{"id":301906,"date":"2009-10-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/discipline-from-zero-to-two-years\/"},"modified":"2009-10-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-10-21T15:00:00","slug":"discipline-from-zero-to-two-years","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/discipline-from-zero-to-two-years\/","title":{"rendered":"Discipline from Zero to Two Years"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does your newborn really need from you?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"15.02M","filesize_raw":"15747983","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2852,2881],"tags":[4759,4994],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3052,3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301906","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-discipline","category-young-children","tag-discipline","tag-first-baby","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301906\/discipline-from-zero-to-two-years","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301906\/discipline-from-zero-to-two-years","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Pe6KXbTCzU\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/discipline-from-zero-to-two-years\/\">Discipline from Zero to Two Years<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/discipline-from-zero-to-two-years\/embed\/#?secret=Pe6KXbTCzU\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Discipline from Zero to Two Years&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Pe6KXbTCzU\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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you?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 The changing table situation became a point of discipline with all of our children.\u00a0 Where I would say to them, \u201cNo, you may not roll over when mommy is changing your diaper.\u201d\u00a0 And of course we\u2019d never had this kind of an encounter with a baby before and they look at you and smile and they\u2019re so cute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But then there is a look in their eye.\u00a0 I\u2019m not kidding you after six children you begin to see this, there was a day when the light would come on there would be a look in their eye and their eyes would meet their mother\u2019s eyes and it was like we\u2019ll just see about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, October 21<sup>st<\/sup>.\u00a0 The host today is the president of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 From the changing table to the dinner table to just about every spot in the house you\u2019re going to have plenty of opportunities as a parent to exercise a little discipline with your children.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 One thing we can pretty much guarantee if you\u2019re a parent of a preschooler you will have many opportunities to test out a variety of corrective measures with your children.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was wondering what you were going to guarantee there are a lot of guarantees with a preschooler, but you\u2019re right Bob, you\u2019re going to have plenty of opportunities to apply various techniques of discipline.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have it at mealtime, you\u2019re going to have it at nap time, you\u2019re going to have it with, two basic areas.\u00a0 When they\u2019re awake and when they\u2019re asleep.\u00a0 Those are the two main areas where you\u2019ll have it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even when you put them to bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me tell you something, we\u2019ve got some great stories about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We got together with a number of young couples awhile back and with some single parents as well and spent a day unpacking this issue of early childhood discipline.\u00a0 We brought in cameras so that we could capture it for video and so that we could create a resource that moms and dads can use with other moms and dads in a small group and a Sunday school class, in a church setting, or just in your living room.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we want you to hear a portion of the third installment of that video series today as we talked about the issues parents face in the area of early childhood discipline right from the start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In this session we want to talk about the first year of a child\u2019s life and how discipline fits in to that child\u2019s first year and Barbara you are grandparents again for the I don\u2019t know, eleventh, twelfth time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Twelfth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Twelfth time, you were just up with your new grandbaby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 I was, about three weeks ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And were you exhorting your daughter to discipline that baby?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I was, actually.\u00a0 In a manner of speaking, this was her first baby and when she brought her home she said I don\u2019t know if I can even keep her alive, I mean she was so nervous and as first time moms always are.\u00a0 You don\u2019t know what you are doing you don\u2019t know how to do it, it\u2019s overwhelming, you\u2019re tired, you just don\u2019t know where to begin with that baby.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so, I got the privilege of spending a few days with her and my older daughter, Ashley, did as well, and between the two of us we gave her some coaching on how to help this baby adjust to life in the real world.\u00a0 And one of those things quite honestly is the subject of discipline.\u00a0 What I mean by that is that I was encouraging our daughter to begin to establish a parent-directed home rather than a child-directed one.