{"id":301998,"date":"2010-03-24T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-03-24T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/parenting-at-risk-children\/"},"modified":"2010-03-24T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-03-24T15:00:00","slug":"parenting-at-risk-children","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-at-risk-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting At-Risk Children"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Karyn Purvis exhorts parents to heal their personal wounds and losses before adopting and not to expect their children to fill those gaps for them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"24.1M","filesize_raw":"25273062","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818],"tags":[2712,5136],"podcast_series":[7715],"cwp_profile":[9194],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301998","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","tag-adoption","tag-foster-care","podcast_series-the-connected-child","cwp_profile-karyn-purvis","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301998\/parenting-at-risk-children","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301998\/parenting-at-risk-children","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wOxkz4a9Mc\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-at-risk-children\/\">Parenting At-Risk Children<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/parenting-at-risk-children\/embed\/#?secret=wOxkz4a9Mc\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Parenting At-Risk Children&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wOxkz4a9Mc\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-24.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-24.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I ask parents up-front to remember this, scared kids look crazy and sad kids look angry.\u00a0 Stand before your child with an open heart because this child has come from incredibly hard places.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, March 24<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about how you can keep structure and discipline intact as you raise children who have come from hard places. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 We are spending time this week talking about how we parent children\u2014adoptive children, foster children\u2014if they have hurt in their background.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They have come from hard places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is right.\u00a0 These are typically kids who are adopted or in a foster relationship with parents.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think this is commonly the case; but I do think, Dennis, sometimes what you see happening when a mom or a dad bring home an adoptive child or a foster child, sometimes the mom or the dad is hoping that that child is going to help them fix something in their own heart.\u00a0 Do you know what I am saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do, Bob.\u00a0 I think sometimes as human beings we may have made a mistake or we have a loss in our lives; and we think by doing something noble, like adopting, that we are going to make up for something that maybe we lost or maybe something we did wrong in the past.\u00a0 We have a guest with us who has done a lot of work with children who come from difficult places.\u00a0 Dr. Karyn Purvis joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Karen, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you.\u00a0 Good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Karyn has written a book called <em>The Connected Child<\/em>.\u00a0 It is for parents who have welcomed children from other countries and cultures\u2014from troubled backgrounds or those children who have come with special behavioral or emotional needs.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKaryn, when I was a seminary student, Dr. Howard Hendricks who taught at Dallas Theological Seminary, used to have a statement he would make to us as students; he was exhorting us as parents.\u00a0 He would say this, \u201cYou cannot impart what you do not possess.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn other words, \u201cIf you do not have the real disease, you can\u2019t be infectious to your children.\u201d\u00a0 Really, that summarizes a lot of parenting.\u00a0 As parents, we have to have the real disease before we can pass it on to our children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That ties back to what I was just talking about.\u00a0 You cannot pass along a legacy of emotional health and spiritual health to your child unless you are emotionally healthy and spiritually healthy yourself, can you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 This is so true.\u00a0 Here is an interesting thing.\u00a0 If we have a family that has a foundation that is designed for a one-story house and you build a one-story house on it, that foundation will hold up really well.\u00a0 That is the case with most biological children who are low risk.\u00a0 There is a one-story foundation and a one-story house.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow you have a one-story foundation, and you\u2019ve built a high-rise on it with the stressors that this child brings from abominable things that happened before you could protect them.\u00a0 Now, that same foundation, under the weight of a high-rise, every fracture in the foundation is going to open.\u00a0 We have families who are falling apart under the weight of the high-rise\u2014not the child being the high-rise\u2014but their history.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe say to families, \u201cYour most courageous move is to give fierce, honest reflection to your own life.\u201d\u00a0 If you have some aching loneliness and you think a child will fill it, then heal that aching loneliness; and then go back to the Lord and say, \u201cIs it time?\u201d\u00a0 If you lost a child or can\u2019t carry a child to term, grieve your loss so that when you hold your child you are present for their loss.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn one set of families that we did some research with, we did an interview called the Adult Attachment Interview.\u00a0 Out of the low-risk population, only 1 percent should be unresolved with regard to loss.\u00a0 In our research, in each of those sets, up to 25, 30, even 50 percent have an unresolved loss.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo now a child stands in front of me:\u00a0 they have lost a land; they have lost familiar surroundings; they have lost the only world they know.\u00a0 \u201cThey need to process their loss, but I don\u2019t know how to get there because I can\u2019t do my own.\u201d\u00a0 So I need to be aware, if I bring a child from a hard place, I am going to build a high-rise on my foundation.\u00a0 \u201cAre there fractures in my foundation that need mending?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What I hear you saying there is, \u201cIf we have had a loss that we haven\u2019t admitted and haven\u2019t processed spiritually and relationally with God and with our spouse, we are bringing that loss into the relationship with a child.