{"id":301912,"date":"2009-10-28T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-28T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/welcome-to-preschool\/"},"modified":"2009-10-28T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-10-28T15:00:00","slug":"welcome-to-preschool","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/welcome-to-preschool\/","title":{"rendered":"Welcome to Preschool"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How are you going to raise your preschooler?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-28.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.76M","filesize_raw":"12332455","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2881],"tags":[4759,4994],"podcast_series":[7682],"cwp_profile":[9179],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301912","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-young-children","tag-discipline","tag-first-baby","podcast_series-birth-to-five","cwp_profile-brenda-nixon","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301912\/welcome-to-preschool","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301912\/welcome-to-preschool","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZwPqTPhrqt\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/welcome-to-preschool\/\">Welcome to Preschool<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/welcome-to-preschool\/embed\/#?secret=ZwPqTPhrqt\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Welcome to Preschool&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZwPqTPhrqt\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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For my daughter Laura money talked.\u00a0 I remember saying to her one time, \u201cLaura if you get out of bed again I\u2019m going to have to take a quarter out of your bank.\u201d\u00a0 Well, like a self respecting preschooler she had to push the envelope and she jumped out of bed.\u00a0 But mom is a promise keeper and I said, \u201cLaura I\u2019m sorry that you chose to get out of bed now I\u2019m going to have to take that quarter.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd she hopped back in bed and did the \u201cI\u2019m in bed now\u201d thing that kids do because they want you to back pedal and I said, \u201cI told you I\u2019d have to take a quarter for you getting out of bed and you chose to get out of bed.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went over and shook a quarter out of her piggy bank and walked out of the room feeling like a big creep but guess what?\u00a0 She never got out of bed again because she trusted my words.\u00a0 She knew I meant what I said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, October 28<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 There is a lot of instruction and discipline and correction and training that goes on when our children are toddlers.\u00a0 We\u2019ll help you navigate some of those issues today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You and Barbara have talked about a stage of a child\u2019s life that you called the golden years.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are some of our listeners who are wondering now when do those years start?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They are preceded by three or four years that are the preschool years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would not call the preschool years the golden years.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 They don\u2019t come until kindergarten?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, yes.\u00a0 If you asked me what I would characterize what golden years are it\u2019s those years right up until puberty.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The golden years are the compliant, sweet\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, well it\u2019s just under control generally speaking and your family is not being torn by schedules going to and fro.\u00a0 To soccer and baseball and piano lessons.\u00a0 You may have some of that but it isn\u2019t out of control like it can get as you move into 11, 12, 13, 14.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here is what defined the golden years for us.\u00a0 I remember when my boys would come in to kiss mom goodnight as they were going to bed and they would cuddle and kiss and say you are so beautiful.\u00a0 That\u2019s when you know you are right in the middle of the golden years when your kids are still talking to you that way, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is exactly right.\u00a0 We aren\u2019t going to talk about the golden years but we are going to talk about preparing for the golden years.\u00a0 To do that you have to have a game plan for how you are going to raise your preschooler especially ages 3-5.\u00a0 With us to help do that is Brenda Nixon.\u00a0 Brenda welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 It\u2019s great to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Brenda is a speaker for MOPS international.\u00a0 She speaks at MOPS groups, Hearts at Home, national conventions and she is an author and has two children of her own.\u00a0 She and her husband have been married for 30 years and she has written a book that is really a good preparation for those golden years.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>The Birth to Five Book:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Confident Child Rearing Right From the Start<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to start out by asking you for advice around the issue of rules and relationships because all of us as parents need to find a way to have the proper tension between developing a good relationship with our child and understanding yes we do represent authority and we will establish boundaries.\u00a0 It really is from the time you start to the time you go through the golden years on into adolescents you have to be able to balance those two don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a delicate balance really.\u00a0 If you fall too much on one side or the other you are going to be in trouble.\u00a0 If you want all relationship and it\u2019s like Oh, I can\u2019t stand it when my child is mad at me.