{"id":301748,"date":"2009-01-19T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-01-19T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/battling-our-monster-desires\/"},"modified":"2009-01-19T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-01-19T17:00:00","slug":"battling-our-monster-desires","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/battling-our-monster-desires\/","title":{"rendered":"Battling Our Monster Desires"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What\u2019s a monster desire?  It\u2019s a compulsive want that controls our lives and enslaves our hearts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-01-19.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"15.42M","filesize_raw":"16165242","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822],"tags":[2990,5021],"podcast_series":[7496],"cwp_profile":[9051],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301748","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","tag-anger","tag-getting-rid-of-anger","podcast_series-uprooting-anger","cwp_profile-robert-d-jones","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301748\/battling-our-monster-desires","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301748\/battling-our-monster-desires","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"pN3U6h6Rcd\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/battling-our-monster-desires\/\">Battling Our Monster Desires<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/battling-our-monster-desires\/embed\/#?secret=pN3U6h6Rcd\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Battling Our Monster Desires&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"pN3U6h6Rcd\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What\u2019s a monster desire? It\u2019s a compulsive want that controls our lives and enslaves our hearts.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2009-01-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tDaughter:\u00a0 You are the worst mom!\u00a0 You don't care about me, you don't love me, you just want me for your slave!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChild: I hate you, Mom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Husband and wife fighting]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anger in a relationship can be toxic.\u00a0 Do you ever stop to ask the question \u2013 where does all that anger come from?\u00a0 Here is Dr. Robert Jones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong>\u00a0 What is it that we're wanting so much we have to have this thing, and when we don't get this thing, we respond with this kind of anger, whether it's road rage, whether it's that external explosive thing, or whether it's that critical and quiet inner anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[musical transition] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.\u00a0 We're going to spend some time talking about anger today but before we do that, it's Day 15 of our 40-day Love Dare.\u00a0 Those of you who saw the movie, \"Fireproof\" when it came out, you know that Caleb Holt went through a book called \"The Love Dare\" as a tool to reconcile his marriage, and we thought between now and Valentine's Day we ought to take a 40-day Love Dare, and so on Day 15 \u2013 and this may fit into the whole subject we're going to talk about today \u2013 we come to 1 Peter 3:7, which says, \"Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.\u00a0 Show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe kind of love we need to display in our marriages is honorable love for one another \u2013 so today's assignment, today's dare, is for you to choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that goes beyond your normal routine.\u00a0 It might be holding a door for your wife; it might be putting clothes away for your husband; it might be the way that you listen or the way you speak to one another in your communication, but find a way to show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.\u00a0 That's today's Love Dare assignment.\u00a0 We've posted that on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can order a copy of \"The Love Dare\" book from us if you'd like to follow along in the 40-day Love Dare.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLife Today.com for more information, and one way you may want to show honor and respect for your spouse is by attending one of our upcoming Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences when it comes to a city near where you live, and the information about that is on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow \u2013 I thought we ought to kick things off today by \u2013 I was going to ask you one of those questions, one of those maddening kinds of questions that you like to ask people \u2013 you know what I'm talking about, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have no idea what you're talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about.\u00a0 Dennis, ladies and gentlemen, likes to ask these questions where he asks you \u2013 if you had to choose one thing out of all your experiences in life, just one thing \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you could only keep one memory out of your childhood \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is a good example, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Which memory would you keep and why?\u00a0 And Bob doesn't like that because he's so sequential \u2013 that means he has to review every experience of his life mentally.\u00a0 And, for Bob, that can be done because of the superior nature of his mind, he can do that, in, generally, about \u2013 oh, about 90 seconds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But then I have to line them up side-by-side, and I have to evaluate \u2013 was this one superior?