{"id":301996,"date":"2010-03-22T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-03-22T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/children-from-hard-places\/"},"modified":"2010-03-22T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-03-22T15:00:00","slug":"children-from-hard-places","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/children-from-hard-places\/","title":{"rendered":"Children From Hard Places"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Karyn Purvis, a leading expert in developmental psychology specializing in at-risk children, talks about the risks factors associated with adopted and foster children<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-22.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"22.67M","filesize_raw":"23768526","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818],"tags":[5134,2712,5135,5133,5132],"podcast_series":[7715],"cwp_profile":[9194],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301996","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","tag-adopted","tag-adoption","tag-at-risk-children","tag-foster-children","tag-risks","podcast_series-the-connected-child","cwp_profile-karyn-purvis","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301996\/children-from-hard-places","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301996\/children-from-hard-places","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"KEwUtG508s\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/children-from-hard-places\/\">Children From Hard Places<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/children-from-hard-places\/embed\/#?secret=KEwUtG508s\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Children From Hard Places&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"KEwUtG508s\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Karyn Purvis, a leading expert in developmental psychology specializing in at-risk children, talks about the risks factors associated with adopted and foster children","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have served children that were newborns that were drug positive.\u00a0 I\u2019ve served children of all ages.\u00a0 I\u2019ve served a 16 year old who tried to cut her mother\u2019s throat with a butcher knife. I\u2019ve served a schizophrenic boy standing on a roof top in a foster home in Romania.\u00a0 I\u2019ve served children in Ethiopia and Rwanda in orphanages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve never seen a child who can\u2019t come to profound levels of healing \u2013 never.\u00a0 There\u2019s no timeline on healing.\u00a0 It\u2019s easiest when they\u2019re little; it\u2019s easiest before the history of failures so if you can be proactive and be pre-trained that\u2019s the desire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 22.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about what parents and caregivers can do to help adoptive and foster children heal from the deep wounds that are often left as scars on their soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to tell a quick story here at the beginning of today\u2019s program because I figure it may be the last thing I get a chance to say today.\u00a0 Well, and we\u2019ll explain why here in a just a minute okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have a soapbox where there\u2019s room for two: me, and the guest!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I had the opportunity to speak a number of years ago at a chapel service at Covenant Seminary in St. Louis.\u00a0 We were up there for some meetings and they invited me to speak at chapel.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even remember what I spoke about but I do remember the young man who came up to me afterwards. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI must have said something about adoption, and the needs of orphans in the midst of my message because he came up afterwards and he said please pass this along to Dennis.\u00a0 He said, \u201cWe listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We\u2019ve heard you talk about adoption \u2013 please tell the truth and the whole truth about adoption.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was a little taken aback when he said that wondering what he meant but this was an adoptive dad.\u00a0 He did not feel like he had buyer\u2019s remorse but I think he had realized post adoption that he had signed on for more than he had imagined at the very beginning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is a side to adopting a child where you count the cost.\u00a0 In fact, as we were preparing to come into studio I turned to Luke chapter 14.\u00a0 I read Christ\u2019s words \u2013 He said, \u201cIf anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brothers, and sisters:\u00a0 Yes, and even his own life he cannot be my disciple.\u00a0 Whoever does not bear his own cross, and come after me cannot be my disciple.\u201d\u00a0 Then He talks about building a tower and also going into war and just says you wouldn\u2019t do either one without first counting the cost.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what Christ was talking about was discipleship but He\u2019s giving us a very important principle of life whether or not you\u2019re getting married, whether or not you\u2019re about to have children or whether you\u2019re consider adoption.\u00a0 We need to count the cost of adopting a child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have with us a friend who well goes way back with FamilyLife.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been a champion of the orphan here on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for a number of years.\u00a0 I met Dr. Karyn Purvis at Focus on the Family\u2019s headquarters as we did I think it was the third summit for orphans a few years back.\u00a0 Karyn welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you.