{"id":301939,"date":"2009-12-16T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-12-16T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/wise-wants\/"},"modified":"2009-12-16T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-12-16T17:00:00","slug":"wise-wants","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/wise-wants\/","title":{"rendered":"Wise Wants"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do you do when you don\u2019t know what to do?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-12-16.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"13.68M","filesize_raw":"14344801","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822],"tags":[4283],"podcast_series":[7697],"cwp_profile":[9181],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301939","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","tag-wisdom","podcast_series-get-outta-my-face","cwp_profile-rick-horne","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301939\/wise-wants","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301939\/wise-wants","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"fdXJXGhnIh\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/wise-wants\/\">Wise Wants<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/wise-wants\/embed\/#?secret=fdXJXGhnIh\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Wise Wants&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"fdXJXGhnIh\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What do you do when you don\u2019t know what to do?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-12-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is a line in parenting between molding and shaping our children as they grow, and trying to control our children as they grow.\u00a0 Here is Rick Horne.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 When a teen gets the sense that the parent or a teacher, or an administrator or a youth pastor has his agenda, we are written off.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Song...<\/strong>\u00a0 <em>All I really wanted was.... a chance for me to get on with my life<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<em>.... But you keep on getting in my way! <\/em>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 If we come with an approach that gives the impression that we have a different set of wants for you; you have some wants, but they are wrong.\u00a0 We have some wants and I am your parent and you need to want this and you need to do this.\u00a0 This relationship with your mom and these words that you are going to speak or not speak they are not going to be open to what we have to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Song<\/strong>...\u00a0 <em>Cuz\u2019 you don\u2019t know me.... you don\u2019t know me... what makes you think I am on your side.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Don\u2019t tell me... that you need me, get off my back \u2013 time to get a life.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for the Wednesday, December 16<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We are going to talk today with Rick Horn about what parents of teens can do to influence a child without exasperating them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Song...<\/strong> So, why can\u2019t you just leave me alone!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\u00a0 Thanks for joining us!\u00a0 You know there is this debate I hear from parents from time to time; some parents will say, \u201cBoy the teenage years, you hang on by your fingernails just to get your kids through it.\u00a0 Then there are these other parents that I run into that say, \u201cWell we didn\u2019t have any problem with our teenage years, I think it is just how you parent your kids whether you are going to have problems in your teenage years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I have met some of those folks!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t care for them, but I have met a few! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you are thinking you are thinking that it is normal for parents to experience some push back from their teens during the teen years?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well I will tell you a little story, I was in the airport onetime with Dr. Bill Bright, who was then the President, and of course the Founder of Campus Crusade for Christ and I had picked him up at the airport and we were walking along and evidently, I don\u2019t remember what I had said, but I must have said something that our teenage sons were a little angry.\u00a0 I will never forget this, he just kind of grunted and he said, \u201cHmmmm, all teenage boys are angry!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Maybe at home, this had happened to him?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So when I ran across this book, <em>Get Outta My Face<\/em> that Bob placed on my desk I thought, \u201cI have got to meet Rick Horne!\u201d and so he is here sitting across the table from me.\u00a0 Rick welcome <em>to FamilyLife Today<\/em>! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 A Pleasure to be here!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is all about teenagers, their anger, and how we as parents can be more effective in dealing with them.\u00a0 Let me tell you, Rick has got some experience.\u00a0 Not only does he have 4 graduate degrees from various institutions, but here is the kicker, he has 30 years experience as a Christian School Guidance Counselor, plus, six children of his own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is the crucible! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 I have got a feeling that he has seen this look, <em>Get Outta My Face<\/em>.\u00a0 Tell us what that look, actually looks like.\u00a0 What does a kid whose really angry look like from your experience?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 There can be a lots of different appearances; rolling eyes, a smirk, it can be just a flat face with no communication at all just a, \u201cI can\u2019t wait for you to finish this sentence and are you done yet, can I leave? I have had enough; I don\u2019t need to hear anything else.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 Take us to your house, you have six kids, just give us a scene....well, one of the highlights of raising your six kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, I can remember with my oldest, I can remember driving home from a hockey game one time, field hockey; she had asked permission when she was 15 years old to go out with a fellow to a Jr.