\u00a0 You get manipulated because you can\u2019t stand the tears and the temper tantrums and you\u2019re always caving in because you only care about the relationship you are in trouble.\u00a0 Don\u2019t cheat your child out of having a parent who loves them and is their cheerleader and their best advocate by being all about rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As you are saying this I\u2019m remembering and we\u2019ve talked about this a number of times on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> that there was a study done at I think the University of Minnesota years ago.\u00a0 They said children are asking fundamentally two questions of mom and dad.\u00a0 The questions are do you love me and can I do whatever I want?\u00a0 And they said how you answer those two questions decides what kind of parent you are.\u00a0 Of course the right way to answer is, yes, I love you and because I love you, no, you can\u2019t do whatever you want.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But some of us as parents we\u2019re a little soft and we say of course I love you and you can probably get away with more than you should.\u00a0 That is the permissive parent and that is not good.\u00a0 Then there are others who say no, you absolutely cannot get away with too much and you are going to wonder if I love you from time to time.\u00a0 That is the authoritarian parent and that is a dangerous place to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Finding that balance where you say sweetheart I love you more than you can even imagine and you can absolutely not get away with whatever you want.\u00a0 That is where you are trying to get to but that is a hard place to know where the balance is.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The way you find that balance I think is getting into the Bible.\u00a0 The best seller of all time and the reason that is so important is it will demonstrate how God did it.\u00a0 Our God is a God of relationship and of rules.\u00a0 In John 1 verse 14 and this is really a key verse for Barbara and me.\u00a0 It talks about Jesus becoming flesh and dwelling among us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe developed relationships with people and it says we beheld His glory full of two things.\u00a0 Grace and truth.\u00a0 Full of relationship love, care, compassion, grace, mercy, and forgiveness.\u00a0 Also full of truth.\u00a0 Standard, rules, regulations.\u00a0 The Bible has lots of regulations in it.\u00a0 The Ten Commandments are not ten suggestions.\u00a0 They are commandments given my almighty God to represent who He is.\u00a0 I think as parents whether we realize it or not we are modeling who God is to our children.\u00a0 They get their first glimpse of what He is like from us as parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How we model what you are talking about\u2014rules and relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely and I think parents are doing a great disservice to their child if they error on either side in the extreme.\u00a0 I encourage parents to try and find that middle of the road.\u00a0 The fact is when your child feels loved is when your child knows that you care enough and love enough to set rules, boundaries, and regulations.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\u00a0 I remember Josh McDowall talking about this on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of years ago.\u00a0 He said rules without relationship equals rebellion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that is why it is important that while we do set up an authority structure in the home the child has to know that it is set up on a foundation of love.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And relationship without rules leads to permissiveness and a spoiled brat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is exactly right.\u00a0 My definition of a spoiled child is a child who is searching for boundaries and limits.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And looking to a parent to provide them.\u00a0 One of the real battlegrounds is bed time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We have all experienced it.\u00a0 Not all of us have children like Bob\u2019s who come in and say mommy you are beautiful.\u00a0 Daddy you\u2019re handsome.\u00a0 You are such great parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now wait.\u00a0 I just want to say they did that and then they would come back and want to say the same thing and then they would come back another 15 minutes later\u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda: <\/strong>\u00a0That is called a stalling technique.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Kids are great at that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So let\u2019s talk about that.\u00a0 What if you are experiencing battles around bed time?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay for any parents listening if you have a preschooler who is resisting going to bed at night there is a reason for that.\u00a0 You are the center of the universe to them and they don\u2019t want to be separated from the action.\u00a0 Most self respecting preschoolers are going to stall and fiddle around and resist going to bed.\u00a0 It\u2019s not pleasant but it is normal behavior.\u00a0 At least you know your child is typical.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe important thing is to always have a bed time routine or ritual.\u00a0 The reason this is important is because it gives them something safe and predictable that they can count on.\u00a0 It actually helps them to start getting into that sleep mode if they know what comes next after this.\u00a0 The routine is necessary and so it telling them your expectations right up front.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRemember I said the most effective discipline is proactive.\u00a0 Tell your child what you expect.\u00a0 You would say Susie, I expect you to stay in bed.\u00a0 It is bed time and I\u2019m turning out the light and you stay in bed.\u00a0 You cannot make a child sleep.