{"id":301854,"date":"2009-07-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-07-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/q-a-with-barbara-rainey\/"},"modified":"2009-07-03T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-07-03T15:00:00","slug":"q-a-with-barbara-rainey","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/q-a-with-barbara-rainey\/","title":{"rendered":"Q &#038; A With Barbara Rainey"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On today&#8217;s broadcast, popular author and speaker, Barbara Rainey, answers your most perplexing questions about parenting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-03.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"26.92M","filesize_raw":"28232099","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2855,2870,2881],"tags":[4798,2209],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3052,9108],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301854","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-teens","category-tweens","category-young-children","tag-kids","tag-parenting","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-various","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301854\/q-a-with-barbara-rainey","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301854\/q-a-with-barbara-rainey","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"vLl88gjjfQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/q-a-with-barbara-rainey\/\">Q &#038; A With Barbara Rainey<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/q-a-with-barbara-rainey\/embed\/#?secret=vLl88gjjfQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Q &#038; A With Barbara Rainey&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"vLl88gjjfQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"On today's broadcast, popular author and speaker, Barbara Rainey, answers your most perplexing questions about parenting.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-07-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think that you have every responsibility to communicate what you would like to see, but do it in a way that it\u2019s how can we work this out in our family, what would you like for me to do, how can I help, without you taking over, because communicating is so much of everything in a marriage. It\u2019s understanding where you\u2019re coming from, so he knows your needs and understands what your desire is, and what your heart is, but in a way that is nurturing to him so that he can be the leader.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 3. Our host is the President of FamilyLife Dennis Rainey and I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We\u2019re going to do some eavesdropping today, listening to some conversation that took place not long ago between Barbara Rainey and a group of young wives and moms. Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Bob, you know what, I\u2019ve been reading some of the mail from our listeners, and they want you and me out of here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What do you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 They want us off the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, but this is\u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 As in take the pink slip, and leave, Cleave!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 This is what I do \u2013 this is my job, are you telling me I\u2019m fired?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, we\u2019re both fired! (laughing) Our listeners want to hear from Barbara, my wife. I mean they have written; they appreciate the fact that we are now empty nesters, and that we are including her in on an increasing number of broadcasts here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, so frankly some have been so bold to say \u201cHave you guys thought about a second job?\u201d Well, I haven\u2019t, but you know she is good, I have to admit, so today you know what, Bob and I are out of here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s all up to Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We are just going to pass the microphone to her. She\u2019s actually not here in the studio. Actually, what we want to share with you is a question and answer session that she had with a group of young mom\u2019s in Nashville, Tenn. at Fellowship Bible Church in Franklin. They invited Barbara to come over and spend some time with the young mom\u2019s over there, and fortunately someone pushed the record button on a tape recorder, so you and I are out of here Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>She was doing her Titus 2 best, that day, and so we will turn it over to her, here is Barbara with some young mom\u2019s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I\u2019m leaving \u2013 just keep the microphone.Tell me when it\u2019s over!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay (laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, our first question--we are going to jump in, and our first question is with being a mom, and I know you have invested so much in your family, and family time.\u00a0 One of the moms asked, how can we teach biblical principles throughout the day to preschoolers, and what does spiritual training really look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Well, I think spiritual training is really parenting.\u00a0 I was thinking about some of the things that we teach our children through out the day, and the spiritual principles that we are teaching.\u00a0 For instance we teach our children to obey \u2013 well that is Ephesians 6:1 where it says children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right, so when you are teaching your child to obey you and to do what you say, to come when you call, all of those things you are teaching a biblical principle.