{"id":301867,"date":"2009-07-28T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-28T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/defining-your-worldview\/"},"modified":"2009-07-28T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-28T15:00:00","slug":"defining-your-worldview","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/defining-your-worldview\/","title":{"rendered":"Defining Your Worldview"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you know what your worldview is?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-28.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.21M","filesize_raw":"11751424","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2855,2870],"tags":[4018,4928,2588],"podcast_series":[7662],"cwp_profile":[3048,9108],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301867","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teens","category-tweens","tag-dating","tag-high-school","tag-teens","podcast_series-so-youre-about-to-be-a-teenager","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","cwp_profile-various","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301867\/defining-your-worldview","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301867\/defining-your-worldview","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"w6Vev0H8ox\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/defining-your-worldview\/\">Defining Your Worldview<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/defining-your-worldview\/embed\/#?secret=w6Vev0H8ox\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Defining Your Worldview&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"w6Vev0H8ox\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine, and we're going to talk today about how parents can help preteens understand the issues that are just around the corner for them, and I'm wondering, as we begin today, do you remember these terms from your high school biology class \u2013 larva, pupa \u2013 do you remember pupa?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I've tried to forget those terms.\u00a0 High school biology was a painful experience for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You didn't do all that well in that?\u00a0 Well, I remember studying the metamorphosis of the caterpillar into the butterfly and how it goes through different stages \u2013 first, the larva stage and then the pupa and then the cocoon gets built, and then the butterfly emerges out of it, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In many respects, as our children go from being in the golden years that you like to describe \u2013 those preteen years.\u00a0 They're really in that larva\/pupa stage, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In a cocoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There comes this point where in a teenager's \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 they break out of the cocoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 At least they're knocking it around pretty hard.\u00a0 If they don't break through, they're knocking pretty hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, let me read to you what one of our listeners, a single mom of three children, ages 7, 10, and 13 wrote me \u2013 and she talked about a number of struggles she was having with her ex and speaking respectfully of him to the children and \u2013 just \u2013 the issues that go with divorce.\u00a0 But let me read about her biggest struggle.\u00a0 She said, \"I think my 13-year-old has been taken over by the pod people from another planet.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly, that's it.\u00a0 That's what happens to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \"She used to be so sweet and fun.\u00a0 Now she's crabby and always moody.\u00a0 Nothing is right for her.\u00a0 She complains about EVERYTHING!!!!\" \u2013 and that word \"everything\" is in all capital letters with four, count them, four exclamation marks.\u00a0 \"I greatly feel as though we are all walking on eggshells around her all the time.\u00a0 Please provide some form of transportation to the planet that my real daughter has been taken to.\u00a0 If that is not possible, I would really greatly appreciate any materials, resources, or books that you could suggest to make this easier.\u00a0 I have heard people refer to this as 'the teenage years.'\u00a0 Help!\u00a0 Sincerely and desperately,\" and then her name is signed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, whether it's the feeling that your sweet little boy has emerged from a cocoon and has turned into something else or whether you feel like there's been a hostile takeover by some group of aliens, we want to help you, as parents, better transition your preteen into the teenage years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And we want you to know that the staff here at FamilyLife is searching the universe to see if we can find the \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 the real planet \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 the planet with the pod people on it, and if you can send us a large donation, we'll try and go blow up that planet and save your teenager.\u00a0 No, we really can't do that, but what we can try to do is help you for that time when it does feel like your child has been taken over by pod people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, I don't want to give teenagers a bad rap, but teenagers can be, at times, a challenge.\u00a0 Even the best of young people, as they go through the teenage years, can be a challenge, and we love teenagers.\u00a0 It's a tremendous payoff time.\u00a0 I thoroughly enjoyed dating my teenage daughters; going hunting with my sons; it was a tremendous time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I'd be less than truthful if I didn't say, at times, the words of my mother were ringing in my ears.\u00a0 She used to threaten to pinch my head off.\u00a0 Bless her heart; she's in heaven right now smiling.\u00a0 But I understand those emotions of saying, \"How are we going to relate to our teenage young person?\"\u00a0 They're not the young boy or the sweet little girl that I used to cuddle with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This week, what we're attempting to do with our listeners, is \u2013 well \u2013 you know how when you go on a vacation, you usually do a little trip planning.\u00a0 You think ahead about where you're going to be staying and what you want to take with you, and you kind of have the trip mapped out in your mind?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Some of you are about to go on a trip through the teenage years with your child.\u00a0 You've got a 9-year-old, 10-year-old, 11-year-old, a 12-year-old, and adolescence hasn't really kicked in yet.