\u00a0 It\u2019s good to be here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Dr. Purvis earned her doctorate in Developmental Psychology, and has specialized in serving at-risk children, and for the last ten years she\u2019s developed a research-based intervention for children who have special needs, and specifically around those who have been adopted.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe is the director of Texas Christian University\u2019s Institute of Child Development, and she\u2019s written a book called <em>The Connected Child.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>I have to tell you Karyn, and I\u2019m going to call you Karyn because you gave me that permission.\u00a0 I have wanted to do these broadcasts for a number of years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob and I\u2019ve been talking about this \u2013 this friend that talked to Bob about the need to make sure we help couples who are contemplating adoption have realistic expectations is really important.\u00a0 Do you see a lot of adoptive parents who kind of blindly enter into adopting without counting the cost?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We do.\u00a0 We see so many families that come into adoption sort of dreamy eyed.\u00a0 When issues of their child\u2019s history start to emerge those families are not prepared, and when they crash and burn they burn hard and the children go down with them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Where would you say adoptive parents most miss it?\u00a0 Is it because they\u2019re expecting more of a storybook ending to this event of adopting happily ever after?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I do think so.\u00a0 I think there\u2019s a lot of lore around adopting.\u00a0 So, you\u2019re going to lay your eyes on this child, and they\u2019re going to look deeply into your eyes, and it\u2019s going to be magical.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re going to bring this child home from these really hard places.\u00a0 You\u2019re going to love them and love is going to be enough.\u00a0 Then you bring them home and you pour all the love you can muster, and you didn\u2019t realize that brain damage from their history, and their inability to trust \u2013 those were beyond what you were prepared for.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now wait you talk about brain damage from their history \u2013 are you saying adoptive kids have some kind of brain damage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, let me tell you this way.\u00a0 My passion and calling since I was a child myself is for the child who comes from hard places.\u00a0 So, hard places can be defined in several ways.\u00a0 A hard place can be a difficult pregnancy.\u00a0 It can be a difficult birth where the child\u2019s caught in the birth canal \u2013 they may have oxygen deprivation for a brief period, they may have a protracted labor, early hospitalization where the child can\u2019t be held, and touched and loved but maybe they\u2019re in the ICU or an incubator.\u00a0 Then abuse, neglect and trauma.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we know from our research and the research of others is that all six of those risk factors create changes in the brain development, changes in the brain chemistry, changes in cognition, and thinking, changes in the ability to process sensory input.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if I just reach across here and I touch your hand you can process my touch but if you\u2019re a child from a hard place and I touch you lightly like that they may fall apart, or explode or become volatile because even something so simple as the way their brain processes touch is altered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, if we\u2019re parents and we\u2019re thinking about an overseas adoption \u2013 a child who\u2019s been in an orphanage for maybe just a few months, maybe a few years are we automatically getting a hard place child and going to have challenges ahead?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know what I would say to you is if you adopt or foster a child you have a child from a hard place.\u00a0 A child doesn\u2019t become available to us to foster or adopt unless they have losses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, Karyn as I was listening to you I was thinking God gives us children in all kinds of ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean the adoptive process.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe a child came through foster care or biologically.\u00a0 Children can come with all kinds of losses \u2013 all kinds of hard places.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely they can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think in American Christianity we have this picture of wanting a child that doesn\u2019t come from a hard place.\u00a0 We want one that\u2019s perfect, and the reality is we\u2019re in a broken world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, we are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0There are a lot of things that need to be fixed.\u00a0 What I want to challenge people to do is take a step back and think you know what can I trust God with what He\u2019s up to in my life with this child that we\u2019ve been given?\u00a0 Because there are children placed in families that are going to take families through some very difficult times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But let me pull you back from that because maybe you haven\u2019t been given a child yet.\u00a0 Maybe you\u2019re thinking about adoption and you\u2019re hearing us talk about any child who\u2019s in a position of being adopted, or foster care being provided for a child, that child is coming from a hard place and is going to have unique or special challenges that we have to be ready for as parents that our biological children may not have the same set of unique experiences right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but may I say this.