{"id":301873,"date":"2009-08-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-08-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-marriage-adrift\/"},"modified":"2009-08-05T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-08-05T15:00:00","slug":"a-marriage-adrift","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-marriage-adrift\/","title":{"rendered":"A Marriage Adrift"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Has your love for your spouse cooled a bit?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-08-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"13.03M","filesize_raw":"13664065","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809],"tags":[4927,4086,4926,2877],"podcast_series":[7664],"cwp_profile":[9173],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301873","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","tag-challenges","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","podcast_series-i-do-again","cwp_profile-jeff-and-cheryl-scruggs","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301873\/a-marriage-adrift","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301873\/a-marriage-adrift","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"pqzettch8b\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-marriage-adrift\/\">A Marriage Adrift<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-marriage-adrift\/embed\/#?secret=pqzettch8b\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Marriage Adrift&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"pqzettch8b\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Has your love for your spouse cooled a bit?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-08-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I thought it would be extremely romantic, that we wouldn\u2019t fight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>For Cheryl Scruggs it took a little more than two years for her fairy tale dreams to start to crumble. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I noticed that I was feeling extremely empty, and starting to fight this anger that I was starting to have for Jeff.\u00a0 I started blaming on him that he wasn\u2019t the right guy that he didn\u2019t know how to connect with me.\u00a0 I was very visible at my work and there were a lot of men that were paying attention to me.\u00a0 What I started to realize is that I was looking more forward to going to work than I was coming home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, August 5<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to hear today how Cheryl Scruggs fairy tale collapsed. Stay tuned!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 When a marriage starts to go through the kind of cycle we just heard about that\u2019s a marriage where the danger signs on the dashboard warning lights ought to be going off.\u00a0 It ought to be saying to couples, \u201cWe need to do some preventive maintenance on our marriage relationship.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore we unpack the story we are going to hear today, I want to remind our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners that this week and next week you have a unique opportunity to register for an up-coming FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.\u00a0 If you register at the regular price, you can bring a second couple along with you to the conference at no cost. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners this week and next week we are making available a special offer.\u00a0 You can sign up to attend one of our upcoming Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences \u2013 we are going to be hosting more than 50 of these in cities all across the country this fall.\u00a0 When you sign up at the regular rate, you will receive a second registration at no cost.\u00a0 You can use that for a family member, or a relative \u2013 your daughter and her husband, your son and his wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow this offer is good this week and next week for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners.\u00a0 To take advantage you need to register online at FamilyLifeToday.com and in the promotion code box on the registration form type in my name. Type in \u201cBob\u201d and we\u2019ll know you are a <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener, and you\u2019ll be eligible for the special rate.\u00a0 Or, call 1-800-FLTODAY say, \u201cI listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> or Bob told me to call.\u201d\u00a0 Again you will be eligible for this special offer for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have any questions, get in touch with us at 1-800-FLTODAY, or go on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 We do hope you\u2019ll plan to attend one of the up-coming fall Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences when it comes to a city near where you live.\u00a0 It\u2019s appropriate that we are talking about the Weekend to Remember today because the story we are going to hear today Dennis, is a story of a marital resurrection right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We are!\u00a0 It\u2019s really fun here on <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>to tell stories that give people hope. The story you are going to hear this week is going to be one that I think energizes some people to take steps of faith, or maybe order the CD, Bob or download this and pass it on to a friend who may need to hear this.\u00a0 Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs join us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em>Cheryl, Jeff welcome to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thank you \u2013 we\u2019re glad to be here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Thanks \u2013 thanks for having us!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Cheryl and Jeff live in the Dallas\/Ft.Worth area.\u00a0 They have twin daughters, and they are founders of a brand new ministry.\u00a0 Well, actually it\u2019s been around for a while.\u00a0 You just stepped out of your job back in March and giving leadership to Hope Matters Marriage Ministries.