\u00a0 You haven't seen the transformation starting to occur.\u00a0 We're trying to say, \"Let's think together about some trip planning you can do now so that when the bus takes off, and the teenager starts emerging as a little different species than what you've had around the house before, you are a little better prepared and maybe your teen is a little better prepared as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Barbara and I, along with Rebecca and Samuel, decided we wanted to create a resource, a tool that would come alongside a Christian parent and would reinforce what moms and dads are attempting to communicate from their hearts to their child's heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I know in your sixth grade Sunday school class that you used to teach, you would bring in a panel of mature young people who were 18, 19, 20.\u00a0 You would interview those young people in front of the sixth graders so that the kids could hear not just Mr. Rainey's advice on the teenage years, but could hear from somebody who was right there in the thick of it or at the tail-end of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 We always like to talk with them about their relationship with their parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The parents were also, many of them, in the back of the room, and they were on the edge of their seat, too, wanting to hear what these older teenagers had to say.\u00a0 We had this same kind of experience about a year ago, when we gathered together a whole roomful of preteens and brought in two young men and two young women, 18, 19, 20 years old, and re-created some of that experience that you'd have in the sixth grade Sunday school class.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the issues we addressed with this panel was about the relationship the young people had had with their parents as they went through the teenage years, and we want our listeners to maybe move to the edge of the radio right now, because we want you to hear a little bit of that panel interaction as we ask them about their relationship with their parents during the teen years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(taped interview)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Why do you think it's important during the teenage years to keep your relationship with your parents strong and obey them?\u00a0 Grant, why would you say that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, man, you know, because they've been there, and they've done it, and my relationship with my parents wasn't so bad.\u00a0 But my older brother \u2013 they fought a lot, and they would always say that we're not your enemy, we're your friend.\u00a0 They have your best interests at heart, and if you're never home, you can't take advantage of that.\u00a0 And that's what I'd say, because you're going to experience more joy in life if you listen to them than doing what you think is right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are there still times when you'll say, \"I'm going to go with my friends and do this,\" and your parents will go, \"No, I don't think that's a good idea,\" and you go, \"What's wrong with that?\"\u00a0 And they go, \"We don't want you to do it.\u00a0 We don't feel comfortable with that.\"\u00a0 You go well why?\u00a0 And they don't have a good reason.\u00a0 Does that happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, sometimes it does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Doesn't that make you mad when they can't give you a good reason for something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 It does.\u00a0 It makes you really mad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So what do you do?\u00a0 Do you go up to your room and slam the door?\u00a0 How do you \u2013 when you get mad, what do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 I avoid my parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do they know you're mad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're just kind of \u2013 you get away from them and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 go to my cave and hang out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And then you just wait there 'til you're not mad anymore?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 How long does that take?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 I don't know a few hours or so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You'd just be up in the cave for a few hours getting un-mad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Does the bear come out and apologize?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 He doesn't apologize.\u00a0 I guess you just kind of accept what they have to say and move on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you finally relent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 Basically, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And agree with your parents?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Grant:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(end of taped interview)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is Grant.\u00a0 I wonder how often Grant was in the cave during the teenage years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You got the feeling that he may have been sent to the cave a couple of times.\u00a0 You know, the thing that we need to realize, as parents, is while they're young we need to become a student of our children.\u00a0 Our children are different.\u00a0 Some are going to need space when they lock up emotionally with us.\u00a0 Others need us to pursue them.\u00a0 And, you know, I wish I could give parents an equation here, Bob, but there is no equation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery child is different.\u00a0 In fact, they may be different tomorrow than they are today.\u00a0 A young person may need you to follow them upstairs after they slam the door, say, five minutes later.\u00a0 Another young person may just need to soak and sulk and be allowed to have a pity party in their own room.\u00a0 But the bottom line is, as parents, we need to ask God for wisdom to know how to respond to our children and then occasionally ask your young person \u2013 how would you like me to respond?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We had an opportunity with the panel, as we were gathered that evening, to ask them about times when they got locked up with their parents, when they got angry, and what it felt like from their side, as a teenager.