{"id":301833,"date":"2009-06-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/value-your-wife-above-everything\/"},"modified":"2024-11-20T13:14:15","modified_gmt":"2024-11-20T18:14:15","slug":"value-your-wife-above-everything","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/value-your-wife-above-everything\/","title":{"rendered":"Value Your Wife Above Everything"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Is your wife your super hero? Today author Jess MacCallum, the often-challenged husband of a Proverbs 31 woman, shares an indispensable principle every husband needs know in order to love and lead his very capable wife.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is your wife your super hero?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-06-03.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.82M","filesize_raw":"12398626","date_recorded":"2009-06-03 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901],"tags":[4284,4868,4698],"podcast_series":[7650],"cwp_profile":[3256],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301833","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","tag-father","tag-husband","tag-manhood","podcast_series-i-married-wonder-woman-now-what","cwp_profile-jess-maccallum","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301833\/value-your-wife-above-everything","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301833\/value-your-wife-above-everything","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"YSvMKZHoDI\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/value-your-wife-above-everything\/\">Value Your Wife Above Everything<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/value-your-wife-above-everything\/embed\/#?secret=YSvMKZHoDI\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Value Your Wife Above Everything&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"YSvMKZHoDI\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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The time they were about to get eaten by the sharks, do you remember this?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong> That\u2019s in the actual Batman movie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 In the movie, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 He and Robin on the helicopter and they had bat shark repellent in the belt.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 (laughter)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Here, give it up right there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, that voice is the voice of our guest who has a utility belt for husbands.\u00a0\u00a0 He is not dressed in full uniform.\u00a0 He is on the back of his book\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> (laughter)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 So far as you can tell.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jess MacCallum joins us on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Jess welcome.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Thank you very much for having me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 He is the only, the only guest, since 1992 when we started this broadcast who has written a book that has a picture of both he and his wife in super hero costume on the back of their book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 What is this costume you\u2019re wearing on the back?\u00a0 It\u2019s a red something?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a photo shop effect.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 (laughter)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s sort of the old Shazzam costume.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But you have a cape.\u00a0 And she has some kind of\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 I do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 She\u2019s got the tiera.\u00a0 She\u2019s got the Wonder Woman thing working, right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 She does.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Is that photo shop, too?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 No, the clothes were actual but the little swash is photo shopped in.\u00a0 The clouds in the background are photo shopped.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 The reason he can do that is he\u2019s a businessman and COO of a commercial printing company so he has all this stuff at his disposal and he created and printed the book and photo shopped the picture on the back of the book.\u00a0 (laughter)<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ve written a book called, <em>I Married Wonder Woman.<\/em>\u00a0 Who is Wonder Woman?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me say for standard publishing sake I didn\u2019t print this book,<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Really.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Because they would be a little upset if they thought I was taking credit for their work.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 (laughter)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 (laughter)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 I tried to print their work and they turned me down but when they buy the rights they can do what they want to.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 You didn\u2019t get the low bid.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 I did not nor would I have low bid that job?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 (laughter)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 I would have made money on it if I could.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u00a0 (laughter) Well, who is wonder woman?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wonder woman from the Provberbs 31 chapter is woman you think you want, you have an outline on what to find, and you get her and you have no idea what you have caught hold of.\u00a0 A lot of us married wonder woman we just didn\u2019t know it until we got hold of it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 We out punted our coverage, that kind of expression, right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, this is the dog that chases the car and if it caught it it wouldn\u2019t know what to do with it.