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said to her, \u201cNow you need to be in charge, yes when your baby cries she is telling you something and you need to learn what her cries mean and all of that, but you are in charge.\u00a0 Not her.\u00a0 And you need to set the schedule, not her.\u00a0 And we talked that through and she\u2019s working on it and she is only three weeks into it, but I just encouraged her that from the very beginning as you establish your routine for your baby and as that baby becomes a toddler if you begin from the very beginning with the idea that you are in charge and that you are responsible it is much easier to establish a schedule and a routine that everybody can be comfortable with and that is the beginning of discipline with your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dennis, we don\u2019t normally think about disciplining little infants who all they do basically is sleep and then wake up and eat and then sleep some more, but \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And a few other things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And a few other things we won\u2019t mention here, but there is a pattern that you want to establish that Barbara\u2019s talking about that communicates even to a newborn baby that you are a welcome part of this family, but you are not the center of the universe.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 And I think what Barbara is talking about here is, from the very beginning you\u2019re training your child and what dads have to realize at this point is they play a very important role alongside the one who carries most of the burden here emotionally and physically,\u00a0 their wives, in terms of coaching, encouraging, cheering her on as she sets the boundaries in those moments when she lacks confidence you come alongside her and talk about it, enter into her world and discuss it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I was always amazed at Barbara\u2019s wisdom in terms of welcoming baby into a very nurturing home, one where she was loved and cared for, but at the same time helping that baby begin to realize that that baby was a part of a bigger universe.\u00a0 And that there was a family and it was made of a constellation of stars not just one star that was in the middle and that the baby was treasured and valued and cherished but needed to understand that this galaxy had some rules and boundaries around it and she needed or he needed to be able to abide by them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara, some of those rules and boundaries with an infant are around the issues of eating and sleeping and you believe that a mom needs to be working to set a schedule for a child in those areas, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 I think that the primary responsibility for a parent, especially a mom in those early days, is the eating and the feeding of the baby and that needs to be scheduled.\u00a0 And by creating a schedule of some kind for your baby you\u2019re creating security, you\u2019re creating an environment that\u2019s stable and you\u2019re creating a training environment where the baby learns to respond, you know where you are in charge of your baby and you\u2019re feeding it when it needs to be fed, not necessarily every time it cries.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy goal was to feed my babies every four hours and sometimes it was three, sometimes it was three and a half but my goal was four so that I could stretch them out enough so that eventually they would sleep through the night.\u00a0 Because getting them to sleep through the night so that they don\u2019t have their days and nights mixed up which babies so often do was one of my goals.\u00a0 Because I needed my sleep to be able to take care of the other people in the family, that was my goal that I was always striving for from day one when I brought that baby home was to get that baby on a schedule so that we could work toward better sleeping patterns so I could sleep better.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dennis, your kids at this age are not being willfully and intentionally disobedient or self-willed when they are crying because they want something to eat, but you\u2019re still communicating something to a child even in these early days about discipline, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well Barbara said it, the purpose of discipline is ultimately to train your child to know how to respond to authority.\u00a0 And ultimately you\u2019re training them to respond to God as their life-authority for how they should live their lives and so what Barbara\u2019s talking about in these very formative weeks and months of life is giving a child a framework to begin to understand yes, there is an authority over her or him and that they need to respond by living within those boundaries, that framework.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then there are times that Barbara began to experience after four to six, seven months where you begin to encounter little tests where you think something is going on here that is not just a baby, it\u2019s a young person beginning to push back a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Diaper changing was one of those times when a baby was four, five or six months old that you started to experience this, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I realized one of the benefits of having a big family is you see these things repeated over and over again with kids.\u00a0 And one of the things that I saw repeated with our babies is that when they learned how to roll over, everybody celebrates it, we clap and we\u00a0 take pictures and movies of it, it is such a big accomplishment when a baby learns to roll over and we celebrate it and enjoy it, but eventually that new accomplishment can become a problem because on the changing table as all of you know who have had babies they think it\u2019s cute and they have no idea if they roll over on the changing table and hit the edge and go off on the floor that it is going to hurt.