{"id":301979,"date":"2010-02-08T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-02-08T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/dousing-the-flames-of-adultery\/"},"modified":"2010-02-08T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-02-08T17:00:00","slug":"dousing-the-flames-of-adultery","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dousing-the-flames-of-adultery\/","title":{"rendered":"Dousing the Flames of Adultery"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dennis Rainey tells couples how to keep their marriages strong in the face of temptation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-02-08.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"12.23M","filesize_raw":"12821904","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903],"tags":[4086,5111],"podcast_series":[7432],"cwp_profile":[3142,3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301979","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","tag-commitment","tag-temptation-in-marriage","podcast_series-romance-in-the-rain","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301979\/dousing-the-flames-of-adultery","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301979\/dousing-the-flames-of-adultery","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"2KeRrh1RO7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dousing-the-flames-of-adultery\/\">Dousing the Flames of Adultery<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dousing-the-flames-of-adultery\/embed\/#?secret=2KeRrh1RO7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Dousing the Flames of Adultery&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"2KeRrh1RO7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dennis Rainey tells couples how to keep their marriages strong in the face of temptation.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-02-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You've heard the expression, \"to keep the home fires burning?\"\u00a0 Dennis Rainey says don't just keep them burning but keep an eye on them, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sometimes fire can jump out of the fire pit and can start burning somewhere else.\u00a0 When you see the first smoke, because where there's smoke there's \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 fire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you feel the first heartthrob for someone other than your spouse, pull out the fire extinguisher.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, February 8th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 So what are you doing to make sure that the fire you've got in your marriage is contained and burning brightly?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.\u00a0 We had an opportunity several months ago to be out in sunny Southern California.\u00a0 Do you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do, where it's illegal to build fires.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do you mean it's illegal to build fire?\u00a0 Well, I guess it is because of the \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The fire danger in Southern California during certain seasons of the year, you dare not build a fire because it\u2019s against the law, but I suggested the building of a very warm fire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually did incite people to \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Fire building.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Fire building.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I actually had all the equipment there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You brought a fire pit and the fuel and the whole thing, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Had a fire extinguisher, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And what was your point in all of this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let's just back up a little bit.\u00a0 You and I had the privilege of going out and meeting some of our listeners from KKLA in Southern California.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right, the station was celebrating its 20th year of ministry on the air, and so we were a part of the 20-year celebration in having this time together with some of our listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right, and they asked me what I'd like to speak on.\u00a0 I thought, you know, for people in Southern California, given the pace of life that they keep, what better subject than the subject of romance.\u00a0 So I decided to speak their language around an image that all of them, I thought, could identify with, and that is building a fire in the rain.\u00a0 It does rain in Southern California.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, not very often.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right, but in marriage it rains frequently.\u00a0 Building romantic fires is difficult, so we brought some logs, some fire starter, some charcoal-lighting fluid, and some different kind of lighters, and also a fire pit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn\u2019t actually start a fire in the church where we were speaking but we had a good time with our listeners.\u00a0 We had a chance to talk with them around some practical principles of how their marriages can not only go the distance but how they can enjoy one another in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your point that night was that the rain of real life can extinguish the fires of romance, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's exactly right.\u00a0 There are all kinds of things you can do to start a fire, but there are plenty of natural ingredients like schedules, work, children, not to mention our own weaknesses and disappointments that we have with one another \u2013 lots of things that extinguish fires.