{"id":301910,"date":"2009-10-26T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-26T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/getting-it-right-from-the-start\/"},"modified":"2009-10-26T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-10-26T15:00:00","slug":"getting-it-right-from-the-start","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-it-right-from-the-start\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting it Right From the Start"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do you wish someone had told you when you were first a parent?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-26.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"10.88M","filesize_raw":"11405239","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2881],"tags":[4759,4994],"podcast_series":[7682],"cwp_profile":[9179],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301910","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-young-children","tag-discipline","tag-first-baby","podcast_series-birth-to-five","cwp_profile-brenda-nixon","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301910\/getting-it-right-from-the-start","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301910\/getting-it-right-from-the-start","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"2WIkVprCWw\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-it-right-from-the-start\/\">Getting it Right From the Start<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-it-right-from-the-start\/embed\/#?secret=2WIkVprCWw\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Getting it Right From the Start&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"2WIkVprCWw\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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parent?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 By the time they are six months they can fuss a little or get frustrated a little bit.\u00a0 You just stand back and watch and see if maybe they have some calming skills or they are learning to figure out a problem themselves.\u00a0\u00a0 What a gift you are giving your child to not just jump in an immediately fix things because you\u2019re not always going to be around to fix things in life.\u00a0 Your child has to begin learning even at this very young most innocent age to self calm and fix problems that arise in life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, October 26<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We have a lot of suggestions for parents of children from birth to age five.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>!\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, I have a question for you as you start the broadcast.\u00a0 What do you wish someone would have told you right from the start?\u00a0 As you and Mary Ann started having children and you were raising infants and moving into the toddler years and preschool what would be among the most important things?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have thought back because as a parent you do think back and go if you could start over again what would you do different?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s not the question though.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do you wish someone would have told you, warned you, educated you with right from the start?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wish somebody would have started off with me saying and this is going to sound there are listeners who if they don\u2019t understand what I\u2019m saying they are going to think I\u2019ve really gone off the deep end here.\u00a0 I wish somebody had said you can apply some animal training techniques to your child raising and it will actually serve you pretty well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know what I\u2019m saying?\u00a0 I was focused on relationship and this was a new baby and we wanted the relationship to be solid.\u00a0 If somebody had said there is some basic training stuff you need to do to get the little animals to act the way they are supposed to act if would have been helpful for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our guest is about to break out in laughter.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to introduce her so she can comment on this.\u00a0 Brenda Nixon joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do you think about what he just said, Brenda?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think it can be the reverse.\u00a0\u00a0 Sometimes you can use child rearing skills on your dogs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Brenda is a speaker and a writer.\u00a0 She and her husband have two children and she has written a book called <em>The Birth to Five Book: Confident Child Rearing Right From the Start<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course Barbara and I just finished a video series that we have been talking about on FamilyLife Today <em>Right From the Start<\/em>.\u00a0 So you picked up on something that we are talking about as well.\u00a0 We both agree on the same thing.\u00a0 That is that getting it right at the beginning can save you a whole lot later on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 It sure can.\u00a0 A lot of heart ache.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You believe that getting a plan from the very beginning is important.\u00a0 That\u2019s why you\u2019ve written this book, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes and this book really is an answer to my heart cry because when I first started having children I didn\u2019t feel well prepared and had a lot of doubts.\u00a0 My family lived far away so I didn\u2019t have the luxury of extended family to help me so I realized that other parents must feel this way too.\u00a0 In my work since where I go out and speak and work with parents I have found that we are self doubting.\u00a0 I wanted to give parents the information and the affirmation to do their job and to help them to feel confident at responding to their children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The way I would have answered my question was I wish someone would have sat us down and said you need a plan.\u00a0 You need a very simple plan.\u00a0 It is very similar to how you answered it Bob except I wasn\u2019t nearly as offensive.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 All the pet lovers just left <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 To answer the question would that have been how you answered the question?\u00a0 Getting a plan right from the start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 A very simple plan is your goal as a parent is to work yourself out of a job.\u00a0 So give your children all the skills and responsibilities and inner fortitude and independence that they need to get on in life without you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Zero to five is pretty foundational in all of that.\u00a0 A lot of times as parents we think well we want to wait until their verbal skills and their cognition is at a point where we can have these kinds of talks with them about the future and about life but the foundation you lay from zero to five even pre verbal and pre cognition\u2014they aren\u2019t precognition they are thinking but they are not having abstract kinds of thoughts.