{"id":301857,"date":"2009-07-09T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-09T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/whats-a-single-womans-goal\/"},"modified":"2009-07-09T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-09T15:00:00","slug":"whats-a-single-womans-goal","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/whats-a-single-womans-goal\/","title":{"rendered":"What\u2019s a Single Woman\u2019s Goal?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is getting married the only goal a single should have?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-09.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"13.28M","filesize_raw":"13924859","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2807,2093],"tags":[4018,2588,4920,4996],"podcast_series":[7658],"cwp_profile":[9168],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301857","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-engagements-and-weddings","category-women","tag-dating","tag-teens","tag-womanhood","tag-young-women","podcast_series-singleness-redefined","cwp_profile-carolyn-leutwiler","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301857\/whats-a-single-womans-goal","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301857\/whats-a-single-womans-goal","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"CQcz6jDfKP\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/whats-a-single-womans-goal\/\">What\u2019s a Single Woman\u2019s Goal?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/whats-a-single-womans-goal\/embed\/#?secret=CQcz6jDfKP\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What\u2019s a Single Woman\u2019s Goal?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"CQcz6jDfKP\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-09.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-09.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThere is no way that we as human beings can fulfill another person all of the time.\u00a0 There is just no way.\u00a0 We have to look to the Lord.\u00a0 I continually have to go back to the Lord and say, \u201cWhat does your scripture say?\u00a0 What do you say about me?\u201d and to believe that He has a plan and a purpose.\u00a0 I love Jeremiah 29:11.\u00a0 \u201cFor I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.\u00a0 Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.\u00a0 Plans to give you hope and a future.\u201d\u00a0 That is such a comfort.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 9th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 As a single how do you resolve the tension you feel when the Lord\u2019s plans for you aren\u2019t the same as what you were hoping His plans would be?\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I would imagine if you went to most young women today, women who are in their late teens or early twenties, and you said, \u201cWhat\u2019s your aspiration?\u00a0 What\u2019s your goal?\u00a0 Ten years from now what would you like to be doing?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would guess that very few of those young women would say, \u201cI would hope that ten years from today maybe I could have written a book based on my own experience about singleness.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing that nobody has that as kind of their goal for what they like to be doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, nobody may be a stretch but probably not a high percentage.\u00a0 We have a special guest with us.\u00a0 In fact we haven\u2019t had that many guests from Manhattan.\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking about Manhattan, Kansas.\u00a0 We have an opera star from Manhattan, New York.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s shaking her head.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not a star, but an aspiring star.\u00a0 Carolyn Leutwiler joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Carolyn, you are a good sport to come all this way from New York City.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s wonderful to be here and see trees.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve been looking forward to this interview.\u00a0 I have some questions for you of your preference.\u00a0 Are you ready for this?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0 Are you a Yankee or a Mets fan?\u00a0 She\u2019s shaking her head no.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t like baseball.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m a Cardinal fan if I have to choose.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you a New York Giants or are you a Jets fan?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have to say a Michigan Wolverine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She hasn\u2019t lived in New York long enough to have had that blood flowing through her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One last question.\u00a0 Are you a Brooklyn Tabernacle person or a Redeemer Pres person?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Redeemer Pres because I go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You not only go there.\u00a0 You are employed there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are the Administrative Coordinator of the Children\u2019s Ministry.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been there for 4 \u00bd years.\u00a0 You\u2019ve written a book, <em>Singleness Redefined.<\/em>\u00a0 I was thinking about Bob\u2019s introduction here of saying you didn\u2019t have that dream when you were a young lady of growing up to write a book about being single.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not at all because I was going to be married by the time I was 27.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That was one of your goals?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I knew it would happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So when it didn\u2019t happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When it didn\u2019t happen, God really brought me through a lot.\u00a0 I had to really struggle through that realization that I wasn\u2019t married.\u00a0 Through that I ended up writing the book later because I saw that a lot of my friends were struggling, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to ask you about that struggle because it would seem like that\u2019s something that kind of comes on progressively.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s the same for young men as it is for young women.\u00a0 I doubt it is.\u00a0 I would imagine at 22 or 23 you are thinking, \u201cWell, okay.\u201d\u00a0 At 25 you are thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d\u00a0 At 27 you are starting to think, \u201cSomething is wrong.