\u00a0 The very thing that we want to provide that child\u2014some help, some hope, and healing\u2014we may not be able to provide because we are in need of that same healing ourselves.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 If you can catch it before you bring that child home, the better.\u00a0 Find a safe place; find a safe church; find a ministry of grace; find a ministry of love; find a church where it is really the church\u2014where the church is doing this stuff, right?\u00a0 If you have already brought that child home, hey, go through that process with the child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, out of that same group of parents, two had a sibling that died in childhood.\u00a0 One had a two-year-old baby sister who died in her mother\u2019s arms.\u00a0 She adopted a little girl from Russia at two.\u00a0 Another had an eight-year-old brother who drowned in a river when they were swimming.\u00a0 He was powerless to save him; and he adopted an eight-year-old domestically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow those two children stand before those parents with loss.\u00a0 Maybe the parent can become aware, \u201cMaybe I have something that I didn\u2019t resolve; and I can say to the child, \u2018You know what, I don\u2019t exactly know how to talk to you about what you asked me about your mother, but let\u2019s do this journey together.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have to say at this point something that Barbara and I are doing because we lost a granddaughter who died after seven days almost two years ago.\u00a0 We are doing something very practical about that loss.\u00a0 We are sitting down with Dr. Jerry Sittser\u2019s book, <em>A Grace Disguised<\/em>, and I am reading that book aloud to Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now you have both spent some time in this book before this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 In fact, it was Barbara who recommended the book to me.\u00a0 We ultimately had Jerry here on the broadcast.\u00a0 First of all, it is magnificently written as a text; but to read it out loud so that two people can process together and talk about it a chapter at a time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is going to take me 15 minutes to read a chapter aloud to Barbara or her to me.\u00a0 We are going to work our way through the book and talk about what he says about loss because I do think all of us as human beings do suffer loss.\u00a0 The person who says, \u201cI haven\u2019t had any losses,\u201d really isn\u2019t coming to grips with what God is doing in their lives and wants to do.\u00a0 He wants us to process the loss and ultimately admit we are grieving that loss and we miss something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\u00a0 It is telling ourselves the truth, and telling God the truth, and telling another important person the truth.\u00a0 We all have losses by the fact of living in a human body and in a human world.\u00a0 We all have losses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me ask you about those parents who aren\u2019t still contemplating bringing a child home; but they have brought a child home and now this child is starting to act out\u2014they are starting to misbehave.\u00a0 These parents are thinking, \u201cWell, we\u2019ll just do what we have done with all our other kids; but it is not working with this child.\u201d\u00a0 What do they do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What we find repeated with these parents, \u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u00a0 I have raised four great kids.\u00a0 I don\u2019t understand what is going on now.\u201d\u00a0 What we try to tell parents is, \u201cYour child has profound changes that your biological children you were able to protect from.\u00a0 This child who is in your home, you couldn\u2019t protect from the harm that happened.\u201d\u00a0 I tell parents up-front to remember this:\u00a0 Scared kids look crazy, and sad kids look angry.\u00a0 Stand before your child with an open heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me turn that around because I think that is important.\u00a0 What you are saying, \u201cWhen a kid looks crazy, he is scared.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>When a kid looks angry, he is sad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, sir.\u00a0 So many of our kids have been scared so long they have forgot they are scared or what they are scared about.\u00a0 They live in a state memory, which is the first-year of life\u2019s brain development\u2014state memory.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As parents, we tend to just view what we are looking at as the core issue.\u00a0 You are saying, \u201cThat is not.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what we have discovered in our work.\u00a0 We have worked almost exclusively with high-risk children for the last decade.\u00a0 We have worked with kids through the courts, from families in protective custody; we\u2019ve worked in orphanages all around the world.\u00a0 We are convinced that if you understand four things, you can help virtually any child heal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst, you have to understand how attachment forms in the child and how to help that child heal by understanding attachment.\u00a0 The other half of that part is you have to understand your own attachment, your own history, your own expectation.\u00a0 It is a dance.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Putting it in other terms, we have to understand that God made us as human beings to relate to one another\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are designed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Although scientists may take a word like <em>attachment<\/em>, you are really talking about, \u201cHow do we love one another?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, if we haven\u2019t been loved, we may lack a few bricks on the foundation you are talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly right.\u00a0 That is why our book is called <em>The Connected Child.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>The goal is to connect.\u00a0 We are made in the image of a connecting God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Most kids who come in to a family through adoption or through foster care are coming with some sense of dis-attachment rather than attachment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Many of those kids are grieving the loss of an abusive parent, which is hard for us to understand.\u00a0 If we don\u2019t understand our part of the dance, it will be hard to respond appropriately.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They are grieving the loss of an abusive parent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 It is the only parent they had.\u00a0 Do we have time for a quick story?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 I was with a child a short time ago.\u00a0 He came into foster care at three.\u00a0 He was harmed really badly.