\u00a0 I think sometimes we forget that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Another one is the whole idea of giving thanks when we pray over our meals, we are teaching our children to be thankful.\u00a0 When we teach them to say please and thank you which was always a big deal for me with my kids, we are teaching them to be thankful, and to have the right attitude, and that is a Christian attitude, that\u2019s a biblical perspective.\u00a0 I think sometimes we just think it\u2019s a kindness. Well, where does kindness come from?\u00a0 It comes from God!\u00a0 We wouldn\u2019t be kind if we didn\u2019t know God, and I think we forget that, that we are teaching biblical principles on a daily basis in some of the small things that we do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Another one I mentioned, too, is the whole issue of forgiveness.\u00a0 Ephesians 4 tells us to be kind to one another, tender hearted, and forgiving.\u00a0 Well children aren\u2019t naturally kind, they are not naturally tender hearted, they are tender.\u00a0 Now, I don\u2019t want you to think that I\u2019m saying they are not, but they have both.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to train that tender side, and reward the tender side, and teach them when they are not tender hearted.\u00a0 When they are mean, and when they take toys, and when they hit and bite, and those kinds of things we have to teach, we have to discipline, and we have to teach the forgiveness side.\u00a0 So in all of these little daily things, and there are so many daily things about parenting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I remember with my kids, it felt like some days that is all I did.\u00a0 All day long was correct, and spank, and we sat on the lap, and cried and said I forgive you, and we prayed and we got up and we went about our business, and an hour later I was just doing it again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAn hour later it just felt like that\u2019s all I did all day long.\u00a0 You do feel that way because it\u2019s such a repetitive thing. Child training is so repetitive, but in the process of doing those things, you are teaching your children to be kind, and to be tender hearted to their siblings, and to forgive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the basis for what you are doing, so I think there is a lot of biblical training that goes on. Sometimes we don\u2019t quote the verse to our child while we are doing it, and we might not be thinking, we\u2019re just thinking this is right, and this is not right. So I think with toddlers, and preschoolers, you could be doing a lot of biblical training but you are not necessarily memorizing Bible verses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This next one I think is something that most of us struggle with.\u00a0 How do we balance making time to play with our kids with all the other things that need to be done? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnybody can relate to that, cleaning, laundry, and all the things to catch up on.\u00a0 What\u2019s the answer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>There isn\u2019t an answer!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s how I think about balance.\u00a0 I think about it in all areas of my life. I think about a pendulum.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why I think about a pendulum, but you know something that\u2019s hanging, and I think about it swinging.\u00a0 How often is it really in dead center?\u00a0 It\u2019s usually here, and I\u2019m out of balance, and I go okay, I\u2019m out of balance here, I\u2019ve got to go this way, so I go this way, and I go okay, I\u2019m out of balance this way.\u00a0 I need to go this way. So, I go back this way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Balance is something that if it\u2019s perfect dead center.\u00a0 Well, are we going to ever be perfect? No! So, you kind of need to let yourself off the hook on that, and you need to realize that it\u2019s the balance of your overall life.\u00a0 It\u2019s the sum total of what you\u2019ve done with your children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not necessarily this minute.\u00a0 Or, am I balanced this minute, because you\u2019re probably not going to be.\u00a0 Am I balanced today, maybe not?\u00a0\u00a0 I mean your house may be a mess all day for a week, and by the end of the week you decide I can\u2019t stand it anymore I\u2019m going to clean it, and you clean all day long.\u00a0 You know, that kind of a thing \u2013 I mean you just can\u2019t, you can\u2019t maintain a balance in everything, every day. It\u2019s impossible!\u00a0 So, I want to say that in the beginning to let yourself off the hook because you can\u2019t, and it\u2019s okay that you can\u2019t.\u00a0 I think (laugh) I really do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the other thing that I would say is that in finding that balance, there is two things.\u00a0 You need to decide.\u00a0 One: you kind of need to know yourself.\u00a0 Are you a task person, or are you a relational person?\u00a0 I think we all tend to sort of be one or the other.\u00a0 I tend to be more task driven than I am relationship driven, so I always had, that was my struggle in balance.\u00a0 I was so frustrated because I couldn\u2019t get my tasks done, because I kept having to stop what I was doing to spank somebody, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter) \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tor to clean up spilled milk, or to get the laundry in the thing, or somebody, you know, had a dirty diaper. I mean I just couldn\u2019t stay focused, and that was a real frustration for me.