\u201d\u00a0 Do you remember going through the process yourself of realizing month in and month out, year in and year out, I thought I\u2019d be married by now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 That actually was exactly the timeframe I would say that I was on.\u00a0\u00a0 When I graduated from college I still had some years to have fun, look around, and figure out what I wanted to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen once it got to about 25 I think I started being a little concerned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Twenty-seven was very difficult.\u00a0 My late 20\u2019s were really, really hard for me.\u00a0 A season of trying to question, first of all, what do I do with my life now?\u00a0 I thought I would be a mom by this point.\u00a0 But then also having to work through with the Lord what does He call me to as a single person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that was a real struggle for me.\u00a0 I do think that for singleness there are seasons.\u00a0 Those seasons are different for different people.\u00a0 I think for some people, for example a lot of my friends in Manhattan, they moved to Manhattan to pursue a career, to pursue a dream that they had had.\u00a0\u00a0 Whether it be a dream of being on Wall Street or being a musician.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or singing opera.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So their dreams were around their professional abilities and achievement there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think so at that point.\u00a0 So those people, I would say, the struggle for them might be more in their 30\u2019s.\u00a0 Definitely, I think, we go through seasons.\u00a0 Some of them are much longer than others.\u00a0 My 20\u2019s it was really from at least 27 to maybe 30.\u00a0 I loved turning 30.\u00a0 It was great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are a performer.\u00a0 Performers are good because they have high expectations of themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Set high standards, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 The only way to not experience disappointment in life, whether you are single or married, have children or don\u2019t have children, is to not have high expectations.\u00a0 But you had some high expectations for yourself and as a result that disappointment went deep, didn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 It did.\u00a0 I think so much of life is learning how to realign our expectations with what God is doing in our lives.\u00a0 So we have thoughts about our career, our family.\u00a0 So many different areas but to really look to the Lord and say, \u201cGod, what do You have for my life?\u00a0 What are Your expectations for my life?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have seen, too, in relationships, even with women friends of mine, where maybe I have expectations of having great times of intimacy with them and wonderful friendships.\u00a0 Yet it just doesn\u2019t always happen.\u00a0 I think so much of life is realizing that we have to come before God and see His amazing love for us and His amazing care for us regardless of how the circumstances in our lives play out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You, throughout your book, talk about specific lies that singles can believe and begin to embrace.\u00a0 Things that aren\u2019t true about them as people.\u00a0 What are a couple of those lies that they believe?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of them, I think one of the major problems in our society is we see beautiful images of women and men all over.\u00a0 Somehow we think that we have to be the same way.\u00a0 If people aren\u2019t asking us out then something is wrong with us physically, we are not attractive.\u00a0 So that is one lie from the entertainment industry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact interestingly, in your book you talk about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.\u00a0 Explain how that relates to singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think in that movie there is the scene where all the toys that have something wrong with them are taken to the island of misfit toys.\u00a0 I think sometimes as singles we can feel like something is wrong with us because we are not married, because someone has not asked us out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or because in the church there really is not a good spot or a good place for singles to really congregate after college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Most churches are built around families.\u00a0 You are in a church with 65 percent of the congregation being single.\u00a0 But most churches if you are a single you are kind of on the edges of the church and not sure how you fit in, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it can be that way.\u00a0 I think that is actually another lie in a way that singles and married people can fall into.\u00a0 I think it is easy to think as a single person that I have nothing to offer to the church or to a married couple or to a family.\u00a0 Vice versa.\u00a0 A family might think that they don\u2019t have anything to offer to the single.\u00a0 There is this impasse where the two parties aren\u2019t meeting.\u00a0 It is really a shame.\u00a0 We are the body of Christ.\u00a0 We need each other.\u00a0 I would love for it to be more organic.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you are on the island of misfits, I was just thinking back to your illustration about Rudolph and where all of the broken toys went.\u00a0 If you are on that island, the temptation is to look horizontally and compare yourself with other people.\u00a0 For you, comparison has been a source of frustration in your life.\u00a0 You think it\u2019s a big issue for singles as they face that issue as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Definitely.\u00a0 I think so often we hear that marriage is the next thing.\u00a0 It\u2019s the next place to go.\u00a0 It\u2019s the stepping-stone into happiness or something like that.\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to think that if I\u2019m not married then I don\u2019t have as much.\u00a0 I\u2019m missing out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, with my sister, I bring this up in the book, when I lived in the same town as they did, she was married at that point and I lived with them for a few months.\u00a0 It was so easy for me to look around and see everything that she had materially and also with her family, with her children and to think somehow I am missing out.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is so easy to go down a path of loneliness, regret, doubt, and frustration instead of looking at what God has given you.\u00a0 I think that single people have a wealth of opportunity.