\u00a0 A lot of us did this.\u00a0 We thought we wanted it.\u00a0 We got it and it was the adventure of a lifetime.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Let me read a couple of verses from Proverbs 31.\u00a0 Verse 10\u2014an excellent wife who can find?\u00a0 She is far more precious than jewels.\u00a0 Then verse 29\u2014Many women have done excellently but you surpass them all.\u00a0 This truly is a wonder woman.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 You woke up one morning and decided you know what this is what I caught.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, this is my experience and it\u2019s summed up best by the blurb in the front of the book.\u00a0 It was a quote from Mr. Incredible to Mrs. Incredible from the movie \u201cThe Incredibles\u201d in 2005.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 By the way guys listen carefully to what Mr. Incredible said you can use this tonight to affirm your wife.\u00a0 This is really a good line.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 It\u2019s a classic line.\u00a0 He said, \u201cYou are my greatest adventure and I almost missed it.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 That is for me in my experience and I can\u2019t speak for all marriages.\u00a0 I have a 20 year study going on on mine and I can tell you I have plenty of opportunities where I have missed it entirely and tried to catch up and get out ahead of her while she was heading off strongly in a good direction.\u00a0 I was having to get out ahead and try to lead that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 A super hero has to have a tool belt and as Bob said Batman had one and you have one.\u00a0 What\u2019s the first tool in your tool belt for husbands?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, it\u2019s that verse you read.\u00a0 Value your wife above everything else.\u00a0 The Proverbs 31 husband\u2014this occurred to me to write some of these things down as I was studying Proverbs looking for where she was falling short that day.\u00a0 In my meditations the Lord sort of said to me, you know there\u2019s really no reason why this kind of a woman would have married you anyway if she had known what she was in for.<\/p>\n<p>(laughter)<\/p>\n<p>It was very much a log in my own eye experience.\u00a0 I started reading it again and again.\u00a0 For weeks I would read over it and wonder what did that guy have that attracted her or would have kept her happy in that situation?\u00a0 Why was she that kind of a wife?\u00a0 Because the husband has such a huge influence on his wife he must be doing something that I\u2019m not doing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 As you make that point I think it\u2019s important for us to recognize just what you\u2019re saying.\u00a0 We inspire one another in marriage.\u00a0 Either we inspire one another to be nobler and better than our nature would make us be or we inspire one another to go the other direction.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Mediocrity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Yes, be selfish and self indulgent and just close ourselves off in our own world.\u00a0 You dated Anne for 9 years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I tried to date her for 9 years.\u00a0 You have to remember we met when we were 15 and I was completely blown away.\u00a0 For the next three years I tried to get a date with her and she just kind of blew me off.\u00a0 I mean I even switched youth groups to be around her.<\/p>\n<p>We kept up through college.\u00a0 We were friendly.\u00a0 I was not exclusive.\u00a0 I was growing in Christ at a certain point where she was not and then later in college she really caught on fire.\u00a0 Toward the end of college we ended up both on the same short term missions in Japan.\u00a0 I thought it was going to ruin my experience because I was trying to forget about her at this point.\u00a0 I figured after a good 6 or 7 years it just was not going to work out.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you hadn\u2019t manipulated the circumstances to appear in Japan with her?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 She actually followed me and ruined my trip.<\/p>\n<p>(laughter)<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 I was going around the world to get away from this person that was just not going to respond.\u00a0 She found out and in some magical way raised the cash in 30 days and was gone to Japan to teach conversational English back in the summer of 1986.\u00a0 It ruined my summer.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 What turned the corner for you?\u00a0 Was it that summer when you fell in love with her all over again?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, I got over the bitterness part of being ignored all those years and having tried to find other romantic interests that the Lord would lead me to.\u00a0 I was in a college ministry the whole time and I was doing it rightish.\u00a0 The way the formula says.\u00a0 Praying about it.\u00a0 Trying to forget about it.\u00a0 Kind of Elisabeth Elliott generation\u2014just pray that God will take all those feelings away.\u00a0 And he just really doesn\u2019t answer prayer at least along those lines.<\/p>\n<p>(laughter)<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s probably the best time he\u2019s ignored my prayers.<\/p>\n<p>So we get to Japan and we\u2019re across Tokyo.\u00a0 We still can\u2019t see each other because there\u2019s a no dating policy so we\u2019re writing in Japan.\u00a0 We got back and I told her in Japan in a good stiff sort of way, I\u2019m in love with you and you know it.\u00a0 That\u2019s all I can do.\u00a0 Either pursue it until we get married or this thing is completely out of the picture for me and I will do something else.\u00a0 I will move around the world or whatever.\u00a0 And her response was, well, thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 That was it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, thank you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, that\u2019s what I thought, too.\u00a0 I said, I\u2019ve done this for 6 or 7 years I can stand it again a little longer.