\u00a0 Well, in some ways, this one was superior to the other \u2013 and so it's going to take me days to answer your question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay, so where are we going with this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here is where we're going.\u00a0 I was going to ask you what's the angriest you've ever been?\u00a0 Can you think back to a time that you would say, \"I was probably angrier than I've ever been any other time in my life?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I was pretty angry as a teenage boy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just in general?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yeah, you know, it just \u2013 I think a lot of teenage boys are just angry.\u00a0 They just don't know what is going on in their lives, and there's a lot of hormones working and \u2013 not excusing them \u2013 mind you, but there's just a lot of emotional upheaval, and some of it gets expressed through the anger portal \u2013 how else shall we say it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, you know, it would have to be a toss up between the time the kids broke my favorite flyrod and another time, which I do not recall what caused it, but I think I threw something just \u2013 in anger, just threw something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Like, across the room?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yeah, yeah, not at anyone, but just \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were just steamed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ticked, you know?\u00a0 Not proud of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But, you know, I do think, within the Christian community, there is a problem when it comes to anger, and that's why we've invited a scholar who has done a great deal of research on this topic and right now he's kind of rolling his eyes back in his head, and he's going, \"Can I stand up to the scrutiny?\"\u00a0 And, Robert Jones, we'd like to welcome you to the broadcast, and I'm going to refer to you as, \"Bob,\" is that okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong>\u00a0 That will be fine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I could call you \"Dr. Bob,\" since we have another Bob in the studio.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and then there is also this other Bob Jones thing \u2013 there is a guy who has a university named that, and that's not you, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong>\u00a0 That's right, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All right, so we want to avoid any confusion there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong> There are a number of Bob Joneses out there, believe it or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You're not the only one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You and the guy with the college are not the only two, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, this Bob Jones is a counselor, an author, a seminary professor at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and resides in Raleigh, North Carolina with his two teenage sons, and he has written a book called \"Uprooting Anger\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong> And my wife, Dennis, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That's right, you do live with your wife, Lauren, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong> That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Twenty-two years, yeah, so \u2013 we have an e-mail from a listener \u2013 well, it's really a remarkably honest e-mail about adult anger.\u00a0 She writes \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Listener:<\/strong>\u00a0 I'm a regular listener to your program and really appreciate your ministry.\u00a0 Thanks for your biblical insight.\u00a0 I am a mother of four wonderful children.\u00a0 I love them very much, but I have an anger problem that I can't conquer.\u00a0 I am not physically abusive.\u00a0 I yell, I belittle, I act like a two-year-old.\u00a0 Not every time, mind you, but sporadically.\u00a0 I never know when I'm going to explode and neither do my children.\u00a0 I don't know what to do.\u00a0 This has been a lifelong problem, and I feel helpless.\u00a0 I hate everything about myself a lot of the time, and I wonder why God would ever entrust His precious little children to me?\u00a0 I need God's change.\u00a0 I cannot do this on my own.\u00a0 I have tried.\u00a0 Do you have any suggestions?\u00a0 I am mentally drained.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> All right, Bob, you're a counselor.\u00a0 You've written a book, \"Uprooting Anger.\"\u00a0 What would you say to this dear mom?\u00a0 First of all, you've got to just say thank you for being honest about a problem that she's not alone in experiencing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong> When she talks about helplessness, when she talks about feeling trapped and really enslaved in her own anger, I think she is voicing the experience of many, many, many Christians, and I just want to say to her that I think where we need to start is we need to listen.\u00a0 We need to understand what it is that she is experiencing and help her know and understand that she is not alone \u2013 not just because of other mothers and other adults but Christ Jesus Himself wants to be part of her life, wants to come near to her in the midst of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think where we're going to end up with her is helping her to understand what it is that she is desiring, what is it that she expects, and where is God in the midst of this whole chaos that she is experiencing here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, so when it comes to the subject of anger, the place you went first is to desire.