\u00a0 It\u2019s very possible that your biological child has some of the same risk factors.\u00a0 Maybe you had a hardship during your pregnancy and that baby\u2019s brain chemistry is different.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI spoke not long ago in McAllen, and a beautiful sweet spirited woman came to me and she said, \u201cI came to listen to you because I have a baby adopted from Vietnam but I stayed to hear you because of my eight year old biological child.\u00a0 She\u2019s been psychotic since she was two.\u00a0 She\u2019s been on anti-psychotic drugs since she was three or four and she is now eight and she cuts herself.\u00a0 We have to lock her in her bedroom that we just completely stripped down.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s a biological child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI looked at this mother, and she had a tender face when she talked about her child \u2013 her eyes were tearful.\u00a0 This was a darling mother; this was a precious, godly mother.\u00a0 I said to her, \u201cTell me about the prenatal period.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cIt was the worst time of my life.\u00a0 My kid sister was in an auto accident and they told us she would die.\u00a0 We went to the hospital on the death watch, and we were there for hours and days.\u201d\u00a0 That little baby\u2019s brain development and brain chemistry set points were established then.\u00a0 So, let me say it\u2019s not only a child that I\u2019m called to from really hard places, but our biological kids can have some of these same risk factors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know if I were sitting down with parents who are expecting the birth of a new child I would say, \u201cYou know get ready.\u00a0 As parents you\u2019re going to have challenges ahead.\u201d\u00a0 But it sounds like we\u2019re saying if you\u2019re sitting down with parents who are about to receive a baby through adoption or bring in a child through foster care there is a different level of warning or sobriety that you would attach to that choice?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There absolutely is because see if we say there are six major risk factors:\u00a0 Difficult pregnancy, difficult birth, early hospitalization, abuse, neglect, and trauma.\u00a0 Most children who come to us that are available to foster or adopt have a loading of risk factors.\u00a0 They don\u2019t have a single risk factor.\u00a0 They have multiple risk factors.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, it\u2019s kind of like a cup of water; each of these are poured in one after another and some children come with the cup filled with these risk factors \u2013 others the cup may be half filled!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly!\u00a0 Now, let me say this to preempt anything that I say okay?\u00a0 What I will talk about is what we\u2019ve learned through our research and the research of others.\u00a0 There are serious issues with kids from hard places.\u00a0 There are very sobering things that parents need to be aware of and count the cost about but there\u2019s no problem that there\u2019s not an answer for.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If we had our listeners tied to a meter that measured fear especially couples who are considering and contemplating adoption I think the fear meter might be pegged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think we\u2019ve raised it up fairly significantly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What I have to tell you is when I speak to families you start talking about some of these issues and you realize that no one in the room is breathing \u2013 panic mode!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes \u2013 I\u2019m feeling it!\u00a0 I\u2019m feeling a listener right now who maybe hasn\u2019t already adopted but maybe has a child where he or she has seen some of those risk factors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Or maybe they just brought home a new baby and they\u2019re thinking oh we\u2019re so excited about this new baby and now we\u2019re listening to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>and we\u2019re wondering did we just make the biggest mistake of our lives?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, let me say for those people right now \u2013 the first thing out of the box there are so many answers.\u00a0 For example if you\u2019ve just brought home a little one the best investment you\u2019re going to do is $15 on an infant massage DVD.\u00a0 We know from research that you can change the brain chemistry level to optimum.\u00a0 You can impact and calm the central nervous system if the child\u2019s come from a difficult pregnancy or a difficult environment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>By massage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Massage \u2013 simple human touch!\u00a0 God designed us for relationship and a healthy mom who\u2019s able to care for her children \u2013 not physically ill and a healthy Dad who\u2019s not physically ill and able to care.\u00a0 Everything we communicate is through our touch and the warmth of our hands and the warmth of our body.\u00a0 When we hold that child to our chest they feel our chest vibrating.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you\u2019re bringing home a child the first thing you do is you start infant massage or toddler massage and by touching that baby you can begin to change the brain chemistry and right whatever is off in the brain development.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s magnificent is the benefit to the caregiver is as great or greater in research studies than to the child.