{"id":301860,"date":"2009-07-14T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-14T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/when-your-husband-doesnt-believe\/"},"modified":"2009-07-14T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-14T15:00:00","slug":"when-your-husband-doesnt-believe","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-your-husband-doesnt-believe\/","title":{"rendered":"When Your Husband Doesn\u2019t Believe"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you and your husband on the same spiritual playing field?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-14.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"14M","filesize_raw":"14675569","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806,2861],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[7659],"cwp_profile":[9169],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301860","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","category-spiritually-mismatched","tag-kids","tag-parenting","podcast_series-spiritually-single-moms","cwp_profile-nancy-meyer","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301860\/when-your-husband-doesnt-believe","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301860\/when-your-husband-doesnt-believe","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"5ZH4JANYBZ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-your-husband-doesnt-believe\/\">When Your Husband Doesn\u2019t Believe<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/when-your-husband-doesnt-believe\/embed\/#?secret=5ZH4JANYBZ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;When Your Husband Doesn\u2019t Believe&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"5ZH4JANYBZ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Are you and your husband on the same spiritual playing field?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy Meyer:<\/strong>\u00a0 A spiritually single mom is one where the husband and the wife are intact.\u00a0 It\u2019s an intact family, but they are a spiritually divided home.\u00a0 And so, with that definition in place it\u2019s also true that there are some spiritually single women who are sitting in church congregations right now who are sitting beside a man that has checked out.\u00a0 He\u2019s just not in tune with God anymore, or they are not in tune in quite the same way and she feels abandoned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 14<sup>th<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Among the challenges women face when they are spiritually single, is the challenge of raising children to love Christ.\u00a0 We are going to talk more about that today.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us.\u00a0 There were times when you and Barbara were raising your kids that the two of you were not on the same page with regard to your parenting, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you think? You and MaryAnn have had those moments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It just stands to reason, that you are two different people with two different viewpoints and\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 yes,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are going to be parenting issues where you\u2019re going to look at each other and go, I think you are wrong here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you agree all the time, one of you is unnecessary.\u00a0 So Barbara and I proved the necessity of our marriage, because we had some spirited conversations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But when you were out of joint, both of you had a common reference point you could come back to, at least spiritually to say what is it we believe, and what do we want to see happen in the lives of our kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 No doubt about it, and I\u2019m grateful for that spiritual foundation.\u00a0 We started out our marriage with it. And I think often of how families raise their children where there isn\u2019t that same spiritual agreement, in fact, where there is spiritual disagreement.\u00a0 In fact, you may be in a marriage where you are spiritually mismatched.\u00a0 If you are, you\u2019re going to benefit from a brand new book called, <em>Spiritually Single Moms<\/em>, by Nancy Sebastian Meyer.\u00a0 Nancy, welcome back to the broadcast\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thanks Dennis, it\u2019s great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Nancy lives in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, beautiful area of the country.\u00a0 She has one daughter, been married for over 20 years and she has her husband\u2019s permission to tell a very forthright story of how he left the faith after being a youth pastor for a period of time.\u00a0 And you were so impacted by his, well; I hate to call it, spiritual defection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s basically it, though.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But him leaving the faith, that you felt like you were a spiritually single mom and you\u2019ve written about it, you\u2019ve spoken about it, your book is about how you can raise godly kids when dad doesn\u2019t believe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Now, if dad doesn\u2019t want you to go to church, how do you respond at that point?\u00a0 What\u2019s your advice to the woman who\u2019s in a marriage where he says to her, no, I don\u2019t want you taking the kids, I don\u2019t want you going, I want you here.\u00a0 That\u2019s our day together, that\u2019s our family time.\u00a0 Be there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a really, really tough question to answer, and its different for a lot of different people. But the basic guidelines that I recommend and that I live by are number one:\u00a0 I take that kind of thing to God in prayer immediately, and I try not to feel personally attacked.\u00a0 But to realize that you were supposed to be on the same side of the table here, so I\u2019m going to go around the table and sit beside my husband and try and see where he is coming from and see what his real need is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOk, why is he saying that, what does he want and can there be some sort of middle ground and then I might suggest a middle ground.\u00a0 Something like how about if I take the children to church with me on two Sundays a month and we spend the other two Sundays doing something family related.