{"id":301905,"date":"2009-10-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-fine-art-of-discipline\/"},"modified":"2009-10-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-10-20T15:00:00","slug":"the-fine-art-of-discipline","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-fine-art-of-discipline\/","title":{"rendered":"The Fine Art of Discipline"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How will you correct your child when he misbehaves?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"18.73M","filesize_raw":"19640555","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2852,2881],"tags":[4759,4994],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3052,3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301905","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-discipline","category-young-children","tag-discipline","tag-first-baby","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301905\/the-fine-art-of-discipline","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301905\/the-fine-art-of-discipline","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"1xzgppQEBz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-fine-art-of-discipline\/\">The Fine Art of Discipline<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-fine-art-of-discipline\/embed\/#?secret=1xzgppQEBz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Fine Art of Discipline&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"1xzgppQEBz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"How will you correct your child when he misbehaves?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Spanking is giving a child a measured amount of pain in close association with something that they have done wrong.\u00a0 The problem with spanking \u2013 the reason that it\u2019s so often criticized, and justly so is because parents often are out of control with their children.\u00a0 It\u2019s not a measured amount of pain, it\u2019s not thought through ahead of time.\u00a0\u00a0 So there\u2019s a vast difference between abusive, physical harm to a child, and a measured amount of pain that\u2019s administered by a loving parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, October 20.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve taken spanking off the list of potential corrective measures as you train your children, you may want to pay attention to some of what we talk about on today\u2019s program.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, I want to interrupt you for a second.\u00a0 I just want to say thank you to those folks who are donors to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>You not only make possible this broadcast that you\u2019re hearing today, but you\u2019re also making possible an exciting new video series that we\u2019re about to offer here on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, the subject we\u2019re addressing this week:\u00a0 The subject of early childhood discipline \u2013 we got together with a group of young parents\u2014some single parents, some couples, and talked about the issues that young parents face as they raise toddlers, and preschoolers.\u00a0 Anytime you unpack that subject, the subject of corporal punishment is going to come up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s controversial!\u00a0 I just again want to say \u201cThanks to the donors who make this possible because you know what, we have a generation of young people who are starting their families, and they don\u2019t know how to do it right from the start.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it was interesting to watch the heads nod as we were with these young parents.\u00a0 As you and Barbara shared both from what the scriptures say, and from your own experience as parents in this area\u2014we\u2019re going to just jump right to it.\u00a0 This is part two of a series called <em>Right From the Start<\/em>\u2014a series that addresses early childhood discipline with Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I just want to share with you five of these biblical assumptions that I think build on each other as we move toward helping you understand what the scriptures have to say about this subject of discipline in general, and spanking in specific.\u00a0 First of all children are a gift from God.\u00a0 Psalm 127:3 says, \u201cBehold children are a heritage from the Lord \u2013 a gift from God.\u201d\u00a0 That really leads to the second assumption that amplifies on the first, and that is because God gave us the child, we then are to assume the stewardship of that gift. If you look at the origin of the gift, the gift came from God who is a spiritual being, He\u2019s the creator of the universe \u2013 the ruler of the universe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a result, children are to be raised to be image bearers of God.\u00a0 They\u2019re not just one of six billion people, they really do have a special plan that God has designed for them.\u00a0 Proverbs chapter 4 verses 20-27 talks about how a father says to his son:\u00a0 Listen my son, and I\u2019ll show you the way of life.\u00a0 That\u2019s really a synopsis of our assignment as parents:\u00a0 To show, and instruct our children in how to live life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, the problem is assumption number three:\u00a0 Assumption number three says, \u201cChildren are by nature three things \u2013 well actually four things\u201d!\u00a0 Number one they\u2019re selfish \u2013 Isaiah 53:6 says We all like sheep have gone astray each of us has turned to his own way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me see if I can get agreement on that?\u00a0 Children are selfish \u2013 do you all agree?\u00a0 Can we get some heads bobbing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They do not need to be trained in how to be selfish do they?\u00a0 They do it naturally!