{"id":301993,"date":"2010-03-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-03-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/myth-1-children-make-you-happy\/"},"modified":"2010-03-17T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-03-17T15:00:00","slug":"myth-1-children-make-you-happy","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/myth-1-children-make-you-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"Myth #1:  Children Make You Happy"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Leslie Leyland Fields exposes the myth that \u201cchildren make you happy.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-17.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"25.02M","filesize_raw":"26230468","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2835,2836],"tags":[4292,5128,2209],"podcast_series":[7714],"cwp_profile":[3067],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301993","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-boys","category-raising-girls","tag-children","tag-happy","tag-parenting","podcast_series-parenting-is-your-highest-calling-and-other-parenting-myths","cwp_profile-leslie-leyland-fields","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301993\/myth-1-children-make-you-happy","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301993\/myth-1-children-make-you-happy","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ycRM0lbrzi\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/myth-1-children-make-you-happy\/\">Myth #1:  Children Make You Happy<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/myth-1-children-make-you-happy\/embed\/#?secret=ycRM0lbrzi\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Myth #1:  Children Make You Happy&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ycRM0lbrzi\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Author Leslie Leyland Fields exposes the myth that \u201cchildren make you happy.\u201d","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-03-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I went into the woods\u2014I went on a walk in the woods, and I just cried out to God.\u00a0 I said, \u201cGod where are You in this parenting?\u00a0 I can\u2019t find You\u201d; and I said, \u201cGod, what do You know about being a parent?\u201d\u00a0 I stopped; and this is like this epiphany.\u00a0 \u201cWhat does God know about being a parent?\u201d\u00a0 God knows everything\u2014He is not only my Father, but then I remembered He was the Father of Israel.\u00a0 As I am thinking about that, I just felt this enormous relief.\u00a0 God knows what I am experiencing.\u00a0 God has been there Himself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Wednesday, March 17<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you have ever found yourself frustrated as a parent, and who hasn\u2019t, I think today\u2019s program is going to help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I just think you need to come clean right here at the beginning and tell folks the truth.\u00a0 You came to me not long ago and said, \u201cThat lady salmon fisherman\u2014has she written any books lately?\u00a0 Could we get her back down here and see if she would bring some salmon with her?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, Bob!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTell our listeners the truth!\u00a0 I did not say that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did appreciate a load of salmon that she sent us, though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYeah!\u00a0 But that has nothing to do with why she is on the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Alright.\u00a0 I\u2019ll fess up.\u00a0 That has nothing to do with it, but you did wonder about the salmon when you heard she was coming didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did wonder what kind of run they had, whether it was a prosperous run this year.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And wondering if there might be a little box flying your way?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, I actually, as I read her latest book, I thought, \u201cThis is a book I want to share with our listening audience.\u00a0 I know of so many moms and dads who are in the throes of raising children who need all the encouragement, help, and biblical guidance we can give them.\u00a0 Leslie Leyland Fields has done that again in her book <em>Parenting Is Your Highest Calling<\/em>.\u00a0 Leslie, welcome back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I am really glad to be here.\u00a0 Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am going to divert from our normal way we introduce our guests, Bob; and I am going to read a piece from her book.\u00a0 It begins with the chapter title \u201cParenting Doesn\u2019t Have to Be This Hard.\u201d\u00a0 To which I would say, \u201cReally, Leslie?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to read what you wrote here because as I was reading this, I just fell into it.\u00a0 I go, \u201cShe\u2019s got it.\u00a0 She\u2019s captured where all of us as parents live and go from time to time.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLeslie writes, \u201cI am going to bed happy tonight.\u00a0 We just had a family meeting on our bed\u2014all five boys and our daughter sprawled, folded, draped, limb-to-limb across the bedspread.\u00a0 We talked about our upcoming plans for travel for the year, about schoolwork, about the church service the day before.\u00a0 Our oldest will be going off to college soon.\u00a0 The boys were cooperative, listening, and contributing to the conversation.\u00a0 Our eldest son was showing increasing maturity.\u00a0 The two sons in the middle were getting along better than usual\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, wait.\u00a0 This is starting to sound like the Waltons, you know.