{"id":301902,"date":"2009-10-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-08T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-prayers-of-a-helpless-parent\/"},"modified":"2009-10-08T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-10-08T15:00:00","slug":"the-prayers-of-a-helpless-parent","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-prayers-of-a-helpless-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"The Prayers of a Helpless Parent"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes when all your safety nets are broken you have no choice but to fall into the arms of God.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-08.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.45M","filesize_raw":"12005835","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[7679],"cwp_profile":[9178],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301902","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-parent-fuel-for-the-fire-inside-our-kids","cwp_profile-barry-st-clair","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301902\/the-prayers-of-a-helpless-parent","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301902\/the-prayers-of-a-helpless-parent","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"TYoozXCUWs\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-prayers-of-a-helpless-parent\/\">The Prayers of a Helpless Parent<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-prayers-of-a-helpless-parent\/embed\/#?secret=TYoozXCUWs\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Prayers of a Helpless Parent&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"TYoozXCUWs\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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God.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry St. Clair<\/strong>:\u00a0 Carol was a lover, a nurturer she had invested her life in her kids.\u00a0 It\u2019s like Carol would be the sort of ideal mom in my picture of things.\u00a0 Really, from the time we discovered that she was ill, till the time she died, was a four month period of time.\u00a0 So in August, 1998 she passed away and then when she was gone it was a huge, huge gaping hole in our family.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 8<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 You can learn a lot about parenting when all of a sudden the full responsibility for raising the next generation rests with you.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear about that today from Barry St. Clair.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been thinking about the subject we\u2019re dealing with this week, this whole issue of parenting and it would be a lot easier if our life was all together, perfectly wired but when you bring your own stuff or your own junk, your own issues, your own life challenges to bear on the parenting process it makes being a parent that much more challenging and the guest we have with us this week knows a little bit about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarry St. Clair is joining us and Barry has worked with youth for more than 30 years.\u00a0 In fact he is the founder and president of Reach Out Youth Solutions.\u00a0 He and his wife Lawanna live near Atlanta, Georgia and they have nine children.\u00a0 We should explain the nine children.\u00a0 You and your late wife Carol had four children, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes and when I remarried and married Lawanna she had one child, put those together and that makes five.\u00a0 Four of those five have spouses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And you\u2019re counting the spouses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019re counting the spouses as children because they really are and then we\u2019ve got one who is not married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They\u2019re grafted in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Grafted in to the tree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve written a book called <em>Parent Fuel<\/em> and really from a context standpoint I want to go back to your first wife and have you share how that relationship came about and then what happened years later.\u00a0 How did you meet?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Carol and I met in the library at graduate school.\u00a0 I walked in there she was with another guy and I looked at her and I said that\u2019s the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I need to meet her.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what the status of that guy is, but I need to meet her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You need to move him out of the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 So I went back in the stacks of the library, looked through to see if she was as beautiful as I thought she was at first glance and if she had a wedding ring on or if this guy was just sort of a peripheral.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If he was on the hunt, in other words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Being brash as I could be I went out and started talking to him, he introduced me to her whatever happened to him I don\u2019t know or care but I ended up marrying this girl nine months later.\u00a0 Carol and I were married for twenty-eight years.\u00a0 It was wonderful.\u00a0 We had our ups and downs.\u00a0 We were like any other couple we would struggle through things and we were trying to figure out who we were and what we were doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Along the way you had three boys and a girl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, we had a boy, then a girl, then a boy, then a girl.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 All right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 And Jenny our last one, was nine years younger than the next youngest child, so \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 so is it fair to ask the question about Jenny?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes!\u00a0 What\u2019s the question?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Was she a surprise?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, she was just long prayed for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(Laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you were married for more than twenty-five years and your wife experienced excellent health, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and then she became ill and really to make a longer story short, from the time we discovered that she was ill, till the time she died was a four month period of time.