\u00a0 That is something they control but you can make sure they stay in bed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know my daughter Laura would jump out of bed like a Mexican jumping bean and she would think of everything.\u00a0 She had a kinkernail.\u00a0 That was her word for fingernail.\u00a0 She has this wrong or that wrong or she needs a drink or she forgot to brush her teeth.\u00a0 She would come up with a myriad of number of reasons for her not to go to bed.\u00a0 We would have to get very firm with her and say if you get out of bed again this is going to happen and we set a negative consequence.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Such as?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 For her now this is what we did in our home.\u00a0 For my daughter Laura money talked.\u00a0 In the preschool years she would get a whole quarter for her allowance.\u00a0 I remember saying to her one time, \u201cLaura if you get out of bed again I\u2019m going to have to take a quarter out of your bank.\u201d\u00a0 Well, like a self respecting preschooler she had to push the envelope and she jumped out of bed.\u00a0 But mom is a promise keeper and I said, \u201cLaura I\u2019m sorry that you chose to get out of bed now I\u2019m going to have to take that quarter.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd she hopped back in bed and did the \u201cI\u2019m in bed now\u201d thing that kids do because they want you to back pedal and I said, \u201cI told you I\u2019d have to take a quarter for you getting out of bed and you chose to get out of bed.\u201d\u00a0 I went over and shook a quarter out of her piggy bank and walked out of the room with that coin in my hand feeling like a big creep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What a terrible thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know.\u00a0 Stealing money from a child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 But guess what?\u00a0 She never got out of bed again because she trusted my words.\u00a0 She knew I meant what I said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 We had that experience from some of our kids.\u00a0 They got into this pattern in the three or four year old stage where they would come in in the middle of the night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s very common.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And it was not just an isolated occurrence but it started being every night.\u00a0 At 2 in the morning I\u2019m having a bad dream.\u00a0 Now at that moment you want to comfort your child.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to ignore what maybe going on in their heart but after a while it started to look like I don\u2019t know that you had a bad dream I think you just woke up and you were looking for some comfort.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 It becomes a habitual behavior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We used the money technique that you were talking about I remember with one of our kids saying if you can stay in bed all night tomorrow morning I\u2019m going to give you a dime.\u00a0 If you wake up in the middle of the night and you\u2019re having a bad dream and you feel like you want to come see mom and dad we will want you to do that but if you can stay here I\u2019ll give you the dime.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when they woke up they had their choice.\u00a0 How bad do I want to see mom and dad?\u00a0 Do I want to see them a dime\u2019s worth or not?\u00a0 It helped them try to weigh out it wasn\u2019t just the impulsive I\u2019m awake let\u2019s go see what mom and dad are up to.\u00a0 It was now a decision of do I really need a dime\u2019s worth of comfort?\u00a0 And it did seem to help the situation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 What you were doing was so powerful because you are actually giving your children the opportunity to make a choice and when we give our children opportunities to make an either\/or choice we are actually beginning to share some of the power with them so that as they get older and older they take on bigger choices and more important choices like job interviews, who they date, and where they go to college.\u00a0 They get those little opportunities to make decision making when they are young and you help them to make that decision of what do I want to do without always telling them what they must do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk about another pattern of behavior and that is wars over food.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, my goodness, food wars.\u00a0 They start a little before the preschool years maybe about two and a half but parents will call my office and say okay Brenda what is wrong with my child?\u00a0 He only wants macaroni and cheese for a week now and I\u2019ve fixed it on the eighth day and now he screams and cries and says no, I want peanut butter.\u00a0 This is called food jag.\u00a0 Kids will go through a very normal albeit troublesome phase where they just want a certain type of food.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing is they put the brakes on nutritionally.\u00a0 They really don\u2019t need as much in the preschool years versus those first three years but parents are used to shoveling it in.\u00a0 Then when kids start putting on the brakes around two and a half to three and are becoming more picky and don\u2019t eat as much parents get all nervous.\u00a0 Then what happens is the cajoling and the \u201cplease open your mouth\u201d and the play airplane and the begging or you sit there until your plate is clean and those kinds of food issues.\u00a0 What happens is that food becomes a power issue and that is where food problems and eating disorders start.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Can it be an issue of control?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda<\/strong>:\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is what we viewed it as.\u00a0 When the kids started pushing back and saying they weren\u2019t going to eat something.\u00a0 We\u2019d say that\u2019s alright.\u00a0 That\u2019s what we are having tonight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is not a\u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Short order restaurant.