\u00a0 Dad is a very creative man\u2014the foster dad.\u00a0 The little boy said, \u201cYou know, I am going to have to run away after kindergarten because I have to find my biological mother.\u201d\u00a0 Now this is the woman who harmed him, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe dad is a very creative man; he doesn\u2019t just want to say, \u201cYou can\u2019t run away,\u201d because you can\u2019t always have eyes on a child.\u00a0 So he says to this little boy, \u201cWell, okay, I\u2019ll see you after school; and we\u2019ll talk about it then.\u201d\u00a0 The little guy comes home from school.\u00a0 This very creative father has taken a roll of paper towels, eight paper towels, and he has drawn a map on the first two.\u00a0 He says, \u201cSon, this is as far as I know to get you out of town; but I don\u2019t know how you are going to find your mother.\u00a0 These other six paper towels\u2014you are going to have to make your own map on; but this is as far as I know.\u201d\u00a0 This little four-year-old said, \u201cOkay, Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSeeing he wasn\u2019t discouraged, this dad went on to say, \u201cYou know, there are rattlesnakes in this field you are going to have to go by because they have had the warnings about the rattlesnakes.\u00a0 I don\u2019t really want you to get bit by rattlesnakes so I am going to give you the Christmas boots I was going to give you for Christmas to protect you from the rattlesnake bites.\u00a0 You won\u2019t get hurt so bad.\u201d\u00a0 This little four-year-old says, \u201cOkay, Dad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe dad says, \u201cYou know, I know you are going to be hungry, so I am going to give you some food out of the pantry.\u00a0 He goes to the pantry and starts putting in the backpack canned spinach.\u00a0 The little guy says, \u201cDaddy, I don\u2019t like spinach.\u201d\u00a0 He says, \u201cI know, son; but it is all I have to give you.\u201d\u00a0 The four-year-old says, \u201cOkay Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he says, \u201cSon, you know what, you are not going to find a safe place to go to the bathroom, so we better send you some pull-ups so you can just poop in your pants.\u00a0 Then when you get to a safe place, you can change them.\u201d\u00a0 This little four-year-old says, \u201cOkay, Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis baby boy goes through the house and puts his arms around his foster mother\u2019s neck and weeps.\u00a0 He puts his arms around his little brother\u2019s neck and weeps.\u00a0 He puts his arms around his dad\u2019s neck and weeps.\u00a0 Then he starts out the door to find the woman who couldn\u2019t care for him.\u00a0 That is how deep the sadness; that is how deep is the loss for these children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe dad was able to say to him, \u201cSon, do you think you could just wait and run away another day?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cOkay, Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow.\u00a0 You know, as you are talking about that story, I am thinking about the music video of Lindsay Lohan.\u00a0 Even though her parents were terribly dysfunctional, here is a young lady in her 20\u2019s singing a song called <em>Confessions of a Broken Heart<\/em>.\u00a0 What she is wanting is the postman to bring her a letter from her Daddy.\u00a0 Our hearts long for relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What is the second of the four factors you talked about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have to understand brain development because the brain changes if we don\u2019t get good care.\u00a0 Matter of fact, Hubel and Wiesel are two research scientists who won the Nobel Prize in 1981 when they took newborn kittens and sutured their eyes closed.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t let them open at ten days but rather opened them late, several weeks late.\u00a0 What they proved was that a kitten that didn\u2019t get visual experience in the environment was blind when they opened the eyes.\u00a0 We have to understand if our child didn\u2019t get safe touch, safe love, safe care, they are going to have sensory issues and changes in their brain.\u00a0\u00a0 Those are two; so, changes in their brain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They have some deficits.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Profound deficits.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m just a parent.\u00a0 How do I understand brain development and brain changes?\u00a0 What do I do with that?\u00a0 How do I handle that practically with the little baby who may not have had these things?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what I would do.\u00a0 I would assume that my child has had changes in their brain if they have come from a hard place; or if I had a biological child who had a hard pregnancy or a hard place, I would do the same thing.\u00a0 I would make that assumption.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing when that child comes home, I am going to start with safe touch.\u00a0 I am also going to simplify the environment because I know there are changes in attachment, brain chemistry, brain development, and sensory processing, right?\u00a0 So, I am just going to make that assumption about my child.\u00a0 I am going to be right 95 percent of the time\u2014at least some of those deficits.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am going to find ways to make my environment calm, quiet, and simple.\u00a0 If I am a working mom and I can take a leave of absence for three months, six months, or longer, I am going to do it.\u00a0 I am not going to go to church to celebrate the adoption the first week or month.\u00a0 I am going to let my child figure out what a mommy is, what a daddy is.\u00a0 I am going to make my world calm.\u00a0 It is not too late to do it, even if the child has been home for a while.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell you one other thing you have to factor in.\u00a0 One researcher named Arthur Becker-Weidman recently released an article just published.\u00a0 He took 57 children who are fostered or adopted.\u00a0 Their chronological age in this comprehensive assessment was on average nine years, nine months; but their developmental age on average was four years, four months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, my.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So don\u2019t assume your child is the age that they appear to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me take you all the way out to the end.\u00a0 The parent who says, \u201cWe\u2019ve done everything we know how to do, and we\u2019re starting to see the other kids in the family\u2014stuff is not going well with them.\u00a0 We don\u2019t know what else to do.\u00a0 We are wondering if we have to send our adopted child away somewhere, some kind of a boarding school, or program, or something.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen parents reach that conclusion.