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And, interestingly enough, as you were presenting this message, you were reflecting back on some events that had taken place in the Rainey family.\u00a0 In fact, that's where we pick things up, as you were reflecting on a fire that had gotten started just a few weeks prior to \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, actually, I helped make the fire legal.\u00a0 The fire was burning, but I married them, and it's okay now for Rebecca and Jake to start a real fire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 To keep that fire going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Previously recorded audio)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is a privilege to be with you in beautiful Southern California.\u00a0 We drove up this morning from San Diego and about 10 days ago, I was doing the marriage ceremony of my daughter, Rebecca.\u00a0 Rebecca is 24 years old and married a young man \u2013 Jake Mutz is his name, and Jake is from Lakeland, Florida.\u00a0 He is number-three child out of 12.\u00a0 And we thought our family was big.\u00a0\u00a0 The wedding was absolutely the most incredibly contrasting wedding you have ever been to in your entire life with absolute hysterical laughter and deep emotions of great moments.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe wedding started when all of our grandkids came in the back, and they came down tossing the flower petals, and my three-year-old grandson, Peterson, who is the son of my son Samuel, decided that racing past his other cousins wasn't enough, so he did a victory lap around the entire church.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other high point of the wedding was after the wedding was over and before the reception both Barbara and I had to gather some things up and Rebecca and Jake had left to go the reception and Barbara had this thing elaborately planned where we had the reception at FamilyLife\u2019s new headquarters.\u00a0 As you walk into our headquarters it\u2019s the only place we really splurged in the whole building and we have this spiraling staircase that comes down.\u00a0 Barbara had this dream of her daughter standing at the top with her young groom beside her announcing she and her husband to come down and we were late.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was only a mile and a half or so from the FamilyLife building and I was following behind Barbara and she took off and I couldn\u2019t keep up with her.\u00a0 My cell phone rang and I pulled it out and it was Rebecca.\u00a0 She said, \u201cDaddy, where are you?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cYour mom had to pick up some things around the church before we left to come to the reception.\u00a0 We\u2019re hurrying sweetheart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said \u201cI\u2019m standing at the top of the stairs.\u201d\u00a0 I said \u201cWait a second sweetheart.\u00a0 I think a highway patrolman just pulled out behind your mom.\u00a0 Yes, he\u2019s moving in behind her and he\u2019s turning into the area and the lights just went on.\u00a0 He\u2019s pulling your mother over.\u00a0 Hold on sweetheart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0 So I pulled over behind the patrolman and I had a big grin.\u00a0 He immediately grabbed his gun like this (shows action) because I\u2019ve got a big pick up and he came over and said \u201cCan I help you?\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cSir, that\u2019s my wife up there.\u201d\u00a0 I mean he had to believe I was going to a wedding I was dressed in a black suit with a pink tie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cSir, my daughter just got married.\u00a0 That\u2019s the mother of the bride.\u00a0 My daughter is standing at the top of the stairs about the make her grand entrance and my wife is hurrying to get there.\u00a0 Have mercy on us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe looked at me with a stern look and said she was going 64 in a 50 this won\u2019t take long.\u00a0 So he walks up to Barbara and she rolls the window down and he let her go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow all of you men know if it had been us in that front car\u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2026it would not have mattered if we were going to our daughter\u2019s wedding or not he\u2019d have written us up but my wife is too beautiful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, that wasn't the true high point.\u00a0 One of the high points of the wedding was when Rebecca stood before her mom and me and gave us a tribute, and I clipped out 120 seconds of that tribute, because some of you here came here to learn how to light a fire of a different kind \u2013 romance.\u00a0 But you have some fires going on with the kids, and you just need to know, there's hope.\u00a0 It can be done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dad, you have been a source of courage, strength and godly character.\u00a0 I always knew I wanted to marry someone like you \u2013 a man with virtues, morals, a heart after God, character, integrity, and a deep reservoir of love to give me all the days of my life.\u00a0 Thank you for modeling what it meant to be pursued and treated like a lady.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember putting on my best outfit, fixing my hair, putting on a dab of makeup and hurrying downstairs to wait for my date.\u00a0 You would sneak out the back door and come around to the front, and you would knock.\u00a0 Mom would answer the door and then call for me saying, \"Rebecca, your date is here.