\u00a0 You do speaking at church conferences, and events.\u00a0 Writing, some marriage counseling \u2013 is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes \u2013 retreats \u2013 all kinds of stuff!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right \u2013 all of the above!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019ve written a book called <em>I Do Again.<\/em>\u00a0 I love the way you start your book!\u00a0 August 21, 1992 \u2013 the worst day of my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, that was the day that our divorce was final.\u00a0 I divorced my husband and the ironic thing is I was the one that wanted the divorce, and when I stood in front of the judge and the gavel went down\u2014divorce granted\u2014I felt like my heart was going to explode.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought to myself what am I doing?\u00a0 I divorced my husband, this is what I wanted, and I thought I\u2019d be elated.\u00a0 I thought I would feel free and I felt none of that.\u00a0 I felt devastated, very sad.\u00a0 I walked out of that courtroom and it seemed very cold and I thought what was I after? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You say, \u201cYou went to the bank, and you make the statement in your book,\u201d \u201cOne life became two, just like that.\u201d\u00a0 Then you went over to his office.\u00a0 Why in the world did you go to his office?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I just thought it was the practical thing to do.\u00a0 I went straight from the courthouse to the bank, and I split up our assets, and they gave me two checks.\u00a0 I went over to Jeff\u2019s office. Deep down I actually thought that maybe Jeff would tell me that he didn\u2019t expect this to happen.\u00a0 I think I was actually looking for hope that my marriage wouldn\u2019t be over, and I was the one that let it be over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So you showed up at his office with here\u2019s your check, the divorce is over, see you later. Was that kind of it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, I walked in, and I was shaking.\u00a0 I was nervous.\u00a0 I walked in there and I looked across the room and I saw him sitting at his desk, and I started to tear up.\u00a0 I thought, \u201cThere\u2019s a wonderful man sitting there \u2013 he\u2019s the father of my kids, and I\u2019m here to give him his split half of our life together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of a sudden our life was changed and we were two different entities basically.\u00a0 I had so much emotion and I just was standing there looking at him still in disbelief, but I was the one that had pursued it for two years.\u00a0 So, I was pretty much dying inside.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t really sure how to react. When I saw him in there, I felt so sad because he had tried to keep our marriage together for a couple of years after he found out I wanted a divorce.\u00a0 I had nothing to do with it.\u00a0 I was very hard hearted at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>But, even then you walked out of the courtroom, you\u2019re thinking what have I just done? You walk over to your husband, give him the check, and now you are walking out of his office, are you thinking\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I had mixed emotions!\u00a0 What had led me into this to begin with was I\u2019d gotten involved with somebody else. It was really interesting, my heart felt torn. I thought what am I doing?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI felt like I was two different people living two different lives.\u00a0 My heart was so hard and it had been hard for many, many years in our marriage.\u00a0 That\u2019s what kind of led to me struggling with having an affair, how I got there in the first place.\u00a0 What was going on when I left the office was I just split up my family, and now I\u2019m going to pursue this other man that I thought I was in love with. So, I was so torn! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a house that I had already bought.\u00a0 Jeff and I had already split up our possessions and I had moved into my new house.\u00a0 I thought I was going to go to this brand new home, feel free, live this brand new life, and seek my soul mate who I had found a couple of years before.\u00a0 I felt devastated and happy all at the same time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We need to dial this back to 1982 \u2013 right?\u00a0 That\u2019s the year you got married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Tell us how you met? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We met in Memphis, Tennessee.\u00a0 Cheryl was a waitress at a restaurant\/bar.\u00a0 Can we say that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s what it was, isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s what it was!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is not a stodgy\u2026 Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is real life \u2013 right here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is real life baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Go for it baby!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, we met in 1982 in Memphis, Tennessee.\u00a0 Cheryl was working as a waitress at a restaurant\/bar and I came in with a friend of mine and saw her, and thought, \u201cWow \u2013 she\u2019s really attractive.\u201d\u00a0 So I asked to be sat in her section, and they sat me there.\u00a0 I started you know\u2026conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You started flirting with the waitress? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I started flirting with the waitress. Yes I did!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Flirt is an understatement! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, I think we\u2019ve established that the two of you were not a young couple seeking the Lord, living for Christ, trying to build your house and your marriage on biblical principles? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No \u2013 we definitely were not!