{"id":301981,"date":"2010-02-12T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-02-12T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/qa-on-god-and-sex-part-1\/"},"modified":"2010-02-12T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-02-12T17:00:00","slug":"qa-on-god-and-sex-part-1","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/qa-on-god-and-sex-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Q&#038;A on God and Sex, Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After asking his congregation to send in their questions about sex and intimacy, pastor Matt Chandler\u2019s internet mailbox was flooded.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-02-12.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4066,2991,4893],"podcast_series":[7707],"cwp_profile":[3307],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301981","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-intimacy","tag-sex","tag-sexual-temptation","podcast_series-qa-on-god-and-sex","cwp_profile-matt-chandler","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301981\/qa-on-god-and-sex-part-1","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301981\/qa-on-god-and-sex-part-1","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"slK5sW6nEg\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/qa-on-god-and-sex-part-1\/\">Q&#038;A on God and Sex, Part 1<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/qa-on-god-and-sex-part-1\/embed\/#?secret=slK5sW6nEg\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Q&#038;A on God and Sex, Part 1&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"slK5sW6nEg\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"After asking his congregation to send in their questions about sex and intimacy, pastor Matt Chandler\u2019s internet mailbox was flooded.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-02-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, I\u2019m one of the rare guys, I think men should be looking for \u2013 I mean I am not that weird Christian passive \u2013 okay Lord.\u00a0 I\u2019m about hunting alright. I\u2019m about some nice clothes, some Drakkar \u2013 alright - I\u2019m kidding \u2013 I\u2019m allergic to it!\u00a0\u00a0 Some green polo \u2013 all right \u2013 I\u2019m for hunting.\u00a0 I think men should be on the prowl.\u00a0 Listen to me \u2013 so you hear me \u2013 not to date around to find a wife.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m far more a courtship guy than I am a dating guy.\u00a0 I think dating is practicing divorce!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, February 12<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today we\u2019ll hear Pastor Matt Chandler tackle some tough questions, and give some straight talk on the subject of relationships, romance, dating, and sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 Things could get a little well\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dicey?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Folks might blush a bit listening to today\u2019s program because there\u2019s going to be some candid conversation about\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Marital intimacy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was what I was going to say too because that\u2019s the nice way of saying it \u2013 right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sex\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But it\u2019s as God designed it, and where God designed it to occur.\u00a0 I think we\u2019re in need in this culture especially of being refreshed around what\u2019s a biblical perspective of sex look like?\u00a0 I think this is going to be good for our single listeners as well as our married couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Back a couple of months ago Matt Chandler who is the Pastor at The Village Church in Dallas, Texas had a Friday night session, and it was wise to do it on a Friday night I think rather than doing it in the church service on Sunday morning.\u00a0 But he invited folks out for a talk called God and Sex, and he spoke for about 45 minutes, and then he opened up the floor for questions and what folks are going to hear today, and again next week is some of the Q and A that took place after Matt\u2019s message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would encourage our listeners - go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com \u2013 you can click a link there that will take you to where you can download the entire message.\u00a0 You can hear what Matt had to share, and then listen to the questions and answers that followed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think our listeners ought to know Bob that Matt Chandler had a seizure before Thanksgiving.\u00a0 He was diagnosed with a brain tumor that did turn out to be malignant.