\u00a0 We have time to do things that married people cannot do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to be accountable to anyone.\u00a0 On one hand, I mean I should be.\u00a0 I need to come under the accountability of the church and have the community.\u00a0 I think singles have to force themselves into that.\u00a0 It is very important to do that but it is easy as a single person to do whatever you want with your time.\u00a0 I think that instead of looking at what we don\u2019t have, we should look at all of the things that we do have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even as you were saying that, I am thinking about a single who says, \u201cOkay, you are right.\u00a0 I should look at the benefits of singleness, which include:\u00a0 I\u2019ve got time that married people don\u2019t have.\u201d\u00a0 But now the default is: which means I can be more self-indulgent.\u00a0 Which means I can be more self-absorbed.\u00a0 I can be more selfish.\u00a0 If there is a trap right in the middle of contented singleness it\u2019s this: look at what I have-- lots more opportunity for selfishness than married people have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s totally true.\u00a0 I believe that\u2019s why single people have to fight against that.\u00a0 We have to look for opportunities to be in community, to be serving in the church or outside the church in outreach opportunities.\u00a0 I know for me I have to make a very, very conscientious effort and decision to do that type of thing.\u00a0 I could spend all of my time alone if I wanted to if I chose that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back to being alone.\u00a0 It\u2019s when you are alone that you can begin to have a pity party.\u00a0 You can go back to that comparison game.\u00a0 There\u2019s my sister with her four kids and the husband and all the activities.\u00a0 And look at my life.\u00a0 And withdraw.\u00a0 The phone\u2019s not ringing.\u00a0 They guy\u2019s not calling.\u00a0 In those dark moments, how do you handle that?\u00a0 I mean what\u2019s the process you go through in your soul to pull yourself out of that emotional ditch?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have to go to the Word.\u00a0 That is the place.\u00a0 In scripture that is where I have found comfort.\u00a0 It\u2019s the only true, true foundation we have for life, for support, for sanity in this life. I think that\u2019s true for even married people.\u00a0 There is no way that we as human beings can fulfill another person all of the time.\u00a0 There is just no way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to look to the Lord.\u00a0 He has been the place that I have to go.\u00a0 I continually have to go back to the Lord and say, \u201cWhat does your scripture say?\u00a0 What do you say about me?\u201d and to believe that He has a plan and a purpose.\u00a0 I love Jeremiah 29:11.\u00a0 \u201cFor I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.\u00a0 Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.\u00a0 Plans to give you hope and a future.\u201d\u00a0 That is such a comfort.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So what does that plan look like for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am finding out day by day.\u00a0 He\u2019s unfolding it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you\u2019re on a mission right now.\u00a0 Describe that because I think some singles who are listening in right now like what you are saying in theory but they are wondering what does that look like practically.\u00a0 You are saying first of all: not all of your questions about your future are answered.\u00a0 But in the midst of that\u2026.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not all of my questions about my future are answered either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 But I think for a single person\u2026I think because there is\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This defining issue of: am I going to be single or will I ever get married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 It\u2019s like an airplane circling the field feeling, like when I land this thing and get married then we\u2019ll get on with life.\u00a0 Life is what\u2019s happening right now. What is life for you?\u00a0 What is that mission and plan that you just talked about for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Recently because of this book it has centered around that.\u00a0 I found that a lot of my passion is to see single women truly living joy filled lives, joy filled lives, and also joyful.\u00a0 That God would encourage single women.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for me I would say to single women, find things that you enjoy.\u00a0 What do you love doing?\u00a0 What has God given you as spiritual gifts, as giftings in your life, and follow those.\u00a0 See how He can use you.\u00a0 See what doors He will open up for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInterestingly for me four and a half years ago what that meant is moving to New York City to pursue opera.\u00a0 Oddly enough it seems like that door is closing.\u00a0 I think even as we follow our passions in life that are God given, I think He uses those to direct us down other paths or maybe that path.\u00a0 Maybe that would have been the path God would have given for me.\u00a0 It seems like He\u2019s doing other things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe key is to stay open to what the Lord is doing in your life, to be prayerful, to really ask God to show you where does He want you to be, how does He want you to be using your time.\u00a0 Allow Him to direct you in that.\u00a0 There is a lot of joy in that and adventure too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What brings you joy right now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes. What is your adventure all about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Part of it is finding out what He would have for me each day.\u00a0 Not trying to get caught up in ten years from now, but today.\u00a0 What does He have for me today?\u00a0 What does He put before me and how can I serve Him in this moment?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love spending time with friends so it means picking up the phone and calling your friend.\u00a0 Don\u2019t wait for your friend to call you.\u00a0 I think we get into that trap a lot, of waiting until someone calls us.\u00a0 Call someone up.\u00a0 Go do something with a friend.\u00a0 Put yourself in places that bring you joy.\u00a0 For me I like music so go to a concert with a friend.\u00a0 Be about things that you enjoy but also remember to be in service, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You describe your late twenties until the time you were 30 as kind of your perpetual dark night of the soul, this season of despair.