\u00a0 So in August 1998 she passed away.\u00a0 And when she did, then that brought a whole set of issues to our family, really what I would call a tragic unraveling and it was a difficult time for all of us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCarol was a lover, a nurturer she had invested her life in her kids, it\u2019s like Carol would be the sort of ideal mom in my picture of things.\u00a0 She was the ideal mom, her kids would say that to this day she invested in them and then when she was gone it was a huge, huge gaping hole in our family.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here she is your life partner though, for close to twenty-eight years at that point.\u00a0 And you\u2019re in a doctor\u2019s office.\u00a0 Were you anticipating the diagnosis that you received?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, and when you get into that then you\u2019re in to this medical maze.\u00a0 So what seems to be something that is just routine becomes larger, but you really don\u2019t know what it is especially with this because part of her problem was an autoimmune disease.\u00a0 And really until the Friday before she died on a Sunday, we didn\u2019t really know that she was going to die.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 We didn\u2019t have much time at the end to prepare there.\u00a0\u00a0 I called all the kids; they came in on that Saturday.\u00a0 We spent Saturday together, Sunday together, Sunday afternoon she was gone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So it was Friday that the doctor said we don\u2019t know what to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Quick.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s stunning to even imagine and to gather, not just for you as a husband, but you\u2019re trying to lead a family.\u00a0 You\u2019re trying to lead kids in this process, too, while you\u2019re dealing with it yourself.\u00a0 What were those forty-eight hours like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well the picture that comes to my mind is after Carol died, we are still in the hospital and all of my kids and I are crumpled on the floor crying on top of each other.\u00a0 That\u2019s what that was like.\u00a0 So somebody says, \u201cOh, I just couldn\u2019t do that; I don\u2019t know what I would do.\u201d\u00a0 Well, you don\u2019t know what you would do, but by the grace of God He gives you what you need to pick up the pieces, get up off the hospital room floor and take the next step.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barry, it\u2019s because in the last couple of years we\u2019ve not experienced the loss of a spouse, we\u2019ve experienced the loss of a baby.\u00a0 A grandbaby.\u00a0 I know a little bit of the power of a family in those moments.\u00a0 Those last forty-eight hours, how did you see your family come around her?\u00a0 And honor her life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 We gathered there at the hospital and one of the things that I wish had happened that didn\u2019t happen was that we would have had time, but when people found out about this, it was just a ground swell of people who were all around us and we really never had the opportunity to say goodbye.\u00a0 It was Friday and the doctor said she\u2019s going to die Sunday afternoon, we didn\u2019t know how much time we had, we just knew it wasn\u2019t long.\u00a0 So here we were, people coming in, people coming in and probably if I was doing it again, I would have arranged that a little differently, but at the time I had no idea.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter that we were torn to shreds shall we say.\u00a0 At the same time I was just crying and crying myself and I remember being in the phone booth and calling Carol\u2019s parents and telling them and just expressing to my son the regrets I had about some of those hours before and what I would have done.\u00a0 He says, \u201cDad, we\u2019re not going to live with regrets.\u201d\u00a0 That was a powerful thing from the son to a father.\u00a0 He said, \u201cDad we\u2019re not going to do that.\u201d\u00a0 So really he picked up the ball at that point and just really ministered to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When the doctors said on that Friday afternoon, there\u2019s nothing more we can do, did Carol have an opportunity to really say goodbye to you and to the kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 She did, sort of.\u00a0 But again with all these people and not knowing that she was, when she was going to die, you know the kids were in, they were around, they were with her, but not to come in to say ok, I\u2019m going to die here in thirty minutes and now we\u2019re going to have this time to say goodbye to everybody.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ve been talking this week about parenting really, and about parents having the right goal, the right objectives, the right strategies in place, being pointed at the right stuff.\u00a0 In moments like this in the life of a family, this is where what you\u2019re really made of comes to the surface.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, you have been talking about parents having a purpose.\u00a0 In those moments the purpose gets real focused and real clear doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you love Jesus is the purpose.\u00a0 Do I love Jesus with all my heart?\u00a0 As a parent I\u2019ve got to answer that question to go back to what we had said before.\u00a0 At that moment in that time everything that you\u2019ve ever done to invest in that relationship yourself with God and everything you\u2019ve ever done to invest in your kids at that time that\u2019s the time where it just all fleshes itself out in reality.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re numb, you\u2019re grieving, you hate the circumstances, you would give anything to change it, but you say, God, I know you love me and I can trust myself to you.\u00a0 I walked away from that experience with two very clear theological truths grounded inside of me that I didn\u2019t even know were there before.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey were there but I, they had never surfaced in my mind before, but I walked away from that whole experience, you ask all the why questions, you wonder about God, what\u2019s He thinking.\u00a0 God, why in the world would you leave me with this ten year-old daughter and why in the world would you leave a ten year-old girl without a mother to bring her up in adolescence?