\u00a0 He had surgery and is undergoing additional treatment now for that.\u00a0 I just encourage them to pray for him, and his wife, and his family, and their church in the midst of these times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, Matt is a great Pastor, and a great speaker, and as our listeners are going to hear today he understands the scripture as well.\u00a0 I think they\u2019re going to benefit from his insights, and his Biblical answers to some challenging questions in the area of marital intimacy.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Matt Chandler.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What can I do to stop being tempted sexually?\u00a0 Um \u2013 nothing \u2013 no that\u2019s not true!\u00a0 Let me say this:\u00a0 The scriptures are clear in Hebrews chapter 4 that Jesus was tempted in everyway that we are tempted.\u00a0 So, at some level Jesus was tempted sexually.\u00a0 Hebrews is clear on this \u2013 He was tempted in everyway so that we would have an empathetic high priest.\u00a0 Now, what we\u2019ve learned \u2013 what we know is that Jesus did that without sinning.\u00a0 So, you can be tempted without sinning.\u00a0 So, just simple things in regards to the transition between temptation and sin \u2013 okay we\u2019ll be honest.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to admit this men if you\u2019re with your girl but men recognize beautiful women.\u00a0 We think that woman is beautiful.\u00a0\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to say yes to her - we do right now.\u00a0 She\u2019d be saying oh baby \u2013 no, no \u2013 mingle \u2013 all right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut men can think that woman is beautiful \u2013 that is not sinful!\u00a0 That\u2019s not sinful \u2013 in fact you know in the book of Genesis it says Abrams wife Sarah was beautiful \u2013 she\u2019s a beautiful woman \u2013 this woman was beautiful.\u00a0 In the Rachel\/Leah one was beautiful \u2013 one was earthy right?\u00a0 So, noticing a beautiful woman and then crossing the line into fantasy where you either undress them, or take from them what is not yours.\u00a0 That\u2019s a different thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, so I think you have to be careful what you\u2019re putting in your mind.\u00a0 So, let\u2019s be frank if you\u2019re looking at pornographic images almost every woman becomes an object of lust to you.\u00a0 So, I think you have to watch what you feed, and then we clearly get Joseph doing what from Potiphar\u2019s wife \u2013 run, run!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve had two instances in the last couple of years where I thought I have to go \u2013 all right?\u00a0 One of them took place at a gym \u2013 you know I was teaching in Houston, just went to the gym, and worked out.\u00a0 This woman \u2013 she came up, and just started talking, and I\u2019m talking to her \u2013 on the way out of the gym she gave me a piece of paper with her phone number on it, and I said, \u201cOh, I\u2019m so sorry \u2013 I\u2019m married\u201d!\u00a0 She said, \u201cYes, I am too.\u201d\u00a0 You know?\u00a0 All right, and called Bleecker on the phone, and said some oop is trying to seduce me \u2013 all right?\u00a0 You need to pray for me, and pray for her, and man call me later tonight.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t worried about touching.\u00a0 I was worried about where my mind would go later.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, yes Travis is here tonight - we were in Philadelphia, and literally in an elevator and the doors opened and a drunk blonde woman walked in and just put her hand on my chest and said, \u201cAre you here for the shoot\u201d?\u00a0 I said \u201cWhat\u201d?\u00a0 Yes, it\u2019s done \u2013 but here was a great part \u2013 I don\u2019t know who she was \u2013 I had no idea \u2013 she was very flirty, rubbing on me.\u00a0 She says so what are you doing in Philly, and I said, \u201cMy good friend Eric Mason who\u2019s a Pastor here had me fly up \u2013 I\u2019m preaching at his church tomorrow morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe like went white and said, \u201cAre you blankin with me?\u201d?\u00a0 I said, \u201cI swear to you I\u2019m a minister \u2013 I\u2019m here to preach tomorrow morning.\u201d\u00a0 She went ghost white, at the next stop got off the elevator, so, I thought that\u2019s some church girl in rebellion and the Holy Spirit just blew her up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you run \u2013 you flee it that\u2019s how to answer that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s go three \u2013 What does intimacy look like without physical contact in dating?\u00a0 This is a great, great question.\u00a0 Listen to me it\u2019s conversation!\u00a0 How many singles do we have here?