{"id":301762,"date":"2009-02-05T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-05T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/intimate-issues-part-1\/"},"modified":"2009-02-05T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-05T17:00:00","slug":"intimate-issues-part-1","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/intimate-issues-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Intimate Issues, Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You\u2019re in the mood, but your husband isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-02-05.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.13M","filesize_raw":"11672080","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4066,4540],"podcast_series":[7630],"cwp_profile":[9156,9157],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301762","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-intimacy","tag-sex-drive","podcast_series-igniting-passion-in-your-marriage","cwp_profile-linda-dillow","cwp_profile-lorraine-pintus","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301762\/intimate-issues-part-1","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301762\/intimate-issues-part-1","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"OvfWdV1roH\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/intimate-issues-part-1\/\">Intimate Issues, Part 1<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/intimate-issues-part-1\/embed\/#?secret=OvfWdV1roH\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Intimate Issues, Part 1&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"OvfWdV1roH\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-02-05.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-02-05.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I think of one dear woman, Christie, who said to me, \"I realize that the only person I can work on is myself.\u00a0 My husband has not changed in this area.\u00a0 He still is not interested, and my self-worth can't be dependent on whether he is interested in me sexually.\u00a0 I must love him as God wants me to love him, seek ways to encourage him, but this cannot be ballooned into something that's going to ruin my life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, February 5th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today we'll provide some help for wives whose husbands would say, \"I am just not interested.\"\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 And it's appropriate, as we start today's program with Day 32 of the Love Dare.\u00a0 We've been going through the book, \"The Love Dare,\" which was featured in the movie, \"Fireproof,\" which is now out on DVD, and if you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, you can find information both about the book and about the DVD.\u00a0 You can order them, and we can send them to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo your dare for today, if at all possible, try to initiate intimacy with your husband or your wife today and do it in a way that honors what your spouse has told you or what you picked up about what he or she desires from you in this area of your marriage.\u00a0 Ask God to make this time something that is enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater, deeper intimacy in your marriage.\u00a0 So that's your Love Dare assignment for today and, again, if you'd like more information about the book, \"The Love Dare,\" or the DVD of the movie \"Fireproof,\" go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and we've got the information available there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, again, we've been talking about this subject of intimacy in marriage and the sexual dimension of marriage this week, and we've encouraged our listeners, you may have younger children who you would want to divert during this conversation, because we're trying to talk appropriately and respectfully on a subject that is for mature audiences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, a Hebrew boy was not allowed to read the book, The Song of Solomon in the Bible until after his bar mitzvah because his father knew better than to let him go reading around in that book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yeah, I'll never forget, in class one day Howard Hendricks made the statement while I was in Dallas Theological Seminary.\u00a0 He said, \"We should not be ashamed to discuss that which God was not ashamed to create.\"\u00a0 And I think how many times we, as Christians, stutter and stammer and, you know, we don't want to talk about such intimate issues publicly let alone on Christian radio, Bob, but it needs to be talked about because there certainly are enough messages being communicated through the media today that we need to get the Christian message out through that same medium.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I wouldn't encourage anyone to do this, but if you were to scan your dial right now on the radio \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, my goodness, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And just stop on each station and listen, you'd find a half a dozen stations where there is a song playing or a DJ talking, and they're talking about what we're going to be talking about, but they're not talking about it from a biblical perspective, and that kind of mind pollution is what's got us in the mess we're in today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really has.\u00a0 With us today are the authors of a book called \"Intimate Issues, Conversations Woman-to Woman About the Subject of Sex.\"\u00a0 Lorraine Pintus and Linda Dillow join us here on Thursday for FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Ladies, welcome back.\u00a0 I feel like it's been a \u2013 well, a time of honest communication but a good time of talking about an area that doesn't receive a lot of clear communication in Christian circles.\u00a0 So thanks for being on the broadcast this week and thanks for your book, \"Intimate Issues.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Thanks, it's great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> We're glad to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Today on the broadcast, what I want to talk about is a subject that doesn't get addressed in Christian circles, either.\u00a0 In fact, usually, it's the complaint that women are not interested.\u00a0 But I want to begin today's broadcast by talking about men who aren't interested in the physical relationship, because you address this in your book, and we get letters here on FamilyLife Today from listeners who say, \"It's not me that's not interested, it's my husband.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> It is a real problem today, Dennis.