{"id":301956,"date":"2010-01-07T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-01-07T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/becoming-a-difference-maker\/"},"modified":"2010-01-07T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2010-01-07T17:00:00","slug":"becoming-a-difference-maker","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/becoming-a-difference-maker\/","title":{"rendered":"Becoming a Difference Maker"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Inside every good man is a hero.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2010-01-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.4M","filesize_raw":"11951811","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901],"tags":[4277,4187,4276,4698],"podcast_series":[7700],"cwp_profile":[9183],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301956","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","tag-fathers","tag-husbands","tag-legacy","tag-manhood","podcast_series-hero-unleashing-gods-power-in-a-mans-heart","cwp_profile-derwin-gray","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301956\/becoming-a-difference-maker","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301956\/becoming-a-difference-maker","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"XMeRrFBdLS\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/becoming-a-difference-maker\/\">Becoming a Difference Maker<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/becoming-a-difference-maker\/embed\/#?secret=XMeRrFBdLS\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Becoming a Difference Maker&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"XMeRrFBdLS\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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Gray\u2019s main ambition in life used to be playing in the National Football League.\u00a0 Today he has a whole different ambition and it all revolves around his relationship with his wife Vicki. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin:<\/strong>\u00a0 Christ says in Ephesians 5:25 husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church so what I want to do is I want to get a PhD in Vickiology.\u00a0 I want to know my wife so well that Ephesians 5:27 takes place and she is beautified.\u00a0 I want her to blossom like the most beautiful rose there is.\u00a0 I want her fragrance to be glorious.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 7<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to hear today from a former NFL football star who had his priorities adjusted for him early in his NFL career.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 At the beginning of each of our programs this month we are challenging listeners to spend some time together as a family or as a couple in God\u2019s word and our hope is that in 2010 family\u2019s will be a little more intentional in that process.\u00a0 We thought that maybe we could jump start things by giving listeners a particular verse to chew on today.\u00a0 We are using the verses that are found at the beginning of the daily devotional <em>Moments With You<\/em> written by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 What is the January 7<sup>th<\/sup> verse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is Proverbs 16:23.\u00a0 You have to think about this one a little bit.\u00a0 Listen carefully.\u00a0 The heart of the wise instructs his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips.\u00a0 What it is saying is that a wise person thinks about what they are going to say before they say it.\u00a0 Their heart instructs their mouth.\u00a0 It tells the mouth, mouth don\u2019t say that.\u00a0 You\u2019re going hurt your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Say this instead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to be picky.\u00a0 Think about being persuasive with your lips and saying sweet things that feel like honey.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Then maybe tonight at the dinner table talk about what are the times during the day or week or month when these kind of words flow from your mouth.\u00a0 When your heart isn\u2019t doing a very good job of instructing your lips.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 What is the reference for that again?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Proverbs 16:23.\u00a0 The heart of the wise instructs his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and again, whether it is this verse or a verse of your choosing we are hoping you and your family will be intentional and purposeful to be in God\u2019s word throughout the year.\u00a0 We will keep reminding you of that all through the month of January.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, quickly let me also remind folks about the special offer we are making to FamilyLife Today listeners this week and next week for the upcoming Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference season.\u00a0 We have conferences starting Valentine\u2019s weekend and continuing throughout the spring and into the early summer.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you register for any upcoming conferences this week or next week and identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener when you register for yourself your spouse comes free.\u00a0 It is a \u2018Buy One \u2013 Get One Free\u2019 registration offer and all you have to do is let us know that you listen to us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 If you are registering online, you identify yourself as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener by typing my name, \u201cBOB,\u201d in the key code box on the registration form.\u00a0\u00a0 All the details you need about locations and dates; all of that can be found online as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr, call 1- 800- FLTODAY; register over the phone and just say, \u201cI listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, or say Bob sent me,\u201d or something like that.