\u00a0 Secondly, children are by nature deceitful \u2013 Jeremiah 17:9\u00a0 - as if you needed any evidence from the Bible from this, but it says, \u201cThe heart is deceitful; wicked \u2013 who can know it\u2019s motives?\u201d\u00a0 Children don\u2019t have to be taught how to lie either?\u00a0 Third \u2013 children are by nature foolish.\u00a0 Proverbs 22:15 talks about foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.\u00a0 Then it goes on to talk about how you drive that foolishness out of the heart of a child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally your assignment as parents is to:\u00a0 By the time they reach adulthood as much as you possibly can under God\u2019s enablement move as much of the foolishness out so you can move wisdom in.\u00a0 Wisdom is skill in everyday living \u2013 Godly skill in everyday living.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last thing that children by nature need is:\u00a0 They need instruction, training, and boundaries.\u00a0 So, assumption number four:\u00a0 Discipline is necessary to correct the selfish, willful, foolishness of a child.\u00a0 Hebrews chapter 12 verse 6 \u2013 I think I read this earlier:\u00a0 For whom the Lord loves He disciplines \u2013 He trains them; He develops them.\u00a0 The context of discipline has to be a loving, nurturing relationship with the child.\u00a0 Discipline is never to be administered from a hateful, angry, hard-hearted parent.\u00a0 It needs to be a parent who is also growing spiritually, and who is responsive to God in his or her own heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally the fifth assumption that I\u2019d give you is:\u00a0 The discipline of your child should include spanking as one of your options.\u00a0 It\u2019s not the only option, but we believe it is one option.\u00a0 Proverbs 22:15:\u00a0 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.\u00a0 Proverbs 13:24:\u00a0 He who withholds his rod hates his son.\u00a0 That\u2019s pretty harsh words!\u00a0 But, he who loves him, disciplines him.\u00a0 I think discipline, and spanking in specific is demonstration that you love your children.\u00a0 I do not think your child will equate being spanked with you not loving them, and hating them, or abusing them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you spanked as a child?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Many times!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Barbara, were you spanked?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think so.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You think so?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t have vivid memories of being spanked.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How many of you were spanked growing up \u2013 raise your hands.\u00a0 Okay, we have the majority of the audience that had some kind of corporal punishment.\u00a0 But, it\u2019s important for us to define terms because some of what is criticized when it comes to spanking these days is \u2013 you\u2019d be critical of it too.\u00a0 It\u2019s not appropriate for parents to be lashing out in anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right!\u00a0 Spanking is giving a child a measured amount of pain in close association with something that they have done wrong; whether its an attitude, or an action.\u00a0 So, the gist of that definition is a measured amount of pain.\u00a0 The problem with spanking \u2013 the reason that it\u2019s so often criticized, and justly so is because parents often are out of control with their children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not a measured amount of pain, it\u2019s not thought through ahead of time \u2013 there\u2019s not a logic to it.\u00a0 It\u2019s not necessarily tied closely to a behavior; the parent doesn\u2019t get down on the child\u2019s level and talk to them.\u00a0 So, there is a vast difference between abusive, physical harm to a child, and a measured amount of pain that\u2019s administered by a loving parent who gets down on the child\u2019s level.\u00a0 So, the distinctions are very broad, and very clear when you look at the facts, and the difference between the two of them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I came across in doing some research for this was:\u00a0 The American College of Pediatricians has done a study in the last few years.\u00a0 They presented a report in December of 2007 with their conclusions.\u00a0 They concluded that corporal punishment needs to be a tool that parents be given the freedom to use in raising their children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s an excellent report, and I encourage you to go on-line, and look it up, and maybe even print it.\u00a0 But, one of the things that they said in the report that I thought was especially helpful in discerning the difference between appropriate corporal punishment as they define it, or appropriate spanking as we\u2019re calling it, and inappropriate which is child abuse is this:\u00a0 They defined disciplinary spanking as physically non-injurious intended to modify behavior.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSee, so much of it has to do with the heart.\u00a0 A parent who loves their child, who is involved with the child, who has the goal in mind, is going to administer spanking out of love, and with the purpose of modifying the child\u2019s behavior.\u00a0 Whereas they say that physical abuse is defined as non-accidental injury inflicted by a parent, or a caregiver.\u00a0 Even the posture that a parent assumes when you\u2019re giving a spanking makes it completely different than an abusive situation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAn abuser is one who stands above the child, and hits or kicks or slaps or whatever, and uses that power and size to inflict injury on a child.\u00a0 But, a loving parent picks that child up, and puts it in the lap, and we get eye to eye with that baby, or that toddler, or that five year old, and we talk to them about what they did wrong.