{"id":301995,"date":"2010-03-19T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-03-19T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/myth-3-successful-parents-produce\/"},"modified":"2010-03-19T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-03-19T15:00:00","slug":"myth-3-successful-parents-produce","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/myth-3-successful-parents-produce\/","title":{"rendered":"Myth #3:  Successful Parents Produce &#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is it a parent\u2019s job to produce godly children or God\u2019s?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-19.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"21.06M","filesize_raw":"22085141","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837,2838,2855,2870,2881],"tags":[5131,5130,2209],"podcast_series":[7714],"cwp_profile":[],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301995","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","category-mothers","category-teens","category-tweens","category-young-children","tag-glorify-god","tag-godly-children","tag-parenting","podcast_series-parenting-is-your-highest-calling-and-other-parenting-myths","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301995\/myth-3-successful-parents-produce","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301995\/myth-3-successful-parents-produce","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"j2BSd9d4yv\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/myth-3-successful-parents-produce\/\">Myth #3:  Successful Parents Produce &#8230;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/myth-3-successful-parents-produce\/embed\/#?secret=j2BSd9d4yv\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Myth #3:  Successful Parents Produce &#8230;&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"j2BSd9d4yv\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Is it a parent\u2019s job to produce godly children or God\u2019s?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>For years Dennis Rainey has said, \u201cYour children are not robots.\u00a0 You can\u2019t make them do everything you want them to do.\u201d\u00a0 Leslie Fields agrees.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong>\u00a0 We don\u2019t control the outcome of our children.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s just completely pervasive in our culture this idea that our children become who we make them.\u00a0 But, here\u2019s what happens.\u00a0 When we place our trust in a formula we are removing our trust from God, rather than placing it in God, where God wants us.\u00a0 He wants us dependant on Him alone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Friday March 19. Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you are looking for the principles for raising perfect kids, you have come to the wrong place.\u00a0 If you\u2019re looking for some help and some encouragement stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been sitting here thinking about how parenting in this culture is a little like swimming upstream.\u00a0 I just thought maybe we ought to mix that metaphor into what we\u2019re talking about this week, don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Because we have a lady who fishes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We have a salmon fisherman with us on the show, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s the wrong image of Leslie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As a salmon fisherman?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s not that she thinks that\u2019s a bad image.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I bet she could show you some pictures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Or, as someone who is going upstream all the time and is really tired?\u00a0 Does that work?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I would like to see some fish camp pictures.\u00a0 Would you send us a few just so we could see the family at fish camp?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sure, absolutely.\u00a0 You know what, they\u2019re on my website.\u00a0 Go to my website and I\u2019ve got fishing photos and you\u2019ll see all kinds of great photos.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, is your rain suit orange, yellow, what color is it?\u00a0 You know the pants and the\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely the rain gear that we wear it depends on your sense of fashion, but it\u2019s mostly orange and yellow.\u00a0 Some of it is half orange and half yellow.\u00a0 So it\u2019s bright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You can coordinate.\u00a0 Mix and match.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, mix and match, but visibility is the key.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you\u2019ve been listening this week, you know that\u2019s the voice of Leslie Leyland Fields.\u00a0 She is the author of <em>Surprise Child<\/em> and has written another book called <em>Parenting is Your Highest Calling and Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Leslie is from Alaska where they do wear a little rain gear, and they do a little fishing and hunting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And we\u2019re not kidding about three months a year that you guys are at fish camp.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 And pretty much the rain gear is the suit of choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is the story that I want to open the broadcast with today because, you ran into some challenges one season in terms of the fish running well and you didn\u2019t have enough help and you had to have one of your sons operate a boat out in the ocean at what age?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thirteen.\u00a0 And to run a skiff.\u00a0 It is important to know, this is not in a little sheltered bay, this is out on the open ocean in a very stormy area.