{"id":301888,"date":"2009-09-04T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-09-04T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-gift-of-joy-accepting-what-god-has-given\/"},"modified":"2009-09-04T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-09-04T15:00:00","slug":"the-gift-of-joy-accepting-what-god-has-given","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-gift-of-joy-accepting-what-god-has-given\/","title":{"rendered":"The Gift of Joy: Accepting What God Has Given"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>How should a single view his or her singleness?  Be sure to listen to today&#8217;s broadcast when best-selling author Elisabeth Elliot talks about the challenges of singleness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How should a single view his or her singleness?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-09-04.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.31M","filesize_raw":"11854685","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2807,2093],"tags":[4018,2588,4920,4996],"podcast_series":[7670],"cwp_profile":[8982],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301888","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-engagements-and-weddings","category-women","tag-dating","tag-teens","tag-womanhood","tag-young-women","podcast_series-quest-for-love","cwp_profile-elisabeth-elliot-gren","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301888\/the-gift-of-joy-accepting-what-god-has-given","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301888\/the-gift-of-joy-accepting-what-god-has-given","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"9YH2C5V8Mc\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-gift-of-joy-accepting-what-god-has-given\/\">The Gift of Joy: Accepting What God Has Given<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-gift-of-joy-accepting-what-god-has-given\/embed\/#?secret=9YH2C5V8Mc\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Gift of Joy: Accepting What God Has Given&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"9YH2C5V8Mc\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-09-04.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-09-04.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Bible says there is a way that seems right to a man but the end thereof is death.\u00a0 That can be true when it comes to relationships.\u00a0 Here\u2019s author and speaker Elisabeth Elliot.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you tell a little boy five years old who wants three Popsicle\u2019s \u2013 you tell him no, then he\u2019s going to say, \u201cYou never let me have anything.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s exactly the way we act with God.\u00a0 \u201cHe has given us so much but he has not given me the one thing I am convinced I have got to have.\u00a0 And so I\u2019m mad at God and I\u2019m not going to trust him for that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to take this thing into my own hands and I\u2019m going to get myself a husband or I\u2019m going to get myself a wife.\u201d\u00a0 And that is extremely dangerous.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 4<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you\u2019re single and you want to get married and you\u2019ve been thinking maybe I just need to loosen things up a little bit, stay tuned.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 How old were you when you got married?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was almost 25.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara about the same age?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A year younger.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you guys really weren\u2019t old enough to be desperate were you?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I\u2019d loved and lost a few times.\u00a0 I\u2019d swung and missed.\n\n(laughter)\n\nDid you ever swing and miss?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No comment.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want our listeners to make note of this.\u00a0 We\u2019ve always been honest here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> starting with me and now Bob is playing a little poker.\n\n(laughter)\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you think if you had gotten to 28 or 30 years old and you still weren\u2019t married\u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0I think I was close to pushing the panic button at 25.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was.\u00a0 I wanted to be married as a young man and frankly needed to be married.\u00a0 It has been said that men are barbarians until they get a\u2026\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Until marriage civilizes them?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s exactly right.\u00a0 Now that\u2019s not true for everyone there are some single guys that aren\u2019t barbarians.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was true of you.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was true of me.\n\n(laughter)\n\nAnd it took Barbara to civilize whatever portion of me that has met that standard.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m wondering if you think you would have gotten to a point where you would have said as a single maybe I need to make some compromises on God\u2019s standards.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t know about that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In order to move things along a little bit.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think the older I got the more I embraced God\u2019s standards.\u00a0 I really felt like I had learned some valuable lessons through some mistakes I had made in dating relationships.\u00a0 I wanted to marry what I called at that time a super wog.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A super wog?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A super woman of God.\u00a0 I feel like I did that and now 38 years later I have no regrets.\u00a0 I have no regrets.\u00a0 In fact as we come to this broadcast we wanted to share with you one of our favorites.\u00a0 In fact, wouldn\u2019t you have to say, Bob, this would be one of your top five?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is in my top five list absolutely.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What a treat to interview and talk with Elisabeth Elliot.\u00a0 She is such a sweet lady.\u00a0 I really love and appreciate her.\u00a0 I admire her.\u00a0 She\u2019s an interesting combination of spiritual hero and a spiritual maverick.\u00a0 She is a fox and I think she enjoyed being interviewed by us because we gave her the dignity that she has earned but we also kind of winked at her and jabbed her a little bit.\u00a0 She enjoyed it.\u00a0 She really did.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This was recorded back in 1996 and her book, <em>Quest for Love<\/em> had just come out.\u00a0 She had written a book a number of years before called <em>Passion and Purity<\/em> that was filled with advice for singles on how to and how not to approach relationships.\u00a0 <em>Quest for Love<\/em> was feedback that she had gotten from people who had either followed her counsel or ignored it.\u00a0 We sat down to talk with her about the whole dating scene and what advice she had for singles we found her counsel was remarkably refreshing and very relevant.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have been single for more years than you\u2019ve been married, even though you\u2019ve been married three times.\u00a0 Is that right?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right and I\u2019m almost seven decades old.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your first husband was martyred for his faith, second husband died of cancer, and Lars Gren, your third husband and current husband you\u2019ve been married to for almost 20 years.\u00a0 Talk to a single person, Elisabeth, as to how he or she should view his or her singleness?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:\u00a0 <\/strong>As a gift, Dennis.\u00a0 I really believe with all my heart that everything in my life is a gift.\u00a0 I had to learn this lesson through deep sorrow when Jim Elliot died, my first husband.\u00a0 I waited for him for five-and-a-half years, God brought us together, but he only gave us 27 months of marriage.\n\nPsalm 16:5 is one of my life verses, \u201cLord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup and had made my lot secure.\u201d\u00a0 Now I didn\u2019t think that the assigned portion of 27 months was really sufficient.