\u00a0 We use appropriate language, and we tell them how much we love them, and we say, \u201cNow Mommy or Daddy needs to give you a spanking because of what you did\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re communicating all the way through the process, and we\u2019re at eye level, and we\u2019re holding them, and we\u2019re communicating love, so that when we administer the spanking it\u2019s done in a context of love, and the child knows that Mommy and Daddy love the child.\u00a0 Then we pray at the end.\u00a0 So, there are a lot of components that make giving a child a spanking, or some kind of corporal punishment completely different than a parent or a caregiver who is abusing a child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Isn\u2019t a child\u2019s self esteem going to be damaged if you\u2019re spanking that child regularly?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, actually I believe the opposite is true.\u00a0 I think when you \u2013 a child knows intuitively that they\u2019re doing wrong.\u00a0 They know that they\u2019re crossing the line; they know that they\u2019re manipulating their parents.\u00a0 They really want, and need I think in the core of their being for someone to love them enough to correct, and to train them, and show them the right way to do it.\u00a0 So, no I don\u2019t think it\u2019s at all detrimental to their self-esteem to give them an occasional spanking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know this with our kids \u2013 this is just kind of a summary statement here:\u00a0 The overwhelming evidence in our family was that spanking was very, very positive.\u00a0 Frankly, I do not know how we would have raised six kids without it.\u00a0 Having said that, let me just make this real clear \u2013 this is not the only tool in the toolbox.\u00a0 We\u2019re focusing on this because there\u2019s a lot of misunderstanding, and misconception about this.\u00a0 I do find it interesting if you look at the Bible cover to cover, and look at the specific methods that are recommended by the Bible in terms of discipline of children, there really isn\u2019t another specific method other than spanking.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The time outs not in the Bible?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not specifically!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think God calls some times out.\u00a0 He parked them over in the wilderness for 40 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, the point is don\u2019t you find it interesting that the one thing the Bible does say in terms of raising kids is the one place where the culture, and the learned experts are attacking; wanting to rob I think parents of their courage in raising the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, let\u2019s take some questions \u2013 who has a question?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, how do you gage how hard to spank your child?\u00a0 You don\u2019t want it too hard, but not too soft.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow, that\u2019s a great question!\u00a0 How do you know where the line is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, two things I would share.\u00a0 One is \u2013 we determined that we would spank our children a certain number of swats depending on their age.\u00a0 So, a one-year-old child only got one swat.\u00a0 A two year old would get two; a three year old would get three up to a five year old who got the maximum of five.\u00a0 We never spanked more than five.\u00a0 So, that was one thing, but the second determining factor is to make sure that it actually produces pain, and I think that\u2019s where some parents get caught up, and not administer it correctly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember my oldest daughter when she first started spanking\u00a0 - she really just had this aversion to hurting her child, and I understand I don\u2019t like hurting my children either.\u00a0 But, if it doesn\u2019t produce pain it will not be effective.\u00a0 So, you decide how many, but then you have to spank them hard enough for them to actually feel pain, and cry.\u00a0 If they don\u2019t cry it didn\u2019t hurt, it didn\u2019t work.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You have a question \u2013 yes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We\u2019re in group two \u2013 we spank with intention.\u00a0 We don\u2019t pop, but we actually spank to discipline.\u00a0 Our question would be when they are hitting their siblings, and then we turn around and spank them is the only time I have question.\u00a0 I don\u2019t for lying or direct disobedience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So spanking for hitting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I would say that again it\u2019s the attitude of the heart; because when a child is hitting another child he\u2019s not hitting that child to discipline, as a parent would spank a child for training.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, it really again goes back to the attitude of the child.\u00a0 You\u2019re correcting that attitude because the child is hitting someone because he\u2019s angry usually:\u00a0 Angry that he can\u2019t play, or that his toy was taken away or whatever, so he\u2019s taking that revenge on this child.\u00a0 Spanking is not an action of revenge; spanking is an action of correction.\u00a0 So, I know with out culture it does feel somewhat contradictory, but it\u2019s two very different things because the motive of the heart for the child is to get even, and to inflict hurt or harm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The child understands that what was in his heart when he was hitting his brother is not the same thing that\u2019s in Mommy\u2019s heart when she\u2019s correcting him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Exactly \u2013 that\u2019s correct!