\u00a0 I would imagine that there are still, maybe not an extended season, but there have got to be nights when you go, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 I just did this radio interview.\u00a0 I talked about having joy in singleness.\u00a0 I wrote this book but frankly I\u2019m lonely tonight, this week.\u201d\u00a0 What do you do when that comes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think first of all we have to recognize that those are totally legitimate emotions.\u00a0 God has given us emotions.\u00a0 I think the thing to not do is to try to squelch those and say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m supposed to be joyful so I can\u2019t struggle.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you look at scripture it is replete with aching people, people crying out to God especially in the Psalms.\u00a0 Lord, why have you forsaken me?\u00a0 Why is my soul so disturbed within me?\u00a0 I think that can be of great comfort but also to remember that there always is an answer in that.\u00a0 For me, the answer is: I will yet praise you, God.\u00a0 That is always the hope that God will restore us, He will renew hope in us, He will bring us through that dark time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think also of how the Israelites spent 40 years in the desert.\u00a0 There is so much talk in scripture of the desert.\u00a0 In the desert it where God can do such an amazing work.\u00a0 That is where we have to call out to Him, we have to cry out.\u00a0 In a sense that is the beauty of suffering.\u00a0 In the times of suffering we really have to rely on God.\u00a0 Which I think is exactly where God wants us to be.\u00a0 It\u2019s a beautiful place to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think in America it is hard not to get up in the morning and expect all of your needs to be met, every day to go perfect and for your visions, dreams, and longings to be met or exceeded because we are a nation that has so much abundance of so many things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet I think you put your finger on something with singles today that is true with married people as well.\u00a0 I think there are a lot of lonely single folks and, as you mentioned also married people, singles who are waiting to live life.\u00a0 They really need to first and foremost get on with deciding who is going to be Master and Lord of their lives and get busy about His mission and what He\u2019s got for them.\u00a0 Roll up their sleeves.\u00a0 Tackle it.\u00a0 Every day with everything they have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen as you fulfill His mission, you are going to encounter Him.\u00a0 You are going to encounter people.\u00a0 You are going to have relationships that He brings along the way, as you have mentioned.\u00a0 People who you need to love on.\u00a0 People you need to encourage.\u00a0 People you need to build up.\u00a0 That\u2019s the kind of life that is going to be attractive to other people.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think, Bob, there are so many lies about being single today that can be so deceptive but at the same time alluring to singles thinking, \u201cThis is where I am going to find life.\u00a0 I\u2019m finally going to get it here.\u201d\u00a0 Do you know what?\u00a0 If it doesn\u2019t have God in the center, you are going to miss it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is where I always find myself coming back to Philippians chapter 4, whether it is a married person or a single person, it doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 The issue is a lack of contentment.\u00a0 You have to ask yourself, \u201cWhat is causing me to be discontented?\u00a0 Is it my circumstances or is it something about my own heart?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul says in Philippians 4, \u201cI have learned the secret of being content in whatever circumstance I find myself in.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s where he says, \u201cI can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a part of what it means to redefine your singleness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have titled your book <em>Singleness Redefined.<\/em>\u00a0 We have that book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 There may be some listeners who are surprised that we have books like this in the FamilyLife Today Resource Center but actually we have a lot of resources for singles.\u00a0 Over the years we have talked to lots of singles, got lots of biblical counsel on this subject.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 There is information there about Carolyn\u2019s book <em>Singleness Redefined<\/em>.\u00a0 There is also information about other resources we have for singles.\u00a0 Carolyn McCulley\u2019s book <em>Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?<\/em> is one of the resources that I am thinking of that we have there.\u00a0 All of the information is available on our website FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-Today.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800, F as in family, L as in life, and the word today.\u00a0 When you contact us someone on our team can let you know about the resources that are available and make arrangements to have the ones you need sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we try to make sure we do here at FamilyLife is to have very honest, very transparent, sometimes challenging conversations with a variety of folks on biblical themes.\u00a0 We had that kind of a conversation not long ago with our friend Nancy Leigh DeMoss.\u00a0 She has written a book called <em>Choosing Forgiveness.<\/em>\u00a0 We spent some time with her talking about what the Bible has to say about the subject of forgiveness.\u00a0 That conversation was recorded.\u00a0 This month we are making the CD of that discussion available to those of you who are able to support this ministry with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you call or go online and make a donation feel free to request a copy of the CD <em>Choosing Forgiveness <\/em>with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.\u00a0 You can do that by typing the word \u201cforgive\u201d into the key code box on the donation form.\u00a0 When you do that we will send the CD out to you or you can call 1-800-FL-Today.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and mention that you would like the CD with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.\u00a0 Again we are happy to send it to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do appreciate your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We are listener supported so your donations are what keep us on the air in this city and in other cities all across the country.