\u00a0 And again, when you register for yourself, your spouse comes absolutely free.\u00a0 It is basically a half price registration for any upcoming FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way on Valentine\u2019s weekend Dennis and his wife, Barbara, are going to be at the Washington national hotel in Washington, D.C. and that same weekend I\u2019m going to be at the Hershey lodge in Hershey, Pennsylvania.\u00a0 So if you want to come to one of those two conferences we\u2019d love to say hi and meet you.\u00a0 Again, there will be conferences in cities all across the country throughout this spring and the buy one get one free opportunity is good for this week and next week only so get in touch with us and get registered for one of these upcoming conferences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know when I first saw the book <em>Hero<\/em> that Derwin Gray has written that we are talking about this week I thought Dennis is going to like this book because it is a call to men to be men.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you open the cover of the book it\u2019s just from the heart of a man to a man.\u00a0 It\u2019s a call for men to step up.\u00a0 Derwin welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never had my book described as sweaty but I like that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know you were in the NFL for half a dozen years.\u00a0 You are now a pastor and you are preaching at The Gathering which is a multi ethnic intergenerational church in Charlotte, N.C.\u00a0 You and your wife, Vicki, have two children and you give leadership to another ministry called One Heart at a Time Ministries.\u00a0 You are ministering to men all over the place and you want to make a difference in guys and call them to be the men that God made them to be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 It is a fervent passion of mine to see men be all that they can be.\u00a0 My heart\u2019s desire is particularly for men who are married that their children adore them and think that their dad is awesome because of the way they love their wives, serve their church, and the way they are impacting and leaving a lasting tattoo in this world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We watch guys play whether it is basketball, football or baseball and in the sporting arena you see a guy out performing athletically and you think that is a man.\u00a0 And yet you recognized as you were playing in the NFL that although you were aggressive and taking action on the football field in your marriage and family that wasn\u2019t the same kind of guy you were was it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I was very passive and I think one of the things that we see in our culture\u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait a second.\u00a0 Passive?\u00a0 A linebacker passive?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 Very.\u00a0 On the football field I was secure and off the football field I was insecure.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 You knew the plays on the ball field but when you were placed at the head of the dinner table with your wife, Vicki, and she and the children were looking around the table at you you didn\u2019t know what to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 You want to hear something sad.\u00a0 When my wife and I got married we never ate dinner together as a family.\u00a0 My natural instinct was to get a tray and put it in front of the TV.\u00a0 There was no sitting at the head of the table because I didn\u2019t even know what that was.\u00a0 I was passive.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know what it meant to be a man.\u00a0 The picture that I had of being a man was not a biblical man.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it is time for us to reclaim our birth right to be sacrificial servant leaders but that doesn\u2019t happen within ourselves.\u00a0\u00a0 It happens by looking to the great Leader himself and allowing his fierce love to transform us.\u00a0 To be aggressive doesn\u2019t mean that we are an ogre and say \u201cwoman, come here and come into my cave.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 But this is all first generation stuff for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 First generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Because you never saw this and this was not modeled for you growing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 You weren\u2019t reading books that were telling you how to be a man, husband and dad.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 I didn\u2019t like to read.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So when and how did the lights come on for you to say being a hero at home is the guy I want to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 August 2, 1997 is when my wife and I came to faith.\u00a0 She was six months before me and as we began to progress and journey there was a man named Allen Bacon who was my mentor.\u00a0 I saw the way he loved his wife and the way he loved his kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen in 2002 some enthusiastic friends told us about this conference called a Weekend to Remember.\u00a0 What did you remember and they said you just need to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo they even bought our tickets to go and we went.\u00a0 From the moment that the speakers began to speak we were captivated and my wife and I were in awe.\u00a0 This is what we can have.\u00a0 So at that moment we both became ferocious readers.\u00a0 We read the book <em>Rocking the Roles<\/em>.\u00a0 I read your book Bob, <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 We continued to read and then we went to the conference the next year.