\u00a0 The Bible doesn\u2019t say that we need to go to church every single week, it does say that we should not forsake the gathering together.\u00a0 And our children need that, they need to go to church with us to see other people who believe the way we do so that it\u2019s not just mom\u2019s religion.\u00a0 But other people that they respect also know and love God, people who invest their selves in your children\u2019s lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Did Rich ever resent you getting up every Sunday morning and you and Becky heading off to church and he wanted to go do something with you guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Absolutely.\u00a0 He has a Jeep Wrangler and he loves to go jeep trail riding and that happens generally on Saturdays and Sundays.\u00a0 And Sunday is a big day for that and in order to do that you have to get up early and go upstate Pennsylvania to find the right place.\u00a0 So it\u2019s a daylong event.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so when I realized that this is really important to Rich, it\u2019s something that he really likes to do, I sat down and talked it out with God.\u00a0 And realized that I could say to Rich, you know, Becky and I want to do things with you.\u00a0 You\u2019re only home, basically not working on Saturdays and Sundays so if we can\u2019t do something Saturday and it\u2019s a Sunday event, then let me know and we will work that into the schedule.\u00a0 I would like to be able to go regularly, but it doesn\u2019t mean that we can\u2019t do something with you because you matter, you matter a lot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are some folks who will hear you saying that, you know, you\u2019re saying to your husband that church is less than important than him when you do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right, but neither one is, it\u2019s not like an either\/or situation it\u2019s you\u2019ve got to work it out and if we\u2019re gone away from church, you know, too many Sundays, out of a year, I sit down and really look at that hard and talk to Rich about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 As Becky has observed this, I mean your daughter has undoubtedly watched hundreds of these choices get worked out in your marriage.\u00a0 While at the same time you\u2019re trying to train her to ultimately have a faith of her own.\u00a0 In fact, you believe that there are two spiritually foundational principles.\u00a0 Well they\u2019re good for every parent, not just those who are in spiritually mismatched marriages or for single parent moms or dads.\u00a0 These are good for all of us, share those with our listeners if you would please.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well number one, you can only believe in God for yourself.\u00a0 You can\u2019t believe for your children or for your husband.\u00a0 God doesn\u2019t have grandchildren, so it\u2019s not like I can make Becky\u2019s spiritual decisions for her, or Rich\u2019s spiritual decisions.\u00a0 I have to trust God, have faith that He is working in her life, do my part to put whatever it is within her grasp and then trust that God\u2019s going to deal with her on that.\u00a0 And then second, as badly as I want Becky to believe in God, I\u2019ve got to release her to make her own decisions and allow God to work\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 It really does take God to put those spiritual truths into the hearts of our children.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019d have to say that was one of the more difficult things Barbara and I faced as we\u2019ve raised our six.\u00a0 Is backing off and realizing that the responsibility of spiritually helping them grow up to become the men and women they need to be we have a piece of that responsibility, but ultimately they\u2019re God\u2019s and they\u2019re His to do with as He chooses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, and I\u2019m just sitting here thinking, I think God wants me to share something that is still a little tender.\u00a0 About three months ago, Becky came to Rich and I and actually, she left Rich and I, she left the house and she went to a place where she felt a little more safe.\u00a0 That just disturbed me that she didn\u2019t feel safe at home because I thought I was doing a good job.\u00a0 I wrote this book, you know, wrote the book on spiritually single mothering and \u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s still in high school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, she is in her senior year this year and I\u2019ve been\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And how long did she leave for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 She left for the weekend and went to a friend\u2019s house.\u00a0 And when I called her to make sure where she was and if she was safe, because this is the first time she\u2019s done anything like this.\u00a0 I knew that she at that time was struggling with college decisions and that had to be made within a few weeks and a senior project that wasn\u2019t completed and some grades that weren\u2019t up to par.\u00a0 So I knew that she was really under the gun here, and she wasn\u2019t making good choices as far as her attitude and things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 um, hmmm\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 So she left the home and she left her laptop, I could tell that things weren\u2019t where they should have been at that point.\u00a0 So I called her cell phone after about an hour and her friend answered and said, \u201cWell, she doesn\u2019t want to talk to you right now.\u00a0 She needs to just, she doesn\u2019t feel safe,\u201d and the feeling safe just got to me and I said, \u201cwell, could she call George?\u201d and he\u2019s our pastor of counseling, who\u2019s my second cousin and often works with both of us about, you know, he screws our heads back on right every once in a while.\u00a0 And he works with me primarily so I can take some things before him and work them out in a safe place.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, thankfully, she called George and said can I meet with you? He gave her a Sunday morning appointment during Sunday school time and then he called us and he said, \u201cI just talked to Becky and I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on.