\u00a0 Then there are people who are more relational oriented, and they won\u2019t get any of the tasks done, because they\u2019re having so much fun playing.\u00a0 So, I think you need to sort of know yourself, and know which direction you need to lean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>What battles are worth fighting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhich are not? Like, you know, we face battles every day whether they want to put their coat on, what food they\u2019re going to eat, are they going to eat any vegetables, any peas, you know, any fruit, you know sibling rivalry. I mean, what is it that really we need to say this is the battle worth fighting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>That\u2019s a tall order of a question!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Do you have a couple battles that we\u2019re fighting?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>This is a super spiritual answer, so you can kind of take it for what it\u2019s worth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing that I thought of is really the things we need to fight for, the things that God values.\u00a0 I know that\u2019s not in getting into any particulars.\u00a0 We can go there, but I was thinking about one of the two things that are going to last for eternity: God\u2019s word, and people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, I think I\u2019ve gotten caught up in the real picky things like eating vegetables, and some of that kind of stuff when it really didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 I would forget that it was the relationship with my child that really mattered, and that was more important than whether or not he did exactly or she did exactly what I thought they should do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of it is just our personal value system.\u00a0 My kids laugh at me now, I went through some stages, speaking of eating vegetables, of the healthy eating kind of thing.\u00a0 I started out real motivated, and then I\u2019d kind of slide.\u00a0 Then I kind of got on this kick again when I discovered that some of my kids had allergies, and I mean we were eating healthy food, I was baking bread, it was all whole wheat, we were you know, making yogurt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was doing all this kind of stuff, because I was going to make sure my kids were healthy, and we did it all right.\u00a0 It just got to be too much!\u00a0 My kids laugh at me now, and they go I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re feeding us some of this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\u00a0 Fed us, you know!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was for a while, it was kind of a season that I went through and my kids just sort of had to endure some of these seasons that I went through as a mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just kind of part of it.\u00a0 Looking back on it, it\u2019s easier for me to see now how some of those things that I thought were important really weren\u2019t that important.\u00a0 Your children obeying, that\u2019s worth fighting for.\u00a0 Respecting their dad, and respecting you, that\u2019s worth fighting for.\u00a0 Being kind; so those biblical values, those things are worth fighting for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the moms asked, what is the best way to transition from being a mommy to the wife that my husband needs, and that I would love to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>I think this is probably one of the most important questions that we\u2019re going to talk about today. The first thing that I think is essential: you have to decide, is your husband going to be number one, or are your kids going to be number one?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your husband is really into being\u00a0 the priority, and he really should be the priority over your children, you\u2019ve got to first make that decision, and then go from there.\u00a0 Secondly, what am I going to do about it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay if he is number one, how am I going to live that out in my family?\u00a0 How is he going to know that he\u2019s more important than the children?\u00a0 If you figure it out, even if you are working part-time, or full-time, your child still is going to get probably more actual time with you measured in counted minutes and hours.\u00a0 What can you do to communicate to your husband that he is still number one in your life?\u00a0 That\u2019s what you\u2019ve got to figure out!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are not really giving attention to your husband, you are not making him a priority when you end up with teenagers or the empty nest you are really going to be strangers.\u00a0 So, I want to encourage you to work hard on your marriage, and meet your husbands needs.\u00a0 Make him feel like a priority when he comes home at night.\u00a0 Don\u2019t just go, oh yes, here\u2019s somebody to help me get my things done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do that, and I did that! He\u2019s not your servant! He\u2019s not your slave; he\u2019s not your baby sitter,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s your husband! One of the things that I did, as I tried, even when my kids were older, as I tried to save energy somehow, and a lot of times it meant taking naps in the afternoons, instead of getting my things done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m a task person. It might mean for me, and it did many times, that I let my projects go, and during the afternoon when I might get something done that I wanted to get done, I took a nap, or just rested. Maybe not sleep, but rested, and did something so that I could save energy for my husband. That was a hard decision, because it was denying myself those precious hours that I had that I could spend sometime doing what I wanted to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing is we made getting away together a priority.