\u00a0 Okay, what happens when it turns physical?\u00a0 I\u2019m not even talking about sex \u2013 once you start mugging what happens?\u00a0 You don\u2019t talk anymore do you?\u00a0 You rarely talk \u2013 it starts getting awkward at dinners \u2013 you don\u2019t talk too much \u2013 you just mug!\u00a0 You just get together, and so what ends up happening is intimacy is laid on the wayside for cheap physicality and you don\u2019t grow in your knowledge of one another so that when marriage comes there is that mingling of souls \u2013 alright?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Righ Hava Dood idea where there is I like this person, to I like this person beyond their faults which means I am here no matter what into that mingling of souls.\u00a0 So, intimacy without physical touch looks like a great deal of conversation, a great deal of care, a great deal of encouragement, self control, all those things \u2013 all right?\u00a0 All those things build into intimacy \u2013 what she likes, what he likes, what they don\u2019t like \u2013 all of that comes out.\u00a0 You learn to talk. You learn to communicate.\u00a0 You learn what\u2019s going on in them, you learn where they\u2019re weak, and you learn their shortcomings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople who say that first year was hell when they talk about their marriage I immediately wonder how much they were making out when they were dating.\u00a0 All right \u2013 because you should have been able to spot this person\u2019s kind of selfish when you were dating \u2013 you should\u2019ve!\u00a0 If you didn\u2019t I have to wonder if it wasn\u2019t because you were making out?\u00a0 It\u2019s true!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, intimacy is conversation, it\u2019s getting to know one another.\u00a0 Intimacy occurs when you\u2019re no longer afraid to be you in front of somebody, and it should never go physical until that point has led you into marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext Question:\u00a0 How does a man or woman know or decide that they\u2019re ready to marry?\u00a0 So this is where I guess it gets a little tricky.\u00a0 I think \u2013 so I\u2019m one of the rare guys \u2013 I think men should be looking for it.\u00a0 I mean I am not that weird Christian passive \u2013 okay Lord bring.\u00a0 I\u2019m about hunting\u00a0 - all right?\u00a0 I\u2019m about some nice clothes, some Drakkar \u2013 all right?\u00a0 I\u2019m kidding- I\u2019m allergic to it.\u00a0 Some green polo \u2013 all right \u2013 I\u2019m for hunting.\u00a0 I think men should be on the prowl. Not, listen to me so you hear me, not to date around to find a wife.\u00a0 So I\u2019m far more a courtship guy than I am a dating guy.\u00a0 I think dating is practicing divorce \u2013 okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think a man should be \u2013 I need to grow in maturity, I need to grow in responsibility, I need to get off my Mom and Dad\u2019s payroll.\u00a0 I need to find a job.\u00a0 I need to buy a house.\u00a0 I need to find a wife, and he\u2019s working towards it.\u00a0 Okay \u2013 he\u2019s working towards it so that when he identifies this woman will make a great partner in the Gospel he moves on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I\u2019m always so confused by the we have been dating for five years.\u00a0 Five years!\u00a0 Like what are you waiting \u2013 well, I\u2019m waiting until we can afford \u2013 afford what?\u00a0 What are you wanting to buy a yacht?\u00a0 Do you have a place to live that\u2019s not one of your parents\u2019 house?\u00a0 Can you buy food?\u00a0 What else do you need?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think the woman should be looking for it, and here\u2019s what I\u2019ll tell you a lot of the problems with dating in Evangelical circles are the girls.\u00a0 Here\u2019s what I mean by that.\u00a0 You guys will tolerate some flirty idiot \u2013 flirty and romancing you without seriously pursuing you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI promise you where you would go quit flirting with me and grow up.\u00a0 I promise you they will lay in bed that night and think oh, I need to grow up.\u00a0 But see because you put up with it, because you let it feed your insecurities well, it just perpetuates it.\u00a0 So, you keep getting your heart broke, you keep getting your heart broke.\u00a0 You keep getting your heart broke.\u00a0 You keep getting your heart broke because you\u2019re not willing to tell a little boy really.\u00a0 I tell you what I think you\u2019re cute, you make me laugh, if you would act your age, and grow up we might be able to talk.\u00a0 But, as for now you need to get out of my face \u2013 don\u2019t call me, text me, Face book me, direct message me on twitter.