\/ Sr. banquet that she was invited to, and she had asked me days before, \u201cCan I do this?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cCan I do it?\u201d\u00a0 She had asked her mom because our rule was nothing could occur until 16\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tat all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So she is like 9<sup>th<\/sup> grade at this point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 She was at 9<sup>th<\/sup>, yes!\u00a0 She would have been 9<sup>th<\/sup> grade.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 And this was the junior - senior banquet?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cAnd how many 9<sup>th<\/sup> or 10<sup>th<\/sup> grade students get to be invited to that kind of thing, Dad?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I mean this is really something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So he is an older guy<strong>? <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He is!\u00a0 He is a junior! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 <strong>\u00a0<\/strong>That brings on all kinds of issues, in and of itself, right there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh!\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 It does!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 All of us as dads know how a junior or senior in High School thinks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 I had thought about it and she had talked to her mom and her mom said, \u201cWell, you know you have to ask dad about this.\u201d So she did and I said, \u201cGive me a few days to think about it.\u201d\u00a0 So we are driving along and I said, \u201cJen, I have thought about it and I think we are going to stick with the standard that we have established.\u00a0 I know this is disappointing.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell at that moment; we have always had good communication, I pray with her each evening, and we always had a pretty good relationship, I mean the ice, the coldness, and the temperature in the car really went down very quickly.\u00a0 And it was true also that evening when I tried to pray with her.\u00a0 I was praying by myself, for sure.\u00a0 So there was definite temperature, a thawing that needed to take place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, you are a High School guidance counselor....\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do have all the answers....\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 You have got graduate degrees in this kind of stuff.\u00a0 As a parent, when that kind of stuff has happened with me, when your kids develop this kind of an angry heart, because you are parenting and they don\u2019t like the restrictions or the boundaries.\u00a0 You can feel a fear as a mom or a dad that you are somehow, by your decision, pressing your child toward rebellion, that you are fostering in them a heart that is going to turn away from you and you are going to lose them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 Or you are going to lose the relationship from them.\u00a0 The chill is going to be a permanent Antarctica. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 That you will never get them back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that a real danger for us as parents that it could happen because we put boxes and restrictions on our kids? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, I think all of this has to be taken in the larger context of the relationship.\u00a0 What you have been doing with your son and daughter through the years.\u00a0 There is hope, even if we have botched things up, majorly; there is still hope because the word of God still gives great principles for healing and for helping.\u00a0 The material I have tried to write about as well as our own experiences, these are for sinners to practice not for perfect parents to practice.\u00a0 So, I am grateful for that because I qualify.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur confidence has to be in not that we have applied the right technique, not that we have said it exactly the way it needs to be said, or that we have not been offensive.\u00a0\u00a0 Our confidence has to be in the fact that Lord you have given this responsibility to parent and to seek by the grace of God to be faithful to You.\u00a0 I am going to seek to be respectful and loving and faithful to my son and daughter and I am going to trust You.\u00a0 We cannot control our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 And I am going to hold to my convictions when our children get angry and push back on us and not wilt under the emotional pressure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 But, we read in Ephesians 6 where it says, \u201cDo not exasperate!\u00a0 Fathers do not provoke your sons or your daughters to anger.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t mean don\u2019t cross their will, but it does mean there is a pattern of inattentiveness, a pattern of disrespect, or a pattern of unwillingness to listen to force my will, impose my will (in a sense) or let the kids think that every time I am talking to them it is my will that matters not theirs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 As I was reading your book, and listening to the stories, I was honestly a little envious of you.\u00a0 What a privilege it would be to be a High School Guidance Counselor for three decades and to have student after student come into your office and spill the beans and in many cases, probably share things of what their parents are doing wrong; maybe share some things the parents are doing right, and really glean a number of lessons from other people\u2019s mistakes.\u00a0 Did that happen a lot of times as you counseled these young people? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, not only the young people, but even their parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 You are absolutely right about the feedback and the sensitivities, but I would make one correction to your perception to what I do, as a school counselor.\u00a0 Teens don\u2019t usually go to adults for the solutions.\u00a0 Who do they usually go to? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 Sure their peers! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 They go to their peers!\u00a0 They are not knocking down the door.