\u00a0 I was speaking at a conference, and during that one weekend, three different women came up to me and said, \"Linda, there is nobody I can talk to here.\u00a0 Nobody would understand,\" and each of them had the same problem \u2013 their husband was never interested.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of these women, when I walked in the door, I spotted her across the room, and my first thought was, \"What a classy lady.\"\u00a0 She was about my age, and she was exquisite.\u00a0 It looked like she'd walked out of a Vogue magazine, and yet she was one of those women that came up and said, \"Linda, this is what my husband said to me.\u00a0 He said, 'I love you, I admire you, but there is no chemistry between us, and there will be no sexual relationship.'\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is so devastating to a woman, because she feels unfeminine, she feels unattractive and, believe me, this woman was attractive.\u00a0 I was thinking, \"Oooh, I wish I looked like she did,\" and yet her husband had said to her, \"I'm just not interested in you.\"\u00a0 It is a major problem today, and we call it the \"problem no one talks about,\" because most wives are standing around saying, \"Oh, I wish he wasn't so interested,\" and a dear woman doesn't want to interject and say, \"Gosh, I wish I had that problem.\u00a0 My husband is never interested in me.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Linda, do you think this is a recent phenomenon or do you think this has been a problem that's been around forever?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I'm sure that the problem has been around forever, but I think it has escalated because of pornography.\u00a0 Many Christian men are involved in pornography on the Internet, and when they are stimulated by such unhealthy, evil things, they are not that interested in a normal sexual relationship with their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> Another reason that husbands sometimes aren't interested is they might be taking a medication that might inhibit their desires \u2013 things like heart medications, antidepressants, many of these things inhibit sexual desire, and in the book we do have a sidebar that lists some of those drugs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sometimes what can inhibit a man's sex drive can be his attention to work and the stress he is under in his vocation.\u00a0 Also, some men, I think, are afraid of a relationship with their wives.\u00a0 I think the safe and secure route is to avoid the initiation.\u00a0 Sex, for a man, is a very risky proposition.\u00a0 And for a young man today, starting out his marriage, who may be carrying some emotional baggage into that relationship, he may find it difficult to initiate with his wife and risk the rejection, risk the failure as a man in initiating the sex act.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd a wife, at that point, can begin to feel rejected and feel like he's not interested in her at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> That's right.\u00a0 I think there are two things a woman can do \u2013 the first thing is, she needs to have an honest talk with her husband.\u00a0 They need to talk out these things.\u00a0 A husband may need to express it's the stress at work, or possibly these things that happened in my past are affecting me.\u00a0 So they need an honest talk together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I would suggest that a woman have an honest talk with God; that she get on her knees and plead with God to intervene with supernatural wisdom for Him to show her how she can minister to her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> And also to ask honestly, \"God, is there something I am doing that is causing him not to be interested?\"\u00a0 Recently, a young woman came to me, and for a long time her husband would not be honest with her, but finally he said, 'You try to control me.\u00a0 You try to run my life, and how can I be interested in you sexually when you regulate every area of my life?'\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo there was something that she needed to bring before God and change, and it was really an emotional issue in their marriage that was showing itself out in the sexual relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think it's very important for a couple, whether they've been married for six weeks or six years, to address the issue not merely as a couple but maybe seek some outside help in their marriage.\u00a0 I think, many times, we try to pull ourselves out of a ditch and, in doing so, much like I did this past weekend with Barbara when we went to pick up a load of pine straw to put on our garden, I pulled off in the ditch and thought I would pull right out, and the more I tried to pull out of the ditch, the deeper the tire slid into the ditch.\u00a0 And finally I realized I better stop trying to pull myself out of the ditch, and I called a friend that came and got me and quickly pulled us out because we hadn't gotten in a deep, deep hole.\u00a0 I hadn't buried the pickup all the way to the axle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd a lot of married couples, I think make the mistake of trying to fix their own relationship over and over again and don't realize that an older couple, a wiser couple from church, a godly couple, can step into their lives, and with some honesty on the young couple's part of admitting where they are struggling, can receive some counsel and some advice that can save them many, many hours of agony late at night when needs are going unmet and when one person is feeling rejected, and the other person is retreating.\u00a0 It's very important to, I believe, at points, seek others outside that marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Yeah, we need to not be afraid to ask for help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> That's an important point, and yet I know women who have had an honest talk with God, had an honest talk with their husband, gone for counseling, and yet nothing has changed.\u00a0 And I think of one dear woman, Christie, who said to me, \"I realize that the only person I can work on is myself.\u00a0 My husband has not changed in this area.\u00a0 He still is not interested, and my self-worth can't be dependent on whether he is interested in me sexually.\u00a0 I must love him as God wants me to love him, seek ways to encourage him, but this cannot be ballooned into something that's going to ruin my life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Many times we'll talk, Linda, about a wife's responsibility to meet her husband's sexual needs to protect him from temptation, and we don't often repeat the same counsel for husbands.