\u00a0 Then, my Mom said to me a long time before that you know when you meet the guy you are going to marry, you are going to know it!\u00a0\u00a0 I really felt like that\u2019s what happened. It was kind of a love at first sight thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You didn\u2019t know anything about him!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I know, isn\u2019t that sad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I mean he\u2019s a cute guy all right, when he shows up at the bar, but what did you know about him \u2013 nothing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I knew nothing! I absolutely knew nothing, and like you said, \u201cI wasn\u2019t looking for a godly man.\u201d\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even know I was supposed to be looking for a godly man.\u00a0 All I knew is that he had a great personality, seemed like he was a lot of fun, and of course he was great looking.\u00a0 That\u2019s about all I was going on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So Jeff, it wasn\u2019t long after you dated, you got a promotion, you were going to have to move away from Memphis and so what did you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, we dated for about nine months, and Cheryl graduated from college and went to Dayton, Ohio for training with her new company.\u00a0 While she was gone I got transferred to Los Angeles in my new career.\u00a0 So, I picked Cheryl up when she came back from her training at the airport, and I said, \u201cWell I have good news and bad news.\u201d\u00a0 I whisked her off to our favorite Italian restaurant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Such a romantic!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes -I said, \u201cI\u2019ve got good news and bad news, what do you want to hear first?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWell, give me the bad news first!\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cWell, the bad news is, while you were gone I was transferred to Los Angeles, and then the good news is\u201d\u2026 Then the waiter walks up with a tray and he has the box and I get down on my knee and ask her to marry me!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes \u2013 it\u2019s incredible! It really was!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>So, he swept you off your feet, and you said, \u201cLet\u2019s go to LA!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>He did!\u00a0 Yes \u2013 we got married in two months, and moved to LA, and we were living the high life of Southern California.\u00a0 We were consumed with how much money we made, the right house \u2013 we basically had an ocean view home \u2013 it was beautiful.\u00a0 We drove the right cars, had the right stuff, looked like we were the perfect couple, and looked like we had the perfect marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Was there tension early on in the marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I would say, \u201cFor me there was undiagnosed tension.\u201d\u00a0 I guess that\u2019s what I would say. My reference for marriage was soap operas.\u00a0 I watched <em>One Life to Live<\/em> when I was growing up. I thought it would be extremely romantic.\u00a0 I thought we wouldn\u2019t fight or have any issues.\u00a0 I guess that we would never get tired. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, you had an ocean view! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What else do you need? That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes - what else do you need? Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, Jeff was happy go lucky.\u00a0 I was feeling a little\u2026 I just kind of chalked it up to PMS \u2013 really! I thought that it was probably just me adjusting.\u00a0 We did not know anyone in LA when we moved there.\u00a0 That was kind of a cool thing, but at the same time we were away from family and all of our friends \u2013 everybody we knew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What about you Jeff \u2013 what was marriage like for you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, you know I thought marriage was great.\u00a0 I loved Southern California.\u00a0 I loved my wife and I was excited about getting started and enjoying life together.\u00a0 So, for me things were perfect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When did there first start to be cracks in the foundation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, it really started with me.\u00a0 About two years into the marriage I noticed that I was feeling extremely empty.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t pinpoint it, and I grew up as the oldest of five children, type A personality; perfectionist: because it didn\u2019t look perfect anymore.\u00a0 I thought there was something wrong, and I felt like I wasn\u2019t connecting with my husband.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t figure out why I wasn\u2019t connecting with my husband.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI put the blame on me at first \u2013 like there was something wrong with me and I wasn\u2019t measuring up.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t all the things that I should be as a wife, as a business worker in sales: all those kinds of things.\u00a0 I started internalizing it, and what started to happen is that missing link I blamed it on it being a bad marriage.\u00a0 I thought I had married the wrong guy! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>By the way this is not abnormal!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is absolutely normal for a lot of people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It is \u2013 it really is!\u00a0 I want to say this, because I\u2019ve said it many times on the broadcast, \u201cThere is no seven year itch!\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s been cut in half and that was cut in half again.\u00a0 So, there are an enormous number of marriages where one or both go through a similar pattern what you are talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Right -a lot of times we see them even after six months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Where they are looking at each other and thinking I made a mistake.