\u00a0 He probably would have run his own skiff at age fourteen, but a year makes a big difference.\u00a0 We were shorthanded and Isaac wanted to do it, we were scared and apprehensive and the fact that Isaac wanted to step up to do this.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just a man\u2019s job.\u00a0 But it\u2019s a job that requires great strength and judgment\u2014it\u2019s very demanding.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, tell the truth, your book says, \u201cMyths that trap us in worry and guilt\u201d Mom, how much did you worry seeing him head off into the Pacific Ocean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did.<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh yes, the Gulf of Alaska.\u00a0 Oh yes.\u00a0 I worried how he would do in a storm, when the waves are crashing over the skiff, will he have good judgment?\u00a0 I had all those worries.\u00a0 All my kids had been in a skiff at an early age, and they have been out in storms.\u00a0 I\u2019ve really had to release them in faith.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re foolish and you make stupid decisions.\u00a0 You try to be wise, but at the same time, you don\u2019t want to operate with fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was he in eyesight of another skiff?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Somebody was able to be there if he needed bailing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s still a nervous adventure to send a thirteen year old off on though.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But that\u2019s what your book is about ultimately is helping parents understand what their purpose is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>The Nervous Adventure of Parenting,\u201d you could have named it that, couldn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 \u201cThe Anxious Adventure\u201d get some alliteration in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This week we\u2019ve been talking about some of the myths that you write about in your book.\u00a0 I want to take myth number eight:\u00a0 \u201cSuccessful parents produce godly children automatically.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is a big one.\u00a0 I think this is not just a myth, I think it\u2019s a hope.\u00a0 Every parent\u2019s greatest desire is to see every one of their children become godly adults.\u00a0 I think what we\u2019ve done is, we\u2019ve taken one verse in particular in the scriptures, that is Proverbs 22:6, \u201cTrain up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe look at that verse as a kind of promise from God.\u00a0 There are two parts to the promise; if we train up a child\u2014that\u2019s our part that\u2019s contingent upon us doing what we need to do.\u00a0 If we do that rightly and correctly then God is promising us that when our child is old he will not depart from it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, there\u2019s a real problem there, and I see a lot of parents clinging to that verse as a promise that my child will, must become a godly adult because I\u2019ve trained him up right.\u00a0 Well, there\u2019s some real heartache that comes from misunderstanding that verse.\u00a0 That is, if your child makes other choices, and many children do, if your child grows up and makes other choices, then the fault is yours, you did not train up the child in the way he should go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Most of the condemnation comes from self.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Just recently I was talking with a couple of parents and they had an elementary age child.\u00a0 They\u2019re cruising along through life thinking she\u2019s doing great.\u00a0 The teacher sends a note home saying, \u201cYour child is shooting mean faces at other kids, saying bad things.\u201d\u00a0 And the parents felt like they\u2019d been hit by a torpedo.\u00a0 You\u2019re going along in life thinking everything is well, and everything is going OK, and then your child makes some really foolish choices and all of a sudden as a parent you feel like\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You feel dismayed and despair.\u00a0 Your first thought is, \u201cOk, what have I done?\u00a0 I\u2019ve done something wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s where I want to read the subtitle to this chapter in your book.\u00a0 \u201cSuccessful parents produce godly children\u201d and the subtitle says, \u201cThe danger of making too much of ourselves and too little of God.\u201d\u00a0 I really like that because my problem, and I will speak for Barbara she would say this was true of her as well, we assume we can do this thing.\u00a0 There was arrogance on our part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s the making too much of ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Right.\u00a0 That\u2019s where we abuse the scripture, \u201cTrain up a child in the way he should go\u2026\u201d\u00a0 We think that it\u2019s possible.\u00a0 If I do this, the right amounts of church, the right amount of youth group, the right amount of media, all of these things.\u00a0 We create this checklist in our mind, here are the things.\u00a0 If I do these things, then I can produce a child who\u2019s going to love God, and honor God with their lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what it comes down to.\u00a0 We have made too much of ourselves and too little of God.\u00a0 Raising children, God intended right from the start that raising children is meant to be a walk of faith.\u00a0 Not a walk of, \u201cHey I can do this.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got it wired.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not a formula.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Not a formula, that\u2019s another one of the myths that we haven\u2019t talk about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We fell into this as parents.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking back to when our kids were little, we thought, we need some parenting training.