\u00a0 But a husband who is inhibited in his sexual desire still has a responsibility before God to meet his wife's sexual needs.\u00a0 She has sexual needs, too, doesn't she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> She definitely does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And he needs to protect her from the temptation of another man who will sit down and communicate with her and who will say, \"You look pretty, are you doing something different with your hair?\"\u00a0 And will speak romantic words to her \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> You mean you noticed my hair?\u00a0 That's what we like!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> 1 Corinthians 7 cuts both ways.\u00a0 Paul says that a wife's body is not her own but belongs to her husband, and conversely, a husband's body is not his own.\u00a0 He is not off the hook just because he doesn't have sexual desire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> The word that's used in that passage, Bob, is the word \"authority.\"\u00a0 It says that neither of us has authority over our own bodies; that that authority should have been given to the other person, and this is a passage that is so misunderstood because it talks about duty, and, Lorraine, what do you think of when you think of the word \"duty?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> I think of something I have to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> It's a chore, and this is where the whole idea for a wife \u2013 of a wife \u2013 \"wifely duty\" to meet her husband's physical desires came from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLorraine and I were excited when we studied what that Greek word that is translated, \"duty\" really means, because it's not a good translation in the English Bible.\u00a0 The word means \"a debt that is owed.\"\u00a0 And God says that a husband owes his wife a debt, and a wife owes her husband a debt.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because they have participated in a gift exchange.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this passage, first we see that God gave the gift of sexual passion to marriage couples.\u00a0 But then He says, \"You exchange gifts.\"\u00a0 And what should have transpired on our wedding night is that the wife should have given the gift of her body to her husband, and the husband should have given the gift of his body to his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you about Kathy, a young wife who came to me, and she was really struggling in this area of her marriage, and she was a godly woman.\u00a0 But she wasn't a sensuous wife, and as we talked, I looked her in the eye, and I said, \"Kathy, have you ever given the gift of your body to your husband?\u00a0 Did you do that on your wedding night?\"\u00a0 She got real quiet, and she finally said, \"No, I have never given it to him.\u00a0 All the choices have been mine.\u00a0 I have kept authority.\u00a0 I might give him a little taste of my body here, or he might be able to enjoy it a little bit here, but it was always my choice.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I said, \"Well, what do you think God would want you to do?\"\u00a0 She said, \"Well, you know, next week is Valentine's Day, and I think that what God wants me to give my husband for Valentine's Day is the gift that I failed to give him the night we were married.\"\u00a0 I said, \"Well, why don't you wrap yourself up in a white bow and give him the gift.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe sent me, several weeks later, 10 pages from her journal, and I'd just like to share a couple of statements from her journal, because I think they're so beautiful.\u00a0 She wrote, \"February 14th.\u00a0 Today is the day when I will give my body to my husband as a gift.\u00a0 Honestly, I am nervous.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 This is what God desires of me.\u00a0 Why am I so nervous?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\"February 15th.\u00a0 Last night was a sweet evening.\u00a0 I told John when I gave my body to him that I had never really fully given my body to him when we were married.\u00a0 It was my body not his.\u00a0 So I stood in front of him with a ribbon on, nothing else, and offered myself to him.\u00a0 He wept, and he continued to weep.\u00a0 Do I feel different?\u00a0 Yes, I do, because I fulfilled what God asked me to do, and I've experienced a freedom sexually that I've never experienced before.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when we ask women that question \u2013 \"Have you ever given your body to your husband as a gift?\"\u00a0 We get a lot of blank stares.\u00a0 But I think a whole lot of what we've all been discussing together revolves around this for husbands and for wives that we each need to give that gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That gift can only be given if there is a commitment in place where there is the security of a covenant; where there is the confidence that that gift will be valued and respected and esteemed by the other person.\u00a0 That makes it reasonable for that gift to be given.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of the marriages \u2013 some that I know \u2013 where it would be difficult for that transaction \u2013 to put it in such an economic term here, but it would be difficult for that gift to be given simply because there isn't the trust, there isn't the protection, there isn't the ability to entrust that body to the other person and trust that they'll take care of it and treat it with dignity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> I wonder if what might be hard to give to her husband \u2013 in other words, she wants to give her body as a gift to her husband, but they don't have the relationship there where that's easy for her to do.\u00a0 I wonder, rather than doing it unto him, she can do that unto God and say, \"God, Your Word says that my body is a gift.\u00a0 And so even though I'm having a hard time with my husband right now, I will do this as obedience as unto You.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 7 gives a good test \u2013 it says right after Paul talks about the gift exchange, it says \"stop depriving one another\" and says \"the only reason to not enjoy your sexual relationship together is prayer.\"\u00a0 Well, I've heard women give lots of reasons, but I very rarely ever heard prayer.\u00a0 And so if there are other reasons besides prayer, the woman still is keeping authority over her own body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You're saying that if a woman says she's too tired \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> In our book, Dennis, we talk about ways to say \"not now but later.