\u00a0 That was not my idea of how long God should have allowed me to have a husband.\u00a0 And I remember coming out of our marriage ceremony and thinking how wonderful those words \u201ctill death us do part.\u201d\u00a0 Nothing else can possibly part us except death, and that\u2019s probably 50 years down the line.\u00a0 And it was 27 months.\n\nSo God allowed me to become a widow.\u00a0 This began to be revealed to me as a gift.\u00a0 Now, of course, we\u2019re all single \u2013 we have the gift of singleness up until we get married.\u00a0 Then we\u2019re given the gift of marriage, and marriage is a gift.\u00a0 It is not a right.\n\nToo many young people have the idea that marriage is a right and if God doesn\u2019t give me this, then he\u2019s cheating me which is exactly what Eve thought in the Garden of Eden.\u00a0 She wanted what was not given.\u00a0 The one and only thing that God had withheld was the one and only thing that she was absolutely determined to get.\u00a0 And she got it and along with it, sorrow and death and destruction and all the rest.\n\nSo I had the gift of marriage for 27 months.\u00a0 Then I had the gift of widowhood.\u00a0 Now who would ever ask for that?\u00a0 Nobody would ask for the gift of widowhood.\u00a0 But I began to see that this was the given in my life and when I have a chance to talk to singles, especially the older ones that are beginning to despair, I say, \u201cNumber one, do not put your life on hold.\u00a0 It is this present moment in which God wants to be glorified and you are single this present moment.\u201d\n\nWell, women will often say to me, \u201cI just know that I don\u2019t have the gift of singleness.\u00a0 You know, I just know I\u2019m supposed to be married.\u00a0 I\u2019m so maternal, I just feel that God wants to give me a husband and family and all this.\u201d\u00a0 And I say to them, \u201cWell, are you single?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, then you have the gift of singleness on this particular day.\u00a0 Maybe next Thursday God is going to bring along the dream man of your life.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019s not.\u00a0 But you must learn to glorify God in the situation where God has assigned you.\u201d\u00a0 And I go back to Psalm 16:5, \u201cYou have assigned me my portion.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Elisabeth, speak to the woman or the man who as a single frankly doesn\u2019t like the gift.\u00a0 They don\u2019t like the gift they\u2019ve been given and they\u2019re struggling with resenting God for this gift.\u00a0 What would you say to them?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, nothing could be more fundamental in our Christian walk than learning the great lesson of acceptance.\u00a0 I mean, do you love God \u2013 do you love God enough to receive what God gives you and to be cheerfully accepting of what he does not give you?\n\nAnd when I learned by short-wave radio that my first husband Jim Elliot was missing, the first thing that came to me was those words in Isaiah 43:2, \u201cWhen though passeth through the waters, I will be with thee, and through the rivers.\u00a0 They shall not overflow thee.\u00a0 When thou walkest through the fire, though shalt not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee, for I am the Lord thy God.\u201d\n\nI became powerfully aware of that presence in the deepest waters, the hottest fires and the darkest valleys in my life.\u00a0 When I learned that Jim was dead, which was about five days later, the words that came to me then were from a poem by Amy Carmichael which in the providence of God I had memorized years before.\u00a0 \u201cIn acceptance lieth peace.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t think we have the right to call ourselves faithful disciples until we learn that our heavenly father loves us with an everlasting love and he will never withhold from his child anything that he knows is good for them.\n\nNow you two men as fathers, you know perfectly well that you have had to say no hundreds of times to your children.\u00a0 And when you tell a little boy five years old who wants three Popsicle\u2019s \u2013 you tell him no, then he\u2019s going to say, \u201cYou never let me have anything.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s exactly the way we act with God.\u00a0 \u201cHe has given us so much but he has not given me the one thing that I am convinced I have got to have.\u00a0 And so I\u2019m mad at God and I\u2019m not going to trust him for that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to take this thing into my own hands and I\u2019m going to get myself a husband or I\u2019m going to get myself a wife.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s dangerous.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that is extremely dangerous, and we have plenty of stories of the disasters that have occurred.\u00a0 I got one in my book, this woman says, \u201cSix months after receiving Christ as my Savior I found myself strongly attracted to a single man in my church.\u00a0 So I called up one of the pastors I was close to and asked him how I should handle it.\u201d\u00a0 Well, the first thing I would say to the poor girl is, \u201cHandle what?\u00a0 You don\u2019t have anything to handle, I mean, except your own feelings.\u201d\n\nAnyway, she said, \u201cI knew there was a difference between the world\u2019s ways, the ways I had been living for 23 years, and God\u2019s ways.\u00a0 Oh, how I wish he had given me your advice.\u00a0 But instead, after my feelings had continued for a month he told me I should let this young man know.\u201d\u00a0 This is the pastor telling her this.\n\n\u201cBig mistake.\u00a0 Three other pastors at the church gave me the same advice, saying \u2018If I were a single woman, I would.\u2019\u00a0 But they\u2019re not women.\u00a0 Now I live with the consequences of a strained relationship with a man whom I see quite often because we go to the same church and we have the same friends.\u00a0 Yuck.\u00a0 I wish I could move to the other side of the world.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are single women listening in their 30\u2019s and in their 40\u2019s wondering about their gift of singleness and wondering if someday God will take the desire they have for marriage away.\u00a0 Will he do that?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very likely not.\u00a0 And I point them to Deuteronomy 8.\u00a0 In Deuteronomy 8, Moses is reviewing the history of the children of Israel and he says, \u201cHe suffered you to hunger in order that he might know what was in your heart.\u201d\n\nAnd you remember that the children of Israel were wailing and screaming and complaining because they didn\u2019t have the leeks and onions and garlic and watermelons and fish that they\u2019d had back in Egypt and they were sick and tired of this stuff they got every day, manna.\u00a0 And it says that a company of strangers came in and said in effect, \u201cIs this all you\u2019ve got here?\u201d\u00a0 You know, and so instead of the Lord removing the desire for leeks and onions and garlic, he caused them to hunger for this purpose that he might know what was in their hearts.\n\nAnd I don\u2019t know any situation in which we are more likely to find out what is really in our hearts than where we have been deprived of something that we thought we should have.\u00a0 And, of course, I was deprived of my husband Jim and the Lord was saying to me, \u201cNow I want you to glorify me as a single woman again.\u00a0 And I\u2019m giving you this gift and I want you to fulfill this calling faithfully, gladly and humbly.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you wrestle and rebel with that?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 I certainly wrestled, Bob.\u00a0 I hope that I didn\u2019t really rebel.\u00a0 I would just get down on my knees and just say, \u201cLord, you know what my natural feelings are about this.\u00a0 But Lord, I have surrendered them all to you long ago.\u201d\u00a0 It was when I was 12 years old that I\u2019d prayed Betty Scott Stamps\u2019 prayer, \u201cLord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept thy will for my life.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cIn acceptance lieth peace\u201d and I know that\u2019s true.\n\nIt happened again when Ad was taken from me.\u00a0 He was prayed over, he was anointed, we had people coming from across the country telling me they had a word of knowledge that God wanted to heal Ad Leach.\u00a0 He died.\u00a0 And the Lord is saying, \u201cSo here\u2019s the gift of widowhood again.\u00a0 What are you going to do with it?\u201d\u00a0 You know, I can rebel and I can be miserable.\u00a0 Or I can say, \u201cYes, Lord\u201d and I can be happy.