\u00a0 We are grateful for you and we appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we are going to talk more about singleness with our guest Carolyn Leutwiler.\u00a0 I hope you can be back for more of this conversation.\u00a0 I want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a9 2009 FamilyLife\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["13.28M"],"filesize_raw":["13924859"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-301857.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-301857.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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getting married the only goal a single should have?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cThere is no way that we as human beings can fulfill another person all of the time.\u00a0 There is just no way.\u00a0 We have to look to the Lord.\u00a0 I continually have to go back to the Lord and say, \u201cWhat does your scripture say?\u00a0 What do you say about me?\u201d and to believe that He has a plan and a purpose.\u00a0 I love Jeremiah 29:11.\u00a0 \u201cFor I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.\u00a0 Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.\u00a0 Plans to give you hope and a future.\u201d\u00a0 That is such a comfort.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 9th.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 As a single how do you resolve the tension you feel when the Lord\u2019s plans for you aren\u2019t the same as what you were hoping His plans would be?\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I would imagine if you went to most young women today, women who are in their late teens or early twenties, and you said, \u201cWhat\u2019s your aspiration?\u00a0 What\u2019s your goal?\u00a0 Ten years from now what would you like to be doing?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would guess that very few of those young women would say, \u201cI would hope that ten years from today maybe I could have written a book based on my own experience about singleness.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m guessing that nobody has that as kind of their goal for what they like to be doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, nobody may be a stretch but probably not a high percentage.\u00a0 We have a special guest with us.\u00a0 In fact we haven\u2019t had that many guests from Manhattan.\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking about Manhattan, Kansas.\u00a0 We have an opera star from Manhattan, New York.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s shaking her head.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not a star, but an aspiring star.\u00a0 Carolyn Leutwiler joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u00a0 Carolyn, you are a good sport to come all this way from New York City.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>It\u2019s wonderful to be here and see trees.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ve been looking forward to this interview.\u00a0 I have some questions for you of your preference.\u00a0 Are you ready for this?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0 Are you a Yankee or a Mets fan?\u00a0 She\u2019s shaking her head no.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t like baseball.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m a Cardinal fan if I have to choose.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Are you a New York Giants or are you a Jets fan?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have to say a Michigan Wolverine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She hasn\u2019t lived in New York long enough to have had that blood flowing through her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 One last question.\u00a0 Are you a Brooklyn Tabernacle person or a Redeemer Pres person?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Redeemer Pres because I go there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You not only go there.\u00a0 You are employed there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>You are the Administrative Coordinator of the Children\u2019s Ministry.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been there for 4 \u00bd years.\u00a0 You\u2019ve written a book, <em>Singleness Redefined.<\/em>\u00a0 I was thinking about Bob\u2019s introduction here of saying you didn\u2019t have that dream when you were a young lady of growing up to write a book about being single.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Not at all because I was going to be married by the time I was 27.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That was one of your goals?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 I knew it would happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So when it didn\u2019t happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>When it didn\u2019t happen, God really brought me through a lot.\u00a0 I had to really struggle through that realization that I wasn\u2019t married.\u00a0 Through that I ended up writing the book later because I saw that a lot of my friends were struggling, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to ask you about that struggle because it would seem like that\u2019s something that kind of comes on progressively.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s the same for young men as it is for young women.\u00a0 I doubt it is.\u00a0 I would imagine at 22 or 23 you are thinking, \u201cWell, okay.\u201d\u00a0 At 25 you are thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d\u00a0 At 27 you are starting to think, \u201cSomething is wrong.\u201d\u00a0 Do you remember going through the process yourself of realizing month in and month out, year in and year out, I thought I\u2019d be married by now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 That actually was exactly the timeframe I would say that I was on.\u00a0\u00a0 When I graduated from college I still had some years to have fun, look around, and figure out what I wanted to do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen once it got to about 25 I think I started being a little concerned.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Twenty-seven was very difficult.\u00a0 My late 20\u2019s were really, really hard for me.\u00a0 A season of trying to question, first of all, what do I do with my life now?\u00a0 I thought I would be a mom by this point.\u00a0 But then also having to work through with the Lord what does He call me to as a single person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that was a real struggle for me.\u00a0 I do think that for singleness there are seasons.\u00a0 Those seasons are different for different people.