{"id":301862,"date":"2009-07-16T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-16T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-teens-cry-for-help\/"},"modified":"2009-07-16T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-16T15:00:00","slug":"a-teens-cry-for-help","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-teens-cry-for-help\/","title":{"rendered":"A Teen\u2019s Cry for Help"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do you do with a teen who\u2019s out of control?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-16.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"13.41M","filesize_raw":"14056767","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2855],"tags":[4705,4988,4928,2588],"podcast_series":[7660],"cwp_profile":[9171,9170],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301862","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teens","tag-college","tag-graduation","tag-high-school","tag-teens","podcast_series-finding-help-for-your-troubled-teen","cwp_profile-george-and-livia-dunklin","cwp_profile-mark-gregston","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301862\/a-teens-cry-for-help","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301862\/a-teens-cry-for-help","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"MQqOnRSUU0\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-teens-cry-for-help\/\">A Teen\u2019s Cry for Help<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-teens-cry-for-help\/embed\/#?secret=MQqOnRSUU0\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Teen\u2019s Cry for Help&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"MQqOnRSUU0\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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control?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George:<\/strong>\u00a0 We didn\u2019t have drugs, sex, alcohol.\u00a0 Those weren\u2019t Megan\u2019s issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We were exceptionally close.\u00a0 In fact all three of the girls were.\u00a0 I think that was probably the same with her two sisters trying to figure out how it started and where it was going and how to stop it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 It was an anger issue more than anything.\u00a0 It was her frustrations and her outbursts would be an uncontrollable type of anger.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 We had agreed ahead of time if it got to a certain point, and I think the point came when her sisters were afraid.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 That was a tough one.\u00a0 That was a hard one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 16th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 What can you do as a parent when a son or daughter is out of control?\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 When you are watching certain events in Olympic competition, sometimes the judges will talk about the degree of difficulty that the particular event has. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Like diving.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or gymnastics will have degrees of difficulty.\u00a0 When you talk about parenting there ought to be a degree of difficulty scale there too, it seems to me.\u00a0 Parenting is a challenge but sometimes the parenting challenge can be a real high degree of difficulty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s funny, Bob.\u00a0 I\u2019ve written a book about parenting and made the mistake of writing it before I was finished parenting.\u00a0 God had a few more things to teach me about parenting and about being His child in the process.\u00a0 I have a real heart for parents who from time to time struggle with a child who is pushing back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe they\u2019re living at home and they\u2019re pushing back.\u00a0 In my book <em>Parenting Today\u2019s Adolescent<\/em> I refer to them as in-house prodigals.\u00a0 There are those who leave the house and who struggle and who act out against their parents or reject the faith they have been brought up with.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve invited some folks into our studio today to have a chat about their experience with children who struggle from time to time.\u00a0 I think there are a lot more parents who are in this category than would raise their hands.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomehow the shame of not having everything work out perfectly, I think, is huge especially within the community of faith, the Christian community.\u00a0 I am excited that we have some folks here who have not only experienced this but have seen God do some very special things.\u00a0 George and Livia Dunklin join us along with Mark Gregston.\u00a0 Mark, Livia, George, welcome to the broadcast.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Guests:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you very much.\u00a0 It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Mark and his wife Jan have been in ministry for more than three decades.\u00a0 They have two grown children.\u00a0 They give leadership for a ministry that is headquartered near Longview, Texas.\u00a0 It\u2019s called Heart Light Ministries, working with children who struggle from time to time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge and Livia are neighbors, sort of, from DeWitt, Arkansas.\u00a0 They are rice farmers and also do a little duck hunting on the side, which I find interesting.\u00a0 They have three daughters.\u00a0 It\u2019s really their oldest daughter that we wanted to talk about here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 It\u2019s Megan.\u00a0 Megan started pushing back when she became a teenager.\u00a0 When did you first sense that maybe she was struggling a bit with the whole process of growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 Seventh and Eighth grade is when we saw the change.