\u00a0 Going out in the evenings, or getting away for weekends. I would highly recommend that you get away for a couple of weekends a year if you can, even if you swap kids with another couple, so that you can get time away for a weekend.\u00a0 It was always easier for me to focus on my husband when my kids weren\u2019t around, because they just want Mom.\u00a0 So that was another practical thing we did to try to keep that relationship healthy, and alive, and growing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We would love to know, what are some of your family traditions that you started, and how old were your kids when you started them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>One of the things that I think we started early on, that some of you I know do, with your children, and that is just bedtime prayers every night with our kids.\u00a0 That is something we started when our kids were little tiny, and we don\u2019t tend to think of that as a tradition because I think we do tend to think along holiday lines.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a tradition in your family that your children count on, and it becomes a comfort, and a security for them to know that these things are going to happen repetitively in their lives. So, doing prayers, I remember when our oldest one was about four or five months old, I remember getting angry at her when she was tiny.\u00a0 Just being so shocked that I would get angry at this tiny, helpless newborn.\u00a0 I remember thinking when I experienced that, I also needed to deal with it, and I looked at her, and I thought she doesn\u2019t understand what I feel, and I can\u2019t really ask her to forgive me. Then, I thought, yes I can. Even though she can\u2019t respond. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I thought, I need to begin the practice and the tradition of asking my child to forgive me when I make a mistake, even though she can\u2019t respond to me. That\u2019s another tradition that we started early on with our kids before they even could understand it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tApologizing when we did things wrong, so that they would see that as an example, and we could begin to teach them.\u00a0 That whole process of dealing with wrongs, and learning to forgive and to ask for forgiveness!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing that we did that was holiday related \u2013 I remember thinking when my kids were little that I didn\u2019t want my children to grow up thinking about Christmas in a real selfish way.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want them thinking for months ahead of time like I had done, and my brothers had done.\u00a0 I remember when I was little, we\u2019d sit with the catalog and we\u2019d flip through pages and mark everything we wanted, and it was all about me. It was all about what I wanted, and what I was going to get, and it was such a self \u2013focus. I didn\u2019t want my kids to grow up that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So, one of the things that we decided to do is that we wanted our kids to focus on giving, rather than receiving. We have this little tradition.\u00a0 We still give gifts for each other.\u00a0 We are now into the drawing names stage. Back when our kids were little, even when they had fifty cents, we helped them think about what they were going to give to each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, on Christmas morning, what we do, is everybody gets the presents that they purchased, that they are going to give, and so my kids are sitting there, and they have five, or six, or seven presents sitting around them. Then we take turns giving and so I would give my present that I got to Stephanie, and then it\u2019s her turn to give.\u00a0 So, the whole emphasis is on giving, and not receiving. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really been fun to watch my kids. They are so excited about giving, and they can\u2019t wait to give those presents. It\u2019s not that they can\u2019t wait to see what they are going to get. It really has sort of worked. I mean they are still excited when they are little about what they get \u2013 I mean they still were kids, and they still loved that part, but it\u2019s just a shift in thinking that I think we can begin to do as Mom\u2019s. So, that\u2019s one of the things that we did when they were younger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>How young do you think they can start doing that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u00a0 Probably three, or four, or five, because you can start helping them. I mean, taking them to the dollar store, and saying what do you want to give Daddy this year, and it was fun. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we\u2019ve done is we\u2019ve made a big deal of Thanksgiving in our house.\u00a0 Every year, we write down the five things that we\u2019re thankful for.\u00a0 I started doing that when Laura our youngest was about two, and of course she couldn\u2019t write.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got this piece of paper \u2013 it\u2019s just a lined notebook paper, eight and a half by eleven notebook paper, with three holes punched in it, and I remember asking her, what are you thankful for this year for Thanksgiving?