\u00a0 We just need to cash this thing in, cut our losses.\u00a0 You didn\u2019t have any kids at this point right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl: <\/strong>No kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Were you thinking \u2013 well let\u2019s just end it and be done?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I wasn\u2019t!\u00a0 Divorce was not on my radar at all.\u00a0 Leaving my marriage was not on my radar.\u00a0 All I kept thinking was I\u2019ve got to figure out a way to connect with my husband.\u00a0 I would try angles that were very discreet to try to get to know Jeff.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally what was going on inside of me is I was feeling insecure.\u00a0 I thought I wasn\u2019t measuring up.\u00a0 I thought if I told him that I felt weak in an area or I was angry with him that he would leave me.\u00a0 That\u2019s what I really thought!\u00a0 I didn\u2019t know why he married me in the first place. That\u2019s how insecure I was at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes, I was going to ask you because we get married to know another person and be known, and to be intimate.\u00a0 I was going to actually ask Jeff \u2013didn\u2019t she try to get your attention? Try to express what she was feeling?\u00a0 Or, did she hide all this from you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think she did a good job of hiding most of it from me.\u00a0 I knew from time to time that things weren\u2019t as deep as they should have been and I would try to talk to her and say, \u201cCheryl is everything okay, is there anything going on?\u00a0\u00a0 You want to talk about it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUsually she\u2019d say, \u201cEverything\u2019s going great \u2013 I\u2019m fine \u2013 there\u2019s nothing wrong!\u201d\u00a0 So, I really didn\u2019t pursue it.\u00a0 I took her at her word and believed her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In defense of Cheryl and women at this point \u2013 one of the things I\u2019ve learned about my wife\u2014you ask her what\u2019s wrong and she says, \u201cNothing\u201d \u2013 at that point, she\u2019s not lying \u2013 she just doesn\u2019t know what she\u2019s feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How to put words to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s a wise man who knows how to go after his wife in those situations.\u00a0 Again, on behalf of Cheryl, she was feeling very insecure so it wasn\u2019t like she was going to be forthcoming with what the truth really was there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You weren\u2019t thinking, \u201cI know how to spice up my marriage, I\u2019ll go have an affair\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, absolutely not!\u00a0 After the two year mark I was starting to feel empty and starting to fight this anger that I was starting to have for Jeff.\u00a0\u00a0 I started blaming him thinking that he wasn\u2019t the right guy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe didn\u2019t know how to connect with me.\u00a0 I had a huge job in California and I was very visible at my work.\u00a0 There were a lot of men that were paying attention to me.\u00a0 My parents actually own a golf course in Ohio and I was around a lot of men all my life anyway.\u00a0 I was kind of used to that. I just thought it was kidding and innocent flirting from both them and me.\u00a0 I really wasn\u2019t thinking much about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0What I started to realize about year three, four, or five is that I was looking more forward to going into work than I was coming home.\u00a0 I\u2019d labeled Jeff as very critical and demeaning.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t feel like I could talk to him, and so I just buried all that at home, and then I\u2019d get it out at work.\u00a0 So, I wasn\u2019t looking for anyone at work.\u00a0 No one ever approached me from the level of I want to be with you at that time.\u00a0 I just enjoyed what was going on and the attention that I was getting.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m embarrassed to talk about that now, but it was really what I was looking for at that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Here\u2019s what I want both of you to do.\u00a0 Speak Cheryl to a young lady who\u2019s listening and she is saying, \u201cYou\u2019re reading my mail.\u201d\u00a0 Jeff, in a moment after she shares, I want you to speak to the husband who is clueless and who doesn\u2019t know his wife\u2019s soul is dead, and their marriage is not vibrant.\u00a0 What would you say to that wife Cheryl?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cheryl:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>The mistake I made was hiding it all.\u00a0 The mistake I made was not going to my husband:\u00a0 I was fearful of expressing my emotions of being vulnerable \u2013 I had so much fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I realized later on is that in order to have an emotional connection with your spouse you have to be able to share what\u2019s on your heart.\u00a0 Jeff talks to guys a lot of times about to provide a safe place for a woman: to come and talk and to share her heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So, I would say the first thing is, to share with someone \u2013 a female that you are having issues and that you are not feeling like you\u2019re connected.\u00a0 Then, it\u2019s very important for you as a wife to go to your husband and talk to him.\u00a0 Sit him down \u2013 what I do with Jeff a lot of times is I pull his face forward with both my hands and I say, listen to me with your whole face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We get that picture! Jeff, what would you say to the men?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeff:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>First of all, date your wife on a regular basis, and then ask her, how are we doing?\u00a0 A lot of guys were like me, or are like me, there are asleep at the wheel and they don\u2019t even realize their wife has emotionally broken away from them.