\"\u00a0 But it's the whole spirit \u2013 we're talking about the spirit of a relationship.\u00a0 A woman can just walk away and act, \"Ugh, I'm not interested,\" or she can say, \"Honey, I am just so exhausted.\u00a0 Can I just pleasure you or can we meet tomorrow morning when I'm more rested?\u00a0 I want to love you, but now is not a good time.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's the spirit \u2013 and the same goes true for a husband.\u00a0 We're talking about the husbands not being interested \u2013 a husband needs to be able to say to his wife, \"You know, honey, I love you, but I'm really tired right now.\u00a0 What about tomorrow?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Dennis, when most couples sit down and evaluate a marriage that's in trouble, if you ask them, \"What are the issues?\"\u00a0 Undoubtedly, they're going to talk about communication or finances or sex.\u00a0 This is one of the big three covenant-threatening areas of a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd any couple who is committed to their covenant has to be committed to healthy communication with one another; to being able to handle the basics of finances in their marriage, and they've got to be committed to sexually enjoying each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, you know, Bob, in all three of those, there is the call to die to self and to love another person regardless of how you feel.\u00a0 Love is not a feeling, love is a commitment.\u00a0 Love says, \"You know what?\u00a0 I will take care of you even when I don't feel like it.\u00a0 I will love you even when I don't feel like it.\u00a0 I'm committed to you, and that commitment transcends my feelings, it transcends other issues.\u00a0 You are the priority of my life after Jesus Christ, and before our children and before our family, and I am committed to you.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think whether we're speaking to a man who is not meeting his obligations and duties toward his wife sexually or speaking to a wife who may not be doing that with her husband, both need to realize that this covenant \u2013 commitment \u2013 they made was one that called them to get out of the \"I don't want tos\" and get into \"I am willing to meet your needs over a lifetime together.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is one of the subjects that we spend unpacking at our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences which, by the way, we're kicking off next Friday in a number of cities around the country.\u00a0 I know you're going to be speaking at the conference in the Dallas\/Fort Worth area at the Gaylord Texan Resort; we've got a conference at the Hershey Lodge in Hershey, Pennsylvania \u2013 you think about Valentine's weekend and chocolate and a Marriage Conference, I don't know how you can go wrong on that; got a conference in Washington, D.C.; a number of other cities all across the country, and on Saturday afternoon at the conference we spend time talking to husbands and wives about this whole area of marriage, because this is an issue, I think, in so many marriages and yet where are you going to go to get biblical help?\u00a0 Where are you going to go to hear this subject addressed candidly and yet biblically?\u00a0 And that's what happens at the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.\u00a0 And I want to encourage our listeners to go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the upcoming spring season of conferences.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com or call us, toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY and someone can answer any questions you have about the conference, when it's coming to a city near where you live or how you can get registered.\u00a0 We're going to be hosting these conferences in cities all around the country throughout the spring, so even if next weekend isn't a good weekend for the two of you, there are good weekends coming up this spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 If you go online, you'll also find information about a resource our team has just recently updated.\u00a0 It's called \"Simply Romantic Nights\" and we've been offering this here for a number of years at FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 It's designed to provide a husband and wife with some creative ways to renew the spark and the passion in their marriage relationship \u2013 special date nights that you can enjoy together, a dozen for husbands to make happen for their wives, and a dozen for the wives to put together for their husbands.\u00a0 And there's more in the kit than just that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll the details are available online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You'll also find information about Linda and Lorraine's book, \"Intimate Issues,\" answers to the 21 most often-asked questions by women about this issue of romance and sexual intimacy in marriage.\u00a0 Again, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, or give us a call at 1-800-FLTODAY for more information about any of these resources or about the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we appreciate those of you who listen regularly to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 I saw an e-mail note from a listener just today.\u00a0 Someone who had written to us and said, \"I was reflecting back over the past several months and thinking about a series that I had heard on FamilyLife Today that God had used in a really profound way in my life and in my marriage relationship.\"\u00a0 And she said, \"I wanted to make a donation to your ministry because your ministry is having an impact in my life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who, from time to time, make a donation to help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 This month, if you are able to make a donation of any amount, we want to send you a thank you gift.\u00a0 It's a two-CD set that features a conversation that we had with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, the author of the book, \"Love and Respect\" about the issue of unconditional respect and what that ought to look like in a marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat CD is our gift to you when you help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today, again, with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 If you are making that donation online, when you come to the keycode box on the donation form, type the word \"respect\" in the box, and we'll know to send a copy of the CD to you or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 When you do, just mention that you'd like the CDs on love and respect and, again, we're happy to send them out to you.