\"\u00a0 I would walk over and you would put your arm out for me to take, then you would escort me to the car.\u00a0 You would open the door for me, making sure I was safe inside before shutting it.\u00a0 I felt love, honor, and respect in those moments.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe rest of the date was a whirlwind, but the moments before and afterward were the best, as I was taught to wait on you to open all the doors and allow me to walk in front of you.\u00a0 Thank you for showing me what it looked like to be pursued and treated like a lady in a healthy relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am most grateful to you for being perfect, Daddy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI cannot be more thankful to be standing here today marrying a man who is, in many ways, like you.\u00a0 He treats me with honor, respect, and love and who strives daily to better himself for me.\u00a0 What more could I ask for.\u00a0 Thank you so much for screening all of my dates and boyfriends [laughter] and for doing and saying what was in my best interests even though it might have been difficult and I might not have received it well.\u00a0 I cannot tell me how thankful I am for the way you protected me for this moment today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 [applause] I did just fine all the way up until the pronouncement, when I pronounced them husband and wife, and I made the mistake of identifying myself.\u00a0 I said, \"As a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ,\" and I looked at Rebecca, and I said, \"and your Daddy,\" and I could not get it out.\u00a0 I did it with a whisper \u2013 \"I pronounce you man and wife.\"\u00a0 Jake didn't even ask me for the kiss.\u00a0 He just took the kiss and walked down the aisle.\u00a0 It was incredible, absolutely incredible.\u00a0 They're off honeymooning, and we're getting e-mails from them as they check into Internet cafes and, I'll tell you, family is powerful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you came to visit our family in Arkansas, you would notice some things about not only where we live and how we live, but you'd notice that the housing in Arkansas is substantially cheaper than what you have out here.\u00a0 We live in the country on a couple of acres of land that we bought back in 1983 where we wanted to raise our kids.\u00a0 When we bought that we had a bulldozer come in and level off a section of that property and I asked them to build me a fire pit.\u00a0 Well, that fire pit became a witness to literally hundreds of conversations, smores, hot dog roasts with teenagers and conversations now between Barbara and me.\u00a0 That fire pit taught me a lot of lessons about building a fire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo in our remaining time that we have this evening, I want to talk to you about building a fire in the fire pit of your home.\u00a0 And you wonder if this is a biblical concept, it really is.\u00a0 There is nearly a whole book of the Bible dedicated to building a fire.\u00a0 It's found in Song of Solomon.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Song of Solomon, chapter 8, verses 6 - 7 say this \u2013 \"Put me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm, for love is as strong as death, jealousy is severe as Sheol.\u00a0 Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord.\u00a0 Many waters cannot quench it nor will rivers overflow it.\u00a0 If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, it would utterly be despised.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod created the human heart to love.\u00a0 He created us to love Him, and he created us to experience passion and romance and love in marriage.\u00a0 Do you remember when you first dated and how combustible all the ingredients were for that fire?\u00a0 I mean, all she had to do was look at you like Rebecca looked at Jake as she came down the aisle.\u00a0 He nearly fainted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere will come a time in Jake and Rebecca's life when that look won't cause him to faint and there will come a time when that fire will not ignite as easily.\u00a0 How do you move from new love through disappointed love to cherishing, committed love where there is warmth and a flame that burns and, yes, occasionally flashes, but it has passion, romance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I want to give you seven ingredients of starting a fire.\u00a0 You might want to pull out a piece of paper, because I'm going to share with you, especially a little bit later on, some differences between men and women and how we start fires that you may want to write down and talk about over a date sometime later this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the first place we want to talk about building a fire is, first of all, commitment.\u00a0 The first way you're going to build a fire in the rain is commitment.\u00a0 I know in Southern California that even the thought of discussing fire causes people to get a little nervous around here, and so I had never seen one of these before, but this is a California fire pit.\u00a0 This is how you do fires out here.\u00a0 You can't have them like we do in Arkansas.\u00a0 It's got to be contained with a spark arrester, and you put the stuff in there, and you put this on your back deck, and you folks in Southern California call that a fire pit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I guess it is a fire pit.\u00a0 I think it resembles the subject of commitment in marriage, because the reason you have these in Southern California is because it creates safety, boundaries.\u00a0 It contains the fire.\u00a0 God made marriage \u2013 He designed it, not man.\u00a0 God made marriage for us to experience that fire in our marriage relationship.