\u00a0 As Cheryl talks about \u2013 two years into the marriage she was emotionally divorcing me, and if you had asked me eight years into the marriage I would have told you our marriage was perfect.\u00a0 So I talk to the guys about that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also talk to them about the importance of having Christian community around them and some men that can speak into their lives \u2013 some godly men that are older, wiser, hopefully been married longer in a successful marriage and that can speak wisdom and truth into their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You know, what Jeff and Cheryl have described is what we talk about Friday night at the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.\u00a0 How the natural drift in every relationship is a drift toward isolation.\u00a0 Unless couples are intentional, purposeful, unless they really focus on coming together, they\u2019re just going to drift apart.\u00a0 It happened quickly for you guys, but it happens in every marriage unless you\u2019re intentional and purposeful the marriage is going to drift toward isolation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What couples get at the Weekend to Remember are the biblical blueprints for stopping that drift and moving toward oneness.\u00a0 It\u2019s built around such passages as Genesis chapter 2 \u2013 the end of the section there it says, \u201cLeave your father and mother, cleave to your wife\u201d \u2013 in other words make a commitment to your spouse, \u201cand then become one.\u201d\u00a0 Then the result is what Cheryl was looking for: \u201cAnd the man and his wife were both naked and they were not ashamed.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s not just the lack of clothing it\u2019s the concept of being transparent, being known, and knowing the other person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, I\u2019m glad you mentioned the Weekend to Remember because we have a number of our listeners who\u2019ve heard us reference it on numerous occasions.\u00a0 Now is the time to be building in your marriage.\u00a0 This economy, the challenges of this day demand that couples invest in their marriage.\u00a0 I frankly don\u2019t know of a better investment over a weekend that a couple can make: to go and get the biblical blueprints together as a couple, begin to apply them as a couple, and then leave there with hope, with vision, and with the skills and tools to be able to achieve why you got married in the first place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You talk about it being a good investment: particularly right now!\u00a0 This week and next week we\u2019re offering <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners an opportunity to attend the conference and if you and your spouse register to attend an upcoming conference at the regular price, we\u2019re going to send along a certificate for a second conference registration absolutely free.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you can bring another couple along with you, you can send it to somebody you know: it\u2019s a buy one get one free opportunity for the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.\u00a0 When you and your spouse register at the regular rate to attend a Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference another couple can attend as your guests absolutely free.\u00a0 Or, get another couple with you and just split the whole deal all the way around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo take advantage of this opportunity, you need to get in touch with us this week, or next week, and you need to let us know that you are a <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener, and you do that this way:\u00a0 if you are registering for a conference online you\u2019ll come to a promo code box that is on the form.\u00a0 Just type in my name: type in \u201cBob\u201d and automatically you are registered as a <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener, and we will get you all set up for this special offer for <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr, call 1-800-FLTODAY, register for an up-coming conference and just mention that you are a <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener, or mention my name \u2013 just say Bob told me to call and again you\u2019ll be all set to receive a second registration absolutely free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you need any more information, give us a call, or go on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com and do plan to attend one of these up-coming conferences.\u00a0 It really will be a great investment for your marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also encourage you while you are on our web site FamilyLifeToday.com \u2013 get a copy of the book that Jeff and Cheryl have written called <em>I Do Again. <\/em>It\u2019s a powerful story of hope and encouragement.\u00a0 A great story of reconciliation \u2013 you may know a couple you want to pass this book along to as a way of giving them hope and help for their marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we have copies of the book <em>I Do Again<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>resource center.\u00a0 You\u2019ll find more information on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com or call toll-free 1-800-FLTODAY. 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 When you call someone on our team will let you know how you can get a copy of this book sent to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, tomorrow we\u2019re going to hear more from Jeff and Cheryl, and we\u2019re going to hear really how the marriage had to finally fall completely apart before it could be put back together again. We\u2019ll hear more of their story tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301873","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301873"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301873"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301873"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301873"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}