\u00a0 We do appreciate your support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, tomorrow we want to talk about what it might look like in a marriage relationship when a husband and wife take a fresh look at the subject of marital intimacy and how they can serve one another in this area.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow, I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas \u2013 help for today; hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["11.13M"],"filesize_raw":["11672080"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-301762.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-301762.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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in the mood, but your husband isn\u2019t.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-02-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I think of one dear woman, Christie, who said to me, \"I realize that the only person I can work on is myself.\u00a0 My husband has not changed in this area.\u00a0 He still is not interested, and my self-worth can't be dependent on whether he is interested in me sexually.\u00a0 I must love him as God wants me to love him, seek ways to encourage him, but this cannot be ballooned into something that's going to ruin my life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, February 5th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Today we'll provide some help for wives whose husbands would say, \"I am just not interested.\"\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 And it's appropriate, as we start today's program with Day 32 of the Love Dare.\u00a0 We've been going through the book, \"The Love Dare,\" which was featured in the movie, \"Fireproof,\" which is now out on DVD, and if you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, you can find information both about the book and about the DVD.\u00a0 You can order them, and we can send them to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo your dare for today, if at all possible, try to initiate intimacy with your husband or your wife today and do it in a way that honors what your spouse has told you or what you picked up about what he or she desires from you in this area of your marriage.\u00a0 Ask God to make this time something that is enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater, deeper intimacy in your marriage.\u00a0 So that's your Love Dare assignment for today and, again, if you'd like more information about the book, \"The Love Dare,\" or the DVD of the movie \"Fireproof,\" go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and we've got the information available there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd, again, we've been talking about this subject of intimacy in marriage and the sexual dimension of marriage this week, and we've encouraged our listeners, you may have younger children who you would want to divert during this conversation, because we're trying to talk appropriately and respectfully on a subject that is for mature audiences.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, a Hebrew boy was not allowed to read the book, The Song of Solomon in the Bible until after his bar mitzvah because his father knew better than to let him go reading around in that book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yeah, I'll never forget, in class one day Howard Hendricks made the statement while I was in Dallas Theological Seminary.\u00a0 He said, \"We should not be ashamed to discuss that which God was not ashamed to create.\"\u00a0 And I think how many times we, as Christians, stutter and stammer and, you know, we don't want to talk about such intimate issues publicly let alone on Christian radio, Bob, but it needs to be talked about because there certainly are enough messages being communicated through the media today that we need to get the Christian message out through that same medium.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I wouldn't encourage anyone to do this, but if you were to scan your dial right now on the radio \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, my goodness, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And just stop on each station and listen, you'd find a half a dozen stations where there is a song playing or a DJ talking, and they're talking about what we're going to be talking about, but they're not talking about it from a biblical perspective, and that kind of mind pollution is what's got us in the mess we're in today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really has.\u00a0 With us today are the authors of a book called \"Intimate Issues, Conversations Woman-to Woman About the Subject of Sex.\"\u00a0 Lorraine Pintus and Linda Dillow join us here on Thursday for FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Ladies, welcome back.\u00a0 I feel like it's been a \u2013 well, a time of honest communication but a good time of talking about an area that doesn't receive a lot of clear communication in Christian circles.\u00a0 So thanks for being on the broadcast this week and thanks for your book, \"Intimate Issues.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Thanks, it's great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> We're glad to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Today on the broadcast, what I want to talk about is a subject that doesn't get addressed in Christian circles, either.\u00a0 In fact, usually, it's the complaint that women are not interested.\u00a0 But I want to begin today's broadcast by talking about men who aren't interested in the physical relationship, because you address this in your book, and we get letters here on FamilyLife Today from listeners who say, \"It's not me that's not interested, it's my husband.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> It is a real problem today, Dennis.\u00a0 I was speaking at a conference, and during that one weekend, three different women came up to me and said, \"Linda, there is nobody I can talk to here.\u00a0 Nobody would understand,\" and each of them had the same problem \u2013 their husband was never interested.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of these women, when I walked in the door, I spotted her across the room, and my first thought was, \"What a classy lady.\"\u00a0 She was about my age, and she was exquisite.\u00a0 It looked like she'd walked out of a Vogue magazine, and yet she was one of those women that came up and said, \"Linda, this is what my husband said to me.