{"id":301901,"date":"2009-10-07T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-07T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/helping-your-children-love-jesus-more\/"},"modified":"2009-10-07T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-10-07T15:00:00","slug":"helping-your-children-love-jesus-more","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/helping-your-children-love-jesus-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Your Children Love Jesus More"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you worried your children won&#8217;t turn out right?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"12.04M","filesize_raw":"12620487","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[7679],"cwp_profile":[9178],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301901","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-parent-fuel-for-the-fire-inside-our-kids","cwp_profile-barry-st-clair","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301901\/helping-your-children-love-jesus-more","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301901\/helping-your-children-love-jesus-more","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"QbxcnJpC4G\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/helping-your-children-love-jesus-more\/\">Helping Your Children Love Jesus More<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/helping-your-children-love-jesus-more\/embed\/#?secret=QbxcnJpC4G\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Helping Your Children Love Jesus More&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"QbxcnJpC4G\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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right?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-10-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The problem is that at the core level most parents have never identified what is really at the heart of what their parenting purpose is.\u00a0 Therefore as a result of that all of these things that are the normal day-to-day life things don\u2019t get impacted by that core purpose.\u00a0 So, it\u2019s just stuff that\u2019s going on out here with no real connector at the core.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, October 7.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk today about what is at the heart \u2013 what is the very core of our assignment as parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us.\u00a0 If I took you back to elementary school \u2013 you remember when the teacher taught you the three things necessary to make a fire \u2013 do you remember this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t \u2013 elementary school was a painful experience for me.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been trying to erase it from my psyche.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let\u2019s see if you can pull them up right now okay?\u00a0 The three things if you want to build a fire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have to have oxygen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oxygen is one \u2013 that\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Fuel!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Fuel is number two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then you have to have fire \u2013 you have to have spark!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You\u2019ve got to have spark, or heat in order.\u00a0 So, it\u2019s oxygen, fuel, and spark.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to see if we can light a little fire under some parents today, and we brought the fuel to do it.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Bob, you are brilliant!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How about that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are brilliant.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you very much!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The name of this book is <em>Parent Fuel <\/em>by Dr. Barry St. Clair, and he joins us on the broadcast today.\u00a0 Barry- welcome!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m glad to be here Bob.\u00a0 That was amazing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you \u2013 high five right there \u2013 thank you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now for many of our listeners they\u2019re going to know Barry around youth ministry, and working with high school, junior high students which he\u2019s been doing since 1976.\u00a0 He\u2019s helped youth in over 30 countries around the world.\u00a0 I think some of the more interesting things about Barry however, probably aren\u2019t known to our audience.\u00a0 He has run the Boston Marathon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh my goodness!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now, what was your time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Two hours and 56 minutes!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Seriously \u2013 you broke three hours?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>High five again on that!\u00a0 Way to go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How old were you when you did that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I was about 40.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s pretty stout.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I couldn\u2019t break eight hours now!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Pretty impressive \u2013 pretty impressive!\u00a0 He has played college basketball, and started to work with youth not long after graduation as I did as well.\u00a0 Barry stuck with it, and not only worked with youth right out of college but also founded The National Network of Youth Ministries which is a group of about 80 different organizations that have really banded together to help youth pastors all across the country.\u00a0 He\u2019s now formed a new ministry called:\u00a0 Reach Out Youth Solutions, which is all about equipping parents, and churches, and youth, and helping the next generation thrive spiritually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0He and his wife Lawanna live near Atlanta, Georgia.