\u00a0 When there was an event that happened in the eighth grade that caused the principal from her middle school to call me to come and get her.\u00a0 She had told the principal and I that day that she didn\u2019t want to be the good girl.\u00a0 She was tired of being the good girl.\u00a0 She wanted to be the bad girl.\u00a0 The principal allowed her to be the bad girl and sent her home for three days.\u00a0 That\u2019s the first that we saw that we really had some issues we were having trouble getting our arms around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 George, as her dad, did you notice that she was running around with the wrong group?\u00a0 Was their any kind of hint in terms of peer pressure that she was beginning to give in to or just was an issue of her attitude?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 No.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t have a lot of friends.\u00a0 Megan is a little bit of a loner.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a problem with the wrong people.\u00a0 There certainly was a group there that would have liked to have had her join their club.\u00a0 That was a great concern of ours that we could go down that wrong road.\u00a0 We weren\u2019t going down, but we certainly could start down.\u00a0 It was mainly attitude, lack of respect for her parents and for others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Livia, let me ask you what was going on in your heart as a mom when you got the call that your husband needed to come down to the school and pick up your daughter because there was a problem?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 Probably more confusion than anything else.\u00a0 Trying to figure out, I think that was the basis of all this.\u00a0 She was trying to figure out where she was.\u00a0 I was trying to figure out who she was and how this all transpired.\u00a0 That\u2019s probably the best way to summarize.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did you have a good relationship with her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 We did.\u00a0 We were exceptionally close.\u00a0 In fact all three of the girls were.\u00a0 I think that was probably the same with her two sisters trying to figure out how it started and where it was going and how to stop it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s interesting.\u00a0 This is a tough time for a young person to grow up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 Especially girls, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I really agree with you.\u00a0 I felt like it was more challenging to raise our daughters than our sons, not that our sons didn\u2019t have their moments.\u00a0 For a young lady to kind of find herself and for her to find her way in the midst of the conflicting signals and the messages of this culture.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge, I\u2019m going to put you on the spot at this point and then I\u2019m going to come to you, Mark, and ask you to comment on this.\u00a0 If you could\u2019ve had someone to come into your home and wrap their arms around you and Livia and said, \u201cLet me just coach you a little bit here at this first juncture, this first event that you\u2019ve had with your daughter.\u201d\u00a0 What do you wish somebody would have said to you at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 That we are not alone, number one.\u00a0 You feel like as parents that you are the only one.\u00a0 You are isolated on an island.\u00a0 That we\u2019re doing something that\u2019s wrong.\u00a0 We\u2019re doing something wrong as a parent.\u00a0 That there\u2019s help.\u00a0 That there\u2019s hope.\u00a0 Mark and I talked about that.\u00a0 That was one of the first questions I had for Mark when we went down to see him.\u00a0 Is there hope?\u00a0 He said, \u201cYes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s five or six years since this event.\u00a0 You\u2019re emotional about it even as we speak.\u00a0 The shame that a parent feels is real, isn\u2019t it?<br><br><strong>George<\/strong>: Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The sense of feeling like you failed.\u00a0 Where did I go wrong?\u00a0 I understand that.\u00a0 I really do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mark, when a dad hears from his daughter in the eighth grade, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be the good girl any more.\u00a0 I want to be the bad girl.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a scary thing to hear.\u00a0 You wonder, \u201cWhat do I do now?\u201d<br><br><strong>Mark<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes, it is.\u00a0 I think one of the hardest things for somebody to understand is: most kids want to fit in with other people.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t normally fit in through all of the healthy avenues, then a child\u2019s going to fit in through all of the unhappy avenues.\u00a0 They\u2019re going to do whatever it takes to fit in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA child is basically saying, \u201cThis stuff you are teaching me isn\u2019t working.\u00a0 It\u2019s just not working the way that I\u2019d like for it to in the society and in the culture that I\u2019m in.\u00a0 So I\u2019m going to try something different.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s where the focus has got to be.\u00a0 What is not working?\u00a0 What are we not helping?\u00a0 Or is this a bigger problem that we don\u2019t know about yet that\u2019s going to present itself in the future?<br><br><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You\u2019re saying that the longing to belong in the heart of a teenager is so profound that he or she will jump over a lot of hurdles and cross a lot of boundaries just to have that sense of acceptance from a peer group.