\u00a0 They don\u2019t know, but we know and so we\u2019re responsible for their protection.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain that\u2019s one of our responsibilities as parents is safety and protection and so I always made that a training situation for our children.\u00a0 Again, when they were little to have an opportunity to teach them that they couldn\u2019t always do what they wanted to do.\u00a0 Yes, rolling over was fun, it was a great accomplishment but they couldn\u2019t always do it when they wanted to do it.\u00a0 And so, the changing table situation became a point of discipline with all of our children where I would say to them, \u201cNo, you may not roll over when mommy is changing your diaper\u201d and of course we\u2019ve never had this kind of an encounter with a baby before and they would look at you and smile and they\u2019re so cute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But then there was a look in their eye. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I\u2019m not kidding you after six children you begin to see this.\u00a0 There was a day when the light would come on there would be a look in their eye and their eyes would meet their mother\u2019s eyes and it was like, we\u2019ll just see about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019d actually say to this baby, \u201cNo you can\u2019t roll over.\u201d\u00a0 This five month old baby?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And the baby understood what she was saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, come on. The baby understands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you change your tone of voice, it\u2019s not the cute, \u201cOh, you\u2019re so cute, I just love you.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s, \u201cNo, you may not roll over\u201d and that change, babies are so perceptive, and they really know and so while the baby doesn\u2019t understand the words, the baby understands the change in the tone of voice.\u00a0 And so, what I would do if the baby did not comply and lay still is I would administer a short, small amount of a sting to their upper leg and just say, \u201cNo, you may not roll over.\u201d\u00a0 And they would look back up at me with their eyes real big, like, what happened?\u00a0 And then they would start crying and we would go through the talking phase where I would say, \u201cIt\u2019s ok, mommy loves you, but you can\u2019t roll over when we change your diaper.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What about biting when it was feeding time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 This was something that I ran into repeatedly and because I nursed my babies when they began teething, they you know how babies like to gum on things and chew on things they would all for one time they would try to do that while I was nursing them and I remember my oldest one was just barely five months old when she did this for the first time and I remember that I decided that I was going to let her know that that was unacceptable behavior and I did the same thing as I did with the changing table.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI took my hand about this far away from her leg, so I didn\u2019t haul back, but at six inches away, I gave her one pop on the top of her leg, just as she bit me and she looked up at me with those big eyes and then she, just for a second, and then she started to cry and I told her that I loved her and that it was important for her to learn to control her mouth and that biting was not acceptable.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA five month old doesn\u2019t understand that any more than a five or six-month old rolling over on the changing table but it was something that I needed to do and I did that with each of my children the first time they would try to bite me and they never did it again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNot one of them ever did it more than once.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it was really a good instruction for me to realize how important it is to deal with things the first time with our children when they are most teachable and most impressionable because it\u2019s so much easier to deal with it quickly and early on than it is to wait until they are much older.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dennis, you\u2019re really setting patterns both for yourself as a parent and also for your child during these early months of life aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are and it\u2019s just going back to a pattern of how you discipline, how you express love how you bring about just a very small amount, a measured amount of pain and it\u2019s all about training them, training them to respond to authority appropriately.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What about the arched back when you are trying to put the child in the high chair like they don\u2019t want to sit down there or in the car seat, I\u2019m not getting in here.\u00a0 How do you deal with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I just let my kids know that they\u2019re not going to win and if it really becomes an issue then I might choose to make it an issue of discipline where they get a spanking.\u00a0 But, you know with some you can talk them it out of it, you can force them to get in and to submit, but others you have to make it a point of discipline.\u00a0\u00a0 So I think it depends on the child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Throwing food on the floor, off the high chair, and again you can begin to detect when it becomes an issue with your child when you tell them not to do it and they look up at you and then they just, their eyes never leave yours and they just push it off to the side.\u00a0 You have to decide what you\u2019re going to do with those things.