\u00a0 How do you know if you are there, and what do you do when you get there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>First, I would ask those parents to be kind to themselves because we are pretty brutal on ourselves when we can\u2019t make everything right for our kids.\u00a0 We want to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are pretty brutal on ourselves when we can\u2019t.\u00a0 There may be a time\u2014you have a child who is a danger to himself or a danger to other children.\u00a0 There may be a time when there is predation by an older child.\u00a0 You can\u2019t let the little kids be hurt.\u00a0 There is simply maybe a time you are beyond your ability, not because you failed, but because this child has come from incredibly hard places.\u00a0 If you find yourself there, I would say, \u201cLook for a safe, supportive group.\u00a0 Be loving and forgiving with yourself and your spouse.\u00a0 Grieve your losses.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>At what point do you take the step to protect your marriage and your family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is a big question, Dennis; a big question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean, when the child is so redefining the family that he is ruining the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I would say, \u201cLook with all diligence for answers.\u00a0 When it is clear that there are none, you may have to look for there may be a time that child has to be at an out-of-home placement.\u00a0 It is the hardest thing families do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I cannot imagine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is the hardest thing families do.<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I cannot imagine because you are basically---it is almost the reverse of an adoption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The feelings of guilt and shame as a parent.\u00a0 You mentioned several times, \u201cGive yourself grace; give yourself the freedom to know you have done everything you can do.\u201d\u00a0 The nature of parent is to not give up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is exactly right.\u00a0 That is exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, Karyn, I really appreciate what you have shared here.\u00a0 You did exactly what I hoped you would do\u2014which is take some tough circumstances that parents of all kinds face, but especially those who adopt children who come from hard places.\u00a0 They need help; they need hope; and they need a realistic approach.\u00a0 I feel you have provided all three of those things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that is a tragedy is our spiritual adoption\u2014that God went to the trouble to secure by sending His Son to die on a cross for our sins and adopt us into His family.\u00a0 Tragically, it is not perfect either.\u00a0 As we get born again into God\u2019s family, I wish I could say I was a perfect follower; but I am not.\u00a0 That adoption has not gone as perfectly as I am sure my heavenly Father wished it had gone, but I think what you have talked about here gives parents grace to do all that they can do and also paints a realistic picture for those who have not adopted yet.\u00a0 It helps them count the cost before they become a parent of an adoptive child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think there are going to be a lot of parents who are going to get a copy of your book; and they are going to say, \u201cThis is what we have needed.\u00a0 This is what we have been waiting for.\u201d\u00a0 It is called <em>The Connected Child:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have it in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 Go online to FamilyLifeToday.com, and there is information about how you can get a copy of the book available there.\u00a0 Again, it is called <em>The Connected Child.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is also a link on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com for information about the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit VI which is taking place in Minneapolis April 29 and 30.\u00a0 If you are involved in a local church ministry that is caring for the needs of orphans, helping families adopt, if you want to network with other churches and find out what they are doing, or if you\u2019d like to meet with national organizations that are involved with orphan care and with adoption, this event is the premier event each year for those who are involved in orphan care and adoption.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com; click on the link that will take you to the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit VI webpage.\u00a0 John Piper is going to be speaking at the event; Mary Beth Chapman will speak; Dr. Al Mohler will be speaking; and Steven Curtis Chapman is providing music.\u00a0 You can register online now.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that will take you to the Christian Alliance for Orphans website.\u00a0 You can register that way.\u00a0 If you have any questions about the even or about Dr. Purvis\u2019s book, just call 1-800-FLTODAY; and somebody on our team will be happy to answer any questions they can for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just recently with some <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners on the east coast.\u00a0 It was a great encouragement for me to hear from them about how God has used this program in their marriage, in their family as they have raised their children, and just to hear as one person has said, \u201cYou have been a discipler to me in helping me understand how I integrate my faith with my family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, that is what we are all about here at FamilyLife.\u00a0 We want to see every home become a godly home.\u00a0 We could not do that; in fact, we could not continue this daily radio program if it weren\u2019t for folks like you who help support the ministry with a donation from time to time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month, if you are able to help with a donation of any amount to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a new movie that is out on DVD.\u00a0 It is called <em>Magdalena<\/em>.\u00a0 It tells the story of the life of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene.\u00a0 One of the great things about the DVD is that you can select a different audio track and listen to the film in Spanish, or in French, or in Mandarin, or in Korean, or Arabic, or Russian, or Portuguese.\u00a0 So, if you know someone who is from Korea or someone who speaks Arabic as their first language, you can give them a copy of this movie on DVD and they can be introduced to Jesus in their native tongue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can receive the DVD as a thank-you gift when you make a donation of any amount this month to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 If you make that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type \u201cMAGDVD\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form; or simply call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for the <em>Magdalena<\/em> DVD.