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But children may try to equate the two at that point. That happened at your house?\u00a0 Yes, and here\u2019s where children may hear something like that at daycare, or at Sunday school, or who knows where from children.\u00a0 They go to some kind of boot camp I think sometimes to get this stuff where they get all this training, and they learn what works.\u00a0 I think what you have to do is step in with firmness, and say, \u201cNo, this is not the same sweetheart.\u201d\u00a0 We have two different approaches \u2013 you\u2019re trying to really bring hurt as Barbara said to another person to get even or to bring the other person down \u2013 I\u2019m trying to lift you up, I\u2019m trying to train you to become a mature person, and know how to get along with people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In fact don\u2019t you think you can say you were angry with your brother weren\u2019t you when you were hitting him?\u00a0 And the child will say yes. Mommy\u2019s not angry with you, but Mommy\u2019s trying to help you see you can\u2019t do this.\u00a0 So, you point out to the child what\u2019s different.\u00a0 So, that may be the way to solve that problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, because we\u2019re trying to correct the attitude of their heart, not just their behavior.\u00a0 The attitude of the child\u2019s heart who is hitting is to hurt, and to cause harm whereas the parent\u2019s heart is one of love, and to provide correction.\u00a0 So, when you are disciplining your child with spanking you point out the attitude of the heart the child\u2019s having not just the action in which he is expressing it.\u00a0 Then you communicate that you\u2019re doing this out of love, and that\u2019s a great contrast that they can see because they know it\u2019s true.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>All right let\u2019s take a question right up here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I had a question that was on top of another question about how much pain do you give a child when they\u2019re being spanked.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t give them enough pain, do you redo the spanking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The answer is yes you do, because it will not do any good if he does not feel pain in association with the spanking because it\u2019s the pain in association with the spanking.\u00a0 As you talk to him about what he did wrong, it\u2019s going to motivate him to not want to do that again.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had that happen with our children.\u00a0 One particular instance that I remember is when I spanked one of our children, and they got up after it was over, and stood in front of me, and said, \u201cWell, that didn\u2019t hurt, and I\u2019m not going to cry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I knew it hurt because you could kind of see the tears in the eyes, but they were determined that they were going to be more powerful than Mom.\u00a0 I said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry it has to hurt, so we\u2019ll have to do it again.\u201d\u00a0 They kind of went \u2013 oh, that didn\u2019t work!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought they were smarter.\u00a0 So, yes you may have to redo it because some children are more stubborn, and want to have the upper hand more than others.\u00a0 So much of spanking, and administering discipline\u2014there\u2019s so many variables in a child\u2019s personality, and their innate sensitivity are just two of those that make it sometimes more difficult with one child than it is with another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Let\u2019s take one more question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the assumptions was:\u00a0 Discipline should include spanking as an option.\u00a0 I\u2019m wondering at what point does that assumption go away?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You talking about what age?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Question:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What age?\u00a0 Is there an age at which I should no longer spank my child?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 Here\u2019s how I would answer the question:\u00a0 I know experts who say you shouldn\u2019t spank after eight.\u00a0 Others may have a little longer than that \u2013 a little older.\u00a0 But, in our family it wasn\u2019t the age, it was the heart because that\u2019s what you\u2019re addressing with the child.\u00a0 I think we spanked everyone of our children one time too many, and we knew that they were too big to spank.\u00a0 You just knew at the point when you finished the spanking that\u2019s it \u2013 there\u2019s no more of that with this child.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain it wasn\u2019t so much related to the age as it was the maturity of the child, the responsiveness of the child, how they received it, your relationship with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But you might spank a 12 year old?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Might \u2013 just depends!\u00a0 I think so much of it depends on the child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>14 \u2013 15?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, I don\u2019t think we ever went past 12!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, let me stop you.\u00a0 I could tell you famous people who got spankings at 16 years of age.\u00a0 Okay, I personally was spanked at 12.\u00a0 I went crawdad fishing across town on my bike; I didn\u2019t come back at 3:00 as I was told to \u2013 my Mom made it very clear.\u00a0 I came back at 4, and I got a spanking that I\u2019ve never forgotten.\u00a0 But I would not put an age on it like that.