\u00a0 You grow up, and we can have this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think if Christian women would say I\u2019m looking for a godly man, this guys not even trying towards that direction so he can\u2019t flirt with me, I think you\u2019d force guys into being serious, and about pursuing maturity.\u00a0 But, until then when they can get away with making out with you in your car out front of your apartment there\u2019s no one pressing on them that they have to grow up except me.\u00a0 So, you\u2019ll need to help yourself in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think you have to have a lot of money to get married.\u00a0 I was making $12,000 a year when Lauren and I got married.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think you both have to have cars that run \u2013 I was driving a 1989 Chevy Corsicana with 200,000 miles on it \u2013 I swear- okay?\u00a0 Our rent \u2013 we lived in a ghetto little dump house where rent was 350 dollars a month.\u00a0 The sewage would back up into the bathtub \u2013 I\u2019m not kidding!\u00a0 Every year the heater would break \u2013 we had a space heater in a closet we\u2019d pull out in the bedroom, shut all the doors, turn on that thing \u2013 we loved those early days \u2013 we loved those days!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf the church wouldn\u2019t have given us a pounding \u2013 you know what that is where people bring you like beets, and all sorts of other crud that you would never eat.\u00a0 Get them out of their thing, give them to you \u2013 if we didn\u2019t have that I don\u2019t know that we would have survived.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext Question:\u00a0 What do I do if I feel I\u2019ve met my future husband but he is currently an immature Christian boy?\u00a0 To me it\u2019s all about trajectory \u2013okay?\u00a0 Are you tracking with what I mean by trajectory?\u00a0 If he\u2019s serious about his faith, and he\u2019s seeking to grow in his faith \u2013 he\u2019s actively growing in his faith, and he\u2019s throwing the game on you \u2013 sure okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it\u2019s all about trajectory \u2013 if they\u2019re saying, \u201cI love the Lord, I want to grow in the Lord. They\u2019ve sought out mentors, they\u2019re in the word, they\u2019re in Bible studies, they\u2019re trying to see their flesh beat down \u2013 if this is who we\u2019re talking about and yet he\u2019s still just a little immature, still a little then I don\u2019t have any problem in you dating that.\u00a0 There are a lot of guys that I even I\u2019ve walked with for seasons that are extremely immature in their faith but their trajectory was unreal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for me it\u2019s all about what are they doing, where they\u2019re headed because let me be honest with you what I wanted in a woman doesn\u2019t exist at 19.\u00a0 What I was looking for was trajectory \u2013 all right?\u00a0 What you as young women are looking for like if you listen to me tonight I\u2019m thinking godly ferocious man, but if you\u2019re thinking oh, look at how Bleecker loves his wife that\u2019s what I want \u2013 oh look at how Chandler talks about his wife \u2013 that\u2019s what I want \u2013 look at that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re in our 30\u2019s \u2013 Matt Chandler 21, 22\u00a0 - it\u2019s not what you\u2019re seeing now.\u00a0 So, I think what you have to look for is that trajectory:\u00a0 Is this a man who is serious about his faith?\u00a0 I did not say, \u201cIs this a man who goes to church.\u201d\u00a0 Is this a man that\u2019s serious about his faith?\u00a0 If the answer is yes I think you have a great trajectory.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s okay to enter into that relationship.\u00a0 If some of that immaturity is harmful to the relationship then I think it\u2019s okay for you as the woman who\u2019s a little bit more mature at this moment to point out that immaturity, and say, \u201cI can\u2019t do this until you grow in that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I had a dear friend in college \u2013 Mike Hale who the girl he\u2019s married to now \u2013 he asked her out, and she said, \u201cNo way.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cWhy not baby?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, first of all because you called me baby.\u201d\u00a0 She just really listed out in this area of your life you\u2019re a dishelved fool, and I can\u2019t \u2013 I might enter in and really fall in love with you and have my heart broken because of this area of your life.\u00a0 Hale will to this day talk about how that drove him to get help, to look at that area of his life, start organizing that area of his life.