\u00a0 You\u2019re still training and teaching early on essential stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You actually started your book out with a list of things someone had given you when you started out with your children.\u00a0 Share those with our listeners.\u00a0 I think a young mom or perhaps a dad who may be wondering why his wife is filled with the self doubt you are talking about.\u00a0 These could be helpful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 One thing I didn\u2019t realize and I wanted very much to have my child was the pregnancy a roller coaster of feelings and there were days when I wondered maybe I don\u2019t want to be pregnant.\u00a0 Maybe I don\u2019t want to have my baby?\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019m not ready for this enormous responsibility and so the vacillating between wanting a baby and not sure if I wanted a baby came as a surprise to me.\u00a0 Nobody told me that I was going to have these different feelings.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve learned that is very normal and very healthy and it is always better to express your feelings to somebody and to vent those than to hold them inside or feel guilty about them.\u00a0 Another thing is a goal for your pregnancy is a healthy baby regardless of the delivery mode.\u00a0 A lot of parents have this ideal image in their mind of how it\u2019s going to go when they get to the hospital and what kind of delivery it is going to be.\u00a0 Nobody can predict the future and we don\u2019t know what kind of delivery situation we will have but the important thing is you have a healthy baby.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA newborn requires the basic minimum of being fed and loved and a safe place to sleep and frequent diaper changes.\u00a0 Especially in our economy where parents are trying to stretch a buck it\u2019s important to remember that a new born doesn\u2019t care if they have a fancy crib or bumper pads.\u00a0 In fact those aren\u2019t even safe for new borns.\u00a0 Or the latest toys or fancy stroller.\u00a0 There is some pretty nice equipment out there for babies today but they don\u2019t care.\u00a0 Just give them that love and basic needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are saying the first six months or first year the baby isn\u2019t aware if the stroller has the plushest seats or not.\u00a0 It\u2019s basically they eat, sleep, pee, and poop.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean that\u2019s the first twelve months are that, aren\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You\u2019ve done it again in the same broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019ve offended more folks?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Certainly not any mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because she can relate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I appreciated this whole list that you had and if folks want to see the rest of it they can go to on line to FamilyLife.com to see the entire list of things you wish you\u2019d known from the start.\u00a0 I think the thing that I underestimated with Barbara was how much this would test the very issue you are talking about her self confidence.\u00a0 She did not know what she was doing.\u00a0 She was learning a new role in a new way and our relationship was changing in the midst of this and I as a husband didn\u2019t know what to do with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I\u2019ve wondered often why is it that God gives babies to people in their 20s and early 30s?\u00a0 I feel like I\u2019m so much smarter today.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have the energy I had back then.\u00a0 Maybe that is why He gives babies to people in their 20s and 30s.\u00a0 I just think wouldn\u2019t it be better if we were smarter when we had babies for the first time.\u00a0 That is what you are saying.\u00a0 Moms really need someone to come along and give them some of the intelligence that doesn\u2019t come naturally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Parenting is one of the oldest professions but that doesn\u2019t mean it comes naturally.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t mean that we understand child development or what is normal or what is not.\u00a0 It takes the first six weeks for us to get in sync with a new born to understand what the different cries mean and do actually read the baby accurately.\u00a0 There are just a lot of sincere good attempts to help a baby but sometimes we are second guessing ourselves and sometimes we hit it.\u00a0 Sometimes we miss.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that parenting does create a lot of angst and guilt so I hope to give parents information about child development and practical answers and stories of what worked or doesn\u2019t work and what other parents think.\u00a0 I wanted to do it in a very succinct book because busy of parents of young kids don\u2019t have time to read long chapters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 This makes a great baby gift to a first time parent.\u00a0 I would go to something even more fundamental then necessarily a book and that is someone who has skin on.\u00a0 Another mom who has been there who can coach you as a young mom and let you know that you are doing just fine.\u00a0 It\u2019s okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember with Barbara when we first started out our marriage she was a bit shy and she didn\u2019t want to make the phone call to someone we were going to church with or a local friend to ask for help.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t natural for her to ask for someone to provide that kind of coaching.\u00a0 I had to say sweetheart you can make that call.\u00a0 Or maybe a husband can make that call for his wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I remember the night we called my mom because we had something going on with Amy that we just didn\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 She was fussy and crying and my mom was delighted to get the call.\u00a0 She was thrilled to get a call asking for some parenting advice.\u00a0 So there are people.\u00a0 There are friends and family members who would love to help you through these first stages.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 Unfortunately there are some people who think it\u2019s a weakness to ask for help.\u00a0 They think they should know this.\u00a0 Why should you if you\u2019ve never been through it before.\u00a0 I see it as a strength if somebody wants to learn and will ask advice or read a book or magazine.\u00a0 I see it as a strength because the great minds are always learning.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Obviously in the first six months of life I was going to say it is pretty simple.\u00a0 It is pretty basic.\u00a0 You want to keep that baby safe from harm but beyond that what are the real objectives you have as a mom or as a dad in those early months.\u00a0 What are you trying to accomplish?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 The two major goals in that first year are the child learns to trust and the child is mastering motor skills.