\u00a0 I think for some people, for example a lot of my friends in Manhattan, they moved to Manhattan to pursue a career, to pursue a dream that they had had.\u00a0\u00a0 Whether it be a dream of being on Wall Street or being a musician.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or singing opera.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So their dreams were around their professional abilities and achievement there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think so at that point.\u00a0 So those people, I would say, the struggle for them might be more in their 30\u2019s.\u00a0 Definitely, I think, we go through seasons.\u00a0 Some of them are much longer than others.\u00a0 My 20\u2019s it was really from at least 27 to maybe 30.\u00a0 I loved turning 30.\u00a0 It was great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You are a performer.\u00a0 Performers are good because they have high expectations of themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Set high standards, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 The only way to not experience disappointment in life, whether you are single or married, have children or don\u2019t have children, is to not have high expectations.\u00a0 But you had some high expectations for yourself and as a result that disappointment went deep, didn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 It did.\u00a0 I think so much of life is learning how to realign our expectations with what God is doing in our lives.\u00a0 So we have thoughts about our career, our family.\u00a0 So many different areas but to really look to the Lord and say, \u201cGod, what do You have for my life?\u00a0 What are Your expectations for my life?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have seen, too, in relationships, even with women friends of mine, where maybe I have expectations of having great times of intimacy with them and wonderful friendships.\u00a0 Yet it just doesn\u2019t always happen.\u00a0 I think so much of life is realizing that we have to come before God and see His amazing love for us and His amazing care for us regardless of how the circumstances in our lives play out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You, throughout your book, talk about specific lies that singles can believe and begin to embrace.\u00a0 Things that aren\u2019t true about them as people.\u00a0 What are a couple of those lies that they believe?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 One of them, I think one of the major problems in our society is we see beautiful images of women and men all over.\u00a0 Somehow we think that we have to be the same way.\u00a0 If people aren\u2019t asking us out then something is wrong with us physically, we are not attractive.\u00a0 So that is one lie from the entertainment industry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In fact interestingly, in your book you talk about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.\u00a0 Explain how that relates to singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think in that movie there is the scene where all the toys that have something wrong with them are taken to the island of misfit toys.\u00a0 I think sometimes as singles we can feel like something is wrong with us because we are not married, because someone has not asked us out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Or because in the church there really is not a good spot or a good place for singles to really congregate after college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Most churches are built around families.\u00a0 You are in a church with 65 percent of the congregation being single.\u00a0 But most churches if you are a single you are kind of on the edges of the church and not sure how you fit in, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think it can be that way.\u00a0 I think that is actually another lie in a way that singles and married people can fall into.\u00a0 I think it is easy to think as a single person that I have nothing to offer to the church or to a married couple or to a family.\u00a0 Vice versa.\u00a0 A family might think that they don\u2019t have anything to offer to the single.\u00a0 There is this impasse where the two parties aren\u2019t meeting.\u00a0 It is really a shame.\u00a0 We are the body of Christ.\u00a0 We need each other.\u00a0 I would love for it to be more organic.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you are on the island of misfits, I was just thinking back to your illustration about Rudolph and where all of the broken toys went.\u00a0 If you are on that island, the temptation is to look horizontally and compare yourself with other people.\u00a0 For you, comparison has been a source of frustration in your life.\u00a0 You think it\u2019s a big issue for singles as they face that issue as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Definitely.\u00a0 I think so often we hear that marriage is the next thing.\u00a0 It\u2019s the next place to go.\u00a0 It\u2019s the stepping-stone into happiness or something like that.\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to think that if I\u2019m not married then I don\u2019t have as much.\u00a0 I\u2019m missing out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor example, with my sister, I bring this up in the book, when I lived in the same town as they did, she was married at that point and I lived with them for a few months.\u00a0 It was so easy for me to look around and see everything that she had materially and also with her family, with her children and to think somehow I am missing out.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is so easy to go down a path of loneliness, regret, doubt, and frustration instead of looking at what God has given you.\u00a0 I think that single people have a wealth of opportunity.\u00a0 We have time to do things that married people cannot do.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to be accountable to anyone.\u00a0 On one hand, I mean I should be.\u00a0 I need to come under the accountability of the church and have the community.\u00a0 I think singles have to force themselves into that.\u00a0 It is very important to do that but it is easy as a single person to do whatever you want with your time.\u00a0 I think that instead of looking at what we don\u2019t have, we should look at all of the things that we do have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Even as you were saying that, I am thinking about a single who says, \u201cOkay, you are right.\u00a0 I should look at the benefits of singleness, which include:\u00a0 I\u2019ve got time that married people don\u2019t have.\u201d\u00a0 But now the default is: which means I can be more self-indulgent.\u00a0 Which means I can be more self-absorbed.\u00a0 I can be more selfish.