\u00a0 What's the connection between what we desire and anger?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong>\u00a0 If you take a passage that's perhaps familiar to your listeners, a passage like James, chapter 4, James asks this question rhetorically \u2013 what causes fights and quarrels among you?\u00a0 Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?\u00a0 You want something, but you don't get it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what you have is a desire for life to be the way you want it to be.\u00a0 That is very understandable.\u00a0 It's a desire for things that are good things.\u00a0 To be human is to be filled with those desires, but I think the art of living for Christ, of understanding the Gospel and its call on our life, is how do we continually take those desires for good things?\u00a0 In fact, they are things that the Bible often commands.\u00a0 I think of so much marriage counseling that I have done where the wife is longing for the husband to love her and to listen to her.\u00a0 \"I just want to be loved, I just want to be listened to.\u00a0 Is that so bad?\"\u00a0 Well, no, it's not so bad.\u00a0 In fact, the Scriptures are calling your husband to do that.\u00a0 The trouble is, what are you going to do when life doesn't go the way you want it?\u00a0 Are you going to justify anger and all these negative things that are coming out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think of this mom who is grieving over her explosive anger towards her children.\u00a0 Now, she's admitting that.\u00a0 She is saying, \"I am taking out my anger on my children and when it's over, I feel terrible.\"\u00a0 Well, what that is, is that's a conviction that we've sinned, and 1 John 1:9 says \"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.\"\u00a0 So there is cleansing from the worst express of anger that we can imagine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut to this mom, it's the habitual visitation of anger over and over and over again from which she repents over and over and over again.\u00a0 Bob, what's going to get her out of that repetitive repentance?\u00a0 Not that we don't repent until we die, because we know we have to as followers of Christ.\u00a0 But how is she going to get out of the habit of expressing anger?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong>\u00a0 Well, I think the starting place would be for as many times as she does this and as many times as she repents, we need to keep saying to her, I want to say to her, \"My sister, there is still a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emanuel's veins.\"\u00a0 And so I never want to get to a place in trying to help her where we forget the cross.\u00a0 We need to keep the Gospel very clear before her eyes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, having said that, what is it that Christ is wanting to do in her life \u2013 not merely to forgive her and reconnect her experientially to her justification and adoption, but we want to help her begin to look at what is it that you are wanting in these various situations and how do we take those desires that sometimes do become demands \u2013 they are good desires \u2013 how do we take them and look at them through the lens of Scripture?\u00a0 How do we help her think biblically about what God is up to in this situation and what's the cause biblically of her situation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You're saying she needs to go to the Scripture to give God's perspective on her anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And then begin to learn how He wants her to behave differently in those situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I think you've asked a very important diagnostic question.\u00a0 I mean, I'm just sitting here thinking about your statement \u2013 how do we respond when life doesn't go the way we want it to go?\u00a0 You know, if life always went the way you wanted it to go, you'd probably never get angry about anything, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong>\u00a0 Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You'd be incredibly selfish, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the truth is, life is not going to go the way any of us want it to go, so all of us have to wrestle with that question \u2013 what are we going to do?\u00a0 What does God want us to do when life doesn't go the way we want it to go?\u00a0 How do we need to respond?\u00a0 It's back to what you're saying, Dennis.\u00a0 It's where do we find our help and our hope in the Scriptures with regard to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, if you look in the book of Galatians, Paul gave us some very specific advice and admonishment in Chapter 5.\u00a0 He said, \"Now, the deeds of the flesh are evident,\" and he goes on to list a number of them \u2013 immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger.\u00a0 Outbursts of anger are part of the deeds of the flesh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right there in the middle of all the rest of that junk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right there.\u00a0 And he goes on, then, contrast that and say but the fruit of the Spirit, the fruit of the Holy Spirit who, if you're a follower of Christ, if you've placed your faith in the Savior for the forgiveness of your sins, the promise is we have been sealed by the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 We have Him, He lives in us, He is the same power that raised Christ from the dead and, I promise you, if He has the power over death, He also has the power to enable you to being to control your emotions when it comes to disappointment; when what you want out of life isn't getting met.