\u00a0 Whether you\u2019re going to ignore it, which sometimes that may be the best thing to do or really decide, no, this child is drawing a line in the sand and is saying, \u201cno, it\u2019s my will, not your will; I\u2019m going to do what I want to do\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s take some questions.\u00a0 Who\u2019s got a question?\u00a0 You do, sir, go ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong>\u00a0 You mentioned the arched back especially a strong willed child who is going to test you on some of these.\u00a0 What about when you get that and you\u2019re in the process of trying to gain control, or you\u2019re in the process leading to a spanking, it almost seems like a series of events now that you\u2019re having to discipline for.\u00a0 How do you address that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, so much of it depends on the situation.\u00a0 For instance if it\u2019s at the grocery store and your child is resisting getting into the shopping cart you have a choice, are you going to force him to do it on the spot, do you pick him up and go back to the car, have a conversation and say, \u201cwe\u2019re going into the grocery store and you will get in the cart\u201d and you try again and he resists again and then you go back and spank.\u00a0 So there are so many pieces to it because each situation so often is different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean they don\u2019t always do the same thing every time so I think a lot of it depends on where you are and what the other circumstances are.\u00a0 The thing that makes it difficult is that it takes a lot of time.\u00a0 And here you are at the grocery store, you\u2019ve got thirty minutes to get in and out of there because you\u2019ve got to be somewhere and you\u2019ve got this two year-old that resists getting in the shopping cart and is making a big scene.\u00a0 What do you do about it?\u00a0 I mean there have been times when I\u2019ve left the grocery store and just walked away and went home because you just can\u2019t do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you are trying to get the child to comply so you can administer the spanking then I think you have to begin to appeal to his sense of reason that if he doesn\u2019t submit, if he doesn\u2019t yield to the spanking he\u2019s going to get two spankings instead of one.\u00a0 And the first spanking is for his current state which is resisting getting a spanking.\u00a0 And children can get quite strong where they can literally make it tough on a mom or a day to be able to spank them, being so still you can\u2019t bend them over your lap or you can\u2019t get him to come to you.\u00a0 It\u2019s all an issue of the will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 The power game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and so you really do separate out the consequence that you started on first from the current which is a resistant spirit to receiving the discipline that needs to occur and just remain real consistent keep doing it and you will win the battle.\u00a0 It does occur, it may not occur the first time you may feel like my child won, he won that little skirmish, and you know what we didn\u2019t win every skirmish either, it\u2019s ok.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have a question back here.\u00a0 Yes, ma\u2019am?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you have a one year-old like you were explaining before that\u2019s openly defiant, the throwing the food off the high chair or eating the dirt, what do you do if they are fully clothed, you can\u2019t give them the little swat on the leg, what do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would take those overalls or whatever that child has on so that I could get to bare skin and that doesn\u2019t take that long, usually they\u2019ve got those snaps and you can pop those snaps pretty quickly and then put them on your lap and say, \u201cNo, you may not eat the dirt, or no you may not throw the food off,\u201d and then you can give them a swat on their bare leg that will give the proper amount of pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now you said put them on your lap if they\u2019re in the high chair and the food is in front of them would you move the food, get them out of the high chair put them on the lap, do the swat?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I might set them, I\u2019m just picturing real quickly my daughter who has one of those little high chairs that sits on a counter, the kind that doesn\u2019t have the legs and she feeds him on this little chair that sits on the kitchen counter I would picture taking him out of that little high chair and setting him on the counter next to me where I could put my arm around him and still get to his leg without necessarily going into another room where there was a chair and I could sit down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI might do some variation but I would still create some kind of closeness but where I could also get to his or her bare leg that there would actually be some pain involved in it.\u00a0 Because to spank on top of a diaper is pointless and to spank on top of some of the corduroys or denim things that kids where is almost close to pointless because it doesn\u2019t give the sting that\u2019s needed for them to want to change their behavior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have a, well he\u2019s now two, but when he was one with the thing about throwing the food off the high chair I don\u2019t know if I was wrong but it actually worked for me and when he threw the food, did the look, when he looked you in the eye and slid the food off, I actually popped his hand, told him no, took him out of the high chair and told him you pick that up and made him throw it away and put him back in the high chair and I said, \u201cNow you eat your food\u201d.