on the donation form.\u00a0 That way we will know to send you the study guides for <em>Building Your Marriage to Last, <\/em>or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 You can make your donation by telephone and just ask for the two HomeBuilders studies.\u00a0 Again, the title is <em>Building Your Marriage to Last<\/em>.\u00a0 We hope you will put them to good use.\u00a0 We want to say, \u201cThanks again for your support of this ministry and for helping keep <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on the air on this station and on our network of stations all around the country.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to invite you to join us back tomorrow when Brett Johnston is going to be with us again.\u00a0 We are going to talk about more ways that parents can connect their children brother-to-brother, sister-to-sister, or brother-to-sister\u2014how you can connect those children for a lifetime.\u00a0 We will talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks today to our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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