\u00a0 He said, 'I love you, I admire you, but there is no chemistry between us, and there will be no sexual relationship.'\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is so devastating to a woman, because she feels unfeminine, she feels unattractive and, believe me, this woman was attractive.\u00a0 I was thinking, \"Oooh, I wish I looked like she did,\" and yet her husband had said to her, \"I'm just not interested in you.\"\u00a0 It is a major problem today, and we call it the \"problem no one talks about,\" because most wives are standing around saying, \"Oh, I wish he wasn't so interested,\" and a dear woman doesn't want to interject and say, \"Gosh, I wish I had that problem.\u00a0 My husband is never interested in me.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Linda, do you think this is a recent phenomenon or do you think this has been a problem that's been around forever?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I'm sure that the problem has been around forever, but I think it has escalated because of pornography.\u00a0 Many Christian men are involved in pornography on the Internet, and when they are stimulated by such unhealthy, evil things, they are not that interested in a normal sexual relationship with their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> Another reason that husbands sometimes aren't interested is they might be taking a medication that might inhibit their desires \u2013 things like heart medications, antidepressants, many of these things inhibit sexual desire, and in the book we do have a sidebar that lists some of those drugs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sometimes what can inhibit a man's sex drive can be his attention to work and the stress he is under in his vocation.\u00a0 Also, some men, I think, are afraid of a relationship with their wives.\u00a0 I think the safe and secure route is to avoid the initiation.\u00a0 Sex, for a man, is a very risky proposition.\u00a0 And for a young man today, starting out his marriage, who may be carrying some emotional baggage into that relationship, he may find it difficult to initiate with his wife and risk the rejection, risk the failure as a man in initiating the sex act.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd a wife, at that point, can begin to feel rejected and feel like he's not interested in her at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> That's right.\u00a0 I think there are two things a woman can do \u2013 the first thing is, she needs to have an honest talk with her husband.\u00a0 They need to talk out these things.\u00a0 A husband may need to express it's the stress at work, or possibly these things that happened in my past are affecting me.\u00a0 So they need an honest talk together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I would suggest that a woman have an honest talk with God; that she get on her knees and plead with God to intervene with supernatural wisdom for Him to show her how she can minister to her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> And also to ask honestly, \"God, is there something I am doing that is causing him not to be interested?\"\u00a0 Recently, a young woman came to me, and for a long time her husband would not be honest with her, but finally he said, 'You try to control me.\u00a0 You try to run my life, and how can I be interested in you sexually when you regulate every area of my life?'\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo there was something that she needed to bring before God and change, and it was really an emotional issue in their marriage that was showing itself out in the sexual relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think it's very important for a couple, whether they've been married for six weeks or six years, to address the issue not merely as a couple but maybe seek some outside help in their marriage.\u00a0 I think, many times, we try to pull ourselves out of a ditch and, in doing so, much like I did this past weekend with Barbara when we went to pick up a load of pine straw to put on our garden, I pulled off in the ditch and thought I would pull right out, and the more I tried to pull out of the ditch, the deeper the tire slid into the ditch.\u00a0 And finally I realized I better stop trying to pull myself out of the ditch, and I called a friend that came and got me and quickly pulled us out because we hadn't gotten in a deep, deep hole.\u00a0 I hadn't buried the pickup all the way to the axle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd a lot of married couples, I think make the mistake of trying to fix their own relationship over and over again and don't realize that an older couple, a wiser couple from church, a godly couple, can step into their lives, and with some honesty on the young couple's part of admitting where they are struggling, can receive some counsel and some advice that can save them many, many hours of agony late at night when needs are going unmet and when one person is feeling rejected, and the other person is retreating.\u00a0 It's very important to, I believe, at points, seek others outside that marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Yeah, we need to not be afraid to ask for help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> That's an important point, and yet I know women who have had an honest talk with God, had an honest talk with their husband, gone for counseling, and yet nothing has changed.\u00a0 And I think of one dear woman, Christie, who said to me, \"I realize that the only person I can work on is myself.\u00a0 My husband has not changed in this area.\u00a0 He still is not interested, and my self-worth can't be dependent on whether he is interested in me sexually.\u00a0 I must love him as God wants me to love him, seek ways to encourage him, but this cannot be ballooned into something that's going to ruin my life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Many times we'll talk, Linda, about a wife's responsibility to meet her husband's sexual needs to protect him from temptation, and we don't often repeat the same counsel for husbands.\u00a0 But a husband who is inhibited in his sexual desire still has a responsibility before God to meet his wife's sexual needs.\u00a0 She has sexual needs, too, doesn't she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> She definitely does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And he needs to protect her from the temptation of another man who will sit down and communicate with her and who will say, \"You look pretty, are you doing something different with your hair?\"\u00a0 And will speak romantic words to her \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> You mean you noticed my hair?\u00a0 That's what we like!