\u201d\u00a0 Well he came over Sunday afternoon after he had spoken with her, before we were supposed to meet the four of us that evening.\u00a0 He said she\u2019s really going through some tough stuff and it involves both of you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I was sitting there righteously indignant at the fact that why do I have to work on anything, I thought I\u2019d worked through everything.\u00a0 I thought I was right where God wanted me to be and God really, His spirit just spoke to my heart and laid a blanket of peace over me and said I\u2019m walking with you through this.\u00a0 Nobody arrives until you see me face to face.\u00a0 It was a really good reminder and I\u2019m being really honest with you here on some tough stuff.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut he said to Rich and I, you need to come to counseling with her, you need to commit to it.\u00a0 And he said to Rich, I won\u2019t change my normal counseling, which is counseling from a Christian world view, Rich said, no don\u2019t worry about it you know whatever is for Becky would be great.\u00a0 Well we met with them that evening, and with Becky and George, and then she stayed with her spiritual mentor and her husband for about a week and a half and then came back home and we\u2019re dealing with things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I tell you this specifically to be honest and say I goofed up.\u00a0 Becky shared with me that even after all these years she\u2019s been having some problems with me because I would give her choices you know, the last chapter of this book is trusting God and letting go and I thought I was doing a good job with that, but I was giving her choices and letting her know which choice I thought she should be making pretty obviously.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf she didn\u2019t make that choice then I would negotiate for that choice.\u00a0 And I was being too heavy handed with her and she got so tired of fighting me on that, internally, trying to, you know, talk me out of what I was interested in.\u00a0 She said, \u201cMom, for the last like eight months I\u2019ve just given up and I just do whatever I think you want because I don\u2019t want to go through that.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just awful to come face to face with that and yet at the very same time and this is what I want everybody to hear.\u00a0 I knew and had a confidence that if God was bringing this to light then He could use this in my life and in her life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI bring it up also, because none of us has arrived.\u00a0 We never get to the point where we can\u2019t learn something and I tell you in the last three to four months I have learned how to listen to Becky like I\u2019ve never listened before.\u00a0 I also am understanding that I\u2019m still not doing a good job at it.\u00a0 Got to keep working on these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Parenting is one long process of letting go of your children, if you don\u2019t let go they\u2019re going to feel controlled and they\u2019re going to chafe, they\u2019re going to resist, they\u2019re going to rebel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But as you say that finding that place between the necessary guidance you need to be giving as a mother or a father and the letting go you need to be doing, that\u2019s not an exact science is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wait till you give your daughter away at the wedding then you ultimately do, once and for all let go.\u00a0 That really is kind of the ultimate challenge. A question I have for you, that I\u2019ve wondered in your family would Becky describe her life as being lived in the midst of spiritual crosscurrents?\u00a0 I mean, here she\u2019s with a mom who\u2019s helping her grow up to become a woman of God, a woman who obeys the scripture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And she has gone on missions trips and she has embraced the gospel and goes to church and so\u2026 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Very strong believer\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In terms of this growing up in the family if there are spiritual cross currents she\u2019s been on mom\u2019s side of the stream, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, she\u2019s had a father and, you know, little girls are the apple of daddy\u2019s eye.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s undoubtedly felt the cross current of her dad.\u00a0 How has she handled that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Spiritual cross currents, that\u2019s a very, very interesting phrase and I think it\u2019s very applicable in a spiritually divided home.\u00a0 There would definitely be spiritual cross currents and sometimes there\u2019s just a meeting of the two opposite viewpoints that\u2019s coming together and it can be very hurtful, very discouraging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Has Rich ever said anything to you like, well if you want to take her to church and let her get her head all filled up with fairy tales.\u00a0 Has he ever said anything like you know why is she spending time memorizing Bible verses, I mean he has basically turned away from these things and said I don\u2019t believe this anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 He hasn\u2019t been nearly so kind, his sarcasm is one of his communication methods and he\u2019s been very terse and very sarcastic about some of the things that we\u2019ve done.\u00a0 It\u2019s very obvious to Becky and as she\u2019s gotten older he\u2019s been less careful about what he\u2019s said and been more real, if you want to put it that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And has that caused her to rethink her faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, I think in the long run it\u2019s made it stronger and she\u2019s had to go to God with some of these things.\u00a0 That\u2019s one of the keys as far as my mothering.\u00a0 When Becky and I have talked about something that\u2019s bothering her with Rich, when we talk about that, I make sure that after we\u2019ve spoken and hashed some things out and we\u2019ve actually been talking about Rich behind his back, I say to her let\u2019s pray about your dad now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, let\u2019s bring this to God, let\u2019s leave it there and then tell me a couple of things you like about dad.