\u00a0 So we started looking for conferences or we started looking for books to read.\u00a0 There are plenty out there that will say, if you follow this pattern\u2014or maybe they don\u2019t say it that overtly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Some of them do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, some do.\u00a0 But there are also others where they don\u2019t say it that overtly, but they say \u201cHere is a picture of our family, and our family looks pretty good doesn\u2019t it?\u00a0 Our kids look pretty good, and here\u2019s how we\u2019ve raised our kids.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there\u2019s this implied idea that if I do what he did, then I\u2019ll get kids like that.\u00a0 Now, we don\u2019t want to make too little of our influence as parenting, because we do have significant influence.\u00a0 But, by the same token, as Dennis has said over and over again, our kids are not robots.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, and we don\u2019t control the outcome of our children.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s completely pervasive in our culture this idea that our children become who we make them.\u00a0 That\u2019s really a very deterministic behavioristic kind of idea.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose books that you\u2019re talking about out there, Bob these training manuals, some of them have God\u2019s name on the front and say \u201cThis is how you raise children by God\u2019s ways.\u201d\u00a0 Some of those books sell in the millions because people are desperate, they want a plan.\u00a0 They want a formula.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s what happens.\u00a0 When we place our trust in a formula, we\u2019re placing it in the author of that formula.\u00a0 We\u2019re even placing it in our own ability to carry out the formula, rather than placing it in God where God wants us.\u00a0 He wants us dependant on Him alone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The interesting twist in all of this is you can take the Bible, the book God gave us, which gives us parenting principles.\u00a0 There\u2019s a whole book Proverbs that are the sayings of a father to a son to help him be wise.\u00a0 We can take those principles and turn them into a formula and in the process miss God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are fallen people, it\u2019s like we can\u2019t get it right.\u00a0 Our hope really becomes the process rather than the God of the child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What you\u2019re talking about here, I heard a guy recently expressing it this way.\u00a0 He said, a lot of us as Christians become functional deists.\u00a0 It\u2019s true in our parenting.\u00a0 We look at it and say, \u201cGod has set up the universe and parenting to work a certain way.\u00a0 If we will just find the way that God set it up to work, then it will all function the way it\u2019s supposed to.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Laws of gravity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What we do is we take God out of the process and just say, it\u2019s the process that is ordained, not God.\u00a0 It\u2019s like God is no longer functioning in the midst of things.\u00a0 Well guess what?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is in the midst of every day and if God wants to suspend the law of gravity, he can do that.\u00a0 In the midst of raising our kids, yes there are principles in the scriptures that relate to how your kids are going to grow up.\u00a0 But they are principles, they are not formulas, and we have to remember that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Right.\u00a0 You know, I look around me and I see so many parents with adult children whose hearts are broken and they\u2019re filled with guilt because they look at their children\u2019s lives and their children have not grown up to be the kind of God-fearing person that they wanted them to be.\u00a0 And they are just filled with guilt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we need to do as parents as we look at our children as they\u2019re developing and growing and even as they leave our home.\u00a0 The question that we need to ask ourselves is not \u201cAm I parenting successfully?\u201d as the world defines success.\u00a0 The question we need to ask ourselves is, \u201cAm I parenting faithfully?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we are responsible for before God.\u00a0 We are not responsible for who our children become because, our children are going to make their choices.\u00a0 They are on a journey with God.\u00a0 We influence them we shape them, we create this home environment, but in the end, this child is on his journey with God, particularly as he grows up and leaves the home.\u00a0 The question is not, \u201cAm I successful as a parent?\u201d but \u201cHave I been faithful as a parent?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>God may have a different plan or agenda even if I am trusting in him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, the interesting thing about what you\u2019re saying Bob is, ultimately you are going to be forced to trust, because your job as a parent will be over.\u00a0 I mean, you can lengthen the apron strings and be one of the most highly manipulative\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Controlling\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Controlling parent imaginable, but you know what?\u00a0 You will die.\u00a0 You will die and your children are going to live without you.\u00a0 The question is who are they going to serve?\u00a0 At that point, you have to trust God to be God in their lives.\u00a0 How have you learned this in your own raising of six children?\u00a0 You\u2019ve faced, undoubtedly a number of choices where you\u2019ve had to decide, who am I going to trust with my child, or my children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Yes, and this is something we were talking about earlier, but sending my child off in a skiff out into the ocean into a storm.