\u00a0 And, I'll tell you, this is a subject that all of them were able to engage on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And if this little clip doesn't do anything else but just bring some comfort to some dear moms and dads and single parents who are raising preteens and teens right now, but to let them know that there are Christian families who have teenagers who, yes, get so angry that they scream, they cry \u2013 I just think you'll find these young people's comments quite interesting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(taped interview)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did any of the four of you ever get so mad that you just screamed at your parents because they wouldn't let you do something, or you just cried because they wouldn't let you do something, or you just \u2013 Rebecca, you did?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you scream or cry or both?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 I cried a lot.\u00a0 I'm a very emotional person.\u00a0 I cry all the time.\u00a0 I'm working on that.\u00a0 I can't remember a specific moment, because I'm sure it happened a lot, but I cried a lot.\u00a0 I would just break down in tears.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You would want to do something; they would say, \"No, you can't do it,\" and you would just cry?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I thought that they were just out to, you know, make my life miserable, and I had the worst picture of my parents.\u00a0 A lot of the times, for me growing up, I did have a lot of friends, because they trusted me \u2013 respecting your parents builds trust.\u00a0 But I do remember times that they would \u2013 if they did say no \u2013 and I know that it was for my own good \u2013 but there were a couple of times I didn't want to be submissive to the authority, and I was, like, I just want you to understand why I want to go.\u00a0 I didn't think they understood me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you remember a specific time they said no about something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, there was a New Year's Eve party at some friends \u2013 at their lake house \u2013 and I wanted to go, and they kind of said no, and then I just kind of kept reopening that book, and it was still no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, what grade were you in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, I was kind of older, too \u2013 I think 11th.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's 11th grade, so you're, what, 17 years old.\u00a0 Some friends are going up to a lake house for a New Year's Eve party.\u00a0 Is it, like, they're all just going to stay up there overnight?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mm-hm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is it all girls or girls and guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was girls and guys from church, and his parents were going to be there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The parents are going to be there, so the guys are going to be in one place, the girls are going to be the other, so \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 there's two parts of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, and so your parents are, like, \"We're just not \u2013 we don't feel comfortable with that,\" and you're going, \"All of my friends are going, and I\u2019m the only one\" \u2013 and then you have to explain to your friends that your parents won't let you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And there's something about telling your friends that your parents \u2013 I would think it would be easy to say, \"I can't go because my parents won't let me go,\" and yet, somehow, it seems really hard to say that to your friends.\u00a0 It makes you feel like you're just a little kid, is that what it is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong>\u00a0 That you're not big enough to go but think you are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, you guys, Andrew \u2013 did you have a good relationship with your parents during your junior high and high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Andrew:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was a little rocky.\u00a0 I didn't obey them like I should.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0How did you disobey your parents?\u00a0 You said you didn't obey them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Andrew:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, by going places they told me not to go to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Would you lie to your parents about going to those places?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Andrew:<\/strong>\u00a0 I didn't lie.\u00a0 I just pretty much left the house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Just didn't tell them where you were going?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Andrew:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 I'd say where I'm going and go there, and then go to a different place as well.\u00a0 That was my trick.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you didn't tell the whole truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Andrew:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, I told them a little bit, but doing some stuff on the side.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(end of interview)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You never did that, did you, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am guilty of having done that and, I have to tell you, at our house we've had to have some training on the fact that the truth \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 partial truth is a lie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, that intent to deceive is a part of telling a lie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And, even as we play that little clip, there are a lot of parents who are cringing because they are reliving some of their own deceit, and they're thinking, \"Oh, I pray my kids will not be like that.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 Our kids are going to make mistakes.\u00a0 They are going to scream at us.\u00a0 They may cry a lot, pitch fits, they may tell a total lie or a partial lie or a white lie, but they need parents.\u00a0 They need parents to be the adults, and they don't need us to scream back at them.\u00a0 They need us to speak respectfully to them and to recognize the image of God in our preteen and our teenager.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think sometimes when they are acting these ways, it's very difficult \u2013 at least it was for Barbara and me \u2013 for us to remain objective.\u00a0 And this is why a Christian parent must walk in the power of the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 You, as a mom, as a dad, before you say anything, before you lash out, before you're tempted to get angry right back at them, you have to say, \"Oh, Lord God, help me control my tongue, and may Your Spirit control me, as a parent right now, as I represent You to this young person.