\u00a0 So, I pursued her for another year after we got back from that experience and the Lord just softened her heart.\u00a0 I wore her down and that was it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 So how did you ask her to marry you?\u00a0 There has to be a good story there.\u00a0 After 9 years of pursuing her.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was actually a very standard romantic dinner for two out and the ring.\u00a0 But I had prepared it by asking her father\u2019s permission.\u00a0 Since I have a graphic arts background and had access to a printing company I designed a gorgeous, multi font, old fashioned looking engraved piece of work and it was framed.\u00a0 I handed it to him and it asked if I could have permission to ask for her hand.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I want to know if you recognized her as wonder woman?\u00a0 You obviously recognized when you were dating because you went 9 years in pursuit.\u00a0 Did you recognize it in the first 5 years of your marriage as well?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was pretty much right out of the shoot.\u00a0 After we started really dating we were engaged and we were in ministry with the Navigators even after college. We shared a number of events and things.\u00a0 Her heart was obvious.\u00a0 There was no question.\u00a0 She wanted to grow.\u00a0 She was doing it on her own even before we got married and that was one of the criteria because you want someone who is already moving in the same direction.\u00a0 Yes, it showed up quickly.\u00a0 But what really took off is she\u2019s an amazing song writer and vocalist.\u00a0 She is invited to do things regularly and the attention to her was percolating and people were asking her to lead ladies conferences and coffee houses and lead worship for church and things.<\/p>\n<p>Some of that was what got my attention.\u00a0 I did find the response that most men have, I had and I\u2019m assuming some men can relate to this.\u00a0 Your wife is being drawn into these ministries or getting more opportunities and attention than you are and you either are intimidated by that and you begin to compete and that\u2019s not the right arena for your natural competitiveness.\u00a0 That\u2019s something else.\u00a0 You use that in business or sports but you don\u2019t do that with your wife.\u00a0 So you\u2019re competing and you try and pull her back a little bit or you\u2019re going to abdicate and just dump the whole thing on her.\u00a0 Whatever she decides you do and you fail to lead at all.<\/p>\n<p>Either one is a reaction.\u00a0 A pendulum swing.\u00a0 I went through both of those phases where I was going to make sure I was out in front of it and filter it all and I was going to be part of it.\u00a0 Or just tell me what you\u2019re schedule is and I\u2019ll work around it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 So you were a little jealous you think of the attention she was getting?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Oh, yes.\u00a0 And that was early on.\u00a0 We got married at 23 years old.\u00a0 I\u2019m not claiming to be mature today (laughter) and I certainly wasn\u2019t mature then.\u00a0 She is a super, super person.\u00a0 She\u2019s got a great personality.\u00a0 We have three kids and we\u2019re all five extroverts.\u00a0 It\u2019s just a challenge.\u00a0 I thought I\u2019d write down my notes on what I discovered from Proverbs 31 about a husband of a really challenging, dynamic decision maker who could probably do almost as well without him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 When you talk about your wife as challenging you\u2019re not saying challenging in the sense that there are big issues that you have to try to adjust to as a husband.\u00a0 You\u2019re saying challenging in that she\u2019s a capable, competent woman and at some point you ask, what does she need me for?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was the compliment of my life that she said yes, I\u2019ll marry you.\u00a0 Her choices would have been virtually unlimited if she had stayed single.\u00a0 She could have done a lot better as it were.\u00a0 I was challenged in the sense that she wanted to grow and my level of interest in growing was up and down and up and down and hers was a lot more constant.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Jess, I\u2019m glad you\u2019ve written this book because there are a lot of men who do as Bob said, they out punt their coverage.\u00a0 They marry a woman who is stronger and more gifted in many areas than they are.\u00a0 What they can do is shrink back and become passive and not lead out.\u00a0 As I look at all 12 of these tools on your tool belt they are all proactive.\u00a0 They are all about a man really fulfilling his assignment in life of loving, nourishing, cherishing, carrying for his wife.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes, you have a capable talented gifted wife and that doesn\u2019t mean that you\u2019re now off the hook or you go to the closet but God has still called you to be a husband and a man and a leader and , a lover, a provider and a protector even if she is a capable gifted talented wife, right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 And that is our calling.\u00a0 We\u2019re designed that way.\u00a0 How it works out and how it looks in our culture and with certain variables that are not addressed I would say sort of the normal course of Christian husband teaching.<\/p>\n<p>For example, if your wife made vastly more money than you did.\u00a0 How would you react to that?\u00a0 Is there any way you could still be a leader financially if she\u2019s the bread winner?\u00a0 I believe men are supposed to provide financially.\u00a0 But that means everybody who is a high powered attorney, a doctor, or a star, an actress, someone making millions and you\u2019re just a really good whatever\u2014I mean does it mean you can\u2019t be compatible?\u00a0\u00a0 Those are some of the issues.\u00a0 I wish I faced that issue specifically.\u00a0 (laughter) She does not make millions.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 But, more importantly, can that man still be the leader and lover and the one who nourishes and cherishes his wife?