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Don\u2019t worry.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She concludes.\u00a0 I\u2019ll keep going here.\u00a0 You want me to read it again don\u2019t you because it is one of those moments?\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe ended our time reading a few verses from Acts with my husband, Duncan; and everyone trotted off to bed cheerfully.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen she writes, \u201cI want the cameras rolling, recording these moments against all of my self-accusations and guilt.\u00a0 I want evidence, proving what great parents we are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI feel affirmed, ready to broadcast all my love for all my children to the world, ready to write a book on how to parent well.\u201d\u00a0 Then there is a \u201cbut; but if I am honest, I can\u2019t end here.\u201d\u00a0 Then she goes on; and you go on, Leslie, to talk about the No. 1 emotion that parents feel\u2014Is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is a sense of failure and guilt.\u00a0 If I had to choose one word, I think I would say, \u201cGuilt.\u201d\u00a0 Guilt and failure are very closely tied together.\u00a0 I can assure you in the heart of hearts of many, if not most parents, is they struggle with a sense of guilt and a sense of deep failure as parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is a huge stewardship we are given\u2014to raise the next generation.\u00a0 We are talking about a human life.\u00a0 We love these kids.\u00a0 We want things to turn out well, but we live in a fallen world.\u00a0 They are fallen creatures, and it is not turning out as well as we wish it would, or should, or could.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, Bob, I think the reason is that most of us come to parenthood not very well prepared.\u00a0 We carry with us, a set of expectations about parenting.\u00a0 I think we live in this culture, and we absorb messages from our culture that are just wrong about parenting.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we create.\u00a0 I had this moment.\u00a0 I know the moment that this book started.\u00a0 I had a horrible morning with my kids.\u00a0 I had to get everybody up and dressed and out the door to school.\u00a0 My husband had been traveling for two weeks, and it was the middle of winter.\u00a0\u00a0 It was cold and dark.\u00a0 Everyone was crabby.\u00a0 I dropped my kids off at the Christian school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Hoping they would \u201cfix them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, please!\u00a0 Please, somebody be kind to them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, I went into the woods\u2014I went on a walk in the woods, and I just cried out to God.\u00a0 I said, \u201cGod where are You in this parenting?\u00a0 I can\u2019t find You.\u201d\u00a0 I am having this conversation with God; and I said, \u201cGod, what do You know about being a parent?\u201d\u00a0 I stopped; and this is like this epiphany.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat does God know about being a parent?\u201d\u00a0 God knows everything\u2014He is not only my Father, but then I remembered He was the Father of Israel.\u00a0 He calls Israel, \u201cMy first-born son.\u201d\u00a0 The entire Old Testament then is this record of what God\u2019s life as a father was like.\u00a0 As I am thinking about that, I just felt this enormous relief.\u00a0 God knows what I am experiencing.\u00a0 God has been there Himself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, because He was the Father and the children of Israel were not very good children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They were not good children.\u00a0 God says, \u201cI\u2019ve held My arms out to you all day long, and you would not come.\u201d\u00a0 I see that God, as the parent, is so loving and completely in love with His children; but at the same time, His children did not always respond well.\u00a0 There was a lot of frustration; there was a lot of heartache and a lot of sorrow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cThat is the true picture of parenting.\u00a0 That is the real picture of parenting.\u00a0 That is real-life parenting.\u201d\u00a0 God has experienced that Himself.\u00a0 That was when I was challenged to look deeply into God\u2019s Word and to find out, \u201cWhat was God\u2019s life as a parent?\u00a0 What did that look like?\u00a0 What does God really tell us about parenting?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not that you need my affirmation, but what you just described, I think, is the place where every parent must come.\u00a0 I really do believe, \u201cIf you are going to raise the next generation according to the biblical blueprints, you have to come to the end of yourself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If you don\u2019t, you are going to think you can do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In fact, what I think actually happens is\u2014you come to the end of yourself multiple times\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, yeah!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>As a father, as a mother.\u00a0 It is in that emptiness and in that feeling of weakness and helplessness that we turn to Jesus Christ and say on a walk in the woods, \u201cHelp!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Help!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I coined a phrase, Bob.\u00a0 \u201cGod loves the prayer of a helpless parent.\u201d\u00a0 If you go there, He will answer that prayer.\u00a0 Now that doesn\u2019t mean your kids are going to turn out right because the nation of Israel had the perfect father, and it is still working out the process of turning out right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let me read the title of your book.