\u00a0 This is first generation so I don\u2019t like the excuse of well\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It gave you the playbook didn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin:<\/strong>\u00a0 The playbook and any good football player knows this.\u00a0 In order to be successful on the field you have got to know the playbook.\u00a0 What the Weekend to Remember did was it gave us a playbook and we recognized the more we studied the playbook the better we could execute the plays in the game of life which was our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 When you went to the Weekend to Remember if you had been describing your marriage to other people at that time what kind of a letter grade would you have given it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 I would have given us probably a C minus.\u00a0 I was passive and didn\u2019t get into arguments.\u00a0 I\u2019d go okay, honey, whatever.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 You just retreated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 Oh, man I would retreat and stonewall and all of the classic things.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Would that make her mad? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, it would make her mad and she\u2019d yell more and then the more she yelled the more I would retreat.\u00a0 What the gospel has done for me is it makes me secure in the deep love of Christ so therefore when I interact with my wife I can filter what she says through the grace of God which allows me to stay secure and be able to engage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat the Weekend to Remember did is it gave us tools in how to honor each other.\u00a0 She needed to learn to respect me.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean to be a doormat but it means to respect me.\u00a0 I needed to learn how to love and cherish her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Let me take you back to that C minus though.\u00a0 A lot of people who are giving their marriage a C minus are starting to look for an exit strategy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, the one thing for us is the \u201cD\u201d word was never ever spoken even before we were Christians.\u00a0 I never heard my wife say this until we were speaking at a marriage conference together about two years ago.\u00a0 She was sharing with the ladies and at age five she saw her biological father leave.\u00a0 She said I always felt like I was never worth staying for.\u00a0 That absolutely crushed me.\u00a0 So the gospel of Jesus Christ told her you are worth so much I am going to die for you.\u00a0 That\u2019s how valuable you are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur passion is that marriages can be restored.\u00a0 My wife gives so much wisdom.\u00a0 One of the greatest things I heard her say is, \u201cadultery may be grounds for divorce but it\u2019s certainly grounds for forgiveness.\u201d\u00a0 That is what we need.\u00a0 Forgiveness.\u00a0 We harbor so much bitterness and anger at each other and we close Jesus out and he\u2019s saying let me into all those areas in your life and let my love influence how you interact with each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I want to say thank you for not continuing to be a passive male but for getting out of that easy chair and going with your wife to a Weekend to Remember and for agreeing with her to go with the playbook because you didn\u2019t have to do that either.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to say a word to the audience, Bob.\u00a0 There are a number of listeners who have listened to us for a long time and they have heard us talk about the Weekend to Remember and they think it\u2019s not for them.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 It\u2019s for everybody.\u00a0\u00a0 It is not just a biblically based blueprint and game plan for marriage and family.\u00a0 But it will bring life to you, your spouse, and your children.\u00a0 It will create a new legacy for your life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 If we were to call Vicki right now and say what is different about Derwin today versus the first five years of your marriage.\u00a0 If she was going to point to one or two things what would she say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 Wow, the first thing to flash to my mind is one of the things that my wife does is she writes notes.\u00a0 I came home from a trip and I walked into the bathroom and on the mirror there was a note saying you are my hero.\u00a0 She would say he loves me and he loves Presley and Jeremiah.\u00a0 That\u2019s only because God first loved him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 How is she different today? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good one. (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Than she was in the first five years of your marriage?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 I would say the first thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wish our listeners could see the grin that just exploded off of Derwin\u2019s face.\u00a0 It looked like he just got Dan Marino from behind.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 I would say the first thing is this.\u00a0 She honors and respects me.\u00a0 She is my biggest cheerleader there is.\u00a0 Early on in our marriage she didn\u2019t know what respect was and she is very accomplished.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So now she knows what it means to respect and honor me.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t mean to be a yes person but it means to disagree in a way that is honoring and respecting.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing is the sacrifices I\u2019ve seen her go through.