\u00a0 Because no matter how much money she makes she still needs to be cared for as a husband cares for his wife.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go back to this first tool in your tool belt\u2014value your wife above everything.\u00a0 How does a man do that practically?\u00a0 What did you learn?\u00a0 I mean, here you are married to super woman, you\u2019re growing as a new husband.\u00a0 What did you find out about that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong> That\u2019s the sneaky one of the bunch because everyone is excited when you first get married.\u00a0 If you\u2019re not, you\u2019re probably an idiot to start the whole process anyway.\u00a0 You\u2019re showing off your new wife and you\u2019re happy and you\u2019re just excited about it.<\/p>\n<p>Then the normal stuff of life starts to creep in.\u00a0 Your career makes more demands on you and things happen and the kids come along.\u00a0 Finally you wake up one day and you\u2019re taking her for granted as your helper.\u00a0 Not your help mate.\u00a0 Not the person that you are supposed to be delighted over above all else.\u00a0 Now she\u2019s not doing the laundry.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got this project to meet.\u00a0 It was God\u2019s design that Eve was a helper to Adam.\u00a0 His assignment could have changed a hundred times over if they\u2019d stayed in the garden.\u00a0 Name the animals.\u00a0 Tend the garden.\u00a0 But she was a helper to complete him not just an assistant gardener and an assistant animal keeper or namer.\u00a0 So men tend to forget that and they have be reminded by scripture.<\/p>\n<p>The other thing I found was just plain growing up.\u00a0 A lot of us got married young.\u00a0 I think Bob, I had listened to your testimony one time and you just make a lot of big dumb mistakes in the beginning because you\u2019re not anything but a kid.\u00a0 The Holy Spirit does not guarantee maturity because there are all kinds of 50 and 60 year old people with 15 year old souls running around this place with the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 You\u2019ve grow up but you\u2019ve got like the scripture and the take them both and you have to pause and reassess what you think of your wife.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I think you make a great point.\u00a0 In fact, I\u2019m just sitting here thinking about the difference between a helpmate and a helper.\u00a0 How often do I fall into the trap of just looking at my wife as that helper?\u00a0 As the one who is kind of taking care of all the details I need to keep my life managed rather than my companion.\u00a0 My wife.\u00a0 My lover.\u00a0 My friend.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 The jewels illustration in that verse is fascinating to me because a jewel is most valuable in its finished polished form but you\u2019d never chunk it out as a rock if it weren\u2019t polished.\u00a0 You\u2019d keep it.\u00a0 You\u2019d work on it.\u00a0 You\u2019d try to bring the best out of it.\u00a0 You certainly would never stop working on it and then expect it to appreciate.\u00a0 It takes effort to make sure she\u2019s the most valuable thing in your life.\u00a0 You have to check your own affections.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Then after the stone is finished you display it.\u00a0 So its glory and splendor can be reflected for all to see.\u00a0 I\u2019m in a mentoring relationship with a couple of young men and I\u2019m constantly encouraging them to appreciate your wife who is taking care of those children at home all day long while you\u2019re at work.\u00a0 While you\u2019re enjoying lunch out and while you\u2019re doing your things getting your feathers stroked.\u00a0 Go home and appreciate her for what she does.\u00a0 Maybe she\u2019s a working mom and she\u2019s juggling multiple rings in the circus.\u00a0 Appreciate her for what she does.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 There are a couple of the utility belt items that have chapters on them that we may be able to talk about.\u00a0 One of them was about praising her to her face and teaching your children to do the same thing but there\u2019s also one that the Proverbs point to directly and that is to praise her in public.\u00a0 It\u2019s the last verse and the last item about her being praised in the city gates.\u00a0 It makes an absolutely vast difference how you speak to your wife in public.\u00a0 Whatever you say in private is one thing, good or bad but if you put it outside in front of two or three people and it\u2019s amplified with a mega phone good and bad.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell you how I had to learn this.\u00a0 Mary Ann and I, I can tease her.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got the kind of relationship where we can tease one another.\u00a0 There\u2019s no problem.\u00a0 But when you tease in public it\u2019s a different deal and I learned that early on.\u00a0 When I\u2019ve wounded my wife\u2019s spirit through what I thought was just playful teasing and in her mind it was damaging her in the public square.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 I\u2019m only a student of my wife so when I say wives I\u2019m generalizing out of ignorance.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have but the one.\u00a0 So, I\u2019ll say my wife she takes that as disloyalty.\u00a0 It\u2019s just her nature and I assume that\u2019s part of being a woman.\u00a0 They want the protection of your opinion in front of other people.\u00a0 But there\u2019s another part about bragging in public that I put in the book and it\u2019s this.\u00a0 It\u2019s a two sided bill board.\u00a0 You\u2019re on one side and she\u2019s on the other.\u00a0 If you broadcast your wife as the greatest thing on earth and you\u2019ve never met my wife you can\u2019t wait to meet her.\u00a0 Or if my wife is well known and they obviously have a good opinion of her and they meet me.\u00a0 I must be a super hero because look at what I got.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>On the contrary if you talk about your wife in an ugly manner because mother-in-laws and wives that\u2019s fifty percent of all jokes in America.