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark<\/strong>:\u00a0 No doubt.\u00a0 I think the encouragement to families is that it\u2019s okay to struggle.\u00a0 There is something about allowing a child to struggle so that they may have guilt for their wrongdoing but they don\u2019t move into shame thinking that there is something wrong with them.\u00a0 You are at a crossroads.\u00a0 It\u2019s just telling parents: don\u2019t be afraid of that crossroads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Don\u2019t give energy to the crisis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Because the tendency is: the energy to the crisis is, we\u2019re going to be negative and shaming them in some way, which just pushes them further and further into the mess.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They really need the love of Christ.\u00a0 Interestingly so do the parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark<\/strong>:\u00a0 Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That is what George was expressing.\u00a0 Livia, the struggle for a mom watching her daughter not do well is tough for a mom, isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 It is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 How did you take it?\u00a0 What did you feel as you were watching your daughter struggle?\u00a0 You know it\u2019s a little bit like the caterpillar and the butterfly.\u00a0 They are breaking out of the cocoon.\u00a0 You see them struggling.\u00a0 You know it\u2019s going to be ultimately good but you haven\u2019t seen the butterfly emerge yet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 Part of the thing with Megan, I noticed too, was sometimes you\u2019d have to go through the experiences.\u00a0 You could talk all you wanted to and give scenarios but until she actually experienced different things the point wasn\u2019t made.\u00a0 So unfortunately we had to let her go through some of those experiences in order to see her grow and knowing that the potential was there and how to get her to achieve the potential, I guess was probably one of the hardest things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 In other words letting her experience the pain of her choices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s really tough to watch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 With her being the oldest the other two have had, I guess you would say, an example to know how to do and how not to do.\u00a0 She being the eldest and not having a whole lot of people to watch and pattern after I think probably had a lot to do with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is your first time raising teenagers.\u00a0 You\u2019ve never been down this path before either.\u00a0 As things progressed starting with this incident in the eighth grade and as ninth grade and tenth grade went along, were you watching her spiral more and more into a bad place?<br><br><strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 I don\u2019t know necessarily if she was at the place yet, but we saw that it would be.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s when we phoned\u2026.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 That\u2019s when we made the decision to send her to Heart Light.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Talk about what impact this had on your marriage.\u00a0 I compare when a child is not doing well.\u00a0 It\u2019s like the whole solar system stops revolving around the sun and instead it shifts and revolves around Saturn or Pluto.\u00a0 Everything changes in the home where the child becomes the center of the attention and can distract the marriage.\u00a0 Did it take its toll on your marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 Sure.\u00a0 On the whole family.\u00a0 That\u2019s what ends us making that decision to take your child is to save the marriage and the family.\u00a0 What\u2019s best for the family is that we need to get help for us to help Megan.\u00a0 That\u2019s what Heart Light did for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mark, for a family to make a decision to remove a child from the home in the junior high or high school years.\u00a0 Maybe we should explain:\u00a0 Heart Light is a residential program for troubled teens.\u00a0 For 30 years now you\u2019ve been working in this residential environment with troubled teens trying to get them from where there are stuck to where they are unstuck.\u00a0 How does a couple know as they are dealing with a teenager who is acting out, who is being rebellious, who is pushing back, or who is breaking the rules when it\u2019s time to make a decision like that and remove the child from the home?<br><br><strong>Mark<\/strong>:\u00a0 It\u2019s usually when you begin to see a child engage in activity that is going to cause damage to them.\u00a0 That\u2019s the first thing.\u00a0 I think that some of the other things is people spend a lot of time saying, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s not turning out the way that I thought it would so I\u2019m going to put a child there.\u201d\u00a0 We tell people all of the time, that\u2019s not exactly how you run it.\u00a0 You don\u2019t do it that way.\u00a0 It\u2019s not going to look like what you think it\u2019s going to look like.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA family gets to that point where they begin to say, \u201cIf this fleshes itself out and it\u2019s going to be worse and it\u2019s going to be a mess,\u201d then it is better to do something now than to wait until later.\u00a0 You just can\u2019t wait too long because at some point you loose control.\u00a0 When a child turns seventeen and eighteen they can pretty much do what they want.\u00a0 You are not supported by laws.