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere are the two truths; God is great.\u00a0 God is good.\u00a0 It goes back to that little blessing that you say around the table when you are a kid.\u00a0 God is great.\u00a0 His greatness is unsearchable.\u00a0 God\u2019s great.\u00a0 God\u2019s good.\u00a0 The Lord is gracious and merciful, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness He has compassion on all he has made and He is good to all.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And to that point in a time of crisis we all fall back upon that which we\u2019ve been trained to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you don\u2019t have that resource under you at that moment you can\u2019t create it.\u00a0 You either have it or you don\u2019t have it at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No doubt about it.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m going to ask you a tough question because I\u2019m going to ask you to go back into the past around someone that you loved profoundly and deeply and to summarize in your twenty-eight years that you operated together as a team and as you raised children, what would you say you and Carol did best?\u00a0 Where did you really win as a team and as parents?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 In one sentence, we put Jesus at the head of the table.\u00a0 In fact, at our house in the chaos of having six people around the table.\u00a0 We sat around this old wooden table that was stained and had black legs and it was a mess.\u00a0 It was all we could afford and that was really the gathering place for our family and it was clear to everyone that Jesus was the center there.\u00a0 He was at the head of the table.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe expressed that in giving thanks, we expressed that in the discussions we had around that table.\u00a0 We reflected that in everything that happened around there in terms of the laughter, the conversation, the Bible memory, the Bible discussions, the prayers we had, the issues we were struggling with, the things we brought to that table, around that table, that was sort of the expression of that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Carol had died your North star as a parent didn\u2019t change, but how that got lived out and expressed, I mean your circumstances had changed.\u00a0 How was your parenting different six months after Carol had died than it had been six months before she had died?\u00a0 Or was it different?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 We were sitting in the back seat of the car, the funeral car, going from the funeral and Jenny and I were in the back seat, Jenny was ten and Jenny said to me, \u201cDad, what can you cook?\u201d And that was sort of the beginning of my new life.\u00a0 I could cook nothing.\u00a0 It was great if I could get a bowl of cereal on the table, so we started into that and we began to figure out what we were doing in life together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Father and Daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Father and daughter, single dad.\u00a0 Jenny and I began to just do life together and as we walked together.\u00a0 Before Carol had been the nurturer and she had done ten thousand things every day, to nurture the kids, all of a sudden now, and she did another ten thousand to take care of me it seemed like, and now all of a sudden, that whole support system was gone and the thing with the kids is gone.\u00a0 Three of the older kids were out of the house, but here was Jenny and I was responsible for her, and what changed about my parenting was that I really focused in on her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd she focused in on me and the two of us knew we had each other and that was what we had and we were going to survive this class seven rapids together, and so there we went.\u00a0 And so what we began to do was just really spend time, I took her with me everywhere and so we really during that year and a half, two year period of time, we really bonded closely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So relationship as much as anything else is what changed.\u00a0 You drew closer to her as she drew closer to you probably than you ever would have because it was just the two of you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 How about with the kids who were already grown and out on their own.\u00a0 Did your parenting with them change?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Probably if there was something that I was going to do differently from this point of view to there, I would have more clearly defined that.\u00a0 I\u2019d never really thought about this before, but when your kids leave you sort of have to redefine them as adults now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 So they left and their mother died.\u00a0 That\u2019s an overgeneralization there, but you get the idea.\u00a0 And when their mother died and they were adults, I didn\u2019t really make that transition with the older ones the way I could have or would if I was looking back on it and doing it again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You kind of figured they\u2019re adults, they\u2019re just going to have to deal with this on their own, rather than going I\u2019m they\u2019re dad, I need to lead them in this process?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, it wasn\u2019t like I abandoned them or anything, I mean we were close, we stayed in touch, but they were all in other cities and other places and they had their own lives and so how much do I infringe on that with a newly married couple and how much do I then step back and let them leave and cleave and do the things that their supposed to do as a adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And of course you\u2019re processing your own grief at the same time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 And down here at another level you\u2019ve got this whole grief thing going on and so how do you mix all that together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You lost your life partner.\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting, Barry, listening to you talk, I think the thing that we underestimate in situations like this is how God still cares for us as helpless parents.\u00a0 All my parenting years I have embraced a very simple prayer, it\u2019s the prayer of the helpless parent.\u00a0 Just crying out to God, saying, \u201cGod, I don\u2019t know what to do, I need your help.