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 In the same way that a child's relationship with his parents changes as he moves into the teenage years, for a lot of kids, there comes a time at the end of the teenage years where the relationship changes again, and it doesn't become what it was when they were 9 or 10, but there is a fresh sweetness, a maturity to the relationship that comes back in, and we asked the panel about whether their relationship with their parents changed as they got near the end of their teenage years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(taped interview)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to ask the panel how your relationship with your parents changed as you moved into the teenage years, junior high?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katy:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'll start with that one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Okay, Katy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katy:<\/strong>\u00a0 When I was in ninth grade, I had been friends with a bunch of girls for a while, and we would hang out a lot, and then, I think it was ninth grade, I spent every Friday night out from my home, and every Sunday morning, I would sit with my friends, and I did that for about a year, maybe two.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust looking back on that, by the end of that second year or so, I remember looking at other kids who sat with their parents and I thought, \"I'm missing out, sitting with my parents,\" or looking back now, having a very close relationship with my parents, I missed out a lot \u2013 not that spending the night is wrong, but just \u2013 there is precious time with your parents and sitting at church with my mom and dad now, I can't believe I didn't want to.\u00a0 If I would change anything, it would be \u2013 just being with them and enjoying that time and not trying to get away from it because now we're old enough to get away from it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But when you're in the ninth grade, I mean, Friday night at home with the fam \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katy:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 oh, no, not \u2013 I can remember every Friday night for almost a whole year \u2013 which was fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, you know, on Friday night your family is just at home doing nothing \u2013 that's boring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Katy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's precious time \u2013 now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(end of tape)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are some parents who are wondering \u2013 will my child ever think that time with the family is precious time, because all they want to do is get away from us right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yeah, they do, but, you know, she really touched on something, Bob, that I want to reinforce with parents.\u00a0 We always ask our children to sit with us at church \u2013 that was a non-negotiable \u2013 primarily because I enjoyed my children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI liked sitting by them, and I like giving them a hug in the middle of the service, and also because there are so many activities in their lives and in our lives that take us in different directions and it's just a season.\u00a0 And you know what?\u00a0 They didn't necessarily always want to sit with us.\u00a0 They tried to get out of it and go sit with others but, finally, we never gave in so they gave up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I'd just encourage \u2013 whether you're a single parent or a two-parent family \u2013 I would just encourage you, you know what?\u00a0 Just agree to your non-negotiables about some things, and I wouldn't bend.\u00a0 Just say no, no, we're the parents.\u00a0 Let's go.\u00a0 We love you.\u00a0 It's going to be okay.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know the sun will come up tomorrow.\u00a0 Your friends will still be there on Monday.\u00a0 Now come and sit with us and worship together.\u00a0 Just listening to Katy brought back some great, great memories of all the years, all the Sundays when we worshiped together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are parents who are listening to us who are in the thick of the teenage years, some of the challenges that they face during those years with their children, and they're wondering, \"How do I get help for the issues that we're going through right now?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and Barbara wrote the book, <em>Parenting Today's Adolescent<\/em> to try to encourage those parents with some specifics on issues that they're going to face during those years, and some ideas, some strategies, to implement if you're in the middle of the battle.\u00a0 But the best thing you can do is to be proactive, and if your kids aren't yet teenagers, don't wait for the issues to emerge.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnticipate, talk about, prepare, sound the alarm, get with your kids and say, \"We know this is coming.\u00a0 We know there are going to be days you think we took dumb pills,\" and when you do that, then when you are in the middle of it, you can both look and say, \"You know, we talked about the fact that we'd get locked up like this,\" and we did, and it's not unusual, and we love each other, and we're going to make our way through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, and use a resource like Samuel and Rebecca and Barbara and I created for your preteen.\u00a0 This book, <em>So You're About to be a Teenager<\/em>, is an edgy looking book.\u00a0 When you \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tgive it to your preteen, you can say, \"You know, here, why don't you take a look at this?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd what I would encourage you to do, and I wish I had $5, $10, to pay to every 11 \u2013 well \u2013 10, 11, 12-year-old, maybe even a 13-year-old, who would read this book.\u00a0 In fact, I've done this to a lot of kids.\u00a0 I've said, \"If you'll read my book, I'll give you $5, or I'll give you $10.\"\u00a0 And I didn't do many of them; by the way, I just wanted you to know.\u00a0 But I wanted some children to read it and give me some feedback when it was in manuscript form.\u00a0 I want to tell you, they gave me some great feedback.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you want to know what the high point of the book was?