\u00a0 Local authorities can\u2019t help you and won\u2019t help you at that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The thing, Mark, about both Livia and George is the amount of courage that it takes to do what they did.\u00a0 It is underestimated by most.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think someone can appreciate what it takes to be facing the daily struggle in the home of having the family bear the pain, like you have shared about here, and yet come to the conclusion that we have to do something dramatic.\u00a0 We have to take our daughter or our son and put them in a residential program to get some help outside of our family.\u00a0 We can\u2019t do it.\u00a0 We are not winning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark<\/strong>:\u00a0 That is one of the most difficult decisions that anybody would ever have to make.\u00a0 You are living in the midst of it and then to add greater pain, to have to make that decision, you almost have to have a bigger picture view of the child\u2019s life on down the road instead of thinking that this is going to be an easy decision.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour child will continue to act the way they are acting until the pain from their actions is greater than the pleasure they are getting from those actions.\u00a0 So will the family.\u00a0 They will continue until the pain is so great that it is taking away from and taking a toll on the family.\u00a0 Everybody has to get to that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that it is so painful that it becomes an easier decision because you want some relief from it.\u00a0 There is a part of it that a lot of these decisions are selfish.\u00a0 At the same time you are thinking about your child, projecting their future if you don\u2019t do something.\u00a0 It\u2019s tough.\u00a0 There is nothing easy about it.\u00a0 There has not been one person who has ever come to us and said, \u201cThis was an easy decision.\u00a0 Let\u2019s do it again.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s a mess.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Livia, talk about the decision.\u00a0 Was it difficult for you to make that decision?\u00a0 George indicated that you guys do things together.\u00a0 You agreed on things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 We had agreed ahead of time if it got to a certain point.\u00a0 I think the point came when her sisters were afraid.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They were afraid of her?<br><br><strong>Livia<\/strong>:\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0 I knew that it was time then to get it under control so that we could be unified.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 I think her sisters were afraid of Megan maybe doing something to herself, maybe doing something to them.\u00a0 It was an anger issue more than anything.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t have drug, sex, or alcohol.\u00a0 Those weren\u2019t Megan\u2019s issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was her frustrations and her emotional outbursts would be an uncontrollable type of anger.\u00a0 Once it came out it was fine.\u00a0 She was good.\u00a0 It was just a trail of disaster behind her.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t realize.\u00a0 She would come up and apologize to her mother and to her sisters and thought the slate was wiped clean.\u00a0 She did not understand the slate was not wiped clean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She didn\u2019t know there was scar tissue left behind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Tell us about the day you drove her down to Texas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 That was a tough one.\u00a0 It was the day before she was going to start her second semester of her tenth grade year.\u00a0 I said, \u201cMegan, we need to go talk to a friend of mine.\u201d\u00a0 A friend of hers had died in a tragic car wreck the summer before.\u00a0 That young man still weighed heavy on Megan\u2019s heart.\u00a0 I said, \u201cWe need to go talk to this friend of mine.\u201d\u00a0 So we did.\u00a0 We got in the car and drove for four and a half hours to go see Mark Gregston.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMegan didn\u2019t know that I was going to leave her there.\u00a0 That was the hard part.\u00a0 That was the hard part because you can\u2019t even say goodbye.\u00a0 It\u2019s tough.\u00a0 When she found out that she was going to stay, she showed why she was there.\u00a0 It was obvious.\u00a0 I knew driving home that I had done the right thing.\u00a0 It was a tough drive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It is a tough drive and only a parent who has been there, only a parent who has had to do a tough thing, can begin to identify with how hard that really is.\u00a0 You love your child enough that you express tough love.\u00a0 It\u2019s a love of the heart but nonetheless, in my opinion, it\u2019s battlefield courage because you are battling for your child\u2019s life at that point.\u00a0 Did you feel that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>George<\/strong>:\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if Megan could have made it without that, without that day.\u00a0 I knew that she needed help.\u00a0 Livia and I did all that we could do.\u00a0 We needed help as parents.\u00a0 Megan needed help as a child.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t want Megan to get in a situation that could have been a fatal error.\u00a0 That\u2019s why I drove down that day to Longview, Texas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Dennis, there are undoubtedly parents who are hearing these folks talk about their daughter and their story and they are thinking, \u201cWe\u2019ve got stuff like this going on in our home.\u00a0 We don\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 We don\u2019t know where to get help.