\u00a0 Then he you know I think like six, seven months later he\u2019s like huh, a huh huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext Question:\u00a0 I messed up, and I am no longer a virgin \u2013 am I wrong for thinking I don\u2019t deserve a virgin to marry?\u00a0 Yes, you are wrong.\u00a0 Deserve is a stupid word.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say it like that \u2013 deserve is a stupid word.\u00a0 You don\u2019t deserve anything!\u00a0 God is so infinitely gracious and beautiful.\u00a0 He gives to all freely.\u00a0 You\u2019re assuming that a virgin deserves a virgin.\u00a0 Sure, yes please don\u2019t punish yourself where Christ has not punished you.\u00a0 Why would you do that?\u00a0 Why would you think oh she\u2019s a virgin I can\u2019t \u2013 no- no!\u00a0 All things new \u2013 that guy is dead, he was nailed to the cross of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 All things are new- all things are new!\u00a0 Yes you\u2019re wrong \u2013 you\u2019re wrong \u2013 there\u2019s grace for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext Question:\u00a0 Why is living with someone before marriage wrong?\u00a0 Okay \u2013 I mean this is a wisdom issue.\u00a0 It\u2019s not wrong as much as it\u2019s dumb.\u00a0 So, here\u2019s what I mean by that \u2013 you\u2019re talking about cohabitation \u2013 okay?\u00a0 When you\u2019re in the stage of moving towards getting married the physical becomes more and more difficult does it not?\u00a0 Because you\u2019re growing like this \u2013 you started out here, and you\u2019re growing, and you\u2019re growing, and you\u2019re growing, and you\u2019re growing\u00a0 - you\u2019re growing closer and closer together so those urges that God gave us \u2013 where the fire might have been on one now it\u2019s on ten right?\u00a0 You have like three months left, or whatever.\u00a0 So most people you have to say, \u201cOkay, hey it\u2019s probably not a good idea for you not to be alone.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a guy on our staff that\u2019s so great \u2013 he was living in a different city at the time they were engaged.\u00a0 He literally called, and said, \u201cI\u2019ll see you at the Wedding.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s two months away, and I\u2019ll see you in two months.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s when we will see each other\u00a0 - that\u2019s when that\u2019s happening \u2013 all right?\u00a0 So, if you\u2019re both in the same apartment what you\u2019re doing is you\u2019re faking marriage \u2013 but like you\u2019re faking it.\u00a0 Then maybe you can come up and talk to me afterwards \u2013 you would not be able to convince me that you\u2019re not having sex.\u00a0 So, how It\u2019ll work is oh let\u2019s just fall asleep on the couch together, right?\u00a0 I mean oh let\u2019s just watch a movie\u00a0 - oh okay.\u00a0 Then it just progresses.\u00a0 The physical progresses it\u2019s how it was designed to work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, kissing, pecking leads to kissing, lingering leads to full on kissing which leads to pulling people entire which leads to and I\u2019m not going to do the whole thing for you but this leads to this, leads to this, leads to this, leads to this.\u00a0 When you\u2019re cohabitating this is a wisdom issue.\u00a0 No one would be able to say this is wrong \u2013 we\u2019re saying it\u2019s unwise and foolish for how God designed the thing to work \u2013 okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I can\u2019t take you in the Bible right now and show you here\u2019s where it says, \u201cDo not cohabitate.\u201d\u00a0 I would say that your setting yourself up to fail \u2013 to fail \u2013 to fall \u2013 okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext question:\u00a0 If I am dating the woman I am going to marry then can we have sex?\u00a0 Are we not one flesh in God\u2019s eyes already?\u00a0 When do we become one flesh?\u00a0 You become one flesh when you enter into the covenant of marriage that is sealed by under our laws the state and an ordained minister \u2013 okay?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust because you bought a ring, just because you put it on her finger, and just because the wedding date is set does not make you married.\u00a0 If you would like I can give you an unbelievably long list of men and women who have been engaged and are not married.\u00a0 Which means before the wedding came it disintegrated!\u00a0 You\u2019re married when you\u2019re married!\u00a0 This is a game.\u00a0 It\u2019s a game, it\u2019s opening your presents \u2013 your Christmas presents at Thanksgiving \u2013 that\u2019s what this is \u2013 it\u2019s a game.\u00a0 You wait, you get married, and then you celebrate \u2013 and then you celebrate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMay we every one of us walk in the rhythm God designed for this.