\u00a0 Again, we are happy to send it out to you; and we very much appreciate your support of this ministry and your partnership with us here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we want to encourage you to be back with us.\u00a0 We are going to hear the first part of a message from Dr. Al Mohler\u2014a message on why it is so essential that we stand strong in our support of a biblical definition for marriage in our culture.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.1M"],"filesize_raw":["25273062"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-301998.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-301998.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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Purvis exhorts parents to heal their personal wounds and losses before adopting and not to expect their children to fill those gaps for them.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I ask parents up-front to remember this, scared kids look crazy and sad kids look angry.\u00a0 Stand before your child with an open heart because this child has come from incredibly hard places.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, March 24<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today about how you can keep structure and discipline intact as you raise children who have come from hard places. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 We are spending time this week talking about how we parent children\u2014adoptive children, foster children\u2014if they have hurt in their background.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They have come from hard places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is right.\u00a0 These are typically kids who are adopted or in a foster relationship with parents.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think this is commonly the case; but I do think, Dennis, sometimes what you see happening when a mom or a dad bring home an adoptive child or a foster child, sometimes the mom or the dad is hoping that that child is going to help them fix something in their own heart.\u00a0 Do you know what I am saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do, Bob.\u00a0 I think sometimes as human beings we may have made a mistake or we have a loss in our lives; and we think by doing something noble, like adopting, that we are going to make up for something that maybe we lost or maybe something we did wrong in the past.\u00a0 We have a guest with us who has done a lot of work with children who come from difficult places.\u00a0 Dr. Karyn Purvis joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Karen, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you.\u00a0 Good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Karyn has written a book called <em>The Connected Child<\/em>.\u00a0 It is for parents who have welcomed children from other countries and cultures\u2014from troubled backgrounds or those children who have come with special behavioral or emotional needs.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKaryn, when I was a seminary student, Dr. Howard Hendricks who taught at Dallas Theological Seminary, used to have a statement he would make to us as students; he was exhorting us as parents.\u00a0 He would say this, \u201cYou cannot impart what you do not possess.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn other words, \u201cIf you do not have the real disease, you can\u2019t be infectious to your children.\u201d\u00a0 Really, that summarizes a lot of parenting.\u00a0 As parents, we have to have the real disease before we can pass it on to our children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That ties back to what I was just talking about.\u00a0 You cannot pass along a legacy of emotional health and spiritual health to your child unless you are emotionally healthy and spiritually healthy yourself, can you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 This is so true.\u00a0 Here is an interesting thing.\u00a0 If we have a family that has a foundation that is designed for a one-story house and you build a one-story house on it, that foundation will hold up really well.\u00a0 That is the case with most biological children who are low risk.\u00a0 There is a one-story foundation and a one-story house.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow you have a one-story foundation, and you\u2019ve built a high-rise on it with the stressors that this child brings from abominable things that happened before you could protect them.\u00a0 Now, that same foundation, under the weight of a high-rise, every fracture in the foundation is going to open.\u00a0 We have families who are falling apart under the weight of the high-rise\u2014not the child being the high-rise\u2014but their history.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe say to families, \u201cYour most courageous move is to give fierce, honest reflection to your own life.\u201d\u00a0 If you have some aching loneliness and you think a child will fill it, then heal that aching loneliness; and then go back to the Lord and say, \u201cIs it time?\u201d\u00a0 If you lost a child or can\u2019t carry a child to term, grieve your loss so that when you hold your child you are present for their loss.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn one set of families that we did some research with, we did an interview called the Adult Attachment Interview.\u00a0 Out of the low-risk population, only 1 percent should be unresolved with regard to loss.\u00a0 In our research, in each of those sets, up to 25, 30, even 50 percent have an unresolved loss.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo now a child stands in front of me:\u00a0 they have lost a land; they have lost familiar surroundings; they have lost the only world they know.\u00a0 \u201cThey need to process their loss, but I don\u2019t know how to get there because I can\u2019t do my own.\u201d\u00a0 So I need to be aware, if I bring a child from a hard place, I am going to build a high-rise on my foundation.\u00a0 \u201cAre there fractures in my foundation that need mending?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What I hear you saying there is, \u201cIf we have had a loss that we haven\u2019t admitted and haven\u2019t processed spiritually and relationally with God and with our spouse, we are bringing that loss into the relationship with a child.\u00a0 The very thing that we want to provide that child\u2014some help, some hope, and healing\u2014we may not be able to provide because we are in need of that same healing ourselves.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 If you can catch it before you bring that child home, the better.\u00a0 Find a safe place; find a safe church; find a ministry of grace; find a ministry of love; find a church where it is really the church\u2014where the church is doing this stuff, right?\u00a0 If you have already brought that child home, hey, go through that process with the child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, out of that same group of parents, two had a sibling that died in childhood.\u00a0 One had a two-year-old baby sister who died in her mother\u2019s arms.\u00a0 She adopted a little girl from Russia at two.