\u00a0 The child learns to trust or bond and that is very important for the emotional development and the brain development that is going on to lay pathways for trust and bonding.\u00a0 They need to know that there is someone who is there who is going to value their needs and respond to them accurately.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then motor development is the second major learning going on in that first year.\u00a0 If you think about it a new born is placed in your arms and they can do nothing.\u00a0 They aren\u2019t even aware of their body.\u00a0 They are not aware of their hands or their limbs.\u00a0 They have no head and neck control.\u00a0 In 12 short months they\u2019re toddling around.\u00a0 That\u2019s major development in that first year.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In more ways than one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 What can parents do to answer your question Bob.\u00a0 First of all respond consistently and lovingly to your baby and develop that sense of attachment or bonding so that the emotional development is strong and secure and then give your child opportunity to move around on the floor or sit up as they get around six months.\u00a0 Or give them the opportunities to crawl and toddle and exercise their motor skills.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d like to add one thing to that and that is a husband and wife, mom and dad, get together and begin to talk about this developmental phase and how they are going to help this child move through these first months and then the first year of their life.\u00a0 It really is a great opportunity to begin the process of talking about how we are going to raise this child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It comes out again out of a lot of self doubt and a lack of experience but this is ultimately to hammer out the plan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you are saying that for a mom and dad to spend the first six months and the first year really mapping out their objectives and what they want to see happen in the life of this child and really get a game plan put together not just for the first year but for the child\u2019s whole life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What you are going to see emerge are certain themes and we\u2019ve talked about those repeatedly here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 I think the Bible teaches that there are four things that children need\u2014identity.\u00a0 That\u2019s sexual identity and ultimately spiritual identity.\u00a0 It\u2019s the first question we ask when they are born.\u00a0 What is it?\u00a0 Male or female.\u00a0 The second thing they need is they need to know how to build relationships and that starts with you as a parent interacting, hugging, and talking with the child as they are infants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third area is character development.\u00a0 That is teaching them to be wise and not foolish.\u00a0 It\u2019s the development of choosing right and not wrong.\u00a0 Finally you have to begin with the end in mind.\u00a0 You have to release your child toward a mission.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Working yourself out of a job as Brenda talked about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s back to what she was talking about there.\u00a0 To take the pressure off, Bob, parents in the first six to 12 months of life are not going to know all the ins and outs around the basics of the plan.\u00a0 They are going to begin to form it because they are going to see certain things begin to emerge like boundaries, schedules, and relationships.\u00a0 How are we going care for this child and really provide for them?\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to have all the answers fortunately but you need to begin to engage mom and dad, husband and wife, around these issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Brenda you talked about bonding and motor skills as essential in that first year.\u00a0 In the area of bonding it is obviously important that there be cuddling and holding,\u00a0 If you leave a baby alone and if there is no contact with humans that child will die.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, failure to thrive.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t it true though on the other side that there are some parents at least I\u2019ve observed some parents that it is almost like when the child makes any kind of a peep mom is right there\u00a0 grabbing that baby.\u00a0 It\u2019s almost like the baby has no opportunity to develop as an individual himself or herself.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 It depends on the age.\u00a0 Now the first six weeks that is absolutely appropriate because their brain is not developed to the point where they understand cause and effect so they cannot manipulate you and they cannot be spoiled.\u00a0 Those first six weeks they absolutely need you to hold, cuddle, and rock so do it all with no guilt.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs they age it\u2019s appropriate to begin backing off just slowly and gently.\u00a0 Weaning them off of expecting an immediate response so that by the time they are six months they can fuss a little or get frustrated a little bit and you just stand back and watch and see if maybe they have some self calming skills or they are learning to figure out a problem themselves.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a gift you are giving your child to not just jump in and immediately fix things.\u00a0 You are not always going to be around to fix things in life.\u00a0 Your child has to begin learning even at this very young most innocent age to self calm, to fix problems, and that is even a self esteem builder because we all like to feel independent and that we can handle the problems that arise in life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is one of the things I\u2019ve observed with first time moms particularly.\u00a0 It\u2019s very hard for them to back off and let that child be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laugther)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was the case when we were raising ours.\u00a0 It\u2019s a part of this I\u2019m a mother now and I must care for this baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s crying it must be broken.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have to fix it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 There you go and dads too.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to point out when you are talking about having a plan is even the division of labor\u2014who gets up with the baby in the middle of the night or who feeds the baby or who is going to do the baths and the bedtime routine.\u00a0 Separate that out and decide who is going to do what because a lot of marital conflict can occur after the birth of the first baby because each may have unreal expectations of their partner and what role they are going to play in the child care.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI so strongly encourage dads to get involved in the daily care.\u00a0 The child needs to have the benefit of both parents nurturing, raising, feeding, changing diapers and reading to them and doing all the child care. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve been waiting to ask a controversial question of my own.\u00a0 Bob kind of started this out at the beginning of the broadcast with his answer to my question.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 My child training or animal training tips for parents?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here is the question and I have to tell you I don\u2019t fully understand this as a dad nor do I understand it as the host of a daily radio program \u201cFamilyLife Today.\u201d\u00a0 Why this topic is so emotionally charged but it seems to be quite fraught with controversy and that is breast feeding.\u00a0 Why has this become such a polarizing issue even within the Christian community?\u00a0 What is going on here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 I thought you were going to say spanking because that is another charged one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay we\u2019ll start with the breast feeding first.\u00a0 Of course you know you have the people who are militant and strong who think you have to breast feed or you are not an adequate parent.\u00a0 I think well, yes, human milk is made for human babies so if at all possible it is the best route to go.\u00a0 However there are some situations where a mother cannot and she shouldn\u2019t be made to feel less than because she can\u2019t do this one element of nurturing and mothering.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCertainly you can raise healthy, developmentally strong children using formula but if at all possible please try to breast feed because even those first couple of weeks where you get the colostrum and the early milk is just like liquid gold to a baby\u2019s development.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tResearch has shown that the longer you do nurse a baby the longer their immunity system is built up which makes them stronger in resisting certain strains of illnesses.\u00a0 There is a certain amount of fat in human milk that helps with brain development and milanation and these things are not present in formula.\u00a0 If possible do it but if you cannot or you choose not to breast feed you shouldn\u2019t feel you are less than a parent.\u00a0 There are many other ways to love your baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I agree with you.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let those who may be on the militant side of this topic create guilt and shame.\u00a0 Instead set your course and get the best advice you can possibly get and make your decision and move from there.\u00a0 What we are talking about here is one of the most fundamental teachings of the Bible and that is a child is a gift from God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is a great privilege to be able to take that new born baby and I like where you started out at the beginning of the broadcast a healthy new born baby.\u00a0 Our family has experienced the loss of a new born and we so can take it for granted that it\u2019s going to be an automatic and that you are going to get a healthy baby.\u00a0 That is not the case but as they come you accept that baby as a gift with everything that is wrapped up in that little life.\u00a0 You have no idea how God is going to use that little baby in your life to cause you to trust Him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brenda:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s going to happen right away because in these early years in the preschool and toddler years as parents you are going to get challenged.\u00a0 There are going to be times when you don\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how to get this baby to stop crying.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure what we ought to be doing in terms of discipline or training or instruction.\u00a0 Brenda\u2019s book is a helpful tool for moms and dads.\u00a0 It\u2019s called <em>The Birth to Five Book.<\/em>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me again mention the resource that we have produced here at FamilyLife.\u00a0 It\u2019s <em>the Right From the Start<\/em> DVD series where Dennis and Barbara offers insight on early childhood discipline and how we correct and shape the heart of a child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information about Brenda\u2019s book and the <em>Right From the Start <\/em>DVD series on our web site FamilyLife Today.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also call toll free 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800\u201cF\u201d as in Family \u201cL\u201d as in Life and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Someone on our team can let you know how you can get a copy about any of the resources we\u2019ve talked about here today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are approaching what Barbara Rainey says is her favorite holiday of the year\u2014Thanksgiving.\u00a0 When we stop and think about things we are thankful for here at FamilyLife Today one of the things at the top of our list is you.\u00a0 We are thankful for those of you who listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and get in touch with us and let us know how God is using this ministry in your life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also are thankful for those of you who help support the ministry.\u00a0 We are listener sponsored and if it weren\u2019t for folks like you who either occasionally or each month make a donation to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> we could not continue this daily program.\u00a0 We are a nonprofit organization and your donations are what pay the cost of the syndication and production of this daily radio program.\u00a0 We do appreciate that financial support.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month if you are able to help with a donation of any amount we have a thank you gift we would like to send to you.\u00a0 It\u2019s the audio book of Barbara Rainey\u2019s <em>Thanksgiving:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Time to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 This CD tells the story of the first people who came from England to settle in America.\u00a0 This has been produced and read by a dramatic actor.\u00a0 It\u2019s got sound affects and music.\u00a0 It really brings to life the thanksgiving story and the CD is our thank you gift to you when you make a donation this month in support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are making that donation on line at FamilyLife Today.com you can type the word \u201cTHANKSGIVING\u201d in the key code box on the on line donation form.\u00a0 Or if you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone just ask for a copy of the Thanksgiving audio book and we are happy to send it to you.\u00a0 Again, I want to say thank you for your financial support.\u00a0 We do appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we are going to be back to talk more about the issues facing parents as you raise your kids through the toddler years.\u00a0 We are going to talk about what happens when the kids won\u2019t stay in bed at bedtime and other issues like that.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today, hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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