\u00a0 It is called <em>Parenting Is Your Highest Calling:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>And Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt.<\/em>\u00a0 You list a number of myths here.\u00a0 As I read through this list, I thought, \u201cSome of these, there is a grain of truth in each one of these.\u201d\u00a0 It is not a myth on its face; it is a myth when we hold it too tight or when we think it is inviolable.\u00a0 There really is a kernel in each one of these that is true, isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh there is, absolutely.\u00a0 People have asked me, \u201cHow did you come up with these myths?\u201d\u00a0 The first thing I say is, \u201cWell, I believed every one of them.\u201d\u00a0 I did.\u00a0\u00a0 I absolutely believed every one of them because there is some truth in these myths; but we have to look beyond the surface\u2014deeper\u2014and when we look at them more theologically, more biblically, we have to give them over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, for example, you start off the book by talking about the myth that having children makes you happy.\u00a0 We have five.\u00a0 Having them did make us happy.\u00a0 I mean, we are happy to have our five kids.\u00a0 We\u00a0 haven\u2019t been happy all the time\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Biblically, Bob\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean, it says children are a reward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>A blessing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The heritage from the Lord.\u00a0 They are satisfying.\u00a0 They do bring fulfillment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So where is the myth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay.\u00a0 Do I get a \u201cbut\u201d in here?\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 Here is another \u201cbut.\u201d\u00a0 Dennis, that verse is the only verse I could find in the Scriptures that equate children with happiness because I think God\u2019s purpose for children is not for our happiness and fulfillment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that is where we are going wrong, even as a church culture.\u00a0 I think we sort of promise or create this expectation toward couples and newly-married couples that, \u201cChildren will complete you.\u00a0 Children will make you happy and fulfilled.\u201d\u00a0 I think women in particular get this message that, \u201cChildren will fulfill you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome really negative things are happening because of that message.\u00a0 When your two-year-old shakes her fist and says, \u201cI hate you!\u201d or when your teenage son is going through rebellion, you know what, you\u00a0 are not feeling really happy and you are not feeling really fulfilled.\u00a0 Women end up questioning the value of parenting because, \u201cI am not feeling happy.\u00a0 I am not feeling fulfilled.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to look deeper at that question and really the question we are getting at is, \u201cWhat are children here for?\u201d\u00a0 They are not here to meet our need for happiness and fulfillment.\u00a0 That is not what they are here for.\u00a0 They are here for God\u2019s purposes\u2014not for my purposes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You tell a story about God\u2019s purpose for children by reminding us of Samson and his birth.\u00a0 It was interesting as I was reading your rendition of the story.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t make it up\u2014you were just telling it.\u00a0 I sort of a sudden realized, \u201cYou know what, Samson\u2019s parents must have started out with some high expectations.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, my goodness.\u00a0 They are infertile\u2014childless\u2014no children.\u00a0 You know what that means.\u00a0 You know they are longing for a child.\u00a0 That is the one thing they are longing for, and an angel comes.\u00a0 An angel of God comes and tells them, \u201cYou are going to have a baby.\u201d\u00a0 That is how their parenting journey begins\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You would think at that point, \u201cWow!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Of course.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Think about this gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes\u2014this gift.\u00a0 Not only that, but the angel tells them, \u201cThis child is to be a Nazarite.\u00a0 He is going to be set apart from birth.\u00a0 He is going to deliver Israel from the Philistines.\u201d\u00a0 So they are thinking; they have got to be thinking, \u201cWow!\u00a0 This is going to be a man filled with the Spirit of God.\u00a0 He is going to be obedient to God.\u00a0 He is going to have this incredible Spirit-filled life.\u201d and\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>They watch him grow up and select a spouse.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The first words that Samson says after we have all this expectation\u2014you know on the parents\u2019 part\u2014of course I read this through the eyes of a parent.\u00a0 The first words that Samson says to his parents are:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve seen a Philistine woman down in Timnah now get her for me as my wife.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>Because she looks good to me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>\u201c<\/strong>She looks good to me,\u201d is right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I have that highlighted in my Bible.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got a life verse for me. (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean he is speaking, it feels like, disrespectfully.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely because the father is to be the honored patriarch.