\u201d\u00a0 How would you encourage them?\u00a0 How would you counsel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t, first of all, retreat and get isolated.\u00a0 I think one of the most important things that occurs is getting some friends around you who can pray for you, counsel you, encourage you, and remind you of the truth.\u00a0 Any parent who thinks they\u2019ve got all the answers has got a problem.\u00a0 I just don\u2019t know of anybody who is that smart, to do it without other fellow believers who embrace the Bible and who can bring godly counsel to bear.\u00a0 I think those friends can help clarify the issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I think you go do some research and you find out what your options are.\u00a0 You clarify what are the options and what is within our realm.\u00a0 Heart Light as a ministry costs about $5,000 per month.\u00a0 Is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark<\/strong>:\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 It\u2019s quite a bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 For a lot of folks that\u2019s not going to be a possibility.\u00a0 There are other options available on perhaps a shorter-term type of situation.\u00a0 There is more than one option here that couples can begin to hammer out together and begin to think about.\u00a0 The point is you can\u2019t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think for a mom and a dad to be able to sit down and say, \u201cAre we at a point where we need to do something dramatic or something more drastic than what we\u2019ve been doing?\u201d\u00a0 They need to get some help in even evaluating that choice.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMark, that\u2019s one of the reasons you wrote the book <em>When Your Teen is Struggling<\/em>, to help parents have a matrix they can look at to say, \u201cAre we at a point where we need to do something dramatic?\u00a0 Or is this a situation where maybe if we can make some adjustments and get some help, we can get our arms around this situation with our teenager.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Mark\u2019s book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 There is information about Mark\u2019s book there.\u00a0 We also have copies of Tim Kimmel\u2019s book <em>Why Christian Kids Rebel<\/em>.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s face it, you can be a good Christian parent doing the right stuff and your son or daughter might step away from your belief system and embrace choices that you wish they wouldn\u2019t face.\u00a0\u00a0 Tim\u2019s book helps you understand why that happens and helps you understand what to do when that happens.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got both Mark\u2019s book and Tim\u2019s book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about either or both of these books.\u00a0 You can order them from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call 1-800-FL-Today.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Order over the phone and someone on our team can let you know how you can either or both of these books sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of folks that I know, if you had a chance to thumb through their Bible, you would find notes or loose papers tucked into the pages of the Bible.\u00a0 Things that have been meaningful.\u00a0 Things to help them to remember to pray for specific issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt <em>FamilyLife<\/em> we\u2019ve created a series of prayer cards.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a way to help you focus on how you can pray for one another in a marriage relationship, how you can pray for your children.\u00a0 We just created a new card that\u2019s called <em>The Five Essentials for a Thriving Marriage<\/em>.\u00a0 On this laminated card we provide you with the important issues couples need to keep in mind in order for their marriage to be all that God intends for it to be.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month we\u2019d love to send you a copy of <em>The Five Essentials for a Thriving Marriage<\/em> card as a way of saying thank you for your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\u00a0 I think most of you know that our program like many of the programs you hear on this station is listener supported.\u00a0 It\u2019s folks like you who listen and who benefit from this program who help make it possible for us to be on the air on this station and on other stations all across the country.\u00a0 We appreciate you financial support.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain if you are able to help with a donation this month, we\u2019d love to send you <em>The Five Essentials for a Thriving Marriage<\/em> card to keep in a book or in your Bible or to keep with you so that you can stay focused on your marriage relationship.\u00a0 If you are making a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com when you come to the key code box on the donation form, type the word \u201cThrive\u201d into the box and we\u2019ll know to send you The Five Essentials card.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr call 1-800-FL-Today, 1-800-358-6329, that\u2019s 1-800-F as in family, L as in life, and then the word today.\u00a0 You can make your donation over the phone and say, \u201cI\u2019d like that Five Essentials card.\u201d\u00a0 Again we are happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 We do appreciate your partnership with us and your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we are going to hear the rest of Megan\u2019s story.\u00a0 Her parents George and Livia are going to be back with us.\u00a0 Mark Gregston is going to be with us again.\u00a0 We hope you can be here as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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