\u00a0 You know, just to get back on that, ok we\u2019ve dealt with this issue, now let\u2019s get back to our sweet spot where we love and respect and, you know, we are on dad\u2019s side.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Spiritually speaking, there are going to be those who heard you mention the phrase, talking about her dad behind his back, and they\u2019re going, people are going to blanch at that, they\u2019re going to\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let\u2019s talk about unnecessarily dumping..\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 On your children, and\u00a0 at the same time spiritually helping them understand what\u2019s going on here, in mommy and daddy\u2019s marriage and in our family.\u00a0 How do you navigate the meeting of those two streams?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s very, very important to talk to your children about the things that occupy their minds.\u00a0 George, the counselor, has been such a great help to me.\u00a0 He\u2019s the one that told me that it is very important I don\u2019t tell Becky more than she already knows about a situation.\u00a0 In other words, if she knows about a situation, we might need to work through that, but if she doesn\u2019t know about something that happened, it\u2019s not my purpose to bring that to her attention and to talk through it with her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s not who I should be talking through it with.\u00a0 Let me give you a solid example.\u00a0 Let\u2019s say at the dinner table Rich says something inappropriate, just mean, cutting, unkind, sarcastic to Becky.\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s something that\u2019s actually happened to her and so while I\u2019m not going to call him down on the table on that particular issue at that point, unless it\u2019s appropriate, but most times it\u2019s not, just let it go.\u00a0 But then I\u2019ll deal with her on that later.\u00a0 If that is an issue, if I feel that\u2019s something that\u2019s been an issue for her, then we talk about it, we work through it, we pray about it and then we set it aside.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other situation is if, we\u2019ve been at the kitchen table, the three of us, we\u2019ve been eating together and or we\u2019ve been talking and he says something mean to me or something that is cutting, and she knows that I got hurt, or that it was a hurtful thing that could have hurt me.\u00a0 Sometimes that hurts us more when someone, you know, is needling someone we love and so I think she gets hurt more in situations like that.\u00a0 So if she sees me being affected by something like that that\u2019s also something I need to process through with her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But if she\u2019s gone for the weekend and something bad happens\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 You don\u2019t wait for her to get home on Sunday night and say let me tell you what your dad did this weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly, that\u2019s not fair to Rich, it\u2019s not fair to Becky.\u00a0 It would only be in my best interests and boy if there\u2019s one thing I\u2019m learning about communication, and I say learning because I learned it awhile ago as a principle, but I will work it out for the rest of my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that is that communication, if it\u2019s toward a person needs to be for that persons benefit and if it\u2019s not benefitting that person then why am I saying it.\u00a0 There are some times when I need to talk to process, but that better not be with a person that I\u2019m in a difficult relationship with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, and it doesn\u2019t need to be with a young person who may not have the emotional and spiritual maturity to process, especially your feelings toward her daddy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I mean you need to protect her and her own emotional and spiritual well-being as well as her own respect of her father, by not dumping on her.\u00a0 And I can see how if I was in a home where I was spiritually mismatched I think it\u2019d be a real temptation to dump on the spouse and say you know, kind of a pity party, your mother just wasn\u2019t, she\u2019s just not in tune with what God\u2019s doing and it\u2019s just tough.\u00a0 You know, this is just a hard thing that your dad has to deal with here.\u00a0 I mean, it would be real easy to play the sympathy card with your children at that point.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, you\u2019ve got righteousness on your side, you know.\u00a0 (laughter)\u00a0 It feels like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m imaging the mom or the dad in a home where they\u2019re married to someone who is spiritually mismatched and the child is with the spiritually mismatched parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In other words, Mom\u2019s got a son here and dad isn\u2019t a believer and the son is kind of going, I like the way dad\u2019s doing it.\u00a0 I like watching the movies dad\u2019s watching.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He\u2019s identifying with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And so he\u2019s growing up and saying mom if you want to believe that stuff that\u2019s fine but dad and I don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s exactly why you take them to church and you get them involved with other adults, other Christian believers who can enter into their lives as a special person and can model and encourage and teach and nurture the same kind of qualities as you are looking\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you may do that and the kid may still say, I\u2019m following dad\u2019s way of doing things I think you know I\u2019d rather go out in the jeep on Sunday morning than go to the stupid church on Sunday morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 You get on your knees and you pray harder and you have others who are praying with you.\u00a0 I know that it sounds like you\u2019re not doing enough when you\u2019re just praying and sometimes I\u2019ve run across women who are so desperate because they see their child slipping away.