\u00a0 He is making a demand of his father.\u00a0 He is demanding something that violates one of God\u2019s laws, which is not to marry a foreigner.\u00a0 Right here, immediately, we begin to see something about the character of Samson and begin to see a glimpse of what kind of heartache this must have brought to his parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So there is truth that there is joy in being a parent, having kids; but we have to balance that reality with the fact that there is going to be hardship, and pain, and suffering, and that our happiness is not the primary reason why God gives us children in the first place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Absolutely.\u00a0 That becomes the anchor for us.\u00a0 I love the Samson story so much because of the way it ends.\u00a0 Most of us know the story of Samson\u2014it is a tragic story.\u00a0 There is no comic relief along the way.\u00a0 He dies at the end.\u00a0 His eyes are gouged out, and he is set to grinding meal like an ox.\u00a0 One last time he calls on God\u2019s strength.\u00a0 The temple comes crashing down, and he kills all of God\u2019s enemies.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe story of Samson, which by the way, is four entire chapters of the Old Testament.\u00a0 So it is a very long story\u2014which tells us that it is probably kind of important.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe end of Samson\u2019s life story is summed up with six words.\u00a0 \u201cAnd he led Israel for 20 years.\u201d\u00a0 That returns us immediately to the prophecy of the angel which was, \u201cHe shall deliver Israel from the Philistines.\u201d\u00a0 Here is the thing\u2014that is exactly what Samson did.\u00a0 Samson accomplished just what God said he would accomplish.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo Samson\u2019s parents, I assume, there was some joy in their lives as parents.\u00a0 I know there were a lot of heartache, and heartbreak, and hurt; but in the end, they can feel joy in the fact that God accomplished exactly what He said He would accomplish through the life of their son, in spite of all the sin, in spite of all the failure.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we can hang on that as a truth for our own kids.\u00a0 No matter what happens, God has a purpose for every one of our kids.\u00a0 God\u2019s purposes cannot fail.\u00a0 That can be our source of joy and fulfillment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I am so glad you said that, Leslie, because as parents, we watch the story emerge.\u00a0 Samson\u2019s mom and dad, as they watched him have his eyes gouged out, as they watched him in public humiliation, had to die a thousand deaths of shame.\u00a0 They were looking at a parenthesis in his life.\u00a0 I think as parents, at points, we know our children all too well. We need to be reminded of the big picture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The big story that is taking place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 The big story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That God is working His plan out.\u00a0 We don\u2019t know what the beginning and end will ultimately be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Leslie:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No.\u00a0 The wonderful thing about Samson\u2019s story is we do get a glimpse of the rest of the story.\u00a0 In Hebrews 11, in the \u201cHall of Faith\u201d chapter, when the mighty men and women of God who accomplished much for the Kingdom are listed\u2014Samson is in that list.\u00a0 Samson is one of the heroes of the faith.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Even though, as we think about him here.\u00a0 We are thinking about his failures.\u00a0 What a tragedy, but he was a man who lived by faith.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was talking just last night with a dad.\u00a0 We were talking; and he said, \u201cIt has not been a good week at our house--a lot of late nights.\u00a0 Our oldest, who is about 12, is starting to get a little mouthy\u2014sassing back to his mom, being disrespectful.\u00a0 He is pushing back, and he is not taking correction well.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to fix this.\u00a0 We have to nip this thing in the bud.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI smiled; and I said, \u201cHe\u2019s 12?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cJust strap in because it is going to be a roller coaster ride of repetition, disappointment.\u00a0 I\u2019m not trying to be a prophet of doom; I\u2019ve just been down this road.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You kind of sound like it though, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ve had this ticket before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Did you have to give him a couple of aspirin after that?\u00a0 What did you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, he smiled kind of like he knows, \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 He is going to have some bumps ahead as they raise this son who is emerging into his own sense of adulthood, and who wants to do things his own way.\u00a0 We were talking about strategies related to that.\u00a0 I sat with him thinking, \u201cI know there are times that as a dad, as a mom, you go, \u2018I\u2019d just like this to be over.\u00a0 I would love to ship you off to boarding school, and we\u2019ll hit the empty-nest years early.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be okay with that.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u201cWe\u2019ll see you when you are grown up.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let\u2019s just all admit we have all felt like that.\u00a0 We are going to have seasons like that.