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> 1 Corinthians 7 cuts both ways.\u00a0 Paul says that a wife's body is not her own but belongs to her husband, and conversely, a husband's body is not his own.\u00a0 He is not off the hook just because he doesn't have sexual desire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> The word that's used in that passage, Bob, is the word \"authority.\"\u00a0 It says that neither of us has authority over our own bodies; that that authority should have been given to the other person, and this is a passage that is so misunderstood because it talks about duty, and, Lorraine, what do you think of when you think of the word \"duty?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> I think of something I have to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> It's a chore, and this is where the whole idea for a wife \u2013 of a wife \u2013 \"wifely duty\" to meet her husband's physical desires came from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLorraine and I were excited when we studied what that Greek word that is translated, \"duty\" really means, because it's not a good translation in the English Bible.\u00a0 The word means \"a debt that is owed.\"\u00a0 And God says that a husband owes his wife a debt, and a wife owes her husband a debt.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because they have participated in a gift exchange.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this passage, first we see that God gave the gift of sexual passion to marriage couples.\u00a0 But then He says, \"You exchange gifts.\"\u00a0 And what should have transpired on our wedding night is that the wife should have given the gift of her body to her husband, and the husband should have given the gift of his body to his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me tell you about Kathy, a young wife who came to me, and she was really struggling in this area of her marriage, and she was a godly woman.\u00a0 But she wasn't a sensuous wife, and as we talked, I looked her in the eye, and I said, \"Kathy, have you ever given the gift of your body to your husband?\u00a0 Did you do that on your wedding night?\"\u00a0 She got real quiet, and she finally said, \"No, I have never given it to him.\u00a0 All the choices have been mine.\u00a0 I have kept authority.\u00a0 I might give him a little taste of my body here, or he might be able to enjoy it a little bit here, but it was always my choice.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I said, \"Well, what do you think God would want you to do?\"\u00a0 She said, \"Well, you know, next week is Valentine's Day, and I think that what God wants me to give my husband for Valentine's Day is the gift that I failed to give him the night we were married.\"\u00a0 I said, \"Well, why don't you wrap yourself up in a white bow and give him the gift.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe sent me, several weeks later, 10 pages from her journal, and I'd just like to share a couple of statements from her journal, because I think they're so beautiful.\u00a0 She wrote, \"February 14th.\u00a0 Today is the day when I will give my body to my husband as a gift.\u00a0 Honestly, I am nervous.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 This is what God desires of me.\u00a0 Why am I so nervous?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\"February 15th.\u00a0 Last night was a sweet evening.\u00a0 I told John when I gave my body to him that I had never really fully given my body to him when we were married.\u00a0 It was my body not his.\u00a0 So I stood in front of him with a ribbon on, nothing else, and offered myself to him.\u00a0 He wept, and he continued to weep.\u00a0 Do I feel different?\u00a0 Yes, I do, because I fulfilled what God asked me to do, and I've experienced a freedom sexually that I've never experienced before.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when we ask women that question \u2013 \"Have you ever given your body to your husband as a gift?\"\u00a0 We get a lot of blank stares.\u00a0 But I think a whole lot of what we've all been discussing together revolves around this for husbands and for wives that we each need to give that gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That gift can only be given if there is a commitment in place where there is the security of a covenant; where there is the confidence that that gift will be valued and respected and esteemed by the other person.\u00a0 That makes it reasonable for that gift to be given.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of the marriages \u2013 some that I know \u2013 where it would be difficult for that transaction \u2013 to put it in such an economic term here, but it would be difficult for that gift to be given simply because there isn't the trust, there isn't the protection, there isn't the ability to entrust that body to the other person and trust that they'll take care of it and treat it with dignity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> I wonder if what might be hard to give to her husband \u2013 in other words, she wants to give her body as a gift to her husband, but they don't have the relationship there where that's easy for her to do.\u00a0 I wonder, rather than doing it unto him, she can do that unto God and say, \"God, Your Word says that my body is a gift.\u00a0 And so even though I'm having a hard time with my husband right now, I will do this as obedience as unto You.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 7 gives a good test \u2013 it says right after Paul talks about the gift exchange, it says \"stop depriving one another\" and says \"the only reason to not enjoy your sexual relationship together is prayer.\"\u00a0 Well, I've heard women give lots of reasons, but I very rarely ever heard prayer.\u00a0 And so if there are other reasons besides prayer, the woman still is keeping authority over her own body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You're saying that if a woman says she's too tired \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lorraine:<\/strong> In our book, Dennis, we talk about ways to say \"not now but later.\"\u00a0 But it's the whole spirit \u2013 we're talking about the spirit of a relationship.\u00a0 A woman can just walk away and act, \"Ugh, I'm not interested,\" or she can say, \"Honey, I am just so exhausted.\u00a0 Can I just pleasure you or can we meet tomorrow morning when I'm more rested?\u00a0 I want to love you, but now is not a good time.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's the spirit \u2013 and the same goes true for a husband.\u00a0 We're talking about the husbands not being interested \u2013 a husband needs to be able to say to his wife, \"You know, honey, I love you, but I'm really tired right now.