\u00a0 Not just in His structure, but in His direction.\u00a0 May we enjoy and walk in the creative gift of sex that God has given us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening today to questions and answers with Pastor Matt Chandler from a message he gave not long ago at his church:\u00a0 The Village Church in suburban Dallas, Texas.\u00a0 This was a Friday night session entitled:\u00a0 God and Sex.\u00a0 The questions as you heard there were some challenging questions but they do reflect a lot of the muddy thinking in our culture today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And in church Bob!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He wasn\u2019t fielding the questions at a bar \u2013 he was in church with people who go to church and I think we have to realize that our churches are filled with people who are redeemed but they\u2019re coming out of as you said a culture that really is muddying our thinking and we really need to be sharper in terms of understanding what the Bible does teach especially that last question we heard him answer around premarital sex.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are a lot of guys who will play a game with a young lady, and try to convince her to go ahead and have sex prior to marriage.\u00a0 But, you just need to know it\u2019s not good thinking \u2013 it\u2019s not biblical thinking.\u00a0 You need to wait until you\u2019re married when you can enjoy the privilege and the pleasure of two people becoming one with no shame and no guilt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I want to remind folks that we\u2019ve just heard a portion today of the message that Matt originally presented at The Village Church and you can go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com there\u2019s a link there that will take you to The Village Church website \u2013 the message can be downloaded at no cost.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like to get a copy and listen to it we would encourage you to do it.\u00a0 Matt\u2019s presentation is outstanding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you want to think more biblically in this area, and I think all of us should want that we have resources in our FamilyLife TodayResource Center that can help you do that.\u00a0 Go to FamilyLifeToday.com \u2013 you\u2019ll find more information available there and please remember to keep Matt and his wife Lauren and their whole family in your prayers as Matt undergoes treatment for this brain tumor that he\u2019s recently been diagnosed with.\u00a0 We hope you\u2019ll join us in praying for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally this week I want to say thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>We are listener supported \u2013 without your financial help we could not continue this ministry each day on this local radio station, and on our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 So, thanks to those of you who do from time to time make a donation to help support us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month if you can make a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> we\u2019d love to send you a copy of an audio CD that features Jody and Linda Dillow giving a presentation on what they call <em>The Four Flames of Marital Intimacy<\/em>:\u00a0 Looking at Themes that come from The Song of Songs \u2013 The Song of Solomon, and looking at what it teaches us about marital love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to send you a copy of that CD \u2013 again it\u2019s our way of saying thank you for your financial support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>If you make a donation of any amount on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com and you\u2019d like to get a copy of the CD type the word \u201cFOUR\u201d into the key code box on the on-line donation form.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr when you call 1-800-FLTODAY and make your donation over the phone just ask for the CD on intimacy or the CD on The Four Flames, and we\u2019ll know to send it out to you.\u00a0 Again we appreciate your partnership with us, and glad to have you listening to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 Hope you and your family are able to be back with us on Monday when Francis Chan is going to join us.\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about what he calls The Forgotten God \u2013 The Ministry of the Holy Spirit and how that relates to our families.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 Thanks to Phil Krause for his special help as well on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 See you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock Arkansas \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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