\u00a0 Another had an eight-year-old brother who drowned in a river when they were swimming.\u00a0 He was powerless to save him; and he adopted an eight-year-old domestically.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow those two children stand before those parents with loss.\u00a0 Maybe the parent can become aware, \u201cMaybe I have something that I didn\u2019t resolve; and I can say to the child, \u2018You know what, I don\u2019t exactly know how to talk to you about what you asked me about your mother, but let\u2019s do this journey together.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have to say at this point something that Barbara and I are doing because we lost a granddaughter who died after seven days almost two years ago.\u00a0 We are doing something very practical about that loss.\u00a0 We are sitting down with Dr. Jerry Sittser\u2019s book, <em>A Grace Disguised<\/em>, and I am reading that book aloud to Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now you have both spent some time in this book before this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 In fact, it was Barbara who recommended the book to me.\u00a0 We ultimately had Jerry here on the broadcast.\u00a0 First of all, it is magnificently written as a text; but to read it out loud so that two people can process together and talk about it a chapter at a time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is going to take me 15 minutes to read a chapter aloud to Barbara or her to me.\u00a0 We are going to work our way through the book and talk about what he says about loss because I do think all of us as human beings do suffer loss.\u00a0 The person who says, \u201cI haven\u2019t had any losses,\u201d really isn\u2019t coming to grips with what God is doing in their lives and wants to do.\u00a0 He wants us to process the loss and ultimately admit we are grieving that loss and we miss something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\u00a0 It is telling ourselves the truth, and telling God the truth, and telling another important person the truth.\u00a0 We all have losses by the fact of living in a human body and in a human world.\u00a0 We all have losses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me ask you about those parents who aren\u2019t still contemplating bringing a child home; but they have brought a child home and now this child is starting to act out\u2014they are starting to misbehave.\u00a0 These parents are thinking, \u201cWell, we\u2019ll just do what we have done with all our other kids; but it is not working with this child.\u201d\u00a0 What do they do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What we find repeated with these parents, \u201cI don\u2019t understand.\u00a0 I have raised four great kids.\u00a0 I don\u2019t understand what is going on now.\u201d\u00a0 What we try to tell parents is, \u201cYour child has profound changes that your biological children you were able to protect from.\u00a0 This child who is in your home, you couldn\u2019t protect from the harm that happened.\u201d\u00a0 I tell parents up-front to remember this:\u00a0 Scared kids look crazy, and sad kids look angry.\u00a0 Stand before your child with an open heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me turn that around because I think that is important.\u00a0 What you are saying, \u201cWhen a kid looks crazy, he is scared.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>When a kid looks angry, he is sad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, sir.\u00a0 So many of our kids have been scared so long they have forgot they are scared or what they are scared about.\u00a0 They live in a state memory, which is the first-year of life\u2019s brain development\u2014state memory.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As parents, we tend to just view what we are looking at as the core issue.\u00a0 You are saying, \u201cThat is not.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what we have discovered in our work.\u00a0 We have worked almost exclusively with high-risk children for the last decade.\u00a0 We have worked with kids through the courts, from families in protective custody; we\u2019ve worked in orphanages all around the world.\u00a0 We are convinced that if you understand four things, you can help virtually any child heal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst, you have to understand how attachment forms in the child and how to help that child heal by understanding attachment.\u00a0 The other half of that part is you have to understand your own attachment, your own history, your own expectation.\u00a0 It is a dance.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Putting it in other terms, we have to understand that God made us as human beings to relate to one another\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are designed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Although scientists may take a word like <em>attachment<\/em>, you are really talking about, \u201cHow do we love one another?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, if we haven\u2019t been loved, we may lack a few bricks on the foundation you are talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly right.\u00a0 That is why our book is called <em>The Connected Child.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>The goal is to connect.\u00a0 We are made in the image of a connecting God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Most kids who come in to a family through adoption or through foster care are coming with some sense of dis-attachment rather than attachment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 Many of those kids are grieving the loss of an abusive parent, which is hard for us to understand.\u00a0 If we don\u2019t understand our part of the dance, it will be hard to respond appropriately.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They are grieving the loss of an abusive parent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 It is the only parent they had.\u00a0 Do we have time for a quick story?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 I was with a child a short time ago.\u00a0 He came into foster care at three.\u00a0 He was harmed really badly.\u00a0 Dad is a very creative man\u2014the foster dad.\u00a0 The little boy said, \u201cYou know, I am going to have to run away after kindergarten because I have to find my biological mother.\u201d\u00a0 Now this is the woman who harmed him, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe dad is a very creative man; he doesn\u2019t just want to say, \u201cYou can\u2019t run away,\u201d because you can\u2019t always have eyes on a child.\u00a0 So he says to this little boy, \u201cWell, okay, I\u2019ll see you after school; and we\u2019ll talk about it then.\u201d\u00a0 The little guy comes home from school.\u00a0 This very creative father has taken a roll of paper towels, eight paper towels, and he has drawn a map on the first two.\u00a0 He says, \u201cSon, this is as far as I know to get you out of town; but I don\u2019t know how you are going to find your mother.\u00a0 These other six paper towels\u2014you are going to have to make your own map on; but this is as far as I know.