\u00a0 Near the end of the book, it's a series of what we call \"Extreme Life Promises\" \u2013 12 commitments your preteen can make in advance of facing the issues of the teenage years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so they can decide, in advance, are they going to smoke?\u00a0 Are they going to drink?\u00a0 Do drugs?\u00a0 Have sex?\u00a0 When are they going to date?\u00a0 What will be their attitude toward you, as a parent?\u00a0 And it calls them to sign their name and date it to each of these 12 Extreme Life Promises, and I had many of the young people I paid $5 to read this book come back and tell me that was their favorite part.\u00a0 Now, isn't that interesting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou would think this generation of young people would say, \"Oh, Mr. Rainey, give us something that has no boundaries.\"\u00a0 I think the opposite is occurring.\u00a0 I think young people today are desperate for someone to step into their lives and say, \"You know what?\u00a0 Here is the truth.\u00a0 This is the unchanging truth of God's Word and, you, as a young person, need to be called to it rather than we, as an older generation, reshaping and re-bending that truth to make it more palatable, to make it taste better to you, as a young person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, the fact that you don't have the $5, $10 bribe for all of the listeners' kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's not a bribe, it's not a bribe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Incentive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It's a motivator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 The fact that you can't provide the incentive, Mom and Dad can provide that incentive, right?\u00a0 You can get a copy of the book called, \"So You're About to be a Teenager.\"\u00a0 Go to your son or daughter and say, \"I've got a book here.\u00a0 I'd like to pay you to read the book.\u00a0 I'll give you $10 after you've read it.\u00a0 I'll ask you a few questions just to make sure that you completed the assignment appropriately.\u00a0 You may have to go back and re-read in order to earn your full $10,\" but that would be a strategy you could employ to get a preteen connected around these issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, I'll tell you again, what we're trying to encourage parents to do is address these issues with their children before they wrap themselves in the cocoon, before they shut themselves off from the outside world, and quit listening to you and stick their fingers in their ears and say, \"Naah, naaah, I'm not listening to you.\"\u00a0 We want you to be connected so that you can make the trip through the teenage years a little more comfortably.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe've got the book, <em>So You're About to be a Teenager<\/em> in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLife Today.com.\u00a0 There is more information about the book there.\u00a0 There is also information about <em>Passport to Purity<\/em> resource that our team has put together to help a mom and a daughter and a father and a son get away for a weekend and have a fun time together and unpack some of these issues.\u00a0 There are projects and CDs you listen to and it\u2019s all designed to help you with your preteen get them ready for the teen years.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll the information about the book and <em>Passport to Purity<\/em> resource can be found online at FamilyLife Today.com.\u00a0 Or call toll free 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften as we get feedback from listeners about what we are talking about on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> we hear some stories from listeners that are heartbreaking.\u00a0 Some of them are about teenage rebellion that we\u2019re hearing about or a prodigal son or daughter or marital issues that couples are going through.\u00a0 There is a lot of real life happening in families and a lot of hard issues that families are facing.\u00a0 It encourages us that folks do turn to us for help and for hope. We want to be able to provide resources whether it is books or past radio programs conversations that people can listen to.\u00a0 Practical advice that\u2019s anchored in the Scriptures that\u2019s our mission.\u00a0 To see every home become a godly home and to provide those resources to folks who need help and need hope.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to take a minute and say thanks to those of you who support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> you help make that possible.\u00a0 When folks do get in touch with us we are able to provide recommendations and resources that you have helped us put together so that we can strengthen families and provide encouragement for couples.\u00a0 If you are able to help with a donation of any amount to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this month we\u2019d like to send you a thank you gift.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur team has put together <em>The Five Essentials for a Thriving Marriage<\/em> card.\u00a0 These are the five things that Dennis and Barbara have reflected and say every married couple needs to keep these issues at the forefront of their relationship in order for that relationship to be strong and connected.\u00a0 The card is something that we will send to you as a way of saying thank you for your financial support which we always appreciate especially here in the summer.\u00a0 It\u2019s very encouraging to get a donation online or somebody calling to make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are donating online this month when you get to the key code box in the online donation form if you\u2019d like to receive <em>The Five Essentials for a Thriving Marriage<\/em> card just type the word \u201cthrive\u201d in the key code box and we\u2019ll send it to you.\u00a0 Or if you are making your donation by phone call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family \u201cL\u201d as in Life and then the word TODAY and just mention that you\u2019d like the five essentials card and we\u2019ll send it to you as our way of saying thank you for your financial support of this ministry and this program.\u00a0 We do appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we are going to hear some interesting things that the older teens had to say to the younger teens about boy-girl relationships.\u00a0 They had gained a little wisdom along the way and we\u2019ll hear how the older kids coached the younger kids tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for Today.\u00a0 Hope for Tomorrow.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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