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, one of the themes of your books that seems to be in all of them is the call for the Christian to endure in the midst of suffering.\u00a0 You believe the scripture calls us to remain faithful in the midst of circumstances that aren\u2019t working out to what we wish they would.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Suffering is a gift, Dennis.\u00a0 It is a gift.\u00a0 Paul says, \u201cUnto us it is given not only to believe but also to suffer.\u201d\u00a0 And Jesus referred to \u201cthe cup that my Father has given me.\u201d\u00a0 What was in that cup?\u00a0 He was reviled, he was persecuted, he was hated, he was mocked, he was captured, he was flogged, he was blindfolded, he was stripped, and he was crucified.\u00a0 That was the cup.\n\nAnd we know his human nature was in agony over that.\u00a0 He sweat as it were great drops of blood in Gethsemane.\u00a0 And finally, he said, \u201cNot my will.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cIf it be possible, let this cup pass.\u201d\u00a0 The cup didn\u2019t pass.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t possible because he could not save himself and save you and me.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the most memorable stories I\u2019ve ever heard you tell is the story of Gladys Aylward.\u00a0 It illustrates what we\u2019re talking about here in a most profound way.\u00a0 Would you share that with our listeners?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Gladys Aylward was a London parlor maid with no education and she believed that God was calling her to China.\u00a0 And when her brother found her studying a map, he said, \u201cWell, Glad, where are you going?\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cTo China.\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cGlad, you must be out of your mind.\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cJehovah God has spoken to me and I am going to China.\u00a0 Well,\u201d she said, \u201cI didn\u2019t know where China was but I got a map and I studied.\u201d\n\nThen she tells the long story of how she took a train all the way across Europe and Russia and Mongolia and China, and she ended up standing on the wharf in Shanghai.\u00a0 And she said, \u201cWhen I was a child I had two great sorrows.\u00a0 All my friends had beautiful golden curls and mine was black.\u00a0 And when all my friends was still growing, I stopped.\n\nWhen I stood on the wharf and I looked over all these people to whom Jehovah God had sent me, and every single one of them had black hair and every single one of them had stopped growing when I did.\u00a0 And I said, \u2018Lord God, you know what you\u2019re doing.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s why I like that story.\u00a0 I have never forgotten you telling that story and the phrase, \u201cJehovah God, you know what you\u2019re doing.\u201d\u00a0 And that can be true for a single person, but it is an issue of faith and belief and obedience.\n\nI think there are young men listening right now who are saying alright I\u2019m ready to get down on my knees but I may lack some courage here.\u00a0 What would you coach them and encourage them to do?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 The verse that Jim Elliot wrote underneath his signature in my year book in college was 2 Timothy 2:4.\u00a0 \u201cA soldier on active service will not become entangled in civilian affairs.\u00a0 He must be wholly at his commanding officer\u2019s disposal.\u201d\n\nThat taught me a lot about Jim Elliiot before we had any personal conversations on any spiritual matters.\u00a0 I saw here is a man who has made up his mind what he wants more than anything else in the world and that was to be obedient to his commanding officer and to be disposable.\u00a0 And he was quite literally disposable when he went to the Auca Indians and got himself speared to death.\u00a0 He knew what disposability was about.\n\nBut I would suggest to a young man that you just put yourself on the line with the Lord.\u00a0 Say Lord, I\u2019ll do anything you say and I will keep my mouth shut and I will stay away from the women until you bring the right woman to me at the right time.\u00a0 Please show me.\n\nThen the man can go and ask counsel of godly men in the church.\u00a0 Ask them to pray with them and for them and to perhaps point out some possibility.\u00a0 Maybe that man and his wife would be the ones who would invite three young men and three young woman to their house or four young men and two young women or whatever.\u00a0 Not making it look like they are trying to match up anyone.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The next question is how will I know that this is the one when God brings her?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, everybody wants to know the answer to that question.\u00a0 There isn\u2019t any answer that I can give except that God knows how to make it clear to you.\u00a0 There\u2019s another story in the book, <em>Quest for Love<\/em>, about Charles Alexander who was the song leader with the famous 19<sup>th<\/sup> century evangelist R.A. Torrey.\u00a0 Alexander was very eager to get married and he had a list of qualifications that he was looking for in a wife but he was traveling all over the world with R.A. Torrey so he was never in one place for very long.\n\nFinally after about seven years of looking for the woman who fit this list of his and not finding her he got down on his knees and said Lord, I don\u2019t know where she is but You know.\u00a0 I am going to surrender my list.\u00a0 Now You give me the woman of your list.\n\nIt wasn\u2019t very long after that that he met a lovely young woman who came and was on the platform with him in one of these campaigns.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t even know her name but he was very attracted to the graceful, gracious manner that she had and to her simple quiet words of testimony.\u00a0 He went home that night.\u00a0 He was staying in a very big mansion with some Christian people and he asked his hostess if she knew that girl.\u00a0 She said, yes, she is my daughter.\u00a0 And he said would you introduce me to her?\u00a0 She did.\u00a0 He took her out for dinner and he proposed.\u00a0 He said, in five minutes we were on our knees and it was settled.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That can be difficult, Elisabeth, for a person to grab hold of and then retain possession of.\u00a0 I know single people and they can grab hold of it for awhile and the desire and the longing to be married comes back.\u00a0 And it\u2019s like a cross that they carry.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s exactly what it is.\u00a0 What do we expect the cross to look like?\u00a0 In what form do we expect the cross to be presented to us?\u00a0 Jesus said, \u201cIf you want to be my disciple \u2013 you don\u2019t have to be but if you want to be, these are the conditions.\u00a0 Number one, give up your right to yourself.\u201d\n\nNow, of course that\u2019s difficult.\u00a0 It is the most difficult thing that God could ever ask of us, especially in today\u2019s climate where everybody says, \u201cIt\u2019s your life, it\u2019s your body, you have a right to yourself.\u00a0 If it feels good, do it.\u00a0 If it doesn\u2019t feel good, forget it.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let anybody tell you what to do.\u201d\u00a0 And Jesus quietly continues to say to us, \u201cIf you want to be my disciple, give up your right to yourself.\u201d\n\nSecondly, take up the cross.\u00a0 Now, in what form is that going to be presented?\u00a0 It is going to be presented in the form of suffering.\u00a0 What else do we expect?\u00a0 The cross is an instrument of torture.\u00a0 Why should we be surprised?\u00a0 So, of course we\u2019re going to have to get down on our knees again and again and ratify that once-in-a-lifetime surrender.\u00a0 As I said, I had made that surrender when I was 12 years old but there isn\u2019t a day that goes by, Dennis \u2013 and I am not exaggerating \u2013 there\u2019s not a day that goes by in which I do not have to consciously take up the cross in some form.\n\nI want to encourage young people who are suffering because of their singleness and let\u2019s not mince the fact of the words about the fact that many women suffer because men are disobedient.\u00a0 Men are not making \u2013 they are not willing to make commitment.\u00a0 It takes sacrifice.\n\nLove takes sacrifice.\u00a0 It takes giving up the right to yourself.\u00a0 And in today\u2019s world, there are not very many men that are wanting to do that.\u00a0 So women suffer but they suffer according to the will of God, even though it is because of a man\u2019s disobedience.