\u00a0 So, you actually create the bonds of attachment simply through healthy touch which is absolute optimal way that we connect with our kids to start with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We adopted a little girl at birth and it was really interesting to watch my wife\u2019s mothering instinct kick in instantly.\u00a0 This was back in the days when we really didn\u2019t have a waiting period.\u00a0 We told a friend we wanted to adopt and we didn\u2019t know that friend was connected to a doctor who had a young lady who wanted to place the baby in a Christian family.\u00a0 So, we were at a conference in New York City speaking at one of our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences, and we got a phone call and went home with our family expanding from four to five and it was the easiest birth that we ever had.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, I watched Barbara try to breast feed that little baby and she wasn\u2019t able to get her body in a way to kick in the breast milk but she worked and worked.\u00a0 So, what you\u2019re saying is that touch and that effort of attempting to breast feed that baby \u2013 that\u2019s some of the most important things she could have done for our daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely it is.\u00a0 If you think about the system as God designed it.\u00a0 A baby is born, every two hours you nurse, or for some of us every 15 minutes we nurse so a baby\u2019s held a lot.\u00a0 A baby is touched a lot and we know that creates optimal brain development and brain chemistry. Your baby\u2019s range of vision at birth is from the crook of your elbow when you are holding them to your face \u2013 from their little face to your face that\u2019s all they see.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the legacy of a child who\u2019s adored from the second they lay in your arms is wow did God ever do anything so amazing as you.\u00a0 They have that deep sense and impression of us from the moment they\u2019re born.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have some listeners though who either brought home an older child or they didn\u2019t do the $15 DVD and the massage when they brought home their child but now their son or daughter is six or seven or nine or ten, and they\u2019re thinking so I messed up is there still any hope?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There\u2019s always hope.\u00a0 There\u2019s always hope!\u00a0 Let me just stop and say, \u201cI have served children that were newborns that were drug positive.\u00a0 I\u2019ve served children of all ages.\u00a0 I\u2019ve served a 16 year old who tried to cut her mother\u2019s throat with a butcher knife.\u00a0 I\u2019ve served a schizophrenic boy standing on a rooftop in a foster home in Romania.\u00a0 I\u2019ve served children in Ethiopia, and in Rwandan orphanages.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve never seen a child who can\u2019t come to profound levels of healing \u2013 never!\u00a0 There\u2019s no timeline on healing.\u00a0 It\u2019s easiest when they\u2019re little; it\u2019s easiest before the history of failures.\u00a0 So, if you can be proactive and be pre-trained that\u2019s the desire.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and when you say to a profound level of healing you may not be saying that they\u2019ll be a 100% normal like we had hoped they would be \u2013 talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dr. Purvis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, so I work with kids that are brain damaged from drugs, alcohol, starvation, malnutrition in utero, head beatings and so forth \u2013 right?\u00a0 I work with kids who\u2019ve come from really hard places.\u00a0 They have no reason to ever trust in a lifetime.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve worked with six year olds who\u2019ve been harmed more in their six years than I\u2019ve been in my sixty.\u00a0 A lot of kids come with great pain and great fear but if I can teach a child who they are, that they\u2019re precious.\u00a0 If they know at a deep level I am precious.\u00a0 I am unique.\u00a0 I am loved.\u00a0 I know how to get my needs met from safe people, and I understand what I need, feel, and want, and what\u2019s more I understand what you need, feel, and want that can be a successful kid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they have a 70 IQ, maybe they\u2019ll be a burger boy.\u00a0 Maybe they\u2019ll be a bag boy, maybe they\u2019ll be a little daycare aid, but that can be a successful, happy kid.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe call our book <em>The Connected Child<\/em> because a child who is hurt disconnects.\u00a0 They don\u2019t know what they feel.\u00a0 What they need.\u00a0 What they want and how to get their needs met appropriately, who\u2019s safe.\u00a0 They\u2019re disconnected and they don\u2019t know how to connect to us.\u00a0 They don\u2019t know how to tell us appropriately, and they\u2019re disconnected in dynamic ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we can begin to give a child a voice then we can begin to bring them to healing.\u00a0 We know from research back in the 50\u2019s from two Yale Pediatricians that if babies aren\u2019t attended to in the first 30 days of their life they stop crying.\u00a0 Those who\u2019ve been in international orphanages like myself will go into a room full of babies and not a whimper.\u00a0 They already know don\u2019t cry no one will come \u2013 see they\u2019ve lost their voice.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know Karyn if Barbara was here she would echo your words of hope.\u00a0 One of her favorite passages is in the first couple of chapters of Matthew.\u00a0 After Mary had been promised the Messiah, and she responded with God all things are possible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, what you\u2019ve done and what I appreciate about you is you\u2019ve placed hope where it respectfully needs to go which is in God but then you\u2019ve said that healing may not look like what we had dreamed of:\u00a0 What we had hoped it would look like.