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we underestimate how the Holy Spirit, even in a situation that is a crisis like yours where you\u2019ve lost your life partner, you\u2019ve lost the mother of your children, everything is up for redefinition.\u00a0 Your soul is now been scarred and you\u2019ve got a wound, an open wound.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Holy Spirit who is the third member of the trinity does exist.\u00a0 He does speak to us.\u00a0 He does teach us through the word, through the scriptures.\u00a0 He brings people into our paths that minister to us and they can be gifts to us.\u00a0 Now we\u2019ve only got just a few moments, but he brought someone to you who did that for you didn\u2019t He?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and to set the context for that, in those single days, when I was a single dad, I was so helpless according to your prayer that you mentioned there a moment ago, that there were days I couldn\u2019t even get out of bed and it was like the grace of God would pick me up and move me through a day and that\u2019s really the only way I got through that day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn an amazing turn of events, the Lord brought a beautiful, beautiful woman into my life.\u00a0 I had my long time friend, Dave Busby, the oldest living cystic fibrosis patient in American had died in December of 1997.\u00a0 I was actually supposed to be at his funeral and speak there, but couldn\u2019t because of some illness that Carol was experiencing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCarol died in August of 1998.\u00a0 About a year later, Lawanna became a significant part of my life through actually sharing a book on grief that she had read that meant a whole lot to me.\u00a0 In the process of discussing that and talking about it, emailing back and forth between Minneapolis and Atlanta, we really fell in love and the Lord just bonded our hearts together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost people never have the opportunity to love once, I say it this way, I have had the opportunity to love twice.\u00a0 It\u2019s an amazing, amazing gift and the bonus to that was; now there is a female on the scene to be able to help raise this adolescent daughter that I was giving my best shot at raising.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barry, as I hear you share that story, I have to smile and go isn\u2019t it interesting, how your paths intertwined with this youth speaker years and years before and his passing away, your wife\u2019s passing away, and his widow wanting to minister to you.\u00a0 Really with not having ulterior motives, she wasn\u2019t pursuing you in a relationship was she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, in fact interestingly eight years before that I had begun to pray for David who was slowly dying of Cystic Fibrosis.\u00a0 He\u2019s the only person outside my family that I ever prayed for on a daily basis.\u00a0 Never knowing that when he died I would marry his widow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 God is good.\u00a0 And God is great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 The reality is that we\u2019re going to face a variety of challenges.\u00a0 We don\u2019t know what they\u2019re going to be, you didn\u2019t know this was coming for you, but as we try to raise our kids, there are going to be curve balls coming right and left and there are going to be job disruptions or there are going to be challenges financially, or there are going to be depression or grief or loss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I mean we\u2019re going to do life and in the middle of it try to raise kids who are healthy and who love Christ.\u00a0 If we are going to do that, we need help, we need community, we need others around us who can cheer us on, we need wisdom that the scriptures give us.\u00a0 And I think we need help from resources like the book that you\u2019ve created called, <em>Parent Fuel<\/em>, which we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> resource center.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur listeners can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the book, <em>Parent Fuel. <\/em>\u00a0Let me also mention there is a video curriculum that goes with this book, so if you\u2019re small group wants to go through the material, if you want to use this in your church.\u00a0 All of the information is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0\u00a0 Look for the information about <em>Parent Fuel<\/em> by Barry St. Clair.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr if it\u2019s easier call 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Give us a call and someone on the team can answer any questions you have or make arrangements to have the resources you need sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me say a quick word of thanks here to those listeners who from time to time get in touch with us to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we are non-profit, we are listener supported. It\u2019s donations from folks like you that cover the costs of syndication and distribution for this daily radio program.\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we are on the subject of parenting today, if you able to help with a donation of any amount right now to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d like to say thank you by sending you a two CD series conversation we had with Dr. Tim Kimmel author of the book <em>Grace Based Parenting<\/em>, how do we apply our understanding of the biblical concept of grace to our assignment as parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis two CD series is our gift to you this month if you are able to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 If you make your donation online you\u2019ll come to a key code box on the donation form, type the word \u201cPARENT\u201d in that box and we\u2019ll know to send the two CDs of our conversation with Tim Kimmel or call toll-free 1-800-FL0-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Make your donation over the phone and just mention that you\u2019d like a copy of the two CDs about parenting.\u00a0 Again we\u2019re happy to send them out to you and we do appreciate your financial support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we\u2019re going to be back to talk more with Barry St. Clair and we\u2019re going to hear how he navigated his way through some challenges he experienced with one of his teenagers.\u00a0 I hope you can tune in for that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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