\n\nAnd I do have to tell you that little story of Gladys Aylward\u2019s talk with me when the two of us were sitting on the sofa together.\u00a0 We were talking about being single and I was a widow at that time and she had never been married.\u00a0 And she said when she first went to China she had never even thought of wanting to be married.\u00a0 But after about six years of working very happily by herself, she met \u2013 there was an English couple of missionaries who came out to work right near her and she observed their life and saw that they had something very wonderful that she did not have.\n\nSo she prayed that God would call a man from England and send him straight out there to China to where she was and get him to propose to her.\u00a0 I mean, she was a no-nonsense woman, I\u2019ll tell you.\u00a0 And she just put that on the line and she said, \u201cLord, send him out here and have him propose to me.\u201d\u00a0 And I\u2019ll never forget the intensity with which she leaned toward me across that sofa and with her little bony finger and she said, \u201cElisabeth, I believe God answers prayer.\u00a0 He called him but he never came.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The young man didn\u2019t hear.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 He heard but he disobeyed.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I\u2019ve got to ask you that today.\u00a0 There are a lot of 30-year old young men in churches.\u00a0 Should they get busy about the business of finding a wife and getting married, or should they wonder about whether they have the gift of singleness?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Both.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I say they should get busy and get down on their knees and say, \u201cLord, I want your will.\u00a0 Do you want me to be married?\u00a0 If so, Lord, you know how to lead me to the right woman at the right time.\u00a0 And I want you to know, Lord, that I am available and I will do what you want me to do.\u201d\u00a0 And there are stories in my book, <em>Quest for Love<\/em>, about people who literally got married as a matter of obedience.\u00a0 Of obedience, not falling in love.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Not desire.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not feeling good about this person.\u00a0 But God knows how to lead you to the right person.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The interesting thing is, Bob, as Elisabeth has written this book at the end of each of these stories, at the end of the chapter, she\u2019ll have reflections on how God brought the people together or reflections about the choices that people made, right and wrong.\n\nThe thing that hit me is how mysterious our God is and how different his ways are.\u00a0 And how he delights in seeing people trust him and then work out the circumstances that makes some very good stories.\u00a0 Elisabeth, I want to thank you for being on the broadcast.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a delight to get together with you again and I hope you\u2019ll join us again here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Will you come back and join us again?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d love to.\u00a0 Thank you.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Great.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ve been listening back to an interview recorded in 1996 with Elisabeth Elliot.\u00a0 I was watching you during this interview and I\u2019m thinking, Dennis has some practical application points he\u2019d like to share with some of our listeners.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Barbara and I dated it was not really dating.\u00a0 We just kind of spent time together as friends and I called her and asked her to marry me and our listeners are not going to believe this but she didn\u2019t have any feelings for me.\u00a0 It was not a commitment based upon how I had swept her off her feet.\u00a0 She believed as I did that God was bringing us together as a couple.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you say she didn\u2019t have any feelings for you you were friends?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We were.\u00a0 There was fondness in terms of nice guy.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 She was not gogga over you.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, there was no physical involvement.\u00a0 In fact it wasn\u2019t until after we were married that she began to develop some feelings for me.\u00a0 That\u2019s kind of funny to admit because we have this picture of romance here.\n\nI think what she is presenting is a noble picture of what love ought to look like.\u00a0 That picture is a couple of mature single people who haven\u2019t lowered themselves to the standard of the culture but they embrace the book.\u00a0 The bestselling book of all time, the Bible following Christ and they are spiritually in tune to what God wants them to do.\u00a0 They are listening carefully so that when they find the right one as it was with us we had been hanging out with each other for six weeks.\u00a0 I asked her to marry me and six weeks later we were married.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a commitment based upon emotion.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You could have written a chapter in Elisabeth\u2019s book <em>Quest for Love<\/em> couldn\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and I\u2019m thinking that there are some guys who are listening to this broadcast who would like to know what that guy\u2019s line was that he got that girl to say yes, in five minutes.\u00a0 The issue was it wasn\u2019t a line.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 It was a life.\u00a0 They both knew and that is what they both responded to.\u00a0 They could see Christ in one another and they knew that commitment was the fundamental foundational commitment.\u00a0 At least there you have something you can build on, right?\n\nThat\u2019s part of what Elisabeth has addressed in the book, <em>Quest for Love<\/em> which we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 And it is also what she addressed in the book <em>Passion and Purity<\/em> and we have that book as well.\n\nGo to our web site FamilyLife Today.com and there is information on how you can receive both of these books from us.\u00a0 If you are interested in getting both books we\u2019ll send along at no additional cost the CD that features our conversation with Elisabeth Elliot that we have featured this week.\n\nOr if it is easier to call the toll free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then the word TODAY.\n\nWhen you contact us someone on our team will let you know how you can have the resources sent to you.\n\nAs we\u2019ve reflected back this week on this classic interview with Elisabeth Elliot I\u2019m thinking of the tens of thousands of folks who over the years have helped make these kinds of programs possible.\u00a0 Those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014either a one time donation or on an ongoing basis.\u00a0 You are an essential part of the team making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a reality.\u00a0 We are listener supported and without your donations we could not continue to produce and syndicate this daily radio program so that it can be heard on this local station and on a network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 We do appreciate your partnership with us.\n\nThis month if you are able to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount we have a thank you gift we\u2019d like to send you.\u00a0 It\u2019s a CD that features a conversation we had a number of months ago with Chip Ingram.\u00a0 Chip is an author and a pastor and he had just written a book called <em>Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships<\/em>.\u00a0 This ties in to what we have been talking about this week.\u00a0 It was a very compelling conversation and we\u2019d like to make those CDs available to you as our way of saying thank you for your support of this ministry when you do make a donation this month of any amount for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\nIf you are donating on line at FamilyLife Today.com type the word \u201clove\u201d in the key code box that you see on the on line donation form and we\u2019ll know to send you a copy of these CDs.\u00a0 Or if you are calling 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone just say could I get those CDs about love or relationships.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know that ones you are talking about.