\u00a0 During our pregnancies and I say \u201cour\u201d because it\u2019s a team sport she goes through a condition known as Hyperemesis Gravidarum which is a Latin word for throwing up all day every day.\u00a0 Seriously for nine months she would throw up all day every day.\u00a0 There had to be home nurses with IVs and even during delivery she\u2019d have to stop to throw up.\u00a0 So I\u2019ve seen her sacrifice to bring our kids into the world and in between the two kids we actually lost one who one day we will see again in new heavens and new earth.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMay 17, 2004 she was diagnosed with papillary carcinoma which is thyroid cancer so to watch her walk through cancer and to watch her embody the gospel message and then the last thing is she is a very gifted teacher and evangelist.\u00a0 I marvel at the way that people come to Christ through her.\u00a0 Kind of the joke in the neighborhood is don\u2019t move next to the Grays or you\u2019ll get saved.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s primarily through her influence.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that because you tackled her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Our listeners don\u2019t know what you mean, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are well known for the video you were in called the Evangelism Linebacker.\u00a0 You go around and if people aren\u2019t sharing their faith you tackle them and take them out, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 She threw the javelin so\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 So you leave her alone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 She is a woman who is near the heart of God and his greatness radiates off of her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Why is it so important to you that she respects you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 As a man our fundamental need is to be respected.\u00a0 You can even see it in kids when little boys interact.\u00a0 When she writes me a note that says you are a great provider or I love you because you did this or this.\u00a0 Those type of things build me up.\u00a0 That\u2019s the heart cry of every man.\u00a0 We are designed for respect.\u00a0 Ephesians 5: 33 says wives see to it that you respect your husband.\u00a0 It\u2019s built into us to need this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Ephesians 5:25 it says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church so there is the dynamic of love and respect.\u00a0 What I want to do is I want to get a PhD in Vickiology.\u00a0 I want to know my wife so well and her love languages that my primary ministry is to love her so well that Ephesians 5:27 takes place and she is beautified.\u00a0 I want her to blossom like the most beautiful rose there is.\u00a0 I want her fragrance to be glorious.\u00a0 I play a role in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 You sure do and if you do it right she begins to radiate the love of Christ back to you and your children.\u00a0 That would be the other question I\u2019d ask.\u00a0 How did your relationship with your children change after those first five years of marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin<\/strong>:\u00a0 I would say one of the classic examples and I use this in the book is I\u2019ll never forget holding Jeremiah when he was three weeks old in 2000.\u00a0 At that time he was really small and I could hold him with one hand.\u00a0 I was looking at him in his eyes and my soul was just arrested that God you have to help me be like you because this little guy is one day going to be like me.\u00a0 I craft time to invest with my kids.\u00a0 I fish with my son.\u00a0 I coach his football team.\u00a0 I date my daughter.\u00a0 I build into them.\u00a0 There are a lot more speaking engagements I could have but I don\u2019t want my life when it\u2019s over to go wow, Derwin spoke at a lot of venues.\u00a0 I want my tombstone to say he was a hero to his wife and his kids.\u00a0 That is spelled out in how I live my life.\u00a0 I want to spend quality time with them to know them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing my daughter and I have is we travel together.\u00a0 We do camps and she\u2019ll go with me to preach.\u00a0 This past July we were at the international Christian booksellers convention where I was signing my new book and watching her interacting with adults.\u00a0 Everybody was amazed that she was 13.\u00a0 I was so proud of her and the way she displayed Christlike virtue and character.\u00a0 Building into her and investing in her and building and investing in my son I am preparing my son to be a hero.\u00a0 I\u2019m preparing him to be a warrior.\u00a0 His weapons are faith, hope and love.\u00a0 I\u2019m preparing him to be a husband and a father to break this generational curse so that he can leave a legacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe Jesus has left Christians here to change the world.\u00a0 I really, really believe that.\u00a0 I want my kids to change the world and that happens as I\u2019m intimate with Christ and with them to equip them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 You have been a gift giver to our audience in sharing your story today and the life change of what has occurred between you and Vicki as husband and wife and both of you as parents.\u00a0 I want to give you two gifts.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst, I want to give you <em>Passport to Purity<\/em>.\u00a0 This is a weekend getaway for your daughter and Vicki to prepare her for the issues that she has already begun to face as a 13 year old.\u00a0 You can also take your son through it when he gets 11, 12 or 13.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second gift I want to give you a book I wrote called <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Derwin:<\/strong>\u00a0 I like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve seen a picture of your daughter and you are headed for some serious confrontations with young men.