\u00a0\u00a0 So, what this effort in using the scriptures in working with teens does is it empowers parents, youth counselors, and youth pastors to go to the angry kid because they need help, but they are not going to come saying, \u201cOh, Lord, help me!\u00a0 Counselor, please help me!\u00a0 I know I am out of line here, I know I have a bad attitude.\u00a0 Please, I don\u2019t want this bad attitude.\u00a0 Help me to correct it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yea! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There is a certain amount of wanting to revel in their anger and kind of enjoy the rebellion a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Could be!\u00a0 Sure! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Often times when a parent tries to engage an angry teen all they get is what we already described; a blank face.\u00a0 I am not going to engage.\u00a0 I am not going to talk to you.\u00a0 You go on and say am I doing something wrong, and the teenager just isn\u2019t going to talk to you, they aren\u2019t going to say anything or they just are silent with you.\u00a0 What do you do in that situation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Part of the reason for that is because most of the time angry teens, when they shut down; the reason they shut down is because they believe that it is your want not their want that you are there to talk about.\u00a0 They have a very myopic, self-centered orientation as an angry teen.\u00a0 Most teens do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 Right!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is just where they are!\u00a0 I am not justifying that, I simply describing it!\u00a0 It is a self-centered sinful response.\u00a0 They are wrapped up in themselves and their universe and their way of seeing things.\u00a0 When you or I come as a parent come with an approach that gives the impression that we have a different set of values that you (the teen) must adopt, a different set of wants for you.\u00a0 You have some wants, but they are wrong.\u00a0 We have some wants and I am your parent and you need to want this, you need to do this, you need to choose this behavior, that pattern of homework study, or this relationship with your mom, or these words you are going to speak or not speak.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a teen gets the sense that I, as a parent, or a teacher or an administrator or a youth pastor has his agenda we are written off.\u00a0 They are not going to be open to what we have to say.\u00a0 So the task that we have is to understand what they want and then work with their wants.\u00a0 It is kind of like karate.\u00a0 In karate, you use the weight or judo or one of the martial arts, you use the weight and the movements of the opponent to your advantage.\u00a0 One of the things the scriptures seem to do in the whole book of Proverbs even Jesus modeled it in some instances, is to use the wants of the people that He is talking to as a way of getting to the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I really agree with you on this.\u00a0 I am thinking back to a conversation I had with one of my teenage sons; I really can\u2019t remember, so I am not trying to protect his guilt at this point, but I can still show you the spot in the road where we were jogging along and we had this... what felt like this weekly battle around taking the garbage up to the top of the hill.\u00a0 Now, we\u00a0 live at the bottom of a hill, it is not a big hill, it is not one that would cause somebody to file child labor laws against us to ask them to push the garbage can; which has wheels on it, by the way, up to the top of the hill.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we are jogging along and I say, \u201cSon, what would motivate you to take the garbage can up to the top of the hill when it is suppose to go up there on Sunday night?\u201d\u00a0 (His answer) \u201cNothing!\u00a0 Nothing!\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWould $0.50 motivate you?\u201d\u00a0 (His answer) \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWould $5.00 motivate you?\u201d\u00a0 (His answer) \u201cNo!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat if I told you that every time you took the garbage can up to the top of the hill I\u2019d pay you $500, would that motivate you?\u201d\u00a0 (His answer) \u201cWell, I might start thinking about that, dad.\u201d\u00a0 And I said, \u201cReally the issue is your motivation; what it would take to motivate you to get that garbage can where it belongs.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow there are such things in life as duties.\u00a0 We called them chores.\u00a0 How do you help a teenager understand that they have some responsibilities around the house?\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I would ever be able to have convinced our teenage son that this is his want.\u00a0 I did talk about freedom in the future as he became responsible to deal with matters like this that he would be given more freedom.\u00a0 Which he does want!\u00a0 So, am I getting near the crux of the matter at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you are.\u00a0 Why don\u2019t we role play?\u00a0 You be your son.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I could do that easily.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know where they got this! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what is his name?\u00a0 What do I call you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, in this case...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 I will call you Dennis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 That would be the name.\u00a0 Here\u2019s Dennis!\u00a0 We will use Dennis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Alright! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>*Role play between Dennis and Rick: <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 Tell me Dennis, what is it that you want about life?\u00a0\u00a0 What do you want?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to be free!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to out from under all the rules of this house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 Because, to not be free... what kind of experience is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, you are imprisoned!\u00a0\u00a0 That is how I feel a lot of times when I come home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, you are restricted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Oh, it is terrible! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 You can\u2019t make your own choices...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yea!\u00a0 You and mom are just always on my case about all these things I have got to do.\u00a0 Constantly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that is not pleasant.\u00a0 That is not fun!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Chores, there\u2019s homework, all these things just keep piling up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right!\u00a0 All these responsibilities!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 I want freedom! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is pain!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 It is!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 So let me ask you this?\u00a0 Is the way you are responding right now, getting you the freedom that you want?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, I am hoping it will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, is it now?\u00a0 I mean, has it worked in the past? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t seem to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, what has your behavior gotten you?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well a lot of lectures from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, that is not fun!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I don\u2019t like those!\u00a0 I am tired of the lectures!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 So, if you don\u2019t want the lectures, and you don\u2019t want the restrictions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 I am tired of the stories, the sermons... I don\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 Has there ever been a time where you have not had restriction and stories and lectures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Well, maybe when I was little.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 okay!\u00a0 Can you think of a time, maybe in the past year, was anything that you wanted that you were able to actually get?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 It is kind of hard; I usually don\u2019t think in terms like that ... I am a teenager.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 I understand, but teenagers live by their wants.\u00a0 Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>:\u00a0 Let me ask you son... (I am just jumping in here to help you out). \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 Now this is really going to be good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How about like when you wanted to have some wheels to drive out on Friday night?\u00a0\u00a0 Did you get that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh yes!\u00a0 I sure did!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 What is it that you must have communicated to your mom and me that gave us the sense that you could be trusted with the wheels? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 You know these are hard questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 I know they are, but you are intelligent young man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 It is hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s intelligent enough that he sees where it is going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 That is exactly right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And he doesn\u2019t like what he sees. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am going to get passive on you now! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What you are doing and what you are modeling here and I think this is really helpful, you are saying you can help a young person connect responsibility and privilege.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 Exactly! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Being responsible and gaining freedom.\u00a0 What the kids want is they want the freedom, but they don\u2019t want to mess with the responsibilities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 The important thing is the freedom he wants, not the freedom I want him to have.\u00a0 He needs to articulate what it is that he wants, so we need to be willing as parents to be listening and appealing to our angry teen, \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d\u00a0 Now that freedom thing is a big, big chorus that they sing.\u00a0 And that is great!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is a presumption all the way through the book of Proverbs.\u00a0 Underlying so many of the Proverbs is some positive of quality of what I call in the book, \u201cwise wants.\u201d\u00a0 Kids often operate just with \u2018surface wants.\u2019\u00a0 I want to stay in bed.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to take the trash to the top of the hill, I don\u2019t want to be bothered with that, but what they want they want underneath that is they want freedom, they want to be considered adults...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They want to be trusted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 They want to be trusted.\u00a0 What we need to do is move our kids from thinking about the \u2018surface wants\u2019 to then asking the question about the \u201cwise wants\u201d that are under there and assume they are there by God\u2019s common grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, when they say, \u201c I want to hang out with the people I want to hang out with and I want to be able to do....\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What I want to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What I want to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>All:<\/strong>\u00a0 When I want to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Which may include I want to be able to drink or I may want to be able to use drugs or I may want to be able to be with my girlfriend and be sexually active with her.\u00a0 I mean we may be talking about their wants being sinful, destructive behaviors.\u00a0 What do we do then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick<\/strong>:\u00a0 Underneath even the most perverse wants there are \u2018wise wants.\u2019\u00a0 So, I want to sleep with my girlfriend; what you really want is a relationship that lasts.\u00a0 You want something that is meaningful.