\u00a0 Thanks again for your partnership.\n\nWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 We hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend.\u00a0 I hope you can join us back on Monday.\u00a0 Steve and Candice Watters are going to be back with us on Monday.\u00a0 This time we want to talk about children and they are equally forthright about that subject.\u00a0 They believe for a lot of young couples it\u2019s time to go for it.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear from them on Monday.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\nHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["11.31M"],"filesize_raw":["11854685"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-301888.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-301888.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap video{opacity: 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should a single view his or her singleness?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-09-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The Bible says there is a way that seems right to a man but the end thereof is death.\u00a0 That can be true when it comes to relationships.\u00a0 Here\u2019s author and speaker Elisabeth Elliot.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you tell a little boy five years old who wants three Popsicle\u2019s \u2013 you tell him no, then he\u2019s going to say, \u201cYou never let me have anything.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s exactly the way we act with God.\u00a0 \u201cHe has given us so much but he has not given me the one thing I am convinced I have got to have.\u00a0 And so I\u2019m mad at God and I\u2019m not going to trust him for that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to take this thing into my own hands and I\u2019m going to get myself a husband or I\u2019m going to get myself a wife.\u201d\u00a0 And that is extremely dangerous.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 4<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 If you\u2019re single and you want to get married and you\u2019ve been thinking maybe I just need to loosen things up a little bit, stay tuned.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 How old were you when you got married?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was almost 25.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara about the same age?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A year younger.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you guys really weren\u2019t old enough to be desperate were you?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I\u2019d loved and lost a few times.\u00a0 I\u2019d swung and missed.\n\n(laughter)\n\nDid you ever swing and miss?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 No comment.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want our listeners to make note of this.\u00a0 We\u2019ve always been honest here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> starting with me and now Bob is playing a little poker.\n\n(laughter)\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you think if you had gotten to 28 or 30 years old and you still weren\u2019t married\u2026\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0I think I was close to pushing the panic button at 25.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Were you?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was.\u00a0 I wanted to be married as a young man and frankly needed to be married.\u00a0 It has been said that men are barbarians until they get a\u2026\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Until marriage civilizes them?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s exactly right.\u00a0 Now that\u2019s not true for everyone there are some single guys that aren\u2019t barbarians.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was true of you.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was true of me.\n\n(laughter)\n\nAnd it took Barbara to civilize whatever portion of me that has met that standard.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m wondering if you think you would have gotten to a point where you would have said as a single maybe I need to make some compromises on God\u2019s standards.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don\u2019t know about that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In order to move things along a little bit.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think the older I got the more I embraced God\u2019s standards.\u00a0 I really felt like I had learned some valuable lessons through some mistakes I had made in dating relationships.\u00a0 I wanted to marry what I called at that time a super wog.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 A super wog?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A super woman of God.\u00a0 I feel like I did that and now 38 years later I have no regrets.\u00a0 I have no regrets.\u00a0 In fact as we come to this broadcast we wanted to share with you one of our favorites.\u00a0 In fact, wouldn\u2019t you have to say, Bob, this would be one of your top five?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is in my top five list absolutely.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What a treat to interview and talk with Elisabeth Elliot.\u00a0 She is such a sweet lady.\u00a0 I really love and appreciate her.\u00a0 I admire her.\u00a0 She\u2019s an interesting combination of spiritual hero and a spiritual maverick.\u00a0 She is a fox and I think she enjoyed being interviewed by us because we gave her the dignity that she has earned but we also kind of winked at her and jabbed her a little bit.\u00a0 She enjoyed it.\u00a0 She really did.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This was recorded back in 1996 and her book, <em>Quest for Love<\/em> had just come out.\u00a0 She had written a book a number of years before called <em>Passion and Purity<\/em> that was filled with advice for singles on how to and how not to approach relationships.\u00a0 <em>Quest for Love<\/em> was feedback that she had gotten from people who had either followed her counsel or ignored it.\u00a0 We sat down to talk with her about the whole dating scene and what advice she had for singles we found her counsel was remarkably refreshing and very relevant.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You have been single for more years than you\u2019ve been married, even though you\u2019ve been married three times.\u00a0 Is that right?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right and I\u2019m almost seven decades old.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Your first husband was martyred for his faith, second husband died of cancer, and Lars Gren, your third husband and current husband you\u2019ve been married to for almost 20 years.\u00a0 Talk to a single person, Elisabeth, as to how he or she should view his or her singleness?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:\u00a0 <\/strong>As a gift, Dennis.\u00a0 I really believe with all my heart that everything in my life is a gift.\u00a0 I had to learn this lesson through deep sorrow when Jim Elliot died, my first husband.\u00a0 I waited for him for five-and-a-half years, God brought us together, but he only gave us 27 months of marriage.\n\nPsalm 16:5 is one of my life verses, \u201cLord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup and had made my lot secure.\u201d\u00a0 Now I didn\u2019t think that the assigned portion of 27 months was really sufficient.\u00a0 That was not my idea of how long God should have allowed me to have a husband.\u00a0 And I remember coming out of our marriage ceremony and thinking how wonderful those words \u201ctill death us do part.\u201d\u00a0 Nothing else can possibly part us except death, and that\u2019s probably 50 years down the line.\u00a0 And it was 27 months.\n\nSo God allowed me to become a widow.\u00a0 This began to be revealed to me as a gift.\u00a0 Now, of course, we\u2019re all single \u2013 we have the gift of singleness up until we get married.\u00a0 Then we\u2019re given the gift of marriage, and marriage is a gift.\u00a0 It is not a right.\n\nToo many young people have the idea that marriage is a right and if God doesn\u2019t give me this, then he\u2019s cheating me which is exactly what Eve thought in the Garden of Eden.\u00a0 She wanted what was not given.\u00a0 The one and only thing that God had withheld was the one and only thing that she was absolutely determined to get.\u00a0 And she got it and along with it, sorrow and death and destruction and all the rest.\n\nSo I had the gift of marriage for 27 months.\u00a0 Then I had the gift of widowhood.