\u00a0 Who am I going to trust?\u00a0 I do have some trust in their ability; I have some trust in the boat.\u00a0 I have trust in those, sort of human things.\u00a0 But ultimately I have to trust God who is their maker and their creator. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, you\u2019ve actually set your kids in a boat knowing that a storm was coming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Sure.\u00a0 It happens all the time.\u00a0 Storms happen all the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The reason I\u2019m stopping you there, is this is a picture of life.\u00a0 Storms are coming all the time.\u00a0 You\u2019re sending your kids to school.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know what they\u2019re going to face at school.\u00a0 What they\u2019re going to hear, what they\u2019re going to see.\u00a0 They have to have some wisdom to know how to make the choices.\u00a0 Are you equipping them to sail into the teeth of the storm that we\u2019re facing in this culture?\u00a0 That\u2019s really what you\u2019re talking about here isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0It is what I\u2019m talking about.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s a key thing to say \u201cAre we equipping them?\u201d Because we can be so controlling as parents and to think, \u201cI\u2019m going to solve these problems for you.\u00a0 For one thing, I\u2019m not going to let you go out in the storm.\u201d\u00a0 We could say that right at the get-go.\u00a0 Say, you\u2019re not going out in the storm.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to protect you and shelter you and not let you be exposed to anything, to any kind of danger.\u00a0 We see some parents who do that, but that is not necessarily of faith.\u00a0 That\u2019s not recognizing that God is the sovereign over their lives and we\u2019re not to be ruled by fear.\u00a0 Our kids do live in this world and we have to allow them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What I heard you saying in that is, you wouldn\u2019t let an eight year old get in the skiff and sail off into the storm, because he hasn\u2019t been equipped.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t old enough, mature enough, to be able to drive the boat.\u00a0 But the thirteen-year-old had enough training, he\u2019d been tested, he\u2019d been under your supervision and your husband\u2019s, and older workers who work with you.\u00a0 So you knew that yes you were taking a risk, but it was not, you were not sending him to his death, you were sending him to see if he\u2019d really learned all those lessons on his own.\u00a0 Then you watched him carefully.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 Then you watch him, and then you pray.\u00a0 You pray, because prayer is a huge part of that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, if we really just pulled back and stopped to think about it, how determinative is parenting on the kind of adults people wind up being?\u00a0 We know a lot of examples of people who grew up in pretty messed up families, who by the grace of God turned out to be pretty outstanding young men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Well, that\u2019s kind of my story.\u00a0 Although, forgive me for putting myself in the category of outstanding men and women, but that\u2019s my story.\u00a0 I came from a very difficult childhood in lots of ways.\u00a0 Yet, it was that very pain and difficulty that God used to turn me toward Himself at age 13.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe amazing thing is that out of my family, a family of six children and a mother and father, I believe now that every one of us has come to know the Lord through the very hardships that we endured.\u00a0 That was the hammer and the megaphone\u2014to use C.S. Lewis\u2019s term\u2014that God used to wake us up to what was real and vital and to what we needed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Your messed up family environment that you were growing up in was not ultimately determinative of the young woman you turned out to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Absolutely not, because of God\u2019s grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>By the same token, you turn it back around, a mom and a dad can be doing what a mom and a dad ought to be doing, reading the scriptures to their kids, praying with their kids, instilling character in their kids.\u00a0 They can be doing all of that, and that\u2019s not necessarily determinative of the kind of young man or woman.\u00a0 We know it on the other side.\u00a0 We know that good kids can come out of bad situations, but somehow we think that if it\u2019s the right situation, then the kids ought to turn out right.\u00a0 Often they do, but sometimes they don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Sometimes they don\u2019t.\u00a0 God\u2019s word really is complete.\u00a0 He addresses that in a number of places.\u00a0 The parable of the sower and the seed, and lots of things that help us to see that\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And the parable of the prodigal son, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tL<strong>eslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The prodigal son\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s one dad, two sons and they grow up very differently in the way that they respond to their father.\u00a0 In the parable who is the father?\u00a0 It\u2019s God the Father right?\u00a0 So again I think we have to look back and say, look we do as parents play an important, a vital role in the health and development of our kids.\u00a0 But the determinative role is played by their own willfulness and by the Spirit of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tL<strong>eslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s important for us as parents to recognize that we cannot work or earn our children\u2019s salvation; we cannot work or earn our children\u2019s sanctification.