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, I\u2019m thankful for my blankie, and my Mimi, and I can\u2019t remember what else, so I wrote that down, and then she scribbled all over it, and I still have that. So, even though she couldn\u2019t write, and she was only two years old, we just started that tradition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So every year at Thanksgiving one of the things that we do is everyone writes down five things that they are grateful to God for that year. You can start that with little, bitty kids.\u00a0 They may say I\u2019m thankful for my toys, but it\u2019s a beginning.\u00a0 As they get older, we\u2019ve had some wonderful times when our kids would share how grateful they were for a sibling for something, and as a parent you go Oh, Hallelujah, they like each other!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see all the sibling rivalry, and you see all that stuff, and then you\u2019ve got this moment where they have some clarity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator: <\/strong>\u00a0Amen\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>And, they\u2019re thinking and they say I\u2019m grateful for my brother.\u00a0 Especially my boys, when they said they were thankful for each other, I went oh, maybe they will not kill each other!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t(laughter)\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have those islands of hope.\u00a0 Then I saved all those, so its really been a treasure to have those cards that my kids have written on every year and see their handwriting change, and see the maturity as they go from being grateful for their toys to being grateful for their brother, to being grateful for God\u2019s word. I mean it has just been wonderful to see that progression.\u00a0 So, that is just kind of a smattering. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a new book out.\u00a0 I gave it to all my kids for Christmas, and it\u2019s on traditions.\u00a0 It\u2019s by Noel Piper \u2013 I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve heard of it or not, it\u2019s called<em> Treasuring God in our Traditions.<\/em>\u00a0 It might be something you want to get.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe talks about everything from nightly prayers, and all those kinds of just little rituals.\u00a0 Reading books: I did a lot of reading to my kids \u2013 that kind of thing that we don\u2019t tend to think of as traditions, to holiday kinds of traditions and how you communicate the truth in scripture to your children.\u00a0 So, I\u2019d recommend that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong>\u00a0 Our family started doing that after hearing about your tradition, and it has been such a special thing just in the last year. We started last Thanksgiving, and \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Oh, good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Moderator:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>To start a book and I thought to see the progression like you said of what they\u2019ve done.\u00a0 I also wanted you to tell them about the book that you\u2019ve written about Thanksgiving, because someone gave it to us, and I\u2019ve spent some time reading through it this Thanksgiving.\u00a0 It\u2019s something I want to be part of reading to our kids.\u00a0 Could you tell them about the book you wrote specifically for Thanksgiving?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Okay, I could do that. I wrote a book for Thanksgiving, and it\u2019s a read aloud book. It\u2019s a book that I hope families will read.\u00a0 It\u2019s very pretty, it has beautiful pictures, and it looks like a coffee table book.\u00a0 I\u2019m hoping it will be a book that is used, not just set out for display.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s the story of the Pilgrim\u2019s, and how our country was founded, and how these people endured incredible hardship as families that come to America.\u00a0 It\u2019s the real story of the Christian heritage that we are all enjoying today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I knew my kids weren\u2019t getting it in school, they just weren\u2019t getting it anywhere, and I wanted them to know and understand what they\u2019ve been given.\u00a0 When you understand, what you\u2019ve been given, and the sacrifice that it cost other people, it\u2019s so much easier to be grateful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we read that story every year at Thanksgiving.\u00a0 We read about them riding on the Mayflower and the children.\u00a0 When you see the replica, and Plymouth, it\u2019s just astounding that those people survived.\u00a0 Anyway, and once my kids hear that over and over again, they go gosh I do have things to be thankful for.\u00a0 So, the goal is for families to read this every year, just like we read the Christmas story every year, to read the Thanksgiving story every year, and remind our children of our heritage, and what it means to really be grateful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>We\u2019ve been listening together to Barbara Rainey\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Now I\u2019ll put the headphones on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I actually stayed here so I could listen to what your wife had to say while you went and did some other work. Were you making phone calls trying to find another job?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>No, I was listening. I was around the corner listening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You were?