\u00a0 Now who would ever ask for that?\u00a0 Nobody would ask for the gift of widowhood.\u00a0 But I began to see that this was the given in my life and when I have a chance to talk to singles, especially the older ones that are beginning to despair, I say, \u201cNumber one, do not put your life on hold.\u00a0 It is this present moment in which God wants to be glorified and you are single this present moment.\u201d\n\nWell, women will often say to me, \u201cI just know that I don\u2019t have the gift of singleness.\u00a0 You know, I just know I\u2019m supposed to be married.\u00a0 I\u2019m so maternal, I just feel that God wants to give me a husband and family and all this.\u201d\u00a0 And I say to them, \u201cWell, are you single?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYes.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, then you have the gift of singleness on this particular day.\u00a0 Maybe next Thursday God is going to bring along the dream man of your life.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019s not.\u00a0 But you must learn to glorify God in the situation where God has assigned you.\u201d\u00a0 And I go back to Psalm 16:5, \u201cYou have assigned me my portion.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Elisabeth, speak to the woman or the man who as a single frankly doesn\u2019t like the gift.\u00a0 They don\u2019t like the gift they\u2019ve been given and they\u2019re struggling with resenting God for this gift.\u00a0 What would you say to them?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, nothing could be more fundamental in our Christian walk than learning the great lesson of acceptance.\u00a0 I mean, do you love God \u2013 do you love God enough to receive what God gives you and to be cheerfully accepting of what he does not give you?\n\nAnd when I learned by short-wave radio that my first husband Jim Elliot was missing, the first thing that came to me was those words in Isaiah 43:2, \u201cWhen though passeth through the waters, I will be with thee, and through the rivers.\u00a0 They shall not overflow thee.\u00a0 When thou walkest through the fire, though shalt not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee, for I am the Lord thy God.\u201d\n\nI became powerfully aware of that presence in the deepest waters, the hottest fires and the darkest valleys in my life.\u00a0 When I learned that Jim was dead, which was about five days later, the words that came to me then were from a poem by Amy Carmichael which in the providence of God I had memorized years before.\u00a0 \u201cIn acceptance lieth peace.\u201d\u00a0 I don\u2019t think we have the right to call ourselves faithful disciples until we learn that our heavenly father loves us with an everlasting love and he will never withhold from his child anything that he knows is good for them.\n\nNow you two men as fathers, you know perfectly well that you have had to say no hundreds of times to your children.\u00a0 And when you tell a little boy five years old who wants three Popsicle\u2019s \u2013 you tell him no, then he\u2019s going to say, \u201cYou never let me have anything.\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s exactly the way we act with God.\u00a0 \u201cHe has given us so much but he has not given me the one thing that I am convinced I have got to have.\u00a0 And so I\u2019m mad at God and I\u2019m not going to trust him for that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got to take this thing into my own hands and I\u2019m going to get myself a husband or I\u2019m going to get myself a wife.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s dangerous.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that is extremely dangerous, and we have plenty of stories of the disasters that have occurred.\u00a0 I got one in my book, this woman says, \u201cSix months after receiving Christ as my Savior I found myself strongly attracted to a single man in my church.\u00a0 So I called up one of the pastors I was close to and asked him how I should handle it.\u201d\u00a0 Well, the first thing I would say to the poor girl is, \u201cHandle what?\u00a0 You don\u2019t have anything to handle, I mean, except your own feelings.\u201d\n\nAnyway, she said, \u201cI knew there was a difference between the world\u2019s ways, the ways I had been living for 23 years, and God\u2019s ways.\u00a0 Oh, how I wish he had given me your advice.\u00a0 But instead, after my feelings had continued for a month he told me I should let this young man know.\u201d\u00a0 This is the pastor telling her this.\n\n\u201cBig mistake.\u00a0 Three other pastors at the church gave me the same advice, saying \u2018If I were a single woman, I would.\u2019\u00a0 But they\u2019re not women.\u00a0 Now I live with the consequences of a strained relationship with a man whom I see quite often because we go to the same church and we have the same friends.\u00a0 Yuck.\u00a0 I wish I could move to the other side of the world.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are single women listening in their 30\u2019s and in their 40\u2019s wondering about their gift of singleness and wondering if someday God will take the desire they have for marriage away.\u00a0 Will he do that?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very likely not.\u00a0 And I point them to Deuteronomy 8.\u00a0 In Deuteronomy 8, Moses is reviewing the history of the children of Israel and he says, \u201cHe suffered you to hunger in order that he might know what was in your heart.\u201d\n\nAnd you remember that the children of Israel were wailing and screaming and complaining because they didn\u2019t have the leeks and onions and garlic and watermelons and fish that they\u2019d had back in Egypt and they were sick and tired of this stuff they got every day, manna.\u00a0 And it says that a company of strangers came in and said in effect, \u201cIs this all you\u2019ve got here?\u201d\u00a0 You know, and so instead of the Lord removing the desire for leeks and onions and garlic, he caused them to hunger for this purpose that he might know what was in their hearts.\n\nAnd I don\u2019t know any situation in which we are more likely to find out what is really in our hearts than where we have been deprived of something that we thought we should have.\u00a0 And, of course, I was deprived of my husband Jim and the Lord was saying to me, \u201cNow I want you to glorify me as a single woman again.\u00a0 And I\u2019m giving you this gift and I want you to fulfill this calling faithfully, gladly and humbly.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you wrestle and rebel with that?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 I certainly wrestled, Bob.\u00a0 I hope that I didn\u2019t really rebel.\u00a0 I would just get down on my knees and just say, \u201cLord, you know what my natural feelings are about this.\u00a0 But Lord, I have surrendered them all to you long ago.\u201d\u00a0 It was when I was 12 years old that I\u2019d prayed Betty Scott Stamps\u2019 prayer, \u201cLord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept thy will for my life.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cIn acceptance lieth peace\u201d and I know that\u2019s true.\n\nIt happened again when Ad was taken from me.\u00a0 He was prayed over, he was anointed, we had people coming from across the country telling me they had a word of knowledge that God wanted to heal Ad Leach.\u00a0 He died.\u00a0 And the Lord is saying, \u201cSo here\u2019s the gift of widowhood again.\u00a0 What are you going to do with it?\u201d\u00a0 You know, I can rebel and I can be miserable.\u00a0 Or I can say, \u201cYes, Lord\u201d and I can be happy.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, one of the themes of your books that seems to be in all of them is the call for the Christian to endure in the midst of suffering.\u00a0 You believe the scripture calls us to remain faithful in the midst of circumstances that aren\u2019t working out to what we wish they would.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Suffering is a gift, Dennis.\u00a0 It is a gift.\u00a0 Paul says, \u201cUnto us it is given not only to believe but also to suffer.\u201d\u00a0 And Jesus referred to \u201cthe cup that my Father has given me.\u201d\u00a0 What was in that cup?\u00a0 He was reviled, he was persecuted, he was hated, he was mocked, he was captured, he was flogged, he was blindfolded, he was stripped, and he was crucified.\u00a0 That was the cup.\n\nAnd we know his human nature was in agony over that.\u00a0 He sweat as it were great drops of blood in Gethsemane.\u00a0 And finally, he said, \u201cNot my will.\u201d\u00a0 He said, \u201cIf it be possible, let this cup pass.\u201d\u00a0 The cup didn\u2019t pass.