\u00a0 What you really want is pleasure that you aren\u2019t regretting, that is not going to be something you have to hide.\u00a0 Is that what I am hearing you say?\u00a0\u00a0 You really want that kind of relationship?\u00a0 Is what you are doing or the way kids go about getting this right now really providing that for them?\u00a0 Would it give you the real things that you want?\u00a0 The \u2018wise wants\u201d that God has put inside of you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the place to actually be commending your son or daughter.\u00a0 I appreciate that freedom that you want.\u00a0 I respect it!\u00a0\u00a0 I wanted it to when I was your age.\u00a0 I want that kind of intimate relationships and close relationships; you want them too.\u00a0 And that is good and you know why?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s because God has wired it into you.\u00a0 See for the first time, maybe, depending upon how the relationship\u00a0 has been, instead of there being a confrontation now between you and your son or daughter, you are going to be pushing your son or daughter into a much stronger confrontation with themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis<\/strong>:\u00a0 And to the parent, who is wondering how to practically go about creating some \u201cwise wants\u201d with their children, I would just give them this coaching advice; go to the book of Proverbs.\u00a0 Take a chapter a week with your teenager and just read the chapter and then talk about it a little bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 As you move through the book, just put a \u2018WW\u2019 right beside the \u2018wise wants,\u2019 because these underlie virtually all the Proverbs.\u00a0 Now, some of them are not immediately applicable.\u00a0 I mean \u201ca soft answer turns away wrath\u201d is pretty immediately applicable.\u00a0 And you can put a little \u2018WW\u2019 there, a \u201cWise Want.\u201d\u00a0 Why does that Proverb make any sense to a kid?\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s because he doesn\u2019t want wrath.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rick:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is what Solomon is assuming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, realize that the method of teaching you are going to have to employ here is that in the New Testament Time was called the Rabbinical Method of Teaching which is one word repetition.\u00a0 Over and over and over again, and this was what wore us out as parents; that you had to teach and instruct and teach and instruct some of the same things over and over and over again.\u00a0\u00a0 It is no wonder you have heard the same lecture, because we are still talking about the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, once you load the software you figure the program should just run perfectly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You really do!\u00a0 And you don\u2019t think about the need for growing maturity in the teenagers\u2019 life.\u00a0 All this, by the way, presupposes a very important point here; and that is that the parents have convictions of their own from the scriptures that they are guiding children to be equipped with for life.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think as a mom and dad, you can get together and maybe go through a book like this together.\u00a0 This is a kind of a book that as parents you don\u2019t just want one of you to read.\u00a0 This something that maybe you read a chapter out loud to each other right before you go to bed at night.\u00a0 You finish it and you pass it on to your spouse and he or she finishes it and then you spend some time talking about what you are reading together.\u00a0 It is a helpful book for parents to get on the same page, especially ahead of what can be challenging or trying teen years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center, it is called, <em>Get Outta My Face<\/em> by Rick Horne and you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on how to get a copy of the book.\u00a0 Again, it is called, <em>Get Outta My Face<\/em>, and you will find in online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order online if you like or you can call-1-800-FLToday; that\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us just mention that you would like the book we were talking about on the radio today; the book about teens.\u00a0 We will know what you have in mind and we will make arrangements to have a copy of it sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know one of the things that in on all of our minds this time of year is gift giving.\u00a0 We have got a list and either you have already taking care of folks on your list or you are still in the process of doing that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have had some friends of the ministry who have already given a great gift to us.\u00a0 They came to us several weeks ago and said they wanted to match every donation we receive in the month of December on a dollar for dollar basis; up to a total of $ 1,250,000.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey told us what they are hoping for is that their matching gift will encourage more <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to make a donation of their own.\u00a0 So during this month if you make a yearend contribution to FamilyLife, a $25 donation, they are going to match it with a $ 25 donation.\u00a0 If you send a $100, they will match it with a $100; again, up to this total amount of $1,250,000.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the largest matching gift we have ever had during yearend.\u00a0 We are hoping to take full advantage of it, so we are asking you to either go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call us, toll-free, 1-800-FL-TODAY, and make as large a yearend contribution to the ministry as you possibly can.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, you can donate online, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 Your donation is going to be matched; it is going to be doubled thanks to the generosity of these friends and we do hope to hear from you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you will be back with us tomorrow.\u00a0 Rick Horn is going to be here again and we are going to continue to talk about the challenges we face as we raise teens and how we can be wise as parents in helping to mold and shape our teens.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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