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and with six kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 You eat or you don\u2019t and if you don\u2019t the consequence is that you get hungry but parents have to allow that consequence to happen and not rescue the child by an hour later fixing a meal for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I knew one parent the daughter all she wanted was noodles or rice.\u00a0 That was every meal.\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking for a week.\u00a0 I\u2019m talking about for six months.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This was all that would satisfy her.\u00a0 And this mother decided okay I\u2019ll make you noodles or rice.\u00a0 You better have something.\u00a0 I thought to myself it\u2019s not good from a nutritional standpoint but it\u2019s also not good in terms of the child really calling the shots around this is what I demand and I\u2019m not going to be satisfied with anything else.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 They do need well rounded nutrition.\u00a0 I look at it as a very easy division of labor.\u00a0 Your job is to present the food and make sure it is healthy.\u00a0 Their job is to eat it or not.\u00a0 It\u2019s very simple.\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to cross over the line and do their job for them and beg or trick them to eat.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So if you have a dinner and it is a piece of chicken and some mashed potatoes and some lima beans.\u00a0 And they go I\u2019ll be perfectly satisfied with the chicken and the mashed potatoes.\u00a0 I\u2019m not touching those lima beans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m going to flip those lima beans across the table.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you make them eat?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 You must have lived in my house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s what I did as a child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They were like little hockey pucks at our place.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you make them eat some of those lima beans?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 A taste but don\u2019t sit there and say you have to clean your plate.\u00a0 Because what you are doing is you are setting up a battle of wills and food becomes the ammunition.\u00a0 That child will sit there until it is dark and the crickets are singing outside and the food is stone cold and they still won\u2019t eat it.\u00a0 The idea is just taste it.\u00a0 Anytime you have an unfamiliar food a kid is usually going to turn their nose up to it so the trick is to introduce an unfamiliar food along with the familiar and well liked foods.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRepetition is the key.\u00a0 A lot of preschoolers are going to say I don\u2019t like that and they haven\u2019t even tasted it because it looks strange or it is a different color.\u00a0 Just keep having it in your home and keep introducing it several times a week and the psychologists say the constant stimulus looses affect so the constant stimulus is having this new food several times a week.\u00a0 They get to where it\u2019s not strange or new to them and they are willing to try it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was the one with the lima beans.\u00a0 As an adult I still don\u2019t like them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So I\u2019m glad we got that worked out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Another battle line issue is thumb sucking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do you recommend to a child who...\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or a binky or a pacifier?\u00a0 Four years old with a binky?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is this similar because some of our kids carried their blankets on into the golden years and on into the adolescent years.\u00a0 They enjoyed sleeping with their blankets.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, did they go out on dates with their blankets?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 They sure didn\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s important first of all to look at your child\u2019s behavior and wonder what is going on behind the behavior.\u00a0 Sometimes if you see an increase in regressive behavior such as thumb sucking or pacifier usage or cuddling with blankets there could be some real stress that the child is perceiving.\u00a0 Your job as the parent is to find out what is that stressor and help eliminate it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is no problem though with a child using comfort items.\u00a0 I think it is more helpful though when they use them at the appropriate time and that is at bed time.\u00a0 All of us even as adults we have our techniques for getting comfortable and getting into that position where we fall asleep best.\u00a0 Children likewise need little comfort tools to help them go to sleep at night.\u00a0 I think it is harmful if they have the pacifier in their mouth 24\/7, or if they are sucking on their thumb 24\/7 especially if it is an increased behavior.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So what do you do if a child is sucking his or her thumb during the day?\u00a0 There is not a reason for it necessarily but they are repeatedly doing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, if you have decided that there is no stressor going on and your child is increasing in thumb sucking and you are not really sure why the important thing is not to make a big issue.\u00a0 Not to say get that thumb out of your mouth.\u00a0 Look at you.\u00a0 Stop acting like a baby because you are embarrassing me.\u00a0 If you make an issue out of it, it becomes an issue.\u00a0 What I encourage parents to do is give that child something to do with their hands.\u00a0 Keep their hands busy.\u00a0 Crayons, chalk, help them draw pictures, do play dough.