\u00a0 If there is a trap right in the middle of contented singleness it\u2019s this: look at what I have-- lots more opportunity for selfishness than married people have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s totally true.\u00a0 I believe that\u2019s why single people have to fight against that.\u00a0 We have to look for opportunities to be in community, to be serving in the church or outside the church in outreach opportunities.\u00a0 I know for me I have to make a very, very conscientious effort and decision to do that type of thing.\u00a0 I could spend all of my time alone if I wanted to if I chose that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back to being alone.\u00a0 It\u2019s when you are alone that you can begin to have a pity party.\u00a0 You can go back to that comparison game.\u00a0 There\u2019s my sister with her four kids and the husband and all the activities.\u00a0 And look at my life.\u00a0 And withdraw.\u00a0 The phone\u2019s not ringing.\u00a0 They guy\u2019s not calling.\u00a0 In those dark moments, how do you handle that?\u00a0 I mean what\u2019s the process you go through in your soul to pull yourself out of that emotional ditch?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I have to go to the Word.\u00a0 That is the place.\u00a0 In scripture that is where I have found comfort.\u00a0 It\u2019s the only true, true foundation we have for life, for support, for sanity in this life. I think that\u2019s true for even married people.\u00a0 There is no way that we as human beings can fulfill another person all of the time.\u00a0 There is just no way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to look to the Lord.\u00a0 He has been the place that I have to go.\u00a0 I continually have to go back to the Lord and say, \u201cWhat does your scripture say?\u00a0 What do you say about me?\u201d and to believe that He has a plan and a purpose.\u00a0 I love Jeremiah 29:11.\u00a0 \u201cFor I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.\u00a0 Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.\u00a0 Plans to give you hope and a future.\u201d\u00a0 That is such a comfort.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So what does that plan look like for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I am finding out day by day.\u00a0 He\u2019s unfolding it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you\u2019re on a mission right now.\u00a0 Describe that because I think some singles who are listening in right now like what you are saying in theory but they are wondering what does that look like practically.\u00a0 You are saying first of all: not all of your questions about your future are answered.\u00a0 But in the midst of that\u2026.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Not all of my questions about my future are answered either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\u00a0 But I think for a single person\u2026I think because there is\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This defining issue of: am I going to be single or will I ever get married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 It\u2019s like an airplane circling the field feeling, like when I land this thing and get married then we\u2019ll get on with life.\u00a0 Life is what\u2019s happening right now. What is life for you?\u00a0 What is that mission and plan that you just talked about for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Recently because of this book it has centered around that.\u00a0 I found that a lot of my passion is to see single women truly living joy filled lives, joy filled lives, and also joyful.\u00a0 That God would encourage single women.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think for me I would say to single women, find things that you enjoy.\u00a0 What do you love doing?\u00a0 What has God given you as spiritual gifts, as giftings in your life, and follow those.\u00a0 See how He can use you.\u00a0 See what doors He will open up for you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInterestingly for me four and a half years ago what that meant is moving to New York City to pursue opera.\u00a0 Oddly enough it seems like that door is closing.\u00a0 I think even as we follow our passions in life that are God given, I think He uses those to direct us down other paths or maybe that path.\u00a0 Maybe that would have been the path God would have given for me.\u00a0 It seems like He\u2019s doing other things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe key is to stay open to what the Lord is doing in your life, to be prayerful, to really ask God to show you where does He want you to be, how does He want you to be using your time.\u00a0 Allow Him to direct you in that.\u00a0 There is a lot of joy in that and adventure too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What brings you joy right now?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes. What is your adventure all about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 Part of it is finding out what He would have for me each day.\u00a0 Not trying to get caught up in ten years from now, but today.\u00a0 What does He have for me today?\u00a0 What does He put before me and how can I serve Him in this moment?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love spending time with friends so it means picking up the phone and calling your friend.\u00a0 Don\u2019t wait for your friend to call you.\u00a0 I think we get into that trap a lot, of waiting until someone calls us.\u00a0 Call someone up.\u00a0 Go do something with a friend.\u00a0 Put yourself in places that bring you joy.\u00a0 For me I like music so go to a concert with a friend.\u00a0 Be about things that you enjoy but also remember to be in service, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You describe your late twenties until the time you were 30 as kind of your perpetual dark night of the soul, this season of despair.\u00a0 I would imagine that there are still, maybe not an extended season, but there have got to be nights when you go, \u201cOkay.\u00a0 I just did this radio interview.\u00a0 I talked about having joy in singleness.\u00a0 I wrote this book but frankly I\u2019m lonely tonight, this week.\u201d\u00a0 What do you do when that comes?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Carolyn:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think first of all we have to recognize that those are totally legitimate emotions.\u00a0 God has given us emotions.\u00a0 I think the thing to not do is to try to squelch those and say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m supposed to be joyful so I can\u2019t struggle.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you look at scripture it is replete with aching people, people crying out to God especially in the Psalms.\u00a0 Lord, why have you forsaken me?