\u201d\u00a0 This little four-year-old said, \u201cOkay, Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSeeing he wasn\u2019t discouraged, this dad went on to say, \u201cYou know, there are rattlesnakes in this field you are going to have to go by because they have had the warnings about the rattlesnakes.\u00a0 I don\u2019t really want you to get bit by rattlesnakes so I am going to give you the Christmas boots I was going to give you for Christmas to protect you from the rattlesnake bites.\u00a0 You won\u2019t get hurt so bad.\u201d\u00a0 This little four-year-old says, \u201cOkay, Dad.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe dad says, \u201cYou know, I know you are going to be hungry, so I am going to give you some food out of the pantry.\u00a0 He goes to the pantry and starts putting in the backpack canned spinach.\u00a0 The little guy says, \u201cDaddy, I don\u2019t like spinach.\u201d\u00a0 He says, \u201cI know, son; but it is all I have to give you.\u201d\u00a0 The four-year-old says, \u201cOkay Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he says, \u201cSon, you know what, you are not going to find a safe place to go to the bathroom, so we better send you some pull-ups so you can just poop in your pants.\u00a0 Then when you get to a safe place, you can change them.\u201d\u00a0 This little four-year-old says, \u201cOkay, Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis baby boy goes through the house and puts his arms around his foster mother\u2019s neck and weeps.\u00a0 He puts his arms around his little brother\u2019s neck and weeps.\u00a0 He puts his arms around his dad\u2019s neck and weeps.\u00a0 Then he starts out the door to find the woman who couldn\u2019t care for him.\u00a0 That is how deep the sadness; that is how deep is the loss for these children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe dad was able to say to him, \u201cSon, do you think you could just wait and run away another day?\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cOkay, Daddy.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow.\u00a0 You know, as you are talking about that story, I am thinking about the music video of Lindsay Lohan.\u00a0 Even though her parents were terribly dysfunctional, here is a young lady in her 20\u2019s singing a song called <em>Confessions of a Broken Heart<\/em>.\u00a0 What she is wanting is the postman to bring her a letter from her Daddy.\u00a0 Our hearts long for relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What is the second of the four factors you talked about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have to understand brain development because the brain changes if we don\u2019t get good care.\u00a0 Matter of fact, Hubel and Wiesel are two research scientists who won the Nobel Prize in 1981 when they took newborn kittens and sutured their eyes closed.\u00a0 They didn\u2019t let them open at ten days but rather opened them late, several weeks late.\u00a0 What they proved was that a kitten that didn\u2019t get visual experience in the environment was blind when they opened the eyes.\u00a0 We have to understand if our child didn\u2019t get safe touch, safe love, safe care, they are going to have sensory issues and changes in their brain.\u00a0\u00a0 Those are two; so, changes in their brain.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They have some deficits.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Profound deficits.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m just a parent.\u00a0 How do I understand brain development and brain changes?\u00a0 What do I do with that?\u00a0 How do I handle that practically with the little baby who may not have had these things?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what I would do.\u00a0 I would assume that my child has had changes in their brain if they have come from a hard place; or if I had a biological child who had a hard pregnancy or a hard place, I would do the same thing.\u00a0 I would make that assumption.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing when that child comes home, I am going to start with safe touch.\u00a0 I am also going to simplify the environment because I know there are changes in attachment, brain chemistry, brain development, and sensory processing, right?\u00a0 So, I am just going to make that assumption about my child.\u00a0 I am going to be right 95 percent of the time\u2014at least some of those deficits.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am going to find ways to make my environment calm, quiet, and simple.\u00a0 If I am a working mom and I can take a leave of absence for three months, six months, or longer, I am going to do it.\u00a0 I am not going to go to church to celebrate the adoption the first week or month.\u00a0 I am going to let my child figure out what a mommy is, what a daddy is.\u00a0 I am going to make my world calm.\u00a0 It is not too late to do it, even if the child has been home for a while.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell you one other thing you have to factor in.\u00a0 One researcher named Arthur Becker-Weidman recently released an article just published.\u00a0 He took 57 children who are fostered or adopted.\u00a0 Their chronological age in this comprehensive assessment was on average nine years, nine months; but their developmental age on average was four years, four months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, my.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So don\u2019t assume your child is the age that they appear to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me take you all the way out to the end.\u00a0 The parent who says, \u201cWe\u2019ve done everything we know how to do, and we\u2019re starting to see the other kids in the family\u2014stuff is not going well with them.\u00a0 We don\u2019t know what else to do.\u00a0 We are wondering if we have to send our adopted child away somewhere, some kind of a boarding school, or program, or something.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve seen parents reach that conclusion.\u00a0 How do you know if you are there, and what do you do when you get there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>First, I would ask those parents to be kind to themselves because we are pretty brutal on ourselves when we can\u2019t make everything right for our kids.\u00a0 We want to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are pretty brutal on ourselves when we can\u2019t.\u00a0 There may be a time\u2014you have a child who is a danger to himself or a danger to other children.\u00a0 There may be a time when there is predation by an older child.\u00a0 You can\u2019t let the little kids be hurt.\u00a0 There is simply maybe a time you are beyond your ability, not because you failed, but because this child has come from incredibly hard places.\u00a0 If you find yourself there, I would say, \u201cLook for a safe, supportive group.\u00a0 Be loving and forgiving with yourself and your spouse.\u00a0 Grieve your losses.