\u00a0 Your book is subtitled:\u00a0 <em>For Parents Who Have Welcomed Children From Other Countries and Cultures, From Troubled Backgrounds, With Special Behavioral or Emotional Needs<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn some ways I think every child comes with emotional needs that God has hand selected us as parents to trust Him with, and to lean into Him, and not always upon our own understanding but ask Him for wisdom to know how to love, lead, guide, protect, nourish, and cherish that child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the challenge for all of us Bob as parents is to cheer one another on to be the kind of nurturing caregiver that children need today because this is an evil world and children need that nourishment, and they need that protection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When I go back to where you started things today you talked about the need to count the cost, and how Jesus warns us, reminds us that no one would build a tower without first counting the cost.\u00a0 At the same time any parent is counting the cost about a decision to adopt or bring in a foster child, or minister to a hurt child you also need to look around at the cost in our culture of more than a 140,000,000 orphans \u2013 we have an issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we have to count the personal cost; we also have to be aware of what God has called us to \u2013 to be the ones who reach out to the widows, and to the orphans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We\u2019re not only helping those who are adopting children by offering a broadcast like this, but we\u2019re also calling laymen and women to step up in their local church and start an orphan care, foster care, and adoption ministry.\u00a0 As Karyn said, \u201cGive a voice to those who have no voice\u201d and step up and talk about what your church can do because there are a lot of other things individuals and churches can do besides adoption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In fact if you go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com you\u2019ll find a link there to information about an event that\u2019s taking place April 29<sup>th<\/sup> and 30<sup>th<\/sup> in Minneapolis.\u00a0 It\u2019s the sixth Orphan Summit \u2013 the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit Six being held in Minneapolis.\u00a0 John Piper is going to speak.\u00a0 Mary Beth Chapman is speaking, Steven Curtis Chapman providing music for the event.\u00a0 Al Mohler is going to speak along with a number of others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a gathering place for those who are involved in orphan care ministry, for those who are involved in adoption ministry both in a local church environment and just for people who have a heart for the orphan, and the hurting child all around the world.\u00a0 Again you can get information about The Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit Six taking place in Minneapolis April 29<sup>th<\/sup> through the 30<sup>th<\/sup> when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also information there about Dr. Russell Moore\u2019s very helpful book called <em>Adopted for Life.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>If you care about the orphan and you\u2019ve not read this book yet get a copy from us and I think you will find it as powerful and it is profound.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the summit, or about Dr. Moore\u2019s book or call toll-free 1-800-FLTODAY \u2013 1-800-358-6329 \u2013 that\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY, and we can get you whatever information you need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know we are especially grateful her at FamilyLife for the folks who help support this program and keep it on the air in this particular city.\u00a0 Without listeners like you who from time to time go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation this program could not continue to be heard in this local community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month as a way of saying thank you for your financial support we would like to make available a copy of the new DVD called <em>Magdalena. <\/em>It tells the story of the life of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene, and it is our thank you gift to you this month when you make a donation of any amount to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I like most about this DVD is that it comes with separate audio tracks so that the film can be viewed with over dubbing in Spanish or French or Mandarin, Korean, Arabic, Russian, Portuguese.\u00a0 It gives you the opportunity to pass this DVD along to someone who is not a native English speaker and they can hear the story of Jesus presented in their native tongue \u2013 very powerful!<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to receive a copy of the<em> Magdalena <\/em>DVD you can request it when you make a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0\u00a0 Just type the word \u201cMAGDVD\u201d \u2013 all one word \u201cMAGDVD\u201d in the key code box on the on-line donation form or simply call 1-800-FLTODAY, say I\u2019d like to make a donation, and I\u2019d like that DVD, and you can make your donation over the phone, and we\u2019ll make arrangements to have the DVD sent to you, and we again appreciate you linking arms with us and helping to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to invite you back tomorrow.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to continue to talk with Dr. Karyn Purvis about what adopted parents, and foster parents can do to help children who have come from hard places.\u00a0 That\u2019s coming up tomorrow \u2013 hope you can be with us for that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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