\u00a0 But trust really plays a factor, a faith that God is there and He is going to what you\u2019ve instilled in that child at an early age, He\u2019s going to bring to fruition at some point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 If a husband says to his wife, I don\u2019t want you reading the Bible to our kids, I don\u2019t want you taking them to church, I don\u2019t want you having them memorize scripture. I don\u2019t want you doing that stuff.\u00a0 What do you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well there\u2019s actually a paragraph in the book that says if he says no, if dad says no to the rest of the family attending church or other spiritual activities, your situation is similar to that of the Christians who live in foreign\u00a0 countries, where practicing Christianity is illegal.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn those places, Christians meet secretly in small groups and read God\u2019s word or rehearse it from memory, if they have no Bibles.\u00a0 And of all the Christians on earth, they\u2019re probably the most zealous because of their persecution.\u00a0 Even though Rich is not hostile toward the gospel, Becky and I will play praise music and talk about God a little bit more freely when he\u2019s not there.\u00a0 It\u2019s a tough, tough thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You know, in all this it really goes back to those two spiritually foundational principles that you mentioned in chapter four in your book that first of all you can\u2019t believe for your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 And secondly, it really takes God to put it in their hearts, he has to chase them down.\u00a0 He has to grab their hearts and they have to turn toward him because of that love and give their lives to him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNancy, I just appreciate your work here, your willingness to be vulnerable, you\u2019re not the first person to write a book, put your name on the cover, like you\u2019ve done here.\u00a0 And then have to learn a few things.\u00a0 (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote a book about parenting today\u2019s adolescent before\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 before you were done\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 before I was done.\u00a0 That was a big mistake, Nancy, but you are a good sport and I just appreciate Rich first of all in allowing you to share the story because you really are keeping some marriages together that otherwise might dissolve.\u00a0 I think you\u2019re calling women to faith and to a tough trust in God and I just appreciate you and your ministry and am glad you joined us here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, this has been very helpful, I know for a lot of our listeners.\u00a0 Let me encourage you, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com we have information available there about Nancy\u2019s book which is called, <em>Spiritually Single Mom\u2019s:<\/em><em>\u00a0 <\/em><em>Raising Godly Kids When Dad Doesn\u2019t Believe,<\/em> I want you to think for a minute, maybe you\u2019re not in this situation, yourself, but it could be that you know a woman, you see her every Sunday at church or someone you know in your neighborhood or in your workplace.\u00a0 And this is her exact situation, go to FamilyLifeToday.com get a copy of Nancy\u2019s book, get a copy of the CD of the conversation we\u2019ve had with her this week.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have other resources that are available there as well, and give a gift to her that can help encourage her and can say to her, I\u2019m here for you and I want to help.\u00a0 Again all the information you need is available at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call toll free, 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 And when you call, someone on our team can let you know how you can get the specific resources you need sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I want to take just a minute and say a word of thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 In a very real sense, we could not do what we\u2019re doing, we could not be here each day producing and syndicating this radio program, if it weren\u2019t for folks like you in the cities where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard.\u00a0 Who contact us either online or by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY and helping to support this ministry.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are listener supported and your contributions are what make it possible for us to be on this particular station.\u00a0 And this month, we have a special way of saying thank you.\u00a0 If you are able to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> we\u2019d like to send you a CD where Dennis and I have a conversation with, author and speaker, Nancy Leigh DeMoss.\u00a0 She speaks on the daily radio program <em>Revive Our Hearts<\/em>.\u00a0 She wrote a book several months ago, called <em>Choosing Forgiveness<\/em>.\u00a0 We sat down and talked with her about how important forgiveness is in every aspect of our lives, but particularly in our marriage relationship and as we raise our children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe CD of our conversation with Nancy is our way of saying thank you to you this month when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 So if you are making a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com and you\u2019d like to receive a copy of this CD, just type the word \u201cforgive\u201d in the key code box that you find on the online donation form or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY, make a donation over the phone and simply ask for a copy of the CD on forgiveness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we are happy to send it out to you and I want to say thanks again for your support of this ministry.\u00a0 We so much appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we are going to talk to a mom and a dad who are on the same page spiritually and we\u2019re going to talk with them about a strategy that they have employed as they\u2019ve raised their children to be godly children.\u00a0 We\u2019ll let them tell you about that strategy tomorrow. I hope you can tune in to be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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