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean that you have messed up as a parent\u2014now, you might have messed up as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, you can almost assume\u2014there will be mess-ups.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are not going to do it perfectly.\u00a0 You know, as we are talking here, Leslie, I am looking over your shoulder to a teammate who is in the studio, helping with the broadcast, Todd Nagel.\u00a0 Todd and I have worked together for a number of years.\u00a0 He is on the front-end of this deal.\u00a0 Todd is expecting their fourth child.\u00a0 What are the ages, Todd?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Todd:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Six, four, three, and new-born.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>My conclusion of this broadcast is for you and Sarah.\u00a0 Here is what we have said today, \u201cParenting is worth it.\u201d\u00a0 No matter how hard it is at a point in time, it really is worth it.\u00a0 It is not nearly as much for you as you think it is, but it is worth it.\u00a0 There is a myth that says it is going to make you happy.\u00a0 That is a myth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, children have a divine purpose.\u00a0 God is at work crafting that purpose for them.\u00a0 Todd, He is going to use you and Sarah to help craft that divine purpose; but at a point, just like it says in Psalm 128, you will let go of the \u201carrow.\u201d\u00a0 There will be what is called string-slap against the forearm, except the string-slap occurs in the heart.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt will be very difficult to let go; but you\u2019ll let them go, and you\u2019ll let them emerge as adults.\u00a0 You\u2019ll sit back; and you must remind yourself about what we have talked about here because if you don\u2019t, you are going to be where we talked about at the beginning of this broadcast which is you are going to be filled with guilt, and shame, and rehearsing all your mistakes you made as a parent.\u00a0 I want you to know, \u201cGod is bigger than all your mistakes.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In the meantime, keep in mind that your kids are there as chisels in your life, too.\u00a0 God is using your children to\u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You had to get a word in on this, too, didn\u2019t you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s just\u2014I\u2019ve been here.\u00a0 I think it would be helpful for you and Sarah to get a copy of Leslie\u2019s book and read through a chapter together.\u00a0 Sit down at night, after the kids are in bed when you just want to go to sleep\u2014even if it is just a couple of pages.\u00a0 Get your perspective right on the assignment that God has given you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is called <em>Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: And Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt<\/em> by Leslie Leyland Fields.\u00a0 We have it in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get information about how you can order a copy of the book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it is FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That is 1-800- F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 We can let you know how you can get a copy of Leslie\u2019s book sent out to you.\u00a0 I think a lot of families, a lot of parents, are going to find this helpful, and encouraging, and just the right adjustment for their parenting perspective.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are really grateful here at FamilyLife for the many folks who, not only listen to our daily program, but for those of you who from time to time will make a donation to help support this ministry.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to do that or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 It is those donations that keep us on this radio station, keep FamilyLifeToday.com on the web, and enable us to make resources available to listeners all across the country and around the world.\u00a0 We do appreciate your financial partnership with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, if you make a donation of any amount to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we have a thank-you gift we would like to send you.\u00a0 It is a DVD, a film put together by the <em>JESUS<\/em> film project called <em>Magdalena.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It tells the story of Jesus through the eyes of Mary Magdalene.\u00a0 It is powerfully done.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the cool things about the DVD is that it also features the film dubbed in Spanish, and French, Mandarin, Korean, Arabic, Russian, and Portugese.\u00a0 If you know somebody who speaks one of those languages as a primary language, you can get a copy of the <em>Magdalena<\/em> DVD and give it to them as a gift around Easter-time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you can make a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you do that, and you want to get a copy of the DVD, just type, \u201cMAGDVD\u201d into the key code box, all as one word\u2014\u201cMAGDVD,\u201d or make your donation by phone at 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Ask for the <em>Magdalena<\/em> DVD, and we will send it out to you.\u00a0 We do appreciate whatever you are able to do to help support this ministry.\u00a0 Your partnership means a lot to us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we are going to be back to talk more with Leslie Fields about parenting myths and what we can do to adjust our thinking so that we can be the kind of parents God wants us to be.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey; I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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