\u00a0 The thing you need to know about Barry that is unique as a parent he has been a parent of a nuclear family as we know it with his first wife who he was married to for 28 years until her death.\u00a0 You had four children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Then you were a single parent after that for a couple of years, and then married Lawanna so you have a blended family.\u00a0 So, you\u2019ve experienced really all forms of being a parent right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I would have never invited that into my life in my wildest dreams.\u00a0 I thought when I married Carol that was it, we\u2019d live together forever \u2013 it didn\u2019t happen that way in God\u2019s providence.\u00a0 Then I had the amazing experience of being a single Dad, and then the very complicating experience of blending a family.\u00a0 Now we have a total of nine kids, nine grandkids, and two more on the way, so soon to be 11 grandchildren.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\u00a0Your book is really just chock full of practical ways parents can build into the next generation, but one of the things I found as a great big idea just to get into it a bit is:\u00a0 You say parents today are asking the wrong question.\u00a0 It\u2019s not about helping your child succeed, so what is the right question?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Most parents are asking how do I help my kids turn out right?\u00a0 That\u2019s a performance, and achievement question that leads kids toward external motivation.\u00a0 What we are really looking for\u2013the right question is:\u00a0 How do I help my children love Jesus more?\u00a0 This is an internal motivation question.\u00a0 So, when you climb up the ladder over here on the achievement\u2013 performance ladder what you get is kids that are insecure, building their self image on other people\u2019s approval, and those kinds of things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you are over here with your ladder against the right wall asking the right question, the result is that kids know that they are embraced by God, they have a sense of their own identity, and with that sense of identity they have a compassion, and ability to love both God, and the people around them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know it\u2019s a pretty amazing eighth grader though who can stop, and say my motivation is really to love Jesus as much as I can in every way that I can, because the eighth grade environment is all one about acceptance, or rejection, fitting in, or not fitting in, figuring out who you are.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean as kids are going through adolescence, all of this stuff is swirling around in their brain:\u00a0 To stop and say well loving Jesus, that\u2019s what really matters most to me, and all the other kids at school are going to say, well that makes you weird and outside the group, and not fitting in that\u2019s a hard place for a 14 year old to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is a very hard place for any kid to be \u2013 while they are in adolescence from 12 to 20, or beyond.\u00a0 But I think the key issue there is the issue of identity.\u00a0 In fact I would say as a youth leader over these 30 years, the number one question that we\u2019re trying to help kids answer is:\u00a0 Who am I?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOnce that\u2019s established, then that identity is built, and kids know they\u2019re loved, they know their parents are around them to support them, and encourage them, they know that they have some security in that.\u00a0 They know who they are in Christ.\u00a0 They can build a foundation on that.\u00a0 Even though as an eighth grader they may be getting some abuse from the outside, or not know what to say in response to that, or whatever, they still have that core identity that\u2019s going to carry them through, and get them past all the nicks that they\u2019re going to get from people around them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>To Bob\u2019s point though \u2013 the eighth grader \u2013 it\u2019s going to take him a few years to get it regardless.\u00a0 You\u2019re really pressing the parent to know what the right question is, know how to answer the question, and equip them to be able to do that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If the parent doesn\u2019t understand what the right question is certainly kids are not going to understand what the right question is.\u00a0 So, it\u2019s incumbent on the parents to really enter into that with their own kids knowing what their own parenting agenda is going to be, what their parenting purpose is, what their vision is for parenting, and those kinds of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you think most parents today have the wrong question on their lips or the wrong objective on their minds?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I don\u2019t want to say most parents.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure what the percentage would be, but in my experience in interacting with parents, most of them are asking the achievement question.\u00a0 Most of them are not asking the how do I help my kids love Jesus more question \u2013 which is the internal, spiritual formation question.\u00a0 Even if they\u2019re asking that question, most of them don\u2019t know what to do in response to it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, I just reflect back on our parenting years we took sixth through adolescents, and having the right questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And you survived!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I did \u2013 I did!\u00a0 I wondered at points if we were going do that by the way, because honestly they were the most challenging years of all of parenting.\u00a0 I mean you\u2019re fighting the culture, you\u2019re fighting peer pressure, you\u2019re fighting as you said, their own insecurity.\u00a0 In the process, you\u2019re trying to help them answer this question internally, and yet as parents you have your own stuff going on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have your own marriage you\u2019re trying to make effective, and make successful, and make it work the way God designed it.