\u00a0 When you don't get your way; when other people's performance is falling far short of your expectations.\u00a0 At that point, you have to decide \u2013 am I going to walk by the Spirit or will I give in to the flesh and just explode?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we don't want to be saying to the mom who wrote this e-mail you just need to trust harder, pray harder, read your Bible more \u2013 it really isn't about those things you do, it's really about getting closer to Jesus and letting Him rub off on you.\u00a0 You know what I'm saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As you walk with Christ, He rubs off on you, and as you spend more time in the Word, as you spend more time drawing close to Him, you find His ways become your ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong> Well, yes, I think that we have a picture of a God who is actively seeking to make us more like his Son, Christ.\u00a0 This flesh\/spirit war going on in Galatians 5 features a Spirit who is active not passive, and I believe that one of the things that God does, as Romans 8:20-29 would teach us \u2013 that all things are working together that are good to make us like Christ is it is no accident that this daughter of God, who has written this e-mail, has children and is in a certain kind of home situation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod wasn't asleep at the wheel when these things have happened.\u00a0 There is a superintending, sovereign, gracious God who is using our children, using our spouses, using our work situations and using the road rage around us to make us more like Christ and to bring some of our desires that are fleshly to the surface, so that we might see them, we might be able to grow and repent.\u00a0 We might be able to draw nearer to Christ in powerful ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get encouraged and excited about the opportunity that this woman has to know Christ in richer, deeper ways than the woman who has a perfect life and a happy life.\u00a0 I know that might sound a little odd.\u00a0 You know, in one sense, we'd want her freed from all these pressures and problems but, in another sense, it's in the midst of those pressures and problems where I think the Savior can be known in richer ways.\u00a0 And the impact that that kind of faith will have on her children and on those around her is immense.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Going back to Bob's illustration of Jesus Christ rubbing off on us, I think there are some practical ways given to us in the Scripture where that occurs.\u00a0 One is the one we've just been talking about here, which is walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 When Christ left the planet, He sent the person of the Holy Spirit to empower us, to guide us into truth and to give us power over our flesh.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Apostle Paul says in Galatians 5, you don't have to give in to the desires of the flesh.\u00a0 You can walk by the Spirit, and you won't carry out those desires.\u00a0 But there are a couple of other ways she needs to allow Christ to rub off on her.\u00a0 One, I think, is through other members of the body of Christ.\u00a0 It may be a personal friend who she could confide in, another mom at church or an older woman who may have some skills in terms of biblical counseling and being able to help her sort through exactly what she's feeling.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she needs to, I think, connect with other people around what she's feeling as a mom, who will give her some help and encouragement along with letting her know she's not the only person on the planet who has experienced this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, third, I think in a situation like this, and this is where books like yours are so helpful, she needs to begin to saturate her mind with what God says about the emotion and the action of anger.\u00a0 She needs to begin to think like God thinks and begin to get God's perspective by memorizing some of those key passages in the Scripture.\u00a0 I mean, saturate your mind, get in this passage here in Galatians, chapter 5, where it talks about you're not to walk and produce the deeds of the flesh, and one of them is outbursts of anger.\u00a0 But you are to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit, which is peace, patience, kindness, love, self-control, which I think will take care of anger if we yield to the Holy Spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We were talking earlier about Colossians 3 where Paul says that we are to put aside anger and wrath and malice.\u00a0 So there is an active putting aside that we're called on to do as Christians, and yet it doesn't end with the putting aside of the bad stuff.\u00a0 We have to, then, develop the habits that he goes on to talk about in Colossians 3 where he says that we are to put on compassion and kindness and gentleness, to cultivate that in our lives.\u00a0 And even this mom, as she begins to practice those things toward her children, find ways to actively involve herself with acts of kindness and compassion and humility, gentleness, what you'll find is that the anger just starts to recede.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if she does get angry again, maybe better stated \u2013 when she expresses anger again, because she will get short with them at some point.