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>At what point do you take the step to protect your marriage and your family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is a big question, Dennis; a big question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean, when the child is so redefining the family that he is ruining the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I would say, \u201cLook with all diligence for answers.\u00a0 When it is clear that there are none, you may have to look for there may be a time that child has to be at an out-of-home placement.\u00a0 It is the hardest thing families do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I cannot imagine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is the hardest thing families do.<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I cannot imagine because you are basically---it is almost the reverse of an adoption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The feelings of guilt and shame as a parent.\u00a0 You mentioned several times, \u201cGive yourself grace; give yourself the freedom to know you have done everything you can do.\u201d\u00a0 The nature of parent is to not give up.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That is exactly right.\u00a0 That is exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, Karyn, I really appreciate what you have shared here.\u00a0 You did exactly what I hoped you would do\u2014which is take some tough circumstances that parents of all kinds face, but especially those who adopt children who come from hard places.\u00a0 They need help; they need hope; and they need a realistic approach.\u00a0 I feel you have provided all three of those things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that is a tragedy is our spiritual adoption\u2014that God went to the trouble to secure by sending His Son to die on a cross for our sins and adopt us into His family.\u00a0 Tragically, it is not perfect either.\u00a0 As we get born again into God\u2019s family, I wish I could say I was a perfect follower; but I am not.\u00a0 That adoption has not gone as perfectly as I am sure my heavenly Father wished it had gone, but I think what you have talked about here gives parents grace to do all that they can do and also paints a realistic picture for those who have not adopted yet.\u00a0 It helps them count the cost before they become a parent of an adoptive child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think there are going to be a lot of parents who are going to get a copy of your book; and they are going to say, \u201cThis is what we have needed.\u00a0 This is what we have been waiting for.\u201d\u00a0 It is called <em>The Connected Child:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have it in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 Go online to FamilyLifeToday.com, and there is information about how you can get a copy of the book available there.\u00a0 Again, it is called <em>The Connected Child.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is also a link on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com for information about the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit VI which is taking place in Minneapolis April 29 and 30.\u00a0 If you are involved in a local church ministry that is caring for the needs of orphans, helping families adopt, if you want to network with other churches and find out what they are doing, or if you\u2019d like to meet with national organizations that are involved with orphan care and with adoption, this event is the premier event each year for those who are involved in orphan care and adoption.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com; click on the link that will take you to the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit VI webpage.\u00a0 John Piper is going to be speaking at the event; Mary Beth Chapman will speak; Dr. Al Mohler will be speaking; and Steven Curtis Chapman is providing music.\u00a0 You can register online now.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link that will take you to the Christian Alliance for Orphans website.\u00a0 You can register that way.\u00a0 If you have any questions about the even or about Dr. Purvis\u2019s book, just call 1-800-FLTODAY; and somebody on our team will be happy to answer any questions they can for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just recently with some <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners on the east coast.\u00a0 It was a great encouragement for me to hear from them about how God has used this program in their marriage, in their family as they have raised their children, and just to hear as one person has said, \u201cYou have been a discipler to me in helping me understand how I integrate my faith with my family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, that is what we are all about here at FamilyLife.\u00a0 We want to see every home become a godly home.\u00a0 We could not do that; in fact, we could not continue this daily radio program if it weren\u2019t for folks like you who help support the ministry with a donation from time to time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this month, if you are able to help with a donation of any amount to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a new movie that is out on DVD.\u00a0 It is called <em>Magdalena<\/em>.\u00a0 It tells the story of the life of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene.\u00a0 One of the great things about the DVD is that you can select a different audio track and listen to the film in Spanish, or in French, or in Mandarin, or in Korean, or Arabic, or Russian, or Portuguese.\u00a0 So, if you know someone who is from Korea or someone who speaks Arabic as their first language, you can give them a copy of this movie on DVD and they can be introduced to Jesus in their native tongue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can receive the DVD as a thank-you gift when you make a donation of any amount this month to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 If you make that donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, type \u201cMAGDVD\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form; or simply call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and just ask for the <em>Magdalena<\/em> DVD.\u00a0 Again, we are happy to send it out to you; and we very much appreciate your support of this ministry and your partnership with us here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we want to encourage you to be back with us.\u00a0 We are going to hear the first part of a message from Dr. Al Mohler\u2014a message on why it is so essential that we stand strong in our support of a biblical definition for marriage in our culture.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301998","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301998"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301998"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301998"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301998"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301998"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301998"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301998"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}