\u00a0 It's spoken of in that passage I just read \u2013 \"Put me like a seal on your heart.\"\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because the seal was a promise.\u00a0 It was a security builder.\u00a0 A boundary builder.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt Rebecca and Jake's wedding, after they said their vows to each other, they then moved to the side and signed a document that contained their written vows that Barbara and I had paid a calligrapher $225 to write their vows on a piece of 100 percent pure cotton paper that we paid 50 bucks for.\u00a0 I didn't know you could spend $50 on a piece of paper.\u00a0 But they signed their names at the bottom of their vows, dated it, and then the rest of us signed it, witnessed it, and promised to hold them accountable to keep the most important pledge two human beings ever make in a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFour of our adult children who are married now have the covenants in their home.\u00a0 Rebecca and Jake will have theirs soon, but as you walk into Ashley and Michael's house, our oldest daughter and her husband, who is a doctor, their covenant is the first thing you see.\u00a0 Back in Samuel and Stephanie's house in Nashville, Tennessee, their covenant is above their marriage bed.\u00a0 I've had our married kids call us after they've been married for a few months and said they've caught their spouse going back and rereading what they promised.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to challenge you, as the believing community, as people who are followers of Christ to do two things \u2013 I want to challenge you to eliminate the \"D\" word from your vocabulary and never, ever use it again in your marriage no matter how long you're married or no matter how bad it gets.\u00a0 Eliminate the \"D\" word and replace it with the \"C\" word.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut a second thing I want to challenge you to do is when one of your friends, one of your family members, or perhaps, God forbid, you parents, after 30 or 40 years want to get a divorce, do battle.\u00a0 I've got a buddy who moved out from his spouse, who was about to trash his family of 20-some years to his wife and their two kids, and his business partner canceled a golf outing that was the dream of a lifetime and appeared on his doorstep, knocked on the door, and said \"What are you doing?\u00a0 Over my dead body.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd today Tim and Lydia have now been married several years in addition to the ones they were married before, but I just married a daughter who would never have come to be if they hadn't stuck it out.\u00a0 There's a lot at stake in marriages and families but you know what?\u00a0 It begins with yours, and you have to make a commitment to build a fire in your fire pit.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second aspect of building a fire in the rain \u2013 and you have to pardon me here, I'm going to take a sidestep for just a moment and kind of backtrack before we build the fire in there, but the second one is quench fatal attractions \u2013 quench fatal attractions.\u00a0 Sometimes fire can jump out of the fire pit and can start burning somewhere else.\u00a0 I'm not going to start any fires here tonight, relax.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know what?\u00a0 When you see the first smoke \u2013 because you know, where there's smoke there's \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Audience:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 fire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you feel the first heartthrob for someone other than your spouse, pull out the fire extinguisher.\u00a0 Barbara did this the first year of our marriage.\u00a0 I led a guy to Christ, a businessman.\u00a0 He was in our home eating breakfast over a number of weeks, and what was happening was this guy was beginning to make passes at my wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara came to me about three or four weeks in the process, and she said, \"I am totally embarrassed.\"\u00a0 We were just starting out our marriage.\u00a0 She was not secure in my love yet.\u00a0 This took tremendous courage on her part to expose this little flicker that was occurring over here, but she said, \"I think this guy is being too friendly.\"\u00a0 You know what happened when she did that?\u00a0 Whoooosh \u2013 gone.\u00a0 It exposed it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you experience an emotional connection with another person who is not our spouse, don't go there.\u00a0 Don't cultivate it, don't give it any fuel, use the fire extinguisher of accountability and share it with your spouse, expose it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere's other kinds of fire that jumps out of the pit \u2013 pornography, Internet chat rooms, there's a lot of places today where even in your home where you would think it would be safe, it's not a safe place.\u00a0 So we have to apply biblical principles and use fire extinguishers quickly to extinguish it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that's part 1 of a message from a recent time we spent together with some listeners in Southern California, where you encouraged them to make sure that the fire stays where it belongs, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right and, still, this week you're going to hear that men and women start fires differently.\u00a0 That's why when Barbara and I were writing our book, <em>Rekindling the Romance<\/em>, she wrote the first half of the book to women to talk straightforwardly, realistically, and authentically, about the real issues for women in starting fires and maintaining that fire in their marriage and helping women better understand themselves and their husbands.