\u00a0 Yet parents, and you mentioned this in your book \u2013 parents have what you call black holes, failures, just things that they step into all the time as they\u2019re attempting to raise their children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShare with our listeners just a few of the mistakes that parents make, and don\u2019t take a long time on them, because I think we\u2019re aware that we\u2019re not doing it, but I think there\u2019s some instruction here.\u00a0 I think parents do a lot of beating themselves up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, and they feel guilty about it, and as a result of that they get paralyzed in their ability then to say, I know what my purpose is.\u00a0 I know what I\u2019ve done in the past.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m not a perfect parent.\u00a0 At the same time I have to move toward that purpose, and leave the guilt behind.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s a huge challenge for parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMost parents have not given thought to their parenting purpose.\u00a0 They\u2019re doing the carpool run here, go there \u2013 especially if you have adolescent kids, you\u2019re trying to now figure out how do we deal with all the cultural stuff, and the music, and the drugs, and the boyfriend, and all this, without ever really having that sort of central core value\u2014that central core purpose that would drive you there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You\u2019re really talking about not playing defense, but knowing where you\u2019re going, and how you\u2019re going to take your child there.\u00a0 To that point I would have to say a lot of parenting feels very defensive.\u00a0 You know, around dating, drugs, alcohol, pornography, movies, dress \u2013 I mean it\u2019s just coming at you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>George Barna points out in his book that parents are in a place where really because of that they\u2019re desperate, they lack confidence, they\u2019re not sure what they\u2019re supposed to do, and they turn their parenting responsibilities over to others.\u00a0 Which then removes them from the equation in terms of raising up as he calls them spiritual champions.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s a very good point to make because what we want to do is be right in the middle of helping our kids become spiritually mature as opposed to removing ourselves from that mix.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m just reflecting as you\u2019re talking, because I\u2019m still in the thick of this with kids at home.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking a lot of my parenting \u2013 you described it as defensive.\u00a0 Well, one of my jobs is to protect my kids.\u00a0 That kind of goes with the territory \u2013 maybe it\u2019s not the primary job, but if I\u2019m not doing that then they\u2019re either getting physically harmed, or emotionally harmed \u2013 spiritually harmed.\u00a0 So, I feel like I have to be a protector.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I want them to get a good education, get a good job, get married:\u00a0 Kind of the normal societal stuff.\u00a0 You\u2019re not saying that those are things that we need to push off the table, and ignore?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, you can\u2019t push those things off the table.\u00a0 That\u2019s a part of life and doing life.\u00a0 The problem is that at the core level most parents have never identified what is really at the heart of what their parenting purpose is.\u00a0 Therefore, as a result of that, all of these things that are the normal day-to-day life things don\u2019t get impacted by that core purpose.\u00a0 So, it\u2019s just stuff that\u2019s going on out here with no real connector at the core.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Does the Bible give us a specific purpose?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No question about it!\u00a0 You go over to Deuteronomy 6, and Moses is giving this electrifying speech to about a million people at the end of his life saying the most important thing he has ever said, and he says, \u201cLove God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he says, \u201cThese commands that you\u2019ve heard today impress these on your children.\u201d\u00a0 In other words they have to be a part of your life before they can be a part of their lives.\u00a0 Then he says, \u201cWhen you talk, when you walk, when you sit around the house, and so forth, talk about this stuff 24-7.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So, really the whole point of the parent fuel experience here is that we help parents; we equip parents to love God with all their hearts, and to lead their kids to do the same.\u00a0 So, the parenting purpose then would be as a parent I\u2019m going to enter in to this passionate pursuit of following Jesus, and I\u2019m going to let that be the driving core force of my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, if I\u2019m a parent, and I\u2019m thinking okay that\u2019s my North star, I want to do that with my kids so I\u2019m going to make sure that I take them to Sunday school, that I have them in Awana, that we\u2019re memorizing some verses, and we\u2019re doing bedtime prayers. I\u2019m reading them Bible stories \u2013 am I covering it?\u00a0 Am I doing the stuff I need to be doing if I\u2019m doing that with that as my North Star?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those things are nice, but those things are not the heart of it because when you get past all those activities, and those kinds of things there\u2019s more to it than that.\u00a0 There\u2019s a deeper thing that has to happen with your kids in terms of being a bridge \u2013 a relational bridge.\u00a0 Then we move toward understanding our kid\u2019s hearts, and helping them understand their own hearts, and then helping them to connect with God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that I take really as a parent \u2013 I\u2019m saying, \u201cIf I love God with all my heart, then I\u2019m willing to accept my responsibility, and the privilege of entering into the spiritual formation of my children.