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t possible because he could not save himself and save you and me.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of the most memorable stories I\u2019ve ever heard you tell is the story of Gladys Aylward.\u00a0 It illustrates what we\u2019re talking about here in a most profound way.\u00a0 Would you share that with our listeners?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, Gladys Aylward was a London parlor maid with no education and she believed that God was calling her to China.\u00a0 And when her brother found her studying a map, he said, \u201cWell, Glad, where are you going?\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cTo China.\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cGlad, you must be out of your mind.\u201d\u00a0 And she said, \u201cJehovah God has spoken to me and I am going to China.\u00a0 Well,\u201d she said, \u201cI didn\u2019t know where China was but I got a map and I studied.\u201d\n\nThen she tells the long story of how she took a train all the way across Europe and Russia and Mongolia and China, and she ended up standing on the wharf in Shanghai.\u00a0 And she said, \u201cWhen I was a child I had two great sorrows.\u00a0 All my friends had beautiful golden curls and mine was black.\u00a0 And when all my friends was still growing, I stopped.\n\nWhen I stood on the wharf and I looked over all these people to whom Jehovah God had sent me, and every single one of them had black hair and every single one of them had stopped growing when I did.\u00a0 And I said, \u2018Lord God, you know what you\u2019re doing.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that\u2019s why I like that story.\u00a0 I have never forgotten you telling that story and the phrase, \u201cJehovah God, you know what you\u2019re doing.\u201d\u00a0 And that can be true for a single person, but it is an issue of faith and belief and obedience.\n\nI think there are young men listening right now who are saying alright I\u2019m ready to get down on my knees but I may lack some courage here.\u00a0 What would you coach them and encourage them to do?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 The verse that Jim Elliot wrote underneath his signature in my year book in college was 2 Timothy 2:4.\u00a0 \u201cA soldier on active service will not become entangled in civilian affairs.\u00a0 He must be wholly at his commanding officer\u2019s disposal.\u201d\n\nThat taught me a lot about Jim Elliiot before we had any personal conversations on any spiritual matters.\u00a0 I saw here is a man who has made up his mind what he wants more than anything else in the world and that was to be obedient to his commanding officer and to be disposable.\u00a0 And he was quite literally disposable when he went to the Auca Indians and got himself speared to death.\u00a0 He knew what disposability was about.\n\nBut I would suggest to a young man that you just put yourself on the line with the Lord.\u00a0 Say Lord, I\u2019ll do anything you say and I will keep my mouth shut and I will stay away from the women until you bring the right woman to me at the right time.\u00a0 Please show me.\n\nThen the man can go and ask counsel of godly men in the church.\u00a0 Ask them to pray with them and for them and to perhaps point out some possibility.\u00a0 Maybe that man and his wife would be the ones who would invite three young men and three young woman to their house or four young men and two young women or whatever.\u00a0 Not making it look like they are trying to match up anyone.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The next question is how will I know that this is the one when God brings her?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, everybody wants to know the answer to that question.\u00a0 There isn\u2019t any answer that I can give except that God knows how to make it clear to you.\u00a0 There\u2019s another story in the book, <em>Quest for Love<\/em>, about Charles Alexander who was the song leader with the famous 19<sup>th<\/sup> century evangelist R.A. Torrey.\u00a0 Alexander was very eager to get married and he had a list of qualifications that he was looking for in a wife but he was traveling all over the world with R.A. Torrey so he was never in one place for very long.\n\nFinally after about seven years of looking for the woman who fit this list of his and not finding her he got down on his knees and said Lord, I don\u2019t know where she is but You know.\u00a0 I am going to surrender my list.\u00a0 Now You give me the woman of your list.\n\nIt wasn\u2019t very long after that that he met a lovely young woman who came and was on the platform with him in one of these campaigns.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t even know her name but he was very attracted to the graceful, gracious manner that she had and to her simple quiet words of testimony.\u00a0 He went home that night.\u00a0 He was staying in a very big mansion with some Christian people and he asked his hostess if she knew that girl.\u00a0 She said, yes, she is my daughter.\u00a0 And he said would you introduce me to her?\u00a0 She did.\u00a0 He took her out for dinner and he proposed.\u00a0 He said, in five minutes we were on our knees and it was settled.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That can be difficult, Elisabeth, for a person to grab hold of and then retain possession of.\u00a0 I know single people and they can grab hold of it for awhile and the desire and the longing to be married comes back.\u00a0 And it\u2019s like a cross that they carry.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s exactly what it is.\u00a0 What do we expect the cross to look like?\u00a0 In what form do we expect the cross to be presented to us?\u00a0 Jesus said, \u201cIf you want to be my disciple \u2013 you don\u2019t have to be but if you want to be, these are the conditions.\u00a0 Number one, give up your right to yourself.\u201d\n\nNow, of course that\u2019s difficult.\u00a0 It is the most difficult thing that God could ever ask of us, especially in today\u2019s climate where everybody says, \u201cIt\u2019s your life, it\u2019s your body, you have a right to yourself.\u00a0 If it feels good, do it.\u00a0 If it doesn\u2019t feel good, forget it.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let anybody tell you what to do.\u201d\u00a0 And Jesus quietly continues to say to us, \u201cIf you want to be my disciple, give up your right to yourself.\u201d\n\nSecondly, take up the cross.\u00a0 Now, in what form is that going to be presented?\u00a0 It is going to be presented in the form of suffering.\u00a0 What else do we expect?\u00a0 The cross is an instrument of torture.\u00a0 Why should we be surprised?\u00a0 So, of course we\u2019re going to have to get down on our knees again and again and ratify that once-in-a-lifetime surrender.\u00a0 As I said, I had made that surrender when I was 12 years old but there isn\u2019t a day that goes by, Dennis \u2013 and I am not exaggerating \u2013 there\u2019s not a day that goes by in which I do not have to consciously take up the cross in some form.\n\nI want to encourage young people who are suffering because of their singleness and let\u2019s not mince the fact of the words about the fact that many women suffer because men are disobedient.\u00a0 Men are not making \u2013 they are not willing to make commitment.\u00a0 It takes sacrifice.\n\nLove takes sacrifice.\u00a0 It takes giving up the right to yourself.\u00a0 And in today\u2019s world, there are not very many men that are wanting to do that.\u00a0 So women suffer but they suffer according to the will of God, even though it is because of a man\u2019s disobedience.\n\nAnd I do have to tell you that little story of Gladys Aylward\u2019s talk with me when the two of us were sitting on the sofa together.\u00a0 We were talking about being single and I was a widow at that time and she had never been married.\u00a0 And she said when she first went to China she had never even thought of wanting to be married.\u00a0 But after about six years of working very happily by herself, she met \u2013 there was an English couple of missionaries who came out to work right near her and she observed their life and saw that they had something very wonderful that she did not have.\n\nSo she prayed that God would call a man from England and send him straight out there to China to where she was and get him to propose to her.\u00a0 I mean, she was a no-nonsense woman, I\u2019ll tell you.\u00a0 And she just put that on the line and she said, \u201cLord, send him out here and have him propose to me.\u201d\u00a0 And I\u2019ll never forget the intensity with which she leaned toward me across that sofa and with her little bony finger and she said, \u201cElisabeth, I believe God answers prayer.