\u00a0 What about tomorrow?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Dennis, when most couples sit down and evaluate a marriage that's in trouble, if you ask them, \"What are the issues?\"\u00a0 Undoubtedly, they're going to talk about communication or finances or sex.\u00a0 This is one of the big three covenant-threatening areas of a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd any couple who is committed to their covenant has to be committed to healthy communication with one another; to being able to handle the basics of finances in their marriage, and they've got to be committed to sexually enjoying each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And, you know, Bob, in all three of those, there is the call to die to self and to love another person regardless of how you feel.\u00a0 Love is not a feeling, love is a commitment.\u00a0 Love says, \"You know what?\u00a0 I will take care of you even when I don't feel like it.\u00a0 I will love you even when I don't feel like it.\u00a0 I'm committed to you, and that commitment transcends my feelings, it transcends other issues.\u00a0 You are the priority of my life after Jesus Christ, and before our children and before our family, and I am committed to you.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think whether we're speaking to a man who is not meeting his obligations and duties toward his wife sexually or speaking to a wife who may not be doing that with her husband, both need to realize that this covenant \u2013 commitment \u2013 they made was one that called them to get out of the \"I don't want tos\" and get into \"I am willing to meet your needs over a lifetime together.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is one of the subjects that we spend unpacking at our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences which, by the way, we're kicking off next Friday in a number of cities around the country.\u00a0 I know you're going to be speaking at the conference in the Dallas\/Fort Worth area at the Gaylord Texan Resort; we've got a conference at the Hershey Lodge in Hershey, Pennsylvania \u2013 you think about Valentine's weekend and chocolate and a Marriage Conference, I don't know how you can go wrong on that; got a conference in Washington, D.C.; a number of other cities all across the country, and on Saturday afternoon at the conference we spend time talking to husbands and wives about this whole area of marriage, because this is an issue, I think, in so many marriages and yet where are you going to go to get biblical help?\u00a0 Where are you going to go to hear this subject addressed candidly and yet biblically?\u00a0 And that's what happens at the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.\u00a0 And I want to encourage our listeners to go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the upcoming spring season of conferences.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com or call us, toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY and someone can answer any questions you have about the conference, when it's coming to a city near where you live or how you can get registered.\u00a0 We're going to be hosting these conferences in cities all around the country throughout the spring, so even if next weekend isn't a good weekend for the two of you, there are good weekends coming up this spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 If you go online, you'll also find information about a resource our team has just recently updated.\u00a0 It's called \"Simply Romantic Nights\" and we've been offering this here for a number of years at FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 It's designed to provide a husband and wife with some creative ways to renew the spark and the passion in their marriage relationship \u2013 special date nights that you can enjoy together, a dozen for husbands to make happen for their wives, and a dozen for the wives to put together for their husbands.\u00a0 And there's more in the kit than just that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll the details are available online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You'll also find information about Linda and Lorraine's book, \"Intimate Issues,\" answers to the 21 most often-asked questions by women about this issue of romance and sexual intimacy in marriage.\u00a0 Again, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, or give us a call at 1-800-FLTODAY for more information about any of these resources or about the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we appreciate those of you who listen regularly to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 I saw an e-mail note from a listener just today.\u00a0 Someone who had written to us and said, \"I was reflecting back over the past several months and thinking about a series that I had heard on FamilyLife Today that God had used in a really profound way in my life and in my marriage relationship.\"\u00a0 And she said, \"I wanted to make a donation to your ministry because your ministry is having an impact in my life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate those of you who, from time to time, make a donation to help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 This month, if you are able to make a donation of any amount, we want to send you a thank you gift.\u00a0 It's a two-CD set that features a conversation that we had with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, the author of the book, \"Love and Respect\" about the issue of unconditional respect and what that ought to look like in a marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat CD is our gift to you when you help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today, again, with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 If you are making that donation online, when you come to the keycode box on the donation form, type the word \"respect\" in the box, and we'll know to send a copy of the CD to you or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make your donation over the phone.\u00a0 When you do, just mention that you'd like the CDs on love and respect and, again, we're happy to send them out to you.\u00a0 We do appreciate your support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, tomorrow we want to talk about what it might look like in a marriage relationship when a husband and wife take a fresh look at the subject of marital intimacy and how they can serve one another in this area.\u00a0 That comes up tomorrow, I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas \u2013 help for today; hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 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