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s going to be the primary core thing \u2013 it\u2019s not the only thing but everything else around it is affected when I make that choice to say, \u201cI\u2019m going to love God with all my heart.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Those activities Bob was talking about may be a part of helping create a heart transplant where you\u2019re giving them all the nutrients, and the ingredients to grow that heart, so their heart singularly devotes itself to God.\u00a0 Right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When you\u2019re entering into this whole world of parenting:\u00a0 As a lot of people who are listening they\u2019re right there \u2013 we need all the help we can get!\u00a0 So, Awana is a really good thing, and Sunday school is a really good thing \u2013 so we want to build this sort of \u2013 the way I describe it is a net underneath, and around our family.\u00a0 But, the net is not the core \u2013 the core is the family. The net around it is the supporting structures that help us to build an environment around our family that helps us to get there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>If the parents don\u2019t have the real disease it\u2019s going to be very difficult to make that heart transplant from my heart to their heart.\u00a0 Not that you can guarantee that they\u2019re going to necessarily accept your heart transplant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, but if you don\u2019t have the real disease you\u2019re not contagious, and if you\u2019re not contagious nobody\u2019s going to catch it from you, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When you do that with your kids \u2013 when you don\u2019t have that disease then you actually \u2013 all the studies show that you are doing more harm than if you didn\u2019t even make a profession toward that.\u00a0 If you just weren\u2019t even going to church on a Sunday morning, and living in another way the rest of the week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Hypocrisy is worse than just living authentically before your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s especially a word that for this generation of young people who are coming up out of the church \u2013 it\u2019s a big deal to them.\u00a0 They want authenticity.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Authenticity \u2013 that\u2019s the word!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The interesting thing is it\u2019s not just this new generation that\u2019s coming up right now.\u00a0 I remember working with youth in Dallas, Texas in 1971, and I remember the young people who were surrounded by all the religious trappings.\u00a0 It was like someone had taken a syringe, and given them an inoculation against the real disease.\u00a0 They couldn\u2019t get it!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe kids who were in the secular schools who were mixing it up with their friends who weren\u2019t followers of Christ, and weren\u2019t committed to going to church those kids had to hammer out their faith in the midst of a hostile environment.\u00a0 In fact it made such an impression on me, that as Barbara and I started out our marriage together we started talking about kids.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked about how did we want to raise our children?\u00a0 We want to give them a war footing where their heart grows in the midst of hostility.\u00a0 Now, that might not be how God leads every parent.\u00a0 But, for us based on what we saw having worked with youth, we felt like it was important to equip our kids to live out that life in the midst of that culture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barry:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Authentically, and that\u2019s the key.\u00a0 What you just said there a moment ago.\u00a0 If there\u2019s not authenticity than not of that even makes any sense.\u00a0 So, when you think about it really though, it\u2019s not just that kids in this culture want authenticity.\u00a0 It\u2019s God Himself that wants authenticity.\u00a0 You know the sacrifice acceptable to the Lord is a broken spirit, and a broken and contrite heart He won\u2019t despise.\u00a0 When you look at that, He wants me to come to Him in honesty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Really, for parents \u2013 I found this over, and over again, I absolutely hate this, but I can\u2019t tell you the number of times I\u2019ve had to ask my kids forgiveness for something I\u2019ve done wrong.\u00a0 I never enjoy doing that ever, but what it brought was an admission that I am an imperfect parent, and that I didn\u2019t handle this particular situation correctly, and that I was wrong, and I\u2019m willing to take responsibility for that \u2013 that was authentic!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, to illustrate that for you: Just even the other day there were some things that God had shown me about myself in terms of the way I\u2019d responded to my son when over these last 10 years in this whole blending in the family thing.\u00a0 I was really in humility and tears laying this out before my son, and my daughter-in-law, and through tears saying to them, \u201cI am so sorry \u2013 I regret so much for the way this has hurt you, and the way that impacted you, and I take responsibility for that, and I ask your forgiveness for it.\u201d\u00a0 My son got off the chair walked over to this Dad with a tear running down his face, wrapped his arms around me, and just hugged me, and cried.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s authentic parenting right there, because it\u2019s heart to heart, being real, and you know whether we like it or not, some of our most authentic moments come when we admit our errors, and when we ask as you did for forgiveness.\u00a0 That\u2019s humility, that\u2019s a broken, and contrite heart, and it\u2019s clear in the Bible God blesses that, and He blesses those relationships, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think there are a couple of questions for reflection that come out of our conversation so far.