\u00a0 Sometimes we get just a much too exalted view of ourselves as a parent.\u00a0 That\u2019s God\u2019s work and God\u2019s amazing and powerful grace that is not limited by anything.\u00a0 Not limited by our imperfections, not limited by the imperfections of our home.\u00a0 God can break through at any moment and bring that salvation and sanctification that we so desire for our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Leslie, I want to thank you first of all for your book, and then, also for coming down from Alaska and joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 I really think you have done an excellent work here.\u00a0 But you\u2019ve also reminded us we tend to make too much of ourselves, and too little of God.\u00a0 That\u2019s really what we\u2019ve been talking about here.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf somehow a parent could have that on the refrigerator, keep a right perspective of yourself, and keep your hope and your trust in the person of God to do a mighty work in the lives of your children.\u00a0 If you could just somehow maintain the rest, a sense of rest where your hope is placed in God, I think it would make the journey of parenting a whole lot easier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, it has it has made my journey a lot easier.\u00a0 I look back at the moment that I started this book, and the three years where God has brought me through the writing in this book the three year process.\u00a0 There is a huge load that has been taken off my shoulders, these burdens and myths and misconceptions that I was carrying.\u00a0 The yoke that I put upon myself was so much heavier than the yoke that Jesus gives us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I look up at the top of your book and it says, \u201cA liberating look at what God most wants you to know.\u201d\u00a0 I do think this is a liberating book, and I hope a lot of parents will get it and read it.\u00a0 Read it to one another.\u00a0 Read it back and forth to one another before you go to bed.\u00a0 Just remind yourselves of what\u2019s true about your role as parents.\u00a0 It\u2019s critical it\u2019s important, it\u2019s vital.\u00a0 But ultimately, God is in control.\u00a0 You are acting a His agent on his assignment.\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to remember that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, I\u2019d encourage parents go to FamilyLifeToday.com, get a copy of Leslie\u2019s book, it\u2019s called <em>Parenting is Your Highest Calling and Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>1-800-FLTODAY, the number to call if you\u2019d like to order a copy of the book.\u00a0 Or again you can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re about three weeks away from celebrating the resurrection of Christ at Easter.\u00a0 There is a film that has come out recently that tells the story of the life of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>Magdalena: Through Her Eyes<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s a powerful film.\u00a0 It\u2019s on DVD, and this month we decided we wanted to make this DVD available for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>with a donation of any amount.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is part of the reason why.\u00a0 First of all, we think you and your family will really enjoy watching this film.\u00a0 But, we\u2019re also hoping after you\u2019ve watched it, you\u2019ll give it away.\u00a0 You\u2019ll think of somebody you know in your family, your workplace, your neighborhood, at the kids\u2019 school, somebody you can just pass this movie along to.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, if you know somebody who is not a native English speaker, but speaks Spanish or French, or Mandarin or Korean or Arabic or Russian or Portuguese, the DVD comes with audio tracks where those languages are dubbed in.\u00a0 So it makes it a particularly meaningful gift for those who speak those languages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the DVD is our gift to you when you make a donation of any amount this month for the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 You can make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you do that and you want the DVD, be sure to type \u201cMAGDVD,\u201d into the key code box on the online donation form.\u00a0 Or just call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 You can make a donation by phone and just ask for the DVD you heard them talking about on the radio.\u00a0 Then after you\u2019ve watched it, pass it along to somebody who would enjoy watching it, and for whom it might be a life-changing viewing experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that we\u2019ve got to wrap things up today.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I hope you have a great weekend, hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend.\u00a0 I hope you can join us on Monday when Dr. Karyn Purvis is going to be with us.\u00a0 She\u2019s going to help us understand why it is sometimes hard for adopted kids to adjust to their new family.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about adopting kids who have come from \u201chard places.\u201d\u00a0 That comes up Monday.\u00a0\u00a0 Hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is a production of Familylife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301995","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301995"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301995"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301995"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301995"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301995"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301995"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301995"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}