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI attempt to speak to the men in the last half of the book around the needs of their wives and how they can meet the relational needs, the conversation needs, the needs for intimacy that their wives have.\u00a0 And, Bob, I would recommend to every couple, regardless of whether you just started your marriage, whether you've been married 5, 10, 15, 25 or longer, get a copy of our book and begin to read it together and talk about those areas together, because it's so easy to allow life to extinguish the flame and to not enjoy the warmth that the romantic fires create.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey were never intended to be the single source of love in the marriage relationship, but marriage was not meant to be lived outside of that warmth.\u00a0 And some who are listening to us have lost hope, they need to get the book.\u00a0 Others just need a refresher course, others are great at romance, and this will give them a ton of ideas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And what's been interesting is to hear from listeners who have read the book, and they have benefited from reading their half of the book.\u00a0 They have written to say, \"It really helped me understand things I didn't understand completely,\" but they have also been very glad that their spouse read his or her half of the book because \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 had a lot of those letters \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 Barbara has a chance to say some things to wives that husbands \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 can't say \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 and would like their wives to hear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you have a chance to exhort us, as men, with some things that our wives are cheering you on about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, actually, Barbara took the pen in hand in the half of the book to the men and actually wrote some things to the men that are not my words, but they are hers.\u00a0 She was dictating, and I was typing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were making sure that we got the message, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It will help every man better understand why a romance is not an equation when it comes to his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 We've got copies of your book, of course, in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center, and we want to encourage listeners to get a copy.\u00a0 There is also a resource our team has put together that was designed to spark a little creativity in the romantic relationship between a husband and a wife.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's a resource called <em>Simply Romantic Nights<\/em>, and we\u2019ve had a lot of couple order this and found that it is a fun way to have some date nights together throughout the year that are designed to be romantic and something special.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information about the <em>Simply Romantic Nights<\/em> Kit that you\u2019ll find online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Or if it\u2019s easier call 1-800-FLTODAY for more information.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 We can answer any questions you have about <em>Simply Romantic Nights<\/em> or you can order a copy of Dennis and Barbara\u2019s book when you get in touch with us by phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we're on the subject of romance, there is another great message that we have shared with our listeners here on FamilyLife Today from Jody and Linda Dillow.\u00a0 They were speaking at a FamilyLife event not long ago and gave a message on the <em>Four Flames of Intimacy<\/em>, and it was very well received.\u00a0 We had a lot of requests for it.\u00a0 This month, during the month of February, we want to make that message on CD available when listeners make a donation of any amount to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Jody and Linda's message helps you under the subject of romance and intimacy from God's perspective.\u00a0 It helps you to see it as God's blessing and gives you very practical help on making sure it remains a priority in your marriage relationship.\u00a0 It's a message a husband and wife ought to listen to together and talk about, and we'll be happy to send it to you as our thank you gift when you make a donation of any amount this month to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 We are listener-supported, and so those donations are vital for keeping this ministry on the air in this city and in cities all across the country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you fill out a donation form online, which is one way of donating, there is a key code box there, and you type the word \u201cFOUR\u201d into that key code box, and we'll know that you'd like to have the CD sent to you as a thank you gift for your donation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr if you'd prefer to donate by phone, it's 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Call that number, you can make your donation over the phone and just mention that you'd like a copy of the CD on intimacy, and we'll be sure to send that out to you as well.\u00a0 And, again, thanks for standing with us and helping to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear part 2 of Dennis's message on keeping your flame burning in the rain.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to find out some of the differences between men and women when it comes to fire building and fire tending.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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