\u00a0 I mean, who among us has got victory over every sin in their lives?\u00a0 But, at that point, do as Barbara and I did more than \u2013 well, more times than I care to admit \u2013 we'd have to get down on one knee next to our child when they were little and say, \"Daddy was angry.\u00a0 Please forgive me.\u00a0 I've confessed what I did as being wrong to God, but since you were a part of it and experienced it, you need to know that that's a wrong response.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert:<\/strong> I think one of the things that we see as we look at passages like this is that they don't begin with the behavioral changes.\u00a0 They are embedded in a context of the grace of God that the Colossians 3 passage call to put off anger and to put on compassion is rooted in the work of Christ in our lives.\u00a0 And one of the things I'd really want to help her to understand is what does it mean, for example, in Colossians 3 for her to see herself as one who is chosen, who is holy, set apart, who is deeply loved by God because it's that foundation that I think is going to be able to motivate her to be able to do the things of putting off anger and putting on gentleness and self control; that this is the fruit of the Spirit's work, and for her to meditate on Galatians 1 through 4, and then get into chapter 5 and see that as a unit \u2013 or Colossians 1, 2, and 3.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wouldn't want us to be overly behavioristic.\u00a0 One of my concerns is I've read about anger, I've thought about anger.\u00a0 It's easy for us to say, \"This is what you should do and what you shouldn't do,\" and I think the counsel we're giving today is excellent counsel.\u00a0 I just want to make sure that we keep it embedded, and the foundation of it is the work of Christ and your identity in Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think your point is a good one.\u00a0 I mean, when we talk about renewing our minds, it's not simply taking a particular behavior pattern and saying, \"Okay, I'm going to address this by renewing my mind.\"\u00a0 We're really talking about changing the way we think about everything \u2013 about who God is, about who we are, so that we do address these issues in the broader context of what it means to live out the message of the Gospel in our marriages and in our families and how that is going to impact our emotions; how that's going to impact anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's really at the heart of what you've written about in the book, \"Uprooting Anger,\" which we have in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and I'd like to encourage our listeners to contact us.\u00a0 Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, there is information there about how you can get a copy of Dr. Jones's book \"Uprooting Anger,\" and we have other resources available there as well to deal with this issue like Lou Priolo's book, \"The Heart of Anger,\" and there may be listeners, Dennis, who have said to themselves, \"This is the year I've got to deal with anger,\" and I think what they need to hear us say is if you're going to deal with it, you've got to deal with it in a holistic way by understanding your relationship with God, the message of the Gospel, and how anger fits into all of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, again, the information about these resources that are available are on our website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\u00a0 You can order from us online, if you'd like, or you can call 1-800-358-6329, 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 When you contact us, someone on our team will let you know how you can have the resources you need send to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the reasons why anger becomes an issue in a lot of marriages is because couples have not been purposeful and deliberate in building the kind of a strong relationship that helps us understand one another so that we are less likely to become angry with one another.\u00a0 And you and your wife, Barbara, have written a great devotional guide for couples called \"Moments With You\" \u2013 365 devotions that couples can go through each day together.\u00a0 There is a discussion question with each of the devotionals and a suggested prayer topic for each day, and this month we are making that daily devotional guide available to our listeners when they help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 We are listener-supported, so those donations are what keep us on the air in this city and in other cities all across the country, and we appreciate your generosity as you make contributions to FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are making a donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, and you'd like to receive the book, \"Moments With You,\" just type the word \"moments\" into the keycode box on the donation form.\u00a0 Or if you call 1-800-FLTODAY to make a donation over the phone just mention that you'd like the daily devotional you heard us talk about on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Again, it's called \"Moments With You\" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, and we're happy to send it out to you as our way of saying thank you for your financial support of this ministry, and we appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, tomorrow we want to talk more about what's at the heart of anger and how do we deal with it when it shows up in marriage or in any kind of a family relationship.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas \u2013 help for today; hope for tomorrow.\u00a0 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