\u00a0 It actually worked versus having him watch you pick it up and He\u2019ll think oh, well I just have to slide it off again, I actually made him pick it up and I made him throw it away and put him back in and said eat your food.\u00a0 And when I did that repeatedly it actually worked and he\u2019s stopped throwing the food off.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are going to be people who are going to be sending their children to your house for this type of lesson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 And really what that illustrates is that different things work for different children.\u00a0 I never felt like spanking my children on their hands ever made any difference to them.\u00a0 so that\u2019s why I always\u00a0 resorted to spanking them on the tops of their legs, but I know that that\u2019s true that that does work for other parents and other children to spank them on the hand and I think making him pick it up and put it in the trash was a brilliant idea.\u00a0 Because they do need to learn that their actions have other kinds of consequences, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ll do one more question. Yes, sir.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong>\u00a0 What about pinching versus spanking at a younger age instead of trying to spank the leg, would a pinch get the same effect?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 It might, it\u2019s not something we ever did.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t feel like that in my way of thinking that didn\u2019t equate with a spanking to me.\u00a0 That just felt a little more demeaning personally.\u00a0 Whereas spanking to me was a really clearly defined in the discipline category, but I wouldn\u2019t say that it would be absolutely off-limits if it was something that again was done in love clearly tied to the offense with a name you disobeyed mommy you threw your food on the floor, whatever, so that they associate the pain with the offense.\u00a0 And I think that\u2019s the key is that whatever the pain that you give has to be associated with the offense.\u00a0 And again it has to be something that they feel otherwise it won\u2019t do any good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think MaryAnn used pinching in the nursing scenario with biting, she\u2019d do a pinch in response to a bite and it seemed to work with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I think that is fine too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ve been listening today to excerpts from the third session in the early childhood discipline series that is called, <em>Right From the Start<\/em>.\u00a0 This is a DVD resource that we\u2019ve produced for small groups to use or for a Sunday school class or for a mom and a dad to sit down and view together if they\u2019d like.\u00a0 You can use it in your church.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe information about the <em>Right From the Start<\/em> DVD series on early childhood discipline with Dennis and Barbara Rainey can be found on our website which is FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 If you are experiencing some discipline struggles with your toddlers, your preschoolers, hopefully what you\u2019re listening to this week has already been helpful.\u00a0 If you would like even more information order the DVD series from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 And again when you get in touch with us we can let you know how you can get the DVD series sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s dawned on you over the last twenty plus minutes as you\u2019ve been listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> but we didn\u2019t stop for any commercial words from our sponsors and that\u2019s because we don\u2019t have any sponsors.\u00a0 The only sponsors we have are you folks, those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are listener supported; we are a non-profit organization so it\u2019s donations from listeners that make this daily radio program possible.\u00a0 And I know some of you, a few of you are legacy partners you make monthly donations to help keep <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on the air in this city and in other cities all across the country.\u00a0 We appreciate you and I know there are others of you who make a donation from time to time to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 We appreciate you as well and we wanted to let you know that this month if you can help with a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and maybe you\u2019ve never done that before.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation this month, we have a thank you gift we\u2019d like to send you.\u00a0 An audio book, its Barbara Rainey\u2019s <em>Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember<\/em> and this audio book is read by a dramatic actor, it includes sound effects, and sound design elements there is music underneath it as well.\u00a0 It is very nicely done and it\u2019s our thank you gift for you and your family this month if you\u2019re able to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So go to FamilyLifeToday.com there\u2019s a donation form online and as you fill it out you will see a key code box on the form, type the word \u201cTHANKSGIVING\u201d into that box and we will know to send the audio book as a thank you for your donation to this ministry.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329, make your donation over the phone and just ask for the thanksgiving audio book when you do.\u00a0 And again let me say thanks in advance for your financial support we do appreciate you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you will be back tomorrow.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to continue to look at how parents can best discipline their children in the early years.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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