{"id":301866,"date":"2009-07-24T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-24T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/laying-the-ground-rules\/"},"modified":"2009-07-24T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-24T15:00:00","slug":"laying-the-ground-rules","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/laying-the-ground-rules\/","title":{"rendered":"Laying the Ground Rules"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you agree with the way your spouse handles the finances?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"12.42M","filesize_raw":"13025147","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2851],"tags":[4925,4525,4853],"podcast_series":[7404],"cwp_profile":[3151],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301866","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-finances","tag-budgets","tag-finances","tag-money","podcast_series-you-paid-how-much-for-that","cwp_profile-scott-stanley","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301866\/laying-the-ground-rules","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301866\/laying-the-ground-rules","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"vuLlSAaKvz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/laying-the-ground-rules\/\">Laying the Ground Rules<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/laying-the-ground-rules\/embed\/#?secret=vuLlSAaKvz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Laying the Ground Rules&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"vuLlSAaKvz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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<\/strong>\u00a0You know, and he's saying, \"Okay, I'll solve this for you.\u00a0 I'll take it back, and then you'll be happy, right?\"\u00a0 Well, no, she won't be happy because he won't be happy because there's really a bigger issue here about values and priorities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, let me give you an example.\u00a0 A couple that we worked with where they were married just six months, lots of potential, lots of strengths, committed couple, nice couple.\u00a0 But six months into marriage, she was just feeling terrible about how much time he was spending watching football on TV.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe way she initially expressed the concern, it really came across as \"You're hogging the TV.\u00a0 I don't even know what comes on anymore.\u00a0 I can't get at the TV because\" \u2013 they have one TV, and \"You're always on it watching TV.\"\u00a0 He was defensive about watching football and how important football is to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if they ran out and bought a second TV \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 That will fix it, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, exactly.\u00a0 And, of course, it won't, because her issue isn't him hogging the TV, her issue is how come six months into marriage you would rather be watching football all the time than talking with me or spending some time with me?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's the real issue, and that's the one you don't hear.\u00a0 You see it \u2013 you see evidence of it all over the couple, and she certainly felt it, but if he's really listening to her, and it's safe for her to say it, she can get to a different level and say, \"I'm feeling like you do not want to be with me.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, as I'm listening to these ground rules, I want to park all these on our website, FamilyLifeToday.com \u2013 put all six of them on there.\u00a0 The last one is a good one.\u00a0 Barbara would say she knows why I would pick this \u2013 \"We will take time for the great things \u2013 fun\" \u2013 Barbara would say, \"Yeah, that's right, fun \u2013 friendship \u2013 and what's the last one?\u00a0 My glasses aren't focusing on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sensuality?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's in a book about money?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>\u00a0I'm afraid so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What are you speaking of there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong>\u00a0 Sex.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You're a researcher.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Have you ever heard of it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I \u2013 definitely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong>\u00a0 There's this \"two becomes one\" idea early in Scripture, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 this is in a book about money.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you know, it turns out that money can't buy me love, and what really draws couples together are \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0You're saying that this area relates to the financial area of a couple?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, because this is fundamental to doing well in life.\u00a0 You know, money matters, and a lot of matters have to do with money, but what really matters more is the friendship in the marriage, the doing fun things, the central connection, the spiritual connection \u2013 those are the great things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI give this illustration now in lots of workshops.\u00a0 I put up a picture of our puppy the day we brought him home.\u00a0 We have this little white Bichon, and it's adorable.\u00a0 Imagine just an adorable picture of a little puppy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI make the point to couples \u2013 I say this \u2013 \"Look, when you are thinking of getting a puppy, and you see this face in the store, notice this \u2013 you fall in love with the front end of the puppy.\u00a0 But every puppy has a back end, and every marriage has a back end, and one of the problems with marriage, over time, is we're so busy dealing with money and bills and kids and house repairs and all this kind of stuff, that we stop making time for the front end of the puppy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the back end of the puppy is really important.\u00a0 If we don't handle it well, if we don't structure that some, and determine where \u2013 see, the back end is the where and the when and handling it carefully.\u00a0 But we have to make room for the front end or else we forget why we wanted to bring that puppy home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, you can look at a marriage, and if a couple says, \"It's been a while since we've laughed together,\" \"It's been a while since we've just gotten away and done something fun,\" \"We haven't had a season like \u2013 we haven't had a night like \u2013 we haven't had an hour like that in a while\"\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u2026 and it can be money, Bob, that sends couples off into kind of a drought-like experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is amazing, though, how when a couple is able to get away and spend some uninterrupted time just the two of them together focused on their relation.\u00a0 That breathes a refreshing breath of new air into a marriage relationship.\u00a0 We\u2019ve heard that from tens of thousands of couples who have attended our FamilyLife Weekend to Remember marriage conferences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just thinking about the fact that six months ago we were encouraging <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to consider becoming legacy partners.\u00a0 A legacy partner is somebody who helps support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on a monthly basis.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe told folks if you\u2019d agree to sign up to become a legacy partner and if you make your donation via credit card each month we\u2019ll send you a certificate to attend a Weekend to Remember marriage conference as our guest.\u00a0 We\u2019ll pay the registration fee for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had more than a thousand people sign up as legacy partners and we now have heard back from a lot of folks who not only continue to support the ministry but also attended one of these conferences in the spring.\u00a0 Again they tell us that just that time away was refreshing for them as a couple and helped them get refocused on the priorities of a marriage relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mention that because this month we are once again asking folks to consider becoming a legacy partner.\u00a0 Once again if you will agree to support the ministry and make a donation each month via recurring credit card draft we will send you a certificate for a Weekend to Remember marriage conference.\u00a0 You can attend any of the conferences you\u2019d like in any of the cities where we are hosting them this fall.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll the details can be found online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 Go to our web site and the information you need is available there.\u00a0 Again it\u2019s FamilyLife Today.com.\u00a0 When you sign up as a new legacy partner there\u2019s a welcome kit we send you that has a lot of helpful resources in it.\u00a0 Again if you sign up via recurring credit card draft we\u2019ll also send you a certificate for a Weekend to Remember marriage conference.\u00a0 We hope you\u2019ll consider doing that. We want to say thanks in advance for your support of this ministry and your financial partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLe t me also encourage you when you are online at FamilyLife Today.com get more information from a helpful book by our friend Howard Dayton.\u00a0 He\u2019s just finished a book called <em>Money and Marriage God\u2019s Way<\/em> and it\u2019s the kind of resource that can assist couples who are struggling in the area we\u2019ve talked about this week with practical, biblical wisdom on financial issues and how those impact a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind more online at FamilyLife Today.com and you can order from us online as well or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329 and someone on our team can let you know how you can get Howard\u2019s book sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I hope you have a great weekend this weekend.\u00a0 I hope you and your family are able to worship together.\u00a0 And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to hear the advice that older teens give to younger teens about what they\u2019d do differently as they head into the teenage years.\u00a0 It\u2019s fascinating to hear what these teenagers have to say.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks today to our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Have a great weekend.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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