\u00a0 So you talk about her and you think to yourself this guy\u2019s at least an idiot for marrying a woman this atrocious and then telling people about it.\u00a0 You\u2019re putting a bill board of yourself as an idiot up there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 You know when I got your book and I took a look at it, <em>I Married Wonder Woman<\/em> I thought that rascal just got a point with his wife.<\/p>\n<p>(laughter)<\/p>\n<p>You really practiced here what you\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 You\u2019re really bragging about your wife and talking about how great she is.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never met her but what you just described about the bill board in a sense I met her through the book before I met you.\u00a0 I thought he\u2019s going to be an interesting guy because he\u2019s married to quite a woman.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 I will emphasize this because my wife does get a little awkward about too much attention on her being a wonder woman.\u00a0 She certainly would never describe herself as this.\u00a0 She would probably shun the idea of being the \u201cProverbs 31 woman.\u201d\u00a0 She just does not see herself fitting that mold.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u00a0Well, if she doesn\u2019t shun it then she\u2019s not the Proverbs 31 woman.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jess MacCallum:<\/strong>\u00a0 Exactly.\u00a0 My point I guess is that a lot of us married Proverbs 31 woman we just didn\u2019t know it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong>\u00a0 Back to a point Bob made earlier.\u00a0 In marriage we can either draw the very best out of our spouses or we can call them down to mediocrity and to ultimately sin.\u00a0 I think ultimately what our assignment is as husbands is to so love, so nourish, so cherish our wives with our words, our actions, our attitudes that we\u2019re calling them up to become something greater than they even ever imagined they might become.\u00a0 That really is a great picture of what a Christian marriage looks like.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong>\u00a0 And this is one of those things where a smart guy is going to lean into the counsel of other men who have done it right and other men who have blown it as well.\u00a0 You really want the benefit of the wisdom of guys who are seeking God and trying to do this according to the scriptures and hear from them how they\u2019ve done it right and how they have done it wrong.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s what Jess is providing for us in the book that he has written, <em>I Married Wonder Woman, Now What?<\/em>\u00a0 I think particularly for a guy who would feel like I married who is very competent in a lot of areas and sometimes I feel like what do I have to offer in this situation or how do I lead a woman who is a very capable woman?\u00a0 Jess\u2019s book helps in that regard.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got copies of it in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go to our web site FamilyLifeToday.com and the information is available there.\u00a0 Again, it\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 The book is called <em>I Married Wonder Woman, Now What? <\/em>\u00a0On the same page we\u2019ve got information about other books we have available to help guys get engaged in their assignment as men and as husbands.<\/p>\n<p>Go to the web site familylifetoday.com or call toll free 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That\u2019s 1-800 F as in \u201cfamily\u201d L as in \u201clife\u201d and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Someone on our team can let you know how you can get a copy of Jess\u2019s book sent to you.<\/p>\n<p>Speaking of books to help men in their assignment as husbands this month we are making<\/p>\n<p>available the book <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>.\u00a0 A book I had an opportunity to write a<\/p>\n<p>number of years ago.\u00a0 It gives a job description.\u00a0 A manual for men to understand what is<\/p>\n<p>fundamental assignment as a husband.\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re making the book available to those of you<\/p>\n<p>who are able to help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any<\/p>\n<p>amount.\u00a0 FamilyLife Today is listener supported and as some of you know over the last several months our ministry like many other ministries has been affected by the current economic downturn.\u00a0 Now more than ever your donations for the ministry of FamilyLife Today are extremely significant.\u00a0 If you\u2019re able to make a donation this month either online or by calling 1-800-FLTODAY you can request a copy of the hardback book, The Christian Husband.<\/p>\n<p>We are happy to send it out to you as our way of saying thank you for your financial support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 If you\u2019d like to receive the book when you make your donation online simply type the word \u201chusband\u201d in the key code box on the online donation form or call 1-800- FLTODAY and make your donation by phone and ask for the book, <em>The Christian Husband.<\/em><em>\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em>We\u2019re happy to send it out to you and we do so much appreciate your support of this ministry.\u00a0 It means a lot to us.<\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow we\u2019ll talk more with Jess MacCullum about the challenges a man faces when he marries a woman who\u2019s an extremely capable woman.\u00a0 We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\u00a0 Help for today.\u00a0 Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong><\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301833","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301833"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301833"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301833"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301833"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301833"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301833"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301833"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}