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Yes! <strong>\u00a0<\/strong>It pays to listen to your wife!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It does pay to listen to your wife. She was giving good advice\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Great advice!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>To the Moms about marriage, and about family. Again this was recorded in a local church setting in Franklin, Tenn. at Fellowship Bible Church there.\u00a0 You could tell, these Moms were paying attention they were listening.\u00a0 I think younger Moms really want to hear from a woman who is a little farther down the path than them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think there\u2019s two points of application besides what Barbara said here. Number one \u2013 if you are a Mom whose journey in raising children is about over, you need to start thinking about investing downward in the next generation of Moms and giving them courage, and cheering them on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly if you\u2019re one of those young Moms and you don\u2019t find someone like a Barbara Rainey that could come alongside you.\u00a0 Begin to pray and look around your local church, or a Bible study you might be in and see if you can\u2019t find someone that you could set up for a question and answer like they did with Barbara, and just pick her brain a bit.\u00a0 Find out how you juggle all these demands of life, and keep priorities and values, and proper tension with one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>In fact what some Moms may want to do is get a hold of a book that you and Barbara wrote together called <em>Growing a Spiritually Strong Family<\/em>, and if they can\u2019t have you and Barbara come and speak at the church, they can spend time with the two of you looking through this book and understanding what the foundational basics of having a spiritually strong family are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, you don\u2019t have to study through that in a group setting, you can do that on your own. We have copies of the book<em> Growing a Spiritually Strong Family<\/em> by Dennis and Barbara Rainey in our<em> FamilyLife Today <\/em>resource center, you can go on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com and the information about the book is available there.\u00a0 Again the website is FamilyLifeToday.com and because this is a holiday weekend, we don\u2019t have anybody manning the phones today, but normally you can get in touch with us via telephone at 1-800 \u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, an then the word TODAY. That\u2019s 1-800-FLTODAY so, if you want to wait until after the weekend to call us, or if you have access to the internet, just go on-line at FamilyLifeToday.com\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs always, we want to say a special word of thanks to those of you who don\u2019t just listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> but those of you who help support this ministry. We appreciate very much your financial support, your contributions are what keep this program on this local station each day, and we\u2019re glad to be partnered with you in that endeavor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month if you are able to help with a donation of any amount to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> we\u2019d like to send you as a thank you gift a CD that features a conversation Dennis and I had not long ago with author and speaker Nancy Leigh DeMoss. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe is the host of the daily radio program <em>Revive Our Hearts<\/em>, and we were talking with her about the subject of forgiveness.\u00a0 She\u2019s written a book called <em>Choosing Forgiveness. <\/em>We\u2019d love to make the CD of that conversation available when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> this month with a donation of any amount.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com and when you do that, type the word \u201cforgive\u201d in the key code box on the donation form so that we will know to send you a copy of this CD, or call us after the weekend at 1-800-FLTODAY, and you can make your donation by phone and just mention that you\u2019d like to receive a copy of this CD.\u00a0 Again, we want to say thanks in advance for your financial support and we do appreciate you very much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to spend some time together this weekend, and of course to worship together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you can join us back on Monday. We are going to talk to the author of a book that Barbara Rainey has been recommending to a lot of people in the last year. Jerry Sittser has written a book called <em>A Grace Disguised<\/em> about how the soul grows through suffering and loss, and I hope you can join us for our conversation with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today Keith Lynch and our entire broadcast production team on behalf of our host Dennis Rainey I\u2019m Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a9 2009 FamilyLife\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301854","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301854"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301854"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301854"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301854"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301854"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301854"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301854"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}