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Would you give them a reward if they quit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t even talk about it.\u00a0 I would just say here you\u2019re going to have to pull your hand out of your mouth in order to use this play dough with me.\u00a0 It can be very simple and matter of fact way of approaching it.\u00a0 But if you make an issue out of it, it becomes an issue and a lot of times children will repeat behaviors because it gets mom or dad\u2019s attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know in all these things we have talked about here it demands that parents have a good game plan and they know where they are going.\u00a0 Not just as a mom but as a mom and a dad.\u00a0 One of the things our kids tried to do is they tried to get us divided.\u00a0 Because they knew if they could get dad to agree to do something or mom to agree to something then they had a divided household at that point and they could get their way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s where parents need to be together.\u00a0 They need to get a plan.\u00a0 They need to prayerfully discuss that plan and as a couple read a great book like yours <em>The Birth to Five Book<\/em> and begin to hammer out what your approach is to issues of discipline, character development, building a relationship, the child\u2019s identity and how you are going to approach delicate issues.\u00a0 For Barbara and me the way we did it was our date night.\u00a0 It started out in an attempt to become a romantic date night but it soon with six kids became a CEO and President of the Rainey family meeting together for self preservation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had to have that date night.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a board meeting is what it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 It was a board meeting.\u00a0 We should have kept minutes and notes.\u00a0 We could probably sell those things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a matter of fact we did.\u00a0 We wrote a book called <em>Parenting Today\u2019s Adolescent<\/em> which has helped a lot of people.\u00a0\u00a0 I would recommend a good date night for couples on a regular basis so they can pull back and take a look at their kids and see where they are headed and know how to be one voice locked arms as a couple knowing how to handle these issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really a lot of challenges you face in marriage are issues because you are not on the same page as parents.\u00a0 When a mom and a dad can get together on child raising and go through a book like the one Brenda has written <em>The Birth to Five Book<\/em> which we have in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center or when you go through the DVD series that you and Barbara have created for parents called <em>Right From the Start<\/em> that is about early childhood discipline.\u00a0 You may not agree with everything that Brenda says or that Dennis and Barbara say but it gives you an opportunity as a couple to start to discuss what you think you ought to do and to get you on the same page as you raise your children especially during the toddler years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information about Brenda\u2019s book and the <em>Right From the Star<\/em>t DVD series on our web site FamilyLife Today.com.\u00a0 In fact we have some clips of the DVD series up on our web site we also have an excerpt from Brenda\u2019s book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also call toll free 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800\u201cF\u201d as in Family \u201cL\u201d as in Life and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany of our listeners are aware that the holiday that is fast approaching not the one this week but the one next month Thanksgiving.\u00a0 That is Barbara Rainey\u2019s favorite holiday of the year and one of the reasons why she feels so strongly about thanksgiving is because of the issue of gratitude.\u00a0 We need to as followers of Christ to be people who have a heart of gratitude.\u00a0 In that spirit I want you to know how grateful we are for those of you who not only listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> but also who go on line at FamilyLife Today.com or call and make donations to help support this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are listener supported and a non-profit organization.\u00a0 All of the funds that we receive from you go to help defray the costs associated with syndicating and distributing this program along with the production expenses.\u00a0 Your donations keep this program on in this city and other cities all across the country.\u00a0 We want you to know how grateful we are for your financial support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact this month if you are able to help with a donation of any amount we\u2019d like to say thank you in a very tangible way.\u00a0 We\u2019d like to send you Barbara Rainey\u2019s audio book <em>Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 This has been produced and read by a dramatic actor.\u00a0 It\u2019s got sound affects and music.\u00a0 It really brings to life the thanksgiving story and the CD is our thank you gift to you when you make a donation this month in support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are making that donation on line at FamilyLife Today.com you can type the word \u201cTHANKSGIVING\u201d in the key code box on the on line donation form.\u00a0 Or if you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation just ask for a copy of the Thanksgiving audio book and we are happy to send it to you.\u00a0 Again, I want to say thank you for your financial support.\u00a0 We do appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow I hope you can join us.\u00a0 We\u2019ll again introduce you to Coach Mark Richt.\u00a0 He\u2019s the head football coach for the University of Georgia Bulldogs and we are going to talk not about football but about adoption tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today, hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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