\u00a0 You said you interview young men with a Bible and a machete.\u00a0 Well, this is a little cut above that.\u00a0\u00a0 I only had a ball bat.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really a lot of fun.\u00a0 It\u2019ll outline some ways that you can interview these young men who do begin to circle a young lady who is attractive.\u00a0 I promise you if she is like Christ she is going to be attractive to these young men.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 And for a dad to step up like you\u2019re stepping up is one way that as men we are heroic.\u00a0 This is what heroes do and that is what you are trying to address in the book that you\u2019ve written call <em>Hero: Unleashing God\u2019s Power in a Man\u2019s Heart<\/em> and we have that book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 Along with <em>Interviewing Your Daughter\u2019s Date<\/em> and the other books we\u2019ve talked about today.\u00a0 <em>Rocking the Roles<\/em> by Robert Lewis and the book <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can get more information about any of these books when you go to our website <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\/\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a>.\u00a0 There is more information there about how you can get a copy of the book or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY; that\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 We will make arrangements to have a copy of the book sent out to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd let me suggest that maybe another way you can be a hero at your house is by contacting us and finding out about the upcoming season of FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences.\u00a0 We are going to be hosting conferences in dozens of cities all across the country this spring starting Valentine\u2019s weekend and continuing all the way into June.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week and next week <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners can register for one of those upcoming conferences and you buy one registration and you get a second one free.\u00a0 So you register for yourself and your spouse comes along absolutely free.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do is either go online at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\/\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a>; we have got all the information you need about the conference available there, where it is coming to a city near where you live, and you can register online and if you do, just type in my name.\u00a0 Just type \u2018BOB\u2019 in the key code box in the online registration form and you will qualify for the special offer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329, we can answer any questions you may have about the conference, we can tell you when it is coming, where it is going to be, and we can get you all signed up over the phone.\u00a0 Just make sure you mention that you listened to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> or tell them Bob sent you, and again you will qualify for the special \u2013 \u2018Buy one, Get one free\u2019 opportunity.\u00a0 It is good this week and next week only, so let us hear from you and we hope to see you at one of our upcoming FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis and his wife, Barbara, are going to be speaking at the Weekend to Remember at the Gaylord National Hotel in Washington, D.C. Valentine\u2019s weekend and while they are in the nation\u2019s capital I\u2019m going to be in the chocolate capital, Hershey, Pennsylvania.\u00a0 We have other conferences going on that same weekend so no matter where you live find out when the conference is coming near you and plan to attend a Weekend to Remember this spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne final note for those of you who happen to be helping to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> as a Legacy partner.\u00a0 These are folks who make a monthly donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 If you sign up as a new Legacy partner and go ahead and have those donations made via credit card each month, we will send you a certificate for a fee registration for a Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you have got the opportunity to \u2018Buy one \u2013 Get one free\u2019 offer this week or next week, or you can sign up as a Legacy partner and we will send you a certificate for both of you to attend a conference as our guests.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can find out more about becoming a Legacy partner online at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.familylifetoday.com\/\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a> or again call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 Let me just say \u2018Thanks in advance for your monthly support of the ministry.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 We appreciate your financial partnership with us here at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we are going to be back to talk more with our guest Derwin Gray about what it takes for a man to be hero in God\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today!\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301956","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301956"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301956"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301956"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301956"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301956"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301956"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301956"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}