\u00a0 Why is my soul so disturbed within me?\u00a0 I think that can be of great comfort but also to remember that there always is an answer in that.\u00a0 For me, the answer is: I will yet praise you, God.\u00a0 That is always the hope that God will restore us, He will renew hope in us, He will bring us through that dark time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think also of how the Israelites spent 40 years in the desert.\u00a0 There is so much talk in scripture of the desert.\u00a0 In the desert it where God can do such an amazing work.\u00a0 That is where we have to call out to Him, we have to cry out.\u00a0 In a sense that is the beauty of suffering.\u00a0 In the times of suffering we really have to rely on God.\u00a0 Which I think is exactly where God wants us to be.\u00a0 It\u2019s a beautiful place to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think in America it is hard not to get up in the morning and expect all of your needs to be met, every day to go perfect and for your visions, dreams, and longings to be met or exceeded because we are a nation that has so much abundance of so many things.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet I think you put your finger on something with singles today that is true with married people as well.\u00a0 I think there are a lot of lonely single folks and, as you mentioned also married people, singles who are waiting to live life.\u00a0 They really need to first and foremost get on with deciding who is going to be Master and Lord of their lives and get busy about His mission and what He\u2019s got for them.\u00a0 Roll up their sleeves.\u00a0 Tackle it.\u00a0 Every day with everything they have.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen as you fulfill His mission, you are going to encounter Him.\u00a0 You are going to encounter people.\u00a0 You are going to have relationships that He brings along the way, as you have mentioned.\u00a0 People who you need to love on.\u00a0 People you need to encourage.\u00a0 People you need to build up.\u00a0 That\u2019s the kind of life that is going to be attractive to other people.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think, Bob, there are so many lies about being single today that can be so deceptive but at the same time alluring to singles thinking, \u201cThis is where I am going to find life.\u00a0 I\u2019m finally going to get it here.\u201d\u00a0 Do you know what?\u00a0 If it doesn\u2019t have God in the center, you are going to miss it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is where I always find myself coming back to Philippians chapter 4, whether it is a married person or a single person, it doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 The issue is a lack of contentment.\u00a0 You have to ask yourself, \u201cWhat is causing me to be discontented?\u00a0 Is it my circumstances or is it something about my own heart?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul says in Philippians 4, \u201cI have learned the secret of being content in whatever circumstance I find myself in.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s where he says, \u201cI can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s a part of what it means to redefine your singleness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have titled your book <em>Singleness Redefined.<\/em>\u00a0 We have that book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\u00a0 There may be some listeners who are surprised that we have books like this in the FamilyLife Today Resource Center but actually we have a lot of resources for singles.\u00a0 Over the years we have talked to lots of singles, got lots of biblical counsel on this subject.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 There is information there about Carolyn\u2019s book <em>Singleness Redefined<\/em>.\u00a0 There is also information about other resources we have for singles.\u00a0 Carolyn McCulley\u2019s book <em>Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?<\/em> is one of the resources that I am thinking of that we have there.\u00a0 All of the information is available on our website FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also call us toll-free at 1-800-FL-Today.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800, F as in family, L as in life, and the word today.\u00a0 When you contact us someone on our team can let you know about the resources that are available and make arrangements to have the ones you need sent to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we try to make sure we do here at FamilyLife is to have very honest, very transparent, sometimes challenging conversations with a variety of folks on biblical themes.\u00a0 We had that kind of a conversation not long ago with our friend Nancy Leigh DeMoss.\u00a0 She has written a book called <em>Choosing Forgiveness.<\/em>\u00a0 We spent some time with her talking about what the Bible has to say about the subject of forgiveness.\u00a0 That conversation was recorded.\u00a0 This month we are making the CD of that discussion available to those of you who are able to support this ministry with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you call or go online and make a donation feel free to request a copy of the CD <em>Choosing Forgiveness <\/em>with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.\u00a0 You can do that by typing the word \u201cforgive\u201d into the key code box on the donation form.\u00a0 When you do that we will send the CD out to you or you can call 1-800-FL-Today.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Make a donation over the phone and mention that you would like the CD with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.\u00a0 Again we are happy to send it to you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do appreciate your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We are listener supported so your donations are what keep us on the air in this city and in other cities all across the country.\u00a0 We are grateful for you and we appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we are going to talk more about singleness with our guest Carolyn Leutwiler.\u00a0 I hope you can be back for more of this conversation.\u00a0 I want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a9 2009 FamilyLife\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301857","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301857"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301857"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301857"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301857"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301857"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301857"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301857"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}