\u00a0 We\u2019ve talked about whether you have the real disease, and I think for a parent to stop, and ask this question:\u00a0 If somebody went to my kids, and said:\u00a0 What matters most to your mom, and dad?\u00a0 Would your kids say:\u00a0 That\u2019s easy.\u00a0 God matters most to my mom and dad.\u00a0 That\u2019s the most important thing \u2013 that\u2019s easy - I don\u2019t even have to think about that!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr, would your kids have to think?\u00a0 Would that even be on the list they\u2019d come up with?\u00a0 If it\u2019s not the first thing that would come out of their mouth, then maybe you need to pull back, and say:\u00a0 What am I modeling for my kids?\u00a0 What are they seeing around my house?\u00a0 Then secondly, is teaching kids to love God what\u2019s really front and center of my agenda as I raise my kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Then, really taking both of those evaluations, and saying so, what?\u00a0 So, what am I going to do different?\u00a0 Am I just going to acknowledge it, and feel ashamed, feel guilty, and feel underperformance myself, and feel like a failure as a parent?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr, am I going to recalibrate, and establish a fresh North Star \u2013 a fresh purpose, and define that with my spouse, and begin to practically work that out in your relationship with your children, around the values of your family, around your schedule, around how you order your lives, and begin to reflect a heart that really does love God, and is passing that heart on to your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is where a mom, and a dad can come together.\u00a0 Maybe get a book like the book that Barry\u2019s written:\u00a0 <em>Parent Fuel, <\/em>or you actually have an entire video curriculum for small groups or for churches to use.\u00a0 Get a small group \u2013 get another group of parents together, go through the video curriculum together, and it helps get you on the same page:\u00a0 It at least gets you talking about the choices you\u2019re going to make so that as you said:\u00a0 You\u2019re in sync on this as parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of Barry\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>resource center.\u00a0 There\u2019s also information about the small group curriculum that is available as well.\u00a0 Again it\u2019s called <em>Parent Fuel,<\/em> and if you go to FamilyLifeToday.com the information you need about Barry\u2019s book, and about the video curriculum can be found there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also call toll-free at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u00a0 - 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily,\u201d L as in \u201clife,\u201d and then the word TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to mention, I know Dennis:\u00a0 You and Barbara really took a hard look at the parenting challenges that exist in the teen years, and wrote a book called:\u00a0 <em>Parenting Today\u2019s Adolescent <\/em>that was designed to help all of us as parents navigate those challenging waters.\u00a0 We have that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>resource center as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about any of these resources, or call us toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY \u2013 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Someone on our team will be happy to help you with whatever resources you need, and make arrangements to get those sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile we are on the subject of parenting, Dennis you and I had a conversation a number of months ago with our friend Tim Kimmel about the whole issue of parenting\u2014really looking at it globally\u2014 understanding what our assignment is as parents, and understanding how parenting, and grace intersect.\u00a0 Of course that conversation was recorded!\u00a0 We have a two CD set called:\u00a0 <em>Grace Based Parenting, <\/em>and this month we want to make those two CD\u2019s available to any of our listeners who can help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>with a donation of any amount.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are listener supported.\u00a0 Your donations keep us on this station, and on our network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 They help underwrite the production, and syndication costs associated with this program.\u00a0 Again this month if you\u2019re able to make a donation of any amount, we want you to feel free to request a copy of the CD series:\u00a0 <em>Grace Based Parenting.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re donating online at FamilyLifeToday.com type the word \u201cPARENT\u201d in the key code box, and we\u2019ll know to send you these CD\u2019s.\u00a0 If you make your donation by phone:\u00a0 1-800-FLTODAY is the number.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter you\u2019ve made your donation, just mention that you\u2019d like the CD\u2019s on parenting we were talking about.\u00a0 Our team will know what you\u2019re talking about, and we\u2019ll be happy to send them to you.\u00a0 Let me just say:\u00a0 Thanks for your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We do appreciate your partnership with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow tomorrow we\u2019re going to be back to talk more about some of the unique challenges we face as parents, and we\u2019re going to talk about a particular challenge that Barry faced when unexpectedly he found himself a single parent.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301901","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301901"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301901"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301901"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301901"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301901"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301901"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301901"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}