\u00a0 I think as you approach the age of eight just because of wise counselors that are out there I think you need to begin to measure, and monitor it, and see what does work.\u00a0 Somebody in this group will have a child where you will spank beyond the age of eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe experts aren\u2019t the ones who\u2019ve been given your children to raise.\u00a0 You must choose what you believe as a couple, and stick to it.\u00a0 I just want to give you the confidence:\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to have a PHD; you don\u2019t have to have written books.\u00a0 You need to listen to God, follow the scriptures, and prayerfully be obedient to Him as you go through the process of being a parent.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know one of the great things about spending time with these young couples on the day that we produced these DVD\u2019s on early childhood discipline we had the opportunity to interact like you just heard.\u00a0 To do the Q and A, and to hear the issues that these young parents had as they seek to raise their toddlers.\u00a0 We\u2019ve only been able to listen today to a portion of what was the second session in the multi-part DVD series that our team has put together on early childhood discipline.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s called:\u00a0 <em>Right From the Start.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s available now for use with small groups, in a church setting, or you can use it just as a Mom and a Dad:\u00a0 Sit down, and watch, and listen as Dennis and Barbara unpack what the scriptures teach us about how we are to train up our children.\u00a0 Go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com and the information you need is available there on the <em>Right From the Start <\/em>DVD series with Dennis and Barbara Rainey talking about the subject of early childhood discipline.\u00a0 Again the series is called:\u00a0 <em>Right From the Start <\/em>\u2013 the information is on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com \u2013 again it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also call if you\u2019d like more information, or if you\u2019d like to place an order over the phone 800 FLTODAY is the number \u2013 1-800 \u2013 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you get in touch with us someone on our team can answer any questions you have about this series, about the workbooks that come along with it, or you can place an order right over the phone if you\u2019d like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I think most of our regular listeners are aware of this, but if you\u2019re new to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> you may not realize that this daily radio program is listener supported.\u00a0 If it weren\u2019t for folks who not only listen, but who go on-line or give us a call to make donations to help the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>we could not continue on our network of stations all across the country, with our website FamilyLifeToday.com \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re a non-profit organization so it really is your donations that keep us on the air not only here but throughout the country, and in some settings over seas as well.\u00a0 We appreciate your financial support.\u00a0 This month if you\u2019re able to make a donation of any amount for the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>we\u2019d like to say thank you.\u00a0 To do that we have an audio book that we want to make available to you:\u00a0 It\u2019s the audio version of Barbara Rainey\u2019s book <em>Thanksgiving:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Time to Remember<\/em>.\u00a0 We have heard from many of our listeners over the last several years who have enjoyed not only the book but this audio book that is read by a dramatic actor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s sound effects, and sound designed to go along with it so that as you\u2019re listening to the book the story of Thanksgiving is coming alive for you, and your family.\u00a0 Again the <em>Thanksgiving:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>A Time to Remember<\/em> audio book is our way of saying thank you this month when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 You can do that on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com \u2013 if you are on-line, and you\u2019re filling out the donation form type the word Thanksgiving in the key code box that you see on the donation form, and that will alert us to the fact that you\u2019d like to receive the Thanksgiving CD\u2019s.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr, you can make your donation by phone \u2013 1-800-FLTODAY is the number 800- F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you make your donation over the phone, just make sure to ask for the Thanksgiving audio book, and again we\u2019re happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 We very much appreciate your financial partnership with this ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we\u2019re going to continue our look at early childhood discipline with Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to look at the subject of corporal punishment, and we\u2019ll have more time to interact with the couples who were part of the audience on the day that we produced this series.\u00a0 Hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301905","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301905"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301905"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301905"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301905"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301905"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301905"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301905"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}