\u00a0 He called him but he never came.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The young man didn\u2019t hear.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 He heard but he disobeyed.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And I\u2019ve got to ask you that today.\u00a0 There are a lot of 30-year old young men in churches.\u00a0 Should they get busy about the business of finding a wife and getting married, or should they wonder about whether they have the gift of singleness?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Both.\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I say they should get busy and get down on their knees and say, \u201cLord, I want your will.\u00a0 Do you want me to be married?\u00a0 If so, Lord, you know how to lead me to the right woman at the right time.\u00a0 And I want you to know, Lord, that I am available and I will do what you want me to do.\u201d\u00a0 And there are stories in my book, <em>Quest for Love<\/em>, about people who literally got married as a matter of obedience.\u00a0 Of obedience, not falling in love.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Not desire.\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not feeling good about this person.\u00a0 But God knows how to lead you to the right person.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The interesting thing is, Bob, as Elisabeth has written this book at the end of each of these stories, at the end of the chapter, she\u2019ll have reflections on how God brought the people together or reflections about the choices that people made, right and wrong.\n\nThe thing that hit me is how mysterious our God is and how different his ways are.\u00a0 And how he delights in seeing people trust him and then work out the circumstances that makes some very good stories.\u00a0 Elisabeth, I want to thank you for being on the broadcast.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a delight to get together with you again and I hope you\u2019ll join us again here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Will you come back and join us again?\n\n<strong>Elisabeth:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019d love to.\u00a0 Thank you.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Great.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We\u2019ve been listening back to an interview recorded in 1996 with Elisabeth Elliot.\u00a0 I was watching you during this interview and I\u2019m thinking, Dennis has some practical application points he\u2019d like to share with some of our listeners.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 When Barbara and I dated it was not really dating.\u00a0 We just kind of spent time together as friends and I called her and asked her to marry me and our listeners are not going to believe this but she didn\u2019t have any feelings for me.\u00a0 It was not a commitment based upon how I had swept her off her feet.\u00a0 She believed as I did that God was bringing us together as a couple.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you say she didn\u2019t have any feelings for you you were friends?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We were.\u00a0 There was fondness in terms of nice guy.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 She was not gogga over you.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, there was no physical involvement.\u00a0 In fact it wasn\u2019t until after we were married that she began to develop some feelings for me.\u00a0 That\u2019s kind of funny to admit because we have this picture of romance here.\n\nI think what she is presenting is a noble picture of what love ought to look like.\u00a0 That picture is a couple of mature single people who haven\u2019t lowered themselves to the standard of the culture but they embrace the book.\u00a0 The bestselling book of all time, the Bible following Christ and they are spiritually in tune to what God wants them to do.\u00a0 They are listening carefully so that when they find the right one as it was with us we had been hanging out with each other for six weeks.\u00a0 I asked her to marry me and six weeks later we were married.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a commitment based upon emotion.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0You could have written a chapter in Elisabeth\u2019s book <em>Quest for Love<\/em> couldn\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and I\u2019m thinking that there are some guys who are listening to this broadcast who would like to know what that guy\u2019s line was that he got that girl to say yes, in five minutes.\u00a0 The issue was it wasn\u2019t a line.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 It was a life.\u00a0 They both knew and that is what they both responded to.\u00a0 They could see Christ in one another and they knew that commitment was the fundamental foundational commitment.\u00a0 At least there you have something you can build on, right?\n\nThat\u2019s part of what Elisabeth has addressed in the book, <em>Quest for Love<\/em> which we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center.\u00a0 And it is also what she addressed in the book <em>Passion and Purity<\/em> and we have that book as well.\n\nGo to our web site FamilyLife Today.com and there is information on how you can receive both of these books from us.\u00a0 If you are interested in getting both books we\u2019ll send along at no additional cost the CD that features our conversation with Elisabeth Elliot that we have featured this week.\n\nOr if it is easier to call the toll free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then the word TODAY.\n\nWhen you contact us someone on our team will let you know how you can have the resources sent to you.\n\nAs we\u2019ve reflected back this week on this classic interview with Elisabeth Elliot I\u2019m thinking of the tens of thousands of folks who over the years have helped make these kinds of programs possible.\u00a0 Those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014either a one time donation or on an ongoing basis.\u00a0 You are an essential part of the team making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a reality.\u00a0 We are listener supported and without your donations we could not continue to produce and syndicate this daily radio program so that it can be heard on this local station and on a network of stations all across the country.\u00a0 We do appreciate your partnership with us.\n\nThis month if you are able to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount we have a thank you gift we\u2019d like to send you.\u00a0 It\u2019s a CD that features a conversation we had a number of months ago with Chip Ingram.\u00a0 Chip is an author and a pastor and he had just written a book called <em>Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships<\/em>.\u00a0 This ties in to what we have been talking about this week.\u00a0 It was a very compelling conversation and we\u2019d like to make those CDs available to you as our way of saying thank you for your support of this ministry when you do make a donation this month of any amount for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\nIf you are donating on line at FamilyLife Today.com type the word \u201clove\u201d in the key code box that you see on the on line donation form and we\u2019ll know to send you a copy of these CDs.\u00a0 Or if you are calling 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation over the phone just say could I get those CDs about love or relationships.\u00a0 We\u2019ll know that ones you are talking about.\u00a0 Thanks again for your partnership.\n\nWe hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 We hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend.\u00a0 I hope you can join us back on Monday.\u00a0 Steve and Candice Watters are going to be back with us on Monday.\u00a0 This time we want to